Episode #46
There is no transformation that goes rapidly. It is a continuous work, commitment, and improvement. The result of the transformation is based on your level of standards.
Some men use time and money as an excuse but it is really their standards that are preventing them to achieve transformation. They feel that they are not worthy of those standards because they think they are too high for them.
Unconscious commitments prevent us from growing and raising our standards. Men always find ways on how to make themselves busy even if it is not working for them because we are taught by the society that when we are busy it means we are successful, in demand and significant. We do not realize that these beliefs or norms will impede our transformation or growth and it will soon ruin our lives.
Men in the brotherhood are also businessmen, they have families and most of them are even leaders of their communities. They have high time demands yet they are able to maintain their standards and are always raising it. As a result, they are also able to lift the standards of the people around them.
Raising the standard doesn’t really require more time and money. It only requires a mindset shift and a commitment to a transformation. Commit to continuously do work and improve. Start with yourself, stay away from the patterns dictated by society and achieve that higher standard of living.
In this episode you will learn:
- How unconscious commitments ruin our lives
- How to achieve transformation and raise our standards
- The excuses men usually use that prevents them from achieving transformation
- The requirement for you to be able to raise your standards
- The results men achieved in the Alpha reset
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Episode Transcript
Tim Matthews 0:02
The Activation Method and The Alpha Reset are designed to get you going. It is. It’s designed to complain, draw a line in the sand, get you out of your way. Let go of the guilt, shame, and sadness, and anger that usually have been weighing you down. Take control of your life and discover how powerful you are.
Doug Holt 0:23
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, what’s going on, brother?
Tim Matthews 0:35
Yeah, I’m good, good. A little bit groggy still, after The Alpha Reset, it’s taken me quite some time to recover. But it’s been worth it? Well, we go all-in for them at the retreat. Now to see him at that moment, Doug, I mean, when the penny drops, and during that one exercise on the end of day two, it’s all worth it. Then two here are these guys have integrated back home into home life and the shifts that have happened with the wife and the son, and, the other members of the family and within the business. I’m happy to take him for a few days afterward if that’s what we get in return. So, yeah, I’m doing well.
Doug Holt 1:14
Yeah, I’m with you, all the coaches., we always say, with seven men at The Alpha Reset, and yeah, the men are exhausted. But so are we; we go through it; I always say we go through seven alpha resets because we’re going through it with each man. A lot of these guys come in for business, and they get a lot from business me to get a ton. We see the progress they’ve made in such a short time since being back. But it’s in the area of relationships and clearing things a realization since it’s hard, Tim, as I want to tell everybody exactly what goes on there. But that part of the magic is not knowing and not knowing what happens. That’s what makes The Alpha Reset such a powerful, dynamic, transformative experience.
Tim Matthews 2:03
Yea, I’m just giggling because every time the guys arrived that, and that first evening, so they arrived there on Thursday, around 4 pm, check-in. Thursdays very informally have dinner, we’ll play some games have a laugh and the men the first time the men are meeting one another. It’s the first time the enemy knows each other. So it’s the pink elephant in the room, isn’t it? Eventually, somebody says, what the hell are we doing here? I can’t believe we’ve flown across the world. For some people we’ve met online, we don’t know what’s going on. Because you’ve got us in the middle of nowhere. Everyone’s just like, look, kid shift with one another is great. But we purposely don’t tell the guys what’s going on. Because then puts you in a position whereby there are no expectations, and they can go all out?
Doug Holt 2:56
Well, that’s exactly it. Because these guys are all leaders, they’re all alpha leaders in their own right, and I’m not when I when we say alpha, I think I always have to clarify because we’re not talking about a pound your chest. But you look at it, we had a guy here with three world records in the Scottish games in the highland games, so these are the alpha guys in the traditional sense, but they’re not in that pounder chest sense. So these guys are leaders in their community in their business. Now they’ve given just complete blind faith almost over to us. Now in all fairness, they’ve gone through eight weeks of high-end coaching with our coaches, and I’ve met each other online, but, as you said, they’ve never met each other, physically, or us in person. It is funny to kind of get that deer in headlights thing., of course, if anybody’s listening to this, that knows me that I mess with them a little bit when they’re there, and you give them a hard time for fun.
