Episode #1008
Ever find yourself resisting the very tools you know will help you? In this episode, Doug Holt sits down with fellow TPM coach Christopher Hansen to answer a powerful question from the community: “What part of the program do you struggle to live out in real life?”
The conversation is refreshingly honest. They talk about slipping on routines like the Alpha Rise & Shine, avoiding conflict cleanup, and the very human reasons why even experienced coaches still fall short sometimes. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being real, showing up, and staying in the work.
Whether you’re deep into personal development or just trying to get back on track, this one’s a reminder that growth is messy, personal, and always worth it.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
It’s almost easier to do the ARS than to do the Alpha Decompress. And I think it’s because it’s first thing in the morning. You do it before the chaos. But by the end of the workday, as a business owner running companies, you’re kind of like, oh crap, it’s four, five, six, seven o’clock whatever it is. I want to rush home, see the family and kids, or I have a dinner or something else going on, and men forget to decompress.
Doug Holt 0:38
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. Once again, we are joined by Christopher Hansen. I asked him to stick around. If you were here with us for the previous episode, you got a little background on Chris, but if you’ve seen other episodes, you have as well. Chris is a fundamental member of the TPM team, and he also runs one of our advisor programs. So if you ever get interested in the programs we offer here at TPM the coaching services, the events Chris might be one of the guys you talk to just to give you some information and the lowdown. Chris, thanks for being here, man.
Christopher Hansen 1:13
Hey, thanks for having me. It’s nice to be back once again.
Doug Holt 1:17
I know we’re going to do some questions from the app today, just trying to answer the guys’ questions as we go through. Interesting to see how this goes.
Christopher Hansen 1:24
For sure. I love doing these, by the way.
Doug Holt 1:28
I do too, because they’re spontaneous. There’s no prep for them. That’s the best way I like to do it so people get the real deal. It’s one of the things a lot of guys at events say: “Wow, you guys are exactly the way you appear to be on the podcast, the shows, or anything else you do.” We’re just husbands, fathers, regular dudes you’re gonna find at a barbecue. There are just some areas of life we’ve figured out better than others.
Christopher Hansen 1:54
For sure. Definitely still on the journey of figuring things out.
Doug Holt 2:01
Journey is the destination.
Christopher Hansen 2:04
Well, that kind of leads us into this question. I think this is a really cool question might be a challenging one, even, to discuss. Okay, so this is from Aaron, came out of the TPM app. He said, “I thought it would be interesting for the owners and coaches of the program at TPM to discuss which parts of the program you struggle to implement the most in your real lives.”
Doug Holt 2:34
Interesting. Okay, so this is really nuanced for me, because we have two entry-level programs, really. We have The Activation Method, which is a program for relationships. We have Ascension Blueprint, which is for men who are a little stuck in life, who are unsure of the next thing the relationship isn’t the worst issue for them at that time. So those are the two main entry points.
We also have Navigate. Navigate is for non-business owners. We do that just to help more men. We have thousands of men who reach out and say, “Hey, you guys only work with business owners and CEOs, but I could use this help too.” So we created the Navigate program. We also have Rekindling Connection, which is like an intro program we’ve offered in the past. Then we have The Brotherhood, which is our one-year mastermind for graduates who get invited. We have The Inner Circle, which is a higher-level, invite-only group very small, elite men coming through. And we have one-on-one coaching and a number of other things, like the Academy, that are coming out. I say all that because well, which program is the hardest?
I know Aaron. I know him really well. I actually co-led his Alpha Reset. He did The Alpha Reset in the UK with Chris Andreessen, who’s now one of our coaches as well. They were in The Alpha Reset together the exact same Reset. Chris now runs our Navigate program. He’s one of the lead coaches there. That was five years ago. So it’s great to see both of these guys still active in the community, giving back, and seeing their journeys. Let’s make the assumption it’s The Activation Method because that was the first program Aaron went through. Aaron’s been a huge role model for other men. Talk about a lighthouse we describe a lighthouse as somebody who always stays on, doesn’t turn off when it’s dark, and shines a light for other men, imperfectly but consistently. Always contributing, always giving back.
