Episode #1049
If you’re the kind of guy who puts everyone else first and leaves yourself last, this episode will hit home. Doug and Chris unpack why self care isn’t optional if you want to lead well at home, in business, and in life. This isn’t about pampering yourself. It’s about learning how to consistently show up as the grounded, confident man your family needs.
They walk through how putting yourself last often leads to burnout, resentment, and a quiet victim mindset. You think you’re doing the right thing by pushing through and putting others first, but over time it starts to wear you down. And your wife, your kids, your team—they feel it too.
You’ll hear personal stories and examples of what real self care looks like for high performing men. From simple shifts like lifting weights or taking time to reset, to understanding how your wife views your self investment as a signal of leadership. This is about setting a new standard and leading by example.
If you’re tired of running on empty or just know you’re capable of showing up better, this is your call to take action.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
Our wives invested in us. They also are watching the other men. There was a victim mentality, which I hate admitting, but it’s the truth. You know, I was playing the victim card.
Christopher Hansen 0:11
I come out of that experience feeling way, way better about myself.
Doug Holt 0:15
What they are saying is, you are not doing what I want you to do. So really, this selfishness is helping everybody else the most. And saying something is one thing doing it is a whole different ball game.
Doug Holt 0:40
What’s up, guys, welcome back to another episode of The TPM Show. I’m your host, Doug Holt father, husband, and someone who’s been mentoring and advising high-performing men just like you for over two decades now. This show is my resource for you to share our knowledge and have conversations that matter. And today we’re actually going to talk about self-care. Now look, I know self-care isn’t sexy on the outside, but what we’re going to talk about is why do women find it sexy when us men do self-care?
And I hear this consistently. My wife she coaches women. She coaches women probably like your partner, your wife. And these women talk about it all the time, boys. So we’re going to talk about that not only why it’s sexy, but what you can be doing to better yourself. Chris, thanks for being here, man.
Christopher Hansen 1:49
Thanks for having me, Doug. I love this topic for so many reasons. In fact, we were talking off camera about this, and my wife was talking the other day with a couple of her girlfriends about how the husbands getting together, exercising, and doing stuff they’re finding it very, very sexy, as they said. Absolutely. For me, it’s been similar recently. You and I have been working out a lot lately, and since moving to Oregon, that’s really been the routine that I’ve needed to get myself into. And my wife comments on it on a regular basis.
And I find myself walking around the house with no shirt on intentionally. Like, “Check this out, take some of this validation.” But I mean, self-care I think for men, oftentimes, it’s been a low priority. For me, historically, it’s been a low priority. And I think for some men, there’s even a story around like, “Why is that even important? I’m just a guy.” But I think self-care runs really, really deep for men.
For me, my experience has been that I put myself at the bottom of the priority list. I make sure that everybody else has what they need, and whatever’s left cool, I’ll take the crumbs. And I think there’s a mindset piece in that that I had to shift for myself. So for me, self-care is really about identifying what makes me feel good about myself and then pouring into that. And going to the gym is an easy one because, one, mentally, it’s really good for my mental health. Two, it compounds over time so physically, I look good, it builds confidence. And then my wife feels that. It’s not just about how I look, but about how I feel about myself and that I carry that with me everywhere that I go, definitely into my relationship.
Doug Holt 3:42
I couldn’t agree more. I want to talk first about kind of the way it was, okay? So for me, very similar to you, I would give myself the scraps. And I think most high-performing men do the same thing. At TPM, the initial phase is the Five Territories that we teach: Self what we’re talking about now Health, Wealth, Relationships, and Business. For most men, they put Business as number one, right? Then Wealth, probably number two, maybe Relationships or Health number three, flip-flopped, and Self at the end.
We flip that over for the guys. So here’s a you know, giving it away, guys right now we actually have you work on yourself first. And the reason being is for a lot of things, right? One is, when you get on a plane I’m going to get on a plane here in about a week, I think you’re driving but we’re both going down to the next Brotherhood Retreat, and I’m going to the Inner Circle Retreat.
And when you get on there, you always have the safety talks. And if you’re like me, you have your headphones on, you’re not listening to it because you’ve been on a plane a thousand times. You get it, right? You’re going to find the exit nearest you. Not a problem, I’ll get there. In case of a water landing I call that a crash, we’re not landing in water they always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. And it amazes me that some people miss this.
