Profits and Passion: Boosting Both Your Bottom Line and Bedroom Life

Episode #744

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Doug Holt  00:00

Hey, guys! Welcome back to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. And if you are watching this on YouTube, you’re in for a treat, because not only do I have my co-host, Tim Matthews, but I also have my other co-host, Arthur Magoulianiti, coming in here today. So today, guys, I want to talk about profits and passion. The correlation from the boardroom to the bedroom. Does that sound good?

Arthur Magoulianiti  00:47

That’s awesome.

Tim Matthews  00:48

Yes. Let’s do it.

Doug Holt  00:50

Awesome. So, oftentimes, guys, when we’re talking to the men that we work with, we talk about the idea where these guys seem stuck in their business, right? We only work with businessmen, so when they come in, that’s not the primary problem they’re looking to fix. It just happens to be this corollary thing, right? Things at home aren’t going so well, and they want to work on their marriage. It’s turned passionless. Either the wife’s dropped hints, maybe even dropped divorce papers on them. And they also have this other thing over here, which is their business, which also has been successful, but it’s a little stuck or stagnant. So let’s talk about reasons why this might be happening.

Tim Matthews  01:28

McGill.

Arthur Magoulianiti  01:29

Yeah. All right. Thank you. I like to think about it from, like, a creativity and expression perspective, right? If the energy is flowing throughout your life, then you got the creativity going. But if any area of your life gets stagnant or doesn’t go as well, then that affects all the other areas. And especially sexual expression, for me, is all about just liberating your creative energy, your creative expression. And so once that gets bottled up, that’s going to start affecting other areas of your life. And so I see it as a direct link. There’s certain things you can do in business to move it forward without that creativity expression, but you’re never fully into it. Those valves are not completely open, those dials, whatever you want to call them, to let that energy flow if things are stuck in the bedroom.

Doug Holt  02:19

Yeah. So, to follow up on that, I think of that like a hose, right? So if you’re out watering your garden and there’s a kink in the hose and the pressure isn’t fully expressed. You got to go figure out a way to unkink that hose coming through. But most people don’t take the time to unkink the hose, especially when it comes to the area of their relationship.

Tim Matthews  02:39

Yeah. The thing that came to mind for me is the idea of these guys being just fully unleashed in the bedroom. Just been — just asking for what they want, taking what they want in a very ethical way as well. But the level of confidence and certainty that you then feel when you walk into the office the next day, the idea of having a tough conversation with somebody. Exactly. It just becomes like you just take immediate, decisive action on things because it’s a reflection of how you’re also showing up in the bedroom.

And these two go hand in hand as well, because sometimes a lot of the guys that come to us, as you guys know, they’ve lost touch with that side of themselves, have moved from being certain to being quite uncertain. They’ve moved from being very clear to lacking clarity. And it shows up in a lot of the ways in which they show up, whether they’ve stopped working out, they’ve stopped doing things for themselves, they’ve stopped asking for what they want. They’ve become a people pleaser. They say yes to things that are really a no, no to things that are a yes. It all just becomes. Life just becomes very vanilla, if you will.

And the flip side is also true when there’s passion in the bedroom. And like I said, these guys are asking for what they want, taking what they want, enjoying it. Everything else in business, be it decisiveness on projects, even bidding for a project that is way above anything they’ve ever had before, the level of worthiness and deservedness they feel just goes up. And it’s great to see.

Doug Holt  04:09

No, it’s spot on. I’m going to take it back a notch for a second, if I can. And the thing that I found, well, I found this in my marriage, right? And I think a lot of men find this in theirs, is as a business owner, when things aren’t going right at home, it consumes you, right? Consumes your mental faculties. You’re thinking about it all the time, and you can get away with not thinking about it. And the guys that we work with are smart enough and talented enough and also hard workers that despite them being cloudy, they can push as soon, as soon as things start to get better at home, guys talk about this all the time. I’m working half as much as I used to and making twice as much money. Right?

We had guys talking about this at the last event. A number of guys came up to me and we’re talking about this in Banff when I was like, well, so how is The Brotherhood working for you? They’re like, well, I’m working half as much and getting twice the profits. And the reason that happens often in your point, it’s the bedroom too, but it’s also this nebulous home base isn’t taken care of. Right? And when home base isn’t safe, it’s always on your mind. It’s always a slippery slope. You’re less likely to take risks. Your mind’s clouded, so it’s harder to make good decisions. All these things come down to the boardroom versus the bedroom, right? And the bedroom in this case, and this analogy is just your house.

