Why Men Struggle To Receive Love and Compliments

Episode #743

Also listen on:

iTunes
Spotify

Transcription

Doug Holt  00:00

Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the powerful Man Show. I am joined by the one and only head coach, Arthur Magoulianiti.

Arthur Magoulianiti  00:36

Good morning. Good morning. How are we doing?

Doug Holt  00:38

Doing great, brother. Doing great. Well, it’s great to have you here at The Ranch. How are you enjoying it so far?

Arthur Magoulianiti  00:42

It’s been amazing. It’s been a long time coming and just to be here and to be part of this dream that we envisaged, like, years ago, and to be standing here now, enjoying the atmosphere, the energy, the views, and it’s just incredible.

Doug Holt  00:57

Yeah, it’s great to have you here. Coming off of BAMF, another amazing event. You delivered, as you always do.

Arthur Magoulianiti  01:04

We delivered.

Doug Holt  01:05

Yeah. We delivered.

Arthur Magoulianiti  01:06

Yeah, we delivered. The whole team delivered. So it was amazing.

Doug Holt  01:09

It was really amazing. And coming off that, we were having a conversation over having a cup of coffee in the kitchen. We’re overlooking the mountains, and we’re talking about some of the struggles the men face. And one of the things that we see a lot is guys that have a really hard time receiving or having the attention on them. Right? These men spend so much time doing for others. They run successful companies. They’re great guys. They would give you literally the shirt off their back. And they’re not liars, but they would look you in the eyes and go, I’m not cold.

And the teeth would be chattering because they would do that for so many other people. Yet when the tension gets turned to them, helping them out, talking about their issues and how we can solve any of the constraints, business, marriages, kids, it’s really difficult for them to have the spotlight shined on them.

Arthur Magoulianiti  02:03

Yeah, this is like a really common. I mean, we see this all over the place with a lot of the guys we work on. It’s just a case of they happy to give out, they’re happy to give the shirt of the back, as you said. And it’s just like, I don’t want the focus on me. I feel uncomfortable about the focus, but it’s also about. It leads for me into the whole subject of receiving, being able to receive. And as we know, everything is energy. That was the topic of BAMF. And when we’re talking about energy, energy’s got to flow. Yes, it’s got to flow. And if we’re only giving and never receiving, then there’s an issue there. We obstruct this energetic flow.

 And so it’s something that definitely we got to look at. And it becomes very apparent when the easiest thing is, like, give a guy a compliment, right? You give a guy a compliment and he pushes it off, he laughs it off, he never receives it. And so that’s the first sign. And there’s various reasons for this, as far as I’m concerned. One of the reasons is people think they’re just not worth the time. They don’t want to take time away from other people, which means that they don’t feel worthy of having time spent on themselves. So it’s a really interesting issue, and as I said, it’s something we see very often with a lot of the guys that we work with.

Doug Holt  03:24

Yeah. And transparently, I have a problem with it. Right? It’s something I’ve been working on for the last several years, is this idea of not deflecting and just receiving as you go through it. It can be difficult. And for me, though, it’s not a sense of not feeling worthy. I think it comes from a sense of, as I’m just thinking about it right now, of wanting more so, to help others, like, yeah, I already know. I honestly, not to sound like an ass holes, I already know that I’m good in those areas now let’s move forward. And it’s not embarrassment, it’s humbleness that’s been instilled throughout childhood, I guess, or growing up, of not wanting all that attention.

Arthur Magoulianiti  04:08

Yeah. For me, it’s the other side, and that is not to be seen. All right, you’re a kid. You got toe the line. If you put your head above the parapet, you make a noise, then bang, you’re taking attention away from what’s going on around you, so you don’t. And so for me, it’s always been like, well, don’t cause a fuss and don’t inconvenience other people. My mother’s big thing. We’re going to go out, we’re going to go visit friends. If you cause a fuss, if you do this or whatever, we’ve sorted out when you get back.

