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Why Success is Not Always Sexy

Episode #22

“The most powerful force in the entire universe is compounded interest”

In this week’s episode, Tim & Doug share another invaluable conversation that will empower your mindset and improve your business and personal when put to action.

How often are we sold the dream of success and what does that dream look like… most likely you are visualizing the “sexy” success story; money, cars, women, big houses. This, however, is simply a dream we’ve been sold via marketing. Marketing also sells us the dream that this can be done instantly and that your success can be overnight.

The truth is that success isn’t sexy. While success may give you the ability to possess some of the above, maintained success is a day in day out of crafting and refining your skills.

Getting away from the ‘sexy’ dream of success involves changing your mindset and listening to this episode can be the first step on your path to changing. You will hear about the most common mistakes men make and how they set specific goals, reach them, and fail to make set the next goal, which means they slowly return to a treadmill lifestyle with no plan and constantly chasing shiny objects and looking for the shortcut to success.

When you change your mindset and realize what success is really about, you can improve your business and personal life massively. Doug shares a real-life story of a business owner who was in the habit of looking for shortcuts and chasing shiny objects and discusses how he changed his mindset and his business multiplied.

Things you will discover in this episode

    • The biggest mistakes we make when trying to achieve the success we want.
    • Why consistency is key to any success story
    • There are no shortcuts in life
    • The importance of mindset
    • How to avoid looking for shortcuts
    • Ways to consistently refill your cup
      • How to avoid days becoming a haze
    • One thing you can do right now to achieve the success you want


Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.

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Episode Transcript

Tim Matthews  0:00  

Even if somebody gets a massive windfall of investment or something, let’s do the work within themselves to a level that on the internal game to be in alignment with that level of success and money and you know positioning so they can handle it. All that would happen is that it just came crashing back down. The reality is there are only no shortcuts.

Doug Holt  0:24  

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, “The Powerful Man” Matthews. Tim, how’s it going? Brother?

Tim Matthews  0:34  

Fantastic. Very well, indeed. You? 

Doug Holt  0:37  

Both fantastic and very well, indeed. I’m doing great man, just got back from a tremendous workout, doing my morning routine, and had a chance with you, and I have been bantering back and forth all morning. So that’s always fun, giving each other a little bit of a hard time and pushing through with the movement. So today, it’s been a great day. So far, it’s only 8 am here in the States.

Tim Matthews  0:59  

Boom! That’s how we roll. 

Doug Holt  1:01  

That is how we roll. So, Tim, you threw the topic on the table today. And the topic today is why success isn’t always sexy. So tell me more about that.

Tim Matthews  1:11  

Yeah, so what brought this up for me is that I struggled with a lot and something that then used to derail me and something that we often see the men struggling with when we first work with them. And again, something that has derailed them often too. And that is the belief system, that when I achieve a certain goal, whether it’s in a certain milestone in 12 weeks, let’s say that the goal is to drop a start of body fat, let’s just say it’s that. If I put all my happiness and all my significance and joy into achieving that one outcome, what happens when I get there? When I get there, I’ll then fall off the wagon because I’ve achieved it. And now my whole well-being, if you will, mental, spiritual, emotional, was dependent on that. And then also what happens is, because I’m sort of transfixed on that, and reliant on it to give me something, then I’m very, I can become very impatient in the process. And the reality is with success, not being sexy, losing that stone of body fat, it’s not about losing that stone of body fat, we hear this, so often it’s about the journey, and the same within The Powerful Man within our movement, that the journey is the destination. And the truth is, as soon as you lose that stone of body fat, there’s gonna be another girl, and another girl, and another girl and that’s okay, you know, it’s awesome to have that level of striving and to be an achiever, that’s awesome. 

But for as long as you delay your happiness until you achieve something, you’re forever gonna be delaying your happiness. And that’s when we start to become unfulfilled, and we’re forever chasing things, and we become quite exhausted. When we first start work with a man, because, you know, that’s the position they’re in, they’ve exhausted all of these things outside of themselves, that they thought we’re gonna give them happiness, whether it’s money, women, drugs, homes, holidays, cars, whatever it is. And the reality is the journey is the destination, and that requires consistency. And requires dropping the belief system, you know, when you get to a certain place that is going to be sexy, and you’re going to look the part, and that’s where you’re going to have the status and the significance and all those kinds of things that come with it. Because it’s a constant, day by day process of sharpening the saw, doing what works, do more of what works, doing less of what doesn’t work, constantly reviewing each day, reflecting, refilling, and being in control of your spiritual, emotional, and physical well being, so that you are the one that gives yourself those feelings, not something outside of you. And when you’re in that space as we see with the manners, and as I have come to learn and might learn in my journey, that is when you are then able to be consistent. That is when you can achieve these huge, audacious goals surely takes some time. 

