Get More Sex Without Being Needy

Episode #380

Thinking about asking for more sex, but afraid of seeming needy?

How can you initiate without putting everything on the line?

There are two types of initiation. Physical and verbal. Touch her in ways and in places that are sensual and intimate. Make her feel that this is not just some kind of movie you are making.

The big takeaway here is to enjoy being sensual with her. You can touch a woman in a way that makes her feel connected and feel cared for. Sex is about both arousal and comfort, so make sure she feels comfortable and safe enough first. Initiate the touch without expecting to go any further.

In verbal initiation, compliments are the big ticket. Be specific with your compliments so that she’s really feeling your appreciation and your shared connection. Flirt, have fun, be silly!

Focus on how you can get intimate without being sexual – whether on the physical or verbal side. Have fun with it. Find ways to meet your needs and meets her needs.

In this episode, how to get more sex without seeming needy, and what you can do when you want to have sex with your wife. Based on the two types of initiation, we discuss things you can do to get her in the mood and to create chemistry.

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Episode Transcript

Franko Burrows 0:00  

You can touch your woman in a way, which makes her feel connected and makes her feel cared for because they are very sensual places, then she can also become aroused. And also, if she feels like you’re not training on, this isn’t some move you’re making. Like for me, in all of those places, I love to touch a woman, and I think that’s a big takeaway for the guys is to really get into enjoying being central but for the sake of genuinely loving touching a woman in all of those ways.

Doug Holt 0:28  

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my special guest Franko Burrows. 

Franko Burrows 0:40  

You’re going to say sexy, a special guest there or something. 

Doug Holt 0:43  

The sexiest man in Wales. 

Franko Burrows 0:46  

Thank you. It means a lot. Thank you. 

Doug Holt 0:48  

You got it, buddy. We always have a great conversation and great time, and the men always enjoy your insights, Franco. So what are we going to talk about today?

Franko Burrows 0:57  

Well, we said we were going to talk about initiation, and it’s been there’s been a lot of conversations in the group recently. And in the community about whether to initiate or not. And we’ve had guys who’ve tried 30 days sex fasts, I think that’s the longest, so I thought we could talk about how to initiate without putting everything on the line. Without it being this big thing of like, Oh, she rejected me, because there are a lot of things you can do to get her in the mood to get herself in the mood to create that chemistry, which is what we all want.

Doug Holt 1:35  

Absolutely. And we talked about the groups for those newer to the podcast, and we have two communities. One is directly for alumni and current people involved in the movement. And, of course, we have a free Facebook group. So if you’re not involved in that, get over there. As soon as possible. The coaches are in there; men like Franco are just dropping knowledge bombs left, right, center, and some other groups that we have. So, Franco, let’s kick it off. So I’m a married man. And just lost the spark. I want to have more sex with my wife. What should I do?

Franko Burrows 2:08  

Yeah, well, as I say, a lot of guys, what they start with is they initiate sex, then they get knocked back. So either they keep trying and keep feeling like shit, or they stop trying and give up. Yep. We get many comments from guys whose wives when they get down and have the conversation. She’s like, well, you don’t initiate it, you don’t try it on. So I think it’s a big thing with men. I know, I’ve had a part not so much. With Yeah, it probably was around sex as well. But in other areas where we go into our shell, it’s like, this isn’t working out. So I’m going to pull back. So rather than pulling back, there are two types of initiation, I would say. And the best way I know to do it is to, and I would say, like, women just want to feel like it just happened. So there are two ways of doing that verbally and physically. Which one do you want to talk about first?

Doug Holt 3:08  

Well, of course, as all the guys want to talk about, First, let’s talk about the physical one.

Franko Burrows 3:14  

Okay. So the physical, the best way I know to initiate I would call it initiating without initiation. So to touch her in ways and places that are sensual and intimate places but are sexual. 

Doug Holt 3:34  

Such as the small back. 

Franko Burrows 3:35  

Small of the back. Yeah. What else would you say?

Doug Holt 3:40  

The neck? Ears are a good trigger point in my experience. The thighs and legs are also key one. 

Franko Burrows 3:51  

And you can mention my favorites. My favorites. 

Doug Holt 3:54  

Your favorites? 

Franko Burrows 3:55  

The hips.

Doug Holt 3:56  

Yes. The hips? Yeah, my friend.