Tim Matthews  05:30

Reminded me of something when you said that this idea that typically the guys begin to care less when there’s more passion, typically that also goes hand in hand with them being less attached for the need for passion, either because they are taking responsibility for their own needs outside of the bedrooms. They’re just feeling so good, filling their cup, doing the things they love to do. But then also when it comes to initiating with their wife and experiencing passion, they do tend to care less what others think. They’ve just reached that point where they’ve stopped caring in a very ethical way as well. But translate that over to business again, they’re going to speak the mind more.

Well, they do speak their mind more. Like I said, I think the going for the bigger projects is one I’ve seen time and time again. Projects that the guys usually wouldn’t tender for, for whatever excuse or reason they make, they then give themselves permission to go out there and play big and really play to win. And when they do that and they just take that energy of passion, the creativity, and they channel it into the business as well, it all just rises together.

Arthur Magoulianiti  06:44

Yeah. Reminds me of the whole thing about you being a king, right? And you’ve got all your kingdom in step, right under control. You’ve got this creative expression, energy going everywhere. You own it. You’ve got that confidence from knowing that that’s sorted. That is sorted. That’s sorted. And gives you that platform just to go boom, what’s next?

Tim Matthews  07:05

And even if it isn’t sorted, you know that you’re going to take decisive action to face it head on very quickly. Because that’s what these guys, once they reach this point, that’s what they do, right? Rather than letting things linger and having conversations in their head and procrastinating and holding back. They don’t do that anymore. So even the things that come up, they just address them.

Arthur Magoulianiti  07:25

They’re being proactive about everything. Not that anything’s perfect, but they’re confident that they can deal with whatever comes up.

Doug Holt  07:31

Yeah, going back to being proactive. When you think about the bedroom or intimacy in general. Right? We just had an event where all three of us presented in front of 35 men, business leaders. Did you prep for that event the morning of? Was that the first time you thought about or really work towards that? No, that’s the same thing with intimacy. Right?

Guys will prep for the boardroom, but not prep for the bedroom. In other words, we talk about men being like microwaves, women being like a slow boil. Intimacy starts long before. Yet for some reason, we expect in business, we have to show up. We have to show up as a leader. We have to show up as the man. We have to show up as our talents and our skills. And in home, we expect things just to happen. We expected them just to fall in place. And it should be easy. But somehow, business, we correlate and understand that work is involved, prep is involved to be our best selves, we get to rise to the occasion.

And so men will read business books, they’ll read business magazines, they’ll watch business shows, because they know they’d need to get better at business, right, to be with the competition. But when it comes to home, when it comes to the relationship, especially one with their partner, they expect it’s just going to be easy. They don’t want to put the work in or take a course.

So oftentimes, if we were all at a party and there were 30 other businessmen here, let’s say the powerful man didn’t exist as an example, and not talking about relationships, if I would go to any of those guys and said, yeah, I’m going to this business course, men will look at you with esteem, right? They look at you like, wow, this guy’s bettering himself. His stock is rising because he’s getting better. And they would think of it that way.

Now, if it’s the same thing, if you went and said, hey, I’m going to take a course on how to better my marriage, people are like, whoa, what’s going on? Things must not be going well, and it’s that paradigm shift. So the men that we work with that come in there and work on their marriage, they’d naturally see the business elevate because their skill sets are getting better.

Arthur Magoulianiti  09:32

Actually reminds me of, I often talk to the guys about how good are you actually in bed? Yeah. As guys who come in with the ego, like, yeah, I’m good, I’m good. But to your point, how many guys actually are good? Right? Because if it’s three minutes and you’re done, then I’m going to say you’re not particularly good and she’s not going to be satisfied.

Doug Holt  09:54

Correct.

Arthur Magoulianiti  09:55

And so you get to do a lot of work to get yourself into being a great lover, to get that area of your life to be more than better than average, because it’s got to be better than average if you want that to lead into every other area of your life.

Doug Holt  10:09

Yeah. So as we come through this, the question, I don’t ask that question because of the ego, but ask a similar one, hey, if I were to have coffee with your wife, and we’re just best friends, and I ask her on a scale of one to ten, how satisfied she is in the bedroom, what’s she going to tell me? And all the guys are like, s***, first of all, don’t have coffee with my wife. About that. Don’t ask coffee, period. [Crosstalk]. But that’s why we have, for the guys that are in our mastermind groups, the one year mastermind group, the brotherhood, we have master classes. We give them on sexual mastery, connection, other things they can do so they can do this, the things that for some reason, when you come out of the womb or something, you become a teenager. I don’t expect you to know Japanese. I don’t expect you to know Spanish, right?

