How to Seduce Your Wife

Episode #48

In this episode, Tim and Doug share some ways they are seducing their partners. 

As the man, you should be the one to take the lead and make your partner feel seen and desired. But…how exactly can you do that? This is a topic that comes up often at The Alpha Reset.

The first key is that you should know your partner’s love language and give her love the way she wants to receive it…not just the way you like to give it. Prioritize spending quality time with her and make her feel provided for emotionally by the man she loves (you).

Focus on making her feel special by doing the things that will make her happy regardless if you don’t get anything in return. This shows that you are doing it out of commitment and a desire to uphold your role as a man in the relationship.

In this episode, we dive into the trap many men fall into…the transactional relationships. Seducing your partner shouldn’t be transactional but should be purely out of love. Showing both your strength AND vulnerability to your partner will make her feel more secure…deepening your connection on every level.

In this episode you will learn:

  1. Ways to seduce your wife
  2. The importance of seduction being done purely out of love
  3. What a transactional relationship is
  4. How to make your partner feel desired
  5. Your role as a man


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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt  0:02  

In general, we exchange value. That’s not what love is. That’s not a relationship, a  good quality, romantic relationship. I do it because I love my wife. I love her as a person. I love her as a human being having a human experience. As such, I’m willing to do things for hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim “The Powerful Man”, Matthews. Tim, how’s it going, brother?

Tim Matthews  0:37  

Very well, off the back of recording two very fun, interesting, and enlightening podcast episodes with you, sir. I love our conversations. You’re looking very still on this one, and he must have stopped your glute work, which is always looking at the band he is if he always picks the bundle—always doing the club bells.

Doug Holt  0:57  

I’ve been doing club bells was not distract you last time. Awesome.

Tim Matthews  1:02  

So, Doug, I have a question for you. Oh, do I have permission to ask you this question?

Doug Holt  1:09  

Yeah, hit me.

Tim Matthews  1:10  

How do you seduce your lovely wife?

Doug Holt  1:12  

Ah, great question. Great question. So I can tell you the way I do it or the ideal way. And in full transparency?

Tim Matthews  1:10  

Is it the both? Or both the same friend.

Doug Holt  1:29

And it’s embarrassing to admit, especially in public. I am a work in progress, like everybody. I could do a better job of seducing my wife. It’s something I think about. It’s something that unfortunately falls through the cracks more than I’d like to admit. But let me tell you how I do it. I’ll go into also I’m happy to go into more detail on how I would like to do it further and take it further.

Tim Matthews  1:57


Doug Holt  1:59

So first, it starts, Tim, you should know some background. I know my wife’s love language because it’s not mine. If you’re not familiar with love languages, my wife and I have a book called the five love languages. I believe it’s a book that every man should read. Now, I don’t say things like that lightly or very often. But it’s a book; if you haven’t read it, get it. So I know my wife’s love language. Before we first started dating, I didn’t. Right so, I would try to show her love., in my love language, I would do things for my acts of service. I love when people do something for me. I always try to jump up and do things; in fact, that are alpha resets. Tim, you’ll probably notice that I get up, and I try to help me cook and clean and do things for the guys. That’s just the way I show love. Sometimes frustrates me when other people don’t do that.

Tim Matthews  2:51  

It must be me. I was frustrated because acts of service are so low for me. For amelia. You must get annoyed with me.

Doug Holt  3:03  

There’s been a time or two. But so my wife’s quality time. Right. So that’s where I so we talked about seducing her. One is, is I realized, and I plan out spending quality time with her because quality time Tim is very low on mine. Very low. Right. I sit around, which probably annoys you thinking, why are we wasting time just sitting here?

