Episode #30
In this episode, Doug and Tim discuss the importance of finding and making happiness instead of money.
Every day, we are pushing ourselves so hard to make more money and enjoy life in the next few years. And yet, to truly enjoy life, you need to know what will really make you happy. More often than not, it is NOT the money but the experience that will sustain happiness.
Happiness is doing what you want to do and finding purpose in what you do. If you are happy, you will be able to appreciate the simple things around you. You will feel grateful for what you have and feel at peace within who you are. Instead of focusing on making money to prepare and enjoy life in the future, we should focus on experiencing happiness now, not tomorrow, not when we have the money or when we lose weight.
In Doug’s coaching experience, he has observed thousands of happy business people become more productive and make more money. If you are happy and light, people want to be around you, and more people means a larger network, and larger networks will help your business make more money.
In this episode you will learn :
1. The importance of making happiness instead of money.
2. That happiness is an important key to make more money.
3. The importance of doing what you want.
4. Finding happiness in the simple things that you have.
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Episode Transcript
Tim Matthews 0:02
You can do a lot of cool things with money. But what if the things that you do never land with you? We see that so often, guys that run multi-million dollar companies, manage billions in assets, can do cool things. They can do whatever they want when one becomes a point where the money is not enough. It can be a cool tool for a time. That’s all; it is a tool.
Doug Holt 0:30
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, how’s it going, brother?
Tim Matthews 0:42
Awesome. When he said to Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews in my head, the crowd goes wild every time.
Doug Holt 0:52
I was trying not to laugh.
Tim Matthews 0:56
Every time is so funny.
Doug Holt 0:58
Well, I’ll be your hype man. When we go on tour, which is something The Powerful Man we’re talking about, we get many requests for speaking engagements. And the next one, I’ll be your height man on stage before you come on.
Tim Matthews 1:09
Yeah, that’d be so cool.
Doug Holt 1:12
Well, Tim, the topic for this conversation is one that comes up a lot. And when I say it comes up a lot, it’s not what men are talking about. Right? This is the conversation behind the conversation. And what I mean by that this is the unsaid men are going for one thing, right? In this case, it’s money. No surprise there. It’s usually money or sex. But in this case, it’s money. And really, what they want is happiness. So the topic for today is to make happiness, not money.
Tim Matthews 1:45
Wow. Well, great topic. I wonder who wrote that one down? I would love to meet that person who wrote that one down.
Doug Holt 1:53
Well, I’m reading your topic list here, my friend. And it is a great topic and one that comes up a lot. The guys come up with them. I’m reading your list. But as soon as I read this, the topic makes happiness, not money. Right away, I’m like, “Wow. we get so many people,” and rightfully so that want to do better in business. And that’s one of our specialties. Right? We’ve been successful. Most of our coaches have run seven-plus figure businesses, and they know how to run business. But we also know or should say, and we also know that many of the men who come to us are in turmoil because they want to make money. Because that will make them happy. Right? And they don’t realize that happiness and money. Although money can, you can do a lot of cool things with money. Let’s call it what it is. But they don’t necessarily always correlate, right.
Tim Matthews 2:50
Yeah, well, completely. I mean, you can do a lot of cool things with money. But what if the things that you do never land with you? We see that so often, guys that run multi-million dollar companies that have billions manage billions in assets. They can do cool things. They can do what they want when they want. But that becomes a point that doesn’t look new. For many people who kind of play in that realm, there comes the point where the money is not enough and can be a cool tool for a time. That’s all it is. It’s a tool. And even if you let’s say so, my dad, for example. And one of the things that I imagine, I’m guessing here, if you’re listening, dad, let me know. I know he listens to the episodes, which is cool. But anyway, one of the things I imagine that he would love to do is go and go to Formula One. As I’m playing this, I have in mind it’s getting more and more extravagant. I’ll say the most extravagant version of this will be to follow a Formula One around the world go to, let’s say six races out of the calendar, or even more than that, and fly there I fly first class. They can go in the paddock, be there with the drivers, do all of that kind of experience, which would be awesome.
