Episode #1024
Ever feel like you’re doing life on your own, even when you’re surrounded by people? In this episode, Doug sits down with two TPM legends, Mike and Justin, to talk straight about what real camaraderie looks like, why it matters, and how it changes everything from your business to your relationships.
They get into the power of being around like-minded men, how vulnerability actually builds trust (not weakness), and what happens when you stop comparing and start connecting. It’s not about fake hype or locker room bravado. This is about having people in your corner who hold you to a higher standard and won’t let you fall behind.
You’ll also hear how these guys built lasting brotherhood through shared struggles, open conversations, and calling each other out with love. If you’ve ever felt like something’s missing in your circle or you’re ready to stop lone-wolfing your growth, this episode is for you.
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Transcription
Mike 0:00
I just hearing about other people’s struggles and wins. Yeah, it just it shows like we’re all human at the same time. We all are working towards a better version of ourselves. And like, just hearing, hearing people’s like perspective around things helps me level up massively and closer. Just bring myself closer to people as well.
Doug Holt 0:20
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show, and we are still at the TPM Ranch, if you listen to the previous episode, and we are still at the legends event, and it is going strong, having a great time. And today I have two legends with me right now, and we’re going to talk about camaraderie, gentlemen, having a good time,
Mike 0:51
amazing.
Justin 0:52
Yes, we are, for sure, it’s only day one.
Doug Holt 0:54
It’s only day one. Yes, this has been a phenomenal event, just absolute amazing man. The two of you included, we wanted to record some of these thoughts and things that we’re going through, and we haven’t gotten to the meat of this event at all. Right? We’re at the appetizer of anything, and I’m having a great time. You know? It just fills me up to be around such amazing men such as yourself and the other guys next door. So to have a guy from the UK, a guy from New York, sitting right next to each other in Oregon, right of all places, when I asked you guys, hey, what do you want to talk about? And you threw out on the table, camaraderie, yeah. So what does camaraderie mean to you?
Justin 1:39
I think I said it on day zero, when we first got here, you know, we were just talking about intention and what I want to get out. The minute I got into this, I walked into the ranch. Just the energy shift within me, right, the day to day. Right, the grind, building a business, managing a team, right, making money, being a parent, CFO, husband, it’s a lot, right? I mean, we talk about filling our cup and making sure that that’s a priority, and yes, of course, that’s important. But when I’m together with men that are like minded, and up until yesterday, I didn’t even know who Mike was, but the level of, I guess, the quality of men that we have around here, and the opportunity we have to break each other’s balls and have fun, but get serious too. I mean, how many conversations that we had just in two days where it went from Ball breaking to like, serious, yeah, and like, there’s trust, right? So what does camaraderie mean to me, just being around other men, specifically other men that I know that have gone through the same type of experiences that I have, and I can be myself.
Doug Holt 2:42
I love that. How about you, Mike,
Mike 2:44
that’s a hard and a follow, right? For me, for myself, I’d have to say somebody or a group of men that I’d like to go to war with, you know? And I think that that comes through, you know, building trust, building relationships with, with like minded individuals, and just come into the ranch. And obviously, I’m the only English guy here, right? And I’ve not met many other men here apart from yourself. Doug, so to build relationships and build the trust with these other men, it hasn’t been hard in this environment, because we’re around a group of men who have like, like minded issues, but also like like minded vision that they want to be the best versions of themselves. Like, like you’re saying about filling this cup and being, you know, the best version, and it almost out spills from there, like, taking care of ourselves first. It just, it almost levels me up. It definitely levels me up to be here, and I feel like when we can be our true, authentic self in a place like this, and we can expose our flaws, we can really get to work on, on where, where we need to be, but also find that peace and grace within ourselves, that we are doing the work and we are moving forward.
Doug Holt 4:10
I love that. I love both you guys definitions of it. I’m going to add in a little bit of my spice, which would be no man left behind, right? I think that’s a solid element that’s here amongst this group and all the groups within TPM. I mean, Mike, you’re a restaurant tour from UK, right Salisbury, and now there’s no more Englishmen here. There’s gonna be, ironically, as soon as you leave, another guy comes and his family visiting the ranch. Mr. Fleming, I love that guy. But, you know, I did your Alpha Rese seven years ago. I think we ascertained and you’ve been the movement for a long time, one brother’s brother award, where it’s an award that all the men within the movement come and vote on a guy that they believe has the best of the best. And you’ve won that. And sitting to your left, we have Justin, who runs a whole.
Accountancy, bookkeeping and financial service, you know, firm and also won the brothers brother award for very similar reasons, and that’s why, like, you mean, you guys didn’t know each other coming into this at all. And here we are, joking, laughing, giving each other a hard time before we hit record. Yeah, and that’s what it is. And to your point, Justin, you know, guys are giving each other a hard time laughing, and nobody takes it personally, because, you know, it’s just in jest, and everybody cares. You can sense that care, and then you can literally turn around and talk about, hey, I got a problem my business. It’s like, I’m worried or my kids worry about my kids, or I’m worried about my what my relationship, whatever it is, guys will go as deep as you’re willing to go with them.
Justin 5:45
Well, and even one of the exercises we did yesterday, and I don’t know how much we want to speak on what exactly we did yesterday to kind of kick off our retreat, but just how that experience projected my own insecurities upon me, right? Yeah, you know, and what I was able to uncover, and we spoke about it too, and what I shared was, you know, if I go to a party, right, I don’t know anybody or, you know, there’s a new person there, and what I landed, I judge that person immediately, right? I don’t trust that person, I don’t know that person, I don’t know who they are, and I’m just going to naturally go and be comfortable with somebody else. But I think the whole point, right, when you say camaraderie, and what we’re discussing is to also bring that back to the real world, right? Yes, we are in the real world, but we’re playing, we’re men, we’re all, you know, kind of on vacation, and our businesses are on pause. We’re doing some work as we’re going but, you know, we are going to go home right and back to the real world.
