Episode #1021
In this episode, Doug sits down with Erin to talk about what really happens in a relationship when a man feels stuck. Like he’s going through the motions, checked all the boxes, but still feels like something’s missing.
Erin shares a raw and honest look from the woman’s perspective. What it feels like to be partnered with a man who’s lost his drive, passion, or sense of purpose.
They dig into how that affects the marriage, the energy at home, and why it often pushes her into a role she doesn’t want to play. This isn’t about blame. It’s about seeing what’s really going on and choosing to change it.
Doug also breaks down how to shift out of that fog and start building real momentum again, in life and in your relationship.
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I was meant for more than this,” this one’s worth a listen.
If you’re ready to stop settling and start leading again, check out the free training at https://fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales. You’ll get a clear breakdown of where things went off track and how to get your power and marriage back on solid ground.
Hungry for more?
Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
If you you, you’re married to a man who’s kind of dead inside, if you would, or is not living to his potential. That’s not sexy, I’d imagine.
Erin Holt 0:07
No, it’s not sexy. But even deeper than that, it’s, it’s it’s sad, it’s exhausting. It’s like, kind of almost grieving, of like, you know, like, I know, you have more in you and your potential, but in your choosing not to access that part of yourself.
Doug Holt 0:31
Hey guys, do you ever feel stuck or just kind of unsure what your next step should be? Like life is kind of stagnant, or maybe you feel like you’ve been just really pushing on the gas, but the wheels are just spinning. Well, today I’ve asked Erin to join us and give us a woman’s point of view of what that’s like to be in relationship, to be married to a man going through that phase. And what I’m gonna do at the end of that is give you an opportunity. One thing that you can do that will actually get those tires moving in the direction that you want to go, babe. Thanks for being here.
Erin Holt 1:05
Love being here. Thanks for having me.
Doug Holt 1:07
I love the last episode that we did, and we coursed you into staying for another one, which is always a good idea. You know, our son is in the main ranch house. Darcy’s in there. So it’s got a good vibe going on.
Erin Holt 1:20
let’s do it.
Doug Holt 1:21
you know, one of the things I was thinking about, we have a program, as you know, called the ascension blueprint. And that program was actually the original program that the powerful man was based on. And the way I describe that program is, what it was designed to do is help men who, you know are stuck or just not sure within the next step, maybe they’ve lost their purpose, their passion, their mojo, if you will, relationship and marriage are good, or at least good enough. That’s not the primary focus for these guys. They’ve probably put their head down, worked their butts off, made some money, done the check the boxes, and they looked up, and they’re kind of like, now, what like I was promised this fulfillment and this great stuff. I’m in my late 30s, 40s, 50s, and I did the I did the things, but I feel like there’s something more I meant for more. Basically, first of all, do you have any clients or any girlfriends that have a husband or partner like that?
Erin Holt 2:29
Yes, yes, I do.
Doug Holt 2:31
Okay, cool. So I thought so, because I know some of them. What’s it like from a woman’s point of view to be in that situation where the marriage is good, okay, some it’s not, the marriage isn’t the massive issue, right? Like, there’s not divorce being talked about at that moment, at least, but you have a partner here that’s just kind of lost and wandering.
Erin Holt 2:54
Like, also want to be sensitive. Like, as women, we also know that, like, that’s a hard, that’s hard face to life to be in, and where you’re just like, like, I’ve done the things like you said, but I just, I don’t this it that’s gotta be more, right? That’s kind of the question. And it’s like, I what you’re looking for is more liveness, right. And just like, there has to be more super common and also to be in partnership with a man that is that phase, especially if it’s extended phase, is challenging, because we, first and foremost, we want to see our man happy and thriving, and if a lot of the time he’s in a place where he’s struggling and uncertain, which kind of leads to typical symptoms of like low energy, low motivation for taking care of self, or, you know, your whole vibe is just kind of Eeyore ish could be, right?