But if you want to fall for the fable, that success is sexy, and you can get it quickly. It’s a really exciting process, which at times is growth can be really fun and exciting. But also, you know, it’s that discipline that focuses on continuing to do the same thing day in, day out. That, when you apply that over time, compounds and completely changes your life. However, if you chase the immediate gratification because you need those balls, then often what people do is they’ll change direction. Chase something shiny, and they won’t even get into momentum. Now momentum is mass velocity, the depth of the action you’re taking, and the speed at which you take it. That compounded over time, living with balance can be consistent and completely changes lives. It completely shifts industries, transforms relationships, so you spoke about your marriage a hell of a lot, every day, you’re in there working on it every day, whether it’s awareness, or communication, or whatever it is, every day, bit by bit. But that’s not a sexy story to sell, is it? That’s not how it works, if you will, from a selling perspective, but it’s the reality. We see the biggest results with the man within The Brotherhood, with those who do the basics of doing well and do them consistently, day by day. So the reason why I bring this to the table is I’ve never actually had this discussion with you. Now I want to know what your take on this subject is; I know many successful people have surrounded you. You’ve achieved great things in your life. And I want to know your take on this is. 

Doug Holt  7:03  

Well, Tim on Facebook, and in my Facebook feed, it tells me the exact opposite. Right? It’s a bunch of guys and jet planes and driving Lamborghinis. And all you need is a funnel, an email system, something else, and you’re instantly successful overnight, right? You’re traveling the Bahamas with beautiful women on your side. All you’re doing is partying, and it only takes about a week’s worth of work, and you’re golden. That’s not how it works. So yeah, to answer your question; obviously, that’s not how it works. And I’ve been very fortunate to be around a lot of successful people. And the truth is the people that if you go on holiday, or you go on vacation. You’re seeing people that are successful in the area of money, wealth, or happiness, and even the truth is the things that they’ve done today to get there aren’t sexy at all; you don’t see them. The common story we always hear about our actors or actresses or musicians, right, overnight success, they came out of nowhere. I think it was Kid Rock who was talking about it. And he came out with an album; I’m dating myself, but I remember him being this overnight success coming out of nowhere, and he was winning all these awards. Things like you guys didn’t know that for 15 years I’ve been traveling playing shows every single day, 15 years of honing his craft to be successful overnight, playing at dive bars, playing at places he didn’t want to, play when he was sick, being in the studio, doing those little things consistently practicing his music and his craft, even when he didn’t want to. 

The same goes with business; business is an art and science brought together. And it’s something you need to work on every single day. Back to this morning, I was at the gym. And while I was working out when I did my warm-up, I listened to an audiobook. And I was revisiting an old audiobook that I’ve had. And the reason I was doing that because I wanted to get just 1% better information that I could apply not only to my businesses but also to the men we work with. I see this time and time again. A great book called The Millionaire Next Door talks about how most millionaires don’t drive fancy cars. Most millionaires don’t have flashy clothes. This is studies, right? They’ve done the science, right? They’ve done the studies. Most of these millionaires who are successful and wealthy don’t know it. And one of the most successful people that I know financially drove a beat-up pickup truck, not beat up, but you know, it kind of did it because it was a fun thing for him. Not to be flashy, not to show off. Eventually, you got a nice pickup truck, a nice one. But the point is he could afford any car he wanted in the world, and he chose a truck. And the reason is, it is the hit singles every single day to get successful. He constantly worked. And he didn’t want to be flashy, right? He didn’t want to show off. I think that’s where a lot of the men, us men, particularly get caught up is we’re shown this James Bond type world where it’s fast women, fast cars, and fast money. 

And I just happened at a young age overnight. And he had, it looks great. But the reality is, that’s what sells movies. That’s what sells marketing. Tell us marketing guys get you to buy stuff, right? There’s another person in the men’s movement, I won’t mention their names one of the bigger companies in the men’s movement, but they’re selling you suits, they’re selling you planes that you know, the guy that’s a spokesperson drives around a fancy car, they’re selling you this highlife, which that doesn’t exist for them. Some marketing expenses the area, I know where they live, the area they live in. And that’s not the style. And that’s not what they do every single day. They’re doing that for marketing because that sells; they’re selling a dream that you can have this too, even though they don’t possess it. And so I think it’s important for the men listening not to get caught up in that and listen to what you have to say it’s like baseball here in the United States is, you hit singles, the guy that can hit the most singles consistently wins the game every time. Right, you don’t need to swing for the fences. 

