The Stages of Manhood

Episode #399

What stage are you in?

Are you in the stage where you’re earning and building your vision for your career?

Are you in the stage where you need some space other than work?

Why do you think you’re at that stage?

In this episode, we’ll get into the seven stages of manhood and we’ll help you to identify what stage you’re really in. It’s time to take the right path and be a more Powerful Man.

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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt 0:00  

If you are in the “knight stage,” you want to go out with your buddies, or you want to go “do what I do” like go backpacking, maybe it’s you’re going to go diving with sharks. Those are ideas of what a knight might do, and what happens a lot of times in relationships with the man is a knight in this stage, the woman doesn’t understand why he needs to go out. It’s not a want, and it’s a need for this guy in this stage of his life to go out and conquer and go out and adventure. This creates a lot of conflict within the relationship. 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of “The Powerful Man Show.” I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, the “Powerful Man” Matthews. Let’s go on down, brother.

Tim Matthews 0:42  

Yeah, I’m doing very well. You?

Doug Holt 0:45  

I’m doing well also. I’m not used to when you ask me for some steak and a drink.

Doing great man, get ready to fly out to get ready for The Alpha Reset that we’re putting on in Florida. In fact, by the time this is released, we will be underway with ten men going through a phenomenal transformational experience and the volunteers. What is something cool about the “Powerful Man Movement”? Tim is just the man who gives back like we have guys who volunteer to come into these events to assist these men through their journey. We’ll call it the “tunnel” for right now, and you’ll understand why in a little bit.

Tim Matthews 1:21  

Yeah. Well, even as a coach every time I go through it, by default, the questions that we’re asking the men, the experiences, that we’re leading them through the exercises, the journey, they go on to come out of the tunnel, essentially. By default, we go on that journey with them, and it’s fantastic. I’m envious that you’re going to be able to do it. I can’t be that because of COVID. But we have another one in October, so I get to be at that one, which will be nice. So yeah, I mean.

Doug1:56

It’s going to be fun

Tim 1:58

It’s going to be a few days away. Wow!

Doug Holt 1:59 

Yeah, it’s only a few days away, which is exciting. Something that’s going to come up well, it’s not going to come up during The Alpha Reset, but it’s applicable. So I thought we talked about today, and that’s “The Stages of Manhood,” and that’s a bold statement to call it “The Stages of Manhood,” and where I get this from is Allison Armstrong. She wrote many books on men, women, and relationship development, recommending them, great resources, and great starters, right?. I would call them “foundational starters” to get through. So, Tim, I want to take a little time today, list out what those stages are, and chat with you so the listeners can get this concept and see if they can self-identify into what stage they might be in.

Tim Matthews 2:43  

Let’s do it. I like co-work.

Doug Holt 2:46  

Great. Yeah, it’s great. So the caveat to these stages, in my experience, Tim, working with 1000s of guys, is that most men think they are one stage ahead of where they are. So I’m leaving as a caveat for you listeners as well. Most men will identify one stage above where they are. So this is very typical, especially in all kinds of stages when we think about things, maybe it’s our fitness, if it’s our wealth, where we’re at, we’re typically visualizing ourselves one stage ahead of where we are. So with that in mind, when you self-identify, really look and see if you are at that stage, or maybe you are transitioning into that stage. That’s the stage you want to think of yourself in. So with that said, I’ll go through the first two stages relatively quickly.

The first one is the “page stage,” right?. So Alison Armstrong uses this kind of old, feudal system, so to speak, where she starts with a page, right?. If you think of medieval times, the page is the young person challenging. Think of the boy who picks up a wooden sword, or climbing trees and going on adventures, is the person taking risks and discovering, is usually adolescence. So we’ll just say up to 12 years old now, I’m going to give some general age brackets here, but it’s usually that young boy who’s out discovering his world around him. I get to see that with my son right now, who’s in the “page stage,” out there being a hero, but he’s got a buddy that’s visiting right now in our house, and I think they’re playing SpiderMan right now upstairs when I was up there. 

