Where Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Episode #62

By leveling up in your life, you are exposing yourself to more possibilities that require you to face your fears, step in, and see what life has in store for you. Who you believe yourself to be and what kind of standard you have dictates how you will perform and how you level up your performance.

When you uplevel, you will feel that some things you are currently doing are not aligned anymore with your new level, making it important to realign things. This type of mindset will guide you to where you are going and will help align you with your vision.

One of the ways to uplevel and re-align with your new standards is to identify or uncover your unconscious commitments.

Examine yourself why you are in the situations you are in, what direction you really want to go in and what things need to be realigned based on your standard.

After identifying these unconscious commitments, turn them into conscious commitments to break the pattern. Align yourself every day through meditation. Know your identity and align it to your standards.

In this episode, you will learn:

  1. How to unconscious commitments into conscious commitments
  2. The importance of knowing your identity and align it to your standards
  3. How to bridge the gap that was created during the upleveling


Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.

Also listen on:



Episode Transcript

Tim Matthews 0:00   

As we continue, up level is often the same original wound, our limiting belief that comes up for you just in a different way, usually, and a lot of the guys were saying, I thought I overcame this, and they had done the work on it. And then, before long, that achieved all that could at that level, and it was time to go again. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion. Just take another layer off, and there’s a layer off. So if you judge yourself, then obviously, you’re going to keep yourself trapped.

Doug Holt 0:32  

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, what’s happening, brother?

Tim Matthews 0:45

Hey, I’m very well, how are you?

Doug Holt 0:47   

I’m doing great, man.

Tim Matthews 0:49 

Good. Quite honestly, I’m a bit pissed off, just in the middle of recording a podcast episode. And you know what, we’re going to change the name of this episode Doug. And so the reason why I am pissed off right now is that my internet has been playing out ever since you’ve known me.

Doug Holt 1:44


Tim Matthews 1:45

 And I keep telling myself that I’m too busy. Or there are more important things for me to do, other than getting it fixed. And a couple of things come up for me. And that one is that I’ve been telling myself that good is good enough. And that makes me think, Okay, what else is my life? And also, I’ve then been, was that?

Doug Holt 1:35

 And what’s your answer?

Tim Matthews 1:38

Where else is good, is good enough, been showing up in my life. Sure, I think for a while within The Powerful Man actually within a bit because we’d reached a certain point. And it was a big, a big surge of momentum to get us there. I think I was then kind of settling on the laurels, if you will, to some degree. Whereas it’s clear to me right now more than ever, that obviously, it’s time for the next push, it’s just cycles of growth, phases of growth. And with this, with this phase of growth, I covered this in previous episodes, growths, that’s a care of me right now in our relationship, and all other areas of my life, because I don’t know about you, Doug. I’d love to know, typically, when I am going through periods of growth in my life, I then start to, it’s almost like a caterpillar shedding its skin now goes into the cocoon and shed its skin and comes out as a butterfly. And when going through these phases of growth, it’s almost like a lot of things in my environment and ways of operating show up that are no longer in alignment with the new level that I’m committed to, so I find all these ways in which are misaligned. And then there’s a process that I’ll go through to realign myself to that new level. And then effectively, it’s just a matter of time before then, the physical manifestation, if you will, whether it’s the money or the percentage of body fat, or whatever it is, then shows up, it’s just about being consistent in that place.

Doug Holt 3:24   

Got it; yeah, well, this happened a lot. So we just got back from Morocco, which would be the original topic that we changed to another topic. And now you changed it with it, which is funny in itself. But in Morocco, we talked about money mindset, right. And a lot of people think they have a great money mindset. And what comes up for most people is as we peel back these layers, and you dig into yourself, whether it be business, relationships, wealth, or money, is, you peel back, and you realize there’s a lot more there. And as you expose the layers, you get a little bit rawer, and it’s like scratching an itch. It feels good at first, but it can get a little bit rawer and a little more tender as you peel them back. And when you peel those things back, it exposes you to a lot of other opportunities. And if you’re willing to step into those possibilities and look and see what’s there for you. I think that’s Tim where the gold is

Tim Matthews 4:19 

Completely because identity is the strongest force in our personality, you spoke about that a lot. On day one, money mindset, it was an all-around mindset, which was day one rather than the tactics. You said something brilliant: nobody can ever take the mindset away from you, the tools and the tactics and the strategies. They may change over time, but nobody can take that away from you, a mindset of who you think you are. And a different season in your life, different periods or levels of growth in your life, who you believe yourself to be is going to dictate what level you then show upon the performer, And for me right now, as we are going to the next level, my internet is the way he is. And to put it into context, now we pay for the best, the top level of the internet in my area. Yeah, it’s; it can be pretty spotty. And I’ve just not prioritized. Okay, get it sorted. However, it’s deeper than that, isn’t it? And as we move to the next level, that’s just wanted. It may seem like a tiny detail. But if that’s something I am willing to tolerate, that’s also something that links me back to an old identity, if you will, that doesn’t serve me or isn’t aligned with the identity of who I am or who I get to be at the next level. So you see, it’s like a tug of war, isn’t it? 

Doug Holt 5:52  

Oh, absolutely. And it also creates a gap, a gap between where you see yourself and where you are.

Tim Matthews 6:01  

Exactly. So one of the things that I did, I did it in sensory mode because you and I were going back and forth quite a bit. Because for me, me personally, and for The Powerful Man to know, this next level involves another level of being seen and a level another level of vulnerability, really getting our message out there in a bigger way, in a more consistent way. So it can help more men. And with that, that means me operating in a way that I haven’t operated on before, which is fine. Which then means I get to be someone that I haven’t yet been before. So what I like to do in situations like this, he can apply this to any area of your life. Whether It’s Your relationship or your health, or we’re in whatever direction it is that you are growing in. Well, I like to do, is, and look at all the actions and beliefs too. But mainly actions that I take currently that are out of alignment with where I’m going, and obviously, cut them off, change them. 

Doug Holt 7:11


Tim Matthews 7:12

So for you, I’m curious, Doug, for you, when you notice these things about yourself when you’re going through these phases of growth, as you do very often, how do you then navigate so you can bridge that gap quicker?

Doug Holt 7:27  

What I do is try to uncover my unconscious commitments. So this is an exercise that we took the men through on the final day, essentially, in Marrakesh. And what I tried to figure out is, well, first of all, Tim, I take radical responsibility for a map. I believe that where I am today is a combination of the decisions that I’ve made in the past. So Said another way, I think that the situation that I’m in, or the gap that’s been created, is a direct result of the decisions I’ve made previously and the actions I’ve either taken or have neglected to take. So in your case not getting my internet fixed, or whatever it may be. So once I’ve taken radical responsibility, I go, Okay, so what am I committed about? 

What it is that I’ve been committed to that has allowed me to either again make certain choices or decisions or put them off, and uncovering those unconscious commitments, is really eye-opening for me. And oftentimes, it’s the same stuff that comes up over and over again. It’s just a different angle. You’re learning the same lesson again, and again, again, just in a different way. And obviously, hopefully, we keep evolving and getting better and stronger as men. But at the same time, these unconscious commitments can really rule our lives. And once I’ve identified those unconscious commitments, then I go through a process to exchange them out, voluntarily to conscious commitments. So instead of wondering, so to speak, through life with these unconscious patterns that keep coming up, I consciously rewrite the programming to allow me to get what I want. And it’s not always easy. You’re looking at some interesting patterns coming through here. And you really have to be clear with yourself and really raw with yourself in a loving way of what it is you’ve been doing. How have you really been behaving, not the image that you want to portray out there in the world and not the image that you want to portray to yourself but really what’s been going on to end up at this one space where you’re getting the results that you’re getting?

Tim Matthews 9:47  

Completely and a great way to look at this as well as it’s often those, those tiny things that you’re doing, that seem really inconsequential. They are always showing up in other areas of your life—for example, my internet. So, where else is showing up in my life? Where else am I doing just enough to get by this level? Or where else am I doing, telling myself that I am too busy to get things done or whatever story is because as I’m kind of leaning into this, as I think about this, and as you’ve said to me in the past, it said that, but as you said to me in the past Tim, we run a global online business? And you require the internet as a real basic, saw, your internet out. And I was like, Yeah, well he’s sorry because it works. Sometimes it always seemed to work, just for what I needed to do. 

But then, if we go to a podcast or training, it’s like it’s different. But it’s fascinating. I’ve got a whiteboard in front of me right now. And I’ve just been making some notes there. Another thing that came up for me in Morocco, actually Marakkesh were going through a money mindset, was the fact that in our home, we don’t have anyhow many pictures up. Now, when we talk about unconscious commitments and becoming aware of what you committed to unconsciously aligning to a new reality, for me did not have any pictures up the wall that will symbolize, it’s almost like an empty, bare house, there’s nothing there to reflect back towards the love that we have in our lives for one another. And also, the life that we live, or all the images are from The Brotherhood or things clients have sent me as a thank you or pictures of me speaking on stage, none of this is up. So as with a Mac, as we’re talking about going to another level, you see moments like that. For me, it is even more important to have even more things in your environment. They’re reflecting back to you, the level that you’re moving into. And some people use things like vision boards and things don’t in which now that I’ve had mixed experiences with. But yeah, I mean, I think that’s a huge one why when I came up in Morocco, I was like, holy shit, I know I don’t have any anything in the environment is reflecting back to me, the impact that we have in the world, or the life we live or the law, I’m surrounded by.

Doug Holt 12:35  

Guys, I’m interrupting this episode because I want to know, do you feel bored, burnout or broken? Discover the system that over 300 businessmen are using to let go of the grind, find inner peace, and unlock unlimited personal power. So they can have more time, more intimacy, and better sex while living a life they love without stressing about work or feeling like a fraud. Head over to  ThePowerfulMan.com/11 to see what this is all about. Al, let’s get back to the episode. Yeah, I mean, so it’s absolutely amazing. It might be interesting and fun to do, for the men listening to this, a whole episode on unconscious commitments and uncovering them. 

But for what we’re talking about here, I mean, we talked about a podcast earlier, Tim, we talked about cleaning your room, you remember that? Where we talked about just cleaning up around yourself? And we talked about a lot of things, how it relates to relationships. And does your woman find you sexy when she has to treat you like a boy and pick up after you, and what do you have? But it’s on the same lines. It’s a standard as you always say, you say to the man, you say it to me. In fact, I have alarms on my phone that talk about me checking in with myself on what my standards are at the moment. And it’s in raising those standards. Then as you do one thing, you do them all. That concept and raising those daily standards, everything matters. 

And if we believe that everything matters, then things such as your internet, such as the way that we speak and the language that we use, such as making your bed in the morning or choosing not to, that’s up to you, make a conscious decision, though. What does it mean? If everything matters, then how are we performing? And if it’s the internet out for you, or something else, even the money mindset teaching, it was Tim, things came up for me, and they are always going to come up for us guys. 

There always are going to be things as we peel back the layers that come up. And luckily, you and I have the tools and resources and the community to work through those and to keep benefiting over and over again. As we often say. You don’t go to the gym one-day workout, get in, get ripped, and then never have to work out or exercise or eat healthy again to stay lean. It’s a daily practice like brushing your teeth, and so is working on your mindset. And so with that being said, when we look at you and you being upset, being upset with yourself, because there’s a disconnection with your internet and where you think you should be done or reason you’re putting it off, what would be what’s the first step that you can take Tim, in this case, I’m using use this analogy. And thank you for being so amazing to do this for the other men. But what’s the first step you can take to rectify the situation?

Tim Matthews 15:35  

Apart from smashing something?

Doug Holt 15:39  

But not just making yourself feel better, which you saw me in Morocco? I get it all too well, but that’s something I would encourage all the men listening to this when they get in a situation where there is disconnection is what is that one thing, quick, small thing you can do immediately to allow yourself to take action and raise your standards right there in the moment of decision.

Tim Matthews 16:04  

Well, on this whiteboard, I’ve written a list of things. Some of them I started doing because this has been said. This lesson has been surfacing for me for a few weeks, and things have been getting done, which has been growing and progressing as well. As regards the internet, well I’m obviously going to ring the companies as soon as we’re done. I just hate staying on hold to them and a piece of stupid hold music and then, anyway, standards. So yes, I’m going to ring that company. And there are some other things on this board that I’ve written down, how to address, although I’ve taken that on board, and I’ve really up-leveled that. And again, it really rings true for me when I was complaining about the lack of intimacy that I experienced in the relationship. 

And someone said to me, while you’re giving that to yourself, I was like, well, holy shit, No, I’m not. One of the ways I like to give it to myself is how I look in our address, house smell, and working out. So there’s that putting pictures up, I’m definitely going to be doing that feeds into standards, we’re in some things back, I’d like us to get a cleaner, but spoken about this in the past, I’ve never really prioritized it. But as I realize that, my standards have now shifted. So things that used to be acceptable no longer, I’ve brought this up with Amelia a few times. 

And I think she kind of takes offense to it sometimes because obviously she doesn’t work, and one of her things is that she’ll keep the house tidy and stuff. So when it’s not tidy, I think I kind of blame her when I’m not. She has the stuff to do as well. But I’m not; it’s not acceptable for me when things are messy, and they will get messy from time to time. But again, standards in your, and my wife, she, I’m going to redo it. Something we give the man to do. They go through a guided meditation that really gets them clear on who they are, at the next level, their actions or beliefs, how they show up in the world. They write a description of that down with some key statements, and I’m going to create that for myself, I’m going to put some images around it as well, I’m going to align myself to that every day, through meditation and through some of the bits and pieces I’ll be able to do with that.

Doug Holt 18:23  

Excellent, and I would encourage the guys to listen. And Tim, you’re, you’ve got the above steps, but the guys listening to this, just pick something, one thing small that you can do right now. So if you’re at your office or, you know, walking around the house, pause this and write it down on your phone or wherever you’re listening to this. What is one small thing you can do right now to move forward? If you have a moment of clarity, just something small, as Tim you mentioned, I’m going to call the internet company as soon as I get off this. I think that’s great. And you can go through that. And of course, unconscious commitment exercises take a lot deeper, but just that one thing because momentum happens. 

It’s just like putting on a pair of running shoes and taking those first few steps when you don’t want to go for a run. And next thing you get, that runner’s high. For me, it’s usually about five minutes into a run, and I feel absolutely amazing. So that’s what we’re looking for. We’re looking for the first few steps that you can take to really do it. So as men, we can make things a little bit more complicated. Right then, they need to be and have 20 steps we want to do because we recognize there’s so much that we want to get out there. And so much we desire out in the world. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you think about Buddhism, and you know it as just a philosophy, let alone a religious desire, it is where the root of all suffering comes from right desire and ignorance. But that’s what we want to make sure of is that we don’t have too much desire per se to get a lot done. Just pick one small thing and hack away at it.

