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How Is Not The Answer

Episode #789

Are you struggling to commit to your goals for the year?

Do you find yourself lacking motivation or direction?

Join the insightful conversation between two powerful men, Doug Holt and Tim Matthews, as they share invaluable advice on how to overcome obstacles and achieve your true potential.

Dive into their practical tips and strategies that will empower you to take control of your life and become the best version of yourself.

In this episode, you will learn the importance of setting clear goals and surrounding yourself with a supportive community to accelerate your progress.

Discover the transformative impact of investing in yourself and seeking guidance from those who can help you navigate the path to success with confidence and determination.

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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.

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Tim Matthews  00:01

He didn’t feel like he could really dream and go after it because he almost. Part of what he felt was that he should be punishing himself. And if his wife saw him be happy and start really having a pep in his step, then that could jeopardize a relationship because he believes that she would want him to appear to be hurting as well.

Doug Holt  00:27

Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. I am joined once again, my brother from another mother, Mr. Tim Matthews. Tim, thanks for being here, buddy!

Tim Matthews  00:37

Oh, it’s a pleasure. I wish I was there in person, but I’m not, so this will have to do.

Doug Holt  00:43

Yeah. So for the guys watching this on YouTube or on another social media channel where we put it out, we’d like to do these live as much as possible. Unfortunately, Tim is not allowed to get in the United States. So kudos to the US border control for having stricter guidelines. Unfortunately, we believe it was due to just a change in policies. We’ll get Tim back here as soon as possible, but he wasn’t able to make it for this recording. So we’re doing it remote, which is still. Great to see you, man.

Tim Matthews  01:15

Likewise, brother. Likewise. It’s always great to be here. I have a tough act to follow, though. I think Erin’s been crushing it. So I’m a little bit nervous about suggested a topic. I’m like, yeah, but Erin’s been crushing it. I’m not quite sure that topics really much.

Doug Holt  01:31

Good. Well, unfortunately for you and I, I don’t think it’s the topic. Uh, I think getting a woman’s perspective is what the guys are looking for, and that’s something we can’t provide. Except for the fact that we talked to a lot of women. You did have a good topic, though. We were talking off camera about something that you’re noticing, in particular with some of the guys. So let’s throw that on the table. I think the guys are getting a lot out of this.

Tim Matthews  01:53

Yeah, let’s do it. So I lead. I say I lead. I lead a group call every Wednesday with the men in the inner circle. That’s our higher end mastermind. Small group, limited to ten guys. Each of them are assigned a lead coach, either Doug, myself, or Arthur. Every Wednesday they jump on for a group accountability and breakthrough call. Naturally, time of the year is obviously, it’s January, so we wanted to focus them for the year on what are their outcomes for the year, what are the actual goals, how do they want to grow, what experiences do they want to have? And some of the men are coming up with some really exciting visions and outcomes. Some really.

Yeah, I’m kind of thinking, holy shit, I need to rethink mine. They’re inspiring. I love it. And the response that those ones are getting are, hey, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to do this, but this is where I’m going. Perfect. That forces the innovation. Right? Be it in your thinking, be it in whatever it may be. Whereas the other guys that are getting a little bit stuck are getting lost in the how.

Well, I don’t know how I’ll make that thing happen. Hey, let’s just suspend belief on the how for now, and let’s redirect attention and intention to. What do you feel compelled to create over this next year? What would you love to experience if you were to look back on this year? What would make this year the best year of your life?

Let’s start there. So we’re almost there. The guys, I’d say 80% of the guys, have got their outcomes for the year, along with experiences and such, and having them reverse engineered and broken down in Q4, Q3, Q2, and Q1. So now we’ve got a solid focus for every week. You on track or off track for by the end of Q1. Right? Because if they hit Q1, obviously it’s the platform to Q2. A couple of them, like I said, still stalling a little bit, but they’re almost there. We had a very firm conversation today, and they responded very well. So they’ve committed to having these done by Friday.