The second stage is the “knight stage,” right?. This is somebody who’s become a “knight.” This is typically a huge bracket here and because men develop at different times, but this is aged 12 to 32, right?. So I’ll say it again, 12 to 32. a “knight” is somebody who is, you can think about it, a “knight.” What do they do? They go on quests, they go on adventures, right?. They love competition. This is why some of us played sports into our 30s, me being one of them. They love having fun, right? Let’s go to Vegas. Let’s do some cool things, right? That’s the “knight,” and they’re out for an adventure. WhatAllison talks about for women, if they’re dating a “knight,” someone who’s in this, you have to expect that “knight” to always go out on these adventures and not stop them. So, some guys listening to this when if you are in the “knight stage,” and you want to go out with your buddies, or do you want to go do what I do, like go backpacking, maybe it’s, you’re going to go scuba diving with sharks, or something like that. Those are ideas of what a knight might do. What happens a lot of times in relationships? If the man is a knight, at this stage, the woman doesn’t understand why he needs to go out, right?. It’s not a want, and it’s a need for this guy in this stage of his life to go out and conquer and go out and adventure, which creates a lot of conflict in the relationship. Because if the woman is in the “nesting mode.” You can imagine she wants to. She’s doing “Pottery Barn shopping,” or she’s getting the pillow, throwing pillows for the couch that match everything, and decorating the house. But the man is in the knight stage, going out doing these adventures, maybe it’s going to loom or take away from thought for three months. Who knows if he’s in this stage, and if the woman doesn’t understand it, that can cause a lot of conflict within the relationship.

Doug 6:17

Mm-hmm…

Tim 6:18

Now we have the third stage. Now, this is where we are at the poppies; we see many guys coming into the third stage who are 30 years old and on. Then the reason it’s “and on” is because many men never leave this stage, right?. They can be in their 60s, still in this stage. Then Allison calls this the early prints stage, right?. There are three stages of prints. 

This is the “early print stage,” Tim. This is where a man is getting a vision of his future, a vision for what he wants. A vision for his family, a vision for himself, a vision for his career. Allison will call this “a vision for your kingdom,” but you can think of this as any other way. Often, what happens with men is in their 20s and 30s, they’re working their tail off, and they haven’t had a chance to create a vision of themselves or for themselves. The vision or the way their life is going is dictated by other people’s, right?. What their parents told them. You need to be a doctor, and you need to be a lawyer. You’re going to be a CEO or an owner of a company that just carries on, and they never get a solidified vision of what they want. Because of that, they get stuck in what she’s calling the “early print” stage, and we see this all the time with the men that reach out to us to The Powerful Man. I mean, these are amazing men. So early prints have had nothing to do with your masculinity and your ability to run a 678 910 figure business. Really what this is, is how what’s your vision of your kingdom, you have a clear vision of what it is you want what it is you desire

Tim Matthews 7:59  

You’re good.

Doug Holt 8:01  

Alright, good. So stage four is the “mid-print” stage. Again, we’re still staring at 30 for this “mid-prints,” but this guy typically is 30 to 45. this guy’s building his kingdom, and this is the hustlers, the grinder, right?. The 30s, you hear people talk about this 30s or 40s is where you earn, right?. 20s or 30s is where you learn mid-30s, or 40s is where you earn. That’s a common thing that people talk about. This is where the guy is building that vision, and he’s collecting his money. He’s out there hustling; he’s building a business, right?. Because he’s got a future in mind that he wants to use this money for. So right now, he’s providing for his family. The “mid-prints” was the guy that’s out there slaying dragons like the “knight,” but he’s slaying dragons and bringing back the gold, where the knight just wants to kill dragons. This guy is bringing back the gold to his family because he’s preparing for the transition that’s to or possibly to come. Which could be again, I’ll talk about some minute, which is “late-stage” prints, and then eventually “king or elder” going through there, so he’s in preparation mode. He’s out there gathering everything he wants. This guy is typified from what I see. This is a guy that’s been told what a lot of us have been told, “Hey, look, you work your tail off. You make money, you buy the second home, you have the nice car, you’re getting the kids ready for college, etc., etc. everybody’s going to love and respect you. You’re building your business, and you’re becoming a titan in your industry”. often, I see the “mid-print” stage Tim usually looks the late 30s into the 40s. Now again, roughly 30 to 45, but I see the stage go past 45 quite often. We’ll see guys into their 50s still in that hustle and grind mode. Now I’m going to share something interesting with you in a second here.

