Revisit: The #1 Mistake Men Make

Episode #175

There are 5 territories of your life that when prioritized correctly will lead to success in everything you do. The 5 territories include self, health, wealth and relationships, and business.

The number one mistake men make is prioritizing business as our foundational territory. This is common as we are taught that as men we should provide for our family. We hustle to make money in order to provide but we often forget that we should also provide emotionally.

While we are so focused on our first priority – business – we seldom make time for our loved ones because often times we have no energy left.

We also forget to take care of ourselves, our health is often taken for granted because we fail to turn off from the hustle that we give our business.

In this episode, we dive deep into society’s definition of how to be a man and what it looks like to create our OWN identity by investing in things that could improve our self, our health, and our relationships.

What you will learn in this episode:

  • Making ourselves the top priority
  • Creating your own identity
  • Identifying what really matters to you
  • Turn off from all the hustle and make time and invest in the things that could improve yourself and your relationships


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Episode Transcript

Doug Holt 0:00  

As men, as we grow into our roles and age, we get our significance and identity from the business. And along that journey, we try to fit a mold of what a business owner or executive should look like and should act like, the way they should behave, and we lose ourselves along that way. Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Doug Holt, with my co-host Tim, The Powerful Man Matthews. What’s going on? Brother?


Tim Matthews 0:32  

I’m very well indeed. How are you?


Doug Holt 0:34  

I’m doing well also; come back off recording another amazing episode; you did a great job just giving information to the guys, and it always warms my heart when we’re able to help guys out, and you did an amazing job, man.


Tim Matthews 0:49  

Thank you. I appreciate that.


Doug Holt 0:51  

Yeah, well, Tim, we were going to talk, we were talking about this offline, before we hit the record button, as we often do, but the number one mistake guys make in their lives.


Tim Matthews 1:01  

Wow, it’s a bold claim. But I’m going to roll with it because it is the number one mistake that we see the man we work with. And again, there’s a pattern that we’ve seen play out in hundreds, if not thousands of men over the past five years. And what it is, is so often they come to us with problems in their marriage, they’re either about to get divorced, or they can switch off. They’re constantly arguing with the wife, and the wife then doesn’t want to have sex with them, then either looking at other women or looking at porn or, whatever it is, they’re sedated with alcohol. And then this bleeds into their business as well, and it starts to lose drive and passion for the business. And they think that the problem is the relationship, the problem is the marriage. And they then obviously want to get tactics and strategies on what they can do to take it straight to the marriage and fix it, or they think the problem is in the work-life balance; they’re working long hours. So the solution must be to hire more staff, or make more sales our delegate better or whatever it is, but we know the truth. And the truth is that even if they hire more staff, or even when they’re hiring more staff, or make more sales or change the business, this problem of being able unable to connect with their wife doesn’t go away, even though they have more time with the wife, they’re still unable to connect, they still feel exhausted, the mind is still racing, they find another project to move on to another goal to then achieve. And the mistake they’re making is that they have prioritized business as the first and foundational territory in their lives. And they’ve done that because they have been taught to believe the way to provide is to go and make money. And that’s the first and foremost way to provide, but we know it’s very different, sure. Provide for your family. 


Make money, that’s important, of course, but besides that, to truly provide for the woman in your life and your family, they want to be provided for differently. But if you are putting business as the first territory in almost putting all your eggs in that one basket, whether they do is put wealth as territory number two. By the time they’ve got to the third territory, which is their relationship, they’ve barely got anything left to give, they’ve barely got any energy to go home, have a conversation with the wife and engage in all the activities that go along with having a family. And then, if they even have any energy left after that, it’s usually dawn. It goes to the fourth territory of health. Usually, although the guys know that they should be healthier, they know they should be working out. And they know they should be eating cleaner. They’re not doing it, and they’re not doing it because they’re so exhausted; they don’t have anything left to give. Sometimes they’re working out. But that’s just exhausting even more. And then the final territory at the top of this pyramid, if you imagine it, business being at the bottom, the top of the pyramid taking up the least amount of space itself. Now, we have seen the biggest shifts for men in our business, where the profits have increased the most, as well as the guys being able to work less and even better when they do work on tasks that they love. And it’s tasks that move the needle for them in their life and their business. When that was able to happen, they flipped that on their head, instead of the bottom of that triangle, at the bottom of that pyramid itself. That’s the foundational piece that’s almost propping this pyramid up. And they’re going into there, and they’re doing the work on themselves to create that knowledge of who they are. And what they want, that then fuels their clarity and confidence in all areas of life. 


