Winners Want the Ball

Episode #392

“Winners don’t just want the ball they demand the ball.”

Why do certain people succeed in life? Is it because they have more talent? Is it because they have more opportunities?


In this episode, Doug and Tim talk about the one factor that separates the winners from those who watch on the sidelines. They talk about how you can see this factor show up in sports, in business, and even in relationships. If you’re tired of watching other people succeed from the sidelines, then this episode is for you – time to step it up and demand the ball.


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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt 0:00  

So many men, 90%, are going to watch the game. They’re going to admire the guy who’s taking the Piquet’s, taking the shots. They’re going to admire the guy who’s crushing in business or crushing in this relationship. They don’t know he is behind the scenes, that guy is demanding the ball. He’s screwing up all the time. He’s missing his free throws, so to speak, to use more sports personalities, or he’s striking out a sales call, but he wants the ball. Winners always want the ball. Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim The Powerful Man, Matthews. What’s going down, brother?

Tim Matthews 0:42  

I’m enjoying the snack, cucumber, and hummus.

Doug Holt 0:48  

You said hummus was so much better than last time. I was making fun of Tim. All the guys out there know this, you have a good friend that you’re close with. What better way to show him you care than just to make fun of them all the time? And Tim and I do that a lot. Speaking of which, Tim, one thing I don’t think you know about me, what did you do? I probably used to host business mastermind groups and one of the guys, and this is years ago, maybe ten years ago, a group that I hosted. He’s out of Brooklyn, New York, and he’s driving across the country, and he arrives in Bend, Oregon City, just outside of where I am today. So I’m going to be meeting him for a beer. I’ve never actually met him in person. So we’ve been chatting about his business growth and who he is, and he is just a phenomenal man. Phenomenal man. For like over a decade, and just the power of the internet. I mean, you and I, we joke about it. When people ask how we met, we say online. But we did. The power of the internet is sometimes you can have these connections and get to know people, zoom meetings, and Facebook Lives. “What have you,” “He’s in his car,” “send me a text this morning,” “he’s going to be arriving late this afternoon,” “I have some meetings up until about 3:30 or so, but we’re going to connect and grab a beer and have fun.”

Tim Matthews 2:11  

Wow. Yeah, that will be a lot of fun. Nice. 

Doug Hold 2:14

Yeah, it’s going to be great. 

Tim Matthews 2:16

Yeah, I have the guy arrive this evening who is guiding me through a mountain to the Leader Award, which will be fun. He’s in his 60s, always has so many great stories. He’s got so many stories from his time. He has no kids, so he’s kind of like a typical dirtbag climber. He just traveled the world. He didn’t have a job for most of his life, but he had a job where he would be able to take off for most of the year. I think it was in teaching or something. Daytime there’s a holiday, the summer, Christmas, Easter, whatever, he’d be off climbing for months. He’s got some fascinating stories, and one of them always comes out when we’re together. There’ll be a lot of fun, and the sun is shining, so maybe we’ll get to settle aside as well.

Doug Holt 3:12

Nice. Sun’s always shining here, less or smoking. It seems like that’s fine here, like, “Oh, man, the sun’s shining, let’s go outside” “Look, I got the sun’s out. Let’s just stay inside.” That always works. But Tim, one of the things that I was thinking about this morning, as I was going through my morning routine, was the idea of some of the guys right now. The Brotherhood, and the inner circle, in particular, our master, one-year long mastermind groups, and coaching groups was the success and win that some of these guys are having. We have a private community off of Facebook, which is not a Facebook group for those who don’t know a lot. It’s a private community, and inside that private community, there are other subsets of private communities. Even the guys are currently going through The Activation Method, they’re seeing 10% of what’s available to them community-wise, and there’s The Brotherhood. There’s a private, several private communities for the guys in the inner circle, etc. As I was looking at all the wins these guys have won in business, Making millions of dollars, several million dollars in a day. Some are different but win with their team, bonding with their team, wins and relationships, etc. What came to me was this concept that I’ve seen a lot: winners want the ball. Winners don’t even want the ball, and they demand the ball. When you think about that, I was thinking about how this applies to me and what happened is I instantly went back to high school. So high school, I know, is different in the US than it is in the UK. 

