Episode #63
We are too busy hustling to make money that we forget we are no longer living the life we desire.
Does this sound familiar?
We forget that there are more important things than money like our happiness and relationships.
Most of us grew up believing that money is the most important thing in this world and that it will solve everything. So we get in this habit of hustling without realizing that as we keep on making money, we end up missing out on the things we say are most important to us.
There is this subconscious belief that many men are operating from which is that the more we sacrifice, the more of a man we are.
Does that resonate with you?
Sometimes we sacrifice our own happiness and our connection with the people around us until we realize that we’ve sacrificed too much, including the people that we love.
We fail to experience all the simple things in life and we start to regret that we let these pass by without being able to experience and embrace the moment because we are busy with “other things”.
In this episode you will learn:
- How to live a life without regrets
- What the most important things in life are
- What things we typically sacrifice while focusing on making money
- The false beliefs or unconscious commitments that we regret believing
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Episode Transcript
Doug Holt 0:00
After he went throughThe Alpha Reset and just saw who he really was as a powerful man, he’s taken the bull by the horns and has led his family his business to levels that are just absolutely amazing and when we talk about regrets like what regrets we have I asked him you know if he had any regrets, he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and just said I wish I would have done this sooner. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host Doug Holt with my co-host Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthew, What’s up bro?
Tim Matthews 0:38
What was the laugh?
Doug Holt 0:39
I just love announcing The Powerful Man Matthews. It’s just a lot of fun.
Tim Matthews 0:46
I set up a date night for Amelia pull out rose petals on the bed runner an ice bath, get some bath salts in cook a dinner and then you know I’ll just be in the bedroom I’ll put it in the bedroom of first I see the rose petals that are my phone as a walk in I’ll just play that and here comes, Tim The Powerful Man Matthews.
Doug Holt 1:10
The expectations are going to be high.
Tim Matthews 1:12
Good.
Doug Holt 1:13
I’m sure you can deliver though I’m sure you can deliver well, yeah, that’s the great thing about being a man is I always have said this for a long time and my background coaching forever is when you get men together like friends, that we all naturally revert to about 13,14 year old boys right? We just have a good time. A laugh, joke around here we are coming off of The Brotherhood Morocco, money mindset. And as I’m presenting so guys listening to this, imagine this just gorgeous setting in Morocco, almost like an oasis. A pool in the background greenery was in the shade. surrounded by 14 men, all just business leaders from around the world, great food on the table as we talk. And then I have a guy sitting next to me who is a master coach, pinching me periodically tossing little pebbles at me. no other men can see this, but just the jovial nature that we as men have when we allow ourselves to be free. It’s absolutely phenomenal.
Tim Matthews 2:20
It’s so much fun.
Doug Holt 2:22
Well, Tim, it is so much fun. And you and I were talking OFF AIR about one of the men in The Brotherhood, and his story and really what it comes down to, and I’m going to let you take this off from here. But when it comes down to it for the men listening to this it is a question. Are you letting life pass you by? as you look at yourself right now, if you’re by Amir, that’d be awesome to look yourself in the eyes, as you’re listening to what my voice? But are you letting life pass you by? Are you going to let another moment another day go by with regret? So Tim, let’s talk about one of our men, that man that we both love. He’s in The Brotherhood. But let’s talk about his story and what’s happened with him this far?
Tim Matthews 3:09
Wow. Right. So this particular guy was in Morocco, and he was one brother’s brother. And for those of you that have played sports, brother’s brother is basically the equivalent of the player’s Player Award. So the players Player Award is an award voted for by the players, and their vote for the guy, the player who they believe has helped the team the most, because most embodied the team values really help the team strive to greatness. And this particular guy won that award. And he got it presented to him in Morocco, a huge achievement. And his wife had written him a letter. And just on a side note, I would love to receive a letter like he received, oh my god. Everyone had tears in their eyes, screaming down their cheeks. It was just phenomenal. And anyway, in this letter, his wife shared how she was so grateful that he had brought two families together. Now, a few weeks prior to this, he asked his wife what she wanted for a birthday. If she could have one thing in the world, what would she want. And she looked at him with tears in her eyes, and said my family and the backstory to this is that this particular guy’s a Muslim, his wife is a Hindu. And I fell in love. about 11 years ago, they fell in love.
