Episode #89
Have you ever witness someone destroying other people just to gain more in their own life or business?
Has that person ever been you?
It’s not uncommon to see someone taking advantage of others to grow their own business. Typically these are people who are not satisfied with where they are, what they have, and who they are?
These people feel disconnected to themselves, finding themselves in broken relationships.
Has that person ever been you?
In this episode, we talk about the power of knowing who you are, connecting with yourself, and knowing what really matters to you.
If you relate to the person described above….we guide you in HOW you can take steps to make a change and a transformation. HOW you can reconnect with who you are and have a life that have been craving
Do it for yourself.
Your business will grow exponentially as a result of leveling up without the need to screw other people. What you do and how you perform and how you treat other people is a complete reflection of yourself.
Be a person with integrity while leveling up your game.
What you will learn in this episode:
- The importance of integrity
- The importance of being satisfied with yourself and your relationships
- The importance of knowing yourself and asking for help when things aren’t working out
- How to level up your game without hurting other people
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Episode Script
Doug Holt 0:00
I think they’re just not happy with themselves where they are today, and therefore to get ahead, they’ll screw other people over and make excuses. I’m not satisfied with my marriage. I’m not satisfied with my health. I’m not satisfied with this, but the truth is they’re not satisfied with themselves. Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, The Powerful Man Matthews. Tim, what’s happening, man?
Tim Matthews 0:32
I love how that stuck. It’s not cool.
Doug Holt 0:35
It’s not, are you there? I turn your video off. Come on.
Tim Matthews 0:41
I was speaking, not sure if I mentioned this to you. I was speaking to Amelia or recording something the other day. She was listening to a pod. I don’t know how it came about. But she heard Tim The Powerful Man Matthews, and she’s like, you saw what you call yourself? Like, no, it was Doug calling me, and they put these little like, cheer music on the podcast, and it’s great, and she was like, she was cringing, like you don’t call yourself that show? How dare you, you should call me that.
Doug Holt 0:45
Too funny, too funny.
Tim Matthews 0:41
She should introduce me to her friends, and this is my partner, Tim, the “Powerful Man Matthew.”
Doug Holt 1:25
I think a lot of us guys would like that. I always joke with my wife about something similar. She doesn’t do it, though. But anyway, damn. What I wanted to bring to the table today as a conversation topic is one that I do see quite often or not quite often, but it’s happened to me recently, and it’s happened in the past, and I’m sure a lot of business owners can relate to this. There’s a gentleman well known in his industry and The Brotherhood, which we speak about so often, who’s going through something similar, so it happens to us, business owners. But what happened was I was discussing a business partnership and not in a legal sense. Still, in the sense that one of my companies would come in and service this other business, almost like a white label type of situation, we would come in. We would provide the foundation the groundwork for their company, and they would resell the services bundled with something that they’re doing. So it’d be a win-win situation, a win for my company, a win for his company, and a win for the clients. So I got on to a video call with him and some people on his team and Tim. After the pleasantries, I could tell almost right away that they were starting to pick my brain to see if they could run this themselves. Right? So they started asking more detail-oriented questions that they would need to know, how are you? How would you run this? How would you fulfill this? How would you navigate this hurdle? How would you navigate that hurdle? How would you set up this whole system, etc.? So after about 20 minutes into the conversation, it became evident to me that this guy and his team were there to poach the ideas and see if they could increase their income by taking the concept that my team. I brought it to the table and ran it with them. Have you ever had this experience?
Tim Matthews 3:24
Um, yeah, I think it happened when I partnered with you, right
Doug Holt 3:30
Yes, you did take my ideas. This is true, and I am speaking exactly about you.