So shout out to Aaron. I know he wouldn’t say his journey has been perfect, or that he’s perfect. Very humble man, but a very powerful man in the sense that he’s always giving back and striving for more. With that preamble long preamble, but I want to make sure the guys know which program I’m picking out of. So, The Activation Method. If I look at my life today, the hardest one for me to implement has been drum roll the Alpha Rise and Shine.
I’d say it’s the Alpha Rise and Shine right now. Now, I’m getting back into it. You and I are connecting to work out. You now live in Sisters, and we’re working out four to five days a week on average, hitting the weights, which I love. But the morning routines… previously, when I was running so many programs within TPM, I pushed my morning routine back “for a season.”
What I found myself doing was saying, “Hey, I’ll do my ARS next week.” One week became a month, then became a year. Intermittently, sure. But that’s been one of the harder ones. I think I have the Triad down pat. If I were to give myself one more mark, I’d say another one I can miss at times is an aspect of the program that allows men, after an argument, to come back quickly and clean it up. And the reason I struggle with that one? Sometimes I just don’t want to clean it up. The teenager inside me is strong, man. The teenager is so much so. My wife knows what we do she coaches women, she has her own coaching company. She’s heard me talk about this for ten years now.
And she’ll even look at me and go, “You know what to do.” And that’ll set me off a little bit more, like, “Oh really? You’re expecting me to clean it up just because I have the skills? Well I’m not going to do it.” I’m not saying it’s the right thing. But I recognize it in the moment. I know what I’m doing, and I’m choosing not to execute on that. Not for any strategic reason just being bullheaded.
Christopher Hansen 7:23
Sometimes you just want to be mad, you know.
Doug Holt 7:27
You gotta have all the flavors of the world, man all the emotions, for sure.
Christopher Hansen 7:31
I mean, when I speak to Kristen, my wife, about our relationship, I always talk about how we’re going to have arguments. Things are going to blow up. There are things that are going to happen. And I think what’s a really good marker of a good relationship is how quickly things can come back together. Yes, right. So I am very aware of, hey, this is going to happen. What are the skills that are required to come back together? And then how quickly can I execute them?
So many times I’ve done that exact same thing of going down the path of writing stories like, do I actually want to bring this back together? Do I actually want to be in this relationship? I can go down that whole long path and get lost in it very quickly. I think you and I have talked about some of the stuff I’ve dealt with in my relationship since I’ve been here, which I appreciate your help with. Absolutely it was very helpful. But there is this point for me where I see myself doing it, and I’m kind of observing. And I’m just like, oh, this is the teenager in me that wants to rebel, wants to push back, and wants to be angry, right? It’s an aspect of me that maybe hasn’t had the space to be angry. So I resonate with that for sure.
Doug Holt 9:15
For me, it doesn’t happen often. But this is an area I talk about often with the other coaches, or when I’m coaching a coach, because I want people to understand that by no means am I perfect. Sometimes I make poor choices, and I make poor choices deliberately. Sometimes holding back just makes me feel good. I kind of like it. I think my wife actually respects it sometimes when I give her that kind of pushback, or I go into that mode. There used to be a part of me that would look at that and go, why do I do that? and reflect on it.
I think I’m in a stage of my development where I don’t feel the need to reflect on all those aspects and move forward. Now, the ARS the Alpha Rise and Shine that’s something I’d like to get back into, and I have been doing, right? I mean, I’ve got a sauna, I’ve got a cold plunge, I’ve got a Shiftwave, I’ve got all the toys. The toys are easy to buy you’ve got to use them, though, right?
And the journaling I remember in the early days of TPM, before TPM, I had my own coaching company. I was doing a lot of very high-end one-on-one coaching, and I had like a two-hour morning routine. I created the lifestyle so I could do that. I remember other coaches talking about, “Hey, what’s your morning routine?” because it was kind of a newer thing back then. And I listed it out I had it all on a spreadsheet and I just saw people’s faces drop, like, “You do all that?” And I did. I was really into it.
So what I’ve done now is I have an abbreviated version of the ARS the Alpha Rise and Shine which isn’t just a morning routine, it’s a very specific type. Then we have a longer, full one. Either way, you should get something in there, and it definitely sets you up for success. I can tell I’m more anxious when I don’t do the morning routine. By the end of the day, I’m less fulfilled when I don’t do the morning routine. Conversely, the same thing could be said about the Decompression.
