Episode #1023
If you’ve ever apologized to your wife and felt like it didn’t land or made things more tense, this episode is for you. We talk about why “sorry” often falls flat, what your wife is really looking for, and how to approach conflict in a way that actually builds trust instead of just trying to smooth things over.
We also break down the importance of knowing your deeper why, not just for your marriage but for yourself. Because if you’re not clear on what you’re really fighting for, you’re just spinning your wheels. This one’s about getting honest, showing up with purpose, and learning how to lead with more than just words.
If you’re tired of trying to fix things with quick apologies and you’re ready to actually shift how you show up in your marriage, grab the free training at https://fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales. It’s a great place to start getting real change.
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Transcription
Jared 0:00
I mean, I’ve got three kids, and I feel so connected with them. Everyone. Always it sounds cliche, but it’s like, no, my kids are special. This is amazing. And they’re amazing because now my wife and her amazing, and they’re feeding off that energy, and they’re growing in both their faith and their personalities and all these they’re becoming little better humans too, yes, and it just it correlates to everybody. When you grow, everyone else grows when you’re in trouble, everyone else is gonna be in trouble.
Doug Holt 0:40
Too. Hey guys, welcome back to the TPM show, and today is a very special episode. I am at the TPM ranch right now. Live with the TPM legends event, and we have two of our legends here right now. Today we’re going to talk about consistency. Boys. Gentlemen, what’s up?
Donny 0:56
How’s it going? Dougie,
Doug Holt 0:58
good. How’s the event so far?
Jared 1:00
it’s epic man. It’s epic, epic adventures. Epic men. You know how it works? Epic growth. Epic growth. Yep,
Doug Holt 1:06
absolutely. Well, today we wanted to talk about consistency. And what does consistency mean to you?
Donny 1:12
It is deciding every day, when I wake up, that I’m going to do the thing that I’m uncomfortable with doing, okay, like getting in this booth right now to do this podcast, I actually didn’t want to do it. Yeah? Now you said that in the kitchen, yeah? And so I said, You know what I’m doing it, it feels uncomfortable, so it must be right.
Doug Holt 1:33
Awesome. There you go. Jared chief, how about you?
Jared 1:34
For me, it’s, it’s doing whatever you’re supposed to do, regardless of if you want to do it or not. You gotta get shit done and get it done, right? Because a lot of people depend on you. A lot of things happen, and you gotta be consistent with that. If not, you know, things go awry, and you don’t want that to happen.
Doug Holt 1:52
No, you don’t. I mean, you guys are legends, right? So think back to we often talk about Doug 1.0 or Jared 1.0 or Donnie 1.0 when you’re thinking about that was consistency in your lives back then,
Jared 2:05
not at all. I mean, I was, I was the guy who waited till the very end to get anything done, super procrastinator. And, you know, all work out tomorrow. Or, you know, oh, I’ll start dieting, eating right tomorrow, whatever guy and tomorrow could have been yesterday, and discipline and consistency is kind of the difference in making that go from a one off to your lifestyle. I don’t feel like I’m a Greek Adonis by any shape of imagination, but I feel like I’m in the best shape of my life. I feel like I’m financially on the right path now. I feel like my marriage is better than it’s ever been, and I attribute that to me showing up consistently.
Doug Holt 2:45
It’s key. It’s fundamental. How about you, Donny,
Donny 2:47
I feel like most of my life I was like the poster child for Parkinson’s Law. Yeah, you know, if you give me the time, I’ll fill it all till the very last minute, till the very last second. And I always intended to be consistent. Always intended to get up and work out every day, and not until being a part of this movement and having the accountability of guys like Jared, other guys in the movement, to like, call me forward, was I able to, like, establish consistency?
Doug Holt 3:12
It’s been consistency. How many, what post number you want in the community.
Donny 3:18
It’s I know working out with the ARS this week is actually like, four consecutive years of, like, not missing a day.
Jared 3:27
He took my record. I was trying to go for the record. I was like, I’m never gonna catch him
Donny 3:30
, yeah, and this isn’t like, I work out for two hours a day. It started with you sending out an email to us with a little workout schedule. I think it was like 1000 jumping jacks, and I just committed to that. And with Coach Mark Smith and my Activation Method, you know, they just put it out there to just say, I said I’m going to see if I can work out 30 days in a row. I’ll probably be too tired to keep going. I’ll probably be too sore, you know, I’ve got back issues. I’ve got this, all these stories that said I’ll never be able to continue it after 30 days, but it just did one day at a time, and every day became day one.