And I’d love to give that to him and enjoy that too. However, let’s say that I’m able to do that, and we do it. But I am either not present with the experience because I’m thinking about something else. Or the experience doesn’t land on me because I just whatever story is going on inside me. I’m just not feeling it. It’s just not landing; there’s a whole host of stories that could be going on, but regardless, whatever it is, it’s just not landing. And what then happens is I might then think, well may have been the experience I’ve had this experience up to be something huge and grand for me; my dad and I didn’t quite land. Okay, maybe I’ll try this one. And this one’s going to be a hot air balloon ride over in Africa during the Great Migration. All Yeah, that’s going to be the one I’ll take them on that hill of Safari loves that too. I’m going to do that, and I’ll go for that one. We’ll do that, don’t land. Money is great, it can give you options, and it can be at all, but at the same time, my wife and I just went camping with my dad and just hung out with him in the middle of nature for a weekend around a campfire, and just really connected and chatted. And he landed. When it is great, and I’m not saying to go and retire to the Himalayas and be a monk. I’m not saying that. I love money, I do. I love money in a very healthy way. But it’s not the answer. It’s not about the money at all. It isn’t about money. It never was. It never is.
Doug Holt 6:18
Yeah. Well, as I hear you said, Tim, you’re so right. And I gotta I also can’t help but hear your dad going No, no, no camping fun but let’s connect and go to the races. You are so true, and it’s the “and.” I can’t help it into this conversation without that famous study that was done. And it was science and research that revealed, on average, when you look at emotional satisfaction. Life satisfaction for emotional well being, that’s $60,000 to $75,000. That’s it. After that, it doesn’t increase that much. And then when they did the science, they said great. “Happiness can still increase, but after about 125,000 a year, there’s no big contract”. Right? And I know some listeners are going, well wait, whoa, I want 125,000 a year, I can handle that. And I get that. And yes, that’s something you should work up to. But for those men that are listening to makeover 125,000. We all know that the increase in life satisfaction based on making more money is minuscule. It’s minuscule, and I joke about buying things. Remember, when’s the first time you came out to visit me when I was living in Bend, Oregon.
What did I do? I spent like $4,000 on a drone that we never really used. It kind of that general dumb idea of like, “Oh, this will be a cool toy,” right? We buy toys, and we spend money we shouldn’t spend. That’s another conversation altogether. But the point being is after a certain price point. It isn’t happiness. What is happiness? What makes you happy? I talked to my wife about this last week, and we’re talking about fun things. And she’s like, “Well, what do you want to go do right now?” You know what, “I just want to go shoot hoops. I want to play some basketball”. I want to find a court, shoot some baskets. Suppose I get to play a game, great. But really, I want to shoot baskets. And she’s like, “We have a basketball downstairs.” Right? That basketball was a loner. Didn’t cost us any money. Of course, we could afford a new basketball, no problem there. But you’re looking at experiences. And things that people want and what makes you happy. And odds are, it’s not the money. When you chase the money, that’s when you’re going to find really a lack of a scarcity mindset. And probably comparing yourself, you’re going to say, “Geez, I don’t make as much money as Doug does.” So I’m less than him, or I’m less than someone else, or I’m less than whatever it may be. That’s not the case. Right? What is it that makes you happy?
Tim Matthews 9:04
Yeah, and what, whatever is what makes you happy. That’s good enough. So often, we won. So often, we speak to men. First and foremost, just as I said a minute ago, I hold back from saying what they want. Because hugely, it’s not extravagant. Usually, quite honestly. It almost always comes back to love. It does. I spoke to one of the guys in The Brotherhood today, and he was coming up with his goals. They were struggling with his relationship goals. And what it all came back to was he wants to renew his wedding vows with his wife.
