Get to Know Your Customer and You’ll Get to Know Your Wife

Episode #671

Do you want to get more leads for your business?

Do you want to serve your wife better?

One way of solving both circumstances is to ask questions, moreover, asking deeper questions and questions that really matter.

Building a strong foundation of mutual understanding and support will help you enter and navigate each other’s worlds in a fulfilling and meaningful way. It‘s time to move forward because faulty assumptions can create misunderstanding.

In this episode, we’ll learn why having deeper conversations in a relationship, whether in business or marriage is important.

Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

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Doug Holt  00:01

Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of the powerful man show. Tim, how you doing brother?

Tim Matthews  01:00

Well, it’s nice to be back here. How you doing?

Doug Holt  01:03

I’m doing great. How was your vacation?

Tim Matthews  01:08

How was your vacation?

Doug Holt  01:11

I had an amazing trip. So I was in the Basque Country of Spain outside San Sebastian. Eventually, it was a little bit further out there. But as you know myself and one of our other master coaches, Arthur took one of our high end one on one clients. We took him on a very interesting journey. You know, working with plant medicines, he worked with us. We use that to do some very drastic breakthroughs, things that this person has been working on for a very long time. And we use that as an accelerant. It was a really, really good experience.

Tim Matthews  01:46

Yeah. Well that you guys got to go through that. Incredible!

Doug Holt  01:50

Yeah, it’s a bummer that you couldn’t make it. So for those that don’t know, Tim was also going to come with us, the three of us were going to, to work with this individual. He had some big things he was working on and working through and has been for a while. And you got all the way to Madrid I believe, right? Or is it Barcelona, and you had an emergency in the family that caused you to have to buy a plane ticket immediately and turn around and go home. So I’m glad everything turned out. Okay. On the home front, and you were definitely missed.

Tim Matthews  02:20

Yeah, me too. Yeah, I got here, Canada with COVID, like midway through the week or something. Travel have been some kind of entanglement with you guys going through your Christmas.

Doug Holt  02:32

Certainly could have been I had a great experience. Not everybody had as everybody had a great experience and got what they needed from the trip. Let’s just say if anybody’s ever done plant medicines, or worked with somebody who specializes in plant medicines, so plant medicine, for those that don’t know, these are medicines that have been used for 1000s and 1000s of years, through different cultures and customs.

And so a lot of these can actually open and expand the mind and the consciousness or help you bypass the ego and give you insights. And so I had a beautiful experience. Really, it was enjoyable for me. Others had to work through some stuff that they’re working through. But as you know, it’s like working out sometimes you got to go through the tough workouts to get the results you want.

Tim Matthews  03:17

Yeah, definitely refreshing about experiences and farmers sooner. It’s definitely not enjoyable in the least the moment. Just keep telling yourself. I need this. I need this like yeah, this this must be what I need was plenty trends to keep your head in the game, but it just feels Ah, sorry.

Doug Holt  03:40

Yeah, no, it did not all the time, although it can be.

Tim Matthews  03:44


Doug Holt  03:47

What? Yeah, the topic for today I want to talk about Tim is. So for those that don’t know, we our flagship program is the activation method for relationships. Right now we have a couple of versions of the activation method. But we tend to talk about the relationship angle, which helps married businessmen save their marriage without having to talk about it, get the love and respect back in their wife sides. And one of the things that happens oftentimes, these are all business owners and business men, and they go into some guys were invited to go into our one year mastermind called the Brotherhood.

And I got a phone call with one of these gentlemen yesterday. And the topic we were talking about was, he has got a business called consulting, if you will. And they also have a program where business leaders can go through its leadership training. And he’s been very successful at it, he and his team. And we were talking about how he can get more leads. It was lead generation and you know, basically client acquisition was the conversation. I know we don’t talk a lot about business on this podcast as much as we used to, right. We’ve mostly focused on relationships, but since we have businessmen here, I thought we dive into a couple of these things and I can circle around with exactly how this can be applicable to a man’s marriage as well.

Tim Matthews  05:00


Doug Holt  05:02

So first of all, the conversation was great; this guy had a lot of background in marketing business. So he’s extremely knowledgeable as most of the men that we work with are very successful in his own right. And as we were discussing client acquisition, something that, you know, you and I have been great at, is really getting to know the inside of the people that you work with the people you serve. So the men that we serve, I think you and I know them very well, we know what’s going on. And as I was talking to this gentleman, I, as I related, as you know, Tim, when I used to kind of guest lecturer at the University, is what is that individuals to AM conversation?

