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You’re Not Broken

Episode #74

Something common we experience is men who view themselves as winners and have resistance around joining a personal or businesses development program because they believe that those who attend the program are men who are broken.

Does this belief resonate with you?

These men believe that they must be surrounded only by winners or champions like themselves.

What they are not aware of is the fact that these men who dive into these programs are elite businessmen with high-level performances.  These men want to learn a new skillset for themselves and to uplevel their game…and not because they are broken.

These men go through the program because they desire to learn how to effectively communicate with their loved ones, to build a deeper and more intimate connection, navigate the emotions they are experiencing and express every part of themselves in the world opposite of what the society has instilled to us.

We were taught by society not to cry, not to be happy and we are also told not to be angry because we might hurt people.

We get to strip away what we have been told and show the REAL us because IT IS NOT US WHO IS BROKEN…BUT THE SYSTEM.

We all go through hard times, we may be lacking or we may not be good enough in some aspects but that doesn’t define who we are as a person. You should love yourself, acknowledge and accept your flaws and do the work to improve yourself every day.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • The misconception about men who go through personal/business development
  • What we get by joining personal/business development programs
  • The importance of showing your real emotions and the real you
  • Why successful business owners still go through personal /business development programs


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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt 0:00  

Its ability to strip away the bullshit that how you’ve been told the act and the mask you’ve put on to fill that shell and allow yourself to be loose, allow yourself to be you.

Tim Matthews 0:13  

So true, definitely not broken. If anything, the system is broken, so it’s a system.

Doug Holt 0:19  

Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host Doug Holt with my co-host, Tim, The Powerful Man Matthews. Tim, what’s going on, bro?

Tim Matthews 0:33  

I’m doing great, and you know what? I’ve been listening to episodes back, and I wasn’t aware that there were some cheers. There are still some noises of the crowd going wild after he says Tim The Powerful Man Matthews sounds like, that’s awesome you know I love it.

 Doug Holt 0:43  

Shout out to Billy from branded innovation for taking care of that; good job Billy. Billy is getting married soon, by the way, so I’m excited for him.

Tim Matthews 0:50  

Very nice, very nice. I love the guys in branded innovation. While listening to the podcasts and really on board all the messaging, I think that’s so cool.

Doug Holt 0:51 

It is cool; it’s been great for me to see those guys push forward. So Tim, one of the topics that I want to bring to the table today is this idea of being broken. That doing personal development, or business development for that matter, means that you’re broken as a man; let’s talk about that a little bit.

Tim Matthews 1:30  

I’d love to, I mean it’s interesting, we grew up as some conversation with one of the men in The Brotherhood this week, an amazing man who’s just got the results that he sees. It just inspires me and blows me away. Just into another level of his life he’s just totally different and I say that not to illuminate what we do. I say that in case you’re listening, my good friend, you are a phenomenal guy when you see Doug you know I’m speaking about. So he raised a great point; he said that one of the things that held me back from joining The Powerful Man and The Activation Method was that I didn’t want to feel like I was going to be surrounded by a load of men who were broken. I just didn’t identify with myself being broken in that way. I want to be surrounded by men who will lift me and inspire me and are champions of winners because I’m a winner. I’m just, you know, just getting it to improve my game a little bit, and when I brought this to you obviously, it got you, and I think, and I’m talking about, how many other men might see themselves in that same way. Thinking that either they don’t want to join something where a man is too broken or, and the reality is guys you’re not broken at all, Doug and I, the coaches, we believe that all of you guys listening, all of the men we work with you guys are already a powerful man you’ve just forgotten how to be it, in a society where men have been left behind.

Doug Holt 3:15  

I mean, when you think about the quest of personal development and business development, right? A lot of guys are okay with doing business development because society says it’s alright. Still, when you think about personal development like you know it might do, I have problems? Now my life’s not so bad. What have you? It has nothing to do with those guys, you know the men that go through a program like this and men that listen to a podcast like this are not broken. If you’re broken, you wouldn’t be listening to this. You’re not at all. First of all, the men that go through the program are elite business owners. They are not broken; they are fine-tuning themselves, fine-tuning their craft, getting better optics, getting better tools, so they can continue to improve just like an athlete hires a strength coach and works on fundamentals plyometrics, speed, agility, quickness, you would never think anything about that person like, you know they’re obviously out of shape, you know they’re a professional athlete and have to get a coach now you think other, they’re getting better. They’re fine-tuning themselves, and the same thing has to be like doing men’s work or going through personal development is the same thing. The men who enter a program like The activation method, The Brotherhood, or something else out there, even business coaching, you’re doing it to become better. You are at the peak. It’s a group of men, they’re there to lift each other, that is playing at a very high level, and there’s nothing to do with being broken at all, being broken is a stigma that society has been placed on. Things like personal development or people trying to better themselves, out of necessity a way to sell you more stuff, sell you the right car, sell you the watch, the clothes, and all of those things it’s not that at all, it isn’t, it’s a group of men in this case. Still, it could be women too for another group. It’s a group of people pulling each other up and playing at a high level as a neat elite athlete would.