So the next stage is the “late-prints” stage. Now, the late prints are starting to discover, “Hey, I hustled and grind, I did my thing. now I have some space for things other than just work, maybe some space for family”. Now, this is typically a guy 40-45, somewhere in that ballpark. Again, you’ll see the overlap here, guys. But this guy has got more space in his schedule. He’s created that space for himself. Maybe he’s, by this time, in my experience, he’s looked up and said, “Shit, this isn’t working.” “Yes, I’m killing it. I’m making a lot of money, hopefully”, right?. Many guys are just grinding it out, not making anything. Their “take-home” isn’t very big. But hopefully, this guy looks around goes, “Wow, what matters to me are my relationships, my health, myself, the things I want to do.” this is the late print stage when he recognizes that and takes action on those items. Something interesting to me, if you think about people like Gary Vaynerchuk, notorious for “Hey! you just got out, hustle, you got out grind”, everybody. Now he did that through his 30s and early 40s, and his messaging has changed in the last year to “Well, you don’t have to work as hard. You get to take time with your family, you do get more balance”. So he’s a very popular person. I’m very polarizing, but most people know who Gary Vaynerchuk is, I’m going to guess, and his messages changed if you follow him at all, and I follow him a little bit. His message had changed over this time, where it’s not all hustle and grind because, again, that was when he was in the “mid-print” stage. I think he’s transitioned to the “late-print” stage, coming through there. 

Now, what happens here during this transition, your “late prints,” is the guys go through what Allison calls the “tunnel,” and I’m going to have you speak a little bit about this, Tim, if you can. This is also what people might call a “mid-life crisis,” right? Some guys never get out of the tunnel ever; they either stay in the “late-print” stage or backtrack to the “mid-prints” or “early” stage, which happens quite often. This is where self-doubt creeps in. Who am I? What do I need? What do I want, right?. This is where a man needs space to figure himself out. He doesn’t know who he is at his essence, right?. He knows “Hey, I’m Doug Holt,” but who is Doug Holt? If I wasn’t the label of Father, if I wasn’t the label of entrepreneur, if I wasn’t the label of investor, right?. Who would I be as a man? Who would I be as a human in this world?. This is what happens when the man’s going through the tunnel, and this is where he needs his woman to either be or become his queen. According to Alison Armstrong, this is the stage where she needs to appear strong for him and both of them in that role.

Tim Matthews 12:52  

It’s interesting we just had a guy join us a couple of days ago. See if you can guess where he is. So,186 employees, his businesses in 22 states in the US, have been working hard for the last several years and recently had a heart attack. That’s why it was always healthy, always fit, and came out of nowhere to surprise them. It was stress-induced. Now, what he says is the only thing that matters to him is his family. Yet his family is falling apart. He feels that his wife is only with him out of pity because of the health scares he has just been through. She doesn’t desire him. He found her having an emotional affair with one of their friends’ text messages going back and forth saying, “I love you, let’s just run off together.” He’s confronted about these, and it feels like a stranger in his own home.

Doug 14:01

Not man 

Tim 14: 03

And now, he’s begun to question everything. So what do you think, Doug? I mean, I’m curious. I’d love to hear what the listeners think. We can’t. Although if you are in the Facebook group, drop posting now, I’d love to hear what you think, but now from that, what would you say is

Doug Holt 14:20  

Mid prints. I’d say it’s “mid-prints” going into the” tunnel,” though trying to get into the “late-print” stage, right?. But he’s being forced into the “late-print” stage because of an acute issue. 