And so what I mean by that is, what is the conversation for the people that you’re trying to serve or work with? What’s the conversation that’s going through their head at 2 O’clock in the morning, and ideally, as a business owner, we relate that to our product or service, but in general, was the two way conversation. So when somebody pops up at two in the morning and can’t go back to sleep? And the demons are coming in, if you will, the darkness is surrounding them? They’re in the valley of despair. What is the conversation that’s in their head? What is it that you know, it’s common in marketing, we’ll call it hell Island, what’s going on in hell island for this person.

And it was a really a fascinating topic as we’re going through and breaking down that process of how to figure that out what going through. And one of the things that came to me in that conversation, Tim, was how many men know what their wives 2 am conversation is, how many men know what’s going on for their kids at two in the morning, when they’re staring up at the ceiling in the middle of the night? Can’t go to sleep? You know, what is your wife thinking about? Right? What is she contemplating and what’s going on? So we can take both of these angles, through this podcast conversation, just kind of discuss ways that you can kind of figure this out.

Tim Matthews  06:46


Doug Holt  06:47

Thank you. So one way you can go through it, guys, as you’re looking at this and your clients, the first and foremost, and this is something that almost nobody does. And all my years of consulting, are being an interim CMO for companies coming in very rarely. And I almost could say never have I’ve been in a company despite how good they are, despite how big their marketing plan team is, where they have an existing CMO who’s well trained. Very rarely do they actually ask people? Now I know sounds so stupid, right? Oh, of course, they ask. Of course, we talked to our customers. Of course, we talked to our prospects, but they really don’t go to the level of conversation that matters.

So here’s an example. I walk up to you. And I say, hey, how you doing, and that person says, I’m not too bad, or I’m doing good. And that ends, right. And that’s the way most business owners are approaching these conversations with their prospects. There’s no depth to it. The same time, men are approaching this with their wives and their kids, not a lot of depth. So what you want to do is ask more questions. So in this, I’m going to use this as an analogy, guys, this is only an analogy. So you want to take the questions, and they’re going to be very different for your organization, your business, or the conversation with your wife. What you want to do is ask deeper questions.

So I’ll use Tim as my example here. If Tim says, I say, Tim, how you doing? I’m not bad. Well, that’s a key for me, because he’s not saying great. He’s not saying amazing, but either way, oh, really not bad. Well, what’s going on? And then Tim is now has the opportunities. That’s an open loop question. It’s not a yes or no question. For Tim now to explain to me what’s happening for him? Now, what we’ve done, and Tim, you know, this is we record these conversations, we do it. First and foremost, we really care. Right? That’s really important.

We really care about what’s going on with men we serve. Right? We have a lot of men in the movement we call the powerful man, I think we have over 1000 men going through programs right now. And we really, really care at a deep level. We have meetings every single day our coaches have in five days a week about the clients that we serve. And we want to know what’s going on for them, what’s working, what’s not working? What roadblocks are they hitting, and we want to know, in their own words, now their own words is very key. And we can talk a little about this in depth. And I know you can as well, Tim. And we have a masterclass for the guys that are in the brotherhood that goes over language matters.

We have a couple of them that can go into the psychology of how to use this in business, but also in your marriage and relationships. So if I’m talking to Tim, and I’m asking him how he’s doing, and I asked him, okay, well, what’s going on? And Tim starts to explain to me what I want to do is take note, not only what Tim is saying, but the ways in which Tim is communicating. I don’t know the statistic maybe you did, Tim is I think it’s verbal communication is only like 5% of communication, right? Meaning that we have 95% of all communication is nonverbal, right?

The tone that Tim is going to use the word choices, his body language, all of these things I’m going to be watching now whether I’m doing this with a prospect with a client or with my wife, I want to get to the root of what’s really going on. And I want to start noticing what that 2 a.m. says duration is, what is that 2 a.m. thing that’s going on for Tim. So Tim says, I’m doing okay, or I’m doing good enough, or whatever his response is, that leaves me an opening, knowing that things aren’t great right now for Tim. And so I want to figure out what that is and what’s going on. And this is where empathy can come in, really into play.