Tim Matthews 5:27  

I could understand why some men might think that the broken man when I’ve felt stuck, and I can understand why? Because it’s often the emotional burden that goes with it. When they make promises and let people down, they look down and work late, and the thing is all the men that we speak with they’re all great men. They just tried their best to build a business and set their life up in a way for themselves and their family, but along that path they’ve just either lost themselves a little bit of being consumed by the business and working harder because that’s where often they’ve then got their significance. Their love, and their approval, because typically they didn’t receive a loss of it, growing up or they just weren’t able to receive it for whatever reason it just didn’t land for them, so naturally when you start to receive it from somewhere what are you going to do? You’re going to go there more often, and the byproduct of that is that sometimes the families get a little bit left behind. That time the guys don’t know how to communicate, they don’t know how to handle their emotions, they don’t know how to communicate your reality is they’ve just never been taught how to navigate the guilt that they’ll feel or the anger instead, they’ve been taught and told by society that and shamed quite honestly for feeling angry, you don’t scare people don’t intimidate people, don’t be angry, don’t cry. Why are you crying? Why are you sad? 

Don’t be too happy, don’t want to be arrogant. What else do I leave you? You can’t be arrogant, you can’t be confident, you can’t cry and be sad because there’s something wrong with you and that’s not good, you can’t be angry, because you don’t want to upset people, you see it’s like a complete contradiction in society. As a result, the men arrive at a point whereby it’s time to learn a new skill set. So you can take that game to the next level I’ve learned the skill sets in business, to know how to grow business, that’s all good they’ve got things down there, and now it’s time for them to learn some new skills for themselves so they can communicate with the people they love they can navigate through the emotions that they’re experiencing, and express every part of themselves in the world, to the people that love and as a result, this is why the guys their sex lives go through the roof after the off reset, because on day two, there’s a big acceptance piece there. And the men go through a particular exercise, which just strips them down and has them see themselves fully for the first time, and the other men see them too. It’s just such an amazing moment of pure acceptance, without any levels, material possessions, status, or money, just purely for who they are. Then, as a result, they go home, they’re able to communicate their emotions, they’re able to navigate the present emotionally and physically, and things take on a completely new meaning.

Doug Holt 9:00  

Guys, I’m interrupting this episode because I want to know, do you feel bored? Burnout? or broken? Discover the system that over 300 businessmen are using to let go of the grind, find inner peace, and unlock unlimited personal power, so they can have more time, more intimacy, and better sex while living a life they love without stressing about work or feeling like a fraud. Head over to ThePowerfulMan.com/11 to see what this is all about. Alright, let’s get back to the episode. It’s the ability to strip away the bullshit. Strip away the bullshit you’ve been told and how you’ve been told to act and the mask you’ve put on, to fill that shell and allow yourself to be loose, allow yourself to be you. That’s really what it’s all about, Tim?

Tim Matthews 10:00  

 So true, you not broken if anything the system is broken It’s not you it’s the system that’s trained you, we all know about the education system and everyone, a lot of people have various views in it, but the reality is it doesn’t train us as men to go into the world, and navigate our journey or be the men that we want to be is the easiest way to say it, he just trains you to then going to the system, and then work harder for the systems, can make more money from you, it doesn’t teach you the skills that you need, if you want to live a fulfilling free life, in my own opinion the first freedom is peace, there’s peace in knowing who you are, peace knowing what you want, and the ability to just be that in the world and it’s fascinating because raising children, Doug buddy, I imagine advice you’d give buddy, what advice do you give buddy? What do you want to instill in the body as he grows into this young man who is flourishing?

