Focus Equals Reality

Episode #51

In this episode, we talk about how business owners should strive to be a charismatic leader. Someone who sets the mood in the boardroom and leads.

It is just as important to be an alpha in your business as well as an alpha in your relationship.

As a man in your bedroom, you should also be the one who sets the mood and leads in order to seduce your wife. Be the one leading your marriage. Seeing their husbands be tough enough to make decisions and leading the relationship is sexy & seductive to wives. 

While you are doing your best for your business to grow, you can also be the best husband to your wife. Make it a priority to make your partner feel important. Take her on vacation and create intimate moments together. Team up with your wife to fire up the intimacy and nurture the relationship.

Know her love language and know how she wants to receive it. Give her reasons to think that you are sexy even in the most simple things that you do, allowing her to trust you more. 

Don’t fall into the trap that most men do of sacrificing their relationship by spending their time and energy hustling. Manage your energy to avoid disconnecting from your partner and maintain your position as an alpha in the boardroom as well as in the bedroom.

In this episode you will learn:

  1. How intimacy affects the energy you bring in the workplace
  2. How to make your wife trust you more
  3. The importance of being an alpha in the relationship
  4. How to seduce your wife
  5. How to set the relationship on fire


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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

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Episode Script

Doug Holt 0:00  

When is a man having problems in the bedroom if you automatically extrapolate that they’re having problems in the boardroom or the office? 

Mel Martin 0:08

It just comes out, and you don’t even need to ask. You ask them to describe their business, which is a job they’re going to and not even leading it. They’re not even making decisions immediately, and they’re waiting for meetings to make meetings upon meetings. If that’s how they are professional, I guarantee you at home, and it’s the same.

Doug Holt 0:29  

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my special guest, Mel Martin’s head coach. Now, how’s it going, brother? 

Mel Martin 0:44  

Brother, I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am here to see you. 

Doug Holt 0:50

It is fantastic!

Mel Martin 0:51

I have been waiting for this moment. So I’m grateful, and I’m so grateful that you’ve asked me on, and I’m looking forward to having a great talk with you.

Doug Holt 0:59  

Well, Mel, I mean, the men that go through The Powerful Man program, frequently you’re the first point of entry. You’re the guy that they look up to; you’re a head coach, you’re a master coach, you have been for years, and so it’s only right that we get you on here, the guys are excited, and those men that haven’t had a chance to luxury, I would say, of meeting sexy Mel here. He just has an amazing spirit and amazing guy, and the conversation topic fits in. So the conversation for today, Mel, is how you lead in the boardroom is the same as leading in the bedroom. 

Mel Martin 1:37  

Brother, I can’t begin to tell you how true that is. First of all, to touch on your point that I’m the first point of entry. I have an amazing job in that I am the very first point of entry, the onboardings, beginning, the first connection after a person formally enrolls, and I love this role because it’s a warm introduction. It’s my mission to make sure that every guy who comes in comes in with the love and the care that they deserve because they have been feeling for a very long time that they haven’t received that. Worse yet, they don’t know how to receive that. Right? And it’s a recurring theme of unworthiness, not feeling good enough in the story, just over and over and over. So that initial warm introduction is so important, and I’ve had the fortune and the blessing of really jelling with pretty much every guy that’s gone through our program. I mean, it’s not for everyone. It’s not for everyone but the guys that do step up. Boy, they are ready to slowly start opening up some more than others because some are more emotional or introverted than others, and you just have to envelop that and embrace that.

Doug Holt 2:51  

Well, I mean, of course, we are obviously with The Powerful Man, and we’re going off-topic a little bit, but that’s okay. We have a very strict application process and a vetting process. People have to go through phone calls before even being accepted into the program, and that’s because we’re looking for men that are ready for us . This is our legacy work. We want to help men. I look at it as the matrix Mel, like for unplugging men from this old story that they’ve been sold about shame and hustle and grind and all these things about what a man’s supposed to beat your chest BS, and they get a chance, of course, they gel with you, your Mel, I mean.