Tim Matthews 3:39
Yeah, it was about time I had this conversation. I had this experience similar, I mean, when I was growing fitness for mom in the early days, so we teamed up with a company that was called he was in the child I won’t name the company. Still, he was in the child the kind of baby space, let’s call it. I don’t know why industries called baby space whatever, and we have our company was fitness someone back then. So our market was pregnant and postnatal women. So the complemented well, watch the end up happening was I was essentially brought in, sit in on a lot of the negotiations for this company and with this company, with different strategic partnerships, which was on one side. It was great because I sat in on meetings with some very high profile people, and people who were celebrities and TV personalities and the guy who cell phones for you and some very wealthy and wealthy people. It was a great training ground now to hold my own and understand negotiation and he always said that I like to negotiate Well, this is where I learned and what ended up happening that was basically a lot of the ideas it wasn’t so much a white labeling it wasn’t anything to do with white labeling actually but a lot of the ideas and strategies that I’ve used and had worked I was basically been I didn’t realize that at the time either being brought in to implement them with this company and I wasn’t doing implemented but the CEO of the company was in the meetings as well so obviously with her being involved in the conversation and working with her in the partnership it just so happened that for the most part I was I’ll sell has been taken advantage of but it takes to write it takes one to allow one to instigate it but back then for me there was I never used to maintain my boundaries and I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers to grip podcast episodes within the past maintaining clear boundaries don’t ruffle any feathers. So I used to kind of let myself, in some respects, get pushed around in business, not to the point whereby I got taken advantage of, but as I said, I was a lot younger than a lot less experience. I was the thing I’ve trusted the wrong people, let’s say, so now what it is this sometimes happens when people approach me for certain things but not as much as he used to
Doug Holt 6:36
yeah, well, so the reason I bring this up is we also have a again use this; there’s a guy that we both know in The Brotherhood who was selling this company for $65 million roughly thereabouts and the same thing a company came into acquiring them. It all looks good, and it turned out the company was there to steal his customers; right now, he’s in a legal battle and sucks. So the question that I want to bring to the table isn’t just doing it suck to get screwed over or have somebody manipulate. But what is going on with a low level of integrity at the person who is doing the screwing over right, which is a person on the other side of the fence? How do you think they are justifying in their mind and their head doing those actions that they’re doing?
Tim Matthews 7:27
Oh, that’s going to catch I think all that matters to them, in my opinion, is to make more money because we talked about the big one destination to pass the path of power the path of force, for the most part, those people on the path of force derived their significance and power. However, it’s false power from being able to manipulate people and make money and take from others and compete. It’s almost like a survivalist mentality whereby I’ve got to rob from you, Doug, for me to have more. After all, there’s only so much for everybody, and if I don’t do that, then I’m going to say go without well he’s not even go without some people take so much pride in that are you use the word power, but I don’t even think it’s power is ego isn’t it, but it’s another word. False power is the best word for me to put it because underneath that bravado of manipulation is insecurity if you’re it to dig deep and scratch it. Usually, those kinds of people have many broken relationships around them have a lot of surface-level relationships around them that don’t often let many people in. Yeah, sure, they might make money, but usually, the shame that goes with a lot of the actions eats away at them, and no matter how much money they make, it never usually lands they never actually feel fulfilled or successful. Partly because then they’re numb, and they’ve got to become nominators to survive with who they are on a day-to-day basis. So life is bleak for those people even though they have money. They’re very much living in black and white versus living in color. It’s not a great place to be, in my opinion.
Doug Holt 9:20
Yeah, I agree with you, and I’m going to also add on that I think they justify things, and I say justify I think what they’re doing is also coming in and in this situation coming in and saying, well, geez, I think I could probably handle these things. I need a few more details, and then that’s all fair game. Business is all fair game. Stop. You always hear this old kind of thought process or in the movies anyway, like it’s not, it’s not personal, it’s business. Right, and I think that that is something that stunts the growth of a lot of the Men, and we see this when men come through a program, there’s a few of them that come through the program, and they’ve done this in the past and to your point, really what they’re trying to do is they’re trying to get ahead. They don’t have an identity, and they’ve created just this tidal wave of destruction behind them, and when they look up, there’s no one around, or at least not very many people are around. The ones that are around them are in a codependent relationship with them. Therefore, that relationship has no solid structure, and they justify in their heads how they could do this, how they can get away with this, and how they’re going to move forward. I think you nailed it, the head the nail on the head, so to speak, Tim is, is it a scarcity mindset I have to take from you for me to get ahead. Right, for me to make money, you need to get screwed up in a win-win situation or, or a way that everybody can, can get ahead.