Doug Holt 9:52
Oh, man,
Tim Matthews 9:53
Once you know how phenomenal it is that he now has overcome a lot of the old behaviors that took a toll on his marriage and himself, he wants to renew his wedding vows in this new space and a new guy that he is, which in all truth is just the guy’s always been. It’s just not the guy who always let himself be. It does; it always comes back to love. It does. And I think often the men hold back from saying it because I don’t want it to sound stupid. And I think as well, in just getting real, that is love. They realize I’ve been so dumb. It can be effortless, and I can have it today. But it’s so easy to lose sight of that it’s so easy to think that it’s the money in the house. And it reminds me of a conversation with Curtis on the podcast. So we’ll dive deep into it. But on to The Alpha Reset. One of the men there really got to the point where I thought it was his marriage or business. And he was sharing how his wife was the happiest and felt the most secure when they had the least money. But he thought that he must have to provide financially. So, as a result, I worked and worked and worked, thinking it was building the family’s dream when, in reality, it wasn’t. It was just building his dream.
Doug Holt 11:34
I mean, so it happens so often, right? When we see it, my story too, Tim. I did this. I lived in Santa Barbara, California, in my 20s as a business owner, I had three companies. I’ve always been a little crazy. And one of my businesses allowed me to work with extremely successful and wealthy people. And you can’t help but have that comparison. Right of going, “Okay, I’m not there yet. I’m not successful yet.” I remember one day vividly remembering this, of talking to this gentleman, who I’m going to guess his net worth was somewhere in the hundred million categories. Right? He’s very wealthy. And I’m working with them and doing some coaching. And he tells me, “Doug, you’re living the dream.” I look at him, just puzzled, like, wait a minute, do you have the dream, right? You drive a nice car, and you have a family. You got multiple homes around the world. Working with me isn’t cheap, and you’re doing it regularly. And he’s like, No, you have a dream. I want what you have. You do what you love. You’re following your passions.
You go on adventures, and he started listing a couple of things down that I do. But yet, Tim, I was taking it all for granted. Right? I was looking at this comparative analysis of me versus that person, in one sub sliver, right, just money as a metric, but not looking anywhere else. And truth be told, yes, they made all this money. Yes. He was extremely wealthy. But he wasn’t satisfied. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t doing what he wanted to do. And in his eyes, he waited too late. In his eyes, it was over for him. He had already played the game of life. And although he wanted the money game, he didn’t win the life game in his eyes at that time. And like you and I talked about so often, he didn’t have that back pocket free life that you get in video games. That’s no cheat code. To him, it was roughly downhill from there, which is an outlook he had at the time, right. But the point of this whole story is when I saw that I had a paradigm shift and started appreciating the things around me. I became happier. And ironically, Tim, my income went up too, which is funny.
Hey, guys, I want to interrupt this episode because I want to talk to you about something important. We put together a case study on how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives, their 4x in the business revenues, and they’re having more connected intimate sex, all without sacrificing their relationships or their health by using The Activation Method. Now, many of you have contacted us, and they want to know how they’re doing it. We put together this short 11-minute case study just for you. So you can see how these entrepreneurs are achieving this level of success. To get this case study, all you have to do is go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus Yep, that’s one. And you can get the case study right now. All right, it’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.
Tim Matthews 15:00
Isn’t it because, at that point, you don’t care a great deal if I can kind of II do in the sense that you’re running a business, and you know, you’re leading it and all the rest of it. But you don’t need the income to either air proof something about yourself or be by something to feel certain where because you feel grateful. A peace within who you are, you then start to take pleasure from the smallest things walking outside, fill in the warmth of the sun on your skin here in the sound of the birds feeling the wind, seeing the trees, and it might sound a little bit woo-woo or whatever else. But it’s always been the case for me, and I remember one of the most profound moments of my life. And it was in between when I had moved the fitness business online. The Powerful Man hadn’t come about by this point. But I was in a real period of transition at it. I left that relationship that I was in prior, got rid of the business partner, got rid of the offices, and started to do life my way for the first time, just about trusting myself. That’s all it was; it was about honoring my gut instinct and going with it and simplifying my lifestyle because, before that, I was very much worth it. Well, not very much; I was working 16 hours a day. Fast forward to this most profound moment, go into the habit of going for a walk in nature every morning for 30 minutes. And the more I did it, and the more I was present with it, I didn’t have my phone on me or anything. I just there was presently going through the woods, and you guys would call it a forest.