Here I am just to give a better context for everybody worldwide that listens to this podcast. I’m probably 16 years old. I don’t know anything but I think you know everything. Like I always say, your wisdom is super low, testosterone is super high. I’m playing soccer, and we’re in for this; basically, it’s the biggest tournament in our area, which feels like the world in high school. I’m in a big area, and I’m a defender. So, I played defense for the US like a sweeper, essentially, in high school. The last game comes down to penalty kicks, so you select five guys, just like any other five guys will take pK’s. So obviously, it’s going to be the forwards, the halfbacks; you pull those guys off, they play. Every time they were penalty kicks, I was selected. I’m thinking about now as an adult, and I wasn’t the best player by any stretch of the imagination. I wasn’t the best at penalty kicks. I’m a defender. I kicked the ball really hard and far away from guys who can place the ball in the back of the net. That’s my strength. I think about it is; the reason that my coaches always selected me is that winners want the ball. They were guys who, in practice, could slot the ball in the upper V. So, most guys in the states aren’t soccer fans just the way it is. So, when you’re doing a penalty kick, you want to place the ball in the corners ideally. The hardest places for the goalkeeper to reach, especially in youth or high school, like the goalies, aren’t as big, so they can’t hit the corners, and it’s a hard place to put the ball. Guys who could do that routinely in practice would choke in the games because of the pressure and everything else. Now I’m not saying I didn’t feel the pressure because I did, but I wanted the ball. Like I always wanted a friggin- if someone’s going to screw up, it’ll be me, just give me that friggin ball. What I thought about this is in life, you look at your buddy, the guy I’m talking about coming to visit me, a winner, the right guy, is a stud in all areas of his life because winners want the ball. So many men, 90%, are going to watch the game. 

They’re going to admire the guy who’s taking the Piquet’s, taking the shots, they’re going to admire the guy who’s crushing it in business, or crushing it in his relationship. What they don’t know behind the scenes is that guy is demanding the ball. He’s screwing up all the time. He’s missing his free throws, so to speak, to use more sports analogies, or he’s striking out in the sales calls, but he wants the ball. Winners always want the ball, and I saw this in business early on in my business coaching career. I would talk to owners, and in fact, I was talking to an owner whose business was failing. “Doug, I need to come up with the money. I need 90 grand; otherwise, I’m not going to make my payments for my house.” It was just over 90 grand, and he’s having his house completely built from scratch. I was like, “Look, what’s your sales process look like? How are you bringing cash flow into the business?” And he explained to me that it wasn’t working. I was like, “Dude, and you’re in desperation mode. Can you carve out three, four hours in a day?” “Yeah, of course, I can. Awesome. I want you to get on the phone and go through your Rolodex and call every person. Explain your situation. Ask if they know anybody that can either give you a business or do business with or another call to make. Four hours a day. I know you don’t want to do it. I know it’s going to suck. I know it’s going to hurt your pride. Four hours a day. I want you to make those phone calls. Do you know how many phone calls he made?” Do you know how many phone calls you made, Tim?

Tim Matthews 8:26


Doug Holt 8:27

Zero Calls. Winners want the ball.