Doug Holt  04:00

I love it, man. In fact, I had a conversation just yesterday with a man that we call big sexy and was talking about his goals, aspirations, some things that are going on in his life. And I think it’s important for all of us to remember, like, there is no destination. And what I mean by that is there’s a place that we’re going towards. And as powerful men, when we get there, the goal line moves. Right? We move the goalposts, if you will. It’s also important to celebrate.

But what was for a lot of these men, because they’re playing at such a high level, was previously inconceivable, if you will, has now become a new reality for them as a possibility. And the analogy I always use to him, or often use, I should say, uh, and I. It’s always a fitness analogy for me for some reason. And but it’s like the idea of somebody who’s never run before, and they’re like, wow, geez. You know, it’d really be good if someday I could run a 5k.

But it seems like a stretch goal. Well, when that person starts training and they get into the groove and they work with a good coach and they crush the 5k, all of a sudden, the idea of a ten k, which was previously impossible, becomes a possibility. And even maybe a marathon, which, again, would be inconceivable to the person who is a couch potato and has never run the 5k, was a stretch. But now that they’ve accomplished this goal with a 5k, their identity could change to, instead of being, I’m a couch potato, I am a runner. And we look at this across all five territories, and you do a great job of this with the men when you’re doing the visioning, is, where do you want to be in self what was previously inconceivable. What about health, wealth? The third territory? Right?

That also can be not only money, but also abundance. And then we look, of course, at relationships, which a lot of guys come into the program for, right. They want to really fix or work on their relationships. And then the one that all of us love, business, we have five of those territories we want to look at. And the thing that I seen you do so well with the men, and Arthur, of course, is. Also is. And these guys, kudos to them. I was looking at some of the posts from animal and some of the other guys. These are nicknames, of course. And then looking at them at what they’re doing now in several areas were previously inconceivable for them a year ago. And it’s that consistent. Raising the bar, iron, sharpening iron. And when I look at the iron, sharpens iron, I look at The Brotherhood in the inner circle. They’re like, you know, steel mills, if you will. This is where men come to sharpen the iron.

Tim Matthews  06:27

I love that. Yeah. Well said. It’s funny business. Oh, they had those squared away back in December. They all knew their business goals for the following year. Oh, of course. They’re done. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Yeah. And I’m also a great thing on the call today. So he was talking, obviously, like you said, you’ve seen his post this week, so he’s had some. He’s continuing to make some big strides in his relationship.

And what he would say, what he said today was, as you kind of go up the grading system in martial arts, he’s really beginning to understand what it looks like to be a black belt. So 18 months ago, when he came into the movement, he was intimidated by guys who were at that level because the way they saw things and the concepts they were playing with were just so foreign at that point. Right?

But really, he’s now beginning to understand the artistry that’s involved in a relationship, not just the mechanics of whatever tool it may be, but how to really have it be a bit of an art, how you direct the flow of the feminine energy, if you will, and how you show up. And as a result, yeah, it’s unlocked some really incredible goals for him in the area of the relationship. But that came off the back as well, of him putting time aside to actually reflect. Take stock of 2023.

Look at if there are any recurring patterns that came up for him with things that he didn’t achieve or recurring stories or whatever it may be, and really sit in that space of, hey, what would I love 2024 to look like? And Arthur guided the men, the senior guys in The Brotherhood, through an exercise on Tuesday. On the office hours, call said, hey, guys, let’s suspend 2024, and let’s just imagine what would you love your life to look like? Let’s get all those things down. So the guys almost started to make a bit of a bucket list, if you will.

And then they were instructed to share that with the partner. So when Animal shared it with his partner, she started to put a star next to some of the things she would love to do as well, which then influenced some of his goals for this year. And he was really stoked by that.

Doug Holt  08:41

I love that idea. And we were talking off camera a little bit, Tim, about there’s things that we see with the guys, and some guys get stuck in the dreaming phase is what I’ll call it, dreaming or visioning phase, because they get too stuck on the how. So again, I’m going to go back to my analogy of the 5K and marathon, because I’ve seen this so much with fitness. I’ve had this happen. Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t, but you’ll start to work on fitness goals, and I think this is relatable to most people. Hey, I want to lose some weight.

