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What Does It Take To Become A Powerful Man

Episode #76

In order to become a powerful man, you should understand where you are in order to navigate your way through.

If not, it will be difficult for you to move, leaving you stuck in the darkness.

When you begin t recognize that you are experiencing the 5 agonies, you then become able to shift it into the 5 freedoms.

As men, we are constantly sold on this idea of “power” in the form of external power. But the truth is, both external and internal power and strength are important.

It takes courage to break the chain of society and take a stand for what really matters to you. The courage and vulnerability to be able to accept what situation you are in and transform your greatest pain into your greatest power.

We tend to believe that to be a man we have to earn money, but while doing what we are told to do we are not achieving our dreams but somebody else’s dream.

We feel empty in spite of the achievements and approvals we get from society because we know within us that these are just false success and these don’t really matter to us.

Reconnect to your instinct, break the chains of the society, stand firm to what is really important to you and allow it to flow through you. This will show in your energy, peace, clarity, and power.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • How to break the chains of society
  • The importance of standing firm in what you believe
  • How to become a powerful man without sacrificing your dreams and happiness
  • How to transform your greatest pain into the greatest power
  • How to recognize and accept what situation we are into in order for us to navigate our path


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Episode Transcript

Tim Matthews 0:00  

They’ve been told that the way to be a man and be successful is to go out there and work and hustle and grind. And, work harder, make more money, and you’ll be happy. But as I said, they’ll leave themselves at the finish line, and it’s a scary prospect.

Doug Holt 0:19  

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host, Tim, “The Powerful Man,” Matthews. And what’s happening, brother?.

Tim Matthews 0:32  

Hahaha, I’m great, man. How are you? Doing well.

Doug Holt 0:34

I’m doing well.

Tim Matthews0:36

Thank God. Good. Good.

Doug Holt 0:37  

Tim, we talked about I want to dive right into it. Yeah, me.

Tim Matthews 0:42  

Is he caffeinated?

Doug Holt 0:43

Oh, yeah.

Tim Matthews 0:44


Doug Holt 0:45  

It’s the morning over here on the West Coast of the United States. I’m looking at the mountains. I have a cup of coffee in my hand, and I’m ready to rock.

Tim Matthews 0:53  

Let’s do so.

Doug Holt 0:55  

Tim, the topic thrown on the table today was, what does it take to be a powerful man? How would you answer that?

Tim Matthews 1:05  

Um, what does it take to be a powerful man?. So obviously, there’s a process, in my opinion, and in my experience, so I’m going to stand firm. That is a process, and I base that on the results that we see men get when they follow the process. And the result these men get by anybody’s standards is that they are undeniably powerful men who become powerful men, right?. You’ve seen it. It was the big catalyst for you to get involved because you saw the profound results some of them got. So what does it take to become a powerful man?. In my opinion, the first thing you’ve got to do is, understand where you are. Now, when the men come to us, a lot of the frustration and confusion they have been trying to navigate their way through is a result of them not knowing what’s going on. It’s like when you get into your car, and you’re programming the destination, you say, where you want to go, what does the Sat Nav then do? Sat Nav then figures out where you are to navigate the path to it, the same thing in becoming a powerful man. But if you don’t know where you are, then it’s very difficult to be able to make a move, and the position the men are in before we start working with them is they’re stuck in a void in a dark, lonely place, where they can’t see a way out. Now they’re trained to claw their way out of it, but for some reason, they keep on slipping back down. And, in the void, there are five agonies that the men systematically move through, and we’ve seen this with every single guy, and obviously, I have the privilege of being able to speak to these men before they come in. 

