Episode #773
Have you ever wondered how a transformative program can impact a man’s life and, in turn, influence his relationships?
In this episode of the TPM show, Doug and his wife, Erin, explore the Activation Method from a unique perspective – that of a woman intimately familiar with the experiences of both the men and their wives.
What goes on in the minds of men before and after they undergo this life-altering program, and how does it affect their relationships?
In this episode, you’ll learn about the common challenges faced by men entering the Activation Method, from feelings of confusion and frustration to the unfulfilled needs of their partners.
The conversation offers valuable insights into how the program empowers men to develop strong relationships with themselves, fostering positive changes not only within but also in their interactions with their families.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 00:30
Hey, guys, welcome back to the TPM show. Once again, I am joined and graced by my beautiful wife, Erin. Erin, thanks for being here.
Erin Holt 00:37
Hello, hello. Happy to be here.
Doug Holt 00:40
So we got a lot of feedback on the last time you’re here, so thank you for coming back. And great that we have the staff taking care of the kids while you’re here, which is perfect because we have this time. So we want to take advantage of it and opportunity. One of the requests that we got from the guys was to get a woman’s perspective on what it’s like for a man to go through the program, The Activation Method. And so what I mean by that, just to give context and clarity to this question or statement, if you will, is you’ve had the opportunity of meeting a lot of the men that have come here. They’ve come here, they’ve gone through the program, they’ve come to the TPM Ranch, you’ve had a chance to meet them in person, hear their stories.
You’ve also worked with some of the men’s wives coaching them through their journey. So you’ve seen multiple sides of the spectrum, including mine, going through things and when I deal with the guys. So I’m sure it’s a little biased, of course, but you also have an opportunity, a very unique opportunity that you can speak, one, from a woman’s perspective, two, as a female coach, that coaches the wives of some of the guys that go into the program. And three, you’ve met many of the men that have been through the program. So that’s what I want to talk today about is getting your perspective on what The Powerful Man is all about. And the journey and the transformations that you’ve seen firsthand with some of the men.
Erin Holt 02:03
Awesome. Okay. What The Powerful Man is all about? First of all, it’s like such an awesome experience to be able to meet the men and they’re just such great guys. And it feels like a full, like complete circle for me to be able to like, experience them in person, it’s such a gift. Yeah, so the Powerful Man, it is a man who, simply put, is really, really developing his relationship with himself to be the best version of himself, first and foremost, for himself.
And then also so that everybody else in his life gets that version of him, whether married, kids, people he works with. We’re all in a relationship in some capacity. I think most of the men on here are in long-term partnerships, and fathers and business owners. So there’s a lot of really important relationships there. And the most important one is the one with himself, right? So you guys and your wonderful coaches, and even Tim and everybody, really, really, really support. And it’s really kind of like an unlearning to re-learning how to be the best version of yourself. And we can go into all the details you want, but that’s the short version.
Doug Holt 03:20
Yeah, we don’t want to give the experiences away. But we do have something that happens, and you’ve had a chance to meet these guys. And you’ve come to the tail end of The Alpha Reset and met the guys on the other side of part of their journey, The Alpha Reset, being one of our transformational three-day events that we have that almost all the men say, the most significant moment of their lives, if not top two. You see them on the other side of it. But also, there’s the wives on the other side of those men, right. And these are, as you said, they’re fathers, they’re businessmen, they’re here to better themselves for themselves, but also for the people around them.
But the term, The Powerful Man, in today’s society can be a very triggering phrase, if you will, and it can bring up a lot of emotions, especially for women who don’t understand. Speak to it from a woman’s point of view what you know, don’t go into details of the program, of course, but what you know from when the men enter the program, from where they come out of the program, and how that affects their partner and their families.
Erin Holt 04:26
I would say majority of the men come in from a place of confusion, exhausted, frustrated, disconnected, just like life’s not working really well. It might look good from the outside, but it’s not working great on the inside. And after going through the program, and putting in the work, and getting to do The Alpha Reset, condensed version is they come out realizing that the most important relationship is with themselves, how to love themselves and know their worth. And —
Doug Holt 05:07
Can I pause you right there real quick?
Erin Holt 05:09
Yes.
Doug Holt 05:10
Yeah, thanks. So what I’m thinking of though is from a woman’s perspective, what is the woman seeing before a guy joins The Activation Method? And then like… [crosstalk]
Erin Holt 05:10
Who’s after that?