And I have to, I don’t have to, I’m going to try to say this. I get to now enjoy the experience I had here and bring that back and just remember, like one of my intention was just to reinforce right, to reinforce the tools. But I don’t need to go to a party and not trust that person, right? Because at the end, even though they’re not in TPM, right, or they don’t have a spouse in TPM, I think that’s the point. Like everyone’s got that spirit within them, right, that desire to be better, to be seen, to be heard, to be validated, to be liked, and it’s just, it’s just weird, right? Because here it’s so comfortable, it’s so easy. It really is so easy, yeah, but out in the real world, it is as easy. What if it were easy, right? It is. It’s just, I’m choosing to put a different mask on it, I guess. So. To say, if that makes sense,
Doug Holt 7:20
yeah, I want to set the scene a little bit because I don’t want people to take you out of context. Sure, we went horseback riding. So sorry, I got dust in my thighs my nose. We were saying, let’s just set the scene like a movie scene, and I relate it to it so well. You go to, let’s say, a barbecue or cocktail party or whatever, a birthday party where you don’t know many people, a lot of us will find the person we know and go right to them. Or you sit against the wall right or at the punch bowl, so to speak, and you watch people, and you kind of wait for them to come to you first, and if they don’t, you kind of judge them a little bit. Right? It’s easy to tell those stories, and that’s what you were talking about, uncovering them.
And many of the guys on the couch. We’re having similar experiences of like, Yep, I do that. And part of what we do here as men is we get the optics or the data right, unless we look at the things that we’re doing consciously right with conscious then we can’t, we can’t change them. Now, when we look at them, so you discover this, you’re like, you know what? Shoot. That’s me. We did an exercise based on trust, and, you know, we flipped it around. I was like, actually has nothing to do with the other person, it’s you. I was like, Oh, shit. And that’s the kind of things we getting insights on yourself, make yourself a better husband, father, business leader and member of your community.
Justin 8:39
And anyone listening to this, everyone’s the same. We all have those same tendencies, but then the shame comes in, right? Oh, I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t think this way. So this is actually a cool conversation, because hopefully someone is listening to this, relating to everything we just spoke about, and like, Oh, it’s okay. I have that feeling, yes, because we don’t talk about that, right? That’s not really a safe thing to discuss out in the quote, unquote, real world.
Doug Holt 9:01
Yeah, you know, roll up to a guy at a bar store, roll up someone you know at the soccer game, going, hey, you know, I really judge people, and I feel nervous at parties.
Justin 9:09
Yes, I just want to say hi. Get to know you a little bit, right? What’d you have for breakfast this morning? Like, do you want to go out and have a seltzer with me sometime? Yeah, you seem like a cool guy. It’s so weird. But I bet you, if you do that enough times, sure, you know, like, I guarantee you know, just not that weird. Ever do that, but you know, I bet if I were to do that more often, I’d probably get more positive responses than negative.
Doug Holt 9:30
So yeah, and at TPM, though, you know, talking about camaraderie for a man to come through, we have an application process. And so one of the thing that our advisors have to fill out is a thing that we call the beer test. Would I go get a beer with this person? It’s not really about drinking or getting the beer. You get the idea. But I want guys to listen to us, like, Is this somebody I want to hang out with? And if an advisor checks No, they recommend something else. Like, hey, this probably isn’t a good fit, because they’re. Job is to protect the tribe, if you will, the movement of men. And that’s how I know, at least as a coach, coming into a community, because I walk into a room, I mean, you’ve, you’ve helped me at alpha resets. Mike d1, of two guys, has been to two alpha resets. I keep bringing it up because I tell that story so often. At alpha resets, Hey, you can’t come back.
Mike 10:21
Oh, he’s one of them. Yeah, I know that. Oh, I do one now I know both. Oh, this is great.
Doug Holt 10:24
So here’s the story with Mike, though, Mike’s is unique. The other person that came back did it because he didn’t go all in, and we have actually had a seat, and so they let him in. Mike’s is cool, because Mike went through it. That’s where we first met seven years ago, the second Alpha Rese ever, and right here in Oregon, just over the mountain. And then his brother went through TPM, and his older brother is he two years older than you? Yeah, that’s right, went through and Mike goes, I want to go through The Alpha Reset with him, which I think is harder, because you know what the how The Alpha Reset is, both you guys know that it’s a very intense experience, knowing what’s coming up and not a dry eye in the room. Man, just watching two brothers who loved each other before coming into it, the bond you guys had is phenomenal.
Justin 11:13
I got chills, yeah, yeah, I got chills. That’s like intense. I just, I’m just thinking about my brothers right now, holy crap, like that would be
Doug Holt 11:20
you imagine having to go through or system? Yeah, they go through again, actually, yeah, beautiful, having my brother, Brad, who’s now the CEO of the company, go through the event. Because we, if you want to be a coach, you got to go through the Alpha Reset, you know, like they want to go and, you know, it’s a crucible, like coaches have been coaching for 1020, years, and at that stage, you know you’re out of teenage. You know they know they don’t know everything, right? The teenager, that’s the worst stage to be in, right? I know every I know everything you know, whether it be about the restaurant business or, you know, accounting or bookkeeping, or whatever it might be. As soon as you think you’ve know it all, you’re screwed. Yeah? Personal Development, same thing. Yeah, I’ve got it all together, but camaraderie. It’s that beer test, right? So both of you guys, quote, pass the beer test. And so for me as a coach, going into that environment with new guys, I know everybody’s going to get along, right? They’ve kind of been validated, if you will. And everybody’s a business person, so that’s an easy bridge to cross. What do business people like to talk about business money,
Justin 12:23
War stories, making money, wins, losses, yeah,
Doug Holt 12:26
yeah. So. And you put some good guys in there together, you have instant camaraderie, if you will. And these are men trying to better themselves. Like, who does that? Who takes time out of their day to become a better human? That’s a rare breed. A lot of people think about it, but few people actually work on it.
