SMV

Episode #299

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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt  0:00  

What is Tim’s worth? What is Amelia’s worth? Typically it’s talked about on a scale of one to 10. Amelia is a 10, and you’re a 10; it’s a no brainer. But when you look at where people are and the discrepancies, this causes many issues in marriages and relationships. There’s a large discrepancy, then there’s a gap, and people want to talk about this because “Oh! Physicality is not everything.” Well, it’s a lot. And there’s a lot of reasons for this from an anthropological and biological perspective of why this is. 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I’m your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim “The Powerful Man” Matthews. What’s going down, brother?

Tim Matthews  0:43  

I’m a bit grumpy.

Doug Holt  0:47  

Yeah, you’re fasting on day three. Day Three, I always find day three the toughest day.

Tim Matthews  0:53  

Yeah, for sure. Day one is easy, day two, you know? Oh, I woke up yesterday morning. I got lots of energy on day two. But yeah, day three today I’m thinking about is food. 

Doug Holt  1:09  

Well, yeah. That makes sense.

Tim Matthews  1:16  

That wasn’t happening yesterday or on day one. It wasn’t much of a thought, apart from I cooked Amelia’s Dinner. Dinner is my job. So I couldn’t simulate dinner; obviously, last night in the Monday didn’t enter my head much and last night. I was like, “Oh my, I wish I could just eat this.” Tonight. Yeah, it’s gonna be a test night. Today’s day three. So I wasn’t too sure I was gonna go for three days or five. But we’ll see

Doug Holt  1:44  

I get it. I have a sick child, is every father a parent knows. Man, it was just up all night. And it always takes me a long time to fall back asleep. I haven’t checked my Oura ring. But I’m sure it says something like, “go back to sleep,” basically. It makes it always a little bit tougher when you have that. But it’s part of the game. It’s part of the game, you sign up for kids, or even if you don’t sign up for kids, you got them. Sick kids are part of the deal, and we brought them into bed, and I’m not a cuddler, and the little dude just kicked my back, and I was like, “Okay, it’s 3 am I’m just gonna get up, make coffee”, and get to it. And call it, call it a day. Well, awesome, Tim. Today, one of the things that I want to talk about or put onto the table is the concept of SMV. Sexual Market Value. Now, we’ve talked about this. You and I have talked about this before. And so, with the SMV coming through, it is something that we want to look at. Tim, are you still there? There you go. 

Tim Matthews  2:55  

Yeah. 

Doug Holt  2:55  

Got you back. You’re paused there for a second. I  was like, “So I was like, Oh, wait, we stop?”. Let’s roll with this. So SMV and I wrote a post about this. And I think it’s exciting. So I see this happen quite often. I was talking to my wife about it last night and going through it. So the concept of SMV or the Sexual Market Value, I’m going to give people a little bit of background on this. So your sexual market value is like your stock. It’s like a stock; what is the value that you are worth or represent in the marketplace, sexually. Right, if you were to go out on your own, so I know you and Amelia would never go out on your own. But if you would, what is Tim’s worth or what is Amelia’s worth, and typically, it’s talked about on a scale of one to 10. So obviously, Amelia is a 10, you’re a 10, it’s a no brainer. But when you look at where people are and the discrepancies, this causes many issues in marriages and relationships. Because if there’s a large discrepancy, and I’ll go into more detail on how this is formulated, if there’s a large discrepancy, then there’s a gap. And people don’t like to talk about this. Because “Oh, it’s physicality, not everything.” Well, it’s a lot. From an anthropological and biological perspective, there are many reasons why this is now for women, almost exclusively for women. It’s all physicality, right the physical looks or what their sexual market value is right what their number is. You can spend a lot of science behind this on what is the perfect figure, the perfect body, that space between the eyes, the nose, the lips, you’ve seen this before. Also, if a woman has big breasts, she usually can bear children or feed kids, so she’s very fertile. Hip to waist ratio I can birth the kid with a kid path past the birth canal. All these things are reasons we’re attracted to certain physical traits with a woman coming through. So a woman gets hers based on her physicality and her age as well, right. Men are innately attracted to younger women, typically bell-shaped curve stuff. But because they’re more fertile, right? For example, on the SMV scale, a typical, let’s say, a 26-year-old woman who, compared to her peers at 26, is a six on the scale. Now she goes to a bar, this 26-year-old who’s a six, and she goes to a bar, and it’s a bunch of 60-year-olds, men and women, she is automatically pretty much an eight, right coming in there. If it’s all singles, even if the 60-year-old woman is looking smoking hot, she automatically goes up a few rungs because she’s younger. The. The real reason is from a biological perspective because it signals to everybody that she’s more fertile. And we don’t talk about that in a cultural sense. For men, it’s a little different. Right? Men’s physicality is still super important, the way we look, right? And the ideal male body is supposedly close to like the sculpture of David, the mike Michelangelo did, but also what comes into play is social status. Because if we have a higher social status, we think back into the savanna right when we were tribesmen, social status meant we could get more things, get help from others, etc., our survival rate was better. But then also money, right? Because we can protect people, we can protect our families. Money buys a lot. We can provide food during hard times, etc. And then physical strength. So not just a static look, having six-pack abs, but also the ability to defend the physicality, the strength, you can defend against another male attacker, the better chance if you go to war, you’re not going to get maimed, if a lion comes into the camp, a stronger man has a better chance that a weaker man and a woman with kids don’t want to take care of a man that’s been maimed in war by a lion she wants someone’s gonna protect her. So all of these things play into this bowl. It’s called the sexual market value, your SMV. So, before I dive into more of this, what are your thoughts so far?