Mel Martin 3:34  

Thank you for that. Now it all starts with a simple conversation; everything is a conversation. You would be surprised how that simple concept and the process aren’t available for men to just have a conversation freely without judgment anyway, not to get off-topic. Still, I just wanted to thank you to all of you also on the Facebook community page of The Powerful Man for allowing me into your life for even for a few minutes a few times a week to share what my perspectives are and to be the best representative I can be for The Powerful Man each one of us on this leadership team or entirely dedicated to this because it is a legacy for all of us. So thank you to all, so there you go.

Doug Holt 4:17  

That’s right, guys. So when you guys hear myself or Tim or anybody else or the coaches talk about the activation method Facebook group, I always screw up by saying the Facebook page and things like that. In fact, in the last episode, Tim’s like I would be confused with Doug. Having listened, but Mel is the liaison, he makes sure that the questions are answered. Guys that are coming through it are a free resource, and gosh, Mel drops so much knowledge in there every week. Great, and one of Mel’s specialties is romantic relationships, intimacy, real intimacy, and looking at it from a business owner, business Leaders perspective when you talk about being an executive is what we like to talk about a lot Mel. These guys are at the top of the food chain in many ways in their industries and their businesses. But as you eloquently say frequently to these men, usually on day three of The Alpha Reset or when you’re coaching them is hey how you lead in the boardroom is the same as you’re leading in the bedroom.

Mel Martin 5:28  

Yes, and thank you for the specialty label. I will just humbly share with you my shared experiences. I’m in a unique position coming up on my 55th birthday and being a professional and an executive for many years, and I owned and ran, and lost the seven-figure business. So I have a unique perspective on this, my marriage, the wonderful woman I was married to, and we are no longer together. However, that 14-year marriage also gave me an idea of what it was like to be in a marriage and have disintegrated into a loveless and sexless marriage in the last three or four years. So I firmly believe that how you lead in the boardroom also is translatable energy as to how you lead in the bedroom, and vice versa. Totally.

Doug Holt 6:13  

So tell us more. So obviously, guys are listening to this. It’s a great topic. You throw this one out on the table, and you and I are chatting, which is what I always love. It’s so fun for me to be a fly on the wall listening, you talk to the men because this conversation comes up men as men, we put so much stake into our ability to be a lover to satisfy a woman, especially our intimate partner and you have so much knowledge and experience in this area. Talk to these guys listening about this. Is it okay, what exactly do you mean it’s the same energy?

Mel Martin 6:49  

Let’s look at The Alpha Reset itself. Okay, I talked about this on day three. What is the keyword? It’s alpha. Right? Every executive should be an alpha, whether it’s an introvert, whether they’re an extrovert, you don’t have to be muscular, and all that I have met some CEOs and some business leaders who are alphas that look like meek little men that look like it, but they are not. They are centered. They know who they are. Right. They know their mind. They know their heart, they know their soul, they own it, and that’s what it’s all about. You talk about intimacy, and there are three areas. You impact three areas of your life because you’re the common denominator. You have your intimate circle if you’re married, guess what? Your number one internal customer is your wife. Then you have your internal customer structure, which are the people that you either answer to, or the answer to, or you affect them at a professional level. Then the third is your external customer structure. These people paid for your services or goods, you have to, and the most intimate one is the space by which you’re standing in the middle of your tornado so those relationships that you have intimately with yourself, your partner, spouse, girlfriend, whatever, and then a transition to the outward rings. Then it comes back to you in the middle. All the way through. Leonardo DiCaprio, Wolf of Wall Street. Yep. Okay. Michael Douglas, Wall Street, Okay. Ben Affleck, boiler room. Okay. Brad Pitt? Moneyball, what do they all have in common? 

Doug Holt 8:25  

Well, one, they’re all financial movies. Two, they are leaders.