Above that, then goes health, because obviously, they value their body, and it’s where they get their energy from. It doesn’t mean going in and working out crazy hours in the gym every day at all. But they don’t value their health. They start to eat cleaner, have more sleep, rest, work out more, hire a personal trainer, go for walks, they can do simple things that these men start to do. And then the third one is in relationships because by this point they have reprioritized what’s the most important thing for them in their life, business is still a major part of their life, it’s who they are, it’s what they love. And when they’re able to have the energy, presence, and peace of mind in knowing who they are and connect with the wife in their relationship. Now that gives them so much freedom and headspace to go and be their best in the business. And then wealth is above that, and the tip of the pyramid is business. And it’s the smallest part, but it can be the smallest part because it works on the 8020. Now they’re doing the things that give them the most leverage in their company rather than being busy, and they become productive. And the number one mistake we see, I’d love to hear your opinion, Doug. So I know jumping on this show wasn’t to show I was going to share. The number one mistake we see men make is that God flipped on their heads. Because until you reorder enough, sell for the bomb as a foundation, he will never prioritize doing the work on yourself. And he says that there is a requirement to do that work, having the courage to go into your darkness and transform into the light that creates the foundation on which you can rise as a powerful man and be The Powerful Man you are born to be.


Doug Holt 7:36  

It’s so true, Tim; we see it time and time again. I think what happens a lot of times is that as men, as we grow into our roles and age, we get our significance and identity from the business. Or at least we think we do. And along that journey, we try to fit a mold of what a business owner or executive should look like and act like and how they should behave. And we lose ourselves along that way. You and I were talking this last week about play and exploring play as an adult. And what does that look like? And I think many times what we see is these guys, and they’re looking for significance. They’re feeling anxiety or stress and say go to default, which is business for them, and you’re spot on the pyramids flipped. Whereas if they were working on themselves, and discovering themselves and doing the deep inner work that it requires, they would have this whole plan figured out, really showcasing who they are as men and bringing that guy into the other areas, the other territories to take care of his pack to lead, take care of his health, his relationships. And of course, his business is still a very important part. But it’s a small part. It’s such a small part when you’re doing the things that matter, that you’re taking care of yourself. When you’re honoring yourself as a powerful man, it all falls into place. So it’s so beautifully said, Tim, if anybody’s listening to this, they’re like, Oh crap, I’ve been doing that, I’ve been going after a business, or we commonly see, and I used to be this right? Busy being busy, I’d be at work for 12 hours. But if you look at my productivity in retrospect, I was surfing the web or clicking the mouse and doing 1000 projects that were half done and not completed. I wasn’t productive. I wasn’t doing the 20% that gives me the 80% of results. I was doing the 80% I’m like I’m at the 20% of results. So if a man finds himself in a situation, what do you suggest?


Tim Matthews 9:50  

First of all, recognize that it’s okay, you know what, I think the reason why you and I yelled so well, Doug, is because we both discovered this separately. We both came to our realization around this, and by no means would we have finished articles on this, then we never will be. It’s always going to be a journey. The journey is the destination. But for me, when I was first discovering this, initially, I just felt a lot of tension in my body. It was almost like, and You’re telling me I’m supposed to work less on my business, I’m supposed to not be trying as hard. I’m supposed to be taking my foot off the gas. Well, I’ve got bills to pay; I’ve got goals I want to achieve. And it’s the classic situation whereby, if you feel that in your body, then that’s a clear sign that something’s got to change.


Doug Holt 10:49  

Hey, guys, it’s time to get real. Do you feel bored, burnout or broken? Discover the system that over 300 businessmen use to let go of the grind, find inner peace, and unlock near-unlimited personal power. So they can have more time, more intimacy, and better sex while living a life they love without stressing about work or feeling like a fraud. Go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Freedom right now and discover the insights that you need to get started. Let’s get back to the episode.


Tim Matthews 11:26  

If you find yourself telling yourself the same story that I used to tell myself that, all well, when I get to a million, when I get to whatever level is eight figures, that’s when things will change. Because when I get there, everything will be in place, and then I’ll be able to work less, and then I’ll be able to change how we operate. But the trouble with that is, it’s your identities, who you are for me over time from my early 20s when I did my first business, I didn’t realize over the following ten years, I was creating an identity for myself, as every day I started to, continue to work certain habits and have certain beliefs. I was a mold in its identity for myself of what it meant to work hard. I listened to some people in the personal development space telling me to work harder, persevere, and be sleepless. And all you’ve got to do is push through and keep going. And the thing is, I didn’t need motivation; I already had tons of motivation. And why required back then was a better insight. Because the perseverance, and the pushing harder, was giving me more of what I was already showing, I was making progress. I used to look at these people with these exponential jumps and think, How the hell have you done that? I, what have you done differently to what I’m doing like is a different strategy. And I used to invest so much time, and energy and money into mastering the external, the sales strategies to hiring staff, marking the systems, what came to realize was, the one thing that I wasn’t ever really investing in was me. I mean, I listened to tons of audiobooks. Everywhere I drove by Tony Robbins playing in the car, I was in watching what’s an inspirational thing I was plugged in, let’s say, but I wasn’t doing the real work on myself to get to the root of what was causing me to be so out of balance. 


