Episode #792
Are you looking to deepen your connection with your partner and create a more harmonious relationship?
Do you want to understand how cultivating grounded masculinity and emotional safety can transform your interactions?
In a candid conversation on the TPM show, Doug and Tim delve into the vital role of energy and presence in fostering intimacy and trust within relationships. Drawing from real-life examples, they illustrate how simple yet profound gestures can lead to profound shifts in connection and understanding between partners.
In this episode, you’ll learn about the transformative power of grounded masculinity and emotional safety in relationships.
Through insightful anecdotes and practical advice, Doug and Tim demonstrate how men can create a nurturing environment that fosters intimacy and trust with their partners.
From small gestures like shared breathing exercises to deeper expressions of love and commitment, listeners will discover actionable steps to enhance their relationships and cultivate lasting emotional connections.
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Transcription
Tim Matthews 00:01
You know, I always like to say the most precious commodity on the planet isn’t time. It’s energy. You can have all the time in the world, but if you don’t have the. The energy, the energy of wealth is something we spoke about a lot. What’s the point in having the time? The thing with it is a flywheel. A momentum could be generated with this energy that if you turn the flywheel and you do it consistently, just bit by bit, it starts to really generate momentum. Kind of like a snowball rolling down a hill. It picks up pace. It starts to become self-perpetuating, but you just gotta get that flywheel turning.
Doug Holt 00:34
Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. I’m here with my co-host with the most, Tim Matthews. It’s gonna be your new tagline, by the way. Good to have you here, brother.
Tim Matthews 00:45
I’ve been called worse, so I will take it.
Doug Holt 00:50
So I love how you changed your name to the bottom to master Tim Matthews at the bottom of the screen. For those guys watching it, I don’t know if that shows up on the videos or not, but I love it.
Tim Matthews 01:00
Yeah, I copied somebody. Can’t think who.
Doug Holt 01:02
Taking one out of my playbook. Awesome, Tim! Well, I know we were talking before we hit the record button, and we were just talking about some of the men, as we always do, because we’re always trying to get the men the best possible that we’re working with. And you had an interesting conversation that you’re seeing a trend with several of the guys in the movement right now. Let’s talk a little bit about that.
Tim Matthews 01:25
Yeah, obviously, I work closely with the men in inner circle, as you do. So it’s been with those guys. Shout out to animal, cleaver and MVB and what those guys have been doing. So they’ve really been taking the concept of grounded masculinity very seriously and embedding it into how they show up. So how have they been doing that?
So the idea of this is obviously, when they’re able to connect to themselves and be very mindful of the energy that they are cultivating and bringing, they are then able to leverage that and really embody the fact that the energy they bring outweighs the words that they use. And they’ve seen shifts, all in relation to their wives. They’ve seen shifts in their wives that they’ve been trying to get them to experience for months. They’ve seen these shifts in a matter of moments by them taking the lead from a particular place, from a particular energetic place, and they’ve seen their wives just totally soften and open up instantly.
Now, obviously, these guys have been through The Activation Method for relationships. They’ve been in The Brotherhood. They’ve been in the movement now for a few years. So they’ve got quite a few stripes on the belt. It’s not the first rodeo. And that gives them a great foundation upon which to do this as well. I think it’s worth mentioning. So I’ll give a couple of instances in particular, and then we can talk about that.
So one of them has been wanting to connect more intimately with his wife. So we shared about the idea of him taking a risk and just placing his hand on his wife’s chest over her heart, taking her hand and placing it on his and just breathing, breathing together just for 30 seconds. And he’s seen some incredible results with his wife and the connection that they’re experiencing. And naturally, it leads to a more intimate connection, which for them typically leads to bagels, as we like to say. And his wife’s been really enjoying it. And they’ve been increasing the time week over week, and then out to a few minutes.
One of the other guys did something similar. He was facing a shit test. His wife was very upset. They were kind of at one another, arguing, and in the end, he just had a set on his knee and grabbed a hand, put it on his chest, on his heart. He did the same. They looked each other in the eye, just started to breathe, and they just burst into tears because of everything that had kind of pent up that day with the disconnect between them. And immediately they became reconnected.
And the final example of this is this particular man’s wife had been away for a few days, and she came home and he was asking her all about it. I think she said something to the effect of, hey, why are you interviewing me? And he did something a little bit differently. It still falls in the realm of energy because he was very mindful of the place that he came from, has been working a lot on his energy, and he just looked her in the eye, put his hand on her, and just said, you’re my wife. I’m choosing to be in this relationship with you. I am choosing you. You mean the world to me, and so does this relationship, and I want to understand what’s going on in your world. And she melted.
And he said, that totally changed the tone of that evening and of that conversation. And just phenomenal men doing the work and really leveraging the energy that they’re bringing to deepen the connection with the wife.
Doug Holt 05:14
I love it. So important. And not only is this important for the men, but as you can imagine, when it deepens the connection for the wife, she’s going to look at the man like, this is my guy. He is providing safety, right? So for a woman, safety is the foundation. And then after you achieve safety. So I’m not talking about physical safety. And I got this wrong, Tim, early on in my marriage is I had this idea. I was boxing, doing jujitsu. I was playing sports. I thought, physical safety, I got that thing covered, right? Probably more confident than I should have been in my physical abilities, right? Probably like a lot of us guys.
However, my wife told me she didn’t feel safe around me, and I just didn’t make any sense. Never touched, never hit her, never pushed her, never anything like that, physical. And so I never understood it. And what she was talking about was emotional safety. Now, fast forward to today. It’s very clear what that means for a woman. And in fact, I just recorded a whole series of videos on that yesterday for the men.