Mel Martin 8:30  

Absolutely. There are boardroom scenes and all of them. Their boardroom scenes on all of them, and they pardon the pun. Pardon my language. They don’t take shit from anyone. Yep. They are risk-takers. They are not afraid. They are charismatic. They own it. The one resounding theme with all the guys that come through The Activation Method are high-level business owners, business leaders, CEOs, what have you, along with going into The Alpha Reset where that human interaction is with us? Is this amazing unworthiness? I mean, What language did we hear Doug recently? I feel like I’m not just good enough in my industry, and this is a guy that’s recorded at the highest level through publication; he flat out told me in the very first meeting of that warm introduction, I just I’ve done this, I’m looking at the inventory. I’m like, this guy’s a badass, and then he ends it with, I just feel like I’m the dumbest guy in the room, and I don’t know why am I talking about well? How did you arrive with that? But the road is painful, brother. It’s painful because when you’re in it, you cannot even see through the trunks of the trees of the stressful forest. You have to have the ability to fly at a bird’s eye view and look at your life as a chess game. Because there are pieces of the puzzle there. There are players in the game. You get to move them where you are, where you want them. You get to choose Men who lose that ability because they’re inundated with their own stories. 

Doug Holt 10:04  

So true, Mel. It’s kind of a sense that many of these guys have high levels, a little bit imposter syndrome, and do you feel that for some of these guys, specifically when it talks about boardrooms and bedrooms, they have an idea of someday. Like, someday, when I get to this level or get this, everything will be okay. Then I’ll be able to, and I’ll be happy, I’ll be able to live and make love with my wife, whatever it may be.

Mel Martin 10:33  

Sure. Absolutely. I love that. Right. I had an opportunity. My ex-wife and I had humble careers. I had a small independent training business instead of a health club that turned into this huge conglomerate. I was making about 40 grand a year. She made 50 grand a year as a high-level dental hygienist and worked with people in that industry. She was medically retired because of the Carpal tunnel, and we went straight down to one income. For her to find her new career as a realtor. There was a period when we were just the one income I had this opportunity to sign into a franchise, a luxury fitness training franchise called fitness together. I became one of the top five owners for two and a half years and ran a seven-figure business, and that’s when I thought, if I do this, I will become that, and I’m the man I’m the hero. She will look at me in a certain way. I have saved us. I am this dude. I played it. I played the role not just from my home but on a community level. All the while, my marriage was disintegrating. I had this massive power couple look. That’s a Mel Martin production. That’s Jamie Martin Durham, and you’re invited to another circle that’s big and just the applause and the praise and the accolades. It went from community to regional to national, and I ate it up because I’ve made it. Right. Have you? Totally and all the while my bedroom was just completely gone with the garbage? Hell at 41 in the height of the stress. My way, I started the downturn. I suffered from erectile dysfunction. Ma? And classically, God bless her. I mean, just that this happened. Get checked out. It’s my fault. Right? Get checked out. What’s wrong with you? There you go. One micro event adds to the story. What’s wrong with you? Right? Went to the doctor, my wife. I said that I needed to go check you out, and maybe you could send me to a urologist. It wasn’t good enough for my doctor. I had to buy by the instruction of my wife because I bought into this thing that there’s something wrong with me. Right here, I was a bodybuilder, the whole thing king of the world. Why is this happening? Right. Get to the urologist. We go through the whole test, Mr. Martin. Glad to say there’s something wrong with you. Your blood works great. I believe this is a case of stress. You have erectile dysfunction. I’m going to go ahead and prescribe you some Viagra once again, me? Mr. Martin. I prescribe this to men in their 20s; you’re not that special—second micro event. I’m not even that special. Right? Right. I can’t go home like I just found the golden ticket to Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory Honey. I cut it, and I have the solution to all of our problems. There’s nothing wrong with me; the urologist checked me for validation. I have this prescription now. We can start playing again. It’s viagra. Wait for it. That’s weird. You can’t even do it on your own now. Prime any third micro event, right. Add another story to the story, right?

Doug Holt 14:12  

It’s reinforced over. 