Tim Matthews 3:56
Yeah, it’s correct, it’s correct. I’m so used to be in control when we get the guys to go out for noble silence, which is particular practice, and we say he’s going to be 15 minutes, and he runs over because we might be prepping for the next exercise or whatever. The guys are so used to be in control and so used to, the last word here the regimen of boom, boom, in work life. That’s how that rug pulled from beneath them, and to be completely surrendered into the process is, it’s just fascinating to watch the dynamics unfold. It all feeds into a great experience. It does. So I’m very proud of the work that we do there. The results of the men get the man that shows up. It’s a blessing time every time I leave exhausted, and every time it’s worth it.
Doug Holt 4:47
Yeah. So Tim, I know we didn’t plan on talking about this, but I’m going to do it because I think it’s important for the men to listen to this. Let me I’m going to rattle off just a couple of the results. A couple of guys have gotten, and they’ve shared with us, so we have our private community online for the men in our programs. Of course, you and I and the other coaches have access to those, and we’re always communicating with them. But the guys produce their results. For example, one man, he’s a father, and his son owns a business. He’s extremely successful. Probably some of our listeners would know who this is. But anyway, his son, it said, you’re not my father me; basically, my grandfather is more of a dad than you are, which obviously, any dad listening to this knows that knife to the heart, that would be and, had some his wife was going through some anxiety. His other daughter was doing her own thing. But long story a little shorter, he could reconnect on a level with his family that he previously had never had. His son turned to them after one conversation. One conversation after The Alpha Reset, his son turned to him and told his dad that he loved them. It wasn’t his dad’s fault; I apologize for things in the past; it created a whole clearing conversation for his entire family to kind of hit cooked rice, a ctrl, alt delete a total reboot of their family in a place of love. The reason it was is that he had such a dramatic transformation in The Alpha Reset that he was able to hold space and a container of energy of positive energy to lead his family. It was so true, just like you hear any truth, you just feel in your bones. That change was so true within him that his family felt it; it only took him one night to get that all back.
Tim Matthews 6:44
There’s a pattern that wasn’t there. This pattern is played out in every alpha reset. The marriage problems that the men are experiencing are always because of the men not showing up and leading the family. Now, this isn’t through any fault of their own they have been taught to believe that the way to provide is financial. So they’ve gone out to work on portion hospital and false and grind. They’ve become very burnt out and emotionally exhausted, which means they have nothing to give to the women in our lives or even their families. Now what this then means for the women in our lives is the women either rise or fall. If they rise, they become the alpha, which happened in a couple of cases in the men there, which isn’t the natural position for a woman. Even the most fearless female leader wants to at times be able to relax and surrender into the strong presence of a masculine container. So the women either rise and become the alpha or fall in their fall and become depressed and anxious. They do this because they feel vulnerable to attack; they don’t have that emotional presence from the man in their life that makes them feel protected. When that presence isn’t there, and the protection isn’t there, that’s when all the fear starts to set in. Along with feeling anxious or depressed, we’ve had it in the past and almost had it with some guys.
We did have it with two of the guys here, whose wives then had affairs because they have sought after that protection from other men from other sources. So, have the men see this and realize this and then go back to their wives and their families with a particular presence. No words can you can ever do this presence justice, by the men that were there was saying if you’ve got to be it’s got to be experienced one of the guys within our activation method group, unfortunately, couldn’t make this offer resets, he’s going to come on to another one. All the guys were saying we can’t explain it to him. He’s just got to be here. He has got to be here., those guys whose wives had cheated on them and whose wives were anxious and depressed then returned home. It’s almost like when that and they stood before the women in their lives, and the woman can feel them, not only feel that they’re present but also feel that the men are present with themselves. Confident and comfortable within their skin. The woman almost breathes a sigh of relief is. He’s here, and he’s here because the truth is, the women have seen the man that they are all along. The men haven’t seen it. The men have been showing up in alignment with it. But the women have seen it. That’s why they are with these men. Then what happens? One of the guys and they have been sex three times one afternoon in the middle of his lawn in the middle of broad daylight. Just enjoying himself, and another one of the guys said to read that text message. I think you saw it, Doug, where he was saying I’m going to are you at this place at this time be wearing this, I’m going to be showing up as a powerful man that I am. Now some other bits and pieces., the emojis that came back in that text message from his wife, were like a bomb going off a firework fire.