Why do you do it for yourself first? It’s so you don’t pass out. If you pass out, you’re useless to everybody. But if I put the oxygen mask on myself and I can breathe, then I can help other people putting their mask on, helping with injuries, whatever else it is. Life’s not different. I didn’t get this. I thought my job was to protect and provide protect physically, provide financially. And so I grinded it out. Man, I was working my ass off providing, providing, providing.
And then what happened, inevitably hindsight is 20/20 was I would be so depleted. I would work my ass off, then a friend would call, like, “Hey bro, can you help me move the refrigerator?” “Oh, okay, I’ll be over there, no problem.” Move the refrigerator, help him out. Cool. Go back home. Wife needs help. Yep, do it. Crash out. Do it again and again. And then I’d become so depleted, Chris, that eventually I would have nothing left. And then I’d have this victim mentality and resentment would pop up.
“Where’s everybody to help me? I need some help too. Where’s everybody else? I’m sick now because I’ve run myself into the ground. I’m tired. Can’t somebody bring me breakfast?” All these stories. I’d tell myself the story, “Well, they wouldn’t have this house without me. Why shouldn’t they be taking care of me so I can provide more?” There was a victim mentality, which I hate admitting, but it’s the truth. I was playing the victim card. And the self-care stuff was in the back corner, right? It was like, “I don’t need to do that.” Get massages or do whatever filled me up came last, unless it was sports. For some reason, I would find time to play sports, and that was my outlet back then. But other than that, I just wouldn’t do it.
Christopher Hansen 7:15
And I mean, life has a funny way of continuously feeding you what you’re willing to take, right? So that cycle doesn’t stop until you’re willing to actually give yourself what you need. Like, you almost have to fight back against it to some degree and just go, “I’m gonna choose.” I’ve been deep down that hole and had to, at times, force myself to go, “I’m going to choose to go do this thing.” Even when I sometimes don’t even know what I want, right? But I know that if I go do this thing, it’s a move in the right direction. And I think massage is a really good example because that’s one of those things for me that if I choose to go do that, I know I’m going to feel better. Like, there’s no question it’s nothing but positive.
Doug Holt 8:04
But I bet there’s a stage that you felt guilty about it.
Christopher Hansen 8:07
100%. Just felt weird about doing it, or whatever the story was that I shouldn’t invest money in that thing for whatever reason, right? And universally, I’ve found and I tell everybody this that every dollar that you invest in yourself, you get back tenfold. And that’s been my experience absolutely. Whether it’s a massage, going to the gym every day, going to the barber that was a big thing for me. Before I moved here, I don’t have hair, right? I cut my own hair, shave my own head, and I usually have a beard, and I’d just trim it myself.
I actually started going to the barber to get my beard done and have him shave my head every week. And it costs money, right? It was like 40–50 bucks to go see this guy. But it was such a great experience. I would walk out of there, I’d feel good about myself. I would connect with him he was a super cool guy. Developed a relationship with him. When I went back to Columbus a couple weeks ago, I made it a point to go see him, have an appointment, and connect with this guy I’d built a relationship with over time. So just little stuff like that. I walked out of that appointment feeling really good about myself, connecting with a friend, and like wow, it just felt good.
Doug Holt 9:36
I love that on so many levels, man, because like, I shave my own beard, and I’m like, “Ah, man, it’s crooked a little, Garrison.” And there are times where I’ve gone to professional barbers, and it’s a whole different thing. Like, I spend a half hour on my beard, he’s looking at it from different angles. I’m like, “Damn.” I’m like, “Eh, it’s close enough.”
But I love the fact that you developed a relationship with a guy, right? As men, it’s very rare especially when you reach your 30s, 40s, 50s to have the ability and be in a position to meet new friends. Women do it. My wife worked so when we moved here to Sisters, Oregon, she was all about community. And she, to her credit, busted her butt to meet people, go out there. Most men just don’t do that, right? We go to work, we come home. Go to work, come home.
We’re lucky if maybe we live in the same town we grew up in. But then you have these friends for most men, they’re what I call the “remember-when” friends, where you’re reliving your high school glory days. Nothing’s changed. And then listening to a show like this, you’ve changed, right? So you’ve probably outgrown your friend group. And where do you find those other people?
So it’s awesome that you meet this barber, you develop a friendship with him so much so that when you come into town, and I know you’re a very sociable guy and a great guy, so you probably have 100 people that want to hang out with you and you get to pick 10, and one of the people you picked was the barber.