So I’m very aware of the stories, and I’ve seen this pattern play out over the past five years, with hundreds, if not thousands of men I’ve spoken to is it’s like a science. It’s systematic, and it’s as predictable as the weather. And just like the weather, if you have an early warning weather system in place, you can avoid the storm right and get the other way. So the agony is that these men that move through, the first one is greed. And this isn’t to mean that they’re greedy, man, they’re bad man, it’s just the fact that no matter what they achieve, it just never seems to land for them. It’s just never enough, and it never satisfies them. And they’ve been taught to believe that the way to be a man, the way to be a powerful man, is to make money, to work harder, to provide for your family financially, so they go about doing that. And they’re able to make money, have the home, have the holidays, the car, the status in the office, and all the rest of it. But there’s just something missing for these men. And the reason why it’s missing is that it was never their dream in the first place. They’ve spent the past couple of decades building somebody else’s dream. And they’ve left themselves at the finish line behind themselves, the wreckage that has been collected from them killing themselves and their relationships to achieve this fallacy of what they thought was going to be a success, but in reality, it’s false success on false power. And that then leads these guys to the second agony of anger because they then start to get frustrated, they don’t know how to answer this void that they are experiencing, and these guys are used to having the answers. 

They used to understand what was going on and get out of it, and they were making decisions all day in business. They are coming home and making decisions for the family, they are decision-makers at the end of the day, but this is one thing they can’t figure out. And as a result, as it continues to build up over time, and the demands on them continue to get more and more and more, they feel like that life is getting away from them. And it starts to create a lot of frustration, and it’s almost likely to become a volcano ready to erupt. And then they go home one night, and, the sharp word to the wife, or the shouting of the kids, or whatever. And that then leads to the third agony of shame because they are then acting out of alignment with who they know they could be, and who then the man they want to be, and the man they know they’re capable of being. And then get into this cycle of shame, sabotage, and sedation, so they’ll then do more of the actions will because they feel ashamed, then take actions, again, that are out of alignment with the business owner they are, or the husband they are, all of a sudden they are all whatever. And then they start to isolate themselves, they pull away from the people they love, they slowly but surely stop attending the Christmas players, and they stopped me in the wife for lunch, and they make the excuse that men have got to work harder. And that you do that often they retreat to work, but this is the fourth agony of loneliness. They start to feel very isolated, with nowhere to turn and no one to talk to because everybody else around them looks like they’ve got it all. But then they feel like it’s all falling apart; that’s a heavy burden for them. And at least the fifth agony of uncertainty, because they are still unsure of how long the people they love we’re going to tolerate this. 

How long is the wife going to tolerate them continuing to work late every night, continuing to shut down and ignore them, and not getting engaged in a conversation when you walk through the door because they’re just so exhausted and thinking about work? How long will the business survive with a lack of leadership and them avoiding problems and burying their head in the sand, all because they don’t have the confidence to make the big decisions they used to have, but they don’t? So the first step to becoming a powerful man is recognizing, are you in that position? Because if you are, rather than beating yourself up, you’re able to recognize it. Quite honestly, over the weekend, I spoke to Amelia, and I’m like, “holy crap! I can’t believe it, I’m in the five agonies”. She’s like, “No, well, what are you going to do about it?”. I said, “Well, I’m going to go through The Activation Method.” And not go through a 10-week process, but go into the teachings of it, because although I live it just as much as you do, Doug. At the same time, we both human beings in life is going to come open, old triggers are going to happen and, I am going to fall back to the five agonies from time to time, I don’t live there anymore, I am going to fall back there. But if I know what it looks like and I know where I am, I’m quickly able to recognize it and shift across back to where I do live, which is the five freedoms. And there’s a bridge in between there, which is the making of a powerful man, and that bridge is doing the three shifts. Going through those three shifts in a systematic order, if you skip any one of those shifts and try to go to shift two or shift three before you’ve done the preceding one, it just doesn’t work. , we’ve seen it in the program, like guys have tried to bluff us and tell us that they’ve moved through shift one and they’re ready for shift two in the common stock. And that’s the great thing about The Alpha Reset, is there’s nowhere to hide for these guys, is now we’ve got them hands-on for four days after they’ve done the prework of The Activation Method. And then we can invite them powerful to step into their power and become The Powerful Man they were born to be.

