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A Woman’s Take: A Man’s Guide To Setting Goals To Help His Family

Episode #772

What does it take to set the stage for meaningful conversations within a relationship?

How can one lead with confidence and intention to create a safe space for discussing dreams and aspirations with a partner?

In this insightful episode, Doug with his wife, Erin, explore these questions and delve into the dynamics of evolving relationships, emphasizing the significance of maintaining open communication amidst life’s changes.

Discover the art of fostering a supportive atmosphere where both partners can express their individual growth and aspirations, ultimately strengthening the bond between them.

In this episode, you’ll learn valuable insights into creating a thriving relationship by setting goals, navigating dreams, and ensuring open communication within the family dynamic.

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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

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Transcription

Doug Holt 00:00

Hey guys, happy New Year and welcome back to the show. As you can see, I am greeted by my lovely wife, Erin Holt, who is also a woman’s coach for over a decade, helping women deal with their growth, support and helping them transcend into the next level. So, Babe, thanks for being here.

Erin Holt  00:20

Thanks for having me again.

Doug Holt  00:21

Absolutely. So we were talking about questions and comments. We had a flood of comments come in from the guys from the previous show that had questions. But today, I thought we’d talk a little bit about something different; comes up for a lot of men, a lot of couples. But here we are at the New Year. And although all the people you talk to say, “Oh, I don’t set New Year’s resolutions,” they do consciously or subconsciously. But what can a man do to help set goals for his family; between he and his wife in particular coming into this New Year?

Erin Holt  00:52

Okay. Well, yeah, it’s like this can be a perfect time of year to capture just the energy that is here, right. It’s just kind of a fresh start. And I think it’s just really powerful when couples can sit down to do it together. And dream into, like the big dreams that they have for themselves, for their family, individually, for business, for — also, I’m going to put a big one in there, fun. Like, I don’t think the fun makes it on many people’s list. I know the last few years with raising our young children, definitely the share one of my priorities is having fun like with my friends, but also fun shared experiences with you. And I’ve shared that with you like… [crosstalk]

Doug Holt  01:35

Several times.

Erin Holt  01:38

— very important to, you know, let’s have fun while we’re doing all this amazing growth and work and all the things that we do to be the best version of ourselves. Fun, for sure, gets to be a part of that.

Doug Holt  01:49

Yeah, and you and I are in a slightly different space than a lot of guys listening to this and their couples are going to be. So I want to take that into consideration, but still fun is there, and we call it being the CFO, the Chief Fun Officer in the moment. And so just so the guys know, what you and I did is we had a babysitter come in, our kids are three and six, to watch the kids during the day. And you and I went to a coffee shop and we sat down and kind of wrote down all the things that we had going on, right? I’m traveling, doing events and things like that with the men that we serve. But also things that you want to do, like you want to go back and visit your family with the kids and different vacations we want to do; spring break. We sat there and listed out all the things that we wanted to do for 2024 so we could look at the landscape, right, and see what was coming up. And then you sent me a text yesterday. What did that text say, roughly?

Erin Holt  02:41

I said another way I feel like that’d be really, well I know it’s really powerful to capture the energy of our goals and just put them – So I’ve also been guilty in the past where I’m like, I create goals but then they’re tucked away. Right. So nobody else can really see them.

Doug Holt 

You like to do everything on the slide.

Erin Holt 

Yeah. And then all of a sudden I like boom, did this, right. But I know it’s really powerful to put them up on our fridge. And I did it yesterday, put up January goals and I just made a whole list, from everything from like automate this to safer kitchen remodel to health goals, to personal business goals, to marriage goals about our date nights. So it’s visible for me every single day, whether I sit there and fully read it or my subconscious will for sure pick up on it every day, you’re also aware, and I said do you want to do this with me? And then at the end of every month, just kind of look back, do an evaluation of like, oh cool, that felt good at the beginning of month. Actually, it doesn’t land anymore, I want to do it like this. Awesome, check. Did this, did this, me taking action on this led to this door opening.