It’s almost easier to do the ARS than to do the Alpha Decompress at least it is for me. And I think it’s because it’s first thing in the morning. You do it before the chaos. But by the end of the workday, as a business owner running companies, you’re kind of like, oh crap, it’s four, five, six, seven o’clock whatever it is. I want to rush home and see the family, the kids, or I have a dinner or something else going on, and men forget to decompress. I have some pretty good triggers that allow me to decompress at this point. That’s almost automatic for me, because I have so many reps with it. And the morning routine can be but the morning routine, the Alpha Rise and Shine, there are specific components that require time, that you can’t just trigger into.
Christopher Hansen 12:04
Yep, for sure. The Decompress is one that I feel like I have pretty dialed. Typically, if I’m going from work mode into family mode, my wife will call me out pretty quickly, honestly. If I’m coming in the house and I’m not grounded, not settled into the space, she’s gonna point it out. So it’s been really easy for me when I walk through that door, I know I’m a different person. I’m not coming in as the CFO. Now we’re just gonna go have fun as a family and as a husband and all of that.
But I struggle with the ARS. I was an East Coast guy before I moved out to the West Coast three-hour time difference. So my first meetings on the East Coast were 9 a.m. That’s nothing. I could get up, do my ARS, be prepped, and be dialed by 9. But out here, 6 a.m. meetings that’s a completely different ball game. Now I’ve got to get up at 4 or 4:30, and then I’m struggling just to get my day started without starting with caffeine. I’ve gotten into that habit here of first thing in the morning caffeine and email. And it’s like, bro…
Doug Holt 13:24
I think there are seasons for everything. The key is being honest with yourself about the season you’re in. In 2020 or 2021 I can’t remember exactly I took over TPM’s marketing. It wasn’t planned. We got rid of the team, and I had to do it. That was stressful, because we can’t help men unless they know about us. I told the team, “I’ll take this on for a quarter.” That quarter turned into six months, then a year, then two years.
Eventually I got on a call with our CEO and Tim, my business partner, and said, “Hey, I told you I’d do this for a quarter. It’s been two years. I’m done. This is changing now.” And our CEO said, “Yep, sure until you decide to take on another project,” because I love what we do so much.
I care at a high level. It’s hard for me to see the ball get dropped and a man not get served, because I know what it means. Almost every week, at least every other week, a man reaches out and says, “Hey, you saved my life. You saved my family.” I don’t take that lightly, and nobody on our team does.
So for me, the story I told myself was, hey, if getting up at 4:30, having a cup of coffee, and getting after it saves a man’s family, I’m good with that. But at what cost, right? That’s the story I play back and forth in my mind. When I think about our other coaches and Tim, my business partner, I was answering my question and listening to yours, and I thought, huh, is there a commonality across all the coaches? Probably not.
All of them are extremely experienced, experts in their fields. I would say the one area none of them slip on is The Hidden Motives Technique, the Clean Slate Method. Some might slip on “Live Like a King.” Some on conflict they might avoid it. Boundaries is another. Everyone’s a little different in what they’re working on. That’s what makes it beautiful. All of us are on our own journeys. And I think all of the coaches would admit the areas they struggle in.
Christopher Hansen 16:12
For sure. I think the biggest thing is being able to just be honest with yourself. If you’re going to step into the space of leading men, you’ve got to be honest with yourself and recognize that. I have a theory you don’t actually know something until you’ve taught it to someone else. Fundamentally, teaching is part of learning. You pass the baton of knowledge, and at that point, you really know it.
Doug Holt 16:45
I want to buy you a gift. Look, if your marriage is struggling and let’s be real, every marriage struggles at some point but yours is struggling where you’ve lost that love, admiration, respect, I want to help you. I want to buy you a copy of the book that I wrote, A Man’s Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It. In here, I’ve distilled over eight years of programs that we’ve developed at TPM to help men just like you save their marriages without talking about it. There’s no fluff, no BS. It’s an action plan that you can start using today to actually save your marriage and bring that love and respect back into your family, back into your house. You deserve it. Look, all I ask is you pay the postage. You pay the shipping. I’ll buy the book for you. That way, you can take massive action today. Click the link or find it in the bio and get your copy now.