But you expect someone to know how to have sex and satisfy a woman. You expect someone to know how to do relationships, right? You wouldn’t expect if you came up to me and said, you know what, I just really can’t figure out the best way to diversify my financial portfolio. So I’m going to take a class on that. Everybody would be like, you’re a smart guy, you’re being proactive on it. But if you talked about, hey, I want to learn how to satisfy my lover, my wife, I want to learn how to communicate better with my wife so she feels seen, heard, desired. That’s a different thing.

People just don’t think about that in society. Hence the divorce rate being 50%, right? Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Those are crazy odds, crazy statistics. So why not be proactive? Why not take the course, whether it be The Activation Method or be something else? It’s so much different when you think of the boardroom versus the bedroom, because the boardroom. Right? The boardroom. You want your staff and your employees and everybody that works for you to be bettering themselves and to be educating themselves. The bedroom is the same thing.

Arthur Magoulianiti  11:58

Exactly.

Tim Matthews  11:59

I’m sat here just reflecting on the conversation. I’m thinking about it from the perspective of somebody listening, and I’m wondering whether we’ve done a good job in linking the boardroom and the bedroom. Like how a guy, a listener, is right now showing up in the boardroom and the areas in which he may not be showing up in the boardroom and how that is also reflected in the bedroom. I really love the guys listening to really see that link and also the converse link, right? That when it goes up in the bedroom, there’s ways over here it can go up in the boardroom as well.

Doug Holt  12:32

So that’s a great point. So I’ll just touch. Let’s go bounce back and forth and we can step on each other and all that good stuff. The one thing right away comes confidence. Right? When you want to be a leader, you have to be confident. Otherwise people aren’t going to follow you. Why would you follow someone who’s like, hey, I think for Q4, maybe it’d be good for us to do that. Ain’t going to work, right? You have to be confident. Now, you can be too confident in business and that could fail, but oftentimes that’s what works for you.

The bedroom is the same thing. If you’re fumbling with your wife in the bedroom, that’s a problem. Now, you can ask, hey, you can ask for feedback and things, but if you confidently ask for feedback, but if you’re really fumbling and nervous, one, it’s going to either cause premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. She’s going to feel it. She’s going to feel you’re scared to take her to be with her, right? And she’s also going to feel that needy energy. That’s the same energy that goes within the boardroom.

I was talking to a guy. We were talking about personas and people that in business or when you’re in a business situation, who you want to take? There’s a guy from a show called suits. I don’t know if you guys have seen suits at all. Okay. Definitely should check it out. Arthur, there’s a guy named Harvey. You know what I’m talking about? He’s the head guy, the lawyer. Harvey is like headstrong, cocky, takes no s*** from nobody. Nobody messes with him or his people. But that kind of confidence and attitude coming into the bedroom gives, quote, Harvey or a man the ability for the woman to surrender into him.

Tim Matthews  14:02

Yeah. The one that just came up for me. If in the boardroom, you are avoiding embracing in debate or avoiding sitting in discomfort, then in the bedroom you’re definitely not going to be, definitely going to struggle to be able to sit in the discomfort or the agitation of holding that feminine energy. Right? As a result, you’re going to want to be able to just get it over very quickly rather than hold the container for that wildness, to really be able to come out and surrender.

Arthur Magoulianiti  14:33

Yeah. And I like this comparison because one of the strategies you can do is make a list of what makes me a good business leader. Yeah, you’ve mentioned confident. What else, what else, what else, what else? And then say, okay, how do I get to that position in business? What makes me confident in businesses, what makes me persuasive, what makes me whatever, and then move that over into your relationship and say, okay, how can I replicate that over here? Because that gives you something to work with. Right? If I’m not confident, how do I get comfortable and then go back to, I need to do some work.

Tim Matthews  15:08

It’s a great point. Influence and persuasion. The more you choose to influence and persuade in the boardroom, that easily translates over into seduction, even outside the bedroom with your wife being flirtatious, playful, cocky, which obviously feeds the bedroom.