Tim Matthews  3:31  

Yeah, you do? Yeah, I’m like, chill,

Doug Holt  3:34  

We should be doing something right. It’s my default, and is that well, doing something is my version of chill. So and it’s always been that way. So the first thing to do when I talk about seducing my wife, the first thing, it starts at the moment we wake up. That’s not true. It starts before. So when we go to bed or family, I set the house up. The next day, my wife and I have it worked out because my wife doesn’t work. I say it doesn’t work traditionally. She takes care. We have a two-year-old. She takes care of the two-year-old she does have her site, her own business, and she’s very successful at that. But most of our time is taken care of our family and which is the most challenging job in my opinion. I got the easy way. So we go to bed; I make sure that the house is set up. It’s secure. I think the lights are off. But I also set I set up and prep for the next day. Because I know it’s important to her, and I want her to feel lightness. I don’t want to wake up to a ton of dishes and a dirty house. My clothes were thrown over the floor. Most of the guys who talked about this at The Alpha Reset can relate., I don’t want her to feel like she’s taking care of me. Right? I’m not a child in the relationship. I’m the man. I’m her husband. I lead. I lead by my example, but I also lead as a man, and I want her to wake up and go throughout her day knowing that she’s married to a man, not to a boy. So that’s the first part. Most guys don’t think about that. Right? They think I’m married, and my wife will take care of my laundry, my wife will do the dishes or cook for me that, whatever it may be. Even if you’re not in a traditional relationship, like my wife, and I kind of earn a more modern traditional relationship, I would call it, and you don’t want to be that boy. You don’t want to be that guy that’s got his underwear laying on the floor and, and things of that nature. 

So I take care of that. So it starts the night before. Then the following day, often, because I know it’s important to her, and I did this morning, is I lay in bed with her, and I hold her. Right. Frequently, more often than not, if I do that, that quickly goes into making love. We have sex, that’s great, we’re connected. But I know that’s what she wants, she wants to be held, and I hold her as a man, she wants to be held, and I’m spending quality time with her. I also tell her things that I love about her, the right things that make her unique and special to me. So she knows that I see her in all of her amazingness. Right, I’ve learned this and one of the things is women want to be seen by their men. When women cheat on a man in their lives, the number one complaint is they don’t feel seen. They don’t feel seen or heard. But mostly, it’s seen. They use that word, and I didn’t feel caught in the relationship very often. So me being, maybe not being just a guy, I think, okay, if they cheat because they don’t feel seen, then being seen would make them feel even better. I am so being seen and being desired. So I let her know that she’s both seen and desire. Then again, quality time, sometimes I’ll grab my son, I’ll get him in the morning, I love doing that. Or she’ll come with me and giving her some space to herself, to allow her to be in her feminine energy, right to provide her with some creative freedom. So she’s not wiping my son’s bottom, and she’s not doing all of those things., I want to expect her to be sexual, or in a sexual space, when she’s just gotten done changing my son’s diaper. There are many guys that we talked to that just don’t get that their wife has been changing diapers all day and cooking and cleaning, and they come home, and they expect, blow job right away. Like, wait a minute, come on, dude.

Tim Matthews  7:25  

You guys said it with the wrong woman. Oh joking! That doesn’t work. God, that works for me. I love what he’s saying. He reminds me of a book that I’m listening to right now on audible, called springing up models attract women through honesty, by a guy called mark Manson. I’ve never digested any books on pickup or anything like that, which this is kind of a book on pickup. However, that what I like about the message is that he talks all about not being needed. So when you were a man, and you are looking to engage with a woman, not doing it to get any kind of reaction back, not being more invested in her opinion of you than you are in your opinion of yourself. The reason why I bring this in here is that when you were saying about saying these things to tell her how you see her, holding her doing some other bits and pieces, you’re not doing that out of neediness to get something in return; there’s not transactional, oh, if I do these things, I know that that isn’t going to seduce her. I should get led this evening or this afternoon or whatever., it’s not about doing anything for a result. Because, when you do it for a product, one is they’re not consistent, two. The women, women are way smarter than guys. They feel it, though that they know it. They know what you’re doing. They know what we do. When we do so for a particular reason, this is so intuitive. So you’re doing it out of your commitment and desire to uphold your role in the relationship of being the man and leading, right.

Doug Holt  9:28  

Yeah, so yeah, I want to add on to that. I know you’re going with this, but I do it for a couple of reasons, right. There are three levels of relationship depending on the book you might read or study. There might be four, but the one you’re talking about transit transactional is horse-trading is what’s called to right. I’ll do this for you if you do this for me. That’s the same thing we do in business. I’ll give you $100 or 100 pounds. If you give me a message right or not, you Tim, but in general, we exchange value. That’s what love is. That’s not a relationship, a  good quality, romantic relationship. I do it because I love my wife, I love her as a person, I love her as a human being having a human experience. As such, I’m willing to do things for, regardless of if I get anything returned; it’s just purely out of love. It’s purely out of love. Because I do it out of love that’s felt, you can just feel it right, you can feel when someone loves you, and someone wants to take care of you, that’s very different than horse training, or some kind of transactional. Now, don’t get me wrong, I used to make transactional love. I did the dishes, I, sweep the floor now you got to give me a message, or you got to do this for me whatever it may be you got to give me a blowjob. That’s transactional; that means I only did those things to get something I was keeping score. When I made that shift, I  made that shift in our relationship, Tim. Things started to change for us, and things got to another level. They continue to do so. It goes both ways and becomes reciprocal, but not from a keeping score. Standpoint., my wife loves to do things for me, and I love to do something for her. We just do that. We just take care of one another and think about one another. That is part of seduction. You’re talking about your you’re reading a book on pickup. I think all married men, all men in committed relationships, should study pickup because we forget in some way. It’s almost as if we get into a relationship and, our skillset right out on the prowl and seducing women., we forget it. It goes by the wayside because we’ve got a woman, and we’ve got the woman we want. So we stopped seducing them to some degree and a greater degree. 

