You’re Trying Too Hard. This Is Why You’re Being Rejected

Get a deeper dive on this topic in this podcast episode.

Do you feel like you’re constantly trying too hard in your relationship, only to be met with rejection? It’s a common cycle that many couples fall into, but it doesn’t have to be that way. In this article, we talk about strategies for building emotional intimacy and breaking the cycle of rejection.

Understanding the Cycle of Rejection

The cycle of rejection is a self-perpetuating pattern that often starts with one partner feeling rejected or hurt by the other. This can lead to a cascade of negative emotions and behaviors, such as withdrawal, criticism, and blame. The rejected partner may become defensive or try harder to please their partner, but their efforts are often met with more rejection, perpetuating the cycle.

Breaking the Cycle of Rejection

To break the cycle of rejection, it’s important to understand that both partners play a role in perpetuating it. It’s not just about one partner being rejected or the other partner rejecting them. It’s a dynamic that both partners are contributing to, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Here are some strategies to help break the cycle:

  1. Practice Self-Awareness

The first step to breaking the cycle of rejection is to practice self-awareness. Be mindful of your own emotions and behaviors, and how they may be contributing to the cycle. Are you withdrawing, criticizing, or blaming your partner? Are you trying too hard to please them? Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings, and work to address them.

  1. Communicate Effectively

Effective communication is key to building emotional intimacy and breaking the cycle of rejection. Learn to listen actively and empathetically to your partner’s needs and feelings, and express your own needs and feelings in a non-judgmental way. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, and avoid blame and criticism.

  1. Build Emotional Intimacy

Building emotional intimacy with your partner is crucial to breaking the cycle of rejection. Emotional intimacy involves being vulnerable and authentic with your partner, and feeling safe to express your thoughts and feelings. This can be fostered through activities such as sharing your goals and aspirations, practicing gratitude, and engaging in meaningful conversations.

  1. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is also an important aspect of breaking the cycle of rejection. Practice self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with friends. This can help you feel more confident and fulfilled, which can in turn improve your relationship.


The cycle of rejection in a relationship can be difficult to break, but it’s not impossible. By practicing self-awareness, effective communication, building emotional intimacy, and practicing self-care, you can overcome the cycle of rejection and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your partner. Remember, it’s not just about trying harder or pleasing your partner, but about fostering mutual respect, understanding, and love.


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