So when we look at this, what these guys are doing is they’re providing that foundation of emotional safety for their wives. And when you do that, men for your wife, now, you can eventually make her feel seen, heard, and desired. The three things we always talk about women need, especially in order to have intimacy. So what these guys are doing, effectively, they’re creating the foundation of emotional safety while also creating the ability for their wife to be seen at a very, very deep level.
Tim Matthews 06:53
Well said. And I think a big part of it as well, for them being able to create this connection is this practice of grounded masculinity that they have. They’re dedicated to connecting to themselves and being grounded in their masculinity. They’re not in the head when they’re doing these things. Right. This isn’t a heady thing. This is something that’s coming from them being grounded and present within their own body and within their own masculinity. So that when they go and take this risk. So they are taking a risk. Right? It’s an abnormal thing to do during an argument, to just take your wife’s hand and to place it on your chest and to do the same to her and just look at her in the eye.
But to your point. Yeah. The wife has a response of, this is my man. They haven’t used those words in recalling the event. Haven’t the men? But reading between the lines, that is the energy that the wife has given off because it’s either led to deep connection through them both tearing up and releasing sadness from the disconnect that they had earlier in the day, whether it’s led to tantric energy and sex happening, or whether it’s just led to the wife completely softening, it all stems from that point of, this is my man. He has me, he gets me, he sees me.
Doug Holt 08:18
Yeah, no, I love that. And when you think about from a woman’s perspective, what also is being provided is the energy in the home, right? And this is something a lot of the guys last alpha reset that we’re talking about is how the energy in the home, the kids know that mom and dad aren’t doing well, right? And it was killing a couple of the guys that they know that their kids are struggling because mom and dad are struggling. And when you’re able to do something like this and provide that safety, as you were talking about, and provide that connection, that level of trust increases. That not only increases for the wife, thus the husband, but also for the entire family.
Tim Matthews 08:58
Big time. Big time. Your energy walks in the room before you do. We say that a lot, right? And not only does it cultivate a certain energy at home with the kids and also in the bedroom, it also does in the boardroom as well, because inevitably, when that starts to become the place from which they operate, they become way more effective leaders as well, because they can influence a hell of a lot more by saying a hell of a lot less. Because you’ve been around those kind of people. It’s kind of gravitas, right? It’s just kind of a magnetic energy that you just want to be around.
And again, I know the last episode was around consistency, but this is what’s available when you are consistent, when you choose to tap into it, and it’s available to all of us. It’s not like these guys are superheroes. I mean, in a lot of respects, they are. They’re amazing men. And at the same time, they’ve unlocked something that is also available to all of us.
Doug Holt 10:01
Agreed. And that’s the key. And if you can do this consistently, what does your life look like? Right? How much better does it get to be?
Tim Matthews 10:12
Yeah. I always like to say the most precious commodity on the planet isn’t time, it’s energy. You could have all the time in the world. But if you don’t have the energy, the energy of wealth is something we spoke about a lot, then what’s the point in having the time? And, yeah, the thing with it is a flywheel. Right? You just gets to be. A momentum could be generated with this energy that if you turn the flywheel and you do it consistently, just bit by bit, it starts to really generate momentum. Kind of like a snowball rolling down a hill. It picks up pace, it starts to become self-perpetuating, but you just got to get that flywheel turning.
And that’s where your routines, your alpha rise and shine comes in. That’s the men you’re involved with as well, is a key. The kind of conversations you’re in, the way that you are held accountable to, honoring your word, to get it uncomfortable. All these are key components that feed into this as well, that all help you to be able to bring a certain type of energy that far outweighs the words that you use.
Doug Holt 11:22
So true. So, Tim, what are three things the men listening to this resonate? What are the three things that they could do right now, in your opinion, to help them get this back on track?
Tim Matthews 11:34
Go to an alpha reset. Go to an alpha reset. Go to Alpha reset. But seriously…
Doug Holt 11:41
All the men next door to me would say the exact same thing. They’re on day three.
Tim Matthews 11:46
Yeah, I mean, that’s the fast path, right? The fast path is to go to something like that, because this isn’t a theory. You can’t sit down and write and read and then all of a sudden cultivate some great energy. It’s got to be a lived experience. It’s got to be something that you actually experience. And typically that can begin with you releasing and getting rid of the things that are weighing you down. Otherwise, you can kind of rely on willpower and it becomes tough. The Alpha Reset gets to the root and pulls out the roots of the weed rather than just trims the top of it. So I’m biased.
But again, we go back to the point. Go to an alpha reset, and if you’re not going to do that, cool. Do something that provides you with some kind of rite of passage or experience whereby you leave it with this energy, not having learned about this energy, but with this energy.
Doug Holt 12:50
I love that once you see it, you can’t unsee it, as they say. Any final words for these fine men? Tim?
Tim Matthews 13:01
Don’t underestimate this. Do not underestimate this. I think if I heard this years ago, I’d probably be thinking, what the heck is this guy on about? And I may brush it over it, but really, just do not underestimate it. This is one of those leverage points in your life that you can access. It’s a small hinge that swings a large door if you choose to go down this path. So really do not underestimate this.
Doug Holt 13:33
Love it. Well, gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And Tim gave you a deep insight and not to overestimate this. So, although a short episode, a lot of meat in there for you guys to go back and re listen to so that you can bring this in, so you can bring that safety to your wife, safety to your family, really, the emotional safety that allows them to stay grounded and build your kingdom. Guys, make it a great week. We’ll see you next time on the TPM show.
All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.
You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.
Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!