Tim Matthews 8:32  

Yeah. So many different reminders are going off in my mind right now from Ronaldo and hearing stories about him when he went to Manchester United, the strength and conditioning coach working with him. Ronaldo walks up to him, an 18-year-old kid. He was at this time, “I want to be the best in the world. What do I need to do?” So he then put him on a particular program: a strength and conditioning program. Rio Ferdinand said, “Oh, we went to all those houses one time, and we walked in there, and there was a physio, a nutritionist, a psychologist, and a whole team of people surrounding him, only four or five people. But back then, it was like, people just didn’t do this like “Who are all these people here, Ronnie?” And he’s like, “Amen.” And then, alongside that, all the strength and conditioning coach would say is after practice, he would get to the end of the practice field, there was a hill, or now that would go on the back of the hill, or some woodland. He’d run drills, practice his skills, do things where nobody else could see him, and then bring those things into trading when he was ready to bring them in. They do this over and over and over again. Michael Jordan, watch In that Netflix documentary “The Last Dance” how and I read Phil Jackson’s book 11 Rings. How many times, not only does he, but that team pull things off in the last minutes of the game, a lot of the final stretch of the season when they were tired, and they’re exhausted, and they were on the road, and it’s because it was an identity. They’re all winners, and it was in those moments when the game was the toughest, when they were the most tired, when other teams would relax thinking that given their all. They would say, you know what, “Give me the ball.” This is when we pass on the gas. I think it was Muhammad Ali who said something like, “You want me to start counting when the pen starts?”

Doug Holt 10:48

Yeah. Well, then Ali said, “Give me the ball.” They demand the ball. It’s crazy. So to use one more sports analogy, this is just coming up for me as you were talking. When I played soccer in college, the assistant coach was an NFL lineman, an actual referee in the NFL. At the time, so date Tim and me, you wouldn’t know these people are, but Jerry Rice, a wide receiver for a team San Francisco 49ers, arguably the best right at the time. He’s that guy in the game that seems to break away from the defender and catch the ball, always seems to be a step ahead, always seems to be running at the right time right when the ball would land in his hands. The quarterback has part of that. But why don’t the other wide receivers have the same success? And he just seemed to be just naturally just this gifted god of football, American football. But what our coach told us said, “You know, people don’t know about Jerry Rice. This reminds me of Ronaldo, you’re saying. It is every play that they run in practice. They run the play. Everybody else walks back. He reruns the play before and then sprints back, so he catches back with the other guys, but he reruns that play at least twice. Here’s the best guy, the best wide receiver. He could just chill out. Now, he runs that same play twice. But here’s what’s more remarkable to me about that story. 

Everybody who is a professional athlete, just like Ronaldo, wants to be the best in the world. Every one of them they’d be lying if they said they did, “Oh no! It’s good just being third best in my league or what have you.” Now, all those other wide receivers are watching Jerry Rice do this. They’re watching this guy. They are there physically at this practice, you have the best guy in the world, and he’s running the same drill twice and sprinting back as they’re walking back to the huddle to do the next drill, and yet they’re not doing it. They’re not doing it, and I see this in business. As a business coach, you see this in business, or when I go into a company as interim CEO, I see this all the time. Success leaves clues; we all know that, yet people aren’t taking action to do it. It’s almost like they’re more comfortable being deactivated, yet they see me go to our website, and we have maybe a fifth of the testimonials that we should have up. Next, we have hundreds and hundreds of guys I’ve gone from deactivated to activated, and they’re all like, “Hey, this is how I did it, yet so many men won’t step to the line as we say. They’re not asking for the ball and their own life, and this is a question Arthur and I asked ourselves in the UK is “Where is my life? Am I not demanding the ball?” And it’s a tough conversation to have. 