So I like you. I also study seduction., Robert Greene’s got a great book on seduction. There’s a lot of them that are out there. I like Neil Strauss and a bunch of other people. But, we, as men, get to study dating and seduce the women that we love in our lives. If you’re a single man, you should be studying this as well. But also married men date and seduce your wife. Because chances are, if you’re in this has been said before, I’ve heard this said, and I was I heard this from tony robbins, who got it from somebody else, I believe. But he said if you’re going through a hard time in a relationship, the chances are, you’re not doing the same things you did when you first got in that relationship. Because if you were doing the things you did at the beginning of the relationship that at the end, there would not be an end. Hey, guys, I want to interrupt this episode because I want to talk to you about something important. We put together a case study on how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives and their 4x in their business revenues and have more connected intimate sex, all without sacrificing their relationships or health by using The Activation Method. Now a lot of you have contacted us, and they want to know how they’re doing it. We put together this short 11-minute case study just for you. So you can see how these entrepreneurs are achieving this level of success. To get this case study, all you have to do is go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus, yep, that’s one, one. You can get the case study right now. All right, it’s only 11 minutes, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode. That’s powerful. Like when you think of you and amelia. What are you doing more things? I don’t know; if you listen to these podcasts, let’s be careful. But were you doing more things for her when you first dated her and treated her a special way? Or what have you more so than now obviously, things have changed. But did you focus more energy, I should say, on the dating aspect relationship?

Tim Matthews  14:10  

So it’s kind of two questions. I wasn’t the one is. Did you spend more energy in dating and two do more things for her now than back then? Um, no, I’m so tempted. I’m just going to bring her in and ask her because I got my interpretation of the sense of I’d love to know her answer.

Doug Holt  14:26  

Then bring her in.

Tim Matthews  14:28  

I would not appreciate it when I bring her in. I think that I do. I’d say I do more now than at the beginning of the relationship. I’m interested to hear your take on that. I mean we live together now we didn’t use to live together. There’s a lot more than god’s hand in hand with that. I’m sending my answers you can tell, so be interested to hear her take because of my take, and then there’s the reality. So, I’m going to ask her for sure.

Doug Holt  15:07  

Well, let me give you my perspective because you and I are very open and transparent with each other. I’ve known you for some time; I know that you’ve been consciously studying this, right relationships, intimacy, sex, dating, and you’ve consciously this is not your first book. This may be your first book on pickup. But it’s not your first book on relationships. This is probably the sixth book that I know that I could name off that you’ve gone through. That tells me that you are consciously investing in amelia and your relationship with her. That’s huge. In The Powerful Man, we often say show me your calendar, and I’ll show you your priorities. You can say the same thing was to show me your audible list, write your book list or what you’re studying, and I’ll show you your priorities. For you, one of your priorities I know is business because you’re always teaching the men. But another one for you is your relationships. That’s part of the seduction, Tim? So you say how do I seduce my wife? Well, one of the things is she knows that I’m working on becoming a better man. She encourages me to go to The Alpha Reset to fly around the world to help these men because I come back a better man I come back to her even better than I was before. When she knows that I’m reading books on seduction or dating my wife, she knows I’m doing that to better our relationship, which of course, makes her feel better. Right. That’s what seduction is about. She’s feeling desired because her man is working on bettering the relationship. We have a phenomenal marriage., people are often telling us how our marriage to them is the pinnacle, something they look towards. We’ve had our ups and downs, right. But we’re constantly working on that. That’s part of the seduction phase. You’re doing the same, you do the same with amelia, what you no matter which it would be keys to the kingdom, all these things that you’re studying in relationships. So it’s not surprising to me that you do more for her now than you did initially. But for most men, that’s not the case.