Christopher Hansen 11:08
And the look on his face when I walked in it was cool. I hadn’t seen him in a year, and you know, he’s my barber at the end of the day, right? Not somebody that I’ve been friends with for years or something. Instantly remembered me. Was excited to see me. It was just it was a super positive experience. So my point in that is just little stuff like that is what can build those positive experiences for yourself and give you confidence.
Doug Holt 11:34
A lot of men in the movement share these things. So you can imagine we call it the movement but as you know, Chris, we have a private community. We invested, we have our own app. In fact, what I’m going to do, Chris I didn’t do this last episode before but when we do the free book giveaway, anybody that gets the book, I’m going to invite them into the app where I’m going to do some live trainings for them.
And I share all that just because guys in the app and other groups we have a lot of private groups, as you can imagine and they’re sharing things. And all of a sudden, one guy goes, “Hey, I started buying this clothing box, like one of those things they ship you a new outfit every month.” And a bunch of guys started doing it. And it wasn’t about the clothes it was just that they were doing a little thing to take care of themselves. And their wives noticed 100%.
Right? Let’s go into why the wives care. So do you invest in the stock market at all?
Christopher Hansen 12:40
A little bit.
Doug Holt 12:41
Okay, so when you invest in the stock market, are you looking for stocks that you think are going to go up in value, or are you looking for ones that are going to flatline or ones that are going to go down?
Christopher Hansen
I want them to go in the direction that I want them to go, which is typically up.
Doug Holt
I’d imagine so any sane person. And if you could do a hockey-stick growth, better, right? Our wives invested in us. They invested in our stock, just as we did theirs. And so when a man is doing self-care taking care of himself he’s effectively raising his value in her eyes. So you and I, we work out at the gym or in my garage; I converted the garage to a gym we’ll do it four days a week on average, depending on schedules and travel. Each time we do that, our wives are seeing our value rise.
And that’s just one thing. So you have the physical, the mental, the social. You and I have great at least for me great conversations while we’re working out. So, so many components to that going forward. And so our stock is rising. Now, they’re not dumb either. Women are extremely perceptive and smart. And neither of us married a dumb woman, right? We have very headstrong women who challenge us and make us better.
They also are watching the other men in the community and the other wives are watching all the other men. So they’re seeing the other husbands’ stocks going down, flatlining, or going up. And their girlfriends are seeing their husbands or us our stocks rising. So they see that delta between them. Not that it’s competitive, but this is in the perception of women I’ve talked to.
They’re like, “My husband doesn’t work out.” So much so and I told you this on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6 in the morning, I open up the garage, go out there and do my workout. And two of the husbands of the wives that work out with my wife are starting to come in because there’s such a discrepancy. The wives are getting in such great shape, and these guys are flatlining, and the wives are seeing you and I working out in there, and they’re going, “Hmm… we’re getting better. Doug and Chris are getting better. Where are our men?”
Christopher Hansen 14:44
I would say so. Just to share an anecdote about my relationship personally I really started focusing on my own personal development about eight years ago, something along those lines. And it changed everything. Changed my entire life. But one of the things that I always love hearing this from my wife we would go out into some sort of social situation. It may be with friends, may just be to dinner, whatever it is, but it’s a setting where she is seeing other men in whatever way.
And the feedback that I started to get from her on a regular basis was, “I’m so glad that I married you.” Like, just what’s the best thing any man can hear, right? Come on. And I wasn’t getting that feedback before. There was a different version of me that was definitely not getting that feedback from her. But that all stemmed from just work that I had done on myself. I started to take care of myself emotionally, physically and I mean, there’s nothing better than that. Coming home from a night out and going, “We just sat at a table with ten other men, and I am so happy I’m married to you.”
Doug Holt 15:59
And that’s what personal development is self-care. Right? I want to touch on that, but first, I want to go back. So, the reason I brought up getting men into the app for free so guys can get in guys, listen to this: if you’re not in the TPM community, you can get into the app. Go to thepowerfulman.com/freebook. I’ll give you the book for free, no problem there. You just pay the shipping.
You’ll be in your own private community, so you won’t see the other communities in there. However, I invited those guys to a free training was it yesterday? And I did that. We had 40-some men in there. And the free training that I did one of the guys asked a question. He said, “Hey, when is self-care or taking care of myself just becoming selfish?”