It’s a tough place, to be honest with yourself, and I’m very fortunate that I have you have Arthur and other men around me who loved me enough to say, “Yeah, Dude over here in this area, I think you could be doing better, or you’re hiding out, or you could be doing more. then I get to use my filters and decide what is true for me? Does that feel good for me? Is that where I want to go? And I have optics on that. Am I not demanding the ball in my relationship with my marriage? My aunt was demanding the ball in the area of being a father and might not be demanding the ball in the business area. Another one when it comes up for me the most is very filling my cup. Am I not demanding the ball? I have plans tonight to do certain things, and my wife’s going for a workout, etc., this guy’s coming into town that I mentioned coming from Brooklyn, and he’s going to be in Bend, Oregon, which is about a 40-minute drive from where I live, me I turn into like a pumpkin at night. I like to be just chill and out of the evening, not going anywhere. There are so many things for me, but that’s going to fill my cup. I’m demanding the ball, not asking for it. I’m demanding in this area, which created a space for my wife, for my family to create a boat, to create that opportunity for me to show up there and show up in any way that I want to. Easy to make excuses. I’m a dad, I’ve got two daughters, only one and a half, a son who is four, two young kids, my wife, all these things. I’m working, and she needs time up. I’m demanding the ball, and having the optics was foremost to know where you need to demand the ball. You can do it in all five territories, guys.

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The first thing is to have that assessment. Do you feel like you’re the MVP in your own life? I’m going to back up for a second, Tim. Here’s how I originally did this back in Santa Barbara, California, when I had that journal out. As I sat down, this was the fork in the road for me, guys. I sat down with my journal at a coffee shop in Santa Barbara, if you guys have been there. Was down Figaro Street. I sat there with my journal, right when the place opened, a cup of coffee there, my journal in front of me, and I started writing, and on the top of my page, I asked a question, “If my life was made into a book, or a movie, too. Would it be a book that I would want to read? Would it be? If your real-life was made into a book, would it be a book you’d want to read? Would it be a book other people would want to read? Because it’s so amazing the journey you’re on, and if that was a story, are you the hero in that story, or are you just an observer? You’re just a guy going through the paces. You don’t understand my circumstances, and I don’t.” But this is a simple question. It was a life-changing question for me. Because my answer was no, no, no, would this be a page turner? No. It’d be an interesting story, but would it be a page-turner? Nah, that wouldn’t have been. So I made some dramatic shifts. I wasn’t demanding the ball in many areas of my life, probably all of them except for my body. At that time of my life, I wasn’t demanding the ball, and we thought about Jordan. You think and also think about titans of industry all over the place. Ray Dalio, you can think about him. You think Steve Jobs, Jack Welsh. They all demanded the ball.

Tim Matthews 17:51  

Even if you think about the idea of a great father, the guy that takes the kids, and takes them out and does things with them while the wife relaxes.

Doug Holt 18:04  

Shout out to Tony, the guy.

Tim Matthews 18:07

Whatever, pitchy pen, those guys won the ball? 

Doug Holt: 18:14


Tim Matthews 18:15

Chances are he does. When you think about the guy that fires up your wife’s sex drive, is that the kind of guy that wants to ball? And all we see is guys, as we’re saying these things to you, I bet that there’s a vision that’s coming up for you of yourself. We all have a vision of ourselves of how we see ourselves living. Now we’ve spoken about this before, that vision is as unique to you as your fingerprint is. When you think of that version of you, maybe the version that Doug talks about in the book, he won the ball. He will just take the ball, grab the fucking ball, just run with it. It gets me so fired up by the idea of this because it’s so easy and so transformational. Again, the easy things are sometimes hard to do. But the idea of you just taking the ball requires you to release the brakes. Take the ball, “Look, no one’s seen in your life.” “Hey, you cannot have the ball.” “No, you can’t play this game.” “No, you’re not allowed. Go back, sit on the bench. We’re not going to pick you right now.” If you’re listening to this podcast, you are in the game. You are making the game. You have set the rules of your game. So it’s totally on you whether you take the ball or not. But the chances are, if you have kids if you don’t take the ball, do you think there will when they grow? Kids do what you do, not what you say. The best way to be a role model to your kids is to live it, not to say it, but to live it.

