fbpx

Navigating Family Holiday Stress Within The 5 Territories

Episode #748

Are you ready to navigate the holiday season with grace and intention?
 
Wondering how to balance the 5 Territories – self, health, wealth, relationships, and business amidst the festivities?
 
Dive into this insightful episode where Doug and Arthur share tips and strategies to empower men during the holidays.
 
Most men, if not all, struggle to balance various aspects of their lives during the holiday season. Managing self, health, wealth, relationships, and business simultaneously poses a significant dilemma. The need for intentional planning, effective communication, and flexibility becomes apparent as men navigate through family dynamics, expectations, and work commitments during this festive period.
 
In this episode, you’ll learn valuable insights on enhancing your well-being by doubling down on gratitude and reflection.
 
Discover how embracing flexibility and managing expectations can lead to a more joyful holiday experience.
 

Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

Also listen on:

iTunes
Spotify

Doug Holt  00:27

Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. Once again, I am greeted by my good friend Arthur Magoulianiti, one of our master coaches through the program. And, Arthur, what I want to talk about, we got the holidays coming up, and so with the holidays comes a lot of trepidation. There’s a lot of excitement. But as a dad, you and I are both fathers, businessmen. There comes a lot of pressure, right?

In the States, we have Thanksgiving, we have Christmas coming up. If you’re Jewish, you have Hanukkah. There’s all kinds of other celebrations. I don’t know all the religious traditions, so I’m not going to try to do it. And we have New Year’s, and right after New Year’s is divorce day, which, if guys, you’re not aware, is the number one day that divorces are filed. Also, if you’re not aware, over 70% of divorces are initiated and filed by a woman. That goes to 90% if your wife’s got a college degree or higher, 90%.

So what I want to talk about is we’re coming up to the pressure season. The pressure cooker is there. We got end of the year finals, right? For business, you got all the holidays. You got the kids out of school. Depending on the age of your kids coming up, there’s a lot of demands and pressures for a man’s time. Let’s talk about what we can do to make sure that we are firing on all cylinders in all five territories. Now, for the guys that don’t know, the five territories again are self, health, wealth, relationships, and, of course, business. So what are some tips that you have? First of all, have you had any experience having the holiday stressful at all?

Arthur Magoulianiti  01:59

None. Absolutely.

Doug Holt  02:01

Thank you, guys.

Arthur Magoulianiti  02:03

Almost every single time. Almost every single time. And I think the reason that happens is when we at home or outside of the holiday season, we got structures, we got programs, and it’s easy to just flow into that. So whenever something od comes up, we can deal with it pretty much matter of factly.

But with a holiday, there’s no structure usually everything goes out the window. And so that makes it highly unpredictable. I think the key, number one tip here for the guys is we talk about delta rise and shine. And the reason we have an Alpha Rise & Shine is to put you into your most powerful state for the day and to be able to manage that state. A lot of guys think when they go on holiday, they don’t need to do this.

Doug Holt  02:53

Big mistake.

Arthur Magoulianiti  02:54

Huge mistake. Because that’s probably when they need it the most. Yes. And so there’s two parts to this, because the first part is just because you’re on holiday, you’re not on holiday from your alpha horizon shine. That’s key for you to show up powerfully during that day. The second thing around that is that many guys think, oh, well, I don’t have my gym. I don’t have this, I don’t have this. I can’t do my Alpha Rise & Shine.

And so key here is to have that flexibility to say, okay, I don’t have my setup that I have at home, but what can I do here that’s going to help me to put me in that powerful state? So I can’t work out in the gym, fine, I’m going to go for a 5K walk or a run. I’m going to do some press ups in my room. It doesn’t matter what it is. It just matters that you get something done as close to what you usually do that, you know, puts you in a good state.

Doug Holt  03:43

Yeah. And that comes to planning. Right? So we just got done with Banff. Right? So I’m working out and I get to the gym and it doesn’t have the stuff that I want to do for my workout. So I have an app and I replace the exercises. So instead of a hang clean, which is an exercise I like to do, I’m switching it to something else that works those muscle groups based on what’s there at the gym.

And to your point, we had guys there. Matt, the sentry was there, and he was doing basically dive bomber pushups and almost handstand exercises because the machines he wanted to use were taken. So he came up with alternatives to do. So it would have been easy for him to go, oh, well, that machine’s being used. The Smith rack’s being used. I’m just going to go back to my room, relax. It’s holiday. I’m in Banff, relaxing. But he didn’t. And I noticed him. I was watching him out of the corner of my eye. His feet were elevated on a treadmill while he was doing basically inverted push ups. Right? Or if you would, for his shoulders.

So that’s one thing is come prepared, come prepared, bring your exercise clothes, bring alternatives. But then also, if your normal Alpha Rise & Shine an hour, have a 30 minutes version, right? Or 15 minutes version. 15 minutes of attuning yourself and getting yourself down. Know which ones are your dominoes. Then if you know what that is for, you do that. For Tim, it’s journaling, right? For me, it’s exercise. Right? I could skip the journaling and be okay, but if I journal and skip the know, everybody’s got to deal with.

Arthur Magoulianiti  05:15

Yeah. I like walking because it’s an easy one. At home, I’ll go for my 1 hour walk in the mornings, maybe less if I’ve got things going on. But in that 1 hour I can do quite a few things. I get in some fresh air, I’m working out, I’ll walk quite quickly. I can listen to something and that you can do anywhere. Yes, you can do that anyway. Walk around the block if you have to. But yeah, key is do something, be flexible and manage that state starting the morning out.

Doug Holt  05:43

Yeah. And I’ve even done it for guys traveling. If you travel at 06:00 a.m. airport. I’ve walked around the airport so many times that I swear security is going to stop me. Right? Because I’m walking upstairs, downstairs, around the airport. Because you get to an airport early, you got to get there and you have a carry on. You have a backpack or something else to carry on. Use that as weight.

And I have friends that go to the airport and they go to a corner, they’re doing push ups, sit ups. Those are the dedicated for me, I’ll walk around, throw my earbuds into your point. Maybe listen to an audiobook or a podcast like this one to better myself and get myself some steps, some exercise, and also just get myself set up for the day.

Arthur Magoulianiti  06:21

Yeah, I love that. And I love what you said earlier on about having an app that just gives you more ideas, because sometimes we get starved of ideas. You have your program on your excel spreadsheet at home, and then what do I do now? But there’s so many apps out there, you can just download one. Right? Let’s go do a stretch session, for example. And so there is really no excuse not to be able to do something wherever you are.

Doug Holt  06:44

You’re right. So the second thing I see that comes into this a lot is we’re suddenly thrown into environments, we’re around people that trigger us a lot, much more often. Right? So your wife, your partner, whatever you want to call the person in your life, they’re going to be more stressed out, right? There’s an ideal that they’re trying to achieve. I need to be the mom that cooks everything. I need to be the hostess with the mostest. I need to do all these stories in their head. And usually maybe you guys are together 3 hours a day. Now all of