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Can You Rest Your Head On Your Pillow At Night?

Episode #797

Are you struggling in your relationship, unsure of how to navigate the challenges you’re facing?

Do you find yourself caught off guard by issues that seem to escalate gradually over time?

If so, you’re not alone. Join us in this insightful conversation as we delve into the complexities of modern relationships and the importance of taking proactive steps to nurture and strengthen them.

In this episode, you’ll learn about the staggering divorce rates and the need for a structured approach to relationship management.

Through powerful analogies, we explore how seemingly small actions can lead to significant consequences in our relationships. Discover the significance of choosing to take action and seek help when needed, and how doing so can transform your relationship journey.

Gain valuable insights into the importance of addressing challenges head-on and the rewards of investing in the health and longevity of your relationship.

Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.

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Ryan  00:01

Now, if you’re not doing the work, and I have a lot of guys that do that, right? Well, when you do the work, I’ll do the work. She’s like, I’m waiting for you, right? Like, lead me. Now, you may lead her into divorce, and it may go that way, but, man, that’s beautiful, right? What a beautiful gift to give her of. I’m no longer willing to accept this. That can be such a beautiful opportunity for her to step into, man. Maybe there are areas that I can be better, but there’s no way that she’s going to step into that if you’re not stepping at first.

Doug Holt  00:30

Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. I am greeted once again by the man, the myth, the legend, Mr. Ryan Peach. Ryan. Thanks for being here, buddy.

Ryan  00:41

It’s a pleasure, as always.

Doug Holt  00:43

Yeah. So, obviously you’re here for the week, and you and I have been talking offline. One of the subjects we were talking about, which I really like this idea, is, can you rest your head on the pillow softly at night? So let’s talk a little about that.

Ryan  00:57

Yeah. I talk to so many men, it’s probably one of the more common themes with men is, well, how do I know when she’s receiving it? How do I know when I’m doing the right things? How do I know? Well, what if she leaves anyways? Well, what if? And I’m always looking to shift them back. Like, listen, until you get the divorce papers, until she tells you I’m done, and she walks out that front door and does not come back, you have really no idea what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling, what she’s going to do.

And so for me, the shift came in my journey when it was like, man, I’m not going to know. And that’s going to drive me insane to want to know. And if I’m looking for her facial expression or her smile or her saying the right thing or giving me the right affirmation to tell me that I’m on the right path, well, then she’s fully in. Still. All the pressure is still on her.

And so for me, the shift came when I was like, man, Ryan, can you look yourself in the mirror and know that you’re doing the right things? When you go to sleep at night, is it fairly easy to get to sleep? Because, you know, man, today wasn’t a great day for my marriage. We maybe had a fight, an argument. It was a disconnect. But, man, I showed up, I did the work, and then you really begin to embody the work, because then the person that’s making the decision on I’m in this, I’m doing the work. It’s me, it’s not her.

Doug Holt  02:29

Yeah, I think that’s a really good thing. So a couple of things come up to me, man. And since you and I been having this conversation, one is, I think of this idea of laying your head in the pillow, right? And as someone who’s had chronic sleep issues literally my whole life, when you wake up at that two in the morning, if you apply stress and anxiety onto that, you’re not going back to sleep, and everything goes down.

So, for a lot of men, they wake up, and it’s about their wife or their marriage that they’re worried about or concerned about. Is there another man? Does she love me? Am I good enough? What’s going on? Is she crazy? Why am I putting up with this bias? All of these conversations come through, but it also reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my one on one clients, a guy I’m working with, one on one privately for the year. And he was telling me, he’s like, Doug, she’s crazy. She’s just not doing everything all. It was her. Her in this conversation, which we’ve all been down that road.

And so I asked him, and let’s just say his name’s not Jacob, but for his own privacy, we’ll call him Jacob. I was like, okay, Jacob, so just be honest. And, guys, I want you to doing this at home. I want you to literally do what I asked Jacob to do. I said, let’s be totally honest with each other. And more importantly, be totally honest with yourself. On a scale of one to ten. Pardon me, ne being the worst, ten being the best, the classic scale, right? How would you rate yourself? Ten being I have maximized my ability as a husband and as a man. One being I haven’t done shit Where would you rate yourself? And you can’t give yourself a seven. That’s right. Right? Which I love. That little added thing. Everybody’s like, crap. And so he thought about it for a while.