Doug Holt  15:25

Yeah. And where does that come from? Right, persuasion. Persuasion comes from somebody believing that you’re being vulnerable and acting in their best interest. So in the boardroom, one of the things, in fact, it’s one of TPM’s core values, is calling it out. Right? And so that could be, hey, look, I’m going to share at our level ten meeting, because we do EOs, I’m going to share what I want, but equally so I need to listen to the people around me and what they want and what they see is the best need for the company. So let’s translate that to the bedroom.

So we talked about the boardroom. I get to say what I want and be clear to communicate it. At the same time, I need to listen to everybody else’s needs, what they see for the company. In the bedroom, I get to communicate my desires, sexually or otherwise. But I also get to listen to my partner’s desires, sexually or otherwise. It’s not just the words they say. We talked about this before, but verbal communication is about 6% of communication. That’s 94% of the rest of the communication is nonverbal.

So what are the thoughts behind the words they’re saying, their body language, the way it feels.  All of these things need to be taken into consideration for the guys that are best in the boardroom. They’re reading the room, they’re setting the paradigm, they’re setting the frame. You get to do the same thing in the bedroom as well. So it’s also, we talked about Arthur in a previous podcast.

First, seek to understand, then be understood. Right? And you can almost skip the second part a lot of times, I think. But in this thing, in the relationship, you want to be understood. Sometimes you can just act out what you want and people will pick up on it. But in this case, first understand what are her desires? What are her fantasies? We often talk about, hear from men that their wife’s dead in the bedroom and come to find out when they show up as a powerful man, she’s got some freaky, kinky fantasies that regardless of what her religious beliefs are or whatever that she wants to explore, she just doesn’t feel comfortable exploring them with him at that moment.

Tim Matthews  17:29

There’s another one that I think comes up for the guys. They’ve got a certain level of detachment in the boardroom, right? They’re in there, they’re calling the shots. They’re confident, and they just have so much trust and faith in themselves and the decisions that it gives a sense of detachment. They’re not needy. There’s not a level of desperation there for the guys that we work with. If they then choose to have that translate to the relationship, that’s a very attractive quality. Very.

Arthur Magoulianiti  18:00

Yeah. I think the difference with the business is as business owners that can push back on people’s comments and all that and doesn’t really hurt them or affect them. But I think when you’re in the bedroom, when their partners push back, a lot of guys feel so rejected that.

Tim Matthews  18:17

They shut down, say, a minute ago, if there’s someone listening to this, let’s say we making these links now and someone’s kind of seeing it, I’m sure they’re probably thinking, well, why is that? Why is it I can be that way in the boardroom, but in the bedroom I’m not?

Doug Holt  18:34

Because you care. Because you care. And you’re seeking external validation from the person. It’s mirroring, right? So you’re seeking it from your wife. When your wife says something good about you, you’re a good man, which isn’t bad about you, you’re a bad man. And rather than in the boardroom, you might already have an internal knowing of how good you are at business, and therefore you don’t give a s*** what other people think.

Now, here’s another one that I have written down here that I think is kind of interesting. I’d love to get your guys’ inputs on this. So you do a monthly or quarterly review of your business, right? You come in, you look at the stats. Wins lessons, right? Not failures, but lessons and improvements that we go through. How many of us do that in the bedroom or in the relationship alone?

We could take it broad the relationship. But if you really want to get to the nitty gritty for this conversation, how many times you sit down with your partner and I’ve done this, and it’s not always what I want to hear, right, but it ends up being what I need to hear and finding out, hey, what are wins lessons and improvements in the bedroom?

And if you’re open to getting a real answer and your wife is safe enough, she feels safe, that she can say whatever’s on her mind. She’ll tell you exactly what she wants, how she wants it, and where, if anywhere. You’re falling short. No pun intended. So what exactly are we looking at here for this?

Tim Matthews  19:53

I love having those conversations with Amelia. Never easy, and they’re never enjoyable going into them, and I’m always like, but afterwards, it’s just, you learn some gold.

Doug Holt  20:03

She doesn’t tell you. Just knocking out of the park, ten out of ten every time.

Tim Matthews  20:07

No, I don’t think I’ve ever had that.

Doug Holt  20:14

Keep your socks on.

Arthur Magoulianiti  20:19

Yeah, but it comes down to what we measure. We can improve, right? And if there’s no measurement in any sense of measurement in the bedroom, then how can we improve if we don’t ask for that feedback? We usually don’t get that feedback. We carry on as if, like, oh, we just master lovers. And that’s hardly ever the case.