But the other thing is to store — I’m going to store it in actually what you gave me for our wedding. He gave me a beautiful wooden box with all the special places we have been and gotten engaged and all that, store it in there, start one for February, March, etc., etc. And to the end of the year, look back and see how far we’ve come because we will be different people and be like, “Oh, wow, in January, we said we wanted that, but that was already done by July. Or like everything, just the energy of moving forward momentum will lead to bigger things that you can ever imagine. So I think it’s really powerful to do that as a couple.

Doug Holt  04:17

I agree, and this is also a perfect example between men and women and communication. Because you just gave what we call meadow, right, the details and everything else, but the text you sent me basically didn’t say any of that. It just said — it was really straight to the point.

Erin Holt  04:30

Because I know my audience who I was talking to them, I guess. Also, the other thing I want to say… [crosstalk]

Doug Holt  04:33

Which is perfect, though, right? And real quick, and I’ll let you go jump in. The text, and this is important for the guys to know is you just sent me a message and said, hey, look, I want to put my goals for January. Would you like to join me and do this together? We can post it in the kitchen and keep each other accountable. It was really, that was pretty much it. Right? Which was great. And it was great that you took the initiative to come through there. But again, I think what we’re talking about for the guys to understand is being in alignment, right. And it doesn’t have to be that you have the same goals, like, hey, we’re both going to study Chinese this year or whatever. But you’re being in alignment in the sense that you’re both being there for each other to hold each other accountable.

Like, hey, what is it you want to achieve in January or 2024, or whatever the timeframe, the timeframe is not important, and how can I support you? What are the ways in which support… And I think an important one is what does supporting you look like? So for me, you look at the carrot and the stick, I much prefer the stick than the carrot, right? I much prefer the old coaching style of doing things and motivation, and that’s not yours. Right? That would come across as harsh, sarcastic, it’d come across as an asshole if I did the way that I like to be held accountable towards you. And so I think it’s really important for the men that are listening to this to understand that if you’re going to do this with your wife, make sure you understand what support looks like for her.

Erin Holt  06:00

Definitely. Also, I think it’s really important or I know it’s really important to, yes, move forward and be like, “Oh, wow, these are things I’ve been thinking about, dreaming about, I’m actually going to put energy towards them this year. And also to go back and thank yourself for the previous year, because you for sure have grown. If you’re listening to this podcast, you’ve done a lot of work and looking at yourself, healing yourself, experiencing new experiences, figuring out ways to do life in a way that feel better for you. So, make sure you are thankful for yourself for the work you’ve already done to come to where you are today. Like I think we skipped over that step a lot.

Doug Holt  06:39

Yeah, so I did that personally. But I do that every year, I do it often. And we teach the men within the Powerful Man to do that every week, right, is to go back and look at your lessons, what you’re grateful for and where you’ve come. And one of the things in doing that yearly review, and we didn’t do it together, because you were back east visiting your parents and I decided to stay here and take care of some things. But I took some time in the evening to sit down and just list it out. And when you do, you’re like, oh, yeah, we went to the beach. We rented a place on the beach. Oh, yeah, we went to Banff, Canada as a family. Oh, yeah, we did this event. Oh, yeah, we did that. And it’s really cool, because for me, I’m so forward thinking, present and forward, and very rarely, unless I forced myself to, go retrospectively.

And so sitting down there and remembering all the accomplishments, all the great things that we achieved, is great, and I was talking about this with the guys is you can have the best day of your life. That can mean you could have just a frigging 10 out of 10 day and you’re driving home, you’re feeling great about everything, and some guy cuts you off and gives you the finger. What do you think about the rest of the day?

Erin Holt 

That.

Doug Holt 

That’s the only thing you focus on. It’s the human brain, it’s the way the human brain works. So we need to rewire ourselves and go back to this idea of gratefulness, and looking back at all the good things. And that’s a great way to start for a couple.

Erin Holt  07:54

Definitely. I guess something that’s came into me, so I’m going to say it, and I think it’s more of a feminine thing, but I’m going to say it. So I think also, it’s really important, however, it’s probably in your program somewhere. But I think a really, really vital thing of setting intention goal, whatever you want to call it, is, how do you want to feel? Because I think it’s really, we get really caught up in the stress and the doing and the got to do the next thing. And it’s like, yes, that’s amazing to produce results and create things and manifest all the things that you dream of.