Doug Holt 4:07
I mean that. And that’s the thing is, it’s one step after the other, and if you step, you stumble, you get back up, right? So in coming into the movement, and now you’re seeing this consistency. Have you seen it shown up in other areas of your life, like the benefit?
Donny 4:19
Yeah, I think it’s so much easier to be 1% better and everything else if you’re doing at least one thing consistently, because just, you just stack habits, you just stack the consistency across all areas.
Doug Holt 4:30
How about you Jared?
Jared 4:31
For me, I mean, when I’m consistent, she’s consistent. Yeah, when I’m consistent, the kids are consistent. And when I’m consistent, when things go awry, they don’t seem to be as big of a problem when I consistently show up as my best self, I lead and I’m a better human because of whether it’s consistent my routines, my workouts, my, you know, my business, my whatever the best version of me is the consistent version of me.
Doug Holt 4:57
I mean, you think about it. Last night we had an. Amazing dinner out. 16 guys having fun, some guys indulging in drinks last night. Some guys don’t drink, but great conversations. We were up pretty late, and here we are at 630 in the morning. You know, at the TPM Ranch, it’s 106 acre ranch, to give context, and guys see guys jogging down to the barn at 615 to make sure they’re they’re on time. I was leading the workout. I expected six guys to show up. I really did. And so I had the workout devised for up to 10 dudes. Yeah, every single guy showed even a guy with injuries that couldn’t work out, showed up on time, ready to rock and roll. And I think that’s the power we think about the T when I think about TPM legends, these are guys that have been in the movement for a long time doing the actual work that it takes to do. Yeah, a lot of times it’s not the work that guys showed up for, right, right? Show up to fix your wife, get her to change, and then the men start to discover themselves and what it really means to be a powerful person inside a powerful man inside yourself.
Jared 5:57
I think we all, you know, we all make the joke of, you know, save your marriage without talking about is why we all got here. The truth is, four years later, we all saved ourselves, and we saved ourselves by doing the work, putting in the effort. And some of the people saved their marriage, some of these people moved on to greener pastures, but ultimately, they’re all better versions of themselves for doing that work. And to do that work, you know, what separates the men from the boys, if you will, the guys who, kind of, you know, really are the legends or the leaders, are the guys who show up consistently get shit done and do it, not because they have to, because they want to.
Doug Holt 6:34
Yeah. Well, I think what’s happening is you guys paved the way, right? And what I mean by that is this gentleman I’m working with one on one, so I do want a lot of one on one coaching. And I was talking to him, I go, and so I started reading my notes from him two years ago, one on one for two years. I go, here’s what we were talking about two years ago. And both just started laughing. And he goes, Man, I’m just so happy. I found the real me again. Yeah, you know. And he didn’t. I think guys listening to this aren’t looking for the quote, real them, right? The best version of themselves, because that version of themselves seems so far away they don’t know what they’re missing in there. What if you guys, when you think about consistency, we’ll stick with that topic, though, when you start to uncover like, oh crap, there’s Donny. Oh crap, there’s Jared. How is that applied to your life? How’s that showing up?
Jared 7:27
I `think there’s an ongoing joke in my my friend group at home, of, oh, you’re going to Oregon again. Like, oh, you’re gonna do some, you know, some growth, some you’re gonna come back a better version of yourself. So I’ve consistently showed up to the ranch, consistently showed up in TPM, because I didn’t like that one, that one, that 1.0 version of me. I hated that guy, and I’d never want to go back. And for me, the best way to go back is to keep going forward. And if I keep going forward, that guy gets further and further and further in the rear view, where at some point he gone. So that, that, to me, is the best way to make sure I keep pushing forward is to stay consistent moving forward.
Doug Holt 8:03
Yeah, you got to keep growing, right? Yeah, but you Donnie,
Donny 8:06
I just think there were so many opportunities before with version 1.0 where everything was Yeah, but yeah, but sure, that was always the answer, and now it’s just like, No, that’s just a story that’s not true. That’s not true.