Doug Holt 16:53
We still got the woods.
Tim Matthews 16:55
Okay. And with the amount of peace that I used to experience doing this, it got quite addictive. And I’d find myself just taking breaks throughout the day to go and into the woods and walk up and follow through. And there was this one time when I walked into the woods, and I don’t know what was going on in my life or what was happening that day. I just felt this absolute sense of oneness and connection. Kurama is standing; I’m doing it now as I’m speaking, my eyes are closed. I’m standing both feet, hands wide open, breath in, and I’m standing down in the middle of the woods listening to the birds, and I can feel the birds with all the noises in the tweets; the song goes feeling the energy from them. I could feel the pulse from the trees. It was just Ah, it was just the most amazing, amazing feeling I have ever had. Or one of the most amazing feelings I’ve ever had. Eyes welled up, and tears came down; my face wasn’t uncontrollably sobbing or anything. But it was a very profound moment, and I’ll never forget that I’ve not ever experienced anything quite like that, since that level of just connection and oneness. But it was profound. There were no psychedelics involved, and there was no alcohol, there was nothing. I was eating clean. At that time, I was working out; I was living a straightforward life. At that point, I moved back home with my parents. I didn’t move into that house, and I was supposed to move into it after the wedding. Simplified the business, quite honestly, at that point. I had fewer possessions wise, and my income has taken a dip than I had ever really had. And I felt the most at peace than I ever had. It was a phenomenal experience.
Doug Holt 18:58
It’s amazing. Imagine the people listening to this too. If they were to think back about the times you’ve been the happiest. And I’m talking about the happiest for 30 seconds or a minute, like when you unwrap a drone package, right? I’m talking about sustained happiness, right where it’s been for you felt that peace you felt well with yourself and truly happy. My guess is those memories aren’t exactly tied to money. And maybe you’re on a trip, and there’s some money involved in that, and you know, you got to pay rent to eat. And I’m practical, so I get that. But the moments where you felt pleased and at peace or if I said, hey look, let’s do something fun together. Right, But don’t worry about what I want to do. What do you want to do? It could be a walk through the woods or something along those lines, which is something you and I enjoy doing together. Those don’t require a lot of money or, if any money at all, yet this hustle mentality, we call it the debt one destination two paths, Right and the left side you have the hustler who is one of the people. On the right side, you have the person who’s made it, what we call The Powerful Man. And the hustler on that left side is hustling to fulfill something that’s inside of them to fill the void. But there, they’re missing the point, really, and they’ve lost where fun and actuality are. Until you know, you listen to this until you figure out what happiness for you is? What is it that you do enjoy? And what does that lifestyle cost you? Both in money, but also in time, right? Does the opportunity cost?