Doug Holt  04:39

Yeah. Don’t make me look bad.

Arthur Magoulianiti  04:41

Don’t make me look bad, you know. And then I think that just takes one step, you know, when you go on into the real life, your life, your adult life or whatever. It’s a case of I don’t want to upset the Apple card out there. You have that residual coming through which can then hold you back. Yeah. I don’t want to inconvenience that person. I don’t want to disturb that person. Just leave them alone kind of thing. But that obviously doesn’t work out particularly well when it comes to you owning your spot in the world.

Doug Holt  05:08

Yeah, well, this comes back to some basic brain science and brain chemistry. Also, when you think about this through anthropological times or through history, we were always in tribes, right, in communities, tight knit communities. And we still are today. They look different. But if young Arthur is out there and you’re having the spotlight on you and people are seeing you, and if they don’t like what they’re seeing, for some reason, you can be ostracized from the group. Now, if you’re ostracized from the group and you’re in the Savannah of Africa, you’re kicked out.

Now, all of a sudden you got a problem. You got a problem. Yeah. Instead of 50 people and a lion comes, you’re by yourself or you twist an ankle and you can’t get there. So I also think there’s some of that that’s pre-programmed within us is not to stand out. So we’re not ostracized from the group. We fit in. How do we belong? We belong by blending.

Arthur Magoulianiti  06:05

Yeah. And we see this a lot in society as, like, you know, you stick your head out and other people want to take you down, as know, in the UK, it’s a big thing. You take yourself down on purpose so that other people don’t take you down a notch, you know, like, who are you to do this? Who are you to do that?

Doug Holt  06:20

In Australia, they call it Tall Poppy syndrome.

Arthur Magoulianiti  06:22

Yeah, exactly that. But, yeah, it all comes back to valuing yourself enough to say, hang on, I’m a human being. I deserve a space here, right? Just like anybody else. And you owning your life in that respect, it’s not always that easy, though.

Doug Holt  06:44

That’s why we coach.

Arthur Magoulianiti  06:47

That’s why we coach and yeah, and that’s why we continue to do the work on ourselves. Because, as you said, you’ve encountered this. I’ve encountered it. I think most people have. But it’s the work we get to do. And the more we can receive, the more we can give as well. I think it’s an equilibrium that we have to establish.

Doug Holt  07:01

Yeah. And when this conversation, sometimes, like all these conversations, we get to remember that what you and I talk about privately, most people may never have that conversation. And one of those things could be, is, hey, look, when you don’t receive, you actually, it’s like giving a gift. If I went and got you this really nice, ornate gift, whatever it may be, and if you just shun it and throw it in the trash — [Crosstalk].

Yeah, yeah, keep waiting. If you threw that gift in the trash, I would feel bad, right? Like, wait a minute. I spent all this time and energy giving Arthur a gift. He just throws it in the trash. That’s often what happens. Or the feeling that when you give someone a compliment and they just push it away, they’re throwing it in the trash, thus making the other person feel bad they’re not giving that person the gift of giving.

And when guys start to get that paradigm, I think, in my experience, let me know yours, that it allows them the permission of receiving. Right? Because we’ll use a guy that you and I were talking about earlier. Right? Amazing man. Like, this guy, by all accounts, is absolutely amazing, but has a really hard time receiving, a really hard time having the spotlight on him.

Now, he knows he’s an amazing guy, and it’s hard for him to hear it from other people he respects. So because he cares so much about other people, when I was talking to him about, hey, look, you’re not giving me the gift of doing that. You’re actually taking that away from me, that you saw his light bulb moment go off for him. Like, whoa, I don’t want to offend Doug or take something away from Doug or Dim Doug’s light. So therefore, I will have to be uncomfortable receiving something to do that.

So, really what we’re doing is we’re taking the Paradigm and we’re just turning on its head, switching it around so it gives them a tool to allow them to start the practice of receiving.