Mike 12:44
I feel like as well, you know, for me, when I get around a group of men, I may pre Judge, I may think like, oh, wow, these guys are so much further ahead than me. Maybe they are. But if, if I’m always looking at other people that way, and, you know, comparison holds the, you know, the seeds of destruction, right? But as soon as I hear them speak about their their their issues, it just it shows me that we’ve all got something we’re working through. Yeah, and I connect more with the people who share their vulnerabilities rather than sharing their wins, yes, so I think, like when, when these men and hats off to them, they go all out, they they show their vulnerabilities. That’s what gets me closer to them, and it creates that camaraderie for me.
Doug Holt 13:30
it’s huge, right? With people talking about in the previous podcast is nobody talks about how much money they make. No one’s bragging about it. It comes if it comes up, it comes up, it comes up because it is a it’s part of the formula to the problem that we’re trying to help them solve, right? That’s the only time it ever comes up. It never comes up with, Hey, have you seen my new Maserati? You know, or those conversations don’t come. Now, we do have some guys that are car guys. Those guys will show their cars, but it’s not like from a bragging point. It’s just like guys showing pictures of the kids,
Justin 14:02
and I’m so glad you brought that up, too, right? Because there is a wide range of if, I guess we’ll just use net worth as an example in this community, right? I mean, you got some guys that are maybe just newly minted entrepreneurs, business owners, right? And then you got some pretty established guys, one of the two guys here, right? And even more, some of the guys we’re talking about yesterday, that somebody like me like I don’t think I would ever get a chance to meet somebody like that in the quote, unquote, real world or in the outside world, but we’re all the same. Okay, this man’s worth 100 million and I’m worth 100,000 I’m just using that as an example, yeah, but I can sit there and hold space for him just as easily as the opposite. It doesn’t mean he’s any better than me as a human being, right? It’s just a human being, but we can talk about that.
And the beautiful thing is that we were having a conversation at lunch today, and one of the guys was talking about, you know, some pretty impressive numbers in terms of deals that he’s made and, like, things that would intimidate me. In fact, I did, you know, I was intimidated a bit, but it was from humility. Right, yeah. And that’s the thing. Like, here we go breaking bread. Like, this guy’s, like, talking numbers that, I mean, I could only dream of, yeah, and he’s doing this in the weekend and a couple of months, but he’s talk, but it’s coming from a place of love and just just to share, like, I just want to tell you what’s going on in my life, and you know how this was a struggle, or how I’m proud of this, and I want you guys to be proud of me, and I want you guys to learn from me. And it’s just, it’s really cool, like, honestly, like, I walked away from lunch today feeling like, really jacked up, like, I’m selling my account of practice. I’m going into real estate. I’m doing this tomorrow. Let’s go. Let’s go.
Doug Holt 15:31
that’s the thing, right? It I know from my own personal development in my conversations, like, we have, like, what’s possible for us, what’s possible for Doug, and then you hear somebody that’s 10 steps ahead you’re like, shatters your belief. Like, wait a minute, I’m playing small. Okay, I want to play up here. We’ve and you guys may know these people, you may not, probably didn’t know that, but we’ve had a couple billionaires come through. You would just never know, right? They’re just a normal guy, and no one’s talking about their money. I know because I would be a coach that they’ve approached and had financial conversations with because I, you know, it’s just a different thing.
But last night, over dinner, we had a guy, you were involved in this conversation, Mike, you were in a different conversation. But he said, Hey, I’m doing an acquisition. What should I know? And how humble is that right to come up to a bunch of businessmen, other businessmen, and say, I don’t know what I don’t know. Do you have any suggestions? And one of the recommendations I gave him, I go, Hey, there’s another guy in The Brotherhood, or excuse, another guy in the movement. Yep, this guy is the guy you need to call if you know him. And you said, Hey, I got his contact. Let me put it on your phone. And that level of networking. And that’s not why anybody came here, but it was, it’s what our value systems are about helping each other and being business guys or guys that want to do more. Yeah, it just naturally occurs.
Justin 16:49
I’d be curious on your thoughts on this too, Mike, but maybe that’s not why we came, but for me, it’s why I’m staying. Yeah. Like, I mean, you know, just seven years like, I didn’t even who I was seven years ago. Forget about it. But like, here you are, right? And you look at the wall and the pictures on a wall, like, both of our pictures are on the wall, like, and this is still going on, right? And obviously, I mean, I’m sure people do Tam and they bounce and they never come back. I’m sure there’s probably more, yeah, that do that than not. But there’s a lot of guys here that have been around. And, I mean, seven years later, this guy’s still here, yeah, he’s here longer than Michael Brett. That’s crazy. That’s insane.
But, like, think about that. Like, that’s why I’m coming back, and I still get value. And it’s like, okay, yes, there’s still coaching involved with my relationship, which is why we all came here. But then there’s parenting, and then there’s business, and then, like, you just said, the networking, yeah, like, the deals that probably have been made, and I know there’s been a bunch, a lot, a lot of deals just from, I mean, this is a global community, right? Thank you internet, thank you zoom and all this other stuff. And, like, we never, I was doing, we were doing horseback riding today. I was just looking, I’m like, This guy’s from Iowa, this guy’s from North Carolina, this guy’s from the UK, I’m from New York, I live in Arizona. You’re and we’re all hanging out camaraderie, like, it’s, this is it, and this is what it’s about,
Doug Holt 18:01
yep, and we’re just getting started for that, right?
Mike 18:05
Okay, we got two more days.