Doug Holt 20:03  

Yeah, that’s something we, you know guys, transparently, Tim Arthur and I, have meetings regularly or go back and forth, and we talk about the movement of The Powerful Man, we question we asked each other as are we living in? So first and a foremost question we asked each other, are we living it? Sometimes one of us will go, “Nah, you know what? This last week or month? I’m just not stepping up.” And we figured out why. Where is it? Because, look, winners get sick, winners happen. But suppose you want to go from deactivated. In that case, the guy that’s watching the game, the guy that’s waiting for the coach to put them in, sitting on the sidelines. Nervously like, “Oh, it’s not the right time.” or “I’m not ready to take the penalty kicks in. I’ll take them in practice, go in the big game comes, I don’t want to be the guy that coach picks.” right to go up there. Because I’m nervous, I might miss it, I might shake it, whatever it may be. That’s deactivated. I get it because I’ve been there. So I understand. But man, life’s richer on the other side of that, so much better. I wish somebody would have grabbed me and just shook the shit out of me earlier in my life, or any stage, and be like, “Dude, demand the friggin ball.” you’re being deactivated in this area especially early on in my marriage, Tim. One is I wish I had the balls to talk to somebody about this. I just didn’t. I confided in some people, and it was really what it came out that they were in the same issue, but nobody knew how to get out of it. Just what The Powerful Man didn’t exist, then, there were another couple other men’s groups that are out there. They’re still out there. I tried them, and they didn’t work. Those guys were just as clueless, so they didn’t know how to do it. But I was seeking, I was looking for the balls demanding, was asking for it, and that’s why I was able to turn my marriage around. 

If I didn’t, if I waited on the sidelines, there’s no doubt in my mind. No doubt that either my kids were raised by another man right now, or my wife and I were split before we had kids. But the difference is, I got to a point where I had to demand the ball. I had to find the answers. I had to find a way that wasn’t. I hope this will work. I hope next week she’ll be nicer. I hope this wall turns around over time. Ah, that doesn’t work, and this isn’t making me special, by the way, guys, by any means, because I’m far from special or perfect, like the most ordinary guy over me. But I demand the ball. That’s what I demand of myself because I learned the lesson. But if I don’t demand the ball, I’m just sitting down on the couch watching the game. This game is called life. I’d rather be playing the game. Sometimes, just like in soccer when I was playing soccer, you get your licks. Someone takes you out from behind. The ref doesn’t see it. But do you get back up and get back in the game, or do you go whining and complaining and “I’m not playing this game anymore?” Nah, it’s your life. This is your life. We all need reminders. This is your life. Are you demanding the ball in your life? If you’re finding yourself in a deactivated state, get your ass into The Activation Method. Pure and simple. I’m not going to cross it. That’s the best way I’ve ever seen a man go through it. The second step, get to The Alpha Reset. Just find a way. Well, I don’t care how you have to do it. Just find a way.

Tim Matthews 23:25  

For those of you guys being in the inner circle, listening to this. Again, we’ve done step one, step two, and he demanded the ball. I’m thinking of you guys, and we will be talking about this. Jared, Tony, Keith, I’m not going to list all you guys, but you come into my mind now. I want you to sit with this. I know you play at a high level, and there’s always more. There’s always more that you’re capable of, and I don’t mean that from a place of being unfulfilled. I mean it from a place of duty; it is your duty to be the man that you are capable of being.

Doug Holt 24:05  

I love that, and this is for those guys, particularly the inner circle. You guys were the Michael Jordan of your team previously. It’s like in college. There are amazing college players, and you can be the best college player in your region. It doesn’t mean you’re going to make the NBA. When you make the NBA, you got Michael Jordan, and you got Kobe Bryant, you got all these guys playing with you. Are you going to sink and say, “Cool. I’m playing in the NBA.? I’m playing with the best. This is amazing.” or are you going to demand the ball and make sure you’re the MVP of the NBA in this analogy? Are you going to step your game up continuously so that you’re demanding the ball and demanding others around you are also doing it? Because when you start to play a bigger game, guys, you get to an up level. You get to start playing better. You get to start demanding the ball in all areas in a greater way.