If you’re doing it the whole time and you feel horrible on the inside and you feel tons of guilt or stress or just completely wiped out so that when you’re actually around the people you love, you’re kind of not an amazing human being, but you’re an amazing human being out in the world. I’ve challenged people to like, how do you want to feel on a daily basis? How do you want to feel when you’re around your family, the ones you’re doing all this work for; your loved ones? You’re going to show up the best version of yourself, make sure you want to do that behind closed doors as well. I feel like that’s a really common thing I hear.

Doug Holt  08:54

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. We don’t talk about that as much, we talk about what do you want to be? Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? It’s very similar. Us guys aren’t as much into the feeling talks. We skirt it a little bit.

Erin Holt 

Yeah, but you’re really capable.

Doug Holt 

No, I know we’re capable. But you know how it is. [crosstalk]

Erin Holt 

I know.

Doug Holt 

You got to give them what they want before you can give them what they need. I know you do. So I can imagine a lot of guys listening to this are excited. Like wow, that’d be amazing. Everybody wants to be a partner with their partner. They want to feel like they’re in partnership. Right? They’re going to be the power couple. And so imagine a guy’s listening to this right now. It may be his wife’s in the car, maybe she’s not. But I’m picturing a guy driving and they’re in the throes of things, they got some distance between us, kind of that analogy we use is you’re sleeping six inches apart, but you feel like you’re six miles apart away from each other. How does he initiate this conversation if the mood around the house, the conversations around the house are just logistics; just about the kids, soccer practice, things like that? His wife is going to have one was up, he’s got walls up. Obviously, he’s got to take those down. But how does he initiate this conversation around reflection and then planning for 2024 so they can have the best experiences of family?

Erin Holt  10:14

Good question. I’m just going to riff first thing that comes to me. So it’s — Yes. Like everybody within their partnership wants to feel like they’re the most important person to their person, hands down, right. So it’s just like, start with that. Like, you’re my most important thing. Like, I want to create a 2024 being layout what you want, like more connected in our marriage. I want to have more fun with you, I want to have more sex with you, I want our family to have this. I want our home to be a safe, harmonious place. I’m using feminine language but like — And I also want to be able to provide this through my work and my business and just sharing what you actually want in a way she can actually feel you, super powerful, otherwise known as vulnerability. And setting aside a time for that conversation because it deserves space and time. It’s not something you have while you’re making lunches and breakfasts in the morning. It deserves its own space like you and I created.

Doug Holt  11:19

Yes, so let’s talk about that in basic steps. We’re guys, we like directions.

Erin Holt  11:24

Okay. Book the babysitter, if you have children. If you don’t, book the date, and let’s set it — if you’re going to be at home, which is totally cool, I don’t know, build a fire, light the candle, make it a little bit special.

Doug Holt  11:37

Perfect. Make it fun.

Erin Holt 

Make it fun.

Doug Holt 

Don’t show up with your spreadsheets like you’re at a board meeting.

Erin Holt 

No, boring.

Doug Holt 

I did that early on in the relationship, didn’t work so well.

Erin Holt 

No.

Doug Holt 

Let’s talk about finances. Sharpen the pencils. Yeah. So you want to be in dream state, right? You want to be in a state of creativity, a state of play, almost childlike where you’re encouraging each other. And in this case, since we’re talking to the guys, you’re encouraging your woman to draw out what her real dreams are. Because sometimes for some people, not for you, but their dreams are scary. Sharing their dreams are scary. People are going to laugh at me, what are they going to think? And especially if there’s been an adversarial relationship in the house, your wife, not your wife, but the guys’ wives might be hesitant to share their true dreams. And it might be hard for them to see their dreams with that person.