And so, guys, listening to this, I want you to rate yourself if you know what you’re capable of as a husband. That’s a ten. Where would you rate yourself on that scale? How have you been showing up? And he thought about it for a minute, and to Jacob’s credit, he was very honest. He said, Doug, honestly, I’m a six. I would have said seven, but I’m a six. I said, okay. Totally. First of all, thank you for your honesty. That’s the key here, man. And I go, how long have you been a six? He thought about it for a while. He’s like, well, shit He said, I’ve had glimmers of maybe an eight or a nine. Glimmers?

He’s like, but mostly, Doug, I’ve been a four. And a six is kind of, if I’m being really, truly honest, a six, probably one of my high points. And it was with that clarity that he got. This is why I’m so anxious. This is why I’m having problems in my business. This is why I can’t show up to my kids games and be present. Instead, I’m constantly checking his phone. So he happened to use Microsoft Teams for his business. So I’m constantly looking to see what they need. Do they need me? Do they need me? Do they need me? And it really was because he knew he wasn’t checking the boxes and therefore he couldn’t rest his head on the pillow softly at night.

Ryan  05:20

Yes. And I see so many men use their wives as the scapegoat, right? Well, she’s not doing the work. Well, she’s not showing up. Well, I did this thing, and she didn’t give back to me. And you’re exactly right. It’s because there is that internal side of us that knows that we’re not showing up, we’re not doing the work. I literally just hung up with a guy who I was on the phone with for about 45 minutes, and it was just question after question after question, right? About, well, what if this happens? And how do I have this conversation? And what if she says this? And what if she does this? And I put a pause.

I said, listen, I just need you to take a step back for a second. I said, what you’re doing is I want you to imagine that you’re completely out of shape and you want to go to the gym, and you’ve run into this guy that’s in great shape, right? And you’re standing outside the gym and you’re like, oh, man, I’m really excited to go in and get to work. Explain to me how you do a bicep curl. And so he’s like, well, you kind of do it like this. Okay, what if your arm gets tired? He’s like, well, you take a break, kind of shake it out, and you get, okay, well, what about squats? How do you do squats? I’m like, this guy’s going to give you maybe 30 seconds of time and then he’s going to say, get your ass in the gym.

Stop talking to me outside of the gym. Get in the gym, get to work. And so many men, yeah, we’ll read books, we’ll go to a therapy session here and there. We’ll read a book and not really apply it. And we look as like we’ve checked the box and we’ve done the work, when in reality, the work is day in and day out. Right? You don’t get results in the gym by going for a month. No. Right? It’s weeks and months and years of this is my focus, this is my intention. And so, yeah, for the guys listening, it’s like, are you in the gym or aren’t you?

Doug Holt  07:05

Yeah. And it’s really interesting you talk about that. And this is one of the reasons a lot of men, they graduate from our eight week program and they continue on for one of our one year masterminds,  The Brotherhood or the inner circle. And one of the things I love, Ryan, because you’re one of the advisors guys can get on a phone with, for the guys that haven’t listened to you before, is that you’re always giving insights and a lot of those insights let the guy know, hey, are you able to rest your head on the pillow? Right? Have you done everything you can? This is your family and this is the thing you’re fighting for. Have you done those things that you can rest assured now you can apply this to business. Right?

It doesn’t have to be just in the marriage, 100%. It can be in self, the area of self. A lot of guys, unfortunately, we know suicide is the number two cause of death. So guys have dark thoughts. Most men have had dark thoughts sometime in their life. And so what we ask the guys is, hey, look, let’s just use the area of health again, just because it’s an easy area. Have you done all the things? You don’t just throw up your hands and say, you know what, I’m going to be fat for the rest of my life. Bring on the cheeseburgers, nachos and beer. There’s nothing I can do about this. We don’t say that because we know we can always turn the tide. Now, we may choose not to, but we know we can.