Tim 14:33

Hmm…

Doug 14:34

Which is his health scare.

Tim Matthews 14:35  

Yeah, yeah, it’s interesting, right?. I don’t know whether we can ask him, but I don’t know whether he would have come to this realization about his family had he not had the health scam. I’m quite sure which one came first. Oh yeah, when you said guys could regress “early prints” and so on, we see that often, right?. It’s the guys that start to self-sabotage. They make all the money, and we call the tunnel “no man’s land.” That’s our version of the tunnel, essentially. 

Doug 15: 04

Yep. 

Tim 15:05

And for us, what we’ve come to realize is in “no man’s land,” there are “five agonies.” You may have heard us talk about these before. We have released some podcast episodes on the “five agonies of no man’s land,” so you could check those out. But yeah, we have seen this systematically over 1000s of men, is as predictable as the alphabet. The guys go through the “five agonies” one to five as reliably as you go through the alphabet from ABCDE, right?. He just goes that way. It’s just a pattern. In that process, the guys have often made money and thought it would be the answer, though that would be the gateway to respect, admiration, significance, and fulfillment from the people they love. Oh, when they realize it isn’t? It starts to be a question of, “Hang on a minute, well, who am I? What do I want? Do I want this business to award this money? What’s the point?. Now, if I’m going to lose my family, then what is the point.” And some guys sometimes come to us too late, unfortunately. It’s those guys that can sometimes anger and sabotage it all and start to take a lot of drugs, and I never thought they would. It’s the classic cliche of “I don’t seem like that kind of guy. I never thought I’d do this”. But I can think of many men who come to us too late, then regress and start to spend a lot of time in strip clubs and drugs. At the office, even though they don’t want to be there, they just hideout, hoping nobody notices. The good news is it can be avoided, provided you catch it.

Doug Holt 16:49  

It can be avoided and can, going from that stage of either “mid-prints” or “late prints” to the next stage, which I’ll talk about, can be fast-tracked.  And we’ve seen it time and time again, where guys don’t have to take three to five years in the tunnel, or whatever it is to go from one stage to the next. It just doesn’t have to happen. Now, is it easy? I won’t call it easy. But it’s something that if you require some work, and some dedication, and some direction, and you can get out of it. It’s kind of like having a map. In my experience, Tim, going through these stages, is like having a map of how to get there. So if I have a map to go from where I live, which is outside Bend, Oregon, and I want to go down to where I just was, which is Orange County, California. If I have a map, I can get there really quickly. I know the fastest routes; I can go the direct route. I’m zigging and zagging everywhere, running into dead ends. If I don’t have a map, You’re trying to get gas someplace running out of gas, what do you get the idea of the analogy. Without a map it just takes a lot of friggin’ trial and error. And the problem with that is you burn a lot of bridges with that trial and error, a lot of relationships, and yourself. You’re burning yourself out hence this guy, probably having a heart attack. The stress, the anxiety that goes through that., heart attacks are no laughing matter, obviously because then again, that increases your odds of having another one. It gets tough, and I hate to see guys go through this. I mean, I went through a lot of this. On my journey, “The Powerful Man” wasn’t around.