Doug Holt 11:17  

Well, we’ve talked a little bit about this before and obviously, but he’s pretty young, but first of all, I want him to be able to question everything he is told even, by myself and his mother and his family, and ask why? Why should I be like this? Why should I do that? I want him to instill a sense of self-love, acceptance of who he is, every part of them, every shade of him, his angry side, his happy side, his joyful side, his talkative side, his shy side, and his shy side whatever it may be. Those are what that’s one thing, and we’re also very conscious about not putting labels on him for that reason. You put labels on somebody; they tend to step into that label, whatever it may be, so integrity, Tim? It’s a big one that I want to teach. Still, with inside of him of honoring your word, your word is your bond, but not only integrity with other people, but integrity with inside himself, honoring what he says he’s to do, I could do a whole couple hours on, I’ll leave it there the last I’ll say is I want to make sure he lives his life respectfully as if this is his only chance. This moment is his only chance to live and go afterlife the way that he wants to do it, not the way I want to do it, not the way his mom wants him to do it, not the way his future wife’s want him to do it or husband, whatever, but the way that he wants to do it, and that’s something I think would be a legacy that I’d feel so proud to walk away with is having my son live life on his terms.

Tim Matthews 13:01  

However, one amazing, two so often were the men the lessons they wanted to teach the kids they didn’t call the kids broken when they were growing up. They don’t feel like a doctor, you just don’t do so it’s almost spinning around. You know if you’re in the same position as a man today , you know just discovering how to love yourself most simply, then the advice you’d give your kids or how you’d see your kids and how you’d want to raise them it’s the same thing. It’s so easy as a man to buy into what we’re here all around us and believe the story, but it’s not true.

Doug Holt 13:50  

No, no, it isn’t, and the idea when we talked before on this podcast about men being broken and one of the guys said, geez! When I was going to join The Powerful Man, one of the things that slowed me down from joining was that I didn’t want to be around a bunch of broken guys because that’s not my issue. And then he comes to find out that it’s all a bunch of top-level businessmen, and not one of them has anything wrong with him at all. It’s guys that are playing at a high level. So he’s been with us ever since he is so pleasantly surprised. I never even considered the notion of somebody thinking of the men we work with, especially being broken in any way he performs because these are high-level men, high-level performers. And these are guys looking to get the edge and rediscover themselves. There’s something that might have felt in some way, he was missing, right? or could get better, and that’s why they join a program like the one that we put on and the reason I’m thankful for myself. I’ve always been on the journey of business development and personal development since a very young age since I was in high school. I was on this journey just like I did athletics. I wanted to be the best me possible, and if there was a way that I could do it I would. I started by reading books in high schools like the 90 minute hour and thinking about growing rich and things of that nature, and I’ve just spawned onto a lifetime quest of personal and business development mastery? And I think that’s what a man listening to a podcast like this, Tim I think that’s what they’re on they gain better 1% better every single day; that’s what their quest is.

Tim Matthews 15:36  

I agree, and I can understand why this particular guy might think that programs like this he is surrounded by broken guys, so to speak, because of the message in society around men broken and suicide and, and all these different things, but guys you know if you listen to this, and you know you’re in, you’ve been struggling, you’re in a dark place when I say dark, you just feel stoke, you’ve been there for quite some time you feel alone, you telling everyone that you grant. You’ve got it all together, but in reality, behind closed doors, you just feel empty. Life is a void; we’ve said it before, don’t suffer in silence. Reach out whether it’s to us, whether it’s to somebody there’s no shame in it; you’re not supposed to be further ahead. This is your journey, and you are where you are. You listen to this time for a particular reason. There’s no such thing as coincidence and how it pays you that you reach out to. I would love to speak to you if you’re in that position, and I love the work we do. I’m very passionate about it; as you can probably tell, I’m just rambling versus podcasts. You say the same thing repeatedly: you’re not broken, you’re not broken, you’re not broken, but you’re not broken.

Doug Holt 17:00  

Not; if you’re broken, you wouldn’t be listening to this; first of all, it pains me to even here to even think about the possibility that some of these guys listening to this might feel broken in some way shape or form right? You know we all go through hard times we all go through our rough spots where our business isn’t doing as well, our marriage isn’t doing as well, or we don’t feel good enough as a father or lover or whatever it may be, you know that is not the encapsulation of who you are as a man now not at all. So gentlemen, as Tim said, you know Tim, would love to talk to you, we would love to talk to you. This is all about having conversations that matter and taking them to the next level. If you’re firing at a 10 out of 10 on all areas of your life keep going brother keep going, I love it; we’d love to talk to you about that and see what you’re doing. There’s anything we can learn from you to pass on to the men we work with that would be great, but if you’re not for some reason you’re not a 10 out of 10, it doesn’t mean you’re not. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, but there might be some tweaks we can make and help you out with, and we’d be happy to do so. On that note, we’re going to wrap it up to Tim. That’s another episode of The Powerful Man show in the bag. Gentlemen, we’ll see you next time.