And so we look at the area across the five territories that we teach at the initial stage of the powerful man, which are self-health, wealth, relationships and business. If you can rate yourself, guys, on all of these stages, where are you? And this is how I start most of my coaching sessions with guys like, hey, let’s rate yourself. Wow! Why are you a four here and an eight over here? Now, which one’s more important to you?

And nine times out of ten, if not ten times out of ten, almost. I can only think of one exception. Men will say they’re relationships, right? I’ve had one guy tell me it was his business and he was honest, and I appreciated that. Guess what? We worked on his business. That’s right. We do that a lot. So when we look at this whole concept of, can you rest your head softly on the pillow? Have you done everything you can? Have you joined a methodology or a program like The Activation Method? It doesn’t have to be that. You and I happen to think it’s the best. We’re involved in it, clearly, but maybe it’s something else. Have you checked all those boxes going down?

Ryan  09:12

Yes. And one of the first things that I will tell men when I get on the call is like, we’re going to have a very honest conversation today. You may not like everything that I have to say, but I promise you I’m going to be honest. And if I don’t think that this is the right place for you, I’m going to tell you that. And I’m also going to tell you you better go 1000 miles an hour in that direction. Right? Because this isn’t about. You’re not the right fit here, so don’t go do anything. It is. Again, speaking about relationships, worst possible scenario is, yeah, she might leave you anyways, you might do all the right things, and she choose not to accept you. And that sucks, and that’s hard.

But conversation I just had. Would you rather be the guy that puts his head in the sand, doesn’t do anything, asks a million questions, but never engages? Or do you want to be the guy? That, man, I was on the battlefield, I died with my sword in my hand, right? I gave him my all. And now, going into my next relationship or next season of life, I’ve got these tools that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I’m no longer on the couch. Right? I’m in the gym. I didn’t win the competition, but I’m in the gym. I would much rather be that guy. And that’s what allows me to sleep good at night, is, man, I’m in it. I’m in the battle. I’m trying to fight. I may not win every day, but I’m in the battle.

Doug Holt  10:41

Yeah. Which is key. So I think the first step, guys, here is diagnostics, right? Get truth around it rate yourself in the five territories. More specifically, if there’s one of those five territories, again, for those playing at home, it’s self-health, wealth, relationships and business. Where are you in each of those scale? One to ten. Can’t use seven, one to ten and then pick the one you want to focus on. What’s the one that’s most important to you now, conversely, to the client I previously was talking about, I have another guy I’m working with, and he has checked all the boxes, right?

So I did the same thing with him, and he’s like, Doug, I’m a ten. I was like, come on, where are you? Really? I’m a ten. I’m showing up. I’ve showed up solidly for 30 days. It’s usually what I ask the guys, 30 days. 30 days is a long time. It doesn’t sound like it, but it is a long time, especially if your relationship is adversarial, if there’s infidelity, all kinds of things, or business wise. And he’s like, I’ve done that. And the conclusion I’ve come to is, I’ve checked the boxes, she hasn’t. It’s time for me to leave.

Ryan  11:43

That’s right.

Doug Holt  11:44

And as tough a decision as it was for him, he could lay his head on the pillow, knowing at the end of the day, he’s done everything he could to salvage things, and it just wasn’t going to work out. And I think for me, when I talked to him, Ryan, the difference is it’s not what he wanted initially. However, he’s done the work. He went in, he did the courses, he put in the work. He talked to his coach, his coaches agreed. Right?

And I was talking to him like, yeah, I agree. You’ve not only checked the boxes once, but you’ve checked them all six times more than I would have ever checked those boxes. So you can certainly rest your head softly knowing that that’s the route you want to go or ended up, or ending up going.

Ryan  12:25

Yeah. And that’s such a perfect example of what true leadership is in this world of alpha and masculine and all this. That’s just simple, grounded masculinity in I love you, I value you, and I’m no longer willing to accept this from a place of, I truly believe I’ve done everything I could. It’s not a cop out. I’m not being lazy. I have owned my side of the street, and I’ve done the work that can be such a beautiful call forward for her right now. If you’re not doing the work. And I have a lot of guys that do that. Right?