Doug Holt 9:04  

That’s such a beautiful experience to witness, and as you said, we talked about being a powerful man. What we are talking about isn’t external strength, although that is a component and of something that we teach, is that internal power and strength are also important.

Tim Matthews 9:26  

Yeah, totally. , the actual making of a powerful man is in doing those three shifts. It’s in having the courage and vulnerability to accept that what I’m doing right now just isn’t serving my family or me and then going into your darkness to transform your greatest pain into your greatest power. And that’s what we see time and time again with these guys because they’ve been told that the way to be a man and be successful is to go out there and work and hustle and grind, and, work harder, make more money, and, you’ll be happy. But like I said, they leave themselves at the finish line, and it’s a scary prospect. And the first time around, going through the first shift of the truth, and, being able to go into your darkness, because there’s, the truth is all about breaking the chains of society and reconnecting to your instincts as a powerful man. And that takes courage, it does!. And then he can progress to that to the second shift of the creed, which is all about, really rediscovering what you want, taking a stand for, truly matters to you today. Not falling for the fallacy of a success that society deemed you ought to have, to have some false power. No, it’s about you living on your terms. And we always see it, with the guys, when they have that “AHA! moment” of actually don’t need all these things I’ve been told to do, I do need to, feel good enough, to feel like I’ve made it. 

And it doesn’t mean that they don’t have more of those things, they often do, but they’ve not attached to those things as symbols of status anymore. Instead, they’re able to get their status from within, from looking in the mirror and being proud of the man that they are. In my opinion, the journey to becoming a powerful man is all about the willingness to move through those three shifts. , for example, on the weekend, I recognized I was cycling through the five agonies and Doug its, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in a moment too. Still, as it’s like a science, I see it every time from what agony from greed to anger, to shame, to loneliness, uncertainty, they follow on from one another. It’s like science; 100% happens every time in that order and in that way. So, being a powerful man doesn’t mean experiencing them, because that’s a lie as well, no, who’s perfect, nobody. But being aware of it, then being able to accept your wrongs and address your imbalances, then get back to your North Star of the five freedoms, and that’s where you hang out, right?. You’re able to hang out in the five freedoms and experience life there with an abundance of joy, doing what you love, working when and how and where you want to go with time, with a work-life balance, energy to enjoy your life, love, and connection with the people you love as well. So they’re just the perks of being a powerful man, they’re just the byproducts, but the real work, in my opinion of becoming a powerful man, is all in those three shifts.

Doug Holt 13:05  

Well, Tim, it’s like the analogy of baking a cake, right?. It’s very predictable. So if you’re going to go home, or a guy if you’re listening to this, you’re going to bake your partner a cake, it’s a birthday cake, and, there’s a certain recipe you follow you don’t go ahead. Put the flour in the bowl, put it in the pan, put it in the oven, take it out, then crack the eggs and put it in, no-no, you do it all by the recipe, right?. It would help if you mixed the ingredients step by step before putting them in the oven before baking them to bake the cake. We see with the guys going through this, and as you said within ourselves, we’re seeing this go in a systematic order. It happens every single time, after time, and it becomes formulaic. It becomes to the point like anything like business or anything else you’re working on, and you start to recognize the signs. And the important thing is, is not to be scared and put a mask on, and try to “Oh no! What if anybody finds out that things aren’t going well in my relationship or my health?”. Or like you’ve heard talking about urine that you caught yourself in the agonies, and you’re honest about it. , you told Amelia, you called me and told me over the weekend, and that honesty and clarity allowed you to get out of it so quickly. I think that’s such an important aspect, Tim?

Guys, I’m interrupting this episode because I want to know if you feel bored, burned out, or broken? Discover the system that over 300 businessmen are using to let go of the grind, find inner peace, and unlock unlimited personal power so they can have more time, more intimacy, and better sex while living a life they love without stressing about work or feeling like a fraud. Head over to ThePowerfulMan.com/11 to see what this is all about. Alright, let’s get back to the episode.