Because the men are there, one woman was skeptical, she loved the changes her husband had met, but she was concerned about how long this would last. Quite rightly, she’s got every right to be concerned. We always said that The Alpha Reset is the beginning and not the end, as one guy described it. It’s like having the veil pulled off and going from living in black and white to full color. There’s a period of adjustment, quite rightly. Also, it’s the beginning, not the end, because the men are going back into an environment full of people, places, and things that remind them of who they used to be, and also into relationships that have rules around them that they’re made based on who they used to be as well. So there’s a period of adjustment that goes on for these men. Quite honestly, not all men are making that period of adjustment, so men fall away. We ended up rekindling the relationship with those guys six months later. They’re often in a worse position than the room when they first came to The Activation Method because now they know the truth. Now they’ve seen something that they can’t unsee, and they know what they’re capable of. They’ve also seen other men that have been in their group that has continued to rise and thrive and grown in like The Brotherhood and other ways in which we continue with the men. So I’m excited to see what the future holds for these fine men. The Activation Method group finishes this week, some of them have already progressed with us in a The Brotherhood, which is exciting means we’ve got a full 12 months to support them and work with them to realize their vision for the next 12 months The Activation Method, and The Alpha Reset is designed to get you going. It is it’s designed to come clean, draw a line in the sand, get you out of your way, let go of the guilt and the shame, and the sadness and the anger that usually has been weighing you down. Take control of your life and discover how powerful you are.
Doug Holt 12:19
Yeah, I mean, there’s such a great transformation. See these guys, and there are so many more stories we can share with them. But Tim, I’m always don’t push the continuation onto The Brotherhood to anybody or any of our other programs. It’s just not my style. But I’m always so shocked at those few guys that don’t move on. They try it themselves when you’re like, hey, man, and this hasn’t worked by yourself in the past. This hasn’t gone. Now you’ve seen the light. Like it’s, it’s like going to the gym, Tim, you don’t we say this often you don’t go to the gym one day and say great, I’m fit. I don’t even have to go to the gym again. That’s not what we’re saying. This is not a, and all the transformation happens rapidly. It’s not a quick fix. This is work. This is the path of the alpha, the path of the alpha is one of continuous improvement., you’re leading your pack, you’re leaving your wife, if you have a wife or a partner, or your future partner, you’re leading your business, you’re leading our community, and people are watching the stakes are high for the alpha. It’s easier, definitely easier sitting on the couch, saying someday I’ll make the change.
Or someday, I’ll do this. I’ll take advantage someday when I have the money, someday when I have the time. The two most common excuses, right for a change, don’t have enough time, don’t have enough money. But, it amazes me that these guys are stepping into their power that doesn’t continue to the next phase. It does. As I never push it and or push anything on anybody. Because we’re all on our journey, I’m excited to see a couple of these guys over the next week step in. Because the few that have continued with us are already making exponential progress in just a week, it’s amazing. Hey, guys, I want to interrupt this episode because I want to talk to you about something important. We put together a case study on how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives and their 4x in their business revenues and have more connected intimate sex, all without sacrificing their relationships or health by using The Activation Method. Now a lot of you have contacted us, and they want to know how they’re doing it. We put together this short 11-minute case study just for you. So you can see how these entrepreneurs are achieving this level of success. To get this case study. All you have to do is go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus, yep, that’s one. You can get the case study right now. All right, it’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s back to the episode.
Tim Matthews 15:04
Yes, it’s huge; it amazes me the for the guy, it doesn’t amaze me, he doesn’t amaze me that guys, some guys don’t, the thing that got these guys in trouble in the first place has not been asking for help and thinking they can go out alone. You’re the pastor, the lone wolf, so it doesn’t amaze me at the same time; it kind of does. Because I’m like, holy come on, wow, you’ve achieved this phenomenal result with a particular structure and support system in place. Why would you then remove that and believe you can then take things to the next level? There’s also happened with particular structures and people in place, and it’s like growing the business to a certain level and then firing all the board that helps get it there. This doesn’t make sense, does it all.? The guys that go into The Brotherhood, oh, my god, I just get so pumped by those guys. Chris is so excited; it’s a big commitment, not just a financial commitment of time and energy, but even more, so it’s a commitment to your standard. He said a straight line in the sand and saying what, here’s a level that I’m going to play out. I am committed to achieving my vision here.