Hey, guys, I didn’t interrupt this show because I want to talk to you about a case study we put together; it’s only 11 minutes. And what we do is we go over and show you how almost 300 men have taken control of their lives, have already 4X business revenue, and are having more connected intimate sex with their partner using The Activation Method. And they’re doing all this without burning down their relationships. And without suffering and sacrificing their health. We want you to have this too. So go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus that’s ThePowerfulMan.com/bonus, and it’s going to show you exactly how these men have done it. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.

Tim Matthews  12:05  

One thing that you said that came to my mind is just there are no shortcuts. Often, one of the biggest lessons I’ve read is, as I’ve been taking my health and wellness to another level. And I’ve been looking at these guys in the gym who are really in shape. But when I say in shape, what that means to me is you’ve got a lean body, you’re strong, you’re fit, you’re flexible, you’re rested well, you’ve got a great emotional and spiritual connection. So it was the holistic approach; a long time ago, I used to just be about having big biceps, big chest, and that’s cool. If that’s what your version is, I’m not slamming that. I’m just painting the picture of what is desirable for me right now. And so look at these guys who I believe have that now that may not have that, but they do have elements of that, i.e., you can see they’re flexible, I can see what they’re doing. I can see that they are strong and fit, and they’re lean. 

As I’m looking at them, what I used to tell myself many years ago was, “Ah, there must be on steroids. There must have taken steroids, or he must be on fat burners or some story to make myself feel better when the reality is, they’re just doing the work—watching what they eat. They’re eating well, and they’re resting well. They get in the gym, and they’re doing the workouts, living a balanced life, they’re just doing the work. That’s the reality. And anyone in business that’s a real leader in that industry. That there’s no shortcut there, even if somebody gets a huge windfall of investment or something unless they do the work within themselves top-level that on an internal game to align with that level of success and money and to the position they can handle it. All that would happen is that it just came crashing back down. We see that with lottery winners, don’t we? they get propelled to a level that they’re not able to feel too uncomfortable being around because they’ve not done the work to come crashing back down. So the reality is, there just are no shortcuts. They’re just on, and whatever stories we want to tell, I’ll still talk about myself. I have a story I used to want to tell myself was just to make me feel better.

Doug Holt  14:41  

Well, it’s so true, right? It all comes down to mindset. We all want it. It’s human nature to want a shortcut. I mean, crap. They have six-minute abs, right. It’s a big thing; I think in the 80s, even shows made parodies about Oh, we’ll do five-minute apps that will be our selling point. The point is we do. I want shortcuts all the time, right human nature. But the truth is, when you’re looking for success, there are two things. As you said, you have to do the work consistently; you have to have a good plan. By the way, you can’t just go do work and just be busy; you have to have a good plan strategy, you have to execute that plan consistently. And you have to work on your mindset. And mindset, make no mistake about it mindset is like anything else, it’s like going to the gym, you know, you don’t just go to the gym for a week, get ripped, and then decide, okay, I don’t have to work out ever again. That’s what many men, you know, think they go through a program, and they’ve done. Right. And obviously, they have more skills, but you’re just chipping away at the layers, you know, and I just got a call from a guy. Tim, I won’t say his name in The Brotherhood

This morning, he called me last night and left me a message. And I listened to it this morning on my way to the gym. And he went to go see a client, who traditionally, they were very happy that they were able to sell that client for products, right for items in their product line. And so he’s been putting in the mindset to work. We’ve been working on abundance, money mindset, as well as some sales and business techniques. So personal development married into business development. And I say we, I mean, the whole coaching staff of The Powerful Man. And so the voice message that he left me and you’ll know who I’m talking about, you can celebrate with me with him. He left that conversation again, really hoping just to keep those four items within their stock these; this client changed his paradigm, worked on his mindset, and walked out of that meeting by signing a contract for over 40 new items on top of the original form. I mean, come on. Anybody that’s been doing business for any length of time sees the significance of that. That’s a legit 10 x. And not only that, but that’s just one client. 

