Ben Wood’s Journey

Episode #355

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Episode Transcript

Ben Wood  0:00  

How do I be happy in life and just felt like I was very lost and sort of didn’t have purpose in many areas, and this was the process of leading up to was an amazing sort of like pushing myself in many ways. Achieved so many things in a short space of time, which was incredible, but then at the end, with yourself and turned it off, it’s kind of like a lightbulb moment for myself? Whereas what I got at the end of it was not what I was anticipating or thought I was looking for.

Doug Holt  0:28  

Hey, everyone. I’m so excited to be here with Ben Wood. Ben, thanks so much for joining us. 

Ben Wood  0:38  

My pleasure Doug. Thank you for having me here.

Doug Holt  0:41  

Yeah, so Ben, you and I are two completely different time zones, as we were kind of joking before we hit record. But that’s not a difference; I was very fortunate to be with you during your alpha reset and see kind of a transformation appear before my eyes. But before we get into that, Ben, what I want to do if we can, is just let the guys know, watching this, and some of the wives probably kind of a little bit about who you are, well, it’s not separate with who you are today. But where were you previously, when you found The Powerful Man?

Ben Wood  1:18  

Well, suppose my sort of story sort of started, sort of 2017, sort of 2016. So I had like a lot of sort of personal sort of challenges in my life, sort of from taking on like a new business and sort of all the stresses that sort of come with that it sort of went from sort of like your standard, our standard life to running a business, which is just all-encompassing, it takes overtakes over your life. So I was dealing with that and then, on top of that, had extra few things thrown away. So I’d like my firstborn to be born just before I started sort of my business and then where my second was born, he was born with a sort of multiple complications. So sort of puts a massive strain on myself and my sort of family. This was in that hospital multiple times. So dealing with the stress of business, the stress of ill health, my son, I had other things going wrong at the time, which I had a chronic sort of problem with my shoulder, which was making work difficult. I’m a tennis coach. So I sort of needed my body to work, and it was going on for like sort of a couple of years, not being able to solve what was going on, sort of in pain daily and sort of on top of that with a few other things, as well as sort of it taking its toll. 

So from for myself, how I dealt with it, which I think a lot of guys do is you have a drink in the evening, you shut down, and it was going on and on, and it got to a point where I was like I’ve got a problem with this since I went to the doctors reached out for it to get some help went to see AI essentially and what they turned around said was like,  Ben, we don’t think you have a drinking problem was like was fucking great news. So don’t have a drinking problem and then next sense, they said, Ben, you’re having a mental breakdown, sort of, and that like, he sort of hits you like a ton of bricks, like you just, it’s you’re sort of in a challenge, challenging spot. Still, you said, We don’t really appreciate and like you’re, you’re essentially the drink, which I didn’t realize that the time was self-medication it was, it was switched off, can’t deal with the problems with the business with my injury with my child being sick, sort of wife at the time wasn’t sorting of dealing with it as well and essentially, I wasn’t showing up in any shape or form in different areas of my life, sadly due to that sort of the marriage did coming to a finish. So it would have been at the beginning of 2019, and I mean, what sort of things I learn a lot of stuff in this sort of process like how to stand up and make yourself shown. But what I realized I wasn’t doing at the time, sort of one of the things is learning about this sort of responsibility. I didn’t take responsibility into many areas and then sort of obviously, sadly, with divorce, and then I did sort of I took responsibility for myself, I was getting back on track with things business was going well and then sorted of its sort of regress them back end of two, all sorts of 2000 sort of like 18 sorts of found myself sort of going backward again, sort of start drinking a little bit too much again, and I sort of thought Sort of point, I was like, I take responsibility for myself, like I, I didn’t take control of the situation at the time, partly sort of, again, my responsibility, I knew what I wanted to do. 

But I didn’t have the authority and sort of relationship to say, and I’m doing this for me because I want to get better. After all, I can then give more, and it causes conflict. I’ve seen selfish people wanting to do things for themselves, even if that was the right thing to do. But I didn’t push it through, which then led to me sort of not showing up in different ways. But so when I started regressing a little bit, back in 2018, I came across as a powerful man, all sort of Facebook advert. At the moment, my life where I was, I’m going to take sort of action and get a call, spoke to sort of Tim Matthews and sort of related to my sort of situation then sort of got on the goal journey from that point there.