I thought that was a really good question, and one we get a lot. We had a version of that earlier the feeling of guilt. Do you feel guilty if you’re taking care of yourself? If you come home and instead of sitting on the couch with your wife and your kids, you go read a book, or go for a walk, or go work out with some friends, whatever it may be and most men feel guilty around it.
And so I want to bust that myth, if I can. First and foremost, you’re raising your value for yourself, for your wife, and for your family. That’s a good thing. Your kids seeing you take care of yourself they’re going to grow up as young men and women taking care of themselves. And as a father, that’s important to me, and I know as a father that’s important to you, Chris.
Your wife it’s good for her, right? You’re adding value. But what I realized pretty young in my journey and I was doing personal development, reading business books in high school. I was a weird kid. I was a jock that read business books. And personal development it’s so funny, man. I do go back and talk to my friends back then. Like, in middle school, you were talking about The 90-Minute Hour. Shoot, I still use that today.
But anyway, when someone says you’re being selfish, right and if anybody’s listening to this, think back to the last time someone called you selfish what they are saying is, “You are not doing what I want you to do.” You’re not doing what I want you to do, so therefore you’re selfish which is really the most selfish thing to say, right?
You’re doing what you want to do, and that’s what a man does. That’s what a leader does. And the guys listening to this are great men. They’re not jerks. They’re not doing something to hurt somebody. They’re doing what they think is best in that moment in time. And if somebody’s saying that you’re being selfish, really, they’re trying to control you.
Christopher Hansen 18:39
It’s been a big paradigm shift for me personally having to just be okay with that in multiple relationships in my life. Because it can be hard to hear that and to choose yourself through the guilt, through whatever it is that you’re feeling, whatever resistance or whoever may be saying those things to you. But at the end of the day, I want to show…
Doug Holt 19:06
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There’s no fluff, no BS it’s an action plan that you can start using today to actually save your marriage and bring that love and respect back into your family, back into your house. You deserve it. Look, all I ask is you pay the postage. You pay the shipping. I’ll buy the book for you that way you can take massive action today. Click the link or find it in the bio and get your copy now.
Christopher Hansen 20:00
And I’m speaking very specifically to my son in this moment my daughter as well, but she’s a little younger but to my son, who I oftentimes see choose other people ahead of him, I want to set that example for him. That, no, you get to choose you, and that is it’s just the example that I want to set.
Doug Holt 20:23
It is. I mean, we go back to I fly out in a week to the Napa Valley area, Sonoma, and we’re doing a whole retreat on legacy. You are leaving a legacy. Men, you listening to this you’re leaving a legacy. It may not be a conscious legacy. Your dad left a legacy. Your mom left a legacy. Your grandfather left a legacy. Is it the one that they wanted to leave?
Now you for your son, for Noah you’re leaving a legacy, by example. And kids are watching all the time. Wives are watching all the time. And saying something is one thing doing it is a whole different ball game. Absolutely good on you, man. When we look at this idea of self-care, it can look so many different ways.
Your Alpha Rise and Shine that’s self-care. You’re setting the day up rather than reacting to it. And a lot of people talk about morning routines, but the Alpha Rise and Shine is a very specific one for high-performing men that we’ve battle-tested over the years. So it’s been a decade that we’ve been doing it with men. We also have the Alpha Decompression, which is one I don’t hear people talk about as much. And for high-performing men, this is critical it’s how do you get yourself in a state that, when you come home, you are present.
You’re the CFO the Chief Fun Officer. And that starts with self-care. Really, that selfish self-care allows you to show up as the best man for your wife, the best man for your child, and the best man for yourself. So really, this “selfishness” is helping everybody else the most.
Christopher Hansen 21:59
And really, anything that we talk about decompression that’s a huge one for me. I have a process that I go through when I step away from work at the end of the day, so I’m showing up, as we like to call it, the Chief Fun Officer. I’ve never really thought about that as self-care, but at the end of the day, it absolutely is.
Doug Holt 22:28
Well, you’ve got to take care of yourself. I mean, you’re decompressing. You’re allowing your central nervous system to calm down that’s what you’re doing. And you’re resetting your intention, right? Your intention gets your attention.
Christopher Hansen 22:40
Absolutely. So I’m curious for you I have a list of things that I’ve set up for myself that I would consider self-care. What are, like, the top two or three for you?