Arthur Magoulianiti  08:51

Yeah, that’s exactly it. We can’t rob other people of doing what we are doing and getting a benefit from because all these guys just give a lot because they get a lot back from giving.

Doug Holt  09:04

Oh, yeah.

Arthur Magoulianiti  09:05

And so, as you say, we cannot rob that from other people who are trying to do that ourselves. And so, yeah.

Doug Holt  09:17

It’s tough. It’s tough for a lot of the guys and for a lot of the people listening to this. So for you guys actually watching this, how good, easy is it for you to receive? How easy is it for you to allow someone to compliment you and just say thank you? Simply saying thank you. And it’s tough for most of the men that we work with.

And a lot of the men that we work with, this is also the similar Concept has got them in trouble in their Marriages. It’s led to them being the nice guy. The quote, nice guy syndrome that happens where they’re doing things for accolades but not for the spotlight. Does that make sense, what I’m trying to say?

Arthur Magoulianiti  09:56

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that leads on to a lot of guys being in a relationship and actually not feeling like they have a space in that relationship. Right? That they are secondary in that relationship. And so they sort of followed their partners around, trying to be that good boy and not valuing their own opinion, their own desires, their own wants in that relationship because they feel like they cannot or they shouldn’t. But that upsets the whole apple cart.

We have guys that just really battle with this, and it causes a lot of issues because basically, you showing up as the little boy know, not being seen, not being heard, being a good boy in case, as we know, you get something back from that. And that’s never going to work. That’s a shitty energy, and that’s not what your wife wants either, or your partner, for that matter. Yeah, exactly.

Doug Holt  10:53

Yeah. And also, when I think about this conversation, and I know you know this, Arthur, for the guys listening, you’re robbing an opportunity to connect. So a lot of times when someone gives you a sincere compliment, they want to use that as an opportunity to connect and say, hey, look, I see you. I see you and how great you’re doing. And when you just take a moment to receive it, that’s an opportunity to connect with that individual. Whereas you brush it off, you’ve just cut off all connection.

And that’s a lot of reasons the women wives partners will complain about not feeling connected, not feeling like they know the person really well. And it’s because men tend to cut off that connection. And it’s through compliments, through receiving. That often happens. And so if I’m a woman and my husband or my partner, I can’t connect him through positivity, through compliments. I’m going to connect with him through negativity. We know kids do this. Your wife’s going to do it as well. And the sad thing is, guys, is the women are going to get that connection from you because you’re going to get pissed, you’re going to get upset. And they just craving some sort of connection. It’s not the connection they want, but it’s better than none.

Arthur Magoulianiti  12:04

Exactly that. Exactly. And really, it’s a mask that guys wear. It’s not being polite really? It’s not being good when you do this. You’re actually wearing a mask, and this robs you from you connecting with your own authenticity, which is what everybody wants, including yourself.

Doug Holt  12:21

Yeah. Let’s try it. Why don’t you compliment me for a while and we’ll just see how well.

Arthur Magoulianiti  12:26

Should have prepared something.

Doug Holt  12:28

We don’t have the time. What are you trying to say? I always joke around, like, you can deflect things and make it funny as long as you don’t believe it. Right? I always like to laugh and joke that that’s just who I am. If you’re around me, you realize I make fun of everything myself, more than anything. And it’s not to put myself down. However, a lot of guys do it to put themselves down.

Arthur Magoulianiti  12:49

Exactly.

Doug Holt  12:50

And that’s the difference. It’s not deflection if you don’t believe it. Right? Because a lot of guys will think, no, that’s not me. Right? I’m not that good. The good guy you’re talking about. And they believe it in their heads where you have guys like me who have too big of an ego that we actually like. We joke. We’ll joke because I know I’m great, but I think it’s an important distinction to understand because for some guys, they’re okay with receiving in the workplace, but not okay receiving in their personal lives, with other men, with their partners.