Tim Matthews  7:05  

Suppose I was a woman and surrounded myself with a certain type of woman. I mean, it reminds me of hypergamy feeds into that idea. It is kind of beneath hypergamy. Because hypergamy is a little bit more about what women look for. And if you’re ticking these boxes, and obviously by default, your stock price, if you will go as well, the market value goes up. It’s interesting because I think for guys, I guess social status can have slightly ticked this box. I think for guys, yeah, they might think the body piece, I think, for the most part, their thing for financial peace, which is important. But I think more important is the ability to provide in other ways for the women. Still, as you say, if you’ve got the social status anywhere, you might then assume that you’re successful to a degree, quote, unquote, professionally, but for women, I hear this every day I want to talk to the guys. Like Tim, she’s got everything she wants. I’ve gone out there, and she doesn’t have to work. She can go anywhere we want in the world, we have a lake house, we’ve built our dream house, we’ve got to start listing off all these different possessions. I’ve done this for us, this is our dream, but really, it’s often the guys’ dream. The woman often says, Look, I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about all this stuff. I want her doesn’t say this, but she wants her emotional needs met. Right. And part of those is physical strength and safety and the other things that will feed into that.

Doug Holt  8:52  

Yeah, I think there’s a lot of factors that go into this. And so there’s a couple of things that come up with what you’re saying. And then I want to go back to another point. But I think initially many women are impressed by men we think we need to provide financially and because we all know the stories, right? And I’m a believer that when you have, most generalities are true. For example, white guys can’t dance. So just as an example, but when you think about it when you think about a rich man and a hot young woman, you think, “ah, he’s got money,” of course. Right? Don’t you think much of it? It’s not like oh, no, no, no. She’s with him because he’s spiritual. Oh, no, no, no, you think he’s got money? Well, you think that because it happened a lot when I lived in Santa Barbara, California. We saw it all the time. Whether it be women come in with sugar daddies and the guys being open to it. Some websites do this. We can find sugar daddies right there dating sites, and I knew one woman on it, specifically finding a rich man, at which she did. So my point being is that it still is an issue. But one of the things I’ve noticed, and when I started going into this with one of the guys, is I started to look back through the two decades I’ve been coaching people. And I started looking at relationship issues with men who were complaining about their wives and their wives who have had emotional affairs or affairs, or it just was interested in sex. And I started looking at it as more of a long game type situation scenario. And again, just through my head, it’s not got a spreadsheet or anything. And one of the things I noticed about him as I started ranking people on their SMV, right, or what they thought, what I think they thought their SMV was in the real world. And one guy comes to mind in particular, a lawyer, very successful lawyer, but very out of shape guy, kind of funny, but his social status was probably a five on the SMV. His wife, his new bride, was probably an eight or nine. And when there’s a gap that big, there’s a wedge that a vacuum that gets created, when this is where I love you, but I’m not in love with you, things come up a lot. And I started to see this as a trend when I started to look back at what the guys would say. And when they would talk about their relationships. And they would talk about what was going on for them in these relationships. Right. And so the idea here is if I’m going to use you and Amelia as an example, and I’ll let you guys rate yourself if you want to, but let’s say you and Amelia are both 10s, of course, but let’s say hypothetically, you’re both eights, right? In this hypothetical theory, and I know I’m dancing on thin ice here. That’s all good; let’s say Amelia is a 9, and you’re an 8. Okay, still good, or vice versa. But if you’re a 7, and Amelia is a 9, there’s too much gap there. What’s going to happen in this scenario? You’re seven, and Amelia is a 9, is that Amelia is going to notice that there’s a gap? That’s where hypergamy comes in. She’s gonna be looking to upgrade, but also Tim, I know, because you and I’ve had conversations about this, that you’ve observed this, other men start to notice that guy’s playing too high, right. They start to step in, and they start to flirt with a guy’s wife, the guy’s girlfriend, because they know that they have a higher sexual value. So, in other words, if another eight or that guy have an eight or nine comes in, again, you’re a six and Amelia is a 9, in this scenario, or an eight, whatever, if another guy of a higher SMV comes in, he will start flirting with your wife, even unconsciously, because he knows that you’re not you’re playing way above the field that you should be playing on. 