Tim Matthews  10:17

So now that we do as well with the man was, when they come in the movement, obviously, when the men fill in, the insects fall in tech farms with us typically share even more information about what’s really going on for them to share with us in the initial conversations with the advisors. Well, why is that? Well, it’s because there’s a deeper level of trust, right? They’ve had various conversations, they’ve opened up the field, the felt heard, felt seen, that resonate with somebody who shared with some shared with them some insights on why they have the problem that they have, why something while they’ve tried hasn’t been able to solve it. But why this other option over here might be something different, that might work. Right?

And that creates a level of relationship, beginning of relationship anyway, right? And therefore, when they come into the program, when we feel an insect farm, we often get these long responses from the man, which is awesome, a little bit, by the way. Because there’s that trust there. Because of that connection, that relationship, they will then continue to share a lot more than they shared in the beginning. But it’s taken consistency. It’s taken time, oftentimes men tell us the drawing activation method, because we’re the only company I mean, we’ve class ourselves as a movement, but we’re the only company that’s chosen to continue following up with them week after week, month after month, sometimes year after year.

I think a faster nature, if you listen to this, I think I was fine with you for about 18 months, for now, okay, four years or four years later, you’re still here getting the joy of working with one another, it’s fantastic. Point being is the video consistent desire to want to serve the men that want to connect with them because we genuinely care. And same is true of your wife or your kids or whoever you’re going to reach out, you’re going to ask questions, you’re going to get knocked box, you’re not going to open up.

But do you have a genuine desire to want to continue to find out how to do it, want to continue to support them to be happy or to feel loved, or whatever it may be. And as you build that relationship with by bit, he noticed how you get to continue to build the trust through things like data motives technique that we give the guys. And in doing, so you should be able to bias, and you’ll get deeper and deeper responses to more and more meaningful, so many parallels?

Doug Holt  12:51

Well, there really are and you know, and again, to give this man credit that I was talking to you yesterday is very bright. And one of the things I really respected is somebody who’s done this professionally for over a decade is, you know, in the marketing side, is when I asked him and he has a lot of marketing experience and very intelligent is when I asked him, hey, do you have what I call a client avatar? Do you have it broken down in such detail that you know their pain better than they do? And to his credit, he said, no, not to the level that we need to. And that right there tells me how bright he is. Right? Because it takes courage to admit that you don’t have it, especially in front of somebody else.

But also that tells me he’s going to succeed, he’s going to win. And we look at this from a business standpoint. Right? How many people out there of you guys listening to this can tell me beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly who your ideal customer exactly? Right? And don’t tell me you serve everybody. Because if you serve everybody serve nobody, like we’ve all know that we’ve been in business long enough to know that. So who exactly is it? What is their 2 a.m. problem? And then you get to figure that out?

Now, what about your wife? Do you know your wife’s 2 a.m. problem? And if the answer is no, then that in itself is a major problem. And probably a big reason why things may not be working out in your marriage right now. Right? And I get it right? Things aren’t. If things aren’t going well, it’s hard to have those conversations. But that is what your wife is dying for. She’s dying for you to get into a world. Now we say this on a lot of podcast, Tim, women want three things, they need three things, they need to be seen. They need to be heard. They need to be desired. Now heard could also be set understood, but they need to be seen heard and desired. And so what I mean by that is she is dying for you to get into our world.

And it may have been decades since you’ve gotten into our world. You’ve been trying to get into our pants almost every day. But when’s the last time you’ve gotten into her world and really knew the things that are keeping up her worries or concerns. Now clearly it could be your marriage in your relationship. But what else? And the key here is why, why is it so important to you? And why hasn’t she done anything about it? What is stopping? Or what’s the fear or the excuse?

Now, I know a lot of you guys listening to this because I get the statistics of how many, you know, 10s of 1000s of you listen to these podcast episodes. But I also know it’s a very small percentage of you that actually sign up for the activation method. Why? Is it time? Is it money? Is it resources? Is it you don’t know if it’s going to work for you? What is the reasoning behind that? Now, I can guess, based on percentages, and what we see where you are at individually and collectively. But what about your wife?