Doug Holt  20:36

Yeah. And there’s always room for improvement, right? As the three of us have opened, we share openly with each other things we’re learning things we’re improving upon, courses we’re taking, people that we learn from. And then typically what we do is we culminate the information. We go try it. Does this work? Teach it to a few guys, see if it works for them. And then we turn into a master class that all the men can grow from.

And look, all of a sudden we start finding out, wait a minute, there’s multiple types of orgasms women can have. There’s different levels. You can actually release deep emotions within a woman. Traumas you can release through orgasms. You can have orgasms without penetration. There’s all kinds of things as men that most of us didn’t learn, that we get to learn and get to focus on as we go through, which.

Tim Matthews  21:26

Is going back to the original topic and creation, energy and feelings of confidence. When you start to open up, these things just opens up another world. And you take that level of effortlessness and release into business again. And it just becomes this game of just surrender, surrender, surrender. Not to the point of it sounding fluffy way, don’t do anything. But it’s more surrendering more and more into trust in yourself and being more decisive and being more confident and caring less. Just this virtuous cycle that just continues to give an increasing ROI.

Doug Holt  22:04

Well, it goes into, when you think about this, the business in the boardroom, because we work with businessmen, we talk about their businesses a lot. And so my thing is marketing and business development. When I’m talking to a guy about, wait a minute, what’s your marketing? Where is that going? Hey, have you ever thought about this? What’s your lifetime value? And we start talking about things at a great depth that they don’t have experience in.

All of a sudden, the world opens up to them of what’s possible. Or if they’re having a conversation with somebody like, oh, my business partner would never go this direction. We make them make the call and then all of a sudden it opens it up. Reminds me, and this is going to be an extreme case, guys, so this very rarely happens, but it’s an extreme case. We had a guy who is with a partner, and his thing was basically, I want to be with other women, right? So I have to end this relationship so I can be sexually with other women. And we said, well, have you talked to your partner about that? Just talk to her about it. And they had an honest conversation. What came out of that conversation is she was open to him being with other women, with her. Right?

Again, extreme. However, take the principle of having difficult conversations within business, which we’re willing to do and we all know we need to do, why not have that same quote, difficult conversation with your wife or your partner and seeing where that leads? It may open up things that you didn’t know were possible because of stories that you created.

Tim Matthews  23:26

Beautiful. So what’s three action steps one of the listeners can take who are resonating with this?

Arthur Magoulianiti  23:34

Well, one is have a conversation. Yeah, have a conversation. And we have various tools within The Brotherhood and master classes on how to do that in a way that both can win and improve. So have those difficult conversations is definitely number one.

Doug Holt  23:52

Go ahead.

Tim Matthews  23:53

Yeah, for me, I’m going to say make a list. I love lists. And starting with where you’re at. So look at all the spreadsheet. Be better. Mark Ainsworth can make a graph. Look at all the ways in which you are lacking in the boardroom. Make a list of it. Whether it’s you’re not speaking up, you pleasing people, you are avoiding, honest, whatever it may be, make a list.

I want you to look and see how that translates to the bedroom. Are you doing those things? What things are you doing specifically? And just see if there’s a link there for you. I’m pretty confident you’re going to realize there is, but just get clear on where you are today so you can then begin to make some changes and you can choose which ones to change. I think you made a great point earlier of look at how you were confident in the boardroom. How did you get there? Or think of a time when you did used to embrace difficult conversations. Just break it down.

Look at where you are, then begin to break down what you used to do when you used to have those things. If you did, if you’ve never had those things, then speak to one of the advisors honestly and see how you can then start to link those things in the bedroom and bring those things back.

Doug Holt  25:04

I love them. So mine is by far one. And what I think obviously resonates with me. And I’m going to use an analogy because that’s what I like to do. If I came up to you, the listener, and I said, hey, look, you know what? We have a multinational company, and I’m just not sure what the best tax structure or legal structure for the business is. So I’m going to take a course on how to best implement that business. You would think, wow, that’s friggin smart. What about your marriage, right?

 If you don’t know the best way to rekindle intimacy so your wife feels seen, heard and desired to the highest level, take a course, do something, hire an expert, take action, because that’s where you’re going to get the energy and there’s no shame in it. There’s no shame in it. There’s just the stigma, right? And the stigma of people doing it. So take your same energy that you would attack business with and attack your relationship.

Arthur Magoulianiti  26:01

Beautiful.

Tim Matthews  26:02

Love that.