Initially, when I was going through my journey, had it been, it would have saved me so much heartache, so much time, energy, money, and heartache is the reality of it. Because I went through this midlife crisis area early, and a couple of people walked by very wise women, joke about it with me. So it’s a very interesting thing to see. But I surrounded myself with extremely wise people in this type of environment that helped me get through it and helped me with the directions. I spent it collectively, and we always talked about you, myself, and Arthur, in particular, spent millions on personal and business development. That’s a lot of money that could be invested elsewhere. I mean, it was money well invested because where I am now, I’m very happy. But this is where the next stage comes in, and this is kind of the “gold stage” for most men now, and that’s the stage of the king. When you think of the” king” and Alison Armstrong, the king knows who he is. He’s confident and secure. King isn’t usually somebody throwing around their income and doing those things because he doesn’t need to. Now, you may choose to drive a nice car because he enjoys it, but he doesn’t do it to impress people. The king knows what he wants and what he wants to do. He’s decided who he is. Now, the men coming out of The Alpha Reset have a direct shot at this path. I would almost say this, what she talks about is the “most direct path I’ve ever seen to becoming a king,” from going from Prince to King is The Alpha Reset, and that three to four days of experience. That’s ironic; one of the reasons I got involved with a “Powerful Man” is, I saw The Alpha Reset, said, “Man, this is the most transformational experience I have ever witnessed in my entire life.” I mean, I was in the jungles; I’ve traveled all over the world doing stuff. It’s by far the most direct route to becoming a king. Now, a king is typically in his 40s or 50s. This is a guy who’s got that quiet assurance we talked about in the “Powerful Man,” one destination two paths. We’ve talked about that, as well as previous podcasts. But the long and the short of it is, there’s one destination we’re all trying to get to, there’s one place we’re trying to get to, we call it the “Powerful Man.” That is your destination. 

Now, some men on the path on the left, if you imagine two divergent paths leading to one, almost like an inverted “Y,” the opposite way. On the left is a path of struggle, chaos, hustle, grind, you’re chasing women, you’re chasing drugs, or chasing money, or chasing alcohol, and you keep backsliding. As soon as you start to burn up, that builds up your life, you burn it down, build it up, burn it down, build it up, burn it down becomes a pattern, we look in the past. The path on the right is a path of flow, and ease and that’s a different path altogether. That’s the path, unfortunately, that most men look at and go, “No, I can’t do that. It’s impossible. It can’t be that easy, can’t be that well”. There are men out there talking about that second path. It’s just we’ve been so conditioned to him to either make fun of them or assume they’re lying or something that men don’t like to talk about all the time. 

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show, but I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like there’s something more out there and you just can’t put your finger on it? I get it.  Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men, just like you, who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you; go over to ThePowerfulMan.com right away. Now let’s get back to the show.

Tim Matthews 22:36  

Well, the thing is as well about the path. I think that people looking at it from the outside don’t understand the men on that path. So the path on the left is a “path of force,” the path on the right is a “path of power,” and because the guys in the “path of power” don’t need to shout about how they operate. Now I’ve seen right on the “path of power,” doors opening walls that you’ve previously been trying to climb over while walking around. You just somehow synchronicity started to align ideas start to flow, and you start to get way more out with the same if not even less effort. We’ve had guys “forex,” the business while taking two-thirds of the time off, and that there are tons of examples and experiences like that you can always head over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Sucess. There’s a results page up there with tons of different case studies on there. But anyway, the point I’m making is when you realize that you don’t need to check anything because you have nothing to hide, nothing to prove. By default, you become very unassuming; the definition of being “Alpha” furrows is that you have quiet confidence, quiet self-assurance about what’s best for your pack, and you lead by example, and you have a calming effect.

So the guys on the “path of force” look at the guys in the “path of power” who earn assuming and think that they have it all together, “I trade in his Lamborghini for his downgrade, and he can’t be doing that well.” Well, no, he’s just realized that he doesn’t need that Lamborghini, and instead, he can be fine with a Porsche Cayenne. It’s more suited to family life, so it doesn’t rely on what people think of them anymore, and part of that is the surrender. Now, part of making your way through the “tunnel” really quickly and making your way through The Alpha Reset is to surrender because the way to win the war is to surrender. It’s not to fight. It just takes you further into battle. But now, the guys in the “path of force” think that surrendering is weak, is easy, and it’s the complete opposite. If you’re ever in a position, you guys have been to The Alpha Reset and about that. All you’ve done is you’ve been invited to go through exercises, surrender to yourself, and the emotions that come up for you, and the experiences that you go through, you’ll know that it’s not a walk in the park. It’s a fast track, but as you said a moment ago, “it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.” Especially if you want to turn a four-year journey into a four-day journey, it’s challenging, and that’s the misconception. Surrender, there’s surrendered. Surrender is weakness. No, no, no, no, no, some of the most powerful men I know are the ones who have been able to surrender.