and that’s challenging to be in around, day in day out. It’s like we want our partners alive and alive and excited about our life and excited to be with us. And it’s really attractive to have somebody that’s lit up by their life and are in charge of that. And it’s like, if things aren’t working out, which will happen. I’ve been through those seasons. You have been through those seasons of transitions and ups and downs, and thought, were you on path A? But path A was not what we thought it was. And like course correcting, it’s going to happen, but also, and also being able to do it from like, Okay, this is a challenging season, and I’m going to take steps to support myself. I’m going to get a coach, I’m going to join a program, I’m going to sign up for the course to learn the skills so I can upgrade where I can go in the workforce, like you’re in motion and responsibility for, as you guys say, moving the needle right and like, that’s attractive. So it’s like, it’s not that you can never be down or never be in a hard phase. It’s just, if you live there.
Doug Holt 4:49
Me, I’ve always been growth oriented and very driven. So those are two things that I’ve always had in my favor, sometimes my Achilles heal too, especially the driven, growth oriented, not as much i. And it always makes me wonder when I talk to guys and I meet men, you know, social occasions, business or whatever it is, you can tell right away the guys that are lost and wandering like you can kind of sense it as a guy, you just know, there’s just signs. They’re always kind of a little depressed, a little bit down, they have the fake mask on, the fake smile, like, hey, everything’s great. They talk about very surface level stuff, and you can tell that they’re just they know that they’re meant for more. I also think there’s another guy out there who just thinks, Well, this is just the way it is. All right. I’m gonna live next 40 years just like this. And that’s really hard to be around, I’d imagine in any partnership, because this happens the other way too, right? That women get lost, have transitions. we’re obviously talking about men here, though, what I always find interesting like the ascension blueprint, right? That just again, I’m not trying to promote the program, per se, but it’s a step by step process, the blueprint on how to actually ascend to get above and beyond this but very few men actually take the steps to to overcome this obstacle. I even more so than the marriage. I think men are more willing to settle in this area of their life.
Erin Holt 6:18
and I was just like thinking about it as you were talking and what can happen, pretty common when that dynamic starts to happen, is that if you’re not kind of, if you’re not stepping up to your full potential in your life and in your marriage, and if you’re a father and you’re fathering, it’s like she has to fill that role. So then she is required to be in her masculine more to kind of to take charge and lead, to keep all the systems running in the home and in the family, and making sure finances. And that is where you actually start to feel more dead as a man. And you actually, as most men, if you’re listening to this podcast, particularly, you’re hungry, you want to feel alive. You’re want to do the work. You’re like, curious, your growth mindset, like, and you might just be lost, which is fine. And if you are staying stuck in that and expecting her to kind of almost, in a way, be your mom, like, that’s going to be a really hard dynamic on the marriage. And it’s not to put you down or anything. It’s just like looking at it from the whole picture of, if you’re not taking ownership for yourself, she has to
Doug Holt 7:27
and no guy wants to hear that, you know, no man wants to hear that their wife, that they’re a child or a burden to their partner or to their wife. You know, I always, I often use the analogy that when you get married your wife, and it goes both ways, right? But for the guys, your wife is looking not the man that she’s marrying, but the man that you are going could become, like she’s looking at the future investment, like, how is he gonna this guy gonna turn out, by the way, how’s it turned out for you?
Erin Holt 7:55
Pretty damn great.
Doug Holt 7:59
All right, pretty damn great. I’ll take that, because I don’t think I’m I’m living to my potential, right? I always feel like the goal post is always moving for me, you know. But we would have never thought 10 years ago that you and I would be here, you know. So it’s great, great that we’ve been able to share this information, save families, save marriages, save people. And then when I think about this thing, like this idea of getting your passion back all too often, men, specifically women, less so in my experience, they’re okay with just settling for average. They’re kind of like, well, I guess it’s just the way it’s going to be all right. Crack the six pack of beer and let’s watch the football game on Thursday night, on Saturday, on Sunday, and then maybe we’ll go golfing once a month, if we can get some guys to go out with and they’ll do that, and they’ll find themselves very lonely, without a lot of friends, without a lot of conversations, which then results, in my experience, a lot of these guys turn to complaining, Like that’s their way of communicating.