Christopher Hansen 17:38
I think every one of our coaches, everybody within TPM, is in their own journey of that exact thing.
Doug Holt 17:46
So we had a leadership meeting five or six of us at that time. We all showed up to a house, and one of the coaches on the leadership team came in. He made up some story. All of a sudden, there’s tension in the room. We all had the same goal, but there was some tension.
Finally, the coach I can’t remember exactly how it all transpired something was said, and it was clear there was an issue. This coach said, “You know what? I made up a story that I wasn’t wanted here, that I don’t belong. That reminded me of being a kid and being ostracized from my friend groups.” And then he started crying. He said, “This all came up for me again.”
He’s perfectly imperfect in the sense that he’s having these same things come up, but look how he moved through them. I was much closer to him after that experience and him sharing. But his initial trigger thought was, “These guys actually don’t really want me here. They don’t respect my opinion. They’re high-level coaches. Maybe I’m not as good a coach as I think I am.” All of these stories imposter syndrome like all of us can suffer from at times. That’s the area he’s working on, and he’s been coaching for a very long time.
We’re all on the journey of sharpening the saw, right? Stephen Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Great book. I think its seventh habit is “Sharpen the Saw.” It’s like the saying, “If you give me two hours to cut down a tree, I’ll sharpen the saw for the first 90 minutes.” That’s the smart thing. We’re all working on ourselves. Mine ebbs and flows. We have five territories that we initially start off with in TPM, as you know, Chris. We have self who you are inside, how you relate to yourself, how you fill your cup.
We have health not just your physical appearance, but how your body is functioning, what your energy level is like. We have wealth which can mean abundance or spirituality. It’s different for each guy. For some men, it’s their relationship with their maker, their God. For others, it’s abundance in the world. Some people, it’s financial. For others, it’s energy how much you have during the day.
Of course, there’s relationships. We talk about that most on this podcast. And then business. Business is the easy one for most of our guys, because we deal with business owners. We’re an elite men’s coaching company dealing with businessmen and executives. And we opened up Navigate, as I talked about earlier, for non-business owners, which I’m very glad we did. It’s a different community, but the business owners want their staff to enjoy all the rewards they’re getting.
So when you look at this metric of people coming in, we’re all struggling on these journeys. Different areas ebb and flow. At some points, I’m working on self that area’s a little down. At other points, it’s health. Maybe it’s aesthetics, like, “Oh crap, I was talking to you yesterday. I want to work out, I want to lose weight, but I don’t know if I want to do it that badly. Do I really care that much?”
I feel like I do really well in the wealth category, business, relationships. The areas I constantly go back and forth on are self and health. For another coach, it’s totally different. For him, it’s wealth and relationships. Another one is business. We’re all working on it. But the commonality is that we’re all striving to get better. Yep, 100%.
Christopher Hansen 21:38
For sure. I think the biggest one for me, and what I’ve learned so much since I moved out here, is just doing things for myself actually taking time for me. It’s so easy for me to spend time with my wife. She’s my best friend. I love spending time with her. But I’ll get to a point where it starts to become clear, “Oh, I actually need to go be by myself for a while. I need to do something that’s just for me.”
For the longest time, I felt guilty doing things by myself. I’d go off alone and think, “I should have my kids with me. I should be making memories with them,” and all of those stories. I’ve really had to force myself to be okay with that and to fill my cup. I’ve found, universally, the more I do that, the more life just kind of opens up for me. Everything else gets easier. So I’d say that’s the biggest struggle for me that I’ve been working on.
Doug Holt 22:47
I love it, man. I think it is for a lot of guys. Quick question has that piece gotten better after your Alpha Reset?
Christopher Hansen 22:56
The Alpha Reset gave me the opportunity to release a lot of stories. I came back from my Alpha Reset a much more confident version of myself. I felt more connected to me. I felt less influenced by other people’s stories and the things they were putting on me. It was like night and day the ability to just go, “No, that’s not for me. I know me, and I can anchor to that.”