Mel Martin 14:14  

I saw. I mean, thank God, I’m not the same version anymore. But I can say I’m now 16 years later; however that exists, and men forget that they are powerful in their relationships. They live to work instead of work to live. When’s the last time you took her away for a weekend getaway? It’s not a never. It’s never a yes or no question. It’s always a reason. Well, it’s hard. I have to serve, but not someone asked you. When was the last time you took her away for a weekend getaway where you were in charge? You said, Honey, pack a bag on this date. We’re leaving at this time. I’ve got this. We’re good, and if you did that regularly, which you trust. You what you go, my God, that’s awesome. We’re going to do that. Right? It’s all about the orgasm. Right? What is the number one sexual organ for a woman? Right between their ears? You need to feed them that information you need to seduce them, and you need to create the momentum. Is it not the same in the boardroom? Said completely the same. You need to nurture it, and you need to feed the information, you need to ask for feedback, you need to be able to take it constructively, put your ego aside, deliver back, say, why is it not? It’s completely the same. I have presented quarterly presentations, serious hardcore once spreadsheets PowerPoints holding in front of national sales directors. It is gut-wrenching, it is fearful, and those guys got the whole white collar pinstripe. Brooks Brothers look from the east coast, and they don’t care. They just want some numbers, and they want to know that. 

Why should I not fire you today? Right? It’s not. Hey, I have a good job now. I don’t care what you did last quarter. Why? What is your forecast? And why should I not get rid of you now? That’s alpha positioning and that same guy, Pete Hayes, and I’ll call him his name is Pete Hayes, National Sales Director for a company. I’m working with this dude, and I want it. Do you want to know how hardcore alpha he was? He had a daughter, Samantha. He lived in New Hampshire. He traveled to Elk Grove, California, where I was and, and he stopped by saying, Hey, guys, I got to check a text message. My daughter’s flying in from New York. Well, the Bloods wintertime, blah, blah, blah and somebody said, What the? Is there anybody to pick her up? What? Did he say? No, she’s fine. She can just wait in the lobby. She has a cell phone, and she’ll be alright. She was 12. Right? Total control. Like it was then not even, and I had two boys that were barely 10. I’m thinking, hell, no, there’s no way, but the sheer confidence and relaxed confidence and matter of factness of his voice were amazing. I look back now, it’s like, that guy Not only did that at that moment, but he had to go through all the offices throughout the country, doing these quarterly presentations. Can you imagine the endurance, the emotional intelligence, the mental strength, and the physical, just the sheer physicality of it all, to be able to show up as that version of yourself all the time? What kind of housekeeping? Personal housekeeping, do you have to have in your locker to show up like that? There’s no disorganization or disheveled this, and he is leading his marriage.

Doug Holt 17:43  

Hey, guys, I want to interrupt this episode because I want to talk about something important. We put together a case study on how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives and their 4x in their business revenues and have more connected intimate sex, all without sacrificing their relationships or health, by using The Activation Method. Now a lot of you have contacted us, and they want to know how they’re doing it. We put together this short 11-minute case study just for you. So you can see how these entrepreneurs are achieving this level of success. To get this case study, all you have to do is go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/11. Yep, that’s one, one, and you can get the case study right now. All it’s only 11 minutes; it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Let’s get back to the episode. Well, Melanie, when you hear that, I love that story, by the way, and I’ve talked about this a lot because we get a lot of time together at these alpha resets in between sessions, but when you hear that, when a man is having problems in the bedroom, can you automatically extrapolate that they’re having problems in the boardroom or at the office, not being decisive in one equals not being decisive in another,

Mel Martin 18:58  

It just comes out, and you don’t even need to ask. You ask them to describe their business, and they are completely part of it. This is a job they’re going to do, and they’re not even leading it. They’re not even, and they’re not even making decisions to make decisions immediately. They’re waiting for meetings to make meetings upon meetings. They don’t even have the right people in place to win for them, and so on and so on. If that’s how they are professional, I guarantee you at home, and it’s the same. It’s completely the same.

Doug Holt 19:27  

I find it to be the same as well, and whenever we know we talk to men when they talk about their marriage, we eventually dive into their business. It’s the same thing. It’s either they’re blaming people external themselves, and often, it seems to me now that they’ve kind of given up, thrown their hands in the air, and relinquished control. I’m just going to be a good boy and do what I’m told. Hopefully, everybody will like me, and I’m going to give in all my needs, wants, and desires and just throw it up, and I’ll be sedated. I’ll just.