Tim Matthews 15:11

It is. , just again, I call it, well, we call it, “Society Sucker Punch,” isn’t it. As men, we are taught to believe that we’ve got to have more; it’s all about more, more, more, more, bigger, better, more!. And perfection, we see everywhere plastered about that nice bit of man is all about having every single thing to have everything on, on fire at once. Now I’m firing a good way that once every single thing. And it’s just, there’s going to be a rhythm to that, there’s always going to be a rhythm to that for sure, a new relationship can grow, and your business can flow, and you can be fulfilled, and then so on, there’s going to be a downswing in there as well. And if you put yourself against this picture of perfection, then you’re going to end up being trapped. You’re going to end up feeling very stuck and overwhelmed, and confused because you are trying to live up to something that isn’t possible. It’s just not, but society wants to paint the picture that it is, so you keep on going, keep on working, hustling, and work a little bit harder, getting those extra few hours, and meeting the deadlines. And how many times have you met the deadlines, and you’ve hit the targets, but, you’re going to the office next day, and there’s just another one, and another one, and another one, it’s never-ending. So until you’re able to break free from that and reclaim your power, and at the same time redefine what it is that you want, you’re going to remain stuck on the hamster wheel of hustle. But when you do, do the work on yourself to go into those three shifts, then, the rewards. It’s like personal freedom, isn’t it?.

Doug Holt 17:10


Tim Matthews17:11

It’s almost like you have discovered this secret code to your soul. When you unlock it, you unleash something so powerful within you that you don’t need any validation from anyone or anything outside of you. So often hear it from the wives, how when the guys come back from The Alpha Reset, they like change men. But in reality, it all has changed because their energy, presence, and show up is tired. We’ve given them loads of tactics and tools to go and introduced a wife to for the next few weeks, or whatever we don’t do would even talk about the relationship or The Alpha Reset. It’s all about the guy because the man can really reclaim his power and gets a deep sense of knowing, of who he is and what he wants, and with that, a profound sense of peace. When he returns home, his wife can feel that, and she can see in his eyes; she feels it when he hugs her. And as a result, he starts to make it about her, and she knows he’s there. She feels that sense of calm and knowing exuding from him. So she can breathe a sigh of relief, which is very attractive for the woman. That’s often why we get these messages from men that their sex lives are through the roof once they return. No, because they’ve learned any trick, just being the man that the wives have known that could be all along.

Doug Holt 18:56

Yeah, it’s such a beautiful thing to witness and see these guys when they break through. And, as a man, when you’re leading your family, your wife and the rest of your family, and your business and your community, at that level of clarity and power. There’s nothing like it., it’s like an addicting drug. But really, it’s kind of like you said, it’s a cheat code to life and unlocking that powerful man that’s within us. I think, Tim, would you agree that I think many women see this within their men and wish they had a way of helping them break free from the agony that they can see what’s inside them. And often, I’ve heard a couple of women mentioned like, “Ahh yes!”, “This is the guy I married that I knew he could become that so often.”

Tim Matthews 19:42  

Yeah, for sure. I mean, they see it. They do. And the reality is, that guy will have been there before, but somewhere somehow, so often, the men lose it. They lose that connection with themselves and, with it, the zest for life; everything becomes about achievement. Everything becomes about doing and hustling and providing, improving. They leave their needs at the start line, and he kind of does that for so long before you get exhausted, and empty, and burnt out. You’re no good to anyone at that point, and then you start to put all your insecurities onto other people because you don’t see comments; it’s very sneaky. You don’t see it coming up because they happen over such a long period of time, just chipping away, and chipping away, and chipping away. And before it, ten years down the line you’ve become, you’ve completely changed, because every day bit by bit, you have been sacrificing your own needs as a man, because you’ve believed that you’ve got to be someone different than you are and force your way to success. So every day that you’re doing something that you don’t want to do to make money, it’s almost like you’re selling out on yourself on your real desires. And the more that you do that, the more you lose touch with yourself. And that’s when we see these guys and start going home, and, pouring themselves a whiskey or two, and just trying to calm the mind down, because their mind is racing and they feel torn, to feel completely torn within themselves. Because on one side, they now have these obligations to this business that, yes, it makes money, but it just it drains them every day, and they’re starting to resent it, and they’re avoiding things. 