When it comes to a character thing, it’s hard for them to receive when it comes to, hey, you just did a good job on fixing that pipeline, whatever. Making it up. They’re okay with receiving there because they know they did a good job. But when it comes down to them as a character, them as a man, that becomes a more difficult thing to receive.

Arthur Magoulianiti  13:47

Yeah. And I wonder if it’s because in a relationship, you got to be more open, you got to be more vulnerable. In a business setting, it’s easy. Yeah, you did a good job. Great. Okay, cool. And you’re comfortable. So many guys are so comfortable doing what they do well in business because do this, get that result with a relationship, it’s not the same. And I think in order to get it right, you got to be open. You got to be able to connect, and that makes you vulnerable. And so guys have to get used to allowing themselves to be vulnerable because that’s the true state of a great, connected relationship. You showing up authentically and powerfully and open.

Doug Holt  14:25

Well, that’s exactly it. Right? Because that’s what being your power is about. It’s courageousness. Right? So being scared and doing it anyway. And to your point, the reason that work is coming to me now, the reason that work can be easier. It’s also newer, right? So you, as a young boy going out with your mom, these are patterns that have been grained in you since you were 2, 3, 4, 5 years old. Where you’re going out, you’re going to these family gatherings and all these other things. Your mom’s like, hey, look, you better behave or we’ll settle this when we get home. That carries on to adulthood. Because that’s the way you’ve learned. The world works. Then it’s till we go back and question those things that we’ve learned. Like, I always use the analogy.

You’ve heard me use this 100 times, is how often do you update the software on your smartphone? Whenever there’s an update, you’re doing it. You may try to wait because you don’t want to get the bugs, but you’re updating it within a month, if not sooner. When’s the last time you updated your programming within your head? The programming within your culture, the programming within how you relate to other human beings. And until you do that which The Alpha Reset, in my opinion, I don’t know about you, Arthur is the number one way to do it. Then you don’t have the ability to question it and move forward. That’s stagnation.

Arthur Magoulianiti  15:37

Yeah. We are highly sophisticated computers. We all know this. I mean, it’s a whole story. We’re full of programs, and we’ve given everything in life meanings because we’re meaning making machines. And so if something happens, we’re given a meaning. Unfortunately, sometimes those meanings that we create at times of stress, at times of traumatic experiences aren’t correct. But when we live our lives according to that, then we don’t get the RESULTS we want. And these can recur often. And so if you have pattern, and obviously we have patterns, if things keep happening for you in a relationship, then you got a program that doesn’t support the ultimate desire that you have. So, absolutely right. We got to work on identifying these patterns, correcting them, giving them new meanings. And that can change the complete trajectory of our lives.

Doug Holt  16:29

Complete trajectory. And I think something that’s really important to think about here is here you have a really good guy, right? A great man, a nice guy, whatever you want to say, who deflects compliments because he’s being a nice guy, but he is stunting his own growth. And the growth of the person giving a compliment, it is the opposite of what he’s trying to achieve the exact opposite.

He’s thinking, okay, I’m a good guy. I don’t want people to think I’m arrogant or I’m an ass or anything like that. So I’ll brush off the compliments. And really, what he’s doing is being an ass because he’s stunting his own growth, his own potential. And that potential for a good guy is potential to do better in the world, but he’s also stunting the growth of the other person who’s trying to connect with him.

Arthur Magoulianiti  17:14

Absolutely. But when we’re talking about the masks, a lot of guys think they got to fit in some way. So they look at the situation and say, okay, in order for me to fit in this situation, I got to be a certain way. And that’s where we all make that mistake, because that is wearing a different mask. Each time you come to this place, you wear a mask. You go over here. Oh, I got to look a different way. Put on mask.

 But the goal is to show up authentically who you are in all of these places. Yes, because that is what people want, even if they might not say it up front. This is what the world needs. This is what you need because if we pretending to be something we’re not, we can never be happy. We can’t be congruent. We can’t show up powerfully. And so it’s when we drop these masks and say, hey, this is who I am. Take it or leave it, and be okay with that. I think that’s one of the biggest RESULTS out of The Alpha Reset. This is me.