Why isn’t she done something different? What is she waiting for? What is she concerned and worry about? What are her fears? And what’s going on there? Now, of course, you can take this again, to your ideal clients, I would recommend guys, if you don’t know this, you’re a CEO, or an executive at a company or an owner, you need to know this answer. You don’t have to be an expert in marketing. That’s, that’s for crazy guys like me. But what you do need to do is understand the people that you serve the people that you’re here to help, right, the people that your products and services are for, and you need to understand them better than they understand themselves.

 A lot of guys watching this who’ve been through our program are gonna laugh, and they’re gonna be like, dude, because we hear this all the time, Tim, I swear, you have cameras in my house. And the reason they say that is because we understand their situation as well, if not better, and I’m gonna say better than they do. And that’s how we’re able to provide solutions. That’s why our programs consistently, we have an anonymous rating. So at the end of the activation method, every man rates the program anonymously, so they can say anything they want. And we’ve had 1000s of men go through this program, on a scale of one to five, we have a 4.9 rating. That’s huge. That is huge. The reason it is because we understand the problem, and we also understand the solution, we understand the solution.

Now some men can’t save their marriage because they wait too long. And every one of them says, man, I wish I would have done this earlier. We hear it all the time. And we do our best to communicate that to you guys. I’m doing it now. Drop a little breadcrumb here for those guys that are on the fence or have been on the fence for a while. You know, there’s the Nike slogan and just do it. Just get it done. And that’s what’s really important. And you got to do this with your team, sit down with your team, if you if you have a marketing team, I would demand this immediately.

Hey, I need to see our client avatar or you know, it said other ways our buyer persona. But I need to see that. And I need to know the details. I need to know what their fears are, what are their fears and desires and marketing. We also say, you know if somebody’s on hell Island, and they want to get to heaven Island, right? So they’re in pain, a problem they’re trying to solve. I don’t care if you’re selling hammers, you’re selling relationship coaching or you’re selling finance, there’s a problem that someone’s trying to solve. Okay, like right now, before I got in this, I was looking for a way to secure a cooler to an ATV problem. Okay?

And now I was looking on Amazon to try to figure that out, I need a solution. Now the ones I was clicking on, were selling me the vision, right, you have something down, you need 2200 pounds to tie it down. So nothing breaks, right? They’re selling me a vision of something greater in heaven Island, right? That cooler being secured full of beer or soda or whatever else it is onto the back of my ATV. And they’re selling me that thing. Now the bridge needs to be your product or service. Right now if you’re struggling your marriage and you feel like you and your wife are laying six inches apart, you feel six miles away. And you want to get the love respect and admiration back into your marriage, your wife is looking at you with love and respect to get in the eyes that you need to take the activation method.

The activation method literally is the bridge that takes you from the pain that you’re feeling now in your marriage to the heaven of being back and connected with yourself and with your partner. Now what about you? What about you and your business? What’s your bridge? Your bridge is your product or service? That’s easy. But what is your client’s pain? What is the pain that’s going through? Right? I know for a lot you guys are in a sexless marriage. I know for most of you guys, your wife isn’t respecting you. You’re not being respected in your home. You’re being treated like a paycheck. And that sucks. I was there. That’s how I know I was there. But what’s happened for you?

Now once you get that solved with your business, I’m going to challenge you guys. I am going to challenge you. And I know some of you guys that listen to this. So when I see a few of you in person coming up, I’m going to ask you this question. So fair warning. What is your partner’s your wife’s 2 a.m.? What is her hell Island and what is her heaven Island? And how do you sir, how do you make yourself the bridge that takes your wife from hell Island to have an island and I’m not just talking about the bedroom. Although that could be part of it.

Tim Matthews  20:03

Because one bit to add to the whole hell and haven island, right? You might be wondering, why doesn’t the guy just swim across from how to happen? What was the reason for that was the sharks in the water was infested just goes in the water is gonna get eaten….

Doug Holt  20:24

By sharks one more time.

Tim Matthews  20:27

So although sharks basically represented, they go to the faulty assumptions that your customer has, right, you’ve got your product to understand the two in question, you get clear on that. I’m excited, you’re getting clear on heaven Island as well. Typically, what’s going to one of the things anyway, that’s going to stop them from moving forward with you, there’s going to be some of the faulty assumptions that they have, about why your product may not work for them, whatever that may be. Some of the men that we work with some of their faulty assumptions are things like she won’t leave me, guys often think they can work because the wife will leave, which is a complete faulty assumption.