Well, when you do the work, I’ll do the work. Right? She’s like, I’m waiting for you. Right? Like, lead me now, you may lead her into divorce, and it may go that way, but, man, that’s beautiful. What a beautiful gift to give her of. I’m no longer willing to accept this. That can be such a beautiful opportunity for her to step into, man. Maybe there are areas that I can be better, but there’s no way that she’s going to step into that if you’re not stepping up first.

Doug Holt  13:33

Yeah. I love this conversation because we spend so much time talking about saving the marriage, which doesn’t always happen. Right? We have an amazing success rate, but it doesn’t always happen. I think it’s 95% of our guys say they got what they came for. We do anonymous survey for those. Don’t know anybody that goes through our programs. I don’t remember the exact stat. Could be 94, 95, 96, somewhere in that ballpark. But it’s in that area. It’s right there that go through it. And sometimes it’s just not salvageable. Either the man chooses not to or the woman does.

But one thing you’re doing, you talk about leadership, is they can turn to their kids, and their kids are watching and say, you know what? I did everything I tried. And dad’s got boundaries. Dad’s got things that dad needs to do. And I love your mom so much that I need to push her in this direction so that she gets the help she needs. Previous conversation I did with podcast, previous to this, Ryan was with Josh and Mo.

Ryan  14:31

Oh, yeah.

Doug Holt  14:32

And it was about pornography addiction. And one of the topics came up was about addiction in general and how oftentimes an addict won’t get help until they’ve hit rock bottom. And it’s the same thing in a marriage. Sometimes somebody needs a wakeup call, and oftentimes, statistically, the man gets it.

Ryan  14:51


Doug Holt  14:52

Right? The man gets the wakeup call because she’s served the divorce papers, what have you, but sometimes it goes the other way around, and that other person needs the wakeup call. But the key to this conversation, guys, is you need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt for yourself. This is just for your own mental clarity and sanity that you did everything possible.

And the guy that I was talking to had a conversation, Ryan, with his wife or ex-wife, soon to be ex wife. And what he said is, look, we’re ending this. He’s moving on. She agreed. And he said, look, I want you to know I’ll always be here for you, but the reality is, you are no longer my wife. You are just the woman I drop my kids off with once a week. And that was a big turning point for him psychologically and for her. And pivoted. Now, does he love her? Yes. Will he be there for her? Yes. Will he show up the same way? Absolutely not.

Ryan  15:42

That’s right.

Doug Holt  15:43

He just won’t put up with the bias that he was putting up with before.

Ryan  15:45

Yeah, that’s exactly right. And again, that is that ability to rest right at the end of the day, because sometimes you are in a situation where no matter how grounded I am, the work that I’ve done, there’s this thing outside of me that continues to disrupt my piece, and it is a beautiful thing to be able to say no more. Right? We always talk about, you got to have a strong no. You got to have a strong no. And if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no. Right?

And being in a position where you know that it’s not a cop out, you know that you’re not giving up because you weren’t in the fight to begin with, at least for me and for the guys that we work with, they all say the same thing, right? They can go through The Activation Method and save their marriage or not, but at the end, they’re, like, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, because now I know who I am. Right?

I know my boundaries. I know what I’m worth, what I’m willing to accept and not accept. And it gives them such a beautiful foundation on which to build a life that they actually want to live, rather than constantly battling the monsters behind them and beside them, they’re just going forwards.

Doug Holt  16:57

Yeah. And right before we had this conversation, Ryan in the building next to us, one of our mutual friends was there who also separated from his partner, and he was talking about, hey, look, the difference is, I’ve taken what I’ve learned into this next relationship, and I’ve never been treated the way I’ve been treated by her. I’ve never been honored by this woman, respected by a woman as much, because he is now taking the skills he’s learned, allowing this woman to be seen, heard, desired. There’s no baggage. There’s no old stories. And the woman he’s with now is emotionally mature enough because his stock has risen.

Ryan  17:35

That’s right.

Doug Holt  17:36

And so all of a sudden, a woman. That was what I think he would describe as previously unattainable. Yes. Is now she’s looking up to him as a catch.