Doug Holt 8:17
Well, it’s kind of like you were saying we were we were literally just in the kitchen before filming this, and I looked to you and said, Hey, you want to come on with Jared? And you’re like, you know what scares me? So, yes, yeah, but that takes huge balls, man. That’s courage right there. That’s like, hey, this thing scares me. So that’s this I’ve learned over time. That’s a sign that I should do it. Yeah, you know. And you guys have really become, you know lighthouses to overused analogy right here on the podcast, probably, but you’re showing the light for the guys behind you. So sometimes in other groups I’ve been in, people reach a business for example, you reach a certain monetary standard level or business success. Very rarely do guys reach their hand down for the men behind them and pull the way up. And what I love about you and the other men in the house right now hanging out is you guys all that’s why I would think of you guys as legends, is you come back and you go, Okay, I’ve been here for four years. Let me show you what I’ve seen. Let me show you how to do it. Somebody asked me, we went horseback riding today. Somebody asked me about kind of what was the question, how do I accept forgiveness, right? And I said, first I said, I just have to say sorry. That’s cool. I go, You know what? That’s not true. You have to show me, yeah. You have to show me through your actions, you change, yeah, and that you you guys, exemplify that, I think, for the men that are coming, coming behind you,
Jared 9:39
yeah, I think reaching back to help pull someone up too. Also makes you reflect on how far you’ve come. And I look back at that version of myself as embarrassed and ashamed and all these emotions around that version of that guy I don’t like. I’m grateful for him because I’m proud of where I am now, and I can look back at him and also use his exam. It as an example for other guys to go, Look, I’ve come this far. I realize you’re at rock bottom, or you’re, you know, you know, trying to save your marriage or whatever, but if I can do it, you can do it too. And so I think we lead by example, but also we keep a high standard for ourselves. That kind of osmosis just correlates to the other guys,
Donny 10:21
and there’s, there’s no egos here. I mean, there’s ball busting, there’s jokes, there’s sarcasm, but there’s no ego, egotism. There’s no competition here. No everybody’s working on their own individual journey, but all collectively, we’re on the same path.
Doug Holt 10:38
That’s rare, right? Being around this group of guys who
Jared 10:41
are a bunch of businessmen, a bunch of successful guys, they’re all gonna start, you know, comparing wallets and bank accounts and none of that crap matters here. It’s just who you are. What do you bring to the table? And how can I help you? How can you help me?
Donny 10:53
the guy at the ranch even said that too. We were at the horse ranch. He was just like, I’ve never had a group of this many guys all together. It’s usually either couples, or it’s a girls thing, or it’s stuff like that. He’s like, this is really unique. You guys are all here as a unit, and it happens together
Jared 11:10
That’s the wild part. Is like, to me, it’s, it’s, I feel like Redmond airport is just like my second home. I feel like, you know, we’ll go we go to Cuba, we go to Iceland, we go to all these places. Everyone’s like, you go to Q, you’ve been to ice, like, yeah? Like, it’s just what we do,
Doug Holt 11:25
yeah. And it’s with great guys. And I think you said there, I want to drive it home, because I couldn’t find it, right? Tim, couldn’t find it, yeah. And so we’re like, Let’s build the clubhouse, right? But let’s find great guys who want to better themselves, who are, are good guys? Yeah. And the thing that’s interesting about this is all the men that are you guys, and the men that are in the house right now and the men that are in the movement are at the top of their game. So they can’t talk to their staff about what’s going on, right? They can’t talk to their family if they’re leading it. Most of their friends don’t get it, right? You talk to your friends back home. You love them. But you can’t have deep conversations or, or maybe it’s you don’t want to have personal conversations with them, because they’re going to tell their wives or something else. So men come here together and they’re having deep conversations. There’s fart jokes making fun of each other. We’ve known each other for we’re dudes, yeah? But it’s also deep conversations about, you know, guys, children are struggling, or they’re struggling. Yeah, guys that are lost, like, Hey, I don’t I’m lost right now. Yeah, and there’s no judgment, and guys get competitive on how we can help everybody. And that’s, I don’t know another place like that.
Jared 12:32
There isn’t one. I mean, I was sitting on the porch here, overlooking the mountains, just beautiful valley, just just reflecting on life. And another, another guy, Alan, were sitting there, and we were just reflecting on how far we’ve come, and just also now how that correlates to our kids, and how we’re leading them in their faith, and how we’re leading them into, you know, into what we believe. And it’s just really grounding to know that someday when those kids are struggling with their own issues, they’ll come back to that advice dad gave him or whatever, and dad was able to give that advice and be that guy, because he’s showing up consistently and he’s being a good leader, and they’re gonna take it to heart.