Erin Holt 9:02
I would imagine that would be pretty boring and tough, but seems like the fun thing to do in the moments.
Doug Holt 9:07
I don’t even think they think it’s fun. I still think they know, right? So we have a you, obviously you know that I’ve done the Complaint Free challenge many, many times with different groups of people, and that’s actually in So guys, if you are in the TPM app, you can search for Doug’s 1% better challenge. And the idea with that was I was gonna have different challenges all the time, but I started with the Complaint Free challenge. Complaint Free gossip, free challenge. I mean, Ian Spears buddy. He’s crushed it right multiple times, so shout out to him. He’s an amazing man. But what it does is it makes you think about what you’re thinking about, right the words that come out of your mouth. And so we had another batch of guys, because I promoted it into our the Gen, a different channel within the app to let guys know it existed. And a bunch of guys joined. They’re like, holy crap. I. Opening. I didn’t think I gossip or anything. I complain. It’s eye opening. And I turn this off when I’m at work or driving in the car. And the same thing can happen with a man who is delusional and not delusional, is disillusioned, and this can bleed over into the marriage, right? Because, again, as what you’re saying is from a woman’s perspective, if you you, you’re married to a man who’s kind of dead inside, if you would, or is not living to his potential. That’s not sexy, I’d imagine.
Erin Holt 10:27
No, it’s not sexy. But even deeper than that, it’s, it’s it’s sad, it’s exhausting. It’s like kind of almost grieving, of like, you know, like, I know, you have more in you and your potential, but in your choosing not to access that part of yourself. It’s mentally, emotionally, super taxing and exhausting. And it’s like, I say this to my clients all the time, and it’s like, I think we get caught up in like, yes, we want to build purpose in our life and build, you know, the business and the thing, or, you know, go to the top of your company, whatever it is that matters. And like, you’re the purpose. You are the purpose.
Doug Holt 11:04
Hey guys, I just want to share something with you. I’m sure we can both agree that in order to fix something, you need to know what’s broken. And not only need to know what’s broken, but a step by step methodology on how you can fix it. That’s the easiest way to do it right. Otherwise, you’re gonna be toiling with things. That’s why I created a free training, a training that not only shows you how you got to where you are, where your relationship is missing, that love, respect, admiration, and even intimacy that it used to have to how you get it back. How do you retain that where your wife’s looking at you the same way she used to look at you when she said, I do, you know, I don’t know about you, but for me, when my wife looks at me like I’m her man, that feel like I can conquer the world, and I want that for you, simply go over to the powerful man.com. Forward slash scales. That’s the powerful man.com. Forward slash scales, and I have a free video training for you. You You can just click play and see if this resonates for you. Now, back to the podcast.
Erin Holt 12:05
If you are in a place where you’re feeling really low, like it’s your job to be able to be like, Hey, I get to make some changes here. What I’m doing isn’t working or what it worked a decade ago. For your example of like, drinking beers and watching sports all weekend. Maybe that’s actually not filling me anymore at this certain stage of life. That really worked well, I’ve outgrown myself, so it’s time to update my my the way I operate and relate to myself and like you’re the purpose. Like you feeling good. And I always say to my women, I’m like, your frequency is your superpower. So if your frequency is when, when you’re operating honestly at a pretty low level of life, like you’re gonna experience a pretty low level of life. And it’s like when you start to upgrade yourself, like you’re upgrading your energy, your frequency, and you’re gonna experience yourself first, and then the rest of the people in your life, in the world, at a very different way, and see possibilities in a way whereas before it was more complaints. So it’s like, I just fully believe, like, with my coaching and I know what you guys do, like you are the purpose and your frequencies are superpower, and we’re like, we’re meant to feel alive.