So guys will start doing research. They’ll start putting together the perfect workout plan. How many vitamins or vitamins should I be getting into my body? They’ll start looking at all the details when in reality, dude, strap on your running shoes, go out the door, whether it be a walk or run, get the basics down. And sometimes we get so caught in the details that it’s analysis, it’s paralysis by analysis. That slows us down.

Now, you and I, Tim, see this with guys all the time in their marriages. But this also applies with other areas. Business, for some reason, the men that we work with, because they’re. They’re. They’re crushing in business. They seem to have ways around this in business. Not always, but they do have ways around it. It’s the other areas, the area of self in particular, that men really struggle with this, and they get so caught in the how am I going to achieve it that they start to not believe it to be possible, rather than really embodying this idea of, like, this is what I’m going to do and the how will work itself out.

Tim Matthews  10:12

You know, just say that. I wonder if it’s because they just have more reps in business.

Doug Holt  10:18

Yeah, more reps and more confidence.

Tim Matthews  10:19

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because a lot of the guys, when they come to us, right, they’ve neglected every other territory and not really. They’ve not got the reps in. In setting some goals within the other territories. Usually wealth to a degree, but it means something different. Right? It’s purely money rather than real true meaning in the life as well.

Doug Holt  10:41

Yeah. Having said that, though, so it brings me back to. So the inner circle guys. I’ll just stick with them because that’s the off camera. We were talking about them particular. But this goes with the guys in The Brotherhood or just men listening to this when we get together with the inner circle guys after the event. So those guys have never been to an event.

If you join The Brotherhood, first of all, you have to go through one of our other programs and get. Get asked to join one year mastermind group. Most men continue year two, three, et cetera. There’s a lot that goes in that, but part of it is two international events per year. And these are epic events. Bucket list. We call it epic. Epic adventures, epic growth with epic men. Right? This is just an amazing thing we did. Cuba, we’ve done all over the world. We’re just getting. We’ll be going to Argentina here in a little bit.

And the point is, after The Brotherhood events, which are amazing, and you could just call it a day, we do an extra event with the guys just in the inner circle. And even when it comes to business, the men aren’t thinking big enough, typically. And the other men around this table, imagine having ten men around the table all focused on you and the betterment of you and thinking big. That’s even in business.

So I’m going back to the business idea. I think men just get comfortable in business because they have more reps. It doesn’t mean that they’re actually thinking bigger in that area. Oh, yeah, they’re gotten very comfortable in that area. And when they start to feel, think bigger and get around men who are thinking bigger, they get a little uncomfortable, right? And that’s a great thing.

And they stop. You watch these guys start immediately, some of them going to the how, but now they’re surrounded by nine to, you know, 15 other men who are like, okay, the how. Here you go. And they can put in the puzzle pieces so quickly for them as possibilities.

Literally, when we were in Banff at the last inner circle, one guy might, he might completely change his whole business format, like the structure of his business. Just based on one man’s conversation of like, you know what? He literally said, I don’t like your business setup. Here’s what I would suggest considering. And he let it marinate for a little bit and he’s like, crap, that’s a good idea. I never thought of that.

Tim Matthews  12:47

That was a great moment. And the thing is, with the how, there are so many different hows to get to that one goal, right? And the key is the what. Got to get clear on the what and take a risk. Be willing to get it wrong, be willing to miss it. But like I said to one of the guys on the inner circle today, I’m like, hey, look, you playing not to lose versus playing to win. You got to look differently. You’re looking back instead of forwards. If you were to play to win, what would it be? Let’s forget the how for now. Because again, like I was just saying, there are so many different ways to achieve whatever outcome it may be. So many different ways.

The key thing is coming up with the outcome. That’s really going to pull you during those tough times. It’s really going to excite you. When the excitement’s worn off, that’s really going to be worth actually sticking the course for. Because the key will come down to consistency. Usually at the end of the day.

Doug Holt  13:42

It’s exactly what it is to me. We talk about this idea that I was stuck in and most business owners is first we think we have to do a certain thing, right? We have to do the thing or have, right? So we think we have to have. I’ll use the have. So have. Do be is the formula that we do first. We have to have the connections, the plan, whatever it is. Then we do the work and then we get to be happy or successful.