Doug Holt 13:08
Yeah? Well, here’s a question for you, Jared, since I hope it’s okay, I’ve asked this for sure. You know, we’re a non denominational organization, right? We have Christians, Jewish, atheists, Muslim, whatever, yep, but as a Christian man, one of the most common questions we get asked is, will this disrupt my faith?
Jared 13:27
Absolutely not. I’m a Christian. Been a Christian my whole life. Really leaned into that faith. Over the past three years, I’ve been in TPM for over five now, but really tapped back into my faith after a push from one of the brothers, Austin, my brother, my partner in crime, and this he pushed me. He’s like, Hey, why aren’t you going back to church with your family? Like, what’s the story there? I’m like, oh, you know, blah, blah, blah, covid, all this stuff. And he pushed me back into going to church. And this past Sunday, I’m sitting there with my whole family lined up in church, my wife’s holding my son, my son is singing every word to every song as it’s playing on the screen. And I’m looking, I just start crying, and I’m just like, This is not real. This shouldn’t have happened like we were on we were gonna get divorced, you know, all these things. And I’m sitting here in church, in my faith, with my family, and I’ve made it and for to answer your question, TPMS brought me closer to God and closer to my faith, not just because of, you know it’s the right thing to do and whatever, but sometimes you know, when you hit rock bottom, the brightest light is going to be your faith. But also these, these brothers. I mean, not to sound bombastic about it, but it’s almost like Jesus’s disciples. It’s like you got to surround yourself with a brotherhood of men who who share those same values as you, not just in their faith, but you know, in their business and this and that. So you have all these things that correlate together, and you really find that. That community being of the same cloth as you, and it just it strengthens your faith even that much more. But in the same breath, there’s, there’s guys that have been in here that have been Muslim or atheist or whatever, and I’m just as close as them. So it’s like, you know what? We’re all God’s to me, in my mind, we’re all God’s children, and I’m not gonna not love you, or not whatever, because you have a different faith, like, that’s what makes the world go around.
Doug Holt 15:25
I think you hit it with all the guys here. Regardless, we all have different backgrounds. You guys are two Texas boys. I’m from Southern California, right, deeper in the south, right? I was like, but, you know, we all share the same values, right? We have different upbringings. You know, I went to the beach, some guys went to the country or the ranch or the country club, whatever, growing up. But we all share the same values and goodness in our hearts for what we want to do, for our families, our communities. And we’d show we’re all businessmen, we’re just natural, we’re the crazy ones, right? We decided to take all the risks and go for it, going through there. And when I think about how that relates to consistency, it’s being consistent is, I think the first thing when I think of consistency is showing up, right? Without the excuses I was sharing this with, I think was you, Jared, maybe both you guys. But when I meet guys for the first time. Often guys will come up to me, go, Dude, I’ve been listening to the podcast for three years, like, why the heck didn’t I do this sooner? And it’s because sometimes it’s hard when you think about consistency, you don’t you’re talking about after 30 days, I may not go, but it’s really that first initial push, right? That first that first day of making that commitment like today, I will show up.
Donny 16:43
yeah. I think just, you just start small and build from there and to piggyback on the the faith thing. I think every person that we’ve talked to or for us personally, it hasn’t separated us from our faith. It’s enhanced our faith. Yep, that’s got us out of our own selves and closer to that, whatever your spiritual side is,
Doug Holt 17:02
Well, there’s a group within TPM, as you guys know this, but it’s the powerful Christian man. We’ve had several scholars codify the Bible and the teachings. We’ve been accused of being Christian organization disguise that. We took these, all our teachings from the Bible. But I think what it was is just in the trenches. This is what works. Yeah, right. And going through there and trying to relate this back to consistency, but it’s a good conversation, yeah, at the end of the day, it comes back. But you guys are such a wealth of knowledge. Yeah, it’s the guys. I mean, here we are. Heck, we’re at the first legends event. This is definitely not going to be the last one. It’s awesome. This. It’ll be at least one to two a year. I’m having a great time. You know? It’s great conversations and catching up with men and who have done the work year after year after year. And most guys here, this is their most guys. Is probably the first entree into real growth. Most everybody’s done business growth before, or business coaching, or what have you. And to see everybody here consistently showing up. And you can tell when guys backslide right, that it’s when they go lone wolf. That lone Wolfing is two things. We call it right. Guys stop showing up. They start showing up the community. They do it for two reasons. One, I’ve made it. I made it. Yeah, I figured it out, and then they stopped doing their routines, they stopped showing up, and then they wake up one day, just like a lot of these guys right now listening to us that woke up one day feeling lost, confused, stuck or in a marriage that’s sexless, or realizing that their roommates, right? Yeah. The second reason guys drop out is shame and guilt. Yeah, something’s not working the way they want to. They they’re they feel shame and guilt going through there. The thing I love about this group of guys in particular is, and most, I would say, probably 80% of the guys, is you guys pull no punches calling each other out. I mean, pull no punches. I love it.
