Break the Rules!

Episode #83

Success does not always mean having material things, making a lot of money and getting that feeling of significance and respect from other people. Many financially successful people are unhappy because they became exhausted hustling and working hard thinking that these things will make them happy.

There are so many rules in place that are holding them back and that makes their life monotonous. The more money they make, the more they become unhappy because these rules take them away farther from the real essence of what it means to be a human being. This void cannot be filled with material things. Fill this void within by breaking the rules and give yourself permission to experience spontaneous fun.

People oftentimes feel the need to be busy all the time where they think that having fun is a waste of time and money. They do not realize that sometimes while making fun, more creative ideas pop up. If you bring fun or joy in most areas of your life like in work, you will make a lot more progress.

Do not depend on your happiness on anything or anyone. We don’t need anything else outside ourselves to experience joy. We have the joy and fun inside us, we just need to learn to generate it and show it.

What you will learn in this episode:

  1. Allowing yourself to experience spontaneous fun
  2. How to bring fun to yourself and to others
  3. Knowing what really makes you happy
  4. Importance of incorporating fun in most areas of your life


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Episode Script

Tim Matthews 0:00  

You love her unconditionally. So your love her without condition. Without anything needing to happen or having to do anything. Same with having fun, if you could have unconditional fun. How might life look different? What might not even open you up to in other areas of your life? Welcome guys to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Tim, “The Powerful Man,” Matthews. Here, joining me with my co-host for today is Mr. Arthur Magoulianiti. Arthur, how are you doing, brother?

Arthur Magoulianiti 0:37

I’m a good brother. Hello listeners. Are you doing any better?

Tim Matthews 0:44

No, not quite. Although the great thing is, you’re listening to this. This means I’ve been able to twist Arthur’s arm and jump on again, which is excellent. After you brought up a great topic when we decided what to share with the listeners on this one, so was the topic of having fun. So tell me a little bit more about the conversation you had with Penny and what it is you want to share right now?

Arthur Magoulianiti 1:11 

Yeah, it’ll pick up off the last podcast we did, and it’s all about having that spontaneous fun. I was speaking with Penelope and just said like “sometimes in life, we give ourselves so many rules that we have to check off before we can have fun.” Well, these things speak to me. It just seems for me and perhaps for Penny as well, he was just like, “Yeah, to be spontaneous, to have fun, it’s just an amazing thing.” Of course, I’ve had fun in my life for ten years finding all of that, and those are usually the best moments. Yet when we get caught up in the practicalities of energy, running around with the kids, and we had work and doing this, it somehow seems that we have to check everything off before we can relax and have that fun. It’s just a topic that’s come up because, at the alpha research, the one we just had. We spoke about jumping in puddles and how much fun we had just done that. That breaks a couple of society’s rules about jumping in with clean clothes and in white trainers. Then also, there’s over the weekend. I leaped out of what we did then and decided I would jump in the pool with all my clothes on in front of my two kids and their two cousins. It felt great at the moment just to break those kinds of inverted commas rules that we have about how to get into a pool. The funniest part was getting out and seeing the four kids with eyes wide open, thinking my dad and my uncle had lost it. He has lost the plot completely, and either he’s had too much to drink, or something’s going on, but this is not normal behavior. I think that’s what we’re talking about—having this so-called normal behavior rule our lives and preventing us just from having spontaneous fun.

Tim Matthews 3:07

Yeah, I love it. I bet the Petro those guys’ faces were priceless. Oh my god, I would love to have seen that thought of Ingrid.

Arthur Magoulianiti 3:17

Yeah, that was cool. It was just like, “Oh my god, there’s something wrong with this man.” Scarily, the first thing that came up to their mind was that they saw there was something in my pocket, and they all started shouting at your phone. Which is a stark reminder of where we are today that the furniture is so much attachment that they all straightaway got over the shock of “Okay, he wet his clothes now what’s the repercussions of that?” Oh man! he screwed up his phone. Luckily it wasn’t my phone in my pocket? I knew that before I jumped in.

