Do you find yourself waiting for other people to take action?
Life is like a game of chess because every choice you make has a consequence. Decide to carry out a plan and take control of your life.
In this episode, Doug and Tim talk about why planning ahead of time is important and what steps you can take to have a winning plan for your life.
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Doug: Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. Tim, how are you doing, brother?
Tim: I’m doing well. How are you doing?
Doug: I’m flying on all cylinders, man. This morning I did a presentation for the IC. And for the guys that don’t know, the IC is our highest one-year mastermind group. So men have to qualify at an elite level, they have to go through the AM, which is our flagship group. And then we have a very select very small group we call the IC. And it’s definitely our IC, Tim, yours and mine and Arthur’s as well, as well as these fine men. And we went through a training. And I just love seeing those guys. Those guys are salt of the earth men. Absolutely fantastic guys. And the growth of performance that these guys are achieving is just unbelievable.
Tim: Yeah, it truly is. I love them. Yeah, I would class them as our in a circle. They definitely inspire me. to play at a higher level. Yes, correct. Every conversation, every interaction, it’s great.
Doug: Well, it is. And the thing we were talking about today got me thinking about this topic- when we sat down with the guys, one of the things was kind of going around looking at the future for them, right? And how do you remove obstacles – conscious, subconscious. And we’re going to some deep deep dives on some things that I won’t mention here in the podcast. So, I’ll call them more advanced levels of coaching. However, the thing that was really interesting is that these guys all had a plan. And it’s so often that I talk to men who are in a bind.
Now it can be a bind in their business, a bind in their marriage, a bind in their health, or whatever have you. And they’re in a bind, and I’ll ask them, hey, so what are you going to do? What’s your plan? And as soon as I say, what’s your plan, you can see it on the faces of the men that you’re talking to. And what happens is the guys are kind of like, uh, my plan.And then you start talking to them. And I had such a conversation recently with a guy local to the town that I live in now. And he happened to be sharing with me some things about his business.
Now, I asked him what his plan was, and he said, well, I’m just gonna wait it out. I don’t really have a plan. And I thought about it for a second. I looked at him. I said, Hey, do you want some feedback on this? He said, yeah, absolutely. That’s one of the reasons I want to get beers with you. I was like, Okay, great. I go, here’s the truth. I was already a beer in. So I was like, here’s the truth, man. If you say you don’t have a plan, and you’re just gonna wait it out to see how things transpire, that is your plan. Right? Your plan is not to have one. Your plan is to allow the circumstances around you to form and dictate what it is that’s going to happen. And he looked at me with this ‘deer in the headlights’/light bulb in the head going off, and he looks at me, like, holy shit, you’re right. He’s like, I was just hoping things would just fall into place. I don’t know what to do.
And that’s one of the reasons I met this guy. He’s extremely smart, and a great guy. But a lot of us as men, we get paralyzed at times. And we decide, hey, we’re not going to have a plan. We’re going to wait to see how things work out. I did this in my marriage, and some guys listening probably are in this situation. I’m going to wait to see how things shake out. I’m gonna wait a little longer to see if she catches on. I’m going to wait to see what happens. Well, that is your plan. Your plan is reliant on doing nothing. That’s the plan. And when you have that plan, you fall into a beta or a victim mode. And I say that because you’re really waiting for other people to take action so that you can react later on. You’re waiting for them to dictate the terms of your life. And this guy was doing the same with his business.
Now, he was looking to get his business acquired. He had a very thriving business. He ran it remotely, and he was tired and bored of it. And he was going in negotiations with the largest stakeholder in his industry. And his plan was to wait it out. And so we sat there, and a lot of guys listening to this are gonna think, well, that’s absurd. You know, if you’re going into negotiations, you should be prepared. You should have counteroffers. What is the amount of money you’re willing to accept? What are the terms you’re willing to accept? What is your ceiling, where you expect to go, and what is your floor, the least amount of money you’re going to take or equity or whatever it is?
And most men, businessmen, are going to map out and game out multiple scenarios here. And they’re going to try to lead the conversation. Within this negotiation, they’re gonna have an element of pitch, right? They’re going to pitch their business, they’re going to have all these elements coming in, and really formulate the environment to get what they want. However, a lot of guys, and this guy happened to be one too, in his marriage, he wasn’t doing any of that. His wife was driving the negotiations, so to speak, his wife was driving the marriage, his wife was driving the relationship. And his plan was to sit back and do nothing, and see how things shook out. And it was because of this, this guy was not getting what he wanted out of life.
Life was happening to him, not for him. He was not being proactive, he was being reactive. He had not reflected on the past, to look towards the future. And as we’ve talked about in previous podcasts, you need to look at the past, to get the data, to see what’s going on. To get a visual of the chessboard of life, you need to look at the previous moves. And once you’ve done that, now we can look forward, but we need to be proactive, we need to think of what the moves are going to be, we need to anticipate the other opponents, the other players’ moves. And not that life is like a chess match.