So you know the answer to your question, Doug; if you listen to this, and you realize you’re in this position, pay attention to the signs. Now we have a look for evidence as well. I would have loved to go back then and have been able to look for people who have achieved what I want, like growing the business and doing it in a balanced way. And fortunately for you guys, now if you head over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Freedom, there are like 10 case studies on there of men that have been able to do it. Now whether or not you even do anything, take any action from that page. Just go there and look at those case studies, digest what those men are saying because these men are all business owners. All entrepreneurs have high six, seven, and eight-figure businesses who have moved out of that place that you might be in and have created a new life for themselves. And their businesses have grown, their relationships have improved, and they’re dropping, shedding 10s of pounds of body fat and stress has gone down profits have gone up, everything. If I had visibility back then on people who had done it because I was flying blind, I knew there was an easier way. I just was like, and this cannot be how it’s meant to be sure, and this is really what it’s meant to be like having your own business, grinding it out like this, this is really what the dream is. 


No, come on, there must be a better way. And I think the Epiphany for you though comes to speak for you, right now, since I’m on a row, taking the Epiphany for you was working with a lot of those high-level people in, in the gym in Santa Barbara, all these people that, by society’s definition, most everybody else’s had it all had the success. But then, one guy said to you, and you know what, Doug, I love what you have, and that’s happiness and freedom. And right then and then, you decided to prioritize and design your life. It was very similar for me as well, and I had a very similar experience. So I think if I would have had role models, back then beacons of light that I could turn to and look at, these guys on the page, powerfulman.com/freedom. If you’re in the community, in the Facebook community, these guys read that, go into the member’s tab, search their name and reach out to them, ask them questions, or post a question in the group, tag them in it, ask them how they did it. Every Friday, we interview one of them about how he did it. And the whole purpose of that is to dive into the shifts in mindset that these men have had to make, to be able to change how they operate completely.


Doug Holt 16:49  

So much solid advice. And I love that old acronym that is not an acronym but saying that success leaves clues. And that’s something I’ve noticed throughout my life. Tim, you just mentioned it there. We have men in the Facebook community, who have broken free, who have found success not only in their businesses but also in their relationships with their self-love or just with their appreciation of themselves, with gratitude practices with their morning routines. With all of these things, and they’re at your fingertips. Success does leave clues, and you need to know where to look. So I do encourage you guys to go over there and reach out to these guys. They’re extremely approachable. These are great, great men. And they’re as open as you. They’ve had questions, wondered what this is, or had their doubts and things of that nature. And they’re not salespeople? First, they run their own companies, and they do their own thing. Their families are busy guys. But ask them questions, ask him, ask me as some of the other coaches, ask people that have been down the path ahead of you where you want to go, and ask them the real questions. Don’t ask them just Hey, how’s it going type questions the fluff, get to the real source of the matter? What is perplexing you? What is the real issue that you’re having? So you guys, you want to make sure you’re solving the right problem. Whether in business or your personal life, make sure the problem you’re attempting to solve if you’re trying to solve a problem is the right one. And that all starts by asking the right questions. Tim, what else would you recommend that these guys could do?


Tim Matthews 18:39  

While for a recommendation, take inventory. I mean, look at your life, you’re aware, the five territories, I’ll just can quickly, you’ve got self-health, wealth, relationships and business bring over your calendar, let’s say you use Google Calendar, have a look at it. And why don’t you have a look at how much time you dedicate in any calendar to each of those five areas? And that’s going to tell you a lot about your trajectory is going to tell you a lot about the level of enjoyment and fulfillment you’re going to experience in your life. Because if you don’t have time for your growth, then why is it going to come from, honestly guys listening to an audiobook in the car, so it’s not going to cut it. It’s just not you’ve got to get optics on yourself at the end of the day. We cannot see our blind spots. We just can’t. And I’m grateful for you listening to this podcast. I truly am. I love that you tune in, and at the same time if you are expecting to take everything from this podcast and it completely shifts the trajectory of your life. I hate to burst out of it all, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think you can take some of these things and you’ll see some results for sure. 


That’s a real possibility. But if you want that quantum leap, that shift that, you know is possible, and you’ve got to get some coaching, you have a, regardless of whether it’s from us our, however, one of the biggest shifts for me was when I first got my coach, I started to understand my first ever coach. And I started to understand what was going on for me, why I was making it so hard, while I was telling myself to get good optics, understand how much time you invested into those five territories, and get help. You’ve got to get help. Make sure that black help coaching is from somebody who has gone before somebody who is beside you or a coach who claims to help you become The Powerful Man you want to be. That’s what living is very different from. Ask them the questions, be real. Ask them what they’ve got going on. What’s their lifestyle, like success, leaves clues, like Doug was saying. Whatever you do, don’t suffer in silence, hoping that one day will change because you deserve that quantum leap. You truly, truly do. And imagine the ripple effect in your family, in your community, in your business. When you choose to take that risk and go for it is never as scary as it seems.


Doug Holt 21:38  

Great advice. Guys, you’re not alone. Go over to ThePowerfulMan.com/Freedom if you haven’t already. Take action. Look at those case studies. Find those guys that are out there and ask the right questions. That’s it for us today. And we’ll see you on the next episode of The Powerful Man Show.



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