Jared 18:56
You hit the nail on the head. I know one else core values it in the corporate side is to call it out. Yep. And I think the guys are the gold standard for that. If you are falling short, if you’re getting fat, you’re getting broke, you know, all the things that we don’t want, we’re not gonna skirt around and be like, oh, you know he’s going through some hard times. Blah, blah, blah, no. It’s like,
Doug Holt 19:17
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Jared 20:10
like, show up. What’s going on? Why are you? You know, whatever, and let’s work through this together. And that support network has been there for me when I was down, and now that I’m up, if you will, I remember where that came from, and I helped try to, you know, pick others up with me.
Donny 20:27
I was just like, I think because of the culture and the organization too, it all comes from a place of love, yeah, like, it’s tough love, but it comes from a place of love, not criticism, not, you know, judgment. This is a judgment free zone, as you always say it is, and I think that we embody that the way we stick together and as a team.
Doug Holt 20:46
Yeah, it was interesting for me. As you guys know, my story is, last few years, I’ve had my head down working on marketing is not working or operations or coaching or the visionary role going through there. So I haven’t, I attended the big events, but I haven’t been involved in the community as I could have been tons of stories. So my mom died last month, last week. As you guys know, I can’t tell you how many messages I got from men in the movement, like phone calls, text messages, foxers messages, not just, Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, but like deep messages from guys that I haven’t talked to in a while, which just reignited my belief in what we’re doing, right? It’s men that really give a shit, quite honestly, that every guy comes in here for one reason, one reason only, to better themselves, right? A group of guys come in here to save their marriage or to better it. We’re now getting guys are being proactive, which is great. They’re like, hey, my marriage is good, but I want to be that went through this. I want what he has now. And then we also have another group of guys that come in and just like, I’m just stuck, man, I checked all the flipping boxes, you know, I got, I got the house, the 2.3 kids, the dog, the fence and everything. And I’m lost. I’m not happy, like, what’s the deal? And so you see both those guys come in there for themselves, which they rightfully show, and the next thing you know, within what about four weeks or so, they’re fighting for each other. Yeah, you have a band of brothers that’s got your back, and they’re not letting down. And that man that moves me.
Jared 22:12
I mean, we have a we have one brother actually getting married next week, yeah, and another brother is officiating his wedding, yep. Like, I mean, you talk about full circle. I mean, that that, that, to me, is about as epic as it gets. And with these guys like there, there are bonds that are made here. I mean, that are undeniably stronger than anything, frankly, the world, the worldly, world has to offer. I mean, we have one, one guy who’s an operator, if you will, an ex operator, and special forces, special forces. And he talks about the bonds within TPM were not to mess, you know, not to crap on his military career at all, because it’s a mile long. But he’s talks about how these bonds here are stronger than he had in the military. And it’s like whoa. Like you go into war with these people. But he’s been in the trenches too, in his marriage and his personal life with us, yeah, and that as an adult is what’s grounded him and allowed him to go officiate a wedding.
Doug Holt 23:12
an amazing guy, yeah. I don’t know if you know this. You know that I officiate a wedding for guy in The Brotherhood. I do okay, yeah, wild. It was crazy. So yeah, he called me up because he’s like, this completely changed my life. He didn’t come in to try to save his marriage. He came in because he was just stuck and looking for something, and found himself again. And there was only one other guest he wanted to be super private. That’s not true. There’s outside of his family that was there, and he was like, no. Just means so much to my my wife and I, we want to, want you to officiate it. Wow, yeah. Meant a lot to me. Obviously, it was a great time, lots of fun.
Jared 23:45
I mean, where you’re saving marriages, but you’re also making marriages, yeah? And I think that guys have grown now, you know, through and whether they’re together or gotten divorced or whatever, like, life goes on, and these guys have just stayed consistent with each other throughout it, thick or thin, ride or die. I mean, me and him go to barbecue and play golf a few times a month. Like it’s just, it’s just consistent, you know, and you can count on it. And that’s what to me consistency is, is also being able to count on somebody.