Doug Holt  18:12

And what happens for 99% of the time for these guys is they’re more connected with people. When you stop caring, what you start realizing a. It’s cliché, but nobody’s really thinking about you anyway. They’re thinking of themselves, but they become more themselves. They’re more attractive. Right? And they create a space where, by them being more themselves and being more authentic, they create a space that for other people to be more themselves and more authentic. Thus, they’re more fulfilled, and other people around them are more fulfilled, which is the exact opposite of what we were talking about earlier with people who deflect the compliments.

Arthur Magoulianiti  18:44

Yeah, it’s counterintuitive. But if you do that, you get what you want, while everything else you’re trying isn’t getting you what you want. And not that we’re talking about The Alpha Reset right here, but one of the greatest stories I love about The Alpha Reset is when the guys go home and they’re traveling home and they just walk through airport or train station, whatever, and people turn their heads. They haven’t communicated otherwise. They haven’t spoken to anyone. But it’s who they are because they’re owning who they are, and they are so open. And that’s what everybody wants. We waste so much energy trying to be somebody that we’re not when we just need to show up as who we are and be okay with that.

Doug Holt  19:24

Yeah, well, that’s one of the biggest things people say about the program that we have. It’s authentic. We’re authentic. What you see is what you get. Like, if you meet Arthur on the street, you meet him anywhere else. He’s the exact same Arthur as he is here. Coming in through. And myself, Tim, speak for any of the other coaches or any of the people involved in the mission that we’re on coming through. But what I want to do is give the guys some practical steps. I know. The ironic thing is the guys that need to hear this the most have turned off…

Arthur Magoulianiti  19:54

Or they’re holding on. How do I do know?

Doug Holt  19:57

Because they don’t want to identify it as, you know. Look, guys, as I said, I don’t know about you, Arthur, or I do, but I was in this boat where receiving was really difficult for me. The compliments, and I’d brush them off. And what it was for me is I was embarrassed that I was making other people feel bad about themselves. Right?

I was able to accomplish a lot in a very short period of time. Young in my life and onward, whether it be sports, business, or what have you, is I would dim the light because I didn’t want other people around to feel bad that they weren’t doing the things I was doing. They weren’t going on the adventures I was doing. They weren’t talking to the people I was talking to. So I dimmed my light so that they would seem brighter.

Arthur Magoulianiti  20:41

Yeah, I get that. And I’ve done it a couple of times, and especially when we’re away, we’re having such a great time. And then you foe back home and said, it’s okay, good work, but it’s not having such a good time. But yeah, it happens across the board. And I think one of the things that the guys can start doing, just going back to your earlier question, is when someone gives you a compliment, just take a deep breath. Don’t respond. Don’t laugh it off. Just take a deep breath and just let it land. And then 1, 2 seconds, and you come back and just say, thank you. That’s it.

That’s the beginning of this practice. It is a practice because then you can start building on that and then just keeping in mind that other people want to help you out, other people want to usually compliment you and you don’t want to rob this from them.

Doug Holt  21:38

Yeah. And that’s exactly what you took. Exactly what I was going to say. It’s as simple as saying thank you. That’s the beginning. That was the beginning of my practice, is just saying thank you. And I love that you added, and take the deep breath because let it land. When you let it land, that allows for connection. That allows for. And, guys, it’s going to feel awkward as heck. Right? I wanted to use a different word than heck, but it’s going to feel really awkward because now you’re looking at this person in the eyes, you’re connecting, and it’s about a compliment that you feel awkward about. Right?

And you’re being seen. And that’s what the scary part is, I think, for a lot of guys is, whoa, they’re seeing me. Are they going to like what they see when they see the real me? Because we put our mask or our representative out in the world so often and we do that because it’s safe. Well, if they don’t like the representative, who cares? It’s not me anyway. Right? But now you’re being seen for who you really are. That becomes dangerous, right?