Mel Martin 19:58  

What makes you throw your Hands up? When she says blah blah blah. When she says blah blah blah. Where’s your point of origin before you go to your office? Where does it start? It’s the night before when you go lay down, it’s cold, not intimate. Sex is a process you’re hoping you’re going to get laid. Right? What does that suck? What? It’s become so foreign, right? How do I start, and you didn’t protect the intimacy? You didn’t team up together and make a deal with each other and say, no matter how hard life stress says, we will not kill our intimacy right. It starts there, and then you wake up right and the alarm goes off, first of all, you don’t have an easy way to rise right? She goes off and takes care of the kids; you go off and share bla bla bla you meet at the dinner at the breakfast table, but maybe you do that. Then you’re out the door zero connection that’s where it starts, and you’re taking that energy and that story and that momentum into work. There’s nothing sexy about that, is there no!

Doug Holt 21:05  

And then often Mel and these guys are doing as well right as they go in and then now they’re somebody that’s giving them a little attention at work right? or something else and my wife doesn’t give me attention, but Susie in the office does.

Mel Martin 21:22  

I’ve been there and done that. I know that one. So what else do they do? They turn to something else, and they turn to something else for that sexual satisfaction. That small glimpse of imagination through porn. It’s the connector. In my opinion, a guy watches porn. As a man who loves women, I could tell you I’ve watched my share, and I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with it if you will. So men will watch that, and the translated energy in that is I wish I could do that. I wish that weren’t me. Right? Seriously and then what is the major disconnect about that? Is this I wish I could do that at home or I wish you could do that with me. Wait, no, it won’t happen. Let me just stay here, though. What’s easier is that you’re comfortable and comfortable in your misery because you can trust it. You can control it, and you can turn it on, turn it off whenever you want. It’s not going to nag at you, and it’s not going to you don’t have to face it. You don’t have to be the man; you need to be right, and the reason why women are the way they are when they’re nagging is that you’re not doing what the hell you’re supposed to do, brother, and that’s the hardest one of the hardest things to swallow. I went through a blaming phase after I got the bra. She didn’t do this that our sex life was vanilla. I could think of one time in 14 years we had a hotel date; it was new; it’s great, my God, it was awesome. That’s pretty sad. You could think of one sexual encounter, not a string of them or a period of time, an emotional one. I could tell you break down minute by minute when it started, when it ended, what the acts were right, and then I had to search for myself. I was searching because I don’t want this blaming energy anymore. What do I need to do? Why am I not giving her my best? Why am I not giving her my best? If I needed to be the best husband? I could be why I was not giving her my best? I can’t imagine any realization that it just stunned me. I was never in love with her. Jamie, I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry if you ever hear this, but it all made sense to me if I couldn’t give her my best because if I weren’t in love with her, how could I extend myself in any way? How can I be willing to do the little things that would have mattered to her? and what? Those in the little things that matter to her. That’s part of the seduction that you have to do every day. Absolutely. That’s seductive energy because it’s effortless. You want to do it, and you want them to feel good. You want to do this you’re she’s at the stove cooking something, and you slowly walk by behind her quietly, and you start with your hand at her neck, and you brush your hand down her arm, and you walk away. You send her a three-word text that says you’re on my mind. You come home like a leader and say this coming Friday get a sitter we’re going out, or I’m taking you away for three days. Still, I’m older I didn’t know to figure it out Honey, I got this on this, and you need to do that it’s that first and foremost before a woman is a wife before she’s a she’s an employee, a realtor whatever the case maybe she’s still a girl bro right there’s a there’s this line in Notting Hill one of my favorite movies and so in movies. I didn’t. So here’s the thing about me, and I like to believe that my friends are my closest inner circle: you, Tim, and Arthur. If I am the average of the guys I hang out with, I would like to Believe that you view me as about as alpha and masculine guys you possibly can be, and I’m very in touch with my feminine side as well. I have no shame in that. I love romantic comedies. I can name them all. There’s a line in Notting Hill where Julia Roberts is standing in front of Hugh Grant. She’s this megastar. He’s his humble book owner in Notting Hill, in an emotional scene by which no other woman can do. Maybe Meryl Streep, she says, I’m just the girl asking a boy to love him, and she turns her down. That brother happens every day in some way, shape, or form. It happens every day. That’s when a man is not an alpha.