Franko Burrows 3:58  

Absolutely. So yeah, I mean, you can touch a woman in a way which makes her feel connected and makes her feel cared for, but at the same time, because they are very sensual places, then she can also become aroused. And also, if she feels like you’re not training on this, isn’t some move you’re making. Like for me, all of those places. I love to touch a woman anyway. So I think that’s a big takeaway for the guys to enjoy being central, whether for the sake of it genuinely loves touching a woman in all of those places.

Doug Holt 4:40  

I think one of the keys here for guys that are going okay is where are these places guys taking notes right now. Franco said hips, Doug said the thigh. These are all places, guys, that you wouldn’t touch a family relative, right? You wouldn’t touch your sister in these places or a co-worker that you didn’t want to get a sexual harassment case against you. Or the feeling of awkwardness, these are the places we’re talking about. And that’s why there’s a level of sensuality here and a level of ownership. You only touch somebody that you feel lacks better term ownership, not to sound misogynistic. But that allows your woman to feel like she’s your woman because you wouldn’t touch another woman in this way, theoretically. 

Franko Burrows 5:24  

Yeah, absolutely. That’s a really good point. It’s a really good point.

Doug Holt 5:28  

So Franco, so I know some of these guys are thinking okay, too. So they’re going into the mechanic mode, okay, I got to touch her on the thigh. But it’s more than just a touch, right? There’s the intention behind the touch that needs to be there. And you said something else, and we’ll touch that in a second. We said something else. I think it’s critically important. It’s you initiating this touch, but you’re not hoping or expecting it to go any further. It’s just the opposite. You’re almost pulling away. It’s like a cat when you give a cat a string, and you kind of pull it away. The cat wants it more. Right? What if you just threw the string out there and left it? The cat’s not going to play with it.

Franko Burrows 6:06  

Yeah, I would say the mindset would go in here is benevolent alpha. So you’re the alpha, you’re going to touch her anywhere you want, within reason, but you’re doing it for her. It’s like we haven’t meant that we mentioned hair, by the way? Like hair can be a big one where you sort of move hair and tuck it around her ear, and it just feels like she’s being cared for. But it’s that ownership, as you said, as well. So it’s like, I’m going to move your hair just around your ear there. Because it’s just that’s what needs doing. But I enjoy it as well.

Doug Holt 6:46  

What do you think about being more aggressive, touch and play? I will do this to reveal everything I do, but maybe running your head off the back of her neck into her hair and giving a little light, squeeze slash tug. And are you then walking away?

Franko Burrows 7:01  

Yeah, I love it. And then I go to the other end of the scale and just start late. You could do like the hand test, give it a high five, and see if she just wants to come down the class behind. That’s a great way to initiate without initiating. Is it like she does feel comfortable enough with me at the moment? Because as I say, it’s been able to have sex is arousal plus comfort. So did you get the comfort in place? First, does she feel comfortable holding hands? And then the arousal bet is the one you mentioned. So that’s like such a dominant, I call it a dominance move as a dominance move, you mentioned, another one would be like, tell them to stand up. You sit in even if you could do this even in public. Or you’re sitting on the settee watching TV or whatever, and you just say stand up for me for a sec babe. She stands up, just smacks it on the ass, and says, sit down. It’s a dominance move. 

Doug Holt 8:04  

I haven’t done one yet. I got to try.

Franko Burrows 8:07  

That’s a good one. So yeah, and you can go playful, you can play fight, then play fight is a great way, I’ve got, my ex-girlfriend loves to play fighting. So yeah, I think Zack covered it for the physical.

Doug Holt 8:24  

I think that’s a good basis. I know you have a lot more that we could dive into here. But I think this gives the guys a basis of what you want to do when you’re, as you said, initiating without initiating. It’s really doing this but also doing it with some frequency, right? It’s not just a one-off. I do this on Wednesday and hope for the best. It’s something you want to do periodically as part of just who you are, as you said, the benevolent alpha.

Franko Burrows 8:50  

Yeah, the one thing I would add-in is don’t fall on the basis. So see, if he’s expecting you to go to first base, whatever first base is like Yeah, great, you probably got a routine you use for seducing her. And if it’s not working, then you probably got like first base second power. Right? Okay, he’s on first base, and now he’s on second base. I know exactly what he’s going to do next, so see if you can miss out on the base and just jump the fourth base, but then come back to first base, maybe? Or then just pull away completely, as you said.

Doug Holt 9:23  

Always keep her guessing. 