Doug Holt 18:05
Yeah, imagine where Mike’s gonna be in seven years from now. It’s, you know, last podcast we talked about consistency, and that was kind of the theme of, you got to keep showing up. Got to keep showing up. And the camaraderie makes that possible, you know, and guys dip in and dip out. At times, they lone wolf. It’s usually either they think they got it right, and they go, Okay, I got it I’m good, and I can’t take anything more. I’m good. I don’t need anything or shame and guilt, right? And those two things happen the most. And the thing that’s cool I mentioned this last one about this group of men that are here is you guys call each other out in your shit, and it’s so if I even as a coach, if I walked up there and started saying something, you know, you guys right away, be like, Ah, you told us you wanted to do X, Y and Z, right? The Are you not sticking to this Doug? And you guys would hold my feet to the fire, let alone each other. And I think it’s that level of respect that you just you can’t I’ve never seen it anywhere else where you can have guys that actually give a shit about you. They care, right? No personal gain for themselves other than seeing somebody else rise and will call you forward. They’ll call you forward in the most direct way and oftentimes a funny way possible. Have you seen that anywhere else?
Mike 19:20
Yeah, and then I haven’t, to be honest, and I think, you know, it’s a bunch of winners that want to see other people win, yes. And I’ve got people’s best interest at heart, yeah. And I think, like, you hit a nail on the head there, you know, call people out on their, on their on their bullshit. And I think, you know, real love is tough love. You know, give you will give you feedback to your to your face, rather than stab you in the back, right, tell you how it is. And I think when you got a group of men like this is there’s no accident, they’ve got to where they are, yeah, but, but to continue to level up, there needs to be an element of accountability and and almost, you know, Iron sharpens. Iron. Yeah.
Justin 20:00
Yeah, also too. Like, just in the camaraderie, like the safety that I have calling someone forward on a call here is just, I don’t see. It’s probably a BS story too. Like, I want to do that more out in the real world, right? But like, knowing on the other side that that person did the work. Are they going to get triggered? That’s a nice guy mentality too, right? And that’s something I get to continue to work on. But again, it’s just the space that is around where we are that I know that I will call Mike out on, you know, his idea for, you know, healthy hamburgers, or whatever it is. And, like, no one’s gonna buy that bike. That’s a terrible idea.
You know, everybody’s gonna receive it. In a way, he’s not gonna be like, You Justin. You’re like, because you say that to somebody you just meet at the bar. That’s stranger that I just go with to say, Hi dude, because I want to be uncomfortable today, right? Yeah, you know, he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. That’s all right. But again, it’s that safety and that confidence that I have within me that is due to the camaraderie that we’ve built. And again, maybe, probably most people that listen to this don’t know, like most of us are meeting in person for the first time. Yep, like, only three guys here, well, for you know, you know you and Colton too, maybe five guys here have I met, and there’s 14 guys, yeah, mostly. But I’ve known some of these guys for three years already, and I’ve already built a relationship with them. And I know them inside and out, but I’ve never given them an actual hug physically. Yep, and it’s not like in it just the way the world is now, too. And, holy cow, like, what a gift. And that just builds even stronger bonds, like I already feel tighter with all of them, even though I’ve known them for so long, so well, too. I can imagine day two.
Doug Holt 21:39
Always day two.
Justin 21:40
It’s always day two, isn’t it?
Mike 21:42
I feel like this place is like such a safe place, where you can share in almost like the real world, but you can’t really have these conversations. You can’t go deep with people. And I feel like when you’re in a safe place, and you feel like you can actually, you know, share exactly what you’re going through? Then you can get as soon as we know where we are, we can know where we’re going. And I think again, getting, like, advice or just perspective from other people, we’re not asking really for advice. Sometimes we just, we almost learn through other people’s struggles or even how they overcame. And we don’t, we don’t get that anywhere else, apart from, like, getting around people who are in in the hunt, doing the work, and maybe they’re a couple steps ahead, maybe they’re exactly where we are, or maybe even behind, but when, when you you’ve got, like, a group of men like this who want to see you win, they’re not going to want to leave you behind. They don’t want to leave you out of the pack. They want to bring you back up. And I think there’s that analogy with the wolves, right? And how, like, there’ll be one wolf ahead of the pack, and there’ll be one wolf behind the pack, and it’s just ensuring that the pack is safe, yeah, and ensuring that everybody, every member of that wolf pack, is going to get to its destination. It doesn’t want to leave any wolf behind
Doug Holt 22:58
Well, it’s obvious. I agree with that. Mike, it’s so obvious, I think, for all men or people to understand that people ahead of you might have clues right. Success leaves clues. We hear that. But I think it’s less obvious for people to think about naturally is the person that’s at the same journey of you, but just having different stumbles, and you can learn from that person and work together and having that accountability and that camaraderie and that that bond of working towards us and we go at the same time is huge, also helping the guy behind you. That’s mastery, right? You think you know something, try teaching it, right? Yeah. And I think that’s what you when I look at, when I think of the TPM legends, you guys, that’s what I think about. You know, we had Donny in here, who’s on post, you know, 1600 and whatever it is. But how many people is he inspiring with that ripple effect? You know, he might post a post and go, Hey, I’m just gonna post this today and just see and not know how many men might have read that or needed to hear that. And it’s you guys shining the light for the men behind of saying, hey, this way, this is the way it’s better over here, and both of you guys do that consistently.
Justin 24:06
Thanks for reminding. I’m actually going to remind him, because you just said, What donnie’s post? Because he does. He posts literally every day, still to this day, yep. And I remember when I first came in, whatever number he was on, but I just remember and just the consistency of his, you know, his vision, right? He does all five territories, right? He lists out his wins, he lists out his losses, you know, Duolingo 1400 days in a row, or something like that. Let me talk about holding one self accountable on a regular basis. And, yeah, maybe sometimes someone doesn’t see it, but it’s at one time, and it’s for the new guys coming in too. Yeah, that’s the importance, right? Like, doing this stuff and showing these guys and doing this first annual retreat, like, you know, this is, this is, this is what you’re part of.