Doug Holt 25:43  

What’s the difference between wisdom and then just testosterone or lack of wisdom?

Tim 25:50

Yeah.

Doug 25:51

It’s down to you getting to a point in your life, and you guys know this means if you’re a parent, there’s a certain time for things. As a businessman, there’s a certain time for things. Much of that comes in the pause, the spaces between, and the wisdom to know the difference. When you’re around somebody who does have the wisdom to know the difference, it’s such a man who knows himself well, and most guys don’t. I think it’s an interesting concept that doesn’t get talked about very much, Tim, because most men don’t know who they are, really who they are. That’s why they feel uneasy at the barbecue, or they feel uncomfortable at the networking event, or I was just traveling, I was visiting my family, I was at the San Francisco, and it was the American Express lounge, and it was packed. But you could just see people of all ages, men, and women, but mostly men, just basically huddled into themselves, protecting themselves because they didn’t want to be seen. They don’t want anybody to look at them. It was really interesting to watch and to sit there and enjoy. Theoretically, if they’re at the American Express lounge, they’re doing okay, or at least they can afford an American Express card. So you’re, it’s mostly businessmen, veterans there, and you’re watching them, you can tell how uncomfortable they are in their skin. Don’t talk to me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me. Just let me grab my food, my free cocktails, and sit down—that kind of ideology. Ironically, a man sat next to me, and he and I engaged in conversation. He’s been a CEO and founder of Silicon Valley for a long time, a great guy, a great conversation. The point was, he was very secure in what he was, and there’s no coincidence that we sat next to each other. He even said so; he’s like, “there’s no coincidence in this life, Doug.” I said, “I agree.” 

And we had a great conversation, and we’ll continue to do business together. His extreme heat was extremely fascinating with the “Powerful Man,” Tim, and he wants to be involved with us, so I’ll talk to you about that fair. But really, an interesting guy had a great conversation because he is in the “king stage,” or he knows who he is. He knows what he brings to the table. He knows what he wants, very unassuming. As we talked about, he is out in the world, besides just as interesting as kids and things like that. He is an extremely successful businessman who doesn’t have to talk about success, one who doesn’t have to talk about his accomplishments. That’s that quiet competence that comes in the energy, that comes in the attraction, that comes from a man that’s like that just attracts people to him, and gravity pulls him in. As he said, there’s no coincidence that he sat right next to me, none and started talking. Just absolutely none. So, Tim, another stage is after a king that isn’t talked about very much.  That’s the stage of the “elder” or the “sage.” Now, this is a man who’s trans ascended king, and this is a “rare stage,” and he has decided to dedicate himself to the community, to give back to philanthropy, to coaching to teaching, to share his wisdom to the world. He’s a king that has gone above and beyond and continues to dive deep into himself and to the people around him, filling his cup up first and then allowing that cup to spill into others. 

So Alison Armstrong only touches on this very briefly in her book, but you and I know this happens to many men that go on to year two or three of The Brotherhood or the inner circle, which is our one-year mastermind group. These guys have been on a “king stage,” they’ve enjoyed building their kingdom. They understand who they are, and they’ve decided, “You know what? I’m working less, making more. My relationships are great. I’m bettering myself, I’m becoming more of XYZ, the man that they want”. And these are men that want to give back, and this is why we started a nonprofit called “The Worldwide Movement,” dedicated to helping men around the world. So many of these guys will go out there and lead chapters of this, to go out and give back. But the “sage” and the “elder,” this is a very wise man who you just have that calm confidence in a king. But this guy is also a guy that can sit back, think, and then give you insight that you may not have had. This is someone who’s almost seen as a natural teacher, but they don’t have to be right; their goal is to contribute. Very few men reach this stage, sadly. Most want to, and this is where the rocking chair test comes in handy for me, and for those that aren’t familiar with this exercise is a modified version. But imagine where you’re sitting in a chair. You’re sitting next to Tim or myself, in a rocking chair on a porch, and you’re having a lemonade, and if it’s a cocktail, I don’t know. But you’re in; let’s just say you’re in your 80s at this point; on the rocking chair, you’re sitting back and reflecting on your life. What’s important to you in that moment as an 80-year-old man reflecting on your life? What’s important to you?. This is where the “sage “or “elder” can come in. Lives impacted. Legacy left. This becomes important. Very few of those guys will sit there talking about the Porsche Cayenne or Lamborghini that they once owned. Maybe it’s exhilarating. Maybe they raced it, who knows. But what do you think they’re going to talk about? They’re going to talk about their relationships nine times out of 10. Was that five? “Regrets of the dying” was that book called Tim, and you recommended this book to me a while ago? It’s a great book.