But what I mean here is, what is your plan? Whether it be in your business, whether it be in your marriage, what is that plan that you have? Tim and I have sought out business mentors, because we don’t know what we don’t know. We don’t know what’s behind the next curve or corner. So, you find somebody who’s been there, done that, and has a proven strategy to get you to the next level. That’s obvious. That’s just what you do. The AM is for relationships, right? That is clearly designed as a methodology to help married businessmen go from a point in their marriage where they feel detached from their wife, or divorce may be on the table. But either way, the intimacy is gone, the love is gone. And we bring them back in a short period of time toward that love and respect that is regained in the eyes of the woman that they love, and they’re able to see things much clearer, because it’s a proven plan and methodology. It does not rely on hope. It does not rely on sitting and waiting. You do have to take action with a methodology, you have to follow the methodology. And that’s why it gets results.
Tim: Yeah, I was on a circle call today. When you jumped off we went through the accountability process, because obviously you’re on there teaching advanced techniques, as you said, and part of that accountability is, hey, what’s your COIL score for the week? For those people that don’t know, COIL is a tool that we give the men. It stands for the chart of intentional living. And each week, you have a maximum of 35 points you are able to get. One of the gents there was telling us his COIL score, got 29 for the week, 27-28, which is a great score. The idea is you’re never going to get 35. If you are, you’re playing too small. Equally, you shouldn’t really be in the high teens or 20s, because if that’s the case, then the rules of the game that you set in are just a little bit too hard to reach. Sob yeah, it’s a good place to be.
So, I ask them a question. Where did you drop points, and is there a pattern in the areas that you dropped points? And it turned out that there was. It was business for him. And the reason why he was dropping points in the area of business was because he had the wrong plan. The planning had led to him asking questions of himself that were just just the wrong type of question. He could have made it easier for himself to be achieving the things in business today versus putting obstacles in his way.
So, in a few questions, he became clear on what his plan was to be moving forward and leaving this call, and as a result, he had a great deal of clarity and perspective, and he went from feeling like he was losing in the territory of business to having a great deal of excitement about the next seven days and what that may hold in store for is COIL score in business with this new plan that he laid ahead. And the same is true whenever you guys are on track. One of the questions we always ask people in the team and in the movement is, what’s working? If you’re on track, why? It’s important to know why you’re on track. What plan is it that you have currently, that you are working, that means that you can move the needle so you can keep on doing more of what’s working for you?
Now, some people say, Oh, I don’t know. And they put those reasons outside of themselves, which obviously, isn’t a great thing, because you can’t keep doing more of something that you don’t know that you’re doing. But usually what happens for people is they become aware, whether it’s within that question or a few more questions, of what is working, what plan is working, and then they get to continue to do more of it. And things that come to mind is, are you playing not to lose, or are you playing to win? The idea of saying, I’m just going to wait, I don’t have a plan, I’m just gonna wait – well, that is your plan. You’re playing not to lose.
It’s easier to sit back and wait for somebody else to make moves than it is to put yourself out there and take a risk. But if you choose to play to win, you’re gonna formulate a plan and you’re gonna go on the offensive, right? Here’s the most dangerous person to have a fight with: a person that has nothing to lose. They’re gonna go on the offensive. You don’t want to fight with that guy, or be in negotiation with that guy. It just reminds me of some of the things we’ve been sharing with the men this week, asking them simple questions. being the victim or the victor. Playing not to lose or playing to win. I think when you ask yourself these questions, it becomes very clear, you can’t hide behind the sophisticated excuse that ‘oh, I’m just going to wait it out. I don’t have a plan.’ Well, like you said, Doug, that is your plan, just not a very good one.
Doug: No, it’s so very true when you think about it. And certainly in my life, there’s times when I haven’t had a plan, or I’ve tried to come up with a plan for something I don’t know, on my own, grabbing books, listening to podcasts and coming up with something. And that was when I was in my 20s, Tim, running businesses. I was running multiple companies in my early 20s. I shouldn’t have been, by the way, at that point. And instead of hiring mentors because it costs too much, or asking for help, I tried to figure it out on my own. And you try to come up with the best plan.
People do it with their workouts, nutrition, all those things, rather than just following a proven plan that’s already been placed. And that’s where you get great books. I mean, you have great books that are out there from guys like Jim Collins, or, you know, the EOS with traction and things like that, that have a methodology or plan that’s worked for others that are in a similar situation as you, but rather than following that plan, for some reason, in our own great intelligence, we think, Oh, I will just come up with a better plan myself. Or I’ll get that plan and I’ll just manipulate it myself, before actually mastering it, before actually taking an internal, working the plan, and then tweaking it. Just get the rough edges of the plan. I’ll dabble in it.