Doug Holt 24:44
that reminds me, Gary. So, you know Gary? You know of Gary, he’s also on the wall, yeah, to keep himself accountable, he started posting his workouts because he wasn’t working out. And that was a challenge that was given to him, and he accepted. And these all you guys are extremely coachable, right? And that’s a key, at least from my point of view. And his post, and I go, Dude, you know what, man, I’ve been I had this excuse been working 12 hour days trying to build the movement, and I saw your post, and I was like this crap. I skipped my workout today, and I turned my computer off, and I went to the gym. I just wanted to thank you. And Gary goes, Wow, I didn’t know I was like, I was kind of embarrassed, you know, didn’t know if this was going to help. I can, dude, it helped me. Right after I said that, somebody overhearing it, walked up and goes, dude, same thing. Yeah, did the same thing. And then all of a sudden, Gary’s getting all these messages that himself, keeping himself accountable again, showing the way, was really inspiring other people, because you don’t know who’s watching, and everybody’s watching.
Justin 25:46
everybody, and our kids, particularly, are watching all the time, right? They’re going to model, you know, everything to us on a regular basis. We talk about a lot about kids here, but that’s what I’m also teaching my son and my daughter, like, you know, how to be comfortable with that going forward in your life, and having your own tribe and camaraderie and and just surrounding yourself with people you trust. I mean, my kids are 11 and nine and they still have,
Doug Holt 26:09
hey guys, I just want to share something with you. I’m sure we can both agree that in order to fix something, you need to know what’s broken. And not only need to know what’s broken, but a step by step methodology on how you can fix it. That’s the easiest way to do it right, otherwise, you’re gonna be toiling with things. That’s why I created a free training, a training that only shows you how you got to where you are, where your relationship is missing, that love, respect, admiration, and even intimacy that it used to have to how you get it back? How do you retain that where your wife’s looking at you the same way she used to look at you when she said, I do. You know, I don’t know about you, but for me, when my wife looks at me like I’m her man, that feel like I can conquer the world, and I want that for you, simply go over to the powerful man.com. Forward, slash scales. That’s the powerful man.com forward slash scales. And I have a free video training for you. You can just click play and see if this resonates for you. Now, back to the podcast.
Justin 27:12
I mean, you know, we’ll have some of those conversations. Obviously, they’re not ready to have, like deep, you know, deep dives into this stuff, but you see the tribes that they’re building and the lack of camaraderie they have. And some kids, you see, some kids you don’t, you know, some kids have it, some kids don’t, and it’s just like, that’s what they’re building. And so much of us, so much of us get lost, yes, so much of it, you know, so many of us get lost along the way, and then we kind of land here. But then that’s that ripple effect that you guys have been talking since, you know, since you started this, and, you know, keeps going out.
Doug Holt 27:40
It, does. It bellows, your communities, churches, synagogues, you know, temples, wherever people you know, worship or, you know, could be the Rotary Club could be, you know, Vistage. It doesn’t matter. Like people start seeing and people coming up and noticing the changes that the men are making and going, hmm, I want some of that. I’m gonna go back to a comment you made Justin about calling people out in public, like or outside of this group. I think it’s both, can you do it? Yes, and should you do it? My is more the question, right? And from my own experience, and I was, I was at a party all adults, all parents. You know, parents get together with you have kids of the same age, end up hanging out with those parents. And one of the guys probably had a, well, I’ll just say he had a little more to drink than maybe he would have wanted to.
And then he said, Did you guys met my wife? My wife and these women work out together. So it’s all the husbands of those wives. And a guy’s like, Man, I wish, I wish that we just had a bond like these women do. And getting together, I go, Dude, you know what? You never return a text. You never return a text. All of us, other guys have texted you, invited you to things. We go do things. You just never return a text. And maybe if you showed up, that could be a good start. And every was like a record scratch. You guys both know, I can be a little firm at times, but that’s, I guess, I was fed up, yeah, and I said it, and I thought, Oh, crap, wrong. Environment, you know, everybody’s like celebrating. He came up to me 20 minutes later and goes, thank you for being honest with me, right? thank you
Justin 29:14
damn right, yeah, you know. And that’s the thing. I mean, you’ve done this a long time, right? And you’re still always but now that’s it, like we, you know, we’ve talked about subconscious commitments, right? Unconscious commitments. Now it’s embedded. Like, your unconscious took over at that point 100% and right? You spoke even before you probably thought, but, and I’m sure you delivered it with love and kindness, as you always do. But you know, again, that is the trick. You don’t want just go out and start telling people what they can and can’t do, right? Like, you know, my sponsor, because I’m an AA, my sponsor taught me very early on in my in my sobriety, like, does it have to be said? Does it have to be said by me? And does that have to be said right now? And it kind of ties into that, right? So usually I’ll go through and if it’s yes, yes and yes, I’ll say something. But usually along the line, you know, does it have to be said right now? Sometimes it’s no. But like, if my belly barometer is going off and yours went off, probably. Probably before you even realized it. And then he said, thank you.
Doug Holt 30:03
you just changed his life. Well, I saw a guy in pain. he’s complaining about something, and it looks so obvious to me, like, Dude, you know you got to show up. You know you can’t be the guy sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring every single time and not answering it. It’s like being the guy at the party standing next to the wall, refusing to talk to people, judging people and the vibes you get off. I mean, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it. The vibes we get off, we’re sitting on the wall the party, just looking at people, judging them, like, who wants to talk to that guy? Right? And those other people are scared too, yeah, you know, they’re nervous. And so versus that one person you go that comes up and just says hi to you, you’re like, Thank God, and have a good conversation. Sorry if that’s
Justin 30:41
me, if that’s me, if anyone was watching this and I was at a party and you saw me sitting on the corner judging you that might have been me. Sorry.
