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Revisit: How To Make Your Wife Feel Sexy

Episode #573

How do you make your wife feel sexy?

What can you do to make your woman feel desired?

A woman’s desire is to be needed and wanted. Women’s internal need is to be truly seen by their men. If she can’t be seen by her man the way she needs to, she’s going to seek that validation outside the relationship.

If you catch your wife doing something sexy, compliment her on her sexiness – and do it every day. Compliment her privately and publicly. Being seen as valued and desired allows her to feel better about herself.

In this episode, we will talk about how to make your wife feel sexy, what to do to make her feel desired, and how being activated helps make your wife feel sexy.


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Doug Holt  00:01

Hey guys, welcome to The Powerful Man Show, where we help married businessmen save their marriages without having to talk about it, get unstuck, and gain clarity in their lives. As I like to say, life is too short for average. I’m your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim, The Powerful Man, Matthews. Now let’s get this started.

What’s going on, brother?

Tim Matthews  00:53

Very well, yeah.

Doug Holt  01:00

That’s great. I know you are busy with family, but are still doing this show, which I appreciate. And I know you got family walking in and out in the background. Yet you’re still showing up. I mean, it’s part of real life. Right? You know, I got kids upstairs and in the house running around. And, you know, most of the guys that listen to the show are dads, and all the guys who listen to the show have families, right? Whether their parents are still around or like you, visiting your hometown, Leeds. And so, you know, you’re an entrepreneur. And that’s part of the game. Here I am on the West Coast of the United States, and you’re in the UK. And there’s a time difference. You’re maintaining your cool, man; always good to see.

Tim Matthews  01:44

Good, good, I’m pleased. And we’ve been working out last minute, which is nice.

Doug Holt  01:49

Good for you, Good for you. It’s always a good thing. Well, Tim, we don’t have much time. I know you got a coaching call with some of the guys in The Inner Circle in a few minutes, but I want to jump into the topic we talked about briefly in the last podcast. So guys, if you haven’t heard the last podcast, what we’re talking about is when women or your wife in particular is withholding sex from you, right? She’s using it as a weapon against you in the marriage.

And one of the topics of conversation that came up was how you make your wife feel sexy. And so we’re going to dive into that here real quick on how you can do that. I’ll set the stage here and kick it off with you giving the first tip here, Tim. But guys, this is one of the most common things that my wife, who’s a coach for married women, talks about is a woman’s desire. To be needed and desired. Not to use the same word again, but a woman’s internal need is to be desired and seen by her man. And if she can’t be seen by her man in the way that she needs to be, then she’s going to seek that validation outside of the relationship.

So Tim, let’s kick it off. What can a guy do to make his woman feel desired? And sexy?

Tim Matthews  02:57

Hidden Motives Technique.

Doug Holt  03:01

There you go. Yeah. That is the best way, man, by far, the best way of doing it. There’s no doubt.

Tim Matthews  03:12

I don’t think this is the episode for us to dive into the mechanics of that technique, but go ahead and search for it, guys. Your turn?

Doug Holt  03:25

Yep. What I call pinging. I actually got this from a business mentor in my 20s when I started one of my first companies. And what he said is, you know Pavlov’s dogs, right? When you ring the bell, the dog salivates. Because, you know, over time, you get the story. I’m not going to go over the whole analogy because everybody knows that story. But catch your wife doing something sexy and comment on it. Right? Whatever it may be. Wow, those yoga pants make your ass look amazing, right? You know, something along those lines. Or, man, I love how your hair blows in the wind, whatever, guys, wherever you’re at in that relationship, you know, go to the extreme you feel comfortable in.

Don’t go from zero to 100. But if you’re at 70, then push it and compliment her on her sexiness. And do it daily. Right? Do it every single day. So in business, my business mentor had a challenge for me and said to ping my staff five times a day. Catch them doing something you want them to do, right? Rather than criticizing them. Same thing with your wife. So at least once a day, compliment her sexiness, find out something she’s doing sexy and just compliment it.

Tim Matthews  04:46

Hmm, I love that. I have one. Take charge of getting her back into her femininity. So, for example, let’s say that you have kids, and when you come in from work, you can see she has been in sweats all day looking after the kids, and maybe she’s got breast milk on her top or whatever, she’s just not feeling very good. She’s not feeling very good, and she’s been like that for a few days. Maybe come in, take charge of the kids, run a bath, or book an appointment at the spa. Do whatever she enjoys that you know she isn’t going to do first because she sacrifices herself and puts hers last.

And perhaps she said she had some things she needed to do. So book that thing for the bank, make that appointment, take care of the kids and make it so that all of her concerns will be taken care of with the kids or the house. So she can go and enjoy that experience stress-free. Use those three keywords, “I’ve got this.” And that will give her a lot of confidence, so she can relax and enjoy it.