Doug Holt 24:14
Well, that’s what I’m getting at, right? So just take the two of you guys right, consistency, you know, if you need something, Donnie is there, right? And vice versa. And if you know, if Jared says, hey, I’ll meet you at this time, he’s showing up at that time. And you consistently are showing up as the men that you are. And this is why you’re getting the responses from not only your wife, but which gets me as your kids, right? Man. I mean, I remember you and your kids when I first talked to you, that was my big worry, right? Yeah, knock, you know, if I’m gonna say yeah, you weren’t connected with your kids at all. Now we’re on the horses riding, and what were we talking about our kids? Yep, yeah. It’s like, awesome. It’s a 180 dude. It really is. Yeah. I mean, I’ve got three kids, and I I feel so connected with them. And so I just. Everyone always it sounds cliche, but it’s like, no, my kids are special. This is amazing, and they’re amazing because now my wife and I are amazing, and they’re feeding off that energy, and they’re growing in both their faith and their personalities and all these they’re becoming little better humans too, yes, and it’s it just it correlates to everybody. When you grow, everyone else grows when you’re in trouble, everyone else is gonna be in trouble too. Monkey, see. Monkey, do
Donny 25:27
I ever told you this too. Like, just seeing the transition over the last couple years, like the pictures of your kids, yeah, like their smiles, oh yeah. Are, like, amazingly contra contrasted from the first time I saw pictures of his kids, yeah. Like, it’s just wide smiles, okay, that’s super happy.
Jared 25:44
live a great life too. I mean, let’s face it, live on a damn Island. I mean, it’s like living for them. But before, honestly, life was chaos because they had, they saw the stuff at home and it we you know, as much as you want to shelter them from your problems, they’re going to feel that energy, that negativity, if your marriage sucks, but when your marriage is right, they’re naturally gonna just, Oh, mom and dad love each other, and there’s more love in the house, more fun in the house, and everything’s better for everybody.
Doug Holt 26:10
I mean, that’s what the mission of TPM is, to save the children by saving the fathers first. Amen and men. Listening to this, you are lying to yourselves if you don’t think that your kids know what’s going on, yeah, they know exactly what’s going on. They may not know the details, right, but they know if you’re feeling disconnected, if you’re stressed, anxious, angry, you and your wife are disconnected, you’re unhappy, your kids feel that. And like I said, monkey see. Monkey do, right? I mean, you guys have been to enough events where we’ve talked about generational bonds, right? Generational things that have carried down from great grandfather, grandfather, father, son, and then eventually grandson, and going down the lineage that get passed on, those things can be hard to break, right? And a lot of reason is because men are scared to do the work. Yeah, it’s always excuses not enough to talk about the antithesis of consistency. It’s just not the right time. Jared, you know, I just don’t know. Donnie, you know what I’m saving up to do remodel. I don’t really want to invest that money right now. It’s just selfish of me, dude, my wife finds out that I invested money in a course like those are all the excuses we hear hundreds of times a week as the same story. And the difference is, is you guys broke that story? Yeah, you broke that the idea behind, okay, I can’t do this too. Let’s go
Jared 27:35
ironically. Bring that up, because I’m a real estate investor by trade, and everyone always comes to me like, what’s what’s the best real estate investment? What’s the best? How can I make? I’m like, Dude, you don’t make anything in real estate. Let’s be real you make few percent cash on cash return, and you make, might make a lick at the end. Great. The best investment you can make is in yourself, whether it’s your own business or your own growth or your own whatever it is. Invest that capital, literally, those dollars that you were gonna think you were gonna turn into a short term rental or whatever, put those dollars back into yourself and see what it does, yeah? And you’ll have more money than you know what to do with if you do it right. And I mean,
Donny 28:12
it’s the best get get rich quick scheme out there.
Doug Holt 28:16
It is, right, yeah, it was a As a man thinketh, we talk about like nobody can ever take it away from you. They can take away your cars, take away your house, they can take away your money, take away your Bitcoin, yep, but it can’t take away what’s inside of you. They can’t take away your belief systems. They can’t take away your knowledge.