Doug Holt 05:10
Yeah. What’s that environment look like? I want a woman’s — I know what it is. I know deeply what it is for the man and for the woman. But I want to get a…
Erin Holt 05:27
Okay, so the version – [crosstalk]
Doug Holt 05:28
If you’re talking to one of your girlfriends…
Erin Holt 05:30
Oh, I’m talking to one of my clients. I hear it all time. Okay.
Doug Holt 05:31
Yeah, I know you talk to your clients, but just say it’s one of your girlfriends – [crosstalk]
Erin Holt 05:34
Girlfriends, we’re chit chatting
Doug Holt 05:35
Yeah, you’re having a cup of tea, glass of coffee, whatever. And she’s talking about she’s like, “Yeah, things just aren’t working out as well as they could.” You say, because you don’t know as much about deep… because you and I don’t talk about the details of the program, you just get the opportunity to meet the men.
Erin Holt 05:47
So what it’s like for her with him before and then after?
Doug Holt 05:52
Yeah.
Erin Holt 05:53
Her experience?
Doug Holt 05:54
Yes.
Erin Holt 05:54
Okay. Usually, it’s some version of, from her perspective, he’s super stressed out. He’s not available, he is physically in the house but he is not present. He’s not really involved. He’s super, just like short fuse, really a lot of feeling of walking on eggshells to not piss them off, because that happens so easily. And just a lot of needs not getting met from emotional, physical, spiritual. And from her perspective, like she’s holding it all together because she can’t count on him or trust him.
Doug Holt 06:34
And then she finds out, wait a minute, he’s joined this program called The Powerful Man. What’s occurring for her, what could be occurring for her? I know there’s a lot going on there.
Erin Holt 06:44
It’s this weird paradox of like, oh, my God, finally, you are doing something to better yourself. Like, I’ve been probably asking and begging for years. To the other paradox of like, oh, my gosh, what does this mean? He’s going to change. Like, is he… What is the result of this? Is he going to leave me because change can be “ scary” to the relationships that we’re in. So it’s a paradox of like, really excited/very scared.
Doug Holt 07:15
And then I can imagine that right, because you don’t always coming on their side, these men are now investing capital, so money into a program. And especially when things aren’t going that great, money can always be a division in a relationship. It’s one of the biggest things people fight about. But then also time, right. Now, all of a sudden, here you have a businessman notoriously short on time, or what have you, is now going to be taking more time away from his family to do something that she doesn’t know much about.
Erin Holt 07:42
And his attention.
Doug Holt 07:44
And his attention
Erin Holt 07:45
And his energy.
Doug Holt 07:46
And his energy. Yes. All great points. And so now you have The Powerful Man, which you described really eloquently earlier. Now, if your girlfriend’s listening to this right now, right, how would you describe the men that you meet on the other side of the activate — So the men that you’ve met have been on the other side of The Activation Method, as well as our transformational program, The Alpha Reset. But the men you’ve met in general are a good sample size of the men we work with.
Erin Holt 08:15
The first thing is women will understand, I’ll explain in terms of feelings, is they feel grounded. So it’s like they are in touch with themselves, their energy is grounded, and confident. They are happy. Their faces literally look younger. That’s like the first layer of it. They literally look different because they feel different on the inside.
Doug Holt 08:44
Awesome. And when you think about a guy going through this journey, again, I’m not going to say your friend’s name, one of your friends I’m thinking of, you just describe like, she’s like, hey, what is this program about? Like, give me the gist of it, from your understanding of it.
Erin Holt 09:01
Right. How I’d explain it to women?
Doug Holt 09:02
Yeah.
Erin Holt 09:03
I would say something like, like I said before, it’s like, look, the most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. As we get into adulthood, we all get busy and torn in all these different directions. And the most powerful and effective thing that he can do is heal the relationship with himself, grow himself, learn how to have tools and a support system to implement all these things that he’s going to learn that he will be the best version of himself because anybody that honors themselves first is able to honor other people. Anybody that knows how to treat themselves well will treat other people well. Anybody that knows how to love themselves well will love the people well. So you’re actually going to get the version of him that you’ve been desiring. And what that takes is for him to do all those things that we just talked about, and have a support group around it.
Doug Holt 10:00
Yeah, that’s very true, right? We all can use that. I’ll play the role of your girlfriend and I’ll ask questions for you, you let me know. It’s going to be a hard one.
Erin Holt 10:09
You’re going to be my girlfriend, okay.
Doug Holt 10:10
I’m going to be your girlfriend. I’ll change my voice. So just going to pick Colton because he’s behind the video camera as the name. Yeah, but what if Colton goes through this and it just completely changes him?