You know, opportunity costs, right? It’s that analogy. If you’re hustling, right? I’m hustling, and I’m hustlin’, I’m working my butt off. I’m working, you know, 10 hour days, six to seven days a week, which is not uncommon. Right? So then I can spend more time with my family and a couple of years. You do it now? Why don’t you do it now? Tomorrow is not guaranteed, as we all know, right? You’ll plan for tomorrow, of course, but it’s not guaranteed. But where’s your happiness? Now? You get, and you deserve happiness now, not tomorrow, not when you have the money, that when you lose the weight, or whatever else it is, but focus on making happiness, not on making money. I can also guarantee you from my coaching experience that thousands of business people, different industries, are happy in your business, and you will be more productive. You will make more money, hands down. Think of every business situation you’ve been in when you go in stressed. When you go in with anxiety, when you go into higher depression, it’s harder. It’s a struggle when you go carefree and happy. Right? This is a gross analogy, of course. But when you go happy, and you’re happy, you’re light. People want to be around you; it’s an energy, it’s a vibration of tracks. And one of the things that attract more money, right? More customers, higher pay, right? They want to be around you, and they want to be in your presence. And because unfortunately, happiness can be rare in our society. Alright, the news cycle is designed to keep you down. Right? But happiness isn’t. To give these guys a couple of take-home points. I’m sorry I’m interrupting you. I want to hear what you have to say. But I want to give these guys a couple of take-home points of things they can do. You know, they find themselves like, you know, crap, I’m in the hustle of chasing money. And I truly know, in the heart of hearts, that’s not the right path. What are some things that they could do right now?
Tim Matthews 22:35
You can do some things right now to create time in your diary within your day, to do nothing to be on your own, without an agenda, without anywhere to be without anyone to please. And in that time, be with whatever comes up, be with whatever it is you then want to do. You want to shoot hoops, shoot hoops, or just lay down on a field. And then the middle of the day in the sun does that. If you want to go and go to the gym if you want to go in whatever it is you want to do, reconnect with that instinct that’s within you. That has been communicating to you all along. But you’ve maybe not listened to it as much as you either would like to or could. Because just by simply reconnecting to that and giving yourself the space to do that and following it and honoring it. The more you do it, the stronger it will get more muscle; it’s like a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger it becomes. And from there, that will hope you translate into you making some changes in your life and how you offer it. Because in my experience and an experience of working with many, many, many, many men. Once you do this, you start to see the other side of the coin and see life for what it is and how much fulfillment and enjoyment you can get out of it. And more than likely, you’re then going to start to shift your day around and shift your standards and priorities. Your priorities will most likely shift away from the business being number one to your happiness being number one. You’ll then organize your day around that first and foremost, and business can fit in around it. The other thing I’d say on this is to listen to the podcast episode, setting your business up to serve your life instead of your life serving your business because again, in that one, we’ll touch on some aspects which will help you with this as well.
Doug Holt 24:47
Awesome. Hey guys, I would also tell you that, on top of that, make sure to list down ten things that make you happy. So you know what they are because I know I hate him. Is it almost stupid admitting this? At least I feel stupid. Is there a time when someone asks me something like, “Well, what do you want to do? What makes you happy?” I was like, “Well, I don’t know! Leave me alone!” But what makes you happy? What is it that makes you happy? Right? What is it you enjoy doing? Make that list? And then what’s the cost? Another thing I’ll ask you guys. And this is very rarely done. I don’t think I can think of one time when I’ve asked this and got a real number; you get round numbers, which aren’t real, like, Oh, you know, 10,000. But what does it cost for you to live your life? What’s that? What’s the price tag on that? Rent, electricity, if you don’t know, you’re just guessing, which causes struggle, causes anxiety, which then perpetuates into the hustle mode, where you need more money. But what if the truth is, maybe you need a little bit more money to live this ideal lifestyle, you want to live to be happy. But maybe you have enough, and you’re chasing a demon or something that’s, you don’t know the answer. You don’t know how much money it costs to run your life, run your household. Right, you need to take back that power around money and finances and take back the power around your happiness. Well, guys, that’s a-gonna wrap for us and another episode of The Powerful Man show. I want to know what makes you happy. So go over to The Activation group Facebook page. It’s a group page that’s there just for men like you. And please post a comment and let us know what makes you happy. I want to know what your list is. And I want you to share this with other men because I guarantee as you listen to this, a few people like, Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Oh, yeah, that’s a good one. And then also, if we get you guys posted over there, maybe I can talk to him by playing some hoops when he comes out here to the states the next time. They will do a Facebook Live on that one. All right, for that, Tim and I, we will talk to you next time. Have an amazing day.