And there’s a great book called Mastery by Robert Greene. I’m not sure if you’ve read it, Tim. But it talks a lot about this idea of dabbling versus mastery. And it really resonated with me because most of my life I’ve been a dabbler, really good at a lot of things, but not mastery of a lot of things. And partially because I didn’t work the plan. And it takes me a little longer to learn. But it wasn’t until I was much older – I’m 45 now, 46 soon – that I realized, oh my god, I can save myself so much heartache, headache, and time, which of course means money, and if I just would go, Alright, I need a plan for my fitness, I’m going to hire someone who’s an expert, who has proven results. Not just their body, but for taking a 46-year-old married man with kids from point A to point Z, right?
Same thing in my marriage. Same thing in my business. Same thing in all the areas of my life, looking at what that proven plan or process is. And all too often, I know that a lot of guys can relate to the fitness background. People will go into a gym and they’ll hire the fittest trainer. Right? Great. All that tells you is that that person knows how to get their body fit. What I want to do when I hire somebody is, I want to go in and find a trainer who’s done this for men just like me. And that’s why, guys, if you haven’t been over there, go to thepowerfulman.com/results. We literally have hundreds of men just like you, and you can see their results. Because you don’t want to work with somebody who’s got a methodology unless it’s proven. You don’t want to work with somebody who hasn’t been able to replicate the results you’re looking for. It’s in that replication. That is the key. That is the key to the greatest coaches in the world.
When you look at basketball, Pat Riley, you have so many amazing, amazing coaches. I know you’ve been studying leadership quite often, Tim, I know you’re reading a lot of books about some of the best sports coaches in the world. And they don’t happen to be the best players at that time and they probably weren’t the best players when they were playing. However, they were able to produce results that were extraordinary, and they were able to do it repeatedly. Bill Walsh, time and time again, going forward. So these are the things you want to look out guys, is how can you do that? What is your plan? And if you say, Doug, I don’t have a plan for my business, I don’t have a plan for my marriage, I don’t have a plan to be a great, amazing husband. Well, I’m here scratching my head looking at you going, Okay? Well, you do have a plan. And your plan is to sit on your hands and do nothing. And that’s a shitty plan.
Look, I’m going to tell you like it is boys, it’s a shitty plan. It’s time to recognize, look in the mirror, have a moment of wake up like the one that I was given with my life, and recognize that saying you don’t have a plan, saying you’re gonna wait it out is your plan, and it’s a crappy one. So it’s time to reverse that and come up with an actionable plan for yourself. What is one thing that you can do right now within the next 30 minutes to move you forward towards your goal? And maybe that is mapping out what your plan is. Maybe it’s getting on a phone call with one of our advisors at TPM, simply go to thepowerfulman.com, there’s a Start Here button to give you some more information. There’s a quick video of me just basically talking about how us men get in this situation in our marriages, and then you can apply to get on a phone call with an advisor to see if it’s the right fit for you. Simple as that.
In your business, you want to do the same thing. We offer business coaching and business advice, but that’s after men go through the AM. Because what we found over the years is that when your marriage isn’t working, your business isn’t going to work. And the reason you have your business is so you can be with the people you love, and have freedom, and enjoy your time. So why build an amazing business if you can’t do that? So, we start with the relationship first, and then we move into the other territories. But either way, you have to have a plan for all of them. You have to have a plan for all of them. So what is your plan?
Tim: Well said. I love that moment of reality. Just getting real with yourself. Is a shitty plan. It really is. The plan to do nothing, the plan to wait. I mean, yeah, the thing that comes to my mind for me, when you talk about this, like I said a moment ago, playing not to lose versus playing to win. When you’re playing on the defensive, you’re far more at risk of things going wrong. Whereas, when you play on the offensive, the odds are stacked in your favor, things are gonna go the way you want. Playing defense is a dangerous place to be. Playing it every now and then, okay, cool. I get it. But living there, on the back foot, not to lose, that is a dangerous place to be. It’s kind of like the five agonies. Right. The fifth one is uncertainty. You know, which domino is gonna fall first? So, yeah, if this resonates in any way, guys, I would listen to Doug’s advice. I would choose to take it. It may not be what you want to hear, but it’s probably what you need to hear. And then do whatever you need to do to get a plan in place.
Doug: So, gentlemen, if your relationship, your marriage isn’t an eight out of 10, on average, not all the time, but on average, you need to get on a call with one of our advisors today. If your business isn’t an eight out of 10, on average, you need to come with a plan in your business. if your health isn’t an eight out of 10, you need to come up with a plan for your health. What I found over the years, guys, and I’ve been coaching in one way or another for 20 years, I found that for most people, when your relationship or your marriage is struggling, that is the key domino. That affects us all. It infects our minds. It just consumes us. So take care of that, take care of your health as well, of course, and everything will fall in line. As we always say, gents, in the moment of insight, take massive action. We’ll see you next time on the TPM show.