Doug Holt  6:02  

Yeah, it will mean your story is so relatable. I mean, it’s relatable to me as well; when you start a business, you have coaches working for you, and I know you well enough. You’re very humble because I know you also have another bunch of other irons in the fire. It seems like many times, getting things going with your software and everything else, you add not one child, but two kids and one with some health condition. I mean, that’s enough to put any guy over any guy that has a father knows that as soon as you have a new business and a child. It’s like having four jobs in one, and it’s a lot of stress that can be thrown on there. Right?

Ben Wood  6:43  

It was full-on I did, I did sort of try some Well, after basic being told I was having a mental breakdown, did speak to a counselor and sort of started the process there sort of originally, and he said, like, you’re just you’re wired completely, you wake up, you’re on all day, and then you go to sleep. You repeat you don’t have any downtime for yourself, and you’re just not looking after yourself in any shape or form.

Doug Holt  7:09  

Yeah, I mean, that’s why many of us guys, and I’ve been there too, and it’s pretty much traditional. You see it in movies, guys, you come home from work, and what do you do? You have a beer, you pour a cocktail, and it’s your way of turning off. Right, and we, as you’re aware, we’ve done the 30-day alcohol reboot for a lot of the guys that are in The Brotherhood that chose to go into that. That’s a common theme for a lot of men.

Ben Wood  7:35  

No, it helps to show control over yourself and sort of a more important sort of understanding your relationship with alcohol. Where’s it show up? How’s it serving you? If it does serve you at all?

Doug Holt  7:46  

Yeah, absolutely. Well, again, as I said earlier, I had the benefit of being with you at your alpha reset, and that was a lot of fun. For me anyway, it was a lot of fun, and it was a good time. Let’s talk about your journey. So you found The Powerful Man, and you went through the version of The Activation Method. We had a tie at the time, and then you went to The Alpha Reset. How did that change you and your perspective, or did it?

Ben Wood  8:14  

Massively, huge, like, I sort of kind of sort of went in, like, it just wants to, for myself, it’s sort of like sort of how, how do I be happy, like, just felt like very lost and sort of didn’t have a purpose in a sort of many areas and, and the sort of process of leading up to it was, was it was amazing, sort of, like push myself in many ways and achieved so many things in a short space of time, which was, was incredible, but then the weekends, at the end with yourself and sort of Tim and Arthur it’s kind of like a lightbulb moment for myself. Whereas what I got at the end of it was not what I was anticipating or thought that I was looking for. I said that I sort of thought about the magic formula to make yourself happy. But like, fundamentally, it was, it was for myself, it’s just learning to be at peace with myself and just finding that sort of clarity is essentially like the sort of the foundation that you need for life sort of build upon, I guess I was trying to look for that the top point of the triangle, but I didn’t have the foundations in place to allow me to move up and sort of go through. So it just cleared a lot of underlying sort of anxieties or sort of frustrations that might have been there and just, it just gave me an understanding for me to sort of build upon which I was very grateful for to have that breakthrough with you guys.

Doug Holt  9:48  

Yeah, I mean, that’s so evident. We see it a lot of us guys; we’re high achievers, right. We’re always going for whether it be in sport or business or both, and we’re going for that Apex at the top. We don’t have a solid foundation, and this foundation is shaky. We don’t realize we don’t have it, though, right? You know something’s missing, but you don’t know what it is. You keep trying to climb, and at times, it can feel like you’re trying to climb a mountain that’s built on quicksand. You say, Okay, I’ll scramble more, I’ll work harder, I’ll get up earlier, all of these things that you hear, and you keep working at it, without being able to get to the happiness or that Apex is coming through. I think that’s a really important thing that many guys intuitively know but don’t know what the answer is for going through it.