Franko Burrows 9:25  

Don’t follow the basics. 

Doug Holt 9:27  

Nice. So we got physically down, but we also want to talk about verbal things. What can we do to initiate without initiating verbally?

Franko Burrows 9:35  

So compliments, I think, are a big one. So as any good woman’s magazine will tell you, be specific. With your compliments, I would break it down into three areas. So let’s start with character. Okay, because we’re talking about getting her into feeling, your appreciation feeling, you’re feeling connected with you. So stop offering the character, but make sure it’s a character that gets her into her feminine. So don’t tell her. Like, other people might be telling you, you’re a strong independent woman, and I love that about you. It’s like, Fuck off. Don’t you love that about it? Maybe you do. But I mean, what I’m saying is that you could very well, she may have a masculine sort of role in her job, and she may be conquering the world and all sorts. Still, when you want to seduce her, you want to get her into a different state, so compliment her femininity, compliment how nurturing she is, complement how, what a good listener she is, or how soft she is. So she could still have all these other traits, but you’re going to focus on the feminine traits.

Doug Holt 10:52  

Yep. And so guys, if I can add on here, Franco. So I might do something here for you guys with kids if I will use the kids as an introduction to this compliment. So I might say something like to my wife, like, I love how you play it, the kids, your fun-loving nature is one of the reasons I married you. It always attracted me. Further encouraging that fun-loving nature, which can come out in so many different ways.

Franko Burrows 11:15  

Yeah, perfect. Love it. So then the next one would be fashion. And I love this one because it’s a great indirect way of getting sensual. Okay, so you can talk about his style, you can talk about fashion, you can compliment her on what she’s wearing, but tell her why. Okay, and you can even talk about the ownership side of it, getting her into your frame into your world, you can start to tailor what you like, and maybe, let’s say, her hair is down to shoulders, I think your hair should be a little bit longer, or Yeah, great I love that dress because it shows off your hips. Or I love that because I love when your hair is up because it shows off your neck. And especially if it’s genuine, it’s very important to be genuine with it. So really focus on when you see her in front of you. It’s like, how does she make me feel? What do I like about this? And I just call it out.

Doug Holt 12:12  

Yeah, and I’ll add something in here, guys. What’s the key here is, for example, if your wife, you’ve probably been with your wife for a while, or what have you don’t compliment the same thing over and over again. And don’t compliment the obvious. So if your wife has large breasts, don’t keep complimenting her on that because every guy in her life has always told her she had big boobs; find something else about her. That’s unusual. But also, as to Franco’s point, that’s authentic to you could be the softness of her skin, the feel, and you can roll this into what you said Franco is also a compliment. So you could talk about her fashion and compliment her, so I’m going to make it up on the spot Franco, please tell me if I’m getting this wrong because I don’t use fashion compliments very often, which I’m not a very fashion-forward guy. But you might say something along the lines of, wow, that dress highlights your legs. And you’ve always had. I’ve always loved how you take care of your body and your legs, like, exercising and what you have. It comes out in that guy’s, but that’s a general rule.

Franko Burrows 13:20  

Yeah, and that’s a perfect one. Because again, It’s kind of neutral; you can take it into a sexual realm if she wants to go there. But also, it’s still a genuine compliment. It’s like you do; you do have great legs. And that dress does highlight that.

Doug Holt 13:38  

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. But I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it. I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/freedom to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men just like you who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you. Go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/freedom right away. Now let’s get back to the show. 

Franko Burrows 14:18  

What I love about sorry, what do we have to say? 

Doug Holt 14:23  

Most people can’t see us, but we’re on video for those just listening to this podcast which always makes it interesting. One of the things I was going to say here is, as men, we often forget no matter how beautiful our wife is, she can be a 10 out of 10, right? Society and everything else her entire life has been telling her she’s ugly. So by using these compliments, she feels sexy, fit, whatever things that Franco is saying. This is going to allow her to relax, and sometimes women aren’t going to have sex, or at least they’re not going to initiate sex because they don’t feel sexy, and part of that sexiness is women’s magazines, as you said Franco TV and all the airbrushing and all the model. Like they set unrealistic expectations. So when your wife is by herself looking in the mirror, she’s thinking, geez, why would he want to have sex with me? I need to lose five pounds first, or whatever it may be.