And what we teach the men, we haven’t done a podcast on this for quite a while, Tim is. The formula is. Is off. First you got to be. You got to be in the vision that you want. You have to see it clearly. Then you get to do the work right. Then you get to have the thing, whatever that thing is. So it’s be do have. But most of us focus on the who. Excuse me, the have. Like, what do we have? What do we need there? And there’s a great book that you and I have both read. It’s. I think I’m going to mess up the title. So correct me. I think it’s who not what is the title of the book?

Tim Matthews  14:44

Who not how.

Doug Holt  14:45

Who not how. I think that’s a great book. So, you know, not to ruin the book for people, but there’s really one principle with that book. And it’s essentially, instead of figuring out how to get to a goal, it really is. It’s one principle. How to get to this goal is just who can help me get to this goal faster, right? Who do I need to bring into my team?

And again, the inner circle of The Brotherhood. Now you’re surrounding yourself with either 100 men or 15 men or so who are focused on you. Think of this as your board of advisors. This is your who, who can then connect you with other whos to get it done. And part of the issue here, Tim, is most of us have this idea that, well, I can do it myself. Nobody can do it better than me. I pull myself with my own bootstraps and we try to do it all ourselves. And we’ve done it successfully in the past. And because we’ve done it successfully in the past, we’re using that information as confirmation bias to think that we have to do that continuously.

And the truth is, we’re never going to get to that marathon, whatever that is, in business and our relationships and our self-development, our wealth, whatever, if we’re just doing it ourselves, just won’t happen.

Tim Matthews  15:54

Yeah, I love that point on who not how. I’m thinking back as well to the last six months in a circle, and obviously the guys were getting phenomenal RESULTS. And some of the guys joined halfway through the year, right? So they wouldn’t have, they didn’t come up with goals for the year in the program, but they were really playing to their edge because of one particular question. Well, this was one ingredient. There were other things, other factors involved.

But one question we asked them every week was, what are you going to do to get uncomfortable over the next seven days? And credit to the guys because they really would think about what that one thing was going to be and they would take it very seriously and as a result, they would commit to doing the thing they really didn’t want to do. And the growth that those guys had was just incredible.

Now, I also wonder whether that might be holding them back a little bit right now because part of what helped them, I think part of what could have helped them to achieve those RESULTS last year is there was no expectation of what was possible and what they could actually achieve. Right? They were playing in the land of possibility and really pushing that envelope every week, whereas now some of those same guys are committing to an outcome. There becomes a certain level of pressure, right? Which I think is a good thing. It’s, you know, it’s a good pressure. It’s a good stress.

I’m just wondering whether that fear of not achieving this thing they’re proclaiming to on the back of such great RESULTS because it came from a place of not stating an outcome, let’s say whether that might be holding them back a little bit, the fear of failure.

Doug Holt  17:40

Interesting! That’s an interesting theory, I guess, coming in, if that is the actual item. And this is where it comes in, to get quality coaching or advice from someone like yourself or Arthur, because you guys are on the calls. I don’t make them because of my commitment with my family and the boundaries that I’ve set around that just the time doesn’t work out for me. I’m wondering if, you know, that’s the advantage of being there with you, because I know, you know, and they know you’re going to call it out. You’re going to call it out and let them know if they’re playing too small. And what’s even cooler than that is obviously, as a great coach that you are, Tim, it’s your job to call them out.

These guys call each other out and to see it, whether it be MVB or anybody else out there. You know, as the, the saying goes, call a spade a spade. You know, they, they call it what they’re calling what they see. They’re calling what they see at the end of the day, and they’re calling it out with each other and pulling each other forward.

And I think that’s the difference, right? You want men in your corner who are going to pull you forward rather than pushing you around. They want to call. They’re calling you forward. And all of us have blind spots. We just all do. And to have a group of guys looking at you and noticing your blind spot instead of just saying, oh, it’s going to be okay, Doug. Yeah, yeah. You’re doing the best you can in your relationship. Oh, you’re doing the best you can in business. It’s been tough. These guys are calling out like, dude, you’re slacking. You’re doing great over there. Cool. Yeah, that’s great. But you’re slacking over here. And that’s why you see guys like animal. I think he got his purple belt recently or anyway, he’s advancing in all of these areas and it’s remarkable.