Erin Holt  12:28

Yes, very true. That’s why the more couples, I think, can get in practice of having meaningful conversations, meaningful connections, it doesn’t always have to be like a four–hour date, but putting more intention and energy into your marriage, your person, your long-term partnership is always going to reap the rewards that we want. And then if you want to create a better marriage, which I’m assuming everybody on here wants to, one of the fastest ways as I know you guys teach them is to improve the relationship with yourself. Stop trying to control your partner. Like, look at yourself, and you will free up so much energy and stress.

Doug Holt  13:08

Yeah, luckily for you I’m perfect so it makes it easier for everybody. We just turned the focus elsewhere.

Erin Holt  13:16

One of the questions I think that — I mean, there’s so many New Year’s questions. One that I came across the other day that I was like, oh, that hit me, so I feel like it might hit other people. It’s like where do you want to be when you look back next year at this time within all your categories, health, wellness, whatever at this time, and how do you want to feel also. And then… [crosstalk]

Doug Holt 

Rocking chair test.

Erin Holt 

Yeah. Or just within the year.

Doug Holt  13:45

Yeah, yeah, but still. It’s a nice rocking chair. You like rocking chairs?

Erin Holt  13:49

Yeah. And then just kind of — just like use that as kind of like, ooh, this would be amazing. This would be amazing and let yourself go outside of like, there’s no end of like how you’re going to get there. It doesn’t matter. I used to get bogged down on all that stuff.

Doug Holt  14:03

The how is the least important always, right?

Erin Holt 

Yeah.

Doug Holt 

The how figures itself out. Especially the men that listen to this and the women that listen to the show, they’re overachievers sometimes. They can be a little more decisive if you ask me but they’re overachievers.

Erin Holt  14:17

So yeah.

Doug Holt  14:20

Those are great points. So we’re setting the scene, we’ve got the date night set up, and we’ve got the babysitter or the kids are old enough or whatever, we’re out of the house or in the house. One thing I’m going to throw out there and I’m going to ask you, my question is, don’t drink too much. If you’d like to drink, great. Have a glass of wine or whatever, but don’t drink too much, especially if there’s agitation in the relationship because it’s going to tend to create more tension in there.

Erin Holt 

100% agree.

Doug Holt 

So what we want to do here then is what could be an opening line that you would want to hear, either from me or one of the women that you coach personally. Like what’s a good opening line? I’ll ask you first, what’s a good opening line for a guy to start off with to broach this subject, assuming that either A, they haven’t done it recently or ever, or B, it’s never gone well? What would make you feel safe?

Erin Holt  15:21

Yeah. Well, for me, and I think a lot of women but depending on where they’re at in their relationship, but it’s like, have you pull me in and just say, come here. Like, I love you so much. Like, this year, we’re doing things differently. I’m here for you. I’ve got you. Like, I really, really, really want to create a better marriage. And it’s like just so, so, so important to me, and you’re important to me, and I want to do this with you so that we can create a harmonious home, a happy marriage where we both feel safe, which leads to all the fun stuff; laughter, playfulness, intimacy. So sharing, like I said before, it’s always sharing what you truly want.

Doug Holt  16:11

I love that you got emotional as you were saying that. You can see it in your eyes.

Erin Holt  16:14

Yeah, because it’s like it matters.

Doug Holt  16:16

It does matter. And guys, this is a version of the Hidden Motives Technique that we use, what Erin — exactly what she said, it’s a modified version. And I’m going to be doing a whole masterclass on this. You didn’t know this. But a whole masterclass. We’re filming it, actually, either this week or next week. I can’t recall. But it’ll be released probably in March. So if you guys are interested in getting that Hidden Motives masterclass, anybody, just go ahead and email VIP@thepowerfulman.com. I didn’t want to interrupt that, it was a spontaneous comment. But when you said that, one, is it hit me personally because of how emotional how real it was for you. Two is it’s a technique. The way that you phrase that is how we teach the guys to better communicate. And you remember how masterful of a communicator I was when we first got married?

Erin Holt 

Oh, that was very special.