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And so this is where it gets exciting. And I was looking back again at the men we serve and other guys who go through this through the program. And we’ve talked about this SMV coming up time and time again, and I think we can get out of this. Where are you on your rank? What would your stock be? And your stock varies between locations, right? Now I’ll give myself a six. But if I was in Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara was never out of shape like that. I moved here, I was like a beer, pizza, yum. It was just a different aesthetic norm, but if I was going back to Santa Barbara now, be like a four, right? So it’s just different, where you go through it and worry but you can go to some other place in the world and all of a sudden you could be a nine. So it depends on your environment as well. But when you look at your partner, where’s your partner? This often happens when a man starts working out a lot and taking care of his health. Usually, the woman will step in line and do the same. Or if she doesn’t, he starts looking elsewhere: the secretary, the barista at Starbucks, or the girl at the gym, and that’s where the affair starts to slip in because that gap happens. Right? But it’s also going the other way. And we hear this a lot where guys are so focused on business and killing it at work and bringing it into money. They’re out hunting, come home and start drinking or whatever there’s not taking care of their health or themselves. But their wife is working out. She’s doing Pilates, what have you. She’s taking care of herself first and health second, which becomes a gap, and that gap becomes too late; there becomes a vacuum that creates a space for another man to step into. 

Tim Matthews  15:18  

I mean, look, it’s inevitable. There’s gonna be gaps at times. Right? For sure. There’s a mission to try to say, yeah, we could permit me. Sorry, I moved into a new place, and the connections are gonna be crappy right now. Sorry, guys. But anyway.

Doug Holt  15:49  

Yeah, we’re losing you here. So I’m gonna jump in and talk about a drink that there are times when there are gaps, right? And there are times when gaps happen. And that’s okay. When frequently, even if the gap is big. So using my buddy, who became my friend, the guy mentioned, who’s a lawyer. Okay, my buddy is his wife and stayed with him for religious reasons. This all panned out for him; he took control of his health, we worked together, and he got his body everything great, right? His SMV went up like a stock, you invest in a business, and you invest time, capital resources, etc., and working with him, his SMV jumped high up towards hers was maybe even a little bit above, because he’s on the upward trend. She was there naturally. But he’s working on it. So he’s got growth behind him. And that’s what a lot of it’s another thing, guys, and your SMV goes up if you’re working on it. For example, if you’re six or seven, you have to be real with yourself. You’re a six or a seven, but you’re at the gym, and you’re doing personal development. And maybe you’re working on your business, and you may be perceived as eight or nine, because people are forward-thinking like, wait, Tim’s hitting it hard. He’s working on his personal growth, and he’s working on his development; he’s going to be higher, right? That’s, that’s a stock you want to invest in. Because it’s a growing stock, right, you’re gonna get more value out of it. It’s the same thing with SMV, right. And this, the same thing goes for the women when you talk to them, and they may stay with their man because of marital vows, religious reasons, but that’s where you get again, we hear this a lot, but we hear it often is, my wife says, I love you. But I’m not in love with you. And a lot of this comes out, guys, between not knowing how to use the Hidden Motives Technique, the Live Like A King system, and the Alpha Rise and Shine. Those three put together, right, really, really add to this right, you’re going to raise your SMV by doing any one of those. And we start guys off when they come through The Activation Method. We start them off the whole host of things; one of the things that we’re introducing is a scale where guys can self evaluate themselves in terms of their fitness. Right? And your self evaluates; there’s a whole list of things you can do. And then you have ranked just like martial arts, are you a white belt, a blue belt, black or red belt? And they can list themselves through a host of batteries. And then how do you raise that? So we’re giving them a path and the alpha Rise and shine, guys, this is your morning routine. Right? Part of that is getting attuned right and getting your mind right. Part of that is getting your fitness. That right there is going to bump up your SMV, the hidden motives technique. Suddenly, you’re able to communicate in a way that’s far superior to the 99.9% of the men out there in the world. Boom, huge jump in your SMV. Because also for a guy, it’s how good of a father and a husband you are. Right? that contributes to your SMV. Just think back like in your 20s, if you were the guy that was playing with the kids, even though he didn’t have kids, all the other women were watching you, and he’s gonna be a good father. If you were the kind of guy like odd kids, get away from me. Yeah, it didn’t work. Right? Sure the bad boys would have the one-night stands, but the women were off biologically; they’re looking for someone to exchange DNA with right at the end of the day to procreate. These factors all come in when you have them here, in the Live Like A King system. Like you have to have these things in place to rise like a stock. Tim, you and I do, and we often talk about investing in the stock market. After all, I like to invest in businesses because I can jump into the business if there’s a problem and do something about it. I can add my skills and expertise to help raise the value of a business. So if I buy a business at a low point, but I see the value going up, I can contribute to it. It’s the same thing in a relationship. If your wife can see that you’re working on yourself, you’re in a program to better yourself as a man; you’re exercising, taking care of your health. Self-first health, right? You’re going through these things. Your SMV automatically is going to go up. That attraction goes up. And these are all important things.