Mike 30:47
It sounds like that guy, aha. Moment. Like from hearing that and coming back, you probably have to process it, but like knowing you Doug, like what Justin said you you delivered it with love. It came from a place of, you know, frustration, because he’s not getting it, but delivering it with love. He’s probably at the process, and came back and thanked you, which is, which is huge, a lot, a lot of the time, we we can see the blinds. We can’t see the blind spots. They’re just hidden. And I think, like, again, being coached, they can, they can actually give you perspective, what we can see and we can work on these blind spots. Sounds like you’re coaching people, like on a day to day basis. A lot of people aren’t always ready to hear it, yeah, but sometimes it needs to be said. And I think it comes down to how you deliver that as well. And we know that you’re going to deliver it with love and from a good place, rather than just, you know, a place where you just want to have a go at people and put people down. It’s always from a place that you want to rebuild and and encourage and build people up.
Doug Holt 31:49
Yeah, I mean, that’s taking that’s not a natural thing for my family. It takes a lot of work just to let people know that are listening to this. It’s not like all of a sudden when I was a teenager, I was always lifting people up. I grew up in a house with other boys. My dad extremely sarcastic. Like, the more sarcastic you could be, the better. Like, that was, like, my my brothers are older than me. They’re bigger, so I had to mentally chop them down. So I got really good at it. And then as I got older, I realized, wait a minute, this isn’t getting me what I want. You know, I’m doing this at other people’s expenses, and that’s not what that’s not the legacy I want to leave when we talk about, again, bringing it back to camaraderie.
I think you touched on Mike, you have to, when you get to the place where you generally care about other people, it makes it much more easier to have that bond and that camaraderie, you know, and coming through, I mean, Justin saying, Hey, I’ve been talking to these, some of these guys, for three years, and now meeting him in person. You haven’t talked to any of these guys besides me previous, right? Have you Jared, maybe just back and forth for this event? Yeah, that’s it, yeah. And so that camaraderie that you get to be embraced with and feel as we go through these next few days, I’m excited for you.
Mike 32:58
Me too. Yeah, me too. And, I mean, I travel across the pond, yeah, you know, there’s, there’s been, like, obstacles which have come up, sure, but as soon as I made the decision to come like, it almost the waters like, like, spread when and made, made it almost like it made the same path, like it’s gonna happen, yep. And to be fair, before coming to this, there was, there was a bit of what I say. It was almost like the Shadow Man showing up. Yeah, am I? Am I really deserved to be there? Am I really a legend like these, these thoughts were coming up, and I had to just tell her to shut up. It’s not where I want to operate from, yeah, you know. And getting out here just that massive peace of mind to be around, to be fair, like, like you said, I only know you and partly Jared.
So there’s a fear of, are these people really going to accept me into into their into their group, like that? As soon as I step through the door? It just the fears just drop away. Yeah, and it’s just going to be set BS, it’s just, it’s not, it’s a truth there was. It’s a lie that I’m holding on to to stop me from moving forward, yeah? And as soon as I expose that, and rather, like, rather than making assumptions, like, seeking first to understand this place is like a full it’s just full of love, it’s full of support, yeah? Like, we’ve got the the trash talking going on, but it’s this trash talk from a pace a place of love, right? And helps me, like, build myself and build others around me, which is, it’s just a beautiful experience.
Doug Holt 34:29
Now, these guys are trying to steal your notes
Mike 34:32
Yeah, that’s right,
Doug Holt 34:33
Mike, these always been amazing note taker. I remember that about you, that you digest things like nobody’s business. It was funny. We got a copy your notes.
Justin 34:41
I think Austin said that, yeah, but I think the point too real quick is like, you know, I don’t need it. I mean, it reinforces it, but I don’t need The Ranch to do that correct. And I think as people are watching this, right? I mean, I think what I would want somebody to get out of this whole conversation is that you. We’re all the same. We all have the same feelings, we all have the same thoughts. We all have the same stick man. We all have the same guilt, fear and shame, and it’s all fear based decisions, right? And nobody really knows what’s going on inside of somebody. Like, nobody really knows. And just, you know, I’ve been here three years, and the work that I’ve done, like, I have been able to help other people in my life, like, they’ll never be in TPM, right?
Either they’re not a business owner or, you know, maybe they can’t afford it, and you know, that’s part of it, I mean, but I can now give back to the world. You know, I have one of my buddies, like, he’s a, you know, he would never join the program, but he does ARS every morning, like he does an ARS every morning. Yeah, he actually asked me, Can you I just pay you to be my coach? I’m like, No, I’ll just be your friend. And, you know, we’ll check in, not ever know all the time, but sure he’s doing better. He lost weight and simple, just ARS, yeah, in the morning. That’s it. Alpha resin shot, that’s it, you know. And I can bring that to every, every situation I go to, and, you know what? I give myself grace when that judgy guy kind of comes back up and just recognize that I’m a human being, and that’s okay.
Doug Holt 36:01
He’ll always come up. He’s never gonna go away as soon as you realize that. And you can laugh with them, you know, he comes up less. That’s the key. I think most people, I hear this so many times I want to kill that version of me. Like, no, that version of you protected you. Like, there’s a reason. That version sarcastic Doug, like, I’m I don’t, I’m still sarcastic, but more of a joking one. Yeah, that’s what’s shocking. I know, I know. I know surprises people when they hear this, yeah, but not like you are. But you know that version of me protected me from my bigger brothers as a little kid. And so I when you think that version of yourself and show appreciation, it has less and there’s whole parts of psychology around this.