Doug Holt 25:46  

And then what I find now, in my experience, working with a man is two things happen. One is, guys, start all this bravado, they’ve been told this story, as we talked about to you grind it out, you work so hard, you’re going to get the money, then you’ll be happy. That’s a bag of lies that they were sold that it’s not their fault, and it wasn’t true. They get disconnected from their family, and as they get disconnected, they feel as if it’s just easier to give up. It’s just easier not to because they don’t want to be rejected, and then, of course, the wife, in this case, we’re talking about a married couple, but any woman is going to test them and push back. She’s going to feel withdrawn. He’s scared of getting rejected. She’s now alone and isolated, and that creates a bigger divide where you’re sleeping inches from each other, yet you’re miles apart. Do you know?

Mel Martin 26:41  

Yes. I mean, How many couples do you hear sleeping in separate rooms? I’ll tell you what, that’s nowhere near the pain of sleeping inches from each other and being cold. Yes, there’s no I mean, my dude, what? What is the opposite of rejection? Hero-worship. I’m going to do this, and I’m going to achieve this and become that. Hence, hero worship. Right? Versus rejection. I didn’t do what I was supposed to do, which is why I’m exactly where I am. They can’t, and they can’t see that. Right? Women want to trust a man. They want to trust their partner, and they want to trust inconsistency. There’s a reason why women don’t like whiny, needy men, and there’s a reason why they get turned off on it. Right? If you are a man who stands on his own and can make decisions without and not be afraid of what happens after, they’re tough enough to make the tough decisions because they’re tough enough for what unfolds. I’ll tell you what, that one time when you fall on your knees, she wants to be the person, she wants to be the person to pick you up. I’ve had a woman Tell me straight up, I was down, I wasn’t feeling good whatsoever, and she was in this relationship, and she said these words, she said, don’t worry about that. I’m here to pick you up. That’s my job. Give you an idea of how awesome it is to hear that. Fortunately, I was in such a bad situation. That wasn’t the beginning of our relationship. We ended up on this 18 month, painful journey and lesson for me. Right? 

As to who you don’t want to be when you are with an alpha woman, or just a woman, period, they only have so much bandwidth to give. They only have so much bandwidth to give until you start becoming emasculated, and it’s worse, having affection and sex withheld and held hostage against you. I’m telling you that gap of five, six inches, and you’re in bed, and you’re facing one way she’s facing the other, and you’re craving all this attention and because men are the number one, the most common number one love language for men is touch. Of course. Of course, out of the womb, out of the mom, they breastfeed the whole thing. Of course, it makes sense. Right? It’s translatable energy that it’s part of your origin from way back when man’s boobs were first created. But if you don’t nurture that, and understand it simply by helping yourself and simply by doing acts of self-love to create your value, and understand that you’re flawed, you’re Flotsam, and they’re not looking for you to be perfect. They’re just asking you to be great at what they’re just asking you to be; that’s all they’re asking. If you took a poll of women, most of the time, a woman who’s gone through some shared experience, especially if she’s a single mom, is somewhere between 30 and 40, maybe 45. They’ll tell you they don’t care about the money. 