Doug Holt  06:11

I love it, love it. Another thing you guys can do is do something active with her. Right? Do something that’s going to allow her to feel more active. And I’m going to couple this with when you’re taking care of your leadership role, whether it be food or anything else, is make it easier for her to make healthy choices. We’ve heard this from a lot of guys, and I’ve heard it from a lot of women in my past owning a high-level fitness studio, is they just want to feel like they’re on the road to being sexier, right? Everybody feels frumpy. If you’re sitting around your sweats, you know you ate pizza last night, drank beer, or you know nachos, or whatever it is, but then you just don’t feel yourself you don’t feel as sexy, right? It’s shitty food, and it’s gonna mess with your chemistry, right your biochemistry in your body. It’s just not going to make you feel sexy, you feel fat, you know, inflamed, etc., etc.

So take that out of the equation, making her feel like she’s moving her body. When she feels that movement of her body, there will be a couple of other things that are happening, she’ll be able to move her emotion through her, and when she feels like she’s going to be getting on the track to looking sexier, she’s going to be sexier.

Tim Matthews  08:11

Now, this one can involve both of you guys. So, Doug, you did this recently where you realized that having a babysitter was part of the problem, so you interviewed and hired three and had one woman you would have as your primary, but now you have two backups, right? So the goal here is to eliminate all the stress and ensure it’s all taken care of. So, find a babysitter, find the restaurant, maybe make it the restaurant she loves to go to pick out something to wear or give her some cash to go get something she loves, and just take charge with it and make it a great evening. That’s a lot about her, but make sure you dress well too. Make sure you’re working out and you look good because, by default, that will make her feel sexier. She will remember why she was attracted to you in the first place.

Doug Holt  09:19

Love it. The next thing you can do is compliment her publicly. So compliment her as your woman publicly. So Facebook and Instagram are easy ways of doing it. You can do it via text messages on a text message chain with friends. But doing it in a place where she is in front of her peers and is seen as valued and desired is big, big, big, big. We talked about this with dopamine serotonin in a previous podcast, but you’re gonna release chemicals in our brain that neurologically allow her to feel better about herself, which in part makes her feel sexier.

Tim Matthews  09:59

Also, the Clean Slate Letter.

Doug Holt  10:04

This is a great way to try to connect, I love it.

Tim Matthews  10:07

Yeah, try to connect. That’s one of the purposes of the Clean Slate Method. The reason why it will make her feel sexier is that when you’re in the process of writing and delivering it, there’s a lot of vulnerability that you will express, which will come from a very strong place. And there’s a lot of ownership that you will take. And also, in the process, you’ll be seeing her a great deal and how the impact of your action might have had on her as well, which is very important.

Doug Holt  10:41

I love it, love it. I want to go back and emphasize that I would almost say these are in order of the degree that they’re going to work. In my opinion, if you’re thinking, man, I just need to start somewhere. Start with The Hidden Motives Technique. The second one to start with is pinging. Do those little things, even if you just start with those two, that’s great; that will get you where you want to go. Once you’ve nailed down those, start doing the other things like date night, etc. I think that’s going to be important.

Now, of course, you can try to do them all. But it’s like exercising, right? You, you gotta start with the basics and get those mastered first. And the last one that I’m going to throw on the table is looking out and making sure that you’re activated. We discussed the deactivated versus activated, the nice guy syndrome versus the benevolent Alpha, right? This helps your wife feel sexy because if she knows you’ve got stuff handled, like an activated benevolent Alpha man, a powerful man, that guy, is able to take control of things, which thus allows her to slip more into femininity. Her man is a man that’s an alpha male, that’s a powerful man. What does that say about her? Right? It says a lot of great things about her. And that’s going to make her feel sexier. That’s gonna make her want to have sex a lot more because she is with you.

Guys, you want to start with those first two, but you got to be activated, right? You got to be in an activated state. You can’t be in DEER mode. Many of you guys are trying to get out of DEER mode, and you slip back into it. I get it. It’s where we were trained as boys and coming up as men; we just didn’t know any better. But this works. Because when you’re activated, she knows she’s got a man. It’s going to end a lot of arguments. Imagine having a sort of leader like a real leader in the relationship, she’s not going to question much, she’s going to trust you. And when she trusts you, she can slip into her femininity. And this is where you can use The Hidden Motives Technique. You can use ‘pinging’, talking about her ass looking good in those yoga pants, or whatever it is for you. That’s where these things add up and pay dividends over time.

Tim Matthews  13:20

Yeah, love it. And we’re in order because we obviously run down the ones that were most prominent in our minds. So I love that you pointed that out. Certainly an order.

Doug Holt  13:34

Yes. Gentlemen, the key here is to take action, right? A sexy woman is just awesome, right? We all want our wives to look at us with admiration and respect. And when she’s feeling sexy about herself, and she can take that sexual energy and turn it towards you, her man, life is good, right? Everything seems to be better in the world when this is happening. So guys, wherever you do, take some action.

I’m going to ask you guys to go over to the Facebook group; it’s a free Facebook group, and it’s a private community, meaning people can’t even see that you’re in this group. There are about 2000 business owners who are all married or separated, depending on their situation, but they’re all working together to get through. I want to know which tool we listed you’re using and how it works for you. So get over there and let us know. You can tag me, tag Tim in that message bucket, put a post in there, and share how it’s working for you. In the meantime, guys, whatever you do, take massive action.