Tim Matthews  19:18

It really is. And that was the message today to a couple of them. Hey, get your finger out of your ass, essentially. And you’re too slow. It’s gone on for a few weeks now. Sort it out. It’s too slow. It’s not good enough. And that’s coming from place of them wanting the best for them and not letting them settle for less than they’re capable and deserving of getting. But it’s coming back to the topic. So some of the key themes that stand out. If someone’s listening to this and they’re struggling in really committing to some outcomes for the year. Oh, I’ll bring up one other thing, actually, before I go to this.

One of the other things that came up for somebody else on the call was, oh, well, I don’t want to set a goal because part of it is depending on my wife. I need to know what’s happening there with her first before I can commit to things. And this has been a story for this guy for a little while now and that also got addressed today. But I think that could be one that the listeners might be playing with at this point in time. If they are struggling with girls, that the story an excuse really, that, hey, I’ve got to wait for her.

Doug Holt  20:24

Yeah, I mean, that’s the thing is you don’t have to wait for somebody. Now, somebody might be dependent on the outcomes, right. So maybe the actual outcome that you’re going to get is dependent on her to some degree, but that shouldn’t stop you from making the, the first steps and starting the journey. We see this with guys that are not within any of our programs. Right? That are on the fence. Yeah, well, my wife needs to do the work first. Oh, yeah. You know, my wife doesn’t want me spending money right now.

Well, of course she doesn’t want to spend money. You spending money right now because she doesn’t trust you. She doesn’t trust you to show up as the man you haven’t been honoring your word. This is your chance to call her forward. This is your chance to step up. But they don’t see it that way. Right? And it’s the same thing. It’s just easy to make excuses. And this is for all of us. I’m not putting this man down. I don’t actually know which guy you’re talking about, which is really interesting. It puts me in an interesting position, but it’s a little bit playing the victim card. This is out of my control. Therefore, I am the victim. I can achieve this.

Tim Matthews  21:28

I’ll give you a little bit of context as well, because things will be valuable for the listeners. So part of the reason for his story was that he was harboring some guilt for something that had happened in the relationship. It’s out in the open, and it’s, you know, within the relationship. They’ve spoken about it.

But the other part of his story was that he didn’t feel like he could really dream and go after it, because he almost. Part of what he felt was that he should be punishing himself. And if his wife saw him be happy and start really having a pep in his step, then that could jeopardize a relationship because he believes that she should. She would want him to appear to be hurting as well.

Doug Holt  22:12

Yes, I think I know which man you’re talking about now.

Tim Matthews  22:17

But it’s actually guilt, right? That guilt and that story around it, which isn’t going to work for either of them. But speak to that point, I think the listeners will take value.

Doug Holt  22:27

Yeah, I will speak to that point. So I think it goes beyond guilt. This goes into shame. Shame is an identity thing, where guilt is. I feel guilty about something. Being shameful is something you put on yourself as an identity. It’s a label, right? There’s something wrong with me. Therefore, I feel shame.

And once we start solidifying this story, right? When we start solidifying it, we will fight for our belief systems. We’ll fight for it. Whatever you believe yourself to believe, if you believe yourself to be smart, you’ll fight for it and you’ll find evidence. If you believe yourself to be dumb, you’ll fight for it, and you’ll find evidence that you’re dumb.

So if you find evidence or you believe that you should feel guilty, you shouldn’t be happy. You’ll stack the evidence in your favor to make yourself right. The two most powerful words in the English language are ‘I am’. Anything that follows after ‘I am’ is a label you are telling your conscious. And even more important supercomputer we call your subconscious, how to navigate the world, what to look for in the world. And if you start having this I am idea about being a victim, you’ll find all kinds of reasons why it’s not your fault.