Doug Holt 22:53
Working out is the domino for me. Weightlifting, in particular that’s the big domino. Obviously, you’ve seen me when we’ve worked out, and I’m like, “Hey, we’re listening to metal today.” I know it’s not your genre, but we’re listening to heavy metal because I’m pissed. That just allows me to get through so many emotions anger, excitement, whatever it is. That’s the number one thing for me.
Outside of that, I have a laundry list. I actually have an Excel spreadsheet because I’ve been doing morning routines for over two decades now. So I’ve honed it into a good, better, best model. So much so that I showed it to who just became one of our coaches Arthur Malinitri (love saying that last name), and he was just like, “Holy cow.” He said, “Send that over to me.”
Another thing that’s really good for me is sauna or cold plunge. I have both a cold plunge and an infrared sauna in my basement. I’ll do them both, or sometimes just one or the other. So I’m gonna combine those, since you asked for three. And then, gosh, for the other self-care: walks. Walks by myself. Mostly by myself, sometimes with my wife or a good friend. Just going for a walk. You know, I always say after we work out, “Hey, let’s just I’m gonna go do a cool down. You want to go for a walk?” I like walking. I’m a very kinetic person. I don’t like sitting down. I fidget a lot when I do sit down. So being kinetic is good for me and it’s good for my soul.
Christopher Hansen 24:24
I love that. How about you? Working out is at the top of that list lifting weights. There’s such a, for me, truly mental health aspect to just working out. I’ve had days where it’s like, as long as I do that, then I’m okay with everything else that happens every day. So I would put that at the top of the list as well. Cold plunge is up there. I don’t have a cold plunge, so I don’t do it as often as I’d like to. There are rivers here in Sisters that make it really accessible to go cold plunge, and I’ve done that several times here in town and up in the mountains.
And that one is huge because it’s such a reset for everything. So I would say cold or heat exposure is definitely a good one. This one’s interesting for me because I don’t like to do it but it is really helpful and that’s reading. I’m a listener. I’ll listen to videos all day long, audio books, podcasts, all of that, and take in information.
But I’ve found that if I shut my phone off it’s almost too much. It almost deregulates me, having something constantly playing. So if I shut my phone off and give myself a break from all technology TV, whatever even turn the Wi-Fi off in the house (because that definitely has an impact on things) and sit down and force myself to read, even if it’s just 10 pages, I come out of that experience feeling way, way better about myself.
Doug Holt 26:10
That’s awesome. That’s good to know, man. It’s about knowing yourself and a lot of guys don’t, right? So I know when I first started focusing on the category of self, I approached it like business. Like, “Okay, I’m going to snowboard every week,” because I moved up here one time that was one of my self goals: snowboarding every week. I lived at the base of Mount Bachelor the last residential area before you get there. I had a lifestyle where I owned two remote businesses and I was coaching, so I had a very flexible schedule Sprinter van, the whole thing.
I’d drive up there, hit the slopes a couple times a week, work from the van, work from the lounge up there. But I noticed that I was starting to do it like I was checking a box rather than what I wanted to do. And what I found and like a lot of people because I’ve been advising people for a long time a lot of times what I’m working through, other men are working through. So I started asking men, “Hey, what is it you do for self-care?”
And guys couldn’t answer the question. So what I found is: just try a lot of things. I was talking to one man he’s like, “Oh, float tanks. That’s the best thing for me. I love it.” We have a coach here right now because we’re doing The Rising, which is one of our longer immersion events for men who’ve been in the program for two years they get the opportunity to go. It’s an amazing program.
He loves float tanks. I don’t. I tried three or four times. I’m like, “It’s just not my thing.” Trying to force myself to like it. But the point is, you have to keep trying stuff massage, float tanks, walks, cold plunges, saunas, working out. Is it weights? Is it yoga? What is it for you? And I think for a lot of the men listening, they’ve lacked self-care for so long that they’ve forgotten or they don’t know what it is they like.
For me, it was a huge transition. I played soccer semi-competitively until I was like 38. Moved up here to Bend, Oregon, and I didn’t have that. I’m like, “Uh, that’s what I did.” I played beach volleyball it was all sports, right? Beach volleyball was my outlet. Soccer, basketball. Then I moved up here and didn’t know anybody there weren’t pickup games. All of a sudden there’s winter here. Like, “You could do this 365 days a year.” We wouldn’t do it if it sprinkled that’s too much.