Tim Matthews 25:03 

What’s the definition of hell, Doug?

Doug Holt 25:05  

The definition of Hell is mean the man who could have been, you imagine, I mean, gosh, imagine stepping up dying. You go to hell, which is, not trying to be blasphemous to anybody, but play along, and there in front of you, is you, but it’s the version of you you could have been if you put the work in, if you put the play in, get more fun in your life. Suppose you would have taken that course if you had taken the challenge from your coach. Tim gives you a challenge. Shout out to Tony; I mean, look at the videos he’s producing, and it’s they’re friggin amazing, and the insights he’s giving is way out was way outside his comfort zone. I know the guys are listening to this podcast. Who are you guys talking about? But the men involved in the movement know that because they’re seeing it, they’re witnessing Michael Jordan demand the ball, not asked for it. Tony’s not. “Oh no, excuse me. Can I play with you guys?” No. “Give me the rock. Give it to me. I got this.” And have to just like Jordan, this trepidation, other things going on. This is in natural form or wasn’t natural form. So, guys, you’re listening to this, I don’t know. Whatever is coming up for you, we’re going to ask you the same question that I posed in the UK to Tim and Arthur and myself we’re the five territories. Are you not releasing the brakes? Are you not demanding the ball? Is it in the area of self? That was me. That’s me. That’s the area that I’m working on. Is it in health? Is it in wealth? 

Is it in relationships, or is it in business? One of those five, none for you, maybe all five, maybe like “Shit, man, all five of these areas aren’t good. I’m deactivated in all of them. Cool. No judgment. Now you’ve got optics. Now that I have optics, I can make a change. I can make a shift. Awesome. I’m deactivated. I was, I realized it. I went, “Man, I’m going to do anything I can need to have to two days, so to speak, on my relationship. Three days, I had to write my relationship to become activated. I did. It wasn’t easy. It was hard. It cost me millions of dollars to do it because The Powerful Man wasn’t there. This movement wasn’t there. There wasn’t a podcast of guys talking about these subjects that existed. I wish there was a shortcut that we have called The Activation Method. Now I wish that existed, and it didn’t. That’s why I got involved in this movement because that’s what I wanted. So guys, as we wrap this up, I want you to take action, including you guys in The Activation Method. Currently, they’re listening to this. The alumni, The Brotherhood, the inner circle, or anybody’s doing one-on-one coaching with one of our coaches. I want you guys to do this too. Whether you’re in your car, at work, write down the five territories. I’ll say them again. Self-health, wealth, relationships, business. Where are you, which territory or maybe all of them, where are you not demanding the ball in your life? The next step is to take massive friggin action.

Tim Matthews 28:10

I just call them class, and I’m rocking, and the palms are sweaty, and my feet are moving on the floor, and I was just “Ah, won the ball.”

Doug Holt 28:21  

And we’re Tim, and I am going into a meeting with Arthur right after this. He has got no idea what he’s getting ready for. Guys demand the ball. Be Jerry Rice. Be Michael Jordan. Be Ronaldo, whatever you want to do. Be Jack Welsh. Whoever it is, that’s your idol to go through. I’m going to propose that your idol is the man that was staring back at you in the mirror. That’s the man you’re striving to be. Let that guy show up to hell, meet his ideal self and go, “That’s friggin me. That’s awesome. This isn’t hell. This is heaven. Because I did it. I had fun along the journey too. I enjoyed myself.” That’s a key lesson for me enjoying myself through that. That’s why I risk myself. Without optics, I get to do it, and that’s why I make decisions to meet this guy. Victor, if you’re listening to this on your way, it already played. I’ll have a great time with him because I’m demanding the ball in my life, and I hope I want you to be demanding the ball indoors as well. Let’s get off the stands, gents. Let’s play the game. Alright, guys, that’s a wrap for us here at The Powerful Man Show. Have an amazing week and as always, take massive action on a moment of insight. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.


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