Tim Matthews 31:34  

Yeah, I think it’s “Five regrets of the dying.”

Doug Holt 31:37  

And this is where a woman interviews people on their deathbed hospice.

Tim Matthews 31:42  

She’s a nurse. 

Doug 31: 43

Yes, in a hospice

Tim 31:44

palliative care 

Doug Holt 31:46  

Okay, I think in the States, we call it hospice. But these are all people dying, and so she starts interviewing them. They come up with five regrets, none of them. But typically, you guys know the answers to these yet. How often do we live by these? How often do we look at the road ahead of us? And something I was explaining to somebody, Tim, this is somebody said, “Look, do you think your 43-year-old man”. This guy is not me, I go, “do you think that you could advise a 20-year-old?”. He’s like, “Oh, my God, you gotta be kidding me. I could save that guy”. So much trouble and pain, and this is what he went through. He got so excited about how much education he gave him just because of his experiences.  I said, “Look, what if you then talk to a 63-year-old man? Don’t you think he could give you a lot of sage advice? Or what about somebody that’s been on that path, somebody who has brought their relationship from the brink of divorce back to a thriving relationship? Do you think that person could give you some insight, or someone who’s built their business and was able to do all the things with their family they wanted to? Do you think that person can do it?”.

He’s like, “Oh, crap, I never thought of it that way, Doug.” This is where the sage and the king can come in. that pathway getting out of the “tunnel” where you’ve not stuck anymore in limbo, in “no man’s land,” as we call it “TPM.” When you get out of that, that’s where clarity is when you have your kingdom in front of you, and you’re able to sit on your throne and celebrate. We call it being a “Powerful Man.”  And this is the ultimate stage that every man, I would argue, wants to get to. Not everybody has the same path. But everybody’s trying to reach one destination on two paths. As you identify guys with your stage of manhood here, what I want you to do is sit down and think, “Where am I? Am I still hustling and grinding? Where am I in my relationships? Where am I in my relationship with myself? Do I feel drained? Like I’m not filling my cup? Do I feel tired all the time? Do I have a lot of self-doubt around myself, my relationships, my health, my business? Where am I here? Crap! Who the hell am I? If I’m not a dad, I take away that label, and I’m not a husband; I take away that label. I’m not a business owner, and I take away that label. I take away all the labels of who I am as a man. Who’s left?”. 

And these are points worth considering. These are points that we dive in deep, starting with the “The Activation Method” for those who choose to join one of our programs and going deeper as we go into The Brotherhood, The Alpha Reset, the inner circle, and others programs. But these are questions you want to ponder, guys, “What stage are you really at now? Which one do you want to be? I want to be at that stage, I know I do. But where are you really? And what season of life are you like? Where are you really?”. 