Tim Matthews 3:53

Break the rules but do it the right way.

Arthur Magoulianiti 3:55

Yeah, I even took off my shoes.

Tim Matthews 4:00 

That’s correct. I wonder what prevented those guys from jumping in with you?

Arthur Magoulianiti 4:05 

Probably the same things. They’d already be in the pool that already swam. I think that they already like had the shower and dressed up for the evening pajamas or whatever. It was probably like, we’ve had a turn. We’ve all cleaned up now. That’s another line become break right now. That’s a great question. That is like, which I didn’t think of in the time, because they would have loved to have jumped in straight afterward breaking the rules, but I didn’t encourage that; I just climbed out. Whereas maybe I should have stayed in and said, “Come on. Are you going to join me? Aren’t you? “Actually, yeah, that would have been an even better move.

Tim Matthews 4:46

Yeah, it reminds me of a moment last year when I was at the network for transformational leaders in cancer. At nighttime, when we got back, it was almost like a bit of complexity that we rented out. It was like 10, 11, 12 villas in a pool. When we got back from being out doing a wine tasting, everyone went into a pool with the clothes on, and the best part about this, we were all in. About six of us instead in a circle, hands joined up, all going back and forth, creating this giant whirlpool of water. It was so hilarious. The memory I’ve got right now of it was just in absolute stitches, laughing our heads off, just being so stupid and silly, and laughing at the fact that we’re all in this pool. It’s late at night, and watching as waves that we created just splash everyone in the face and just break the rules, having that fun. The pools were cordoned off. We weren’t supposed to go in there, but that’s a kind of different element of breaking the rules, right? It was great, just the simple nature of it. We see it time and time again with Amanda, and we come into the program, this distance and conditional fun. It’s almost like conditional love, right? You don’t love your wife, and just for the listeners, Penelope is Arthur’s wife. You love her unconditionally. So you live without condition, without anything needing to happen or having to do anything. Same with having fun. If you could have unconditional fun, how might life look different? What might that then open you up to in other areas of your life?

Arthur Magoulianiti 6:38

And it’s interesting too because there are two parts to this. One is like having a really serious personality, which is something I’ve suffered. I was like, get a hold-up, I’m getting a little bit sillier, which is a great way to do it. But there’s a lot of guys that bring a lot of seriousness to their life, and they’re just serious. It’s like they’d been told in some rulebook that you have to be serious about life because life is serious, or something like that. Yet, if you bring joy, if you bring fun to almost all of the areas in your life, you’re just going to make so much more progress and make it so in such a better way. Bring a little bit of fun, and playfulness, and joyfulness to your relationships. Do the same the work and your colleagues. We’re not saying I don’t take it seriously. Not mean, don’t take it professionally. But do you always have to be so serious about it? It’s like the booby prize in life is serious, and what’s the point? You don’t earn any prizes for being serious. But you can have so much fun and create so much more by being playful in all areas of your life.

Tim Matthews 7:56 

I love it. It’s almost like the old model of what it meant to be successful and what it took to be successful. The old mantra and the old message within personal development were all around perseverance, and motivation, and hustle, and grind, and you got to get up at 4 am. You don’t go to bed until 10 pm, and it was all taken a lot of pride in how much pain almost he could persevere and how much he could tolerate to then achieve success. Success was then this thing that came in the form of cars, houses, suits, watches, and women, and that’s when you made it, as we have found out, that it isn’t the works. Otherwise, if it was, men right now would have been the unhappiest that they’ve ever been in the history of this planet, and obviously, we know that because the figures were suicide, right? So it’s almost like dating as well; what it means to be successful? Also, the journey. You are questioning the paradigm that “Okay, to be successful” quote-unquote. Whatever that means to you—whether it is the money in the home, and the cars, and the holidays. Then I’ve got to show up this way, and it’s me versus them, and I’ve got to beat them, so I’ve got to be more serious, or be more of a poker face, whatever you want to call it. Then when I do that, that’s what I want to make money for. Then when I make money, that’s when I’ll get the respect, significance, love, adoration, and all those things that will make me feel like a man, quote-unquote. Yet, as we all know, that point never arrives because it’s so conditional and so reliant on something outside of yourself that he never actually lands even when you have the homes, and the holidays, and the cars, and the watches, and whatever else. You still feel this void within because that void within cannot be filled with anything outside of yourself, and one of the ways to fill that void is to break the rules. Like you said to permit yourself to have this spontaneous form. One of the guys that last alpha reset said, “Yep, that’s it. So every Friday at four o’clock, we’re going to have fun.” Well, it doesn’t quite work like that. You can’t plan it in. You can do some fun things yet introduce that playful nature. So for you, Arthur, my good friend, how do you introduce more of that playful nature into your everyday life?