Arthur Magoulianiti  22:36

Yeah. Or potentially dangerous. That’s the false belief, isn’t it?

Doug Holt  22:41

Well, exactly it.

Arthur Magoulianiti  22:43

Yeah. Now they can see me, and if they don’t like me, then what? But if we show up authentically, more people are going to love us than not.

Doug Holt  22:51

Yeah. And I can tell you what, guys. So for the guys that we talk with, guys, when I’m speaking to you and I give you a compliment, I also know that you’re screwed up. I also know there’s a lot of areas with you that aren’t perfect. And I don’t care. I like you for who you are, and what I’m complimenting you on is what I’m complimenting you on. And that other stuff, the stuff that you don’t think I see or the coaches don’t see or other people. They don’t care. They just don’t care.

And I was thinking about one particular individual we were talking about. Amazing man was with us in Jasper, and I think one of the problems he has with receiving is he’s worried about other aspects of his life that may not be as shiny or as perfect and that if we only knew that part we wouldn’t be complimenting him over.

Yeah, that’s what I’m picking. The energy I pick up. And here’s what he needs to know. I probably do know about this part. I just don’t care. Right? I’m just talking about this over. Like, I don’t know about you, Arthur, but this is going to probably shock you. But I’m not perfect.

Arthur Magoulianiti  23:57

That’s exactly what the point here is. It’s about perfection isn’t, you know, people think I’ve got to be perfect in order to get the tech. And if you waiting to be perfect, which you’ll never be, you’re never going to get that tech. And this character, this brother, is exactly that. It’s like, no, I can’t be good if I’m bad. But yes, you can. And we’re all in a journey, and there’s no such thing as perfection. We know, and that’s why even us, we’ve done so much work, and we still got so much work to do. Because we’re not perfect. And no one’s ever going to get perfect. Speak for yourself.

Doug Holt  24:36

No, but it’s about being perfectly imperfect, taking imperfect action. All these things we’ve heard, but you’re perfectly imperfect. And it’s your scars, your bumps, your bruises, the things about yourself that you’re working on that aren’t all great, that make you who you are. They make the colors of you. And it’s also, I think it’s one thing to have your issues and bury them versus having your issues and working through them.

Arthur Magoulianiti  25:07

And sharing them.

Doug Holt  25:08

And sharing them.

Arthur Magoulianiti  25:09

That’s a great way to connect. It’s a great way to say to other people, I’m human. And when people say, see you being vulnerable, it allows them to do the same. And so your story and whatever you’ve been through is your way to connect to other people. If you allow yourself to, if you allow yourself to open up and do that, and that’s how you will connect with even more people than you holding that back and hiding it.

Doug Holt  25:31

Yeah, well, we all have. This ties into it a little bit. What creates some of this imperfection, and we’re going to get off on a tangent here, is I have a version of who I think Doug should be, and that version’s up here. Right? Even when I hit this version, I have a new version of who Doug should be. That creates a gap. Here’s where I am, and here’s how I should be. I should have a six pack. I should be tan. I’ve never been tan my entire life. It’s just never going to happen. I should be tan.

This is literally the story in my head. I should have a six pack. I should run a sub six minute mile. I should be every kid event. I should pick my kids from school, take them to work. I should be making $100 million a year. My wife should be having seven orgasms a night. You go through these things, creates this unachievable thing which creates a gap which then makes it hard for us to receive. Because in my mind, you know, no, no. You’re complimenting Doug, but I haven’t done all these things, right?

And therefore, it seems inauthentic when we do that. But when we realize that we’re perfectly imperfect and from this space of where I’m operating from, when you compliment me or Colton, who’s behind the camera, compliments me, I get to realize that that’s the version they’re seeing now and they’re just seeing something. And I get to accept that and also realize that this gap that’s been created is just a story. And then you can bring it back down and say, yeah, do I want to get a little tanner? Well, it’s never going to happen. Okay.