Ryan  17:45

Yes. And that’s, again the gym analogy. Right? Is, man. Yeah. The first time I walked in the gym, I was the smallest guy in the gym. Right? And I couldn’t keep up with those guys. Now I do crossfit, and I’m like, I’m going to be one of the best every time I’m in here, right. Because I’ve earned it. I’ve stayed in, I’ve done the work. I’ve hurt, I’ve bled, I’ve sweat, I’ve done all those things, been there when I didn’t want to be there, all of those things. And now when I started, I looked up to those guys. Now when I walk in, I think I’m going to try and beat you today. Right?

And what men get to experience is one of the first conversations I ever had with Tim Matthews. Right? Tim has this beautiful way you do, too, of just seeing to the heart of what really is happening for the guy in that moment. And Tim asked me, he’s like, where do you think you are and what you could be accomplishing and what you are accomplishing? And I was like, I don’t know, maybe 30%. And Tim goes, I think you’re maybe at 10. And it was just. It felt so true, right, of like, I think you’re right. I’ve just been playing so small, right? And I live in anxiety. I live in fear. I live in. What’s she doing? What’s he doing? I got to please this person. I got to make sure I do this. I got to be there for them. I got to do this. And it was just. And there was nothing left for me.

And through this work, I’ve learned that I can be there for so many more people in such a better way because I’m there for myself first. And that’s one of the best things that you get to learn here in this work, is by taking care of yourself. Right? Having your boundaries, having your routines, getting your vision in line and your goals in line, and your daily habits in line. Then, man, I can handle so much more. My capacity to understand, to be strong, to be wise, to make calm, clear decisions. I have a capacity that I didn’t know I had before. Yeah. You weren’t in the gym.

Doug Holt  19:58


Ryan  19:59

You weren’t doing the work. Now you are.

Doug Holt  20:00

Yeah. And so to use that crossfit analogy in you, when it comes to health, we talk so much about relationships, so I want to switch gears. You get to, quote, lay your head at rest, knowing you left everything in the gym floor.

Ryan  20:13


Doug Holt  20:14

There wasn’t a rep. You could box jump, you could do muscle up or whatever else that you could have done that day. And I think we need to apply that to everything in life, business, in the arena that you’re in, did you leave all the sweat and blood and tears in the arena so before you walked out, you could be present in the next arena, which could be your home?

Ryan  20:32

That’s right. 100% right. How you do one thing is how you do all things.

Doug Holt  20:35

Absolutely right.

Ryan  20:36

I guarantee you guys, if you’re playing small in your job somewhere, you’re playing small at home. Right? If you’re playing small at home, I guarantee you somewhere in the gym or in your health, right? Maybe you have this desire to go to the gym five days a week, and you go three now, you’re in good shape, but you know you want more, right? This week, I’ve had the privilege to come in and work with my team and get to meet a lot of them in person, which is just so cool. The world we live in, never meeting some of these people in person, and now finally getting to do that. And our push this week has been that last 15%. Right? So many of us are great at the first 85. Right? But that last 15, that’s where the good stuff is.

Doug Holt  21:22

Yeah, 100%.

Ryan  21:24

And being able to be in a place again within The Activation Method and within our community of men, being in a place where you are just surrounded by a guy that says, no. One more rep, now go back and have one more conversation. Right? Good example. We have alpha resets, right, where you get to go and be on site with coaches and go through this beautiful event. And that’s all I can say about. It’s like Fight club, and one of the most powerful experiences I’ve ever had was on before it even started. Right?

Guy shows up, and he’s just telling us and telling us and telling us about this conversation that he should be having and should be having and he should be having. And Doug just very — Doug goes, well, do you have your phone? Why don’t you call him now all the. Oh, cool. So, is that how you want to play in your life? Do you do this with your wife? Is this how you show up for others? So you can choose to be the guy that just has all the stories about why you’re not having the conversation, or you can be the guy that has the conversation, but you can’t be both right.

Guy picks up the phone, goes, has the conversation, comes back. Oh, it was such a great conversation. He was so glad we had it. Yeah. Right? And so your network is your net worth, but, yeah, your network is your life. Those are the people that are going to push you and challenge you to be better, that help you hit that extra 15% to lay again. Difficult situations that I’ve been in. Right? You guys have been there to help me see clearly the difficult conversations to have where I still needed to own some things because I’m not sleeping, I’m feeling anxious. Well, have you done this? No. Done that? No. Go do those things and let me know how you’re doing. Oh, I slept like a baby.