The guys often think that, oh, we stopped arguing. So it’s a good thing. Things of things aren’t as bad. But the reality there is the wife is often checked out. So things are actually worse. It’s a faulty assumption. Another one that the men that we work with have is, oh, when I solve this business problem, that’s when I’ll fix the marriage issue, and the rationalizing, and justify all the reasons why they need to solve the business problem. Or even hey, when I built this house, things will get better. I’m just gonna focus on building the house. Yeah, to build a house and never actually build a home and never have a family who actually lives in the home with them. The same is true of you whites, right?

Let’s say you figure out to a question, let’s say figure out what her hell Island is, and also have an island. But what are the faulty assumptions that she’s making? Right? Maybe one of them might be that every time I talk to you just shut me down. Can be true as well, right? It might be true, there’s gonna be others that she she’s gonna have, she may not be aware of these as much, it might take a little bit for you to just figure these out. And just consider how your behavior may have created faulty assumptions for her. Right? For example, her haven island might be the idea of it in a really loving relationship with you, the faulty assumption that she might have is that things are just never going to change. Therefore, she stopped trying. Right?

You need to send me to be able to bust those faulty assumptions. But obviously, a lot of these are not going to be busting through you just talking about it. One of the reasons why the men get such good results in activation method. And obviously, look, not every single marriage is same. We don’t claim that we’ve all 100% success rate that is impossible for smaller marriages, it’s just to let you guys have just left it too long. But they do always save themselves, which is a fantastic thing that the men always look for point being is that part of the reason why the men do see such great results for most guys see such great resources, because they take action, they have stopped talking and deliberating about what they’re gonna do. And instead, they just do it, and their wife sees it, and they play down and they just do that thing for them. Because then they know the need to change.

And they see and feel the change from their guard and attach that don’t get me wrong, but definitely test it. They want to see if it’s real, is it gonna last? Is he just doing this to manipulate me and trick me into thinking into a really, really into a false sense of security. And then when I let down my wall, oh, my God, always just going to change the word testing, right? The reality is they take action, and as a result, that’s what boasts a faulty assumption of they just won’t work. Or things won’t change. But they have to prove that with their actions.

Doug Holt  24:14

Yeah, no, it’s very true. And this is you know why one of the first things we teach the men coming in is to live like a king system. And to live that King system gives you that consistency to help you bust, you know, bust those false faulty assumptions. We have the shit test masterclass, right, women are going to be testing you as they should. And guess what guys, your customers are going to test you to, they’re not just going to believe your marketing claims. Look, you may not believe what we do is real. I would encourage you to go over to the website, thepowerfulman.com and just look at the results. These are real man just like you. Right, you want to see other people who have achieved this.

Reminds me, Tim of you know, going to the gym. You know, I used to work in the fitness industry a lot. And you would often have you know, the best looking man, the guy that’s buff and ripped, would very rarely get the best results for his clients. Right? He was really good at, you know, his new his own nutrition or his own workouts or his genetics or drugs he was taking, but very rarely did he gets the best results. And oftentimes, the person who got the best results was somewhere in the middle, right? But he had consistent results, and you want to make sure that’s happened.

Your wife’s thinking the same thing, your customers are thinking the same thing. They want to know that you can do what you’re promising. And if anything, look, if you screw up, that’s okay. Well, you screw up in business, or you screw up in your personal life, that is okay, as long as you own it. That is the key, somebody falls off your bridge lands in the sharks, they want to know that you are going to come pick them up. Right? That’s, that’s what it’s about, that you’re going to be there be like, hey, look, you fell, I got you. Your wife wants to know that too. Your customers, your clients want to know that.

So coming out of this guy. So this conversation, my challenge, and I do say challenge deliberately to you, is I want to know, what is your ideal customer and what is their hell Island? And on top of that, what is your wife’s hell Island? Now you guys have the gusto. And I’ll call them juevos, if you will. If you have the gonads, or whatever word you want to use to actually post this, I guarantee that you’ll get great results. But you’ll get feedback from other guys, right? Feedback from other guys of what’s going on.

Post this either into the free group on Facebook or post this into our private community. If you’re already in the activation method or your alumni, you have access to that community, we get lots of great insights and together we’re always better. Tim, love your insights, stay away from those sharks brother, I hope you feel better. On the COVID or whatever else you ended up catching on your trip as well. Tim, as we always say in the moment of insight take massive action to see you next time.