They don’t. Because if you have the money and you act like a jerk, then you’re still not loving her. Right? But if you have it down, you have a good relationship with yourself. You have a good relationship with food and a good relationship; you respect your body. You have a good relationship with money, value quality time together, and make her feel important regularly as her roles change in her life. I mean just spontaneous, Honey, I have to tell you, we’d be nowhere without you. Thank you for being such a wonderful mom. But you’re still the girl I married. What she just be like, because, again, those seductive moments you do lead up to the moment of truth. Where the kiss becomes effortless, it’s very she shows up for that. Women and men are having sex as much as they want to because women aren’t willing to show up for them at the moment of truth. It’s a responsibility and a chore rather than a pleasurable, fun thing. Loving sex is supposed to be pleasurable and fun. Yep. It’s now become a strained thing, like a foreign object. It’s kidding me. Women 40 and over want sex. They want a lot of it. 30 and over, especially 40, they want a lot of it. A lot of it. Guys figured out. Okay, she’s a little Wait, I listen to these guys. But again, not to dismiss or discredit their pain and their story. That’s part of their healing process. I get it. But eventually, brothers, you need to start looking at yourself as a leader in your marriage. If you can’t lead your marriage, you’re not leading your family because now you’ve dumped all the responsibility on her, and now she’s got to take care of you. Mmm. Really? Just another kid? What’s going to make her want to take her clothes off and wrap herself around? You? Please? Dude. It takes us a whole lot more than just a dozen roses.

Doug Holt 31:48  

A lot more than I love a whole lot more than that.

Mel Martin 31:51  

Brother. Come on now. Yep, and it’s nice to be grand. It doesn’t, and it doesn’t. It’s simple, and it’s a simple little thing. They remember the simple little things anyway. There you go.

Doug Holt 32:02  

No, I love this. You and I have talked about this for hours and do it on, and I love it. So now what I want to do is for the men that haven’t had a chance to meet you or meet us in person, let’s I like to give them a couple of takeaways, two to three takeaways that they could either thoughts or things to think about or action steps that they could take right now. Based on this conversation of how they’re looking at their boardroom or their bedroom, probably more likely on how they’re performing in either area. What can they do right now?

Mel Martin 32:35  

How are you talking to yourself? What’s your language? Right? I never will, and I don’t care for playing Monopoly. We have that amazing game that we play at the office.

Doug Holt 32:45  

That is a lot of fun.

Mel Martin 32:47  

I will never; you’ll never hear me say this and slap me if I ever do. Something goes wrong. I made a bad move. I lost my God, and I’m such a loser. Why’d I done that? I’ll do it. That is a best practice that you have, and you stick to your personal growth when you do that. Because guess what guys? You are exactly that at that moment. That might not seem like a big deal. But you have allowed that identity to be part of you. Language matters. It’s so important. Speak life into who you are. Right? Number two, take care of your body. Take care of your body. It is a simple vessel by which you can feel your brain as a simple vessel by which you can think, right? They have to work together. No, you don’t have to look like Brad Pitt or Arnold Schwarzenegger or frickin Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Just take care. Bye. For Christ’s sake, get it moving. Show her that you care and give her some reason to feel like he’s sexy. I love that. Trust me. If you’re not taking care of yourself, she doesn’t think you’re sexy because it’s more than just your body. It’s how fast you age, how you groom yourself, how your eyes look, how often you smile. What if your body’s firm and tight, and it feels good, and your respiratory system and circulatory system feel healthy and strong? Your ability to make decisions and to assess and receive information rises massively. Again, you want to be an eagle flying above the stressful forest, looking at it from a bird’s eye view and making the decisions, and moving the players in the game that you decide. Or do you want to be the I don’t know the prey on the ground that’s running, looking over your shoulder at all the predators they’re going to take everything away from you? Which one do you want to be? Which one do you want to be? 

I saw a great, great, one of those billionaire success memes. It says if size mattered, an elephant would be the king of the jungle, and it was an elephant and a lion right next to it if size mattered, and my God, right. There are far greater powerful animals than lions. I think I saw somewhere where a rhino could kill a lion easily. Somewhere out of, let’s say, cat. However, when it comes to the mystique of being the alpha, why do we label the lion the alpha? Why? I have never seen an unsexy picture of a lion, even when they’re just shoveled. I have never seen one in which the hairs blowback in the Sahara, or they’re just freaks in Lion King right with Star Wars. Safa was standing on the hill on the rock, and he and all his Granger, how do they portray him? He’s sexy as hell, strong, sleek, svelte. Energy is everything you portray and project outward speaks volumes and arrives hours before you even do physically. It does. Right? So step language, take care of your body, immediately. Those and probably the third. Here’s the toughest one. The single hardest thing to do and the greatest act of self-love is forgiving yourself. Total, dude, I’m telling you, because you will never hit it all on the cylinder on all cylinders. You’re never going to be perfect, fully accepting yourself, your mind, how it’s been conditioned, fully accepting your heart, the way you feel, fully accepting your body, every inch of it. You’re asking a lot of yourself, but what can you do? You totally can. You are the common denominator amongst everything in your life. So why shouldn’t you choose? Why shouldn’t you be the one? Why would you want to leave that up to someone else, especially to an unhappy wife who isn’t showing verbal love to you and the accolades and the hero worship, Brother? You created that.