Ben Wood  10:34  

Yeah, there’s that sort of sense of you knew you wanted something. But he couldn’t, he didn’t have the expertise, all you’ve got is your own life experience, the experience of it sort of grew up and unlike sort of friends around you, but no one has been taught or guided, or mentors and pushed in different ways to sort of break down barriers and sort of, really, truly sort of understand. I suppose from my own sort of perspective, and I’ve always sort of been quite humble and spective. Like, if I don’t know, I’m happy to ask others for help, and while I know, others will put up more of a facade to sort of I know and sort of hold themselves up to don’t let this sort of ego get in the way. Whereas I’ve always sort of had the perspective if, if I don’t know, I’ll ask, I’ll go out, I’ll find help. Because I know that it might look vulnerable now, it will accelerate the future in terms of giving me the foundations or improvements, whichever little steps I need to get better. It’s a long game, not a short game.

Doug Holt  11:50  

Hey, sorry to interrupt the show. I wanted to ask you a question. Do you ever feel like something’s just missing, like, there’s something more out there, and you just can’t put your finger on it. I get it. Go over right now to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus to discover the system that other businessmen just like you are using. We’ve included 10 case studies, ten men, just like you, who have found the solution and found their way on their path. But we want to share that with you; go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Bonus right away. Now, let’s get back to the show. But it’s smart. It’s one of the reasons. You’re a great businessman, great father, and a great athlete, as well, which is fantastic. Let’s talk to the guys a little bit about where you are today, and you’ve shared a little bit about the decrease in anxiety and the more clarity. What would you say to a guy that’s looking at this be saying, hey, yeah, this sounds interesting. But I don’t know the two things that most of us guys say. One is, I’m not sure about this. I don’t know if I have enough time yet. Or it’s not the right time, and I don’t have enough time in my schedule to commit to myself, 

Ben Wood  13:10  

What’s my sort of, firstly, sort of understanding that, like, putting in investing into yourself with time or sort of money is the best investment you can make sort of hands down, many people sort of neglect themselves by pursuing other things. So for myself, like obviously, I did sort of dive sort of headfirst in sort of business as sort of a way of rewarding myself for trying to get sort of gratitude for myself to sort of feel like I’m, I’m achieving. But by going through this sort of process and investing in yourself, it pays back in dividends, it pays back in business anyway, which is a lot of what a lot of guys want to get from. Still, there’s a lot more to life than just business. There’s everything that comes around it. If you if you’re filling your cups in every area, you sort of you just got so much more to give once yourself to give to everyone else as well, which is the most important thing because if you can give to others, you gain from it yourself as well as he just naturally feel better by helping people.

Doug Holt  14:17  

It’s so true, right? You feel it. We know it intuitively, right? You fill your cup up first, and then you’re able to show up in a much greater way. It’s just we’re told, as you said earlier, if you do it, you’re selfish, or we hear that from people, which is ironic because whenever someone tells you, hey, Ben, you’re selfish. What they’re saying is, hey, Ben, you’re not putting my needs ahead of yours.

Ben Wood  14:39  

Yes, which is just very true, but it’s, the more, the more you show up with consistencies in a better form, they’ll they realize that it’s with them in mind as well, like, a relationship works best when you sort of you don’t do things for yourself, you do it for them and, like obviously, you need your Your own time to give them the best of you. If you’re only showing up like half yourself, you’re not, they’re not going to get the best of you, they’re not going to enjoy that, and fundamentally, they might not want to be with you if they are only half yourself or even less than that. I mean, I know from myself, when my marriage broke down it was probably only 10% that I was, I’d like nothing to get nothing to give myself nothing to give to my family. It’s tough, and I think many people end up that way, but it understands that it doesn’t have to be that way.

Doug Holt  15:34  

Yeah, well, it’s very true. Very true, and I love the idea of the 10%. I certainly felt that way too, when I was on my journey. So, where would you say you were at 10%? Then I know the guys watching this won’t know. But you were in a fitness challenge walking around with a six-pack now, which kills me. Coming after you, we do many challenges in The Brotherhood and other things like that that are fun. Where would you say you are now 10%? Where would you say you are now?

Ben Wood  16:07  

I mean, I always judge myself how I sleep, I always feel that I can give more. But fundamentally sort of at sort of 90% and sort of happy with where things are at, which again comes back to being sort of at peace with yourself with things. I suppose it’s that sort of high, high achiever sort of mentality like you can always reflect and go. I could have given a little more, and I could have done a little more there. But I suppose I sort of maybe asked myself, like the 80 8090, because I’m trying to make sure I’m spread a lot more evenly in different areas. So yes, if I plowed myself completely into one area, that could be better, but I do it neglecting another. So it’s sort of, you’re a lot more, I suppose if you had like a wheel sort of diagram showing where you are, it’s a lot more consistent, rather than just really killing one area, but neglecting everywhere else.