Doug Holt 

Grew up in a house with all boys, you know, brothers, playing sports my whole life. I just communicate like a guy, very direct and very — Yeah, it wasn’t the most eloquent. You know, it took me a long time to figure it out. Still a work in progress. But aren’t we all? So we got there. The man has lowered her walls, made her start to feel safe. For a lot of these women, though, I got to imagine Erin, that for a lot of these women, if a guy does it the way you said that, and guys don’t say it verbatim the way she said it. I know half of you guys have already paused this, rewound it, written it down, practice it, but make it your own thing, please. I’ve had so many guys do this when I give them like, hey, this is what I would say, and they’d say that verbatim that eventually their wife figures it out.

So, her walls are down, she’s starting to feel probably safe for the first time in probably a long time, if ever in the marriage. And it’s where a lot of women report back when guys go through our program, this is the first time I’ve ever felt safe in a relationship. And the guys are like, wow, I’m just using these techniques. But it’s basic, you know.

Erin Holt  18:13

It’s emotional safety.

Doug Holt  18:14

It’s emotional safety, she feels safe for the first time. And as a man, that’s what I want. I want you to always feel physically safe and emotionally safe, and spiritually safe, always. And so the guys, they want that, but then there’s that resistance. Anyway. So we’ve got that scene, now what? She’s feeling safe. How do I continue this conversation with her?

Erin Holt  18:36

Either have your guys’, I don’t know how they, you know, your family does your scheduling with family calendar or already have it booked, but I set aside a time we can do this, Thursday, you know, from 04:00 to 07:00, we’ve got it handled, dinner’s handled. Like, I just really want to have this, do this with you. It’s really important.

Doug Holt  18:55

Awesome. Do you think it’s important for the man to lead that conversation or ask, hey, would you like to do this with me?

Erin Holt  19:06

Both. Setting the stage for it, leading it, and then also like, do you want to do this with me? It’s really important to me that we do this together.

Doug Holt  19:15

I would suggest, and tell me if I’m wrong, it’d be important for him to inquire but also then tell why it’s important to him.

Erin Holt 

Yeah.

Doug Holt 

Right. And it’s what you did in your intro, basically. I want a better 24, a better year for us. But you said it very directly. You said it with a lot of confidence, like this is what we’re doing. We’re going to have a better year, basically. You didn’t say that, but it was inferred.

Erin Holt  19:38

Well, is everything, right? Your energy walks in the room before you do, so it really matters. Like, whatever you have to do, I feel like before a lot of conversations, but just think about an easy thing, a metaphor to think about, not a metaphor, but like you show up to a business meeting, you’re going to show up with a certain energy, like a confidence, a knowing, a hey, this is where we’re going blah, blah, blah. You’re not like hey, what do you guys think about this new thing? Like, nobody’s going ti respond to that.

Doug Holt  20:05

Yeah, I’m reading a book on this right now on body language and hidden cues. And it’s funny that you say that because the woman who’s a specialist in this is referencing the guy who does — who invented the ring, the doorbell video thing. He did a pitch on Shark Tank. And he rang the doorbell and they said who is it? And he said, I don’t remember his name, Dave here to do a pitch. And he said it with a question atonement. And what she was saying is they’ve studied this, psychologists have studied that particular pitch. And the guys will get this because it’s a business pitch. And all of a sudden, it created instant distrust in him because he wasn’t confident.

Erin Holt  20:41

That’s the same thing that happens, women or men.

Doug Holt  20:45

Exactly. That’s why I brought it up. But I’m giving an analogy to something these guys can understand a little bit like, oh, okay, I get it.

Erin Holt  20:50

But also you’re not showing up to your wife as a business meeting.

Doug Holt  20:52

No.

Erin Holt  20:53

You’re showing up with like, this is somebody I love dearly, I care about dearly, I want the best for us, I want the best for her, I want the best for me. So you’re showing up with a confident but loving energy.

Doug Holt  21:04

Yeah, you just said something that’s super key that most of the guys aren’t going to catch. There’s three entities there that you mentioned. So you’ve trained in this for so long that you forget that these are newer concepts, probably for the guys, and I do too. But men, what she said there was really important is there’s three entities that you want the best for. There’s her, there’s your relationship, and then there’s yourself. And you must make sure that all three of those are taken care of. Because if any one of those isn’t taken care of, you’re off balance, and the whole frigging thing collapses.