Erin Holt 10:27
Here’s the thing is like, has it been hard and have you been complaining about who he is for years?
Doug Holt 10:33
Yes.
Erin Holt 10:34
Yes. Okay. So yes, he’s going to grow and change, and it will be a version of him that is different. So that can rock the equilibrium of the dynamics. But you guys have outgrown those dynamics anyway, you’re not happy. He’s not happy, really. So with him getting happier and doing and learning how to honor himself, and again, having support in that, you will get a version of him that you probably haven’t seen since the beginning, but it will also be a much more mature version of him.
Doug Holt 11:04
Is he going to be a woman hater?
Erin Holt 11:06
No, opposite
Doug Holt 11:07
What is the opposite?
Erin Holt 11:08
Somebody that has respect for both men and women and the differences about it and learn just some basic, like biology and ways that women and men are different, and how to support you as his women being the best version of you. And the idea is to reduce the conflict and so he has a better understanding of why you do what you do and why he does what he does, and have a respect and a love for the differences.
Doug Holt 11:37
Is he going to come out of this program trying to manipulate me?
Erin Holt 11:41
Manipulate you?
Doug Holt 10:41
Yeah.
Erin Holt 11:43
No, no, he’s not. There’s, hopefully, with all this understanding of himself and you, there’s going to be a lot more of him knowing how to lead and be confident and loving, and not as much of the low level manipulation stuff that can happen.
Doug Holt 12:02
Exactly. Is it going to take away from Colton being a great father to my kids?
Erin Holt 12:07
Oh, no, he’ll be a better father because he — it literally always comes back to relationship with yourself. He will have more love and connection with himself so he’ll have more to give to his children. Like, the best gift you can give to your children is a happy parent.
Doug Holt 12:23
Agreed. Is Colton going to lose his drive in business?
Erin Holt 12:28
No, he’ll get more. But he’ll be able to hone it in in a way where he might not be spread as thin because he’ll be able to really focus and put his time and attention on what matters most. And will, in men’s language, move the needle and be the most effective. But also learn skills and ways to transition to be turned into husband and father.
Doug Holt 13:00
Awesome. What other questions would a woman ask you, the girlfriend?
Erin Holt 13:03
A woman would want to know the details of what happens behind this program. That’s how we’re wired.
Doug Holt 13:09
Yeah, sure.
Erin Holt 13:11
But that’s not for me to share.
Doug Holt 13:13
Well, yeah, we don’t share them all publicly because it’s not the right venue. We actually give away almost all the information in the program through this podcast and through sharing it further. We’ve done over 700 episodes, at this point, which if you went back and listened to all of them and implemented them, and had good foresight and coaching, you’d be good. That’s all you would need. It’s just the podcast is too hard to systematize into the methodology that we have for The Activation Method.
Erin Holt 13:41
I think a woman would also want to know from her man like, why now, what about this program? Why now? Like, just why.
Doug Holt 13:50
Here’s a question for you, and I’m going to switch gears. But I see this phenomenon, I think I know the answer. But I see it happen a lot, is some men will join The Activation Method, and as soon as they join within one week, they start turning around their marriage. From a woman’s perspective, why do you think that is just a woman’s perspective?
Erin Holt 14:09
Their energy.
Doug Holt 14:11
Do you think it’s also because now, they’ve always been talking about things and now they’re actually doing it? Their wives are seeing them take action.
Erin Holt 14:19
Mhmm.
Doug Holt 14:20
And we say that a lot at the end of the thing I say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And I think a lot of times from talking to the guys they’ve been so walking on eggshells themselves, that they’re still on the fence for so long waiting to make a decision, or maybe their wife’s not ready to make the decision. And so they’re waiting for their wife to come back to them. And they’re held in this middle ground where no decision ever gets made. And then what happens, we have a great testimonial we did with Derek and his wife, an amazing couple, amazing family. Went out to Canada, go see them and sat down and shared some time with their family.
And one of the things he said to his wife was I’m doing this program. And she looked at him kind of like what? And she shared with us and it’s on the video… And guys, you can go look at the actual testimonial pages and thepowerfulman.com/results. She’s like, wow, it was actually kind of a turn on that he’s never like, I’m doing this. There was no discussion, there was no let’s debate about it. Do you think a lot of the women are secretly hoping that their man will take action like that and be assertive to better themselves for their family?
Erin Holt 15:28
Yes, 100%
Doug Holt 15:31
Are you sure about that? You didn’t need time to think about that? Yeah. Why is that?