Doug Holt  23:20

Yeah. There you go. You know, thank you for the compliment. I actually spent time with that guy in Argentina. He brought up that, you know, the coaches, we’re human. Like, we screw up all the time. I always joke I’ve been so successful in business and coaching because I’ve made all the mistakes more than anybody else has, and hopefully I learn from them over time, and we do this.

So when I can’t sleep at night, I’m like, okay, did I leave everything? No. Shoot. And that’s the things that run through my mind. And what happens, I believe, Ryan, for most men, is they can’t rest their head on the pillow softly because they’ve been so used to playing small, that small is their norm, and they don’t even realize it. So the men that get on a phone with our advisors, you being one of our top advisors, they can’t see the fact that they’ve become obese in their relationship.

Ryan  24:10

That’s right.

Doug Holt  24:11

Right. They just don’t know it. And when you don’t know that until you walk by the mirror one day and you’re like, holy cow, what happened? But that’s happened in their marriage. And now we know divorce rates, 70% initiated by the woman, 90% if she’s got a college degree or higher. Obviously, that doesn’t always happen that way, but those stats are real. You can Google them.

And men, just for some reason, the relationship, because you can’t see it in the mirror as clearly as you can see yourself getting fat or as clearly as you can see your bank account going down, your business not working. Guys get caught off guard, and they need a methodology, a proven methodology to walk them step by step, like so many people know, Dave Ramsay’s financial peace. Right? A lot of people been through that, at least heard it. It’s baby steps. We teach men the baby steps of marriage, 100% out of how to have a connected relationship.

Ryan  25:02

Yeah. And I think that I love the idea of obesity. I again talk to guys on the phone all the time. How do you get overweight one pound at a time? If you woke up tomorrow and you were 100 pounds overweight, it would be shocking, right? And you would immediately go to the doctors and you would get to work and all that. But because it’s one choice at a time for days, weeks, months, years at a time, it just happens. And you accept this new, unhealthier version every day. Every day, we do the same in our marriage. But you’re exactly right. With health, we know what to do.

Now, we may choose not to do it, but for most of us, we know where the gyms are. We relatively know what to do with the relationships with men. So many times I talk to them, their heart’s in the right place, they’re putting in effort, and it’s just getting worse. And I’m like, yeah, you’re a train going down the track in the wrong direction, and you’re throwing coal on the fire, making the engine go, but you’re just going faster in the wrong direction. It’s because you don’t know what you don’t know. Relationships are tricky, and we were never taught how to do them. And so here it becomes this blueprint. Right?

So many guys will say, it was so easy. That’s all I had to do. Yeah, that was it. Well, this was so simple. I should have done this years ago. Yeah, but you were never taught. And so being in a place again, it may not be here, and that’s fine. But find a system, a methodology of this is step one. This is step two. You can’t go to step two until you do step one. Right?

All the guys want to know how to fix the relationship. That’s step two. Stop trying to fix the relationship. We’re going to fix you first. Right? And being able to walk down the path of this is how you get healthy. This is what a healthy relationship looks like. Then they can take that effort and that desire and put it into the system to get to the train going the right way.

Doug Holt  26:53

I love that analogy. That’s great. Yeah. I think guys that are listening to this really need to take stock and realize why they’re not sleeping is because they’re making excuses rather than take taking action. At the end of these podcasts, I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And the reason being is I’m speaking to my former self, and I want, like, hey, man, if you figured out that you need to go to the gym, you need to work on your business, whatever that season is for you in those five territories, take massive action and start doing it now.

Don’t wait till tomorrow. Don’t wait till someday. Don’t wait till the timing is never perfect, right? You and I were talking. I have two young kids, man. Geez Louise called my daughter shadow, and she even introduces herself as shadow. The joke is, she follows me around everywhere, literally. I’m going to the bathroom. She’s right next to me. She’s at my hip. And so we need to realize that the season is never the right season. It’s never the right time. It’s never the right budget. It’s never the right opportunity. But you have to seize that moment of insight immediately.