The truth of the matter is, I’m going to imagine this man, his wife wants nothing more than him to be happy. Nothing more, right? If she loves him, even if she remotely cares about him, she wants him to be happy. And my guess is she’s an amazing woman, right? I mean, this guy’s — If it’s the guy I’m thinking of, he is a frigging phenomenal guy. He’s one of those guys I want in my corner the rest of my life. He is an amazing man. And his wife wants to be happy. Now, she may have her own issues and things she’s working through and think she’s processing, but this is something my wife told me many times, Tim, and it’s something I’m still working through, guys, just transparently.

But don’t dim your light for me. Don’t dim your light for anyone is eventually what it turned into. But what I used to do is play small because I didn’t want my wife to feel bad. I didn’t want her to feel guilty because I was being successful on so many other areas of my life. And she would watch me do this with her, but also with other people. I’d play small people compliment me on something. I’d be like, oh, yeah, not really. You don’t really know. It’s behind the scenes. I’m not really that smart or whatever else it may be. And she would say, don’t dim your light for anybody else.

And that’s what I’m going to tell this man, instead shine so bright that you can lead your wife out of the cave that she’s in. Right? You can lead people who are not as strong as you out of their abyss. Now, they may not follow you, and that’s okay. Don’t expect them to follow you. But you shine so bright that you cast a shadow. Right? You actually illuminate some of the shadows in the room for other people.

Their initial reaction might be one of fear, right? That happens if you are a businessman. This has happened to you. Guarantee it. If you’re listening to this, you’ve been successful. And people around you, it’s made them uncomfortable. The reason it makes them uncomfortable, guys, is not cause they’re mad at you because they have to look at their selves. They go, shoot Tim makes me feel uncomfortable because Tim’s in good shape, and I freaking hadn’t. I say I want to be in good shape, and I had nachos and beer last night. I didn’t really. But you get the idea. And so it’s really, it’s really their inner dialogue, their inner critic that’s lashing out. That’s nothing to do with you.

But if you continue to shine bright, and I’ve seen this happen, gosh, it’s nine times out of ten, and I’ve seen it happen thousands of times with myself and also other men. People follow. You start to motivate people. You inspire people. As a powerful man, as a WOLF who is wise, open, loving, and fierce. It is our job, our duty to lead others by example. And we show them through example.

So we not only become inspirational, but we become aspirational. And that’s something I talk to you a lot about, Tim is being aspirational is the key. Some, I want to aspire to be like Arthur, Tim, Mark, any of our coaches, Andy, any of the guys or gals that were within TPM, you want to be aspirational, and that goes for your wife, too, but also goes for your kids. Your kids are watching. They’re watching how you navigate the world. I would.

And this, that’s a big one for me, guys, is because I don’t want to make anybody feel bad if I make more money than them or if I’ve been more successful or whatever else it is. However, what’s more important to me, Tim, is making sure that my son and my daughter don’t dim their light around anybody, that they shine brightly and they achieve their true potential. That’s more important. And so I want to set that example.

Tim Matthews  27:08

Well said. I love that. So let’s wrap this one up then. Let’s give the listeners three takeaways. Let’s say they’re struggling to commit to some outcomes for this year. What would you….

Doug Holt  27:20

Yeah, I’ll kick it off. Don’t worry about. Do the rocking chair test. I think it’s the best way of doing it. So what’s a rocking chair test? Put yourself in a rocking chair on the porch, maybe at the TPM Ranch where I am right now. Just picture yourself there. I’d love to be here with you guys, just so you know. Maybe Tim can get in the country by then. He’ll join you, too.

So a year from now, a year from today. So today, as we’re recording, this is the end of January. Let’s just say when you listen to this, whatever day it is, one year, one calendar year. Or you can say December 31st, you’re sitting on the TPM, the deck of the TPM Ranch overlooking the beautiful field in the forest, and you’re reflecting in the year.

What are the three things that you’re happiest about? The three things, right? What are those? And just write them down and don’t judge yourself. What are they? Is it a place you travelled? Is the fact that you spent really invested in your relationships? Or maybe it’s you invested in yourself for the first time, you really just double down like, you know what? I’m going to invest in me. I’m the one investment nobody can take away. I’m the asset here in this marriage, in this business or whatever else may be. And maybe you invested in yourself and that is what you’re proud of. You really went for it this year. No be’s, no victimhood. You just released the brakes and went for it. Whatever it is for you, write those things down.