Tim Matthews  17:17  

Yea, thank you for that. I appreciate that. I feel I could do for sure, and I’m still going to ask because whenever things come up, always ask if I love getting a response. One of the things about this in this book as well I  like is he talks about obviously, aspects of not being needed in communicating with women, and this could be a partner, it could be a woman you’ve never met, and so on. He also talks about it going hand in hand with being able to communicate transparently without needing them to prove what it is you’re saying. No one knows what it is that you like knowing your own opinion, knowing your mind, and communicating that honestly, clearly, and with love for yourself and them as well. When you are doing that, the woman is unable to feel that sense of leadership, which feeds into the seduction as well.

Doug Holt  18:15  

Yeah, that that goes hand in hand also with vulnerability. Yes, be strong and be vulnerable and transparent. I think that’s where many of us guys, certainly me in the past, have missed, or we think we have to be the man I have to lead. Therefore, I can’t tell her about any of my fault,  or any of the thoughts that I’m having, or if I’m worried about something. The more vulnerable, truly vulnerable I am, and leading at the same time. The more secure she feels, the more close she feels to me. As men, we get to the scariest place for us to go. We see this at The Alpha Reset is to be vulnerable in front of other people to show them who you are true. That is true power. When you allow your woman to see that vulnerability and strength at the same time coming from a powerful place, not victimhood, not a whiny place from a powerful place, that is very, very sexy to women. That’s why Tim, we get women who reached out to us with a powerful man going, hey, can I get a list of your graduates because I’m looking for

Tim Matthews  19:28  

As well. That was great. That was the I have asked to me about four times. All times

Doug Holt  19:37  

My wife has her girlfriends asking her right they hear these podcasts. They’re trying to share it with their men and some women relationships that are looking they’re not feeling seen or seduced. They’re looking one foot in one foot out the door, but especially the single women she’s getting asked all the time like, okay, can Doug send a few? These guys are way like wait a minute because how sexy is it that the man is so, so powerful or standing in their power that they’re willing to share themselves? Vulnerably that’s true power. They’re going from adult boys to adult men, and following the path of the alpha and taking care of the people around them. That’s for a woman for anybody; that’s just a sexy thing.

Tim Matthews  20:24  

Yeah, most women want to be protected first, provided for, although they like to make their way and have the freedom to find their path in that way. But for the most part that the innate instincts within natural within women and men and women want to be provided for and protected and that provided for is first and foremost an emotional provided for it’s not financial provided for our materialistic provided for all so on and get you so true in what you’re saying. Just to summarize here, because the question was how do you seduce your wife and the points that you brought up so far, first of all, is, taking the lead and being the man so leaving clothes around and, and we recorded a podcast episode on not making your living your mother. So basically that aspect. The second part, he then said, is knowing your wife’s love language. I’m giving her love in a way that she wants to receive it. The third thing is then doing all of that without any expectation or needs on getting something in return. The fourth thing is then showing up and leading been vulnerable, communicating honestly, openly from a place of power. As a result, the women feel safe and secure knowing that their man is there. Anything else you want to add?

Doug Holt  21:46  

Well, there’s a lot more than I do. But we just got to lock the morning line and

Tim Matthews  21:51  

Give away all your tricks. Before it, she’s going to be all the playbook.

Doug Holt  21:59  

Know what she’d love it because it’s not tricks. That’s the key. It does not trick in the playbook is designed for her to win. For us to win. That’s, that’s the difference in mind shift, I think. From seduction, right seduction, the person can know they’re being seduced. For a lot of people, when they are being seduced, they enjoy it just as much. Right? For, a few keys as we go through and run out. We’re running out of time. But dating is when I date my wife, I pick the restaurant and tell her what to wear, and I tell her what to plan for. Sometimes I give her an option, like, do you want to do this or this? But we don’t sit around going. I don’t know, what do you want to do? I don’t know, what do you want to do that whole thing? That’s not leading. So and nobody likes that? So I’m decisive? Hey, are you free? For I’ll ask her as if it was a date. I know our calendar. But are you free Thursday? Which I did this past Thursday? Are you free Thursday, because I want to take you out at 2:30. I like you to be ready. I want you to wear athletic clothes because we’re going to do something active together. That’s what we did. Right? And it was simple. Like we went to the gym together, right, and worked out together. I work out one gym, she works out at a different gym, just because one has childcare, she could take our son, and I’m a member of another one because we travel so much. The point being Tim is we just worked out together and walked by when I’d walked by her headphones in her headphones ran to give her a patent gas. She would do the same she walked over and kissed me as I was using the machine. So becomes flirtatious. At the gym, our endorphins are up or sweating. But I’ve also told her exactly what we’re going to do. I’ll even tell her what I want to do to her sexually, especially when we’re in a place where we can’t do it. Right, because that builds the tension. That’s where seduction comes in. You’re positively building friction and tension. Right where you want something and that you’d let them know you want them. But you can’t do it yet. So there’s that anticipation. It’s like saying, hey, Tim, and I got a gift for you. You’re like, well, where is it? It’s in my bag. I’ll give it to you in a minute. Like you’re just going to be wherever right now you’re probably even though I don’t have a gift for you probably hey, why would my gift like where is that? Where’s that answer? What’s that?