Franko Burrows 15:16  

That is a great point. Yeah. And it’s the same as what I love about the fashion one as well. Because if she feels that what he likes, he loves it when I wear this dress, or he loves it when I wear these jeans. She can get excited then. And she links those excited feelings or those good feelings with you. And you can even progress this kinky stuff because this becomes like a fashion parade all of a sudden. It’s like, show me this or show me? No, we had one of the guys in the brother, and his wife was going off and buying bikinis and going off and buying underwear and whatever. And she couldn’t wait to try it on. And she’s like, parading up and down. And he’s just laying back and going. Yeah, I’d say why I like this one. And then it just, how can you not escalate from that?

Doug Holt 16:09  

What do you get? Imagine what those guys start, right? This guy goes from a sexless marriage to the next thing their wife’s parading around, giving him a fashion show, and a lot more as he would describe, which is amazing.

Franko Burrows 16:21  

Yeah. So I think that covers it for the verbal part. Well, yeah, all that we talked about the body he talked about, he compliments certain body parts and how they lock in the dress. So we covered that. And then I would say, I don’t know if you’ve ever played this, but questions are good. So let’s say we call him Dave, his name was Dave. But the guy who had that amazing letter, that email we had of his wife. After The Alpha Reset. When guys have a breakthrough like that, it’s just us. I mean, we were all in tears when we found out. And one of the things that stood out for me was when she said, and I’m discovering parts of this man that I didn’t know were there. 

Doug Holt 17:06  

So, just real quick, Franco, I want you to continue, I want to give the listeners because they may not know what we’re talking about here, in context is, so one of the men that went through the alpha, excuse me, went through The Activation Method, then went on to our one-year mastermind program called The Brotherhood. He also went to Wales, where I was at their co-leading it, and went through The Alpha Reset program. And he came back, and his wife was so amazed at the transformation that she took the time to write an email to the whole team as a thank you. And it was long, and it’s in the Facebook group. We’ve taken out everybody’s names so we wanted to show the guys. So what Franco was talking about is this woman was just amazed, so amazed at the transformation her husband has made over this journey that she had to tell us. So please continue.

Franko Burrows 17:56  

Yeah. And it was unsolicited. She just took it off her own back. So yeah, that’s what caught my attention as she was like, I’m just learning about this guy that they’d be married to I get along, they be married. But I’m assuming this runs about a decade at least. So you can use questions to get to know each other and ask each other things. And that you can take it in any direction. You can talk about childhood, you can talk about work, you can talk about dreams, and you can talk about sex, but again, you can talk about it in a very indirect way to start with.

Doug Holt 18:34  

The key here is to be playful, right? I think a lot of us guys, I’ve been guilty of this in the past Franco doing the question thing, but also being very, almost too serious about it, where it hasn’t been playful. And so you’re having a conversation about sex, and it’s kind of just really not vanilla, but boring, almost because you’ve taken too much of an analytical approach in a certain nation. 

Franko Burrows 18:57  

Yeah. It’s like getting down into measurements and angles. So we can’t help it, we men, but um, no. And also, we’re goal-oriented, aren’t we? So we like I thought we were talking about this, and she’s off on another tangent. And it just remembers to go with it sometimes, because the connection is, as well as that.

Doug Holt 19:21  

It’s like a dance. You’re dancing together. And if she decides to make another funky dance move in the conversation, just roll with it and have fun.

Franko Burrows 19:30  

Exactly. And then banter. I think the last bit with verbal stuff is flirting. Sort of make fun of her and be silly and be larger than life. And that’s one of the best ways to escalate as well. 

Doug Holt 19:49  

Absolutely. And I think guys listening to this, there’s a couple of things: a question we got in The Brotherhood. The past guys were like, Okay, what resources can I use for questions? And guys, there are things like I use table topics at our house, which is essentially something you can put on a table. We have a bunch of them. There are ones for families, but there are also ones for couples. And there are cards in there; they have a question. And they’re thought-provoking questions. There are also books of questions you can get, and there’s a book of crushed questions of love and sex that I have had since college. But you can roll through that. And that can spark some interesting conversations going through there.

Franko Burrows 20:27  

Do you want me to give a couple of examples? 

Doug Holt 20:29  

Yeah, go for it. 

Franko Burrows 20:30  

Like, I mean, you could start with what’s your favorite childhood memory? I mean, you may already know that, but something along those lines of like, what was the most amazing thing that’s happened to you in, I don’t know. Yeah, in your childhood. So then she’s like, getting into happy memories, she’s getting into good feelings, and then you could talk about the future. So you could say, what would be something that would be amazing that could happen to you in the next week? That’s, like, unlikely, but it’s within the realms of possibility. So as he’s like, getting excited about the future, and you could even talk about a sexual thing. You can even ask her about the ball. What’s your favorite part of your body?