Jared 28:31
And those are the most rich men at the end of the day, really it’s not amount of money, amount of zeros in your bank account. It’s not of people around you and the love you got,
Doug Holt 28:39
yeah. And if you’re showing up consistently, yep, and that’s what the number one so I’ve had the advantage of talking and guys have heard this on the show before. Of several men’s wives, it’s a rarity, but you know, while they’re going through a coaching program, and the number one thing I hear, one of the number one, pretty darn close, is lack of consistency. Yeah, I don’t know what I’m gonna get when he comes through the door. I feel his energy. But, you know, he’s consistent for a week, but then he falls off. And so the woman feels like she needs to be the alpha in the relationship, because she needs consistency for safety. If she’s not feeling safe, she’s got to be the man, so to speak. And the guy’s got two options. One is he can stand rise up against her, so to speak. Well, there’s three options. One is he can rise up against her, which most men don’t do because they’re good guys. Two is he’s got to back down and be submissive, or, you know, the third thing he can do is do the work and provide safety and take back leadership and lead his family.
Jared 29:38
Lead, every time I have a disagreement with my wife, Tim’s voice is in the back of my head. Lead. Jared lead show up. She needs to be led, you know. And women need that. They need to feel safe, to be in their feminine and if they’re not seeing her desired, but most importantly, safe. Good luck. Good luck getting laid. Good luck being happy. Good luck all those things. If she’s not in that. It all bets are off, but when they when, when all bets are on is when you’re showing up consistently and being your best version of yourself, not just for her and your kids, but for yourself.
Doug Holt 30:10
Yeah, you’re another example of a story we talked about. I hope I don’t get you in trouble with this. We’re good, but you said you’re in the best shape your life. Yeah, where’s that leading up? Is anybody else noticing?
Jared 30:22
absolutely. I mean, I don’t see it because, you know, you look in the mirror every day and you see yourself, but people that haven’t seen you in a while, like, Dude, you’re looking this, you’re looking that. And sure, it Toots the ego. But ultimately, I’m like, I’m not doing it for that. I’m not doing it to get ripped. I want to live longer. I want to be a better dad. I want to be stronger, fit, healthy. I want to hit the golf ball longer, you know, like, all the added advantages to being in shape and, like, I mean, I’m a six pack. I’m still 18% body fat, but let’s be real, like, I’m strong, and it feels good to be strong, and the confidence that brings and and all those things, man, it just it trickles down. And now, I mean, my wife, she’s in the best shape of her life. So it’s like, wait a second, like you’re you’re just starting to correlate. Now my daughter, actually, my daughter’s hitting me up for a stair master because, you know, she’s 15 now she wants to be strong in her legs and and be a better cheerleader, jumping in all that stuff. So now she’s working out, and it’s like, well, you lead by example, and everybody starts to follow
Doug Holt 31:19
now imagine Jared 1.0 I hate that guy, but everybody was following that guy too. Yeah, right. And Donnie 1.0 and Doug 1.0 yeah, right. They’re following up that behavior that we were doing way back in the day. We didn’t know better, right? Or reacting or going into DEER mode, defending, excusing, explaining, reacting. And this goes for the men listening to this like they’re they’re watching, yeah, right. And how you know they’re watching is when you’re doing good stuff. I hear this all the time about guys that start working out. And so a lot of times, the wives will even make fun of them, or what have you, for a little bit. And if they’re consistent, next thing you know, the wife a month later or six months later, sometimes right away, but usually it takes some time. They’re like, Oh, I found out my wife has been, you know, using the treadmill while I’m at work or doing this, you’re starting to work out again. Yeah, because they are watching
Jared 32:05
Yeah, I’m a big supplement blood panel, all those things. Guy, no, my wife is, you know, like, just naturally, when you lead right and you’re consistent, the people that you care about the most are also going to start being consistent. Hell, my friend group at home, they’re consistently getting better as well. And I’m not saying that I’m the reason for that, but I would say that I inspire them in that. And I mean, actually, one of my college roommates has been here to the ranch for a reset, so let’s be real like I do lead by example, and he saved his marriage because of it. And in fact, we saw his wife out, out at the mall area, if you will, without him. And she just thanked me. That’s and was like, a good dude. I mean, it was just, it was like, wow, like, this family is together, and they were full on, divorce and separated, got remarried, renewed their vows, living together, building a new house, living his best life. And it’s like, I’ll never forget that. He texts me. He’s like, so what’s with this TPM thing? What’s this testimonial that you have on here? And I’m like, let me tell you. And he’s living his best life now,
Doug Holt 33:06
that’s all. I love hearing that man. He was at the end of his Alpha Reset, because I let it, yeah, my kids came. My daughter was like, four, and she’s, she won’t leave. She’ll call her my shadow. X, I couldn’t talk to anybody. And he comes over and goes, you wanna see my dog? And just start, like, what a good dad. He mess with kids, right? He was awesome. Are you sure you Okay? He’s like, Yeah, I’m good. And she just was putty in his hands, just watching dog videos and pictures of his kids. Yeah, you know, allowed me to go around and talk to the other guys and spend a little time with them
Jared 33:37
He’s an amazing human. And I’ll tell you what he put in the work. And he got, he got what he wanted. And we all, I mean, we’re goal oriented people, and we kind of have that carrot to move us stubborn ass donkey sometimes, and that carrot was saving his marriage. That’s what it was for me. I’ve done it. He’s done it. You can do it too.