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Arthur Magoulianiti 11:13 

I think it’s just creating space daily where I can decide at the moment. Actually, what would I enjoy doing right now? What do I love doing, and doing that? So but it all requires, I think, for me, it’s making sure that I have that space in the first place. I’m saying that maybe there’s more to that because I can bring joy at the moment whereby I don’t need the space for that. I think this is an important distinction because we can generate this joy at any moment that we want. We don’t need something outside of ourselves to experience joy. We can bring joy to ourselves. We can bring joy to another person around us. So I think it’s just really two parts to this. One is reminding ourselves that yes, we can generate joy and to do that more often. Be more playful with Penelope. Be more playful with the kids. Be more silly with the kids. They love that. Even with Penelope, be a little bit more silly. Not all the time. You got to know when to be that and what kind of humor to bring at what point. So we can always generate joy at the moment; I truly believe that we can do that. I think also having the space in our day where we can then decide at that moment. Okay, I’d rather go walk on the beach, go running the waves, go jump in the pool, whatever ways that you might feel in that moment. But I think that comes from having that space in one’s day as well.

Tim Matthews 12:50 

What do you think are the things that are holding them back from having this joy?

Arthur Magoulianiti 12:56  

I think many people need certain things to be in place before they allow themselves to relax and enjoy. I got to get this thing done, and then I got to get this work done. We often find many people are caught up in needing to feel like they are busy all the time. Which obviously, you don’t need to be all busy all the time to move forward to succeed, as long as the kind of work you’re doing is inspired work instead of just the busy work. So I think many people feel guilty when they’re not working, even if they don’t have work to do at that moment. They feel guilty because they’re not working. I think a lot of people get caught up in that having, “I need to do this, and then I can relax, and then I can have fun.” Back to what we were saying earlier on, it’s the rules that people employ, and different people will have different rules.

Tim Matthews 13:55  

I think men tend to get quite scared as well. Well, if I have more fun, that means I’m going to waste time. I’m going to be wasting time when I could be working. Suppose I have more fun than then means that now I’m going to lay my head down. I’m not going to get as much done. I’m not going to make as much money, and then it goes back to that same root belief, doesn’t it? What does it mean to be a success to you? If it means that you have to have all this money to fill a void, then obviously, you’re going to keep on chasing that. Yet, in reality, we see time and time again with the guys. We’re fortunate enough to work with the men that now, for the most part, have achieved their version of financial success. Sure, they’ve still got goals they want to achieve in that area. But for the most part, you’ve got businesses turnover usually anywhere between what made six figures to seven, sometimes eight figures, and they’ve made money, and they’re not happy. The more money they make, the less happy they become. Because they started to exhaust more and more on the things that they thought were going to make them happy, and their life has become so monotonous, that there are so many rules in place, so many structures in place, that are really holding them back and taking them further away from the real essence of what it means to be a human being. 