Doug Holt 23:36
Most common thing. The second most common thing I hear is guys say, “I wish I would have done this before.” But another common one is, “I’m seeing the man I knew I could have become. I’m seeing the man in the mirror I knew I was immediately again.” Some guys are like, “There’s the 20-year-old version of me fast-forwarded into the 40-year-old wisdom.”
Christopher Hansen 23:59
For sure. I think most men feel like they’ve lost themselves at some point in their life. They had a taste of who they were authentically the fullest expression and then, whatever it is, we all as men tend to disconnect from that. I can tell you, I’ve never experienced anything better myself than being able to reconnect with that person at the age I am now, with that wisdom. It was the greatest gift ever. It’s like a dream come true, because for a long time it felt like that wasn’t possible.
Doug Holt 24:37
It’s so awesome seeing the men go through that, man. I mean, we’ve seen men this is going to sound like people aren’t going to believe me, but I’ll say it anyway, because it’s true we’ve seen men’s skin color change, their eye color change. That’s rare, but I’ve seen it happen a number of times. Almost every man looks demonstrably younger when they walk out of The Alpha Reset, because the stress and bullshit life puts on you just melts away. They realize, “Wait a minute, I don’t have to carry all this baggage.”
They don’t even realize they have the baggage. It’s like when someone loses weight. When I used to own a gym, I had a guy lose 25 pounds and he was just bitching and moaning. I can’t remember what it was about, so I pulled a trainer over. I said, “Here, give him 25 pounds and have him walk around with it again.” The trainer took him out to the track this was in Santa Barbara, at Santa Barbara City College and had him walk around the track holding a 25-pound weight plate, then strapped it to him and had him walk up the stadium stairs. The guy could barely make it. The trainer said, “This is what you were carrying around every day for over a decade. Now, I want you to start looking positively toward the progress you’re making.”
Christopher Hansen 25:57
For sure, and I can attest to the men I went through The Alpha Reset with. We have a group conversation going, and on a daily basis we’re connecting. The lives that have changed just in that small group of people are unbelievable. They look different. Their faces look different. They’re more vibrant. They look younger. Their eyes change. You can always say you can see a man’s soul in his eyes, and you see that soul coming through at the end of the reset.
Doug Holt 26:38
Makes me want to stare at
Christopher Hansen 26:40
You now, and you can just see it. You can see it. The first thing my wife said to me when I walked through the front door was, “Oh shit, you look younger. You look young and light.”
Doug Holt 26:55
Funny, because I’m running The Alpha Reset you’ll be assisting there coming up. It’ll be next week from when we’re recording this. Every time a guy asks a question, there’s always hesitation. “I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money. This isn’t the right time.” That’s the most common thing we hear from men. I always tell them, there’ll never be a good time to show up. And if you don’t believe me, post in the app and hundreds of men that have been through this program will tell you the same thing.
You don’t have to believe me. People think I say this because I have a stake in it. I don’t. I get paid a salary regardless of whether anybody shows up or not. I’m doing this because I love it. But if you don’t believe me, there are hundreds of guys out there with no skin in the game. They’ll just tell you their honest reviews. You can privately message them. They’ll get in front of a camera and give testimonials. Ask those guys. Ask them about their experience not only theirs, but the other men they were with. Everybody has different experiences, but the continuity across the board is transformational.
Christopher Hansen 28:13
For sure. I’d say to anybody listening to this, if you have stories coming up telling you to put this off or that now’s not the time, just invest in yourself. Let that go and take a step forward. I always tell people that every dollar they invest in themselves, they get back 10x. There’s not a better investment than stepping in and doing this work on yourself. 100%.
Doug Holt 28:49
Man, I mean, I’m literally living my dream literally living my dream. And it’s because I’ve invested in myself for so freaking long. I started at a very young age. I was either fortunate, desperate, or coincidence came along, listening to personal and business cassette tapes in my dad’s car. My parents separated when I was four, divorced when I was five. So when my dad was listening to business, I was listening to Jim Rohn and others. Luckily, he was interested in that stuff.