There’s less resistance for it sitting on the sidelines, right? It’s okay. It’s like, okay, he’s got it. I don’t need to show up the way I used to show up. And so it’s not about killing that part of you. It’s about respecting that part of you that’s always going to be inside of you that built you up and then really caring for it, and then going, Hey, I got this. You don’t need to be this way anymore. So if you’re judging or sarcastic or feeling insecure, that’s great, cool. And for me, it’s laughter. I love laughing at myself, not you know, I don’t really feel bad like I’m beating myself up. I just literally laugh. Go to stop being a moron. Like, just have fun. You know, better, and it goes away. It’s like, instantly for me,
Mike 37:24
yeah, almost it ties into, like, the more you resist it will persist, yes, in a way, like, you just gotta just let it come and then let it go. Yeah, because it’s going to show up, just allow it to show up and then just get back into, into your power, right? Yes, yeah, consistently, definitely, like, like I said before, before coming here, that was showing up for me, yeah, that was showing up. And to just allow it to show up and allow it to move out other way as well, and let, let the one that I want to operate from step forward. And I’m so happy, like, because on another day, it wouldn’t have been that easy, you know, I like, I like, push myself into uncomfortable situations, yeah, like, if this was down the road from where I live, I would still come, but it wouldn’t be as meaningful as to come on a flight, you know, an exchange flight over here, drive three hours Across Portland as well, like that makes it 7am sleep in the car, yeah, you know, but it makes the experience that much better.
Doug Holt 38:27
Yeah, I think it does. I think you’re right, and that’s a good shout for the guys in the States going to the UK, yeah, right, because we get resistance. The US is a huge country, obviously, and a lot of guys don’t travel internationally, and so they get, we do The Alpha Reset for guys that are listening to this, which is our transformational four day program. Both of you guys have been through there, through that, and we get resistance from guys, some guys in the States, of going to the UK to do that event, versus like, well, I can just go to Oregon and do it at the TPM Ranch, which is still good, in my opinion. I’m biased about it, but I love to see them when they the guys that go to the UK to do it, always comment about how forward they are removed from their day to day, and how that adds an extra element of dedication and richness to their experience.
Mike 39:14
Absolutely, it makes a lot of sense. It’s almost like the inconvenience makes the experience that much better.
Doug Holt 39:19
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was excited to see your name on the list. Oh, man. Name on the list.
Justin 39:19
The effort, you know, it’s the effort that I put into it too, right? I mean, if I something just comes easily, easily to me, I’m not gonna enjoy it as much. I’m not gonna appreciate it much. But the amount of effort, I mean, you tell me your travel story, that was intense. I mean, he left two weeks ago, and he just got here Saturday. That’s how long it took. That’s like crazy, really slow boat, but the amount of effort that one has to put in to be able to enjoy that experience just means I’m going to appreciate it and get so much more out of it because of that effort. Now, right? Guys that are going to go to the UK, and yes, I, you know, I understand the resistance, but the timing is the timing. The. Calling is the calling, right? If it works out and it’s in the UK, don’t say no, just because it’s in the UK, you’re only doing yourself a disservice, because that’s your calling. That’s the extra effort that you need to, like, you said, to be distance away to kind of, like, maybe I just need to be that far away from home and just recognize, like, wow, the effort I put in to get here, to do this.
Doug Holt 40:21
Like, what’s the number one thing got you? So you’ve been through two alpha resets. You’ve been through one and help support at one, yeah. What’s the number one thing I say at the end of an Alpha Reset, I wish I would have done this sooner. Oh, yeah, I wish I would have done this sooner. So if it’s the UK one go, if it’s the US one go, whatever it is, just go. I always tell guys like, my life’s not going to change. If you go to an Alpha Reset, I don’t change the way I eat all of a sudden my family is not buying a new car. My life does not change. Your life will right, and that gets your butt there, regardless of where it is, and do it immediately
Justin 40:59
But not just my life. Everyone around me again, the gentleman. I was just, I just brought somebody into the program too, right? I mean, he just signed up on Friday, yeah, I didn’t even like share, I didn’t even sell it or nothing. Like, he just, we are in a conversation. I just sent the podcast to him, just when I remember that was like, kind of hitting home, and I just left it. And then he just started asking more questions, and he asked me if I’m part of it, and I just left it. And like, you know, then he had to get a call with Brandon. He had a call with Tyler, and he didn’t realize that. Like, they all know me. He’s like, Dude, I just heard, like, these guys all know you. I’m like, kind of a big deal. You’re a legend, right? Like, he doesn’t know about the wall or anything either, so he’s gonna find out about that, yeah, but I didn’t tell I mean, nothing, nothing at all.
And it just, you know, what’s meant to be will be right? I know it’s so cliche, but I mean, I work very hard at not forcing things, and even when I’m like, on masterclasses and office out, I want to run through a wall and do something immediately, but it’s so important. Just let it simmer, let it happen naturally as it’s supposed to the same thing with building relationships. It’s the same thing when I’m back out in the real world and I have other opportunities, sometimes I’ll say something, other times I won’t it just it depends on what the universe has in store and what my spirit is going to be feeling in that particular moment, and having confidence to know that I trust myself enough, and that’s not possible without being sober, without being reset, without being through this For several years, is not possible.
Doug Holt 42:21
I love it. Let’s end with giving a guy listening to this. It’s resonating with you guys. When we’re talking about what’s one piece of advice you’d want to give to him about camaraderie?
Justin 42:31
I’m letting you take it so you don’t feel like you have to follow me again.
Mike 42:37
Okay, what’s one thing? What’s one bit of advice about camaraderie, I would say it would come around the vulnerability part. I would say that we typically connect on our flaws, not our perfections. I don’t think any human being will ever be perfect. We may try and come across like we’re perfect and hold ourselves to the perfect ideal, but we’re never going to connect by that. And I really feel like, because you coaches as well, you show vulnerability, so you lead with example, rather than, you know, a textbook or theory book way. And when you lead with example, we follow, and we follow with given our vulnerabilities. And I really feel like we can connect on the imperfections, and that brings us closer by just hearing about other people’s struggles and wins. Yeah, it just it shows like we’re all human at the same time, we all are working towards a better version of ourself. And like, just hearing, hearing people’s like perspective around things helps me level up massively and closer. Just bring myself closer to people as well.