Erin Holt 

Yes.

Doug Holt 

Yeah. I know you… Sometimes it’s hard to forget what, you know.

Erin Holt  21:42

Yeah. Well, it’s also just all three of those things have energy too. And just like a simple concept, like showing up with the right energy, but also, you’re going to fight, you’re going to disappoint each other, you’re going to hurt each other. The art of repair is important, but also I think a big question that is also really important for us to ask continually is how do we want our marriage to feel? Like over and over again. Because you’re going to grow, you’re going to change. You have kids, they get older, whatever. Schedules change, dreams change. I mean, our marriage has died and been reborn a lot of times already. In reality, we haven’t even been married that long.

Doug Holt  22:22

Yeah. And it should be I think, I think it should constantly be evolving. I think something that people forget, consistently is, I’m not the same man you married, you’re not the same woman I married. Your interests are different…

Erin Holt 

We’re parents.

Doug Holt 

Yeah, we’re parents, there’s all kinds of changes, though. The books you read are different. The dreams and desires you have aren’t all the same. Some of them are, right, your character hasn’t changed, your values haven’t changed. Some of them have morphed a little bit, and beliefs and things. But the thing that you and I do is we check in with each other, and kind of figure out, and very few couples do that. And that’s something you and I learned along the way. So I think that’s an important tip for the guys as they’re going through this and are sitting down, talking about 2024, reflecting on 2023 is also take a moment to get into your wife’s world and understand what it is.

So I take note of all the books you read, just because I’m curious of what you’re into. It’s because I care about you, and it’s also I’m just curious what kind of stuff you’re into right now, what shows you’re watching, what classes you’re taking. You know, it’s intrigue because I love you, and I want the best for you. And if I can support you in some way. I just don’t — I think that because life gets busy.

Erin Holt  23:36

Sure does.

Doug Holt  23:39

Kids get busy, work gets busy, all of these things happen, you know. And the men that we serve are business owners, so they never clock out. Right? The moms never clock out, right? Dads never clock out. So you have all these roles that are going in, and sometimes we forget to check in with the person that we love and committed to and to see who are they now.

Erin Holt  24:00

Yeah. Another thing that’s coming up is also allow each other space to dream differently. Like, it might look different and we hit on this, another topic, we’ll talk about another time, but feminine and masculine energy, everything. And I know I probably go about it in a very different way than you do.

Doug Holt 

You do.

Erin Holt 

And allow that. Like, honestly, sometimes I’d be like, oh, my gosh, maybe I should do it the way Doug does it and I was a little wobbly. And I was like, oh, wait, that doesn’t actually work for me to get to my true, like what I actually truly desire. So yeah, let her dream differently and let yourself dream differently. And you still share your experiences, but it might just be a different approach.

Doug Holt  24:41

Yeah, totally different approach. I mean, I certainly can fall guilty in either, one, assuming that you’re thinking the same way I am. Or two, maybe at times even assuming that when you’re talking about something I’m like, oh, well that doesn’t make any sense or what — from my perspective. Everybody takes things from their own lens of view, their own perspective as we go through life. And so yeah, I think it’s important not to, in this conversation we’re talking about not to squash dreams. We talked about, hey, how do we do this? Okay. We want to travel six months out of the year, but we all want to buy a new house, we want to do this, we want to grow the business. Something’s got to give, right?

But don’t bring up that something’s got to give conversation during this date that we’re talking about now. Just get it all on the table, and let everything out and let everything be seen. And then you can eventually back into the okay, yeah, you want to travel for six months. I think that’s a really great idea. And you want to build a business, grow your business. Okay. Is it possible to do both, yes or no? You start making decisions. And a lot of times, and we do this in business, in fact, we did yesterday here as the team, is we mapped out the calendar of all the dates that I would be traveling, things we wanted to get done. And all of us looked at each other and go, there’s no way we can fit everything in here. It’s impossible. But it brings reality to the conversation. Okay, what do we want to take out? What do we want to keep in? And now you can start looking at what’s really important.