I’ve been doing this for a long ride. I’ve got a question for you I know we didn’t plan on talking about this, which is what I love about these conversations. So, as an advisor, I know we have guys who can’t get into The Alpha Reset we’re doing this week. This episode will air later. But I know we have The Alpha Reset we opened recently in the UK, coming up in September if I’m not mistaken. Is it possible for men to get into that one?
Christopher Hansen 29:56
If somebody’s listening to this, there are a number of ways they can get in touch with us. Absolutely.
Doug Holt 30:10
Okay. So people listening to this this isn’t scripted. We have roughly 36 people that work at TPM in the movement. I’m not attached to that side. I’m working on program design, coaching, and I’m still involved with the marketing team. So I’m guessing the best thing for them to do would be to email VIP@thepowerfulman.com.
Christopher Hansen 30:32
For sure. There are a number of ways they can get a hold of us. Emailing VIP@thepowerfulman.com is perfect. If somebody listening is in the TPM app, they can message me directly. My name is Christopher Hansen. I’m in the app. I think those are the two easiest ways.
Doug Holt 30:52
Perfect. We’ll just leave it at that two simple ways for men to do it. Guys, my life doesn’t change at all if you attend or not attend, but yours will. That’s the reality of it. I don’t go from eating Top Ramen to all of a sudden eating steaks. My life literally does not change. But I promise you, your life will. If you’re being called or interested in The Alpha Reset, don’t take my word for it. Don’t take Chris’s word for it. Ask any guy that’s been through the experience, and you’ll get the same thing over and over again from the men.
Awesome, man. Chris, I love this question. It’s so funny because I know Aaron I never call him Aaron. I want to call him by the name I call him by, but that would definitely identify him. I call him by his last name, so we can’t do that. But Aaron, thanks so much for the question, brother.b And I appreciate everything you’ve been doing for the movement, for yourself, for your family. It’s awesome to see your growth and that you continue to give back to other men. That’s one of the things that makes TPM so great once men get further down the road, they turn around and guide the men behind them. So there’s a constant group of elite men. These guys are business owners, high-functioning executives. They’re smart. They have great values, because they wouldn’t be here trying to save their marriages or themselves.
These are great guys. And then they turn around and try to better each other. So the competition becomes, “How can I lift up the men around me?” I don’t know if another environment like that exists. Maybe it does. I’d like to know about it if it did. But it’s just a very special thing. And Aaron plays a very special role as you do, Chris. Thank you so much for all you’re doing.
Christopher Hansen 32:57
Thank you, Doug.
Doug Holt 33:00
You got it, buddy. Guys, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. I love these conversations. I’d love to know if you like these. They’re unscripted. We’re grabbing questions you throw out. I know we go all over the place, but hopefully it’s interesting. It would really help me to know hey, is this useful to you? That’s the reason I do this.
I’m taking time away from my family. Colton, our producer, comes into the TPM ranch. Chris is leaving his family so we can provide this for you. I really want to hear from you. Wherever you’re watching or listening, if you subscribe or share it with another dude, that would mean a lot to me. We’re doing this to get the information out there.
We call TPM a movement because we believe it is. It’s a movement of men who are redefining what it means to be a man a masculine man. Getting away from “toxic masculinity.” That’s not what we’re about. We want to redefine what it means to be a real man having masculine tendencies and being a good thing. A protector. A provider. Someone who has emotions. Someone who loves. A lover. Someone who wants a partner, but also wants intimacy and closeness.
We want the whole thing. We want all the colors in the crayon box, so to speak. And we need your help to rewrite that story. Men have been getting a bad rap for a long time, and there are so many good men like Chris, like yourself out there doing great things, raising families, doing the best they can. We screw up absolutely. I screw up a lot. But I try my best not to, and I try to clean it up every time that I do. And I’m going to guess you’re probably one of those guys, too.
If you are, we invite you to join the movement. You don’t have to buy a program, but you do have to walk the walk and do the work on yourself. That’s the only requirement. Be a good man. Be a great man. Do the work. That’s all that’s required.
At TPM, we’d love to have you join our tribe. If you don’t want to, just do the work somewhere else do the work on yourself. We’ve put over a thousand of these episodes out there, and we’ll keep doing more. But it would mean a lot to me personally if you could leave a review or somehow let me know this is touching you, and that you’d like us to continue.
See you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