The father that I know I’m capable of being the husband, the man, the business leader, I know I’m capable of being I’m all in, I am all in, and I’m committed to raising my standard. Then to see those guys flourish., we’ve spoken about many guys over the past episodes on the show., we could go on and on speaking about the achievements of these men. One, we don’t need to; it’s not relevant for right now. But to be walking alongside those guys, I think the greatest compliment I could ever pay those guys is that those guys inspire me to do better. Those guys held me to a higher standard yesterday. I did not want to be there at all; I arrived back from us on Wednesday afternoon, slept from like 9 pm until 1 pm the following day, very tired, been resting up and getting some work done as well. But, being part of The Brotherhood been alongside some men leading the movement means that you commit to a certain standard of living, so I went to the gym, and it did not feel like a gift. We always like to talk about giving your body the health it deserves. I believe that doesn’t mean it always feels like that. Yes, yesterday did not feel like that. I am part of The Brotherhood. That’s what spurred me on to be there and not let those guys down., to be around men like that is just invaluable.
Doug Holt 17:55
It’s so true., what was cool to see in the group is you posted a photo of yourself at the gym. Mike d a shout out to mike done of the guys has been The Brotherhood for gosh, mike’s been in almost a year now. He got he sent one right back at you. He was in the gym and hit it hard. A couple of other guys also followed up, so we talked about standards. Tim, that’s the issue. We use excuses men of time and money, the right the two most prevalent ones, I don’t have enough time right now, I don’t have enough money. So when I get enough time or money or both, I will proceed, then I’ll go through The Activation Method and then on to The Alpha Reset or The Brotherhood, or the pack or whatever it may be. But it’s the same thing as the reality that most of these men are most men listening to this, right? So if you’re listening to this right now at the gym, when your car and you haven’t been through The Activation Method, my guess is this speaks to you too, because otherwise, why would you be listening to this right? Are we use that excuse because we don’t want to be held to the standard. Or our standards are lower for ourselves. We don’t feel at some level that we’re worthy. I know in another episode, we’re going to talk about unconscious commitments. We’ll go over that in more detail. But we see this with the men, the men in The Brotherhood. Those guys are phenomenal. So you posted that you’re exhausted, and I get it because we came back from the same place.
You’re at the gym, and it was so cool to see how fast The Brotherhood men are; we’re firing back pictures of them at the gym. Because their standard is so high, these are men with families. They have kids, most of them not all, but most of them have kids. All of them are business owners. So we know that the constraints that go on a business owner and the time demands, right and most of them, are leaders in their community, either their church organization temple or what have you. A lot of them are also leaders in civic organizations. So their plates are full right and a lot of ways, yet they can maintain that standard and are always raising it. As such, they’re lifting everybody around them, including us as coaches. We’re not perfect; we’re striving and always peeling back a layer and, and taking getting a little better every single day. You and I get the ability to talk about that offline about our journeys. But the standards these men hold themselves to so high. When you look at that, my guess is most of the men who would listen to a podcast like this but haven’t stepped up into The Activation Method to go through the program. And have that the ability to give themselves that gift of transformation., they’re using an excuse of time or money, that’s my guess, anyway. But the truth is, it’s their standards. It’s their standards that are preventing them from stepping up to the plate. Stepping into the greatness that they know is there for them, they know, there’s more, they know, more for them, more for their family and the people around them, yet, their standards aren’t quite as high. One of the things I love about The Brotherhood is I’m tired or what have you. But you’re seeing everybody else’s standards so high, and everybody’s holding each other accountable. No one’s letting anybody slip. It just makes such an amazing community.