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Tim Matthews 11:44
Yeah, and it’s it’s complete rubbish, right because it’s not it’s business it’s just business it’s not personal here is, is a personal reflection of you, the one that’s screwing the other person over it’s a reflection of what’s going on within you and how you operate and we all know that we speak about the five territories and when the main contours they’ve got it upside down got it back to the front businesses first then it’s money then if there’s anything left relationships then if there’s anything left at that point the invest into their health and in themselves but usually relationships health and self get barely anything whereas the right way in the five territories is to have self at the bottom and then health above that and then relationships because when you’re looking after yourself and you are in a really place of true power, a place of true knowing when life is effortless life flows through you, you make decisions quickly you take inspired action you leadership is powerful whereby people want to work for you like one guy in The Brotherhood went into work and his staff like go home we don’t need you to take some time off. Like that, that is leadership creates such a culture there they invest in his people, and he loves them so much and loves them so much that they want to grow his business for him. They are bought into the vision now that kind of leadership cannot take place when you come in from a place of false power operating from separation from competition from fear from greed from the five agonist it just doesn’t happen and we know that ever territory touches one another so business isn’t it’s not just Hey, it’s business it’s not personal because if that’s how you operate in business, screwing people over without integrity, then my bet is that you’re also looking at other women and contemplating cheating on your wife and going on porn instead of connecting with your wife and skipping out on workouts and eating rubbish food and wasting time on social media and staying up late and drinking too much and probably taking drugs and Listen, I’ve spoken to hundreds of men by this point and I hear very similar stories day in and day out and that isn’t to be read the men is I’m not speaking from opinion here I’m speaking from experience of working with hundreds of men you to write, it we see the Pon time in well day in day out so if you are in a position where you’re operating like this in business. I’d highly encourage you to take a look at where else this has shown up in your life reminds me of a story of one guy that I spoke with some time ago. He owns one of the UK’s largest recruitment companies, hundreds of millions. He would have investors that would fly out him our business partners whatever, and they take them out on a night out, end up going to strip clubs and doing coke and drinking loads, and he’s got a wife and a daughter. So it was all about him going to strip clubs and taking cooking and drinking itself into oblivion because that’s work you’ve got to do to entertain these clients. I don’t think it is. That’s a choice that you’re making. No wonder why he was on the phone to me saying how, no matter what he achieved, how much money or hard or whatever, he just wasn’t satisfied, his marriage wasn’t working, because he’s doing all these things to disconnect himself from his life from his marriage. So how will he ever be able to be present with his wife and his daughter in the way that he wants or even feels? Any fulfillment? Is it just not going to happen?
Doug Holt 15:37
No, I mean, completely, obviously disconnected from self, and I think that’s the heart of the issue. If you’re not happy with yourself, who you truly are, and I think it comes back to what we said in a previous episode is knowing who you are, we do an exercise on day two at The Alpha Reset. You don’t want to share the exercise because I think it needs to be a surprise where men get a glimpse of the man, the real man they are, and we’ve talked about this before. It’s one of my favorite quotes to share, and I can’t remember who said it originally, but the definition of Hell is meeting the man you could have been in life and not stepping up to that. I think a lot of times with these guys, the guy that you mentioned to him, and certainly the guy that I’m thinking of right now, or at least the company and I’m extrapolating this, I don’t know it to be true, but I’ve been in the situation enough times to, to see the formula for it as a baker, right, you see the recipe going in what’s going to be coming out of the oven is I think they’re just not happy with themselves where they are today. Therefore, to get ahead, they’ll screw other people over, they’ll make up excuses. I’m not satisfied with my marriage. I’m not satisfied with my health. I’m not satisfied with this, but the truth is, they’re not satisfied with themselves.