So, guys, if you’re getting anything from this, anything from Ryan sharing with his moments of wisdom here is you got to take action. You get on a call with Ryan or one of the other advisors immediately and just get some insights into where you are now. If you’re a ten out of ten in all areas, you’re amazing. You’re the exception to the rule. I’d love to know how you did it, because I’m not. Yeah, call me again, because I want to know how you got there.

But we’re all evolving. We’re all moving, and the difference is, I think, for men who are courageous or men who go, hey, look, here’s the data. The reality is, I’m not doing well in this area, so I’m going to get help. I’m going to find somebody. My background is in health and fitness, and recently, I gained 20 pounds. And I looked down in the mirror like, holy cow, what happened? And so I was in Argentina, and I got a phone call with one of the guys that’s been through our program, John.

And I said, hey, man, I got a background, health, but I’m not doing it. I’m not getting the results I want. I go, when can we meet? And he’s like, for you, meet soon as you get back. And so it’s the idea. It’s embarrassing to talk about, but the truth is, it’s more embarrassing not to take action. It’s much more embarrassing to live in that situation and not take action for it.

Ryan  29:02

Choose your heart. Yeah, right. It is hard to have those conversations, when men are on the phone with me, I always acknowledge this is really hard. This is probably the hardest conversation that you’ve had in a while. You’re going to might feel embarrassment, you might feel shame, but it is more shameful. It is more embarrassing to go one more day now knowing that there’s a solution right now knowing that there is an answer and choosing not to do it, that is equally as embarrassing. So just choose your hard.

Doug Holt  29:32

Absolutely choose your hard. It’s all hard.

Ryan  29:34

It’s all hard.

Doug Holt  29:35

Which hard you’re going to choose, man.

Ryan  29:37

That’s right.

Doug Holt  29:38

I love it, baby. Awesome, Ryan. Ryan, thanks so much for being here, man. You always drop massive insights and thank you for all the men. I mean, you talked to literally hundreds of men who are struggling, struggling their relationships, struggling. They’re stuck and they’re not sure where to go next. Whether it be The Activation Method for self-activation method for relationships. The other programs we offer you are always there and guys should know you’ve been through the program. So you’re eating the cooking, right? You’ve eaten it, you know how to make it, and you do it consistently. So thank you for showing up for who you are and being the man that you are.

Ryan  30:07

Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. I love the work that I get to do, and I love that. You guys put this into motion for me all those years ago and hung in on those bad days.

Doug Holt  30:19

We all have them, buddy.

Ryan  30:20

Yeah, man.

Doug Holt  30:21

You’re always there for us, too. Gentlemen, as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. And if you’re interested in just getting on a phone call, if you’re a business owner or an executive and you want to talk and just get an insight, right, no commitment necessary, go over to thepowerfulman.com/applynow. Now, if that’s too difficult for you, you can just email vip@thepowerfulman.com. If you want to speak to Ryan directly, just say, hey, I want to speak to Ryan. He said, really connected.

Because if you’re not sleeping or laying your head on that pillow, knowing, I mean a core, knowing that you’ve done everything possible, then it’s time for you to take action. We’ll see you next time on the TPM show.

All right, guys, that’s a wrap for this episode. But as I always say in the moment of insight, take massive action. You see, there are two types of men that listen to a podcast like this, those that go on from one podcast or show to another just hoping things are going to change and realizing that they’re going to be in the same place month after month, year after year.

You see, I was this guy so I completely get it. You may just not be ready. But there’s also a second man, a second man that listens to a show just like this. And this is a guy who takes massive action so they can shorten the learning curve, compress time, and get RESULTS to be the WOLF. See, WOLF is an acronym for Wise, Open, Loving, and Fierce.

Now ask yourself, which one am I? And just be honest with yourself there. And there’s no judgment on my end. But if you’re ready to move from deactivated DEER mode, which is Defend, Excuse, Explain, and React to activated WOLF, Wise, Open, Loving and Fierce, then go over to thepowerfulman.com/grow. And go there now. In fact, I’ll make it super easy for you. I will even put the link right in the description here so you can just click it and go over there now to learn more. Guys, in the moment of insight, take massive action. Go from deactivated to activated, because like I said, life is too short for average and I’ll see you on the next episode!