Erin Holt 15:41
Because it’s attractive when a man is confident in himself. And he’s doing a choice like that, like, I’m doing this program. It’s like, solid. And it’s also he’s doing something that’s, like you said, bettering himself, which will better himself for his family. It’s not like he’s like, doing things that aren’t amazing for him, right, making choices that are going to be detrimental to their family. It has a feeling of like, it’s safe. We can trust you.
Doug Holt 16:09
Mhmm. And what do women want, right, seen, heard, desired, and be in a safe space? Right, those four things – [crosstalk]
Erin Holt 16:17
Connection.
Doug Holt 16:18
Connection. There’s a lot of things women want.
Erin Holt 16:21
Yeah, but in like a biological way, if we feel connected to you, it brings us a feeling of safety and safety in our relationship. Yes, physical-emotional safety will allow us to be more women or feminine around our men. So it’s really, really important.
Doug Holt 16:43
Yeah, and it’s a double edged sword though, right? I know we’re getting off topic here, but I love this conversation. It’s one of the things I love about having you here on the show. And so in order for a woman to be connected to her man, she needs to feel heard first in the relationship. Is that a fair…?
Erin Holt 17:02
One of — Yes.
Doug Holt 17:03
One of many things.
Erin Holt 17:05
Yeah. If I was going to give like a cheat sheet to guys, like feeling connected, and how, in a way, your woman, just like you want to feel, like any man wants to be like, I want to feel like her man. She wants to feel like your woman. And your attention on her, who she is, like feeling like what she’s interested in, what she’s talking about, I’ll come back to feelings in a minute, is going to make her feel safe and connected to you. Not attention about the logistics and who handles getting kids where… That’s not making her feel seen. But your attention, 100% on her. Do you want me talking about feelings for a minute?
Doug Holt 17:53
Yeah, go for it.
Erin Holt 17:54
Okay. So a way that I feel like the men will understand this is like, the way men relate to their opinions, that they are very trustworthy, you can trust your own opinions and they are facts, right? You really trust the facts of things of how you got to your opinion. That is part of who you are and you want those to be heard and respected. The way men relate to their opinions is the way women relate to their feelings. Our feelings are us just the way your opinions are you. So for a really big area where a couple can increase their success is really respecting those, because I think we can get into like, yes, sarcasm can be really funny.
But when you start to discount a woman’s feelings when she’s like, oh, I just feel like this, this, this. Like, that is her. That’s not like a, oh, that’s funny. Like, there’s time and place for funny, but you’re starting to discount her in the same way if a man sent an opinion about something that he has a lot of knowledge about, or just an area in life that he has put a lot of time and effort and a woman makes fun of it, like you’re feeling like she’s discounting you, right? So it’s just a tool to learn the level of importance of a woman’s feelings is equivalent to that.
Doug Holt 19:08
It’s identity, right? It’s all based around the identity of each of the people coming through there. It makes a lot of sense, makes a lot of sense. The guys are going to love that you — Guys, write this down. Like, go back and re-listen to what Erin said because it is definitely a good cheat sheet for guys. We could all use a little help.
Erin Holt 19:24
And I’ll say something on the topic of sex. For men too, right, but I’m just literally talking about the level of how important feelings are for women. I mean, they are for men too, and the type of sex and how it all gets handled can change, obviously. But some of the best sex for women is the type of sex that makes us feel how we love to feel.
Doug Holt 19:49
Say more. Or should we just do a whole podcast on this because I know the guys will tune in.
Erin Holt 19:57
You choose.
Doug Holt 19:58
Do we have enough to do a whole episode?
Erin Holt 20:02
We could or we could just do a little cliff note right now.
Doug Holt 20:04
Do cliff notes. I mean, I don’t want to leave the guys hanging.
Erin Holt 20:07
Okay. Like I said, so you know sometimes it’s more wild, sometimes you’re making love, whatever. But I know for a fact that every woman really just wants to feel desired, super sexy, like she is hot in the eyes of her man. And so it’s like that feeling, if you can help her get to that feeling through letting her know verbally, through just like your action, your desire for her, the way you show up with your energy. Like, you’re — not just your body is there, your whole being is there, that’s the type of sex that feels really good for her in a nutshell.
Doug Holt 20:53
Awesome. On that note. Awesome. Well, thank you again for being here and taking the time. I know you got a lot going on today and I really appreciate you breaking free to be here. I always love doing this with you.
Erin Holt 21:04
Me too.
Doug Holt 21:05
Well, gentlemen, that’s a wrap for us. And as we always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. We’ll see you next time on the TPM show.
Closing:
All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.
You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.
Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!