So I had to really adapt and try to figure out the next thing and snowboarding was something else. But the key is trying new things. And it’s okay not to like it. It’s okay to hear a bunch of people say, “Oh, float tanks are the best thing ever.” I almost bought a float tank. I thought, “Okay, I’ll just make it more convenient for myself.”
And they’re not cheap so it would’ve been a huge investment. And I’m so glad that I just started going and forcing myself to experience it and allowing myself to be okay with, “This sucks for me.” And it’s great for everybody else, it seems but for me, this sucks. I do not like this. And that’s okay.
I was like, “Oh, maybe I just need to rest my mind and do breath work.” No. I love breath work I can calm my mind in so many other different ways. This is not for Doug. And it’s great for everybody else. So let’s go on and figure out the next thing.
Christopher Hansen 29:38
I love that. And I agree the trying. I’ve definitely been in the place of going, “Oh, I have time to go do something that I like, and I have no idea what I like.”
Doug Holt 29:50
A lot of us are like that, right?
Christopher Hansen 29:53
And that’s kind of a tough spot to be in. Typically, what I would do in those situations that would work because I know that I’m going to get something done or there’s value to be added there I can just go spend my time working, and I get rewarded for that.
Doug Holt 30:12
I think that’s okay sometimes, though, right? I mean, I’ll have sorry to interrupt you but sometimes I’ll have this odd amount of time on my schedule that’s like, “Oh, the kids are getting home, I’ve got 45 minutes.” My story I tell myself is, if I knock out some work, that frees up my time to spend with the kids or to go do something fun like when we played pickleball that one time, you know? That was a blast.
Christopher Hansen 30:40
For sure. I don’t think there’s anything necessarily bad about that at all jumping in and getting work done and prioritizing your time. Where I would get caught up is I wouldn’t be doing anything for myself, really, ever, because I didn’t know what to do. So I kind of just had to force myself, at times, to go do something even if it’s just going for a drive. I actually really like driving with no radio on, nothing at all, by myself. Because it occupies my mind since I’m driving, and it gives me space to process and to think through things and just kind of center myself. So even something like that just like, “I don’t know what to do, I’m gonna go for a 20-minute drive and come back.” And I’d think, “Oh, I feel much more aligned.”
Doug Holt 31:29
You’ll love this. I was picking up the kids I take, as you know, my son Bodie and his best friend to Bend for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu twice a week. It’s about a 35–40 minute drive one way, which is so funny to look at other people’s faces when they hear that. But for us, it’s just what we do. I had a phone call, got my blood drawn, and then had an hour between. I was like, “Crap, I’m right by the school.” So what do I do? Do I drive home, which is a 15-minute drive there, spend 30 minutes, and drive back?
So, behind the school you know where the frisbee golf course is? In Sisters, the middle school, elementary school, and high school are all right next to each other. Behind there is national forest. So I drove through there and just looked for a random dirt road, pulled off, and started driving. And I got into some sketchy areas trees falling down. It was I had a blast.
Christopher Hansen 32:29
How long ago was this?
Doug Holt
This was three weeks ago.
Christopher Hansen
I did the exact same thing last weekend! I’m like, “I’m gonna go for a drive.” Same area. Ended up in a spot where I was like, “I hope that I’m gonna be able to get out of this.”
Doug Holt 32:40
I did, man. I had to do like an Austin Powers 80-point turn because I came through a road I’m like, “This is a road for, like, an old fire truck or maybe an ATV.” I got back there it was beautiful. And then I turned the corner and there was a fallen tree. I was like, “Oh, wow, how am I gonna back out of this thing?” Because I’d been a half hour into it, and I’ve got to be at the school in a half hour to pick up these kids. “What happens if I pop a tire?”
Christopher Hansen 33:08
I was having the same thoughts. It’s amazing, because we live in such a beautiful place just, you know, that’s five minutes from my house that you can go explore something up in the mountains like that. Yes, but total self-care.
Doug Holt 33:23
Right. Self-care adventure. You don’t know what’s gonna happen, so you have some uncertainty mixed in. It was awesome. I’m like, “Man, I didn’t bring my radio. No cell service. This is gonna be like a four-hour walk out of here. Let’s see how many bears and mountain lions I can play tag with.” Because you’re not gonna see a soul. I didn’t see one person the whole time. But those are the kinds of self-care things that we as men can do. Some guys just like to drive go for a drive, like you said. Go for a walk. But do something.
