Is this as good as it gets?
Have you ever found yourself questioning:
‘Is this as good as it gets?’
If you have, then you’re not alone.
Looking back at the hundreds of men that have gone through The Activation Method, I’d say every one of them came to us wrestling with this question, and the worst part about it, they did it in silence.
Every day they woke up, took a deep breath, put on their mask and went into the office hoping that today was going to be the day that the nagging voice inside would finally go away.
But, with every day, they grew weaker, and the nagging voice grew stronger, and it gradually ate away at them like a termite slowly eating away at the roots of a tree until, eventually, there is nothing left.
Who paid the price? Their loved ones. The people who they cared for the most; the people who they were doing all of this for; the people who loved them.
You see, for years they strived and achieved in business, but no matter what they achieved it always left them wanting more. To everyone else, they looked like they had it all – the car, the homes, the holidays, the family, the business. But behind closed doors it never felt like enough, their success never landed and no matter what they achieved they struggled to feel proud for their accomplishments.
Every time they plucked up the courage to speak out and come clean they were shot down by the people closest to them.
‘Come on, what have you got to complain about? You have a beautiful wife, great kids, a business that runs without you, health and a great home. Quit complaining, most people would love to be in your position’.
What could they say?
It was true, most people would love to be in their position, they did have a beautiful wife, great kids, a business that ran without them, health and a great home, regardless, they couldn’t shake it.
The problem is, for years, they chased the elusive carrot on the stick, hoping that someday, when they hit a particular goal that’s when they’d be happy, but, someday never arrived. The more they achieved, the worse they felt. The more they produced, the more they exhausted the ideas of what they thought was going to make them happy and the more frustrated they became.
Maybe you can relate?
If you can, then you’ll know how tiring this gets.
The passion you once had for your business turns to resentment, the presence you once had for your wife turns to distance and the patience you once had for your kids turns to short-tempered outbursts.
The people closest to you end up paying the price for the void that you’re feeling inside.
You felt lost, lonely and empty, unable to speak to anyone close to you because every time you do you’re told to quit complaining and get on with it. They don’t understand. The longer it goes on, the worse you feel, and the more you lose interest. You watch as the world around you starts to fall apart and you can’t do anything about it.
Ashamed, guilty, hopeless, helpless.
This isn’t the man that you are, yes this is the man that you’ve become, but it’s not the powerful man that you were born to be.
Imagine this for a second…
Let’s say that you want to get to the moon and when you set off from earth you’re only one degree off the proper flight path, this means you end up missing the moon by 4169 miles (nearly twice the diameter of the moon) by being just one degree off course.
Here’s the reality, you’re one degree away from having it all.
What if, you could make one small adjustment and be exactly where you want to be?
Here’s your one-degree shift…
What if all of this time you’ve been solving the wrong problem?
What if the real reason why you got into business wasn’t to make money, but in fact, to prove yourself?
How would that have changed how you’ve navigated your journey?
The cars, the homes, the holidays, the women, the watches – all worthless if on the inside you feel worthless too.
Every day I work with men who, behind the bravado, just want to be loved.
Men in construction, scaffolding, sports, technology, recruitment, finance, IT. They all want one thing – love.
They want to feel proud of who they are and what they’ve achieved, they want to look in the mirror, smile, and love the man looking back.
For years they thought they’d get this by making money and buying extravagant things they don’t actually need. For years they struggled as a lone wolf, priding themselves on being able to handle it all, to do it alone, to not ask for help and to hustle hard.
Did they make money? Yes.
Was this the answer? No.
They spent so much time and energy being busy that they’d forgotten how to be.
Go within, or go without.
A void on the inside cannot be filled with anything from the outside. I’m not saying that it’s time to retire, turn to Buddhism and retreat into the Himalayas (although that does sound enticing to me). I’m saying there gets to be a balance to your drive. Yes, harness that side of you because it’s one of your greatest assets AND learn to cultivate the other side of you too that’s going to give you the fulfillment that you crave.
That comes from slowing down, accepting there is a void, understanding what the void is (usually it’s accepting yourself) and doing the work to love yourself WITHOUT needing anything or anyone to prove it.
No titles, no cars, no homes, no holidays, no women, no watches.
Nothing. Just you.
If you think you’ve achieved greatness so far, just imagine what you’d be capable of waking up every day feeling confident, calm and clear in knowing who you are.
You’d wake up with a smile on your face, completely relaxed and excited about the day ahead, you’d go downstairs, give your wife a cheeky slap on the bum, look her in the eye, she’d feel you, connect with you and smile.
You leave the house, driving to the office with a smile on your face. All day you’re in your zone, every decision you make comes easier, faster and with more conviction because you’re not desperate for success because you don’t need it to prove how good you are.
At the end of the day, you leave the office with fuel in the tank, excited to get home to your family, with energy to be able to be present with them without wrestling the urge to check your phone. You walk through the door, you turn your phone off, and it’s family time.
You’ve just gone from living a good life to having a GREAT life.
Welcome home brother!