Tim Matthews  28:39

I love that. I’ll go with the who piece. That’s a good one. Once you’ve got clear on that, who can help you get there?

Doug Holt  28:47

Yep. I’m going to add on to that if I can. Not that you can stop me, but this is something you and I talk about. It’s not only who can get you there, but who can get you there faster because you can get there yourself. You know you can. You guys are smart. You wouldn’t be listening to the show if you weren’t. Who can get you there faster and more exponentially. You don’t have to do everything. Find somebody who’s got a proven plan or methodology that can get you to your goal faster. That’s all there is to it, right? Success leaves clues. Success leaves clues. Awesome!

So, Tim, I’ll wrap it up with number three for these guys is surround yourself with a support group. Look, if you’re like me, right? You like me. We want to do good. We set great goals. But I’ll tell you one thing I won’t do, I won’t let somebody else down. I know I should have this determination and all this stuff that I’m not going to let myself down by myself and all that. And that’s great, right? I’m not David Goggins, right? I’m just not.

But I also know if I want to get healthy, I do crossfit, right? Or I get a workout buddy. Because if going to the gym at 05:00 in the morning is my goal, like last night, I couldn’t sleep, the kids were sick. They got up and we’re up. The kids. I didn’t want to go to the gym. However, I was meeting somebody there and I’d be letting that guy down. So I show up.

So surround yourself with people like that, and surround yourself with people who are going to show you your blind spots, like you’re doing, Tim. With the guys in the inner circle, those guys are making exponential leaps. They’re achieving goals that they’ve never achieved thought possible in their lifetime. In a year, imagine how these guys are going to be three years from now. If they continue five years from now, they are going to be unrecognizable from their former selves in the best way possible.

So there’s your three, right? Dream big rocking chair test. Start there. As Tim said, who. Who can get you there? Not only get you there, but get you there faster. Three iron sharpens iron. Find your tribe. Find your tribe and double down there, guys. Double down. Let them get to know you. Whatever it is, make sure it’s a group of peers that are going to call you out. And if you need a facilitator, a coach, it’s a great way of doing it. Cause their job isn’t to hold your hand. Their job is to help you get to your goals. And that’s how you achieve friggin phenomenal RESULTS. I love this conversation, man. I’m fired up. I’m just fired up to have you back on. I really am. It’s great to see you. It’s great to have you here, brother.

Tim Matthews  31:20

Yeah, I love it. I appreciate you making the time, and it wasn’t easy. And I know that the idea would be that we are there in person, but I appreciate you making the time.

Doug Holt  31:29

Yep. Well, gentlemen, as we say in the moment of insight, take massive action. What are you going to do? Are you going to do these three things that Tim and I just mentioned, or are you going to go to another podcast, another show, clicking the channel on YouTube or what have you? Whatever you do, take massive action. We’re here to help. If there’s anything that we can do, let us know.

Also, if you’re interested in The Activation Method, go ahead and let us know. Go to email vippowerfulman.com dot. I know I get a lot of requests from guys saying, hey, how do I get information on the program? It is for business owners only. And I’ll tell you what, guys, here’s a secret. I’m going to release this. And Tim, hope you’re okay with it. We have our other flagship program. We’re re-launching this year. So at the end of Q1, we’ll have The Activation Method for self. This is the same program that a lot of the men that you’ve seen on this podcast have been through and have totally transformed their lives.

So if you’re interested in learning more about that, whether you’re alumni through The Activation Method for relationships or you’re saying, hey, look, my relationship is pretty good, but I’m feeling a little stuck, I’m not sure what my next move is. This is what The Activation Method for self is. Go ahead, email again. It’s VIP – Very Important Person. That’s what you are at thepowerfulman.com. Again, vip@thepowerfulman.com. And tell him you want more information about The Activation Method, either for relationships in your marriage or for yourself, because you are your most important asset as we move into 2024 and beyond. Gentlemen, have an amazing day, and we’ll see you next time on the TPM show.

All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.

You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.

Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!