And they’re not wanting to lead and not wanting to make decisions, and it feels like a drag; it’s worse than a job because they can’t even and switch off from it; it consumes them. But on the flip side, they know there’s more to life. They know that life ought to feel different from this. They know that life is supposed to be happier, and have more fun, and more spontaneity. And then wondering, well, a sex life, “Why? Why sex boring? Why am I not having it? Why am I choosing to watch porn instead”. Because you’re not going to have a vibrant sex life, if you are killing off the connection with yourself by selling your soul every day and doing things that you think you have to do to make money when the reality is, you don’t need to do that. I’m not saying to you that you quit your business. But the reality is, there are tons of ways to make money making money is easy; there’s more money around now than in the history of this planet. Money is in abundance. So there are loads of ways to make money, and you don’t have to fight for it. You don’t have to struggle for it. When you are truly in alignment with what you desire and what you deserve, you show up in the world in a very effortless way because of who you are and what you want. And that sense of clarity and purpose opens you up to opportunities and an impact and money that fills you up. Again, the lie that we have been told is that you’ve got to sacrifice to make money, you’ve got to sacrifice, to have what you want, and you did, that’s one way to do it for sure. You can do that, and you can make money that way. And there is another way, and there’s another path. The path whereby you go through the three shifts, and you’re able to reconnect to your instincts as a powerful man, break the chains of society, take a stand for what truly matters to you. And stand firm and say this is what I want, this is what I’m creating, and say no to everything else, and then actually allow it to flow through you because you’ll be more inspired, your creativity will open up, you’ll make decisions faster. 

I spoke to a business owner yesterday, and, the past couple of years, he just lost his mojo. He was telling me how, before, that he was really in a place of flow, he’s making money, deals we’re going through, he is in property, and for the past couple of years, he’s just been completely paralyzed. And what it came down to was the fact that he didn’t hit one of his targets when he didn’t hit that target. What daunt to him is that he realized that throughout the previous ten years, as it been making these deals, he then started to put all of his worth and significance on the success they were achieving. So then when he had us sat back, and saw it as a reflection of him and start to feel like a failure, and start to tell himself all these stories and tried to get it going again, but in the same energy, and the same mindset that created a setback in the first place. He went into business, knowing who he was, knowing what he wanted, and then he changed along the way. As he started to experience success, he changed, and he started to expect things. And they started to reflect his worth and value as a man. So then, when he had setbacks, it just threw him off. So there’s one destination to two paths; you can achieve it with the stress, the struggle, and the sacrifice and arrive there, beaten, beaten and battered, and bruised. I can’t believe that used to be her positive side, ability to tolerate pain as men, and persevere, was almost a badge of honor; it was a badge of honor that I wore for a long time; I think it’s a badge of honor that some men still do wear. And it’s just not working, and men are killing themselves in the relationships to get to that one destination. Or you can choose another path where you do the work to become a powerful man and go through the three shifts, and he can then experience the five freedoms. And like I said at the beginning, have optics know where you are. So you can make the shift instead of being a victim to what’s going on around you.

Doug Holt 26:44  

Absolutely. Great advice, Tim. I love it, man.

Tim Matthews 26:48 

So guys, if anything I’ve shared with you so far has resonated, and you are in the void, or even contemplating that where I’m at, what’s going on, you are losing touch with who you are, and what you want. I was hoping you could go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/freedom. There’s a short video on there, I think will bring a lot of insight into what you get to do to make this shift. So you can live up to your potential and be the man that you’re capable of being and step into your power as The Powerful Manual you’re born to be. That’s ThePowerfulMan.com/freedom.