Tim Matthews  24:20  

Long overdue?

Doug Holt  24:22  

Long overdue? Yeah, I’ll give it to him, Morocco. So yeah, those are some of the things that I do, and as I said, there’s a lot more that I would like to be adding to my arsenal that I don’t do currently that I do intermittently—even being in this conversation. It reminds me of those things I get to do to make my wife feel even more special than I that I do already.

Tim Matthews  24:46  

I imagine as well how you shop as a father.

Doug Holt  24:49  


Tim Matthews  24:50  

How are you? I was bought a hearse when we were yours before the offer research has passed. I could see a current what is he was doing with his body, whether you will play, holding him, or whatever. I could see how Erin was looking at both of you guys. You could tell I was just making a heart melt, and she was loving it. That versus being on the phone or being short-tempered or whatever else., I imagine that plays a huge part in this too.

Doug Holt  25:21  

Yeah, it does. I don’t consider that because, to me, it’s just what I do. It’s just being me and being the father that I want for my son. It’s very important to me. So yeah, but yes, every once while, I catch her, and it goes both ways; when I see her being a mom, that’s, it’s very sexy to me. I go on and on about I think my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s amazing. We’ve cultivated that. Like every man watching this, if you’re in a hard relationship right now, in a dip in your relationship, it one feels like it’s never going to end. Two is your partner’s the ugliest person in the world. So those things happen. We’ve done the work for Erin and me, and we continue to do the work together on seducing each other, which our relationship continues to build and blossom. There’s a lot that we do on that way too much to do in one podcast episode. But maybe we’ll do a part two of this in the coming weeks, and I’ll share some of my other ninja tricks and tips as well as some epic, and I’ve got plenty of epic failures.

Tim Matthews  26:34  

No, degrade. I’d love to hear them.

Doug Holt  26:37 

I bet you would

Tim Matthews  26:38

Do you know what else we should have done for that one now?

Doug Holt  26:41  

Yep. So we’ll get me on. Mel is one of our head coaches, and he is a phenomenal get. We get Mel on for some seduction talk and talking about love. But I’d love to hear some of Mel’s best and worst scenarios. We have to keep this episode somewhat censored if we get Mel.

Tim Matthews  27:03  

That be great.

Doug Holt 27:04

Well, Tim, that’s a wrap for us in time. We got to get down to you. I have another meeting here coming up with some guys in The Brotherhood. Any final words for the men?

Tim Matthews  27:12  

I don’t know. There is not, I mean? Well, yeah, there is. I say always say no; there’s not going to say more words. Yeah, there is so much gold in it; I enjoyed that conversation. Thank you reminded me of many things I get to do and recap on a few things. Yeah, it’s phenomenal. That the people in our life that matter the most often why we are doing what we’re doing can often get forgotten about so easily. We often think that we’ve got all the time in the world when we do not. We’ve seen it so often when out of the left-field, the guys can get handed the divorce papers here. It’s been brewing and coming for a long time. They’ve just not paid attention to the signs. Don’t be that guy., make the most of the amazing wisdom that Doug is sharing here, and the invitation is for you to use it. Do something with it.

Doug Holt  28:08  

I love it, love it. Tim, I would love to hear what amelia says when you ask her, so let me know how that goes. Alright, gentlemen, that’s a wrap for us in this episode of The Powerful Man show. We always love hearing from you. Of course, if you can rate review wherever you get this, that helps other men like you find us and continue their journey. I look forward to talking to you soon, and hopefully, I’ll see you at one of our alpha resets.


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