Do I want to be in a better shape? Sure. But last night we had a couple of adult beverages. We were eating some snacks and I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything. Right? It’s just not worth it.

Arthur Magoulianiti  27:07

Yeah. And that was a good point I wanted to make now. And I think it’s gone, but it’ll come back to me. It’s a whole thing about perfection. We’re never going to hit that, obviously. We know that. And it’s never a case of I need to do more in order to connect more. It really comes back to what we say constantly. It’s about being. If I’m being authentic, if I’m being open, if I’m being courageous, it doesn’t matter about doing anything else. You are in connection mode. And you can connect with anyone, pretty much whether they are a barrister in Starbucks or a CEO. You’ll be able to connect with them because you’re coming in at that heart level. It’s not about how much you’ve done already or how much you get to do. It’s who are you being in that moment. And that just squashes everything else.

Doug Holt  28:02

Yes. So let’s talk about a couple of practical take homes for these guys. Some things they could do today. Coming in one, you and I both said. You said it first is take a deep breath when you get a compliment and just say thank you. Connect and just say thank you. Whether you believe it or not, whether it’s true or not, this person is seeing something within you that is genuine to that person, and they’re going out of the way to be polite. Right? If someone passes you bread, whether you want the bread or not at the table, you should say, thank you for passing the bread and just pass it on. You don’t have to take it on. You just thank you for the gift.

Arthur Magoulianiti  28:38

That’s a great one. Another one, and one that I use myself is I have a reminder on my phone that comes up and says, like, how can you receive even more in this moment? How can I receive even more in this moment? And two things happen. One is putting you in that receptive mode. Right? Like, just, yeah, I get to receive. I get to receive and be open to receiving. Okay. But even in that moment, what it’s also done for me is, like, how can I amp up this moment? So I might be, like, sitting outside. Well, how can I receive even more? Well, maybe I’ll make myself a cup of tea and enjoy the view. Instead of just enjoying the view, you get to upscale that moment. And so that’s another great thing that works well for me.

Doug Holt  29:18

Yeah. A third one, which is obvious but maybe not, is give more compliments, right? Seek to give more compliments in the moment you can. And this is something a business mentor of mine in my early 20s taught me, is catch people in the act of doing something right. So seek out to find people doing something right and give compliments. And when you give compliments, you’ll be more open to the potentiality of receiving compliments, because you’re now in this act of thinking about. It’s in your consciousness.

So that’s another thing guys can do, especially with their wives and their children employees, which a lot of men, when you do the rocking chair test, which is an example for those that don’t know, you and I are sitting on the porch in our 80s, sipping some tea. We look back on life. What are we going to want to be our highlights? What are we going to remember the most? Our adventures, our trips, our relationships. And so look at those things and start giving compliments as well.

Arthur Magoulianiti  30:18

I love that. Yeah. I think an additional thing is to get used to looking at what you’re good at. One of the best sentence completion exercises I love is just writing down I am. And you don’t put anything negative on that sheet because I think we can easily pull that up. But you get used to owning what you’re good at, your talents, your skills, what you stand for, and doing that sentence I am. And then just complete and keep doing it, you’re going to become more familiar with it, and you get to read over that. And wherever it feels not so cool, you get to work on that, right? Because it’s probably true. You just haven’t got used to believing that for you. And so you just need to practice that and go over that again and again until you just breathe it in and say, yeah, actually, that’s me.

Doug Holt  31:06

I love it. I love it. So finish this. I am a powerful man. We’ll end on that note, gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. We just gave you four ways that you can take action today. So the key is taking action, not what I call educational masturbation, where you go from one show to another show to another show. We’re amazing at doing, right? We’re amazing at. This time, I am asking you to do, but also to be take some action right, right away. Take one of those four things, or all four things and do it. And like my man here, Arthur, be a powerful man. We’ll see you next time on the powerful man show.

All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.

You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.

Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!