Justin 43:48
love it. That was more than one thing. Yeah, I’ll edit that so like, as you were talking, I was thinking of a few things, and really for me, yes, of course, vulnerability, right? Trust, honesty. When I need help, I ask for it. And if I feel like someone might need help, offer it. If somebody’s watching this that may never click, right? Can’t afford it and listen, I get it. It’s not I mean, work is not inexpensive. I mean, it takes a lot of effort to put this all together, right? And, of course, like, and we’re business owners, so, you know, I certainly understand, but hopefully people are able to get free content first of the podcast, like, walk away. Like, I imagine you’re somebody that is struggling, that maybe doesn’t have camaraderie, maybe you don’t have true, authentic relationships.
Find somebody, I guarantee you, there’s somebody in your tribe that you can just ask for help. And you know what? Maybe you don’t really need help, or you don’t help, or you don’t realize it. Maybe you see somebody that needs help, offer help, you know, build a relationship with somebody that is built on truth, trust, transparency, authenticity, no. Bs, right, especially like drinking buddies. Listen, I’ve had plenty of drinking buddies in my life. You know, in all fairness, they were all it was all built on alcohol. And. Just it wasn’t, it wasn’t real, you know, the more real I am, the better of a relationship I am. And if I see somebody that’s like, you know, like I was just sharing about my buddy, and they need anything, what can I do? How can I provide value to your life? What’s going on with you, you know? And that’s, that’s camaraderie, you know, and that just kind of opens up the door, and those that are meant to be in your life will be, and you might get the door closed on you more often than you than you expect. And that’s also okay, so, but the right people will be around when they’re supposed to be
Doug Holt 45:27
absolutely and that was more than one too.
Justin 45:29
Yeah, I figured that was that. That was the door that was open. No, that’s what. I figured. He set the tone.
Doug Holt 45:37
Dude, great examples. I’m gonna throw another one out there to piggyback on both these guys is, look, we’re a movement, and I chose to do this work and leave the other work that I was doing because of that, and that’s why we have over 1000 podcast episodes. We have a free community that’s out there. You can go meet other guys if you don’t feel comfortable talking about what’s going on, or maybe you don’t think you do have, except do think a lot of people don’t have people that are willing to play this game. No bettering themselves. They want to go Tuesday. We do Taco Tuesday, Wednesday. It’s like Groundhog’s Day. And so many people, I see, they’re living their lives like Groundhog’s Day. We got to catch the next episode of What’s that island show everybody’s watching right now?
Love Island. Love Island, you know? And they got, I got to be there when it comes out or and that’s cool. That’s cool for them. The people that we attract here at TPM are not those people. They’re not. Do they watch love Island? Yeah, they do. Because I hear some of the guys, yeah, they’re just talking about but, you know, but it’s that they want better for themselves. If you’re looking for that can’t find it in your community. That’s how I met Tim, right? Tim, Tim couldn’t find it in his community. That’s how we connected eight over eight years ago at this point, is you can have that online, right? You met the guys you were talking about three years ago. If you want to push it, depending on what Echelon you want to play at, or you’re able to play it at this time. But do something. Be vulnerable, share. Reach a handout to somebody else, and take the risk. The communities are out there. And if TPM isn’t the community for you, then find another one, right? So many.
Justin 47:10
There are some and there’s, there’s, but there’s ones that are smaller and way more affordable too. I mean, obviously not in as rich and in depth, but insane. I mean, I started, I had two before I came here, yeah, two different programs that I did before I, before I landed here. I mean, this one is my favorite, of course, but I don’t think I would be, you know, as successful in my own journey, which is still ongoing, had I not had those first two in the beginning. Yeah, you know, and it’s all and they’re all good, like, they’re all good. Just do it.
Doug Holt 47:37
You just gotta do something. Yeah, you gotta get off your ass and do something. You know the day well, you guys are legends, and guys, it’s only day one for this event. I’m so excited for day two, of course, and you guys don’t know what’s going on. Day three, I’m excited for that as well. Now we don’t, yeah, it’s just gonna be a blast.
Mike 47:56
Can I just say that I’ve had hardly any sleep, but I’m the most energetic, and I’m buzzing this whole experience. Yeah, it’s great to be here. It is awesome. And I wanted to say thank you, Doug as well, for doing what you’re doing. You and Tim and Arthur and the coaches, I think you guys have done a great job. Just keep, keep doing it. You’re making huge impact.
Doug Holt 48:14
Thanks, brother. Appreciate that. And Coltyn, absolutely, Justin, and everybody else in the team that’s coming through. You know, there’s 36 I think now, wow, yeah, in the movie making this work, yeah? So all of them play a role. Yeah, I just get to go have fun with you guys. Gentlemen, that’s a wrap for this episode. As I always say, in a moment of insight, take massive action. I know I say that a lot, but think about that, if you’ve had an insight here, right? We’re talking about your community, or we’re talking about other men around you. What does that mean to have that camaraderie? If you don’t have that now and you want it, go do something we, the three of us, just gave you action steps that you can take right now. Some cost money, some cost all cost time. Some are free, right?
There’s things that you can do to build that community, but you can’t be like Justin and myself and stand on the wall hoping someone’s gonna bring the community to you. You get to actively go out there and find it and find the community that resonates with you. And if what we’re talking about and these two guys resonate with you, then I invite you to check out TPM. We just opened our doors to another program. It’s adjacent to non business owners, right to employees. So if that’s something you’re interested in, just inquire. We call it TPM, navigate that is now open and available to people so you can come through. We have, I think, about 60 guys or so in that program right now, and they’re men like you. We open the doors because our mission is to help men, right? We want to help guys like do you want to save the children by helping their fathers first? And so that door is now open. But whatever you do, take some massive action, and we’ll see you next time on the The Powerful Man Show.