And they went to meet his wife’s parents, because they knew that this was going to promote them, likely causing a little bit of upset within the family. And at this time, his wife was living at home with her parents. So he went there and told her parents how much love he had for their daughter and they wanted to marry her. It didn’t go down well and Her parents at that point threatened to take her back to India and do one of two things. Either one, have married off to another family in an arranged wedding, or have an honor killing. So as you can imagine, by that point, what would you do if he was going to sit there and let that happen? So what they did is they did what most people I think would do, and that basically ran away, they moved 70 miles away. He didn’t tell this person’s parents, his wife’s parents where they were moving to. So their thoughts still live in the same place. And they moved with his parents, like I said, 70 miles away. And 10 years went by, 10 years.
Then a few weeks ago, after she shared the one thing that she wanted, for a birth, there was a family. This amazing man took the initiative and reached out. One thing led to another, and they ended up meeting a couple of weeks ago, both families, and this man and his wife. And as soon as they met the Father, the father ran up to them both. I just held them both in his arms and was shaking, and sobbing uncontrollably. Her mother then did this. Turns out, they have health problems now. Not too sure how serious they are. But regardless, I think these health problems have really put things into perspective for them. And he said that her father sat there with his head in his hands for several minutes, as the conversation was going on. Just saying to myself, what have I done? What have I done? What 10 years? Why have I let this pass me by? Why? What I missed out on just having this painful conversation with himself was just out of I get the religion, religious views and whatnot that really played a role 10 years ago, but now 10 years on the scene it very differently, And when he was sharing this story, it really got me thinking and all the men there as well. Because all thinking about, well, where are we in life passers by? Now where are we, in our own beliefs and our own stubbornness, gaining the way of the things that we really desire? Because we want to be prideful? Because we want to be because we need to be in control. Where is that showing up for us?
Doug Holt 7:45
That is just such an amazing story in such an amazing man and family. What do you think about this two-fold? The story and the disconnect that the Father created and must be going through, to let your child go for 10 years and not speak to them. 10 years of not knowing what’s going on, 10 years of not knowing how your daughter is, her safety or concerns, what she likes, what kind of food she likes, what she chooses. 10 years of just that anguish and agony building because you’ve layered this prideful story on yourself. And it’s a story that we all do. Different ways. But man, Tim, I can’t even imagine the shame and guilt that he must have felt and the ability to release that when he saw his daughter and his son in law for the first time in over a decade. Wow.
Tim Matthews 8:49
Yes. It’s phenomenal, isn’t it? And the amazing thing about this is ,I think yesterday or the day before it was their 10 year anniversary. And because of what happened 10 years ago at a real last minute wedding, this particular guy didn’t see his shirt for his wedding until the morning of it. His wife didn’t go and get her wedding dress until the morning of the wedding. It was all very last minute. So he feels like he never gave her the wedding that she really wanted. And the beautiful thing about this is that you know over the next few months that may be able to change I don’t want to I’m realizing what I’m saying here I’m thinking Holy crap, I don’t want to reveal too much and maybe we just edit this bit out because I realized what’s going on with that.
Doug Holt 9:48
guys, I’m interrupting this episode because I want to know do you feel bored, burnout or broken? Discover the system that over 300 businessmen are using to let go of the grind. Find inner Peace and unlock unlimited personal power. So they can have more time, more intimacy and better sex while living a life they love. Without stressing about work, or feeling like a fraud, head over to ThePowerfulMan.com/11. To see what this is all about. Al let’s get back to the episode. It’s really tough when we, as coaches and mentors work so closely with these business leaders, you get to know them, and the intimate details of their lives, their dreams, their sorrows, but also know about their families, it’s hard not to talk about them so openly because we can. I know who you’re talking about. I love this guy. He’s just an amazing family man. And the things that he’s done in the last cheese, what six months, Tim? he is completely one in his life. He has had more experiences in life. In the last six months there, I’d say that he’s had his entire life after he went through The Alpha Reset, and just saw who he really was as a powerful man. He’s taking the bull by the horns and has led his family, his business to levels that are just absolutely amazing. And when we talk about regrets, like what regrets we have when I asked him if he had any regrets, he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and just said, I wish I would have done this sooner.