Tim Matthews 16:56
That’s okay, as well that’s, there’s no shame in that. But I think there’s such a culture, especially within a businessman who are achievers, they’re so used to pushing down their fear and overcoming that inertia that they stop and ask for help and admit when this something isn’t working, and as it pertains to you, I mean, so often guys invest so easily in the businesses right? Now we see it time and time again, guys that come to the program, they’ve invested hundreds of thousands in developing the business, sales systems, hiring people, marketing systems, whatever, the happily invest x, it’s almost like, it’s like a new car, right, you’re going to invest in something that gives you some significance. But then in the process of that, they build this, almost I don’t want to say facade, they build this impression of how their life is as a result, and he almost does; it buries them. Because what then happens is, when they do hit any road bumps within themselves, it has them a question: Can I raise my hand and ask for help. Because then I’m weak, or I’m admitting defeat, how are people going to perceive me? People are not going to see me as the strong leader that they are now. Things are going to change. But the reality is, unless they take their time and energy and effort, money to invest in themselves as easily as it did in the business because it’s so important. That abyss, that dark hole they enter, becomes deeper, darker, and more slippery and more lonely. It doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t, and it just takes asking for help, whether it’s whatever, whoever was the people, and what often happens is your business will grow exponentially, as well, as a result of you leveling up if you’ve got your business to a certain point by operating probably about 10%, 20% of what you can pull off. I asked guys when I spoke with them, Doug, on the clarity calls. Okay, so what percentage do you think you’re currently operating up? And I haven’t had one guy, say above 20%, and these are running seven, eight-figure businesses. So imagine what’s possible, what we know what’s possible, we see it right. But just for the listener, imagine what’s possible when you do work on yourself and your business. Things are fine.
Doug Holt 19:56
Oh, absolutely. I mean, you think about it again, but going back to this case scenario, I didn’t know this person very well. But had they reached out to Tim and said, Hey, Doug, this is what I’m thinking about doing? Do you have any advice or input? I would have gladly given them the roadmap and said, hey, yeah, here’s what I would do, here’s how to do it. I would have gladly done that all the time for people’s coaching or mentoring. I don’t necessarily think I have all the answers, but here’s how I would do it. But because they went about it in the way they did, and it was just clear how they were doing it, they burned a bridge with me, and that bridge won’t be built back. At least not easily. I’m not going to say never. But it’s kind of like, hey, zebra, and striped zebras ever change their stripes? And how do they work? So unless that person does serious development on themselves, our business relationships over the way I look at it, but have they been okay with themselves secure enough? And just asked and talked to me about it, I would have been right there with them in step, helping them build this out for their company and their future.
Tim Matthews 21:07
Where you go takes honesty. Honestly, just it’s such a, such a gateway.
Doug Holt 21:13
Yeah, it is; it’s a gateway to getting what you want; getting clarity and insight is so good. So gentlemen, if you’re out there, and you’ve been in my shoes, where you’ve had somebody lack integrity, what I would define is integrity and try to steal or cheat you in some way, shape, or form. Just remember, it’s not you. You want to, as Tim said, go back and listen to the episode on boundaries. It does take two, there are certain things you can put in place to prevent this from happening to you in the future, or just like I did, as soon as you recognize it, yeah, in the call and you end your deliverables that you’re going to give to that person, and you make a mental note. But if you’re also the person that’s listening to this, you’re like crap, they’re describing me, and you’re finding yourself justifying your actions. You’re finding yourself justifying what you did and how you did it. Just remember that justification is an excuse, and that excuse is you just hiding, hiding from what you’re doing and being honest, so it’s time to get real, honest, and raw with yourself and get some clarity around what you’re doing. Guys, that’s it for us in another episode of The Powerful Man show. I hope you enjoyed it. Please rate and review, and we will see you next week.