He said, “You know what, Doug? After that, they told me about a couple of other people to go talk to.” Now how does this tie into doing the work? The point is that he used to rely on shortcuts, taking this seminar, taking this course, doing these things that promise short, quick outcomes. And then, he went through The Activation Method. And that’s where we told him the truth, like, “Hey, you’ll be going to change like you never have before in The Activation Method. We’re starting with fundamentals. And this is not a quick fix.” So if you’re looking at taking The Activation Method, you guys listening to this, you’re looking for a quick fix. It’s just not what it is. You’re gonna have massive changes in your life and paradigm movements. But he kept working on it every day at the stuff that he learned at The Activation Method, along with some new tools. And it built him to a legitimate 10X in his business. And here we are in March. And he’s only been three months, three months since he’s been out, and he’s already 10 x his first sale. Amazing, and it all is about him stepping up to the plate every single day and hitting singles, whether he’s tired, but he’s not feeling well. He was putting in the unsexy work behind the scenes. And now he gets to reap the rewards. That’s amazing.

Tim Matthews  18:10  

Wow, that’s amazing, God. Gonna reach out to him and congratulate him. As you talked, then one of the main things that came to mind is Einstein; what did he say? He used to say that the most powerful force in the universe is compounded interest. There was a story I heard about this a while ago; what would you rather have? Would you rather have somebody walk up to you in the street today and give you a million pounds in your bank? Or would you rather have the penny that doubles every day for 30 days? Now, logically, like, “Well, shit, give me the million pounds in my bank. I’m all for that.” But if you actually do the math and do the work and just stick at it, day by day, by day 30, I can’t remember the exact number. But the penny doubled every day to be about five to 5 million or above. It’s something crazy dwarfs the 1 million pounds, whatever the figure is, but the point I’m making here is it only starts to dwarf that figure by day 26, 27, 28 it jumps and starts to be above a million, then it doubles again on day 29. Doubles again on day 30, doubles on day 31. And this is what starts to happen for those first 27, 28 days. It wasn’t sexy; it was beneath the 1 million pounds, but he kept going, and the more that we do this, the more of a powerful position we put ourselves in another key for you. 

Well, there are a lot of keys to doing this. But one of the main keys is that you can be filling your cup, reflecting, and refilling every day and every week for an absolute minimum. Why is that important? Because when you’re able to reflect, you start to see your wins, you start to see how well you’re performing, you’re able to make little pivot changes, and learn from the lessons daily. So you’re not continually solving the same problem day in, day out. And then you’re able to refill your cup. You’re not reliant on that milestone that you’re hit to feel, so where when you get that you’re not delaying your happiness until you reach that point, the reality is, you’re going to reach that point much easier, and much faster, by feeling much better. Now, you’re gonna be more inspired, and you’re going to be more creative, you have more clarity, more confidence, everything’s going to be so much benefit. So for you to be in that step, you’ve got to be able to reflect and refill. Without those two things every day, it just turns into hairs. And yeah, you’re getting stuff done, but you’re busy, you’re not productive, and you’re doing it in a balanced way. And as a result, that’s where you can lose perspective, and you want to turn to things like alcohol or whatever is TV, porn, whatever. To give you those feelings that you’re not able, you are able; you just got to learn how to give yourself.

Doug Holt  21:30  

I love that story about compound interest, and everything you said is so on point. I googled it while you were talking as well, because obviously, we’re by a computer, and you’re spot on; it’s not till day 28 that that math makes any sense. And it’s 5,368,709 is the number and 12 cents, or 12, pennant, whatever you want to say, depending on your monetary value, but that’s amazing. There are two types of men in this world, Tim, there are men that will listen to this, and agree or disagree, whatever, but they won’t take action. And then there are other men, the other men who will listen to something like this and then take massive action in their life. They’ll take massive action, go over, and go to the Facebook group, and they’ll schedule a call with yourself or Andrew to have a conversation about The Activation Method. And they’ll put in the work daily. So for those men that the second men that you know that I’m talking about, gentlemen, what is one thing you can do right now, that you could, if done consistently, in both your business and personal lives, will allow you to achieve the success that you want in your world? If done consistently in your business and your personal life, what is that one thing that will allow you to achieve success as you define it in your business and personal world? And also, what are you doing besides this podcast? To upgrade your mindset? With that, Tim, is there anything else you’d like to leave these men with?

Tim Matthews  23:04  

No, I’m all done.

Doug Holt  23:09  

That was beautifully said, my brother. Alright, guys. Well, thank you again for another fun episode. Tim. Thanks. As always, it’s just I love hashing these ideas out and recording them in. Guys, all the feedback that you give us is so monumental, and the women some of you guys don’t know but allow your wives or girlfriends are listening to this and giving us feedback like, Man, I wish How do I get my husband or my boyfriend or my fiance into something like The Activation Method. So guys, if you hear the women dropping little hints, chances are they’re listening to this podcast, and they want you to step into your greatest life. With that, we’ll see you next time.