Tim Matthews 11:32
Wow
Doug Holt 11:33
You know. So when I look at when he told that story, and you and I have heard very well, we’ve followed this journey as it relates to his in-laws, and his version of the story as well. And then hearing this, this new chapter where we’re in Marrakech, every single day, he was talking to his mother in law, which they hadn’t talked to in 10 years. how to talk to 10 years, and every single day, he was talking with her catching up and she was saying I want you to call me, Mother, I want you to call me mom, and Son what foods do you like, because I want to cook them for you, I’ll learn to cook. I’ll make it Hello.Tim, something that was cool. And this is all going off topic, but I’m just so happy for this guy. And I’m sure you heard this. So he needs his in laws, the kind of guy he is, he meets his in laws, and they have lunch and they say, look you’re Muslim, or Hindu, but so we want to be respectful of you. so feel free to order meat, chicken, what have you, and that’s okay. And he said, No, he’s, I do eat that. And my wife does your daughter, but out of respect for you and your religious views. I’m going to eat vegetarian during this meal. And that’s just the man that I am. And he wasn’t doing this to show off or anything. It is the man that he is. It just shows the caliber of men that come through the program. And they’re one of the reasons he got the brother’s brother award, is he does this and he embodies it day in and day out.
Tim Matthews 13:13
And when we talk about missing out on things to give this even more context 12 months ago, so that on the day that he won the award 29th of June, he was somehow I was scrolling through his messages around the dinner table. And it turns out that 12 months ago to the exact date, the 29th of June 2018. I had first sent him a video. Now this guy, I think he entered the Facebook group around just a week or two before that. I remember sending him the video. I remember recording it, I think you actually challenged me to send all the videos out. I sent one to him basically welcoming, welcoming him to the group and inviting him onto a call. I didn’t accept the invitation because back then, he was riddled with anxiety. He had put a tracker on his dad’s car. So he knew where his dad was going because he was afraid that his dad was going to basically die. And he was really afraid that I lived in fear of that.
It was a very irrational fear that lived with for a very long time, he would get a headache. And he’d convinced himself that a brain tumor would take himself to the hospital. He hadn’t been in the office in his business for three months because he was avoiding it. He had many other things, many other different things in his life that he was going through. And as a result, it turned to food so it was quite overweight as well. He used food as a source of comfort and used to sleep with the light on because of an experience he had when he was younger, right up until The Alpha Reset he slept with delay on so to give this some context, this guy 12 months ago was a completely different guy. Totally a different guy and enjoying the program at the end of September 2018. And then coming to Morocco, like you said that when we talk about things in life passing you by, because of the type of upbringing he had, he had never cooked, say never cut an onion, never loaded a dishwasher. He never was afraid of dogs. He had never been on a quad, say Morocco. One of the days we went into the desert on quads. And at first he arrived and he was like, I am not doing this. Where is the ambulance? Where is the nearest hospital? How quickly can an ambulance get to me? So he started to go into his old story in his old pattern.
And then he was convinced to then get on to, in fact, to have his own quad. But that didn’t stop. So he got on the back of somebody else’s quad. It was funny because I was riding behind him and his screen and holding on to Mike like we do life, halfway through it warmed to it. And then he switched and he was riding the quad and Mike was on the back. And he just went, he went crazy and loved it. Full throttle, screaming with joy, screaming with laughter. I got off the court. He’s like, I’ve got to get myself one of them. However, I did not let myself do this all this time. So point being is for him, he’s had so many experiences, and life has become so rich for him. Because he’s given himself permission to really experience the small things in life before he thought life was all about winning the six figure business deals and in a million Yeah, he often tells a story of how he wasn’t even there for the birth of his kids. hearing his wife wished her well to go into hospital, it wasn’t even there to cut the cord. It was in the office. He’s got three children. Whereas now he’s really savvy in life.
I think he met his in-laws, and seeing his father in law’s reaction and that conversation, his father in law was having that painful conversation with himself as a firm to him even more what really matters in life. And I think so often, we can get lulled into a false belief system as men that the waiter provides as a man is to make money. The only thing that matters in life is money. The more pain we can tolerate. And the more we can sacrifice the more of a man we are. All these beliefs that we often buy into just cause us to miss out on life. And before we know it, we are 50 years old and show we have money in the bank, but God still failed relationships, kids that don’t want to spend time with you. And you are suffering with ill health.