Doug Holt 13:08
I love that. I’ve I’ve outgrown myself. Yep, outgrown myself. I like that a lot. That’s a good bumper sticker type comment.
Erin Holt 13:17
It’s like, I’ve outgrown the way I’m living. Because it actually feels worse. I feel worse when I keep doing what I’m doing and I’m creating results that I don’t feel good, I don’t like,
Doug Holt 13:27
so we have the five territories at TPN that you’re aware of. So self, health, wealth, relationships and business. I like it because it flows that way. Self is always number one, right? If you got to take care of yourself and fill your cup first, but it’s also the first one guys will let go.
Erin Holt 13:44
Sure, that sexy. it’s so sexy.
Doug Holt 13:49
Well, here’s the thing, right? So for me, when we did the ascension blueprint, right, what would happen, inevitably is men’s relationships get better. But that wasn’t the major issue, their businesses would grow, right? Because all men forget this, and women do too. Leaders forget this, that your business only grows to the extent that the leader has developed. Right? That’s been my experience when I’ve consulted or run companies, that company, when I’m running the company, it only grows as as fast or as high as my level is, right? So it hits the ceiling of the leader. And so when you take care of yourself and fill your self cup up, your business grows, your relationships grow. Generally speaking, your health gets better, yep, and your spirituality, your wealth, your abundance, all of those things come in. It’s a really good tipping point for guys to come through and your your home gets better, right? When you light, get lighter. That’s a guy’s coming from The Alpha Reset, right? The four day transformational experience we get, they come home so much lighter. One guy asked me, he’s like, I he’s like, Can I do this? Like, once a year? I’m like, well, a lot of guys try. We only have a limited availability. but you’re if you’re constantly outgrowing yourself, you always need to up level, right? That’s why you and I always get coaches and coaching and are doing coaching programs ourselves. Is I want to look back some 48 today, when I’m 49 I want to laugh at the 48 version of myself in a fun way, because I’ve gotten so much better, and then when I’m 50, I want to laugh at the 49 year old version of me, because I’ve gotten so much better wiser, you know, I’ve got more experience in this world.
That’s what I want. And the reason I bring that up is I think a lot of guys get complacent, or they try to look for their purpose, and they’re looking for that immovable thing, right, rather than realizing, Hey, I get to find me first, and then my purpose will come. And purpose can last for a day, a week, a month, a year or a lifetime. You never know. So when I think about this, and I think about a program like the extension ascension blueprint that we’re rolling back out within TPM. I think of how many men out there are just lost, living in lives of quiet desperation, looking for connection, looking for that thing inside like the way I describe it to men is when you look yourself in the mirror and you know you’re meant for something better. That’s when you sign up for the ascension blueprint. when you’re hungry, when you’re hungry and you’re ready. Yep, awesome. Thanks so much, as always, for giving us the woman’s perspective, of course, for all you do for me and our family and for the movement couldn’t do without you. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. Gentlemen, as I said, in the moment of insight, take massive action, and guys, we are rolling out the ascension blueprint.
Yes, I’m telling you about it. I don’t talk about our programs very much on the TPM show, but we have a program rolling out right now. We have a group that is formed right now. We have, I think, as of right now, at least, I haven’t checked this morning, so as of yesterday, we have six spots available. So if you are interested in getting unstuck, getting clear again, the ascension blueprint might be something for you, all you have to do is email VIP at the powerful man.com mention the ascension blueprint and they’ll get you information. Apologies in advance if that group fills up. But I’d act now. I truly would and start living your life. Look, you deserve more than just average. I say that a lot, but it’s true. You deserve greatness. The Ascension blueprint is a blueprint. It is a pathway for you to go step by step and get your mojo back and find that man you’ve been looking for. And it also ends in a retreat. And the retreat is The Alpha Reset, the one that we talk about often on the show, because it is transformative. And you’ll go back and get more coaching and more guidance so you don’t get stuck, right? You keep moving forward. You don’t have to hit the gas and have the wheels spinning, guys, when you hit the gas, you should be rocking and rolling. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