I look back now, and there are many moments, Doug or I could have done something differently. We probably could still be together. Even if I weren’t in love with her, I could have grown to love her. But I fully didn’t appreciate her as a person, and my relationship with myself was poor too. Right? Hindsight is brilliant, right? But moving forward, if you’re a man in a marriage where my God, I’m the gatekeeper to the community page. Yep. 99% of the time, work-life balance, shutting off the phone level. It’s all about work-life balance, which in and of itself is an illusion and a fallacy. But there was one; there’s always one. How do I get my wife to want me more and love me more? She’s not a science project. Dude. You can’t just put oil in it and turn it on, and all of a sudden, it’s going to do something different. I mean, you’re so far removed from taking responsibility. I had to blow that up. I took a snapshot of it, and on the iPhone, you can circle it. I put it on the ground to talk about this. Right? Don’t Don’t do that. Don’t do that. It’s not her responsibility to be turned on. To turn herself on for you the moment of truth and she’s laying there, or whatever you want her, you want those pennies to go down, and that dress came off. I don’t know about you, but that’s a sexy and fun thing. Suppose you haven’t made it sexy and fun for her to live and be with you and your company. Why in the world would she want to do that in a moment of truth? Why in the world would she want to just hey, the kids are gone? My God, it’s quiet. 

The kids are gone; we got 10 minutes right, but the kids are asleep, and she just saddles up onto you, and you guys make out on the couch, and you just like you were teenagers again. Come on. They love that kind of stuff. They want you to know, and Postman Always Rings Twice right frickin jack Nicholson. The classic scene throws everything off the table, and Jessica Lange throws it around the table at it. I mean, that’s about as savagely primitively as lovemaking as you can be in modern times. Every guy wishes he could do that; every guy wishes to do what he watches in porn. But he can’t not because he doesn’t know how he knows how he’s seen it enough times because he doesn’t have the language within himself and the healthy connection with her to be able to express that in their intimacy and say Honey, how can I please you more? When will I do this? Is this how you would like to receive it? To have a completely comfortable conversation with sex. I have to tell you women love to talk about sex as much as they love to do it. Just listen to them with their girlfriends. They are brutal. Right they’ll talk about what ain’t good before they tell you what is good going on at home. Right, don’t tell me. Don’t rip yourself apart first. Before they talk about girls, damn me. She does it. All right before they get to that, they’re shredding you already, right? So if you can get it, I mean, if you can get on Instagram sex coach Kane lovely woman, she breaks down amazing dialogue anyway there you go.

Doug Holt 40:17  

Awesome stuff now; as we said, we could go on and on; we’re going to have to have you back, and one thing that people don’t know about you probably is you’ve been through The Activation Method yourself.

Mel Martin 40:29  


Doug Holt 40:30  

Twice been through it all, and now as a master coach, lives in life in the what us preach man you walk the walk. I

Mel Martin 40:37  

Love having you on; you’re so kind.

Doug Holt 40:39  

Thank you. Well, I’m just honest. So guys, take what you have here from Mellon, those points, and re-listen to this and think about the way you are in the boardroom directly reflects the way you are in the bedroom and vice versa. We’d love to know what you think. Go over to The Activation Method Facebook group, and let us know your thoughts on how things are panning out, and you can have a conversation right there with Mel Martin. Mel, thanks again for being with us. Man. That’s a wrap for us today.

Mel Martin 41:08  

Much love. Thank you.


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