Tim Matthews 21:23
So true. It’s I think what he’s saying is true in terms of standards. I think unconscious commitments are another huge piece at play here., we went through that exercise on day one of The Alpha Reset, where we brought to light a lot of the unconscious commitments. These men didn’t even realize that a lot of those beliefs already in their lives. Yet, they didn’t understand why success was hard, and why they would avoid money that makes money and give it away, or they’d underpaid themselves, or that justify working long hours to have the money than desired. It was unconscious. It was something that just modeled on other people that it wasn’t working for them, hence them being at The Alpha Reset; they weren’t aware of those unconscious commitments. So to dive into that under the requisite is going to be fantastic. Also, what became very clear for those guys, as we drew out the one destination two paths, and then on there had the path of the lone wolf and the alpha wolf, they started to be able to self identify with the path of the lone wolf that they’ve been on buying into false beliefs that had been kind of pulled in them by society that being busy means that you’re successful—being busy means that you’re in demand—being busy means that you’re significant. As a result, they then found ways to keep themselves busy, even though it wasn’t working out for them again. The distinction there between the guys that then choose the path of the alpha wolf in The Brotherhood. Yes, their standards have raised, and they’re working fewer hours than they were before. Their standards have risen, and they’re more productive. So it’s not a case of raising your standards and having to push your foot on the gas even more. It’s about raising the standards, taking your foot off the gas, flying at a higher level, and allowing yourself to have more of the lifestyle you see other people live. You would like it as well.
Doug Holt 23:25
Yeah, and you’re to use it the analogy I like to use the most, we talk about standards, and I’m going to share this just for I’m trying to picture someone listening to this that is out there and knows there’s something greater for them. I use the heroin standard, right. So if I put heroin right in front of you, some heroines a needle and everything else. I said, take the heroin; most listeners, I’m going to guess, will say no, no, I wouldn’t do that. Now, even if they were drunk or intoxicated, or high or super tired, I could still put that heroin in front of them, and they still wouldn’t take it. That’s an absolute right. That’s a standard. What happens to what we talked about in The Brotherhood? And when guys graduate, The Alpha Reset, is what if we put that same level of standard, that heroin standard in other areas of your life? What if you had those? Heck, yes. Heck no, of course, we use other words there. I’m going to do that for the podcast if people are driving their kid’s standards in your life, in the area of your relationships, things you’re willing to do, and things you’re not willing to do or tolerate. But about your health., we talked about this. You and I talked about this the other day, and I’ll share more in another episode because it’s more prevalent, but what about your workouts? What if they were in the heroin standard or what you put in your body? Right?
I, for example, processed foods, what if that was in the same level as heroin to you and your standards, and so when you go to get your bag cookies are a bag of chips, instead of killing that bag of chips, that’s heroin for you, and you look at that, you’re like, no, I just don’t do that. I don’t eat that stuff, and I don’t put that into my body., that’s where the standards can come in. It doesn’t have to be at that extreme. But for some of us, and some men, it gets to be that extremely temporarily, to get to our goals. That’s a level of commitment that many men are making; it doesn’t require Tim more time. Right, it doesn’t necessarily require more money, either. It requires a mind shift, a mental shift within the leader within the alpha, who can make that shift mentally, let’s say what, I deserve more, my standard is to take care of myself first. Therefore, I can take care of my pack, my tribe, the people around me and start with sharpening the saw, which starts with working on myself. That’s why I applaud all these men. You and I play full out why we’re so tired afterward, these men that come to The Alpha Reset, that have never met each other they’ve gone through in an intensive eight-week online program. So they’ve been communicating via video and laughing and crying together and sharing their lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly. But, they go all in, because their standard is high of what’s acceptable to them at that point, as you said, they fly all from all over the world, to meet in a remote location, although a beautiful location, a remote location, and meet each other for the first time because they know that there’s something greater for them.