Which is to be spontaneous sometimes and have that fun. I love what you were saying about creating a space to ask yourself, what is it that you want to do? I think that’s a powerful awareness and ability to have. I do something similar, and I’ve now started to pack up my laptop and smother my journal and things because when I go to the gym in the morning, sometimes I don’t feel I want to come back to the office and work. So I go and work from my favorite coffee shop or work from somewhere overlooking a lake or wherever. I just allow myself to tune in and follow a walk when I’m feeling called to be. It’s just that simple act of breaking the rule of I’ve got to be in my office. Just that simple act that it’s like a muscle, isn’t it right? The more you listen to yourself, the stronger the voice gets, the more it’s okay to do it. In fact, the more you do it, the better life becomes, the more you want to do it. It’s a challenge at first because you’re like, should I jump in the pool? Should I jump in puddles? But I don’t know about you; when I was jumping in puddles, I was out of my head, completely. I was just so in the moment, running, searching for puddles, jumping in with both feet, looking down, and splashing me up in my face. I just loved it. It was so refreshing to break the rules and just do something. Otherwise, I would have put so many boxes and rules around me again from doing.

Arthur Magoulianiti 17:08  

Yeah, and the thing is, I think there’s this evidence out there that shows that when you’re actually in your bliss when you’re doing stuff that you love, and when you’re not like focused on working, you get more creative. If running is your thing, how many people have said, I had this amazing idea out there, or how many people get great ideas, or discussions happen on the golf course. We’re now out having fun. That there’s very real good science behind this, when you’re sitting at your desk trying to think your way through, trying to force your way through a problem, or an event, or to create something. When you’re out there being in bliss, in your flow, in doing stuff you love, you enjoy so many more creative ideas pop up. They just pop up out of either maybe it’s from your heart. Who knows, but it pops up, and you wouldn’t have had that sitting at your desk grinding it out.

Tim Matthews 18:08

So true. I mean, the science panned, I guess well, one of the brainwaves as well. When you’re more relaxed, and the state of coherency then goes into, and how it then opens you up. There is science out there, guys. Suppose you need science to just appease the mind and give you logic than this. You’re right; there’s some great science out there. So what are some things that these the listeners, the guys that listening to this, and it’s resonating with them and feeling a bit uptight? They know they could have more fun. Maybe they have those dreaded words from the wife that “You so serious these days, are your just like your dad.” No one says those words, right? So what are some things that these guys can do in three steps, listeners can start to do immediately to experience more joy and fun in their life?

Arthur Magoulianiti 19:00

I think straight off, and the first thing is just to smile. Just smile more. It’s the easiest, simplest thing that most of us get to do. Just smile at other people. It’s becoming weird for some risk managers, you think like, what are they thinking? What are they up to? What do they want? When you are smiling from your heart, your eyes shine, and people can feel your energy. So straight off just smiling, bring a smile to it. Ask yourself number two, how can I make this more enjoyable? How can I have more fun doing this? Whether it’s doing your job, whether it’s your relationship, whether it’s in your exercise program, what can I do to make this more fun? Three, I think, is to create some slots in your schedule, where you can decide at the moment what you want to do. I think you’ve got to plan the time, but don’t plan what you’re going to do. Just decide that at the moment, right? Right now, this is what I feel like doing, and I’ll do it. Include your partners in this. Smiling at your partner more will help, being more playful with your partner will help, and going out together being spontaneous doing something on the spur of the moment that’s going to help. So I guess those three ideas are just there.

Tim Matthews 20:23

Yeah, I love it. It takes small muscles to frown than just to smile, right?

Arthur Magoulianiti 20:26

Yeah, that’s what they say. I mean, when everyone around the table is having fun and smiling with your kids, everyone just enjoys it. One, of course, it’s fun. So we need to introduce a lot more but more jumping the puddles, more jumping in the pool with clothes on, more games, more fun in doing most fun stuff with friends and family. It’s not going to hurt.

Tim Matthews 21:0

I love it. So there you go, guys. Some great tangible action points you can take away and use. Arthur, thank you so much. Thank you for bringing this topic to the table. I think it is a great one. One that’s much needed for everybody, not just man. So, guys, that’s another episode of The Powerful Man show. Thank you for joining us, and make sure you join us again next time.

Arthur Magoulianiti 21:24

Cheers guys. Thanks


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