Tim Matthews  20:14  

Yeah, for sure.

Doug Holt  20:17  

Unfortunately, Tim, you’re cutting in and out, man. Modern-day issues, modern-day issues.

Tim Matthews  20:26  

Yeah. 

Doug Holt  20:26  

Hey guys, I’m gonna round this up. Because this is a topic I have seen coming in and coming out, we’re gonna be writing about more of this. If you’re on the email list, you’ll see some of this stuff coming out where we can give you guys some tips on what you can do. But if you notice that if you look at it, and you’re sincere, look at your SMV, you rate your wife, don’t tell her her number. By the way. If you rate your wife and you rate yourself, what would your wife get right now? on the open market? You how guys are, I mean, come on. I have a buddy of mine who says any port in a storm. If there’s a storm, his sexual life, any port will work. Right? So what would your wife get on the open market? And what would you get? What’re the honest terms here? Now, if you have more than a two-point gap, a two-point or more gap, you got a problem? Either way, you’ve got a problem because you’re going to start straying, or she is. If you’re honest with yourself, what I’ve found is most guys rate themselves one to two points higher than they are. One to two points higher than they are. And it’s that it’s a joke, but you see this all over the place. A woman looks in the mirror. That’s super hot. She sees a fat ugly woman. A fat guy looks in the mirror, and he sees a buff, studly dude. Right. So, men, we tend to overrate ourselves. Whatever number you give yourself, guys, be honest, take it down a couple of notches. And see if there’s a gap. The second thing, take immediate action, get into the Alpha Rise and Shine, your morning routine, get into a workout program, get into a personal growth program, whether it be The Activation Method, which obviously, I’m biased. Still, I’m only biased because I think it’s the best program out there. And I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say that it would be a disservice. But get into something, do something to raise your stock, raise your value. Look, your wife, your kids, your friends, they’re investing time and energy into your love into you. Are they getting a return on their investment? Right? Are they going to get a return? You want to make sure they do that? Think of it that way? Guys, it’s analytical. Most of us, if we’re business leaders, we’re investing all the time, whether it be in the markets, whether it be in our business, let’s start investing in ourselves and take that time. Guys, what I want you to do is rate your wife, don’t tell her, rate yourself, see if there’s a gap, and then take immediate action not only to fill that gap but exceed it, right? Be a point ahead. And why not? We’re leaders. We’re alphas; we want to rise and keep rising together. So, gentlemen, that is a wrap for us today at The Powerful Man show. As always, we ask you to invite you; if it’s your first time, go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus. That’s ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus, and pick up a free training. And of course, if you’ve been with us for a while, I mean a lot to myself and Tim personally if you go ahead and leave us an honest review on iTunes, Stitcher, YouTube, or wherever you’re watching this. So guys, have an amazing week. Remember, always take action in the moment and insight. We’ll see you next time on the power man show.