The most important thing, I think, Chris, that you can do is surround yourself with a group of men. And so for the guys listening to this if you’re in the community right now and you’re like, “Okay, well, I’m not sure what to do,” post that in the community and ask, “Hey guys, what do you do for self-care?” And you’re going to get hundreds of unique responses. And just start picking them. “Oh, that one sounds good. Oh, I didn’t think of that.” Pick that and try it.
You never know maybe something out of left field that you’ve never thought of could be your thing. And your self-care can include your family, it can include your friends, it can include your wife. We have guys in the movement who are great country line dancers or whatever and great! That’s your thing. That fills your cup, and your wife can go do it with you. If she doesn’t want to go do it, you’ll find somebody to dance with, I guarantee. So you can really do a little bit of everything in there.
And that’s part of what we talk about in the Live Like a King system in TPM. So as I said, Chris, we’re on a mission. We’re on a mission to save the children by helping their dads first. And so I’m gonna give away a copy of the book for free and I’ve talked about this on previous podcasts. We’ve been doing it for a while, and a lot of the guys listening have taken advantage of it. Guys, thank you for your feedback. You guys that leave reviews on Amazon thank you, man, it means the world to me. We put a lot of time and effort into this. Please understand that I literally buy like 100 books at a time from Amazon, ship them to my house which is ironic and then I turn around and ship them out to you guys.
I just ask that you pay the shipping, which is like a Starbucks coffee-type thing. We only ship to the U.S. right now, only because we had problems internationally. And literally, I’m shipping them and Levi, a guy that works here we’re shipping them. We’re doing our best. So go to thepowerfulman.com/freebook to pick up your copy. Alongside that, what I’m doing is letting guys into the app, into the community, into a very private room we’ve got to protect the other men in our other programs, so I hope you understand that. And I’m also doing almost well, my plan is every week, except for when I’m on a trip I’m doing free trainings. Free trainings for the guys Ask Me Anythings where you can get your questions answered and really get high value.
I spend most of my time, as Chris knows, on one-on-one coaching. Coaching with me is $250,000 a year it’s unattainable for most people, I get that. This is my way to give back. I wrote it all down in a book. I’m gonna give that away for free. I’m gonna do trainings for free. So use this as your opportunity, guys you do not have excuses anymore. I’ve done my best. Guys say, “I don’t have time.” Cool. Show up to a call they’re 45 minutes to an hour.
“I don’t have the money.” Cool. If you can buy a coffee or put gas in your car, you can pay the shipping. I’ll do the manual labor of putting the book in an envelope and shipping it to your home or business, whatever it is for you. I’m really trying to help as many people as possible. If you’re serious, and you’re like, “You know what? I want to make the changes that the men in the testimonials men just like me have made,” then talk to one of our program advisors, a guy like Chris. That’s what Chris does he gets on the phone and interviews guys: “Hey, is this a good fit for you?”
Whatever you do, you’ve got to take action. You’ve just got to do something. Because at this point, after 1,000 episodes, I don’t know how many more resources we can give away. I’ve done everything I can to eliminate the old Doug 1.0 excuses like, what were my excuses for not taking action faster?
So we’re doing our best here, guys. Chris, thanks for all that you do with the movement as a program advisor, making sure guys get into the right program that’s right for them. Most men because we don’t talk about it we’ve got a ton of programs that go outside the marriage, right, that handle all five territories that we work with. So gentlemen, as I say, in the moment of insight take massive action.
What that means is, do something, whatever it is. If you’re not going to get the book, that’s cool but do something to fill your cup. That’s what we’re talking about here. Do something that makes you happy. Do something that makes you a better man that inspires you. Maybe it’s painting, maybe it’s dancing, maybe it’s working out. I don’t know what it is for you, but you’ve got to pick it, and you’ve got to do it. Don’t go from podcast to podcast.
If you’re in the car driving right now, if you’re watching us on YouTube, if you’re on the treadmill at the gym whatever it is you’re doing while listening to this stop this episode and go do something. Get the book, fill your cup, do something now. In that moment of inspiration, when you take that action, it’s going to snowball. That action is going to lead to another action, which is going to lead to another, which will lead to a better life for you and those around you.
We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