Doug Holt 20:41  

That’s a good one.

Franko Burrows 21:20  

Yeah. And I was like, you want to know what mine is? What a favorite part of your body for me. And she was talking to her about her body in that way. And having the attention on her is just golden because she’s getting on. It’s like a fashion parade. The reason why it works. She’s getting all the attention. Because attention for women is like porn to us, it’s like, Oh, she’s getting off on the attention. But obviously, we’re getting the benefits of focusing on Obama because what a great topic for us. So it’s like, win-win.

Doug Holt 21:55  

Yep. And a great excuse to touch the area you’re talking about. So if you say, Yeah, oh, your legs are my favorite. You can reach over and touch her legs as you’re talking about them. And it gives you kind of an excuse to do so.

Franko Burrows 22:07  

Yeah, absolutely. And I’m just trying to preempt questions and concerns from the men; probably shit test is a big one. Oh, yes. Like she’s going to say, you’re a pervert, or what did the one guy say? His wife said he’s a predator. No, what was it? She said he was something like that. And I was just, like, making it larger than life. Just agree and amplify?

Doug Holt 22:34  

Yep. And engage the difference. If you’re different, the outcome you take automatically is the frame or you own the situation when you stop caring about what she’s going to say or laugh about it. Like it’s a big joke.

Franko Burrows 22:49  

Exactly. Yeah. Agree and amplify. I’ll just be amused by it.

Doug Holt 22:55  

Yep, that’s my favorite one. I am just amused by the whole situation. Laughing. Because either way, you come out ahead, you’re enjoying the time. And she’s wondering, like, what the heck, why is this guy like this? I always love it. Absolutely. Awesome. And so Franco. So, guys, I can see guys going; okay, I want to try this. We’ve been in a dry spell for a year; we’ve had guys come through the program that has broken six-year dry spells no sex for that long. So this guy listening to this right now has been in a dry spell, let’s say six months to a year, and he hasn’t done any initiating. What are two things he can do today?

Franko Burrows 23:36  

To number one, focus on how he can get intimate without being sexual. So whether it’s on the verbal side or the physical side, have that mindset that you are the benevolent alpha; you’re going to do it anyway. And even if she didn’t like it, or whatever, you want it with the best of intentions, okay, I’ll be the first one. And the second one would be, just have fun with it. You’re doing it for yourself and her. So find ways that meet her needs and your needs. Like I mentioned with the fashion parade, and talking about her body, it’s like, find that medium point in the middle, where you’re both going to have fun, you’re both going to be like, Oh, this is good.

Doug Holt 24:27  

Love it. And that’s a big thing that comes out of The Alpha Reset for men in The Brotherhood or the inner circle programs we have is; guys just like having that fun a long time. I don’t even know how to do that. And they find themselves when you find yourself. You’re so grounded that it just becomes natural. It’s fun and easy. And it just flows through you.

Franko Burrows 24:44  

Yeah, I agree. And when I went through that period, when I was so caught up in business, I became very serious, and you do lose that, and when you get back into that state, the ideas just flow. They dissolve when you fully activate them. And again, it’s like, yeah, of course I mean, it’s like being a kid on the playground. The creativity is just flowing back,  

Doug Holt 25:08  

Absolutely. Well, we both know I’m a big kid. So that’s not a problem for me. Well, guys Franco, thank you so much for taking the time to be here and share your wisdom and knowledge. Guys, if you like this kind of conversation, head over to the Facebook group. If you’re a business owner, right now, it’s restricted to business owners only. But if you are a business owner and want to be involved in this level of conversation, we have a free community. Guys, we’re not asking for anything from you. Just head over there. The only thing I will ask, though, is to participate in the conversations if you do join the community. Don’t be avoidant. Step out of the shadows and participate. You have amazing men like Franco here who are always there sharing their wisdom and knowledge to make your lives better. So gentlemen, get over there and make sure you post an introduction. Let Franco know who you are. And I’d love to see you over there as well. Guys, as always, take some action. That’s a wrap for us. And that’s another episode of The Powerful Man show in the bag. Thank you again, Franco. 

Franko Burrows 26:05  

Thanks, Doug.

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