Doug Holt 33:55
Yeah, awesome. Let’s give some parting words to these guys about consistency. I can picture a guy listening to this. I’m sure you guys can too, right in the car, on the treadmill, listening to one podcast after another podcast. Or maybe it’s been listening to this podcast for a long time. What do you what would you say? Don’t start with you, like, what’s one tip? Or one thing you would tell him about consistency and the benefit and or the action step,
Donny 34:21
I would say, just start with one thing. Start with one thing. Master the art of showing up for that every day. You know, watch your energy change from it. Obviously it’s, it’s going to just transform how, how you show up around people, and what you attract. And if you just work on that one thing. Because it’s easy for us to say, Oh, I got this, this, this, this, and I could prove but you can’t do everything. Just pick one. I think I posted a graphic the other day on the app, and it was a person filling up six different jars, and they use one picture, and each of the jars just had a little bit in, yeah. And then the other image was one picture filling up one jar, and it was completely full. And it was just do one thing at a time.
Doug Holt 35:01
Love it. Great advice. Yeah, Jared, how about you?
Jared 35:05
It kind of actually correlates off that it’s you gotta figure out your why. For me, it was, hey, I’m here to save my marriage, to save my family. I ended up saving myself in the process. But if you’re not really sure of like your North Star, of your why, you gotta figure that out, because without it, you’re just you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. You’re blind, leading the blind. You don’t really you’re going to be lost. But when you get solid in your this is what I want show me, a man with a mission. I’ll show you a man that can conquer the world. And if you make your man, if you make that mission clear, black and white. You’re going to get it, but you got to figure that out.
Doug Holt 35:47
Commitment, yeah,
Donny 35:47
non negotiable.
Doug Holt 35:47
Yeah, it’s got to be non negotiable. I’ll throw out one. Just take the smallest first step, yeah, whatever it is, even if it’s a micro step, get on a phone call. If it’s not TPM, go somewhere else. If it’s you want to be better golfer. Call a golf pro or show up to the go putting, you know, go miniature golf. See if you can get it through the windmill right, whatever it is, do something, because then you could get momentum within that action, right, and then you can get consistency. And then, well, guys, it’s been a fun event. We got a lot more fun coming, you know, two full more days tonight’s going to be a great time. Appreciate you guys being here and all that you guys do.
Donny 36:24
Thanks, Doug, thank you
Jared 36:24
can’t wait to come back. Appreciate all you do for the world,
Donny 36:27
and thanks to Colton for it all. He doesn’t behind the scenes back
Doug Holt 36:31
there. He does an amazing job.
Jared 36:32
My favorite shop, dog, gentlemen,
Doug Holt 36:35
as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. You have two examples of men. Both men came in for varying reasons, into the movement for their own reasons, and come out with a brotherhood of men that have their back, and they’re showing up consistently. I mean, you talked about Donnie posting day after day for years, and that’s showing up for himself. But not only is that showing up that consistency for yourself, he’s also inspiring so many other men, hundreds and hundreds of other men, and that ripple effect goes to their families, because their communities or like Jared is saying, Hey, I’m just, I’m showing up being the best version of myself. And guess what? My daughter’s watching. My wife’s in the best shape she’s ever been. My friends are saving their marriages. And that’s not him, you know, pontificating or what have you. He’s just showing up as the best version of himself, consistently. These two guys are shining examples of just that, and now you get to show up for yourself. Show up do the smallest thing necessary, be consistent and make it a non negotiable, and we’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