Erin Holt  26:11

Yes. And I also feel like a little bit of this is like, feeling like, yes, let’s get down to the reality of like, okay, this is important. This isn’t, let’s put energy here first. And I’m also going to flip, like sometimes with — I know, for women, just — the men on here a lot of them have women partners. So we mentioned how everything’s energy. Men have intuition as well, but we’re very attuned to our intuition and the way things feel. So, a simple place where I can go to connect with the unseen energy of whatever you want to call it, different dimensions, God, Spirit, anything, just quiet meditation. And like, I will ask, what do you want me to know now? Or what’s my next steps?

And so there can be different ways to acquiring manifesting that’s not a linear way for men and women. But I know a lot of women that I work with, are tuned into this, and I teach them this. So things can happen very quickly in a different way that kind of seems like a magical, energetic way. But yes, there’s steps that you need to do and action steps and all that. But as far as like, not squelching dreams, because sometimes I think we can think small out of fear. And yeah, so that same question about like, next year, at this time, where do you want to be? The follow up question, after dreaming with that is okay, if you could wave a magic wand and 10X that? Where would you actually be at the end of this year?

Doug Holt 

Interesting, yeah.

Erin Holt 

Or who would you be? Where and who?

Doug Holt  28:10

So that’s the question I asked myself. Who would I be to be the man that… that’s achieved all of these things? How does that man show up, and things of that nature; to be a better husband, to be a better lover, to be a better father, to be a better business person, a better mentor, coach, and all of those things. And it’s very similar to what you’re doing, exactly what you’re talking about is being in that energy of what’s possible.

Erin Holt  28:36

Yeah. We don’t have to talk about it today, but there’s a lot of just neuroscience around how it can shift the way our brain works and fires. And really, really learning that skill of staying in connection with gratitude and possibility and other dimensions that are available when you talk about that — one, though.

Doug Holt  28:59

Perhaps. Yeah. So we’ve got the date set and we’ve got the goals. What’s a good way of putting a bow on this?

Erin Holt  29:11

Putting a bow on this?

Doug Holt  29:12

Yeah. So, let’s just say, a guy’s here, he’s been able to, one, he set the date, made sure that everything was taken care of, babysitter, kids are taken care of so she could focus on the date itself. We talked a lot about dating and what you could do, guys, and you can go back through previous podcasts and look. But let’s say that’s all set up, they’re on the date, her guard’s down, she feels in a safe, more vulnerable place. They’ve talked about reflection, they’ve talked about dreams, right? And they’re getting ready to either head home, or if they’re at home in this conversation, what’s a good way of closing the loop?

Erin Holt  29:55

If possible, I don’t know, it’s always fun to have some intimacy after.

Doug Holt  29:59

You can say sex.

Erin Holt  30:00

Sex. All right, have some sex after. In our circumstance that was impossible. But yeah, keep it light, keep it fun. Like, grab her hand, pull her in, just connection and fun, playfulness. Because dreaming’s fun. Like, our dreams are there for us, like they’re meant for us. So it’s like, let’s pay attention and sharing them sometimes can be scary, because you’re like, um, I don’t really even — I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m nervous. But I keep thinking about it, so I’m going to say it out loud to somebody else and trust that it’s a safe place. So keeping it safe and light and fun.

Doug Holt  30:39

Love it. Guys, the message of the whole story, keep it safe, light and fun. Absolutely. Awesome. Thank you so much for being on. It’s always great. The guys love hearing your side of things as well.

Erin Holt 

Yeah, thank you.

Doug Holt 

It’s always good having you here. Gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. If you are in The Powerful Man movement, I’m going to encourage you to make a post. Make a post in our private community and let us know how this went for you. And if you have questions for Erin, I’m sure we can get her back on.

Erin Holt 

Absolutely.

Doug Holt 

And we’d love to have her on again. So let me know what questions you would like a woman’s perspective on and we’ll move forward with that. Again, in the moment of insight, take massive action. We’ll see you next time on the TPM Show.

Closing:

All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.

You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.

Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!