Tim Matthews 26:41
So true, so true. You see when all these guys are together, and, we take them through their morning routine to lead through a workout, the meditator the journal, we don’t impose anything on these guys doing well, that’s what I love about this, everything at The Alpha Reset is an invitation. They can do what they want with it. In complete transparency, one of the guys they sell for reset got too much for him by the end of day two, and he walked out. It was an exercise of day two. He walked out very, very home in a very humble manner. I want to give him credit for that didn’t kick up a force; it just the exercise, the final exercise was, I think he was afraid, and that’s okay; maybe it just wasn’t his time to experience that level of breakthrough., and that’s okay. It was the final exercise of day two., all the men who then stayed the course and went through it, obviously expressing how much of a shame it was that this guy was so close, so close. The program for the three days is designed in a way whereby he builds and builds and builds, their three is vision, because by the time you get to there, three, you see yourself in the world very, very differently, from what you permit yourself to dream about. Have and do and be, is very different. So what you permit yourself to dream about on day one. So everything is designed in a very methodical manner. This guy made it right until the end of the toughest day. He chose to opt-out. My point here is that everything is an invitation. Now we have our ideas of the level at which the men are performing art. However, we never impose it on the men, and we always let them judge for themselves whether or not they step into the line. It was so great to see how these men, with every invitation, increased their standards, increased the standards, increased the standards, and now returned home. It’s been almost a week since these guys have been home, five to seven days.
The results are still pouring in from these guys. It’s because, as we said, they’ve shifted the standard, they’ve shifted, as well, because of that, what they have permitted themselves to experience in their life. They’ve reprioritized what’s important to them, and they’ve come clean in certain areas of life where they will hide and have taken radical responsibility. Life is completely different right now. So it shouldn’t be that deserve it. They deserve it. Like we said a few moments ago, I’m excited for the journey ahead with these guys. We’ll see some of them in morocco in a few weeks. The Brotherhood event and I’m excited for the next group of men coming through; we’ve got another group starting very soon. They’ll be coming to The Alpha Reset in July in wales., Doug, I’m just, so I said this to you on the final night. I missed something you said to me; what have been your three highlights? And it was one highlight that I missed off there. That was hilarious. But I said it to you at dinner. Um, they’ll come a time in my life, when I look back on this period of my life with such fondness., this is somebody, the guys that were going through The Alpha Reset to set it to me, and I don’t know if this, but now, so many of them said to me, you’re doing god’s work this is god’s work, whatever god is that you follow. To hear that from this, this caliber of men some of them that are running for step positions, some of them that have been voted top entrepreneur in the wired magazine and so on some top men to hear that from them. To just reflect upon what these men have been through and their impact, it’s themselves and their family and their communities. Yeah, to look back on this, it’s just going to be you already are profound until back on it, I’ll be able to look back on this with a real deep sense of pride and fulfillment, knowing that this was time well spent.
Doug Holt 31:15
So true. Yeah, and we say god’s work, we had people of multiple religious face, faiths, everywhere, from atheists to Muslims, to devout Christians, to people who just believed in a spirit of some sort. To see them all come together and have an open dialogue. All of them say to you, and I heard that Tim said that what we’re doing is god’s work. What it was, it’s profound. I mean, people from all we had politicians, their industry leaders, and someone who owns a brick and mortar, right. So businessmen of all levels, playing the high game in their lives. That’s the most important thing. So, gentlemen, as you said, this, Tim, I think this will go out in time; I’m not sure if we’ll get this podcast. So guys, when you listen to this, I do apologize. But I do believe we have two more seats in there in the next activation method. So if that rings true for you, guys, that’s just an invitation to step forward. If anything, Tim and I said, rings true, we do have two more seats in this next one that is still available and open. They may be closed by the time you listen to this.
So I apologize if they are, but reach out. Again, it’s just an invitation here, as we go through. So, gentlemen, that’s a wrap for this episode. Tim, not what we plan on talking about this kind of way we roll. But it’s great to recap; there are so many more stories of these guys that I want to share because I think they are so applicable to the men around the world that listen to this and come through., I want to share their stories because you see these journeys of what’s possible, right. That’s just so inspiring and inspires us. I’m sure I hope that the listeners and inspires you as well. So guys until not until the next episode, we’ll see you go over to the Facebook group, go and post a comment, don’t be a wallflower, you’re not alone, the best way to be seen and to raise your standards is to step up and step into your power. So we’ll see you over in The Activation Method Facebook group. It’s a free group that we have over there. Of course, if anything we said resonates with you, I encourage you to step up and reach out and get on a phone, get on the phone with one of our coaches and just chat right and see if The Activation Method is the right place for you. Hopefully, I will get the chance to look into your eyes one on one and see the alpha the man you are and allow that leader to step forward, and you and I can have that moment. So until next time, we will see you later.