Doug Holt  17:09  

Yeah, well, I mean, going from 10% to 80 to 90% come on, not a bad deal there at all and you’re always, and that’s the thing is as high achievers, we’re always once we climb that Apex of that mountain, we see another mountain peak, we’re like, Okay, I’m not there yet. Let’s go, and we identify that gap, which is always interesting.

Ben Wood  17:30  

you’re always thinking you’re always striving for a different area to improve him. I said, like, when as soon as you’ve scaled sort of one point you’re looking at, it’s like, well, I know I can do this, I can kick on again, or you find a different challenge that you can push yourself into and developing in sort of find that little, I suppose you said, I speak into like another friend, he sort of said, like, it’s almost like you’re gone, entrepreneurs sort of mindset is like you don’t approach things in the standard nine to five-way you look at opportunities, you look at how to develop them, you cross over, like the big sort of spectrums of like different things, but then at the same time, you’re then like, you understand how to get down to the detail to make it work as well. Whereas other people might not have the spectrum to look at that. But then, I guess as he described it, as well, it’s a gift and a curse. It means that it’s harder for us guys to switch off. Because our brains are constantly churning out different solutions, different problems, whereas other people may be able to switch off a little bit easier. Whereas possibly, like entrepreneurs, find it difficult to step back. But I guess that’s where the balance is coming in for me now about when to be on it when I step back. As I just said it to my friend who was talking to sort of like where many businessmen will put all of that into their business, and if they’re not, they feel in their neglect, or they’re not stepping up to the plate. Whereas it’s now like you could put that into health, you could put that into areas for yourself, and you can put that in sort of your relationships making it from like, good to good to greatest. Whatever you choose to do, it’s not like you’re neglecting something. You’re Striving, but it’s then rationalizing it as sort of a trick that you need for yourself to want to love, but it’s okay to do it in other areas of your life which sometimes you find easy to leave back and neglect.

Doug Holt  19:38  

Yeah, I mean, many guys especially ask guys, and I was this you sold this dream. That’s a business guy, right? Hey, if you go out there, you grind your hustle, you make your business successful. You provide for your family, and everything’s going to work out. Everything’s going to be great, right? And there’s no. Well, you and I know I think the guys watching this also know it’s a myth, but they don’t know there’s an alternative, and that’s the difference, right? While they’re watching this, they probably are seeking the alternative so that they at least know. But we see this time and time again, right? And then they look around, and kind of the thing we talked about in The Powerful Man is their wife turns into a roommate with a ring, right? They don’t know and have a bad roommate, right? Not the fun, cool roommate. But it’s the bad roommate, and they get distance from their kids, right? They stop relating to their kids, always thinking,  what, in a couple of years, when I’ve made a little bit more money, I’ll sack it away, then I’ll play ball with Johnny or Susie or whatever it may be, and you can’t get those years back.

Ben Wood  20:44  

I mean, I made that mistake with it with my relationship was like, I just put it into the category of When this happens, it will get better when this happened. So all I did for myself, to sort of deal with it. It was crap now, but when a few sorts of things happen, then it’ll get easier. But it’s life, and life’s happening. Now. It’s not, and it’s not happening in sort of two years. It’s not for other people to endure pain just because you deem it sort of. It’s a necessary sort of factor. It doesn’t have to be a necessary factor.

Doug Holt  21:21  

No, that’s very true. Very true. Well, then you’ve been awesome with your time. I appreciate it. I know I can talk to you for hours, going back and forth, and I want to thank you for allowing me to be a small part of your journey and just witnessing your growth and continuing every and all you contribute to the movement and other men in The Brotherhood. It’s fantastic. So thank you.

Ben Wood  21:42  

No absolute pleasure talking. Thank you again to you and all the coaches, you do a fantastic job, and anyone would be lucky to be part of this journey.

Doug Holt  21:50  

Thanks again. 

Ben Wood  21:52  

Thank you very much.