It doesn’t mean that a king doesn’t go on adventures; they do. That doesn’t mean that a king doesn’t work hard; they can. They choose to. That’s the difference. They choose to and sometimes necessity pops into your life, you can still be a king, and some circumstances happen. That’s okay. The difference between a king is a king KNOWS who he is. When you meet a king, you just know it. Kings are attracted to other kings. That’s why a random guy might sit next to you at the lounge and just have a conversation with you. Because there’s an energetic attraction there, “Hey, I can tell this guy is secure with himself. He’s not trying to prove anything to me, and we have a great conversation”. That’s a different level. I couldn’t do that “knight stage,” can’t do that a “sprint stage.” You’re too busy on a “print stage,” you’re grinding it out, you can’t talk to anybody. You’re on your laptop, and you’re typing away because you got so much work to do and got to catch up on emails, and oh my gosh, you got to do all these things. King doesn’t have to; they choose to but don’t have to. So, guys, I’m going to ask you to sit down and think real quick, where are you? Are you in the knight stage? Usually, guys that are into their early 30s. Or are you on your “early prints”? You don’t have a vision of what you want. Are you a “mid-print stage”? We have that vision, and now you’re just grinding it out. You’re hustling it down. We had the “late print stage,” where you’re starting to open things up. You’ve been grinding now, but now you’re creating some space in your life. Remember the late print stage goes well into the 40s, late 40s, sometimes 50s. 

Are you in the tunnel? Are you stuck in a tunnel where you’re “How do I get out of here? This is not the life I anticipated. This is not what I expected. I did not get the reward for the effort I put in? This is bullshit”. That’s what we call “no man’s land.” Are you at the stage of a king, where you’re sitting back going, “Okay, this is the amazing kingdom I built. I go hang out with my wife. I have a nooner. I’m going to chill, go fishing today. Even though it’s Wednesday, I’m going to take a day off and go fishing, or go snowboarding up in the mountains, or whatever it is you like to do”. Or even the sage and elder stage, where your time is spent dispensing knowledge and wisdom to others. You’re giving back with philanthropy, and it’s about the community, not you anymore. So, guys, I want you to pick that stage. I’m going to encourage you, and this is specifically for the guys in late prints and above, but all of you guys are invited. This is how you get to those stages is actually by taking action is to go to the free Facebook community and yes, we are on other platforms Instagram coming on to Tiktok, etc. But Facebook’s a great community, and it’s a private community you can jump on and put what stage you’re in. Now there’ll be a post that’ll have this episode, and you can watch a video so you can see Tim’s pretty face on there too. But under there, put what stage you’re on and why you think you’re on that stage. Again, you don’t have an ego. If you’re in an early print stage, go, “I’m an early print stage, and I’m working towards mid prints.” That’s more powerful than lying to yourself and saying you’re in your king when you’re really in early prints. There is so much power in being honest with yourself, guys, and it’s just as much power in taking action. 

Tim, if you want to leave something guys with?

Tim Matthews 38:34

Yeah, I thought there was a point earlier when you spoke about people thinking they are usually one step ahead of where they are. When we spoke about the good news, you can turn it around provided you catch it early enough. I think one of the things that holds men back from catching it early enough is the fact that they lie to themselves, and I get it. It can be tough to face the reality of where you are, especially if you’ve put decades or ten years, or several years into building something to realize then, “Hang on a minute, have I wasted this time? I’ve been building the wrong thing. I’ve been focusing on the wrong area”. But we’ve come to realize. Usually, it’s just a tiny cause correction, provided you catch it. Catch it in time, it’s tiny cause correction, one degree here, two degrees there, and you’re back on track. You let it go, and you let it go, and you let it go. Then yeah, you’ve got a big job ahead of you. It can still be done. Just like Doug said, you’ve often “burned more bridges” in the process. He wasted our time, more energy, more cash, and if anything like the kinds of recently joined, maybe you had a few health scares. So my advice, my encouragement to you guys, would be just to accept where you are. There’s no shame. Come clean and raise your hand in the Facebook group, and from there, we’re able to give you guys guidance.

Doug Holt 40:19  

Awesome. Well, gentlemen, as always, it’s all about taking action. I don’t care if you’re a knight, Prince, King, or an elder. Take some action and take action now, especially in the moment of insight. Not later, but right at this moment. A way to do that is to jump onto that Facebook group real quick, post a video, post where you’re at, and then that will spur a long conversation for yourself, within yourself. That is going to take you to the next level. Guys, that’s a wrap for us here at “The Powerful Man Show.” As always, have an amazing week. See you next time.

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