Tim Matthews 20:00  

I love it, and I think an important point here is to really reiterate not to judge yourself with this, as the guys in Morocco came to realize, as they continued to have the level. And as we continue up a level is often the same original wound, our limiting belief that comes up for you just in a different way, usually, and a lot of the guys were saying, God! I thought I got to overcome this, and I thought I’d done the work on this, then they had done the work on it to get them into another level. And then before long, that achieved all they could at that level, and it was time to go like, go again, it was just showing up in a slightly different way. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion. Just take another layer off, and the layer off, another layer off, and there’s a layer off. So if you judge yourself, and obviously, you’re going to keep yourself trapped.

Doug Holt 20:55  

Yeah, if you judge yourself, you get the telephone pole, as I always say that you focus on, you’re going to hit something, you’re going to hit a target. So whatever target you choose, and just like working out, you’re not everybody’s an elite athlete, like you, Tim. But working out, you have to raise the bar. If you want to keep the body that you currently have, you can’t just do the same workout you’re doing. You have to raise the bar slightly to get a new stimulus. And so saying, I thought I’d done the work on this would be like me saying, I’ve done the bench press before, why do I have to do the bench press again, to get my chest to grow? 

.Well, that’s obviously, you can do all kinds of other exercises, but it’s very similar, you still have to do the work, you still do the workout. Now, I can lift heavier weights, and I can do more, my aesthetics better, etc., etc. And I’m able to maintain as I age a better body. That’s because I’m doing the work. If you don’t do the work, you don’t get there. It doesn’t happen overnight. And so guys, don’t judge yourself or beat yourself off the beat; excuse me. It is the journey itself that we want to go on and really think about. So that’s where you want to pick one thing. And look at the pattern is, Tim, as you said so eloquently for these unconscious commitments. Look at the pattern. Is it a pattern that keeps rising? And if it is, maybe your story around it, what you’re working on isn’t exactly the right one. Maybe you haven’t found that target quite yet. And you’re still working on a different story. That’s not necessarily serving you.

Tim Matthews 22:35  

Did you just say, beat yourself off?

Doug Holt 22:38 

I did.

Tim Matthews 22:41  

I thought you did. He just so eloquently, just kept going with him. Like, he just says, Oh, no. So I’ll just go over here. I am chuckling. Yeah, so true. So true. And again, as you keep writing down, I’m just making more and more notes on this whiteboard here, which is probably why we talked about not creating too many things to do. But what the big overriding note here is is standards. Who am I? Who am I? Standards, standards, and keep aligning to that standard. And I’d like for you to hold me accountable if you will. If you’d be willing to do that, make the commitment live on air. You were holding me accountable to the highest standard. I’ll let you know some areas I feel like I get to improve upon. If you’re willing to hold me accountable, then I’d happily receive that help.

Doug Holt 23:34 

I would love to, and I’ll start off with publicly asking you to rewrite your story about not wanting to be on hold and figure out what really is going on there. I wasn’t going to bring it up on air until you said that. So there’s a couple of things. But those are great episodes that we might be able to dive into, to let these men see something that you do so well, Tim, and something that I really look up to you is, you share all aspects of you. It’s when you get to your coaching people, people are looking up to you, and you’ve done so much work; you’re leading leaders essentially around the world. And yet you are still humble enough to say, look, I’m still doing the work. And you shared it, you shared a lot on these podcasts, whether it be with you and Amelia, your girlfriend and partner, or other areas that you’re working on when it comes to the business, The Powerful Man, the movement that you and I both love. It’s really something to admire. And so, I want to give you kudos, and I definitely will hold you accountable.

Tim Matthews 24:38 

Thank you.

Doug Holt 24:40   

All guys. Well, that’s a wrap for this episode of The Powerful Man Show. Thanks, Tim, for taking that away. I love these conversations when they go. They didn’t go exactly as we planned before we hit the record button, but hopefully, you guys get something out of it. In fact, we’d love to know what you think, so please leave us a review or go over to The Powerful Man Facebook group. The Activation Method. If you’re not a member, just go ahead and request to join, and one of the coaches will graciously invite you in, and we hope to continue the conversation then. Until then, have an amazing day, and we’ll talk to you soon.