Doug Holt 17:38
Yeah, you just can’t live life with regrets at all. I mean, whether it be one extreme case or another, regrets come out in the same pattern in your life as your life, your regrets your regret. So if you’re listening to this episode, you’re taking anything from it. If you have regrets, or if you have things in your life that you’re just not stepping to the line you’re not stepping up to, this is your call out. This is your time to change. Don’t let another day pass you by. Whether it be calling, you know that the girl you love for the woman you love or telling somebody you care about them, or be friends or whether it be taking a course or hiring a coach or coming through The Activation Method to better yourself so you can help your family or whether it be to doing something in your business or traveling. Do not let another moment pass you by with regrets. And I think that’s the message Tim and I are trying to get to you here is man, we’d love to see you the next time we go on an adventure whether it be Marrakech or somewhere else and to hear your story of your successes and not to hear one of the people that unfortunately gets on the phone and says look, another years passed by and nothing’s changed.
Tim Matthews 18:53
So true. Thing is some of those guys reached a point whereby they’ve lived with the regret for so long and the regret invariably revolves around loved ones usually, doesn’t it the ones that we experience and the most painful ones are when the men have reached the point whereby they realize that they must change clinics to let the people around them have just pulled away because I’ve been hurt too much.
Doug Holt 19:22
Yeah, why no Tim when I made my lifestyle change skosh Oh, this was back in 2007 when I think when I made that journal entry that I’ve talked to you about but I just saw so many people around me who were wealthy so many people around me who you look at a checklist what most people define a successful they had it but their life was riddled with regrets and to transfer that to a mobile lifestyle. You know now where you and I traveled the world working with men. Help them better their lives so they can better their families or businesses in their communities to live in a location independent life. In fact, this morning my wife and I were deciding. Are we going to live in Canada? next week, or we’re going to go down to another country where we’re going and that’s our problem right now. And running companies and you and I were just in the Sahara Desert two weeks ago in the Sahara Desert, in a luxury tent camping site, with showers literally the sand dunes you see in the movies, but yet you and I have a tent with showers in them, our own separate tents. Talk about making sure you don’t live life with regrets. You don’t have to go to the extremes I know, I wouldn’t even call them extremes. Tim and I have just made choices in our lives, not to live with regrets to go after and savor what life has to offer. And I want to let you know that exists for you. That opportunity truly exists for you. If one man can do it, so can you and I got to tell you there’s nothing special about me and I’ll let everybody else know.
Tim Matthews 21:12
Careful
Doug Holt 21:14
No offense to me either. You guys can have it too. You just got to do the work. You have to be willing to do the inner work to get there. Whatever your goals can be, you may not want to run multiple businesses and travel around the world you may want to do something else you know you’re my dream is my dream and my journey is my journey and Tim’s is his but for you men what I want you to know is list down do the rocking chair test Tim you know you and I have talked about that the rocking chair test is if Tim and I are sitting on a rocking chair I’ll just use me if I’m sitting on a rocking chair in my 80s what regrets would I have? Is it not spending enough time with family right or is it not traveling as much? What are those regrets for you? Is that the relationships you have not being present with your kids? What are those regrets when you’re at and now today in this moment make the changes and that starts with doing the inner work guys you’ve got to do the inner work go to the mental gym you know that’s what The Activation Method is designed for and I you know I’m not I would be lying if I didn’t tell you is the best program you know that I’ve ever seen because I was scared that you thought I was over promoting something that I’m involved in. But the truth is, it is the best program I’ve ever seen. And I it’s kudos to you Tim and the other coaches because I know your hands are in it. But do something for yourself guys do something for yourself today in this moment to ensure that you will not live a life with regrets sitting on that porch at 80 just wishing you would have taken action sooner.
Tim Matthews 22:51
Wow. So true.
Doug Holt 22:56
Well guys, that’s a short episode for us. But I hope you get something from it. And again, I’m going to encourage you to take action right now as soon as we stop this and if you haven’t already, we love it and appreciate it if you would rate us and leave us a review so other men like you can find the work and can do better. Until the next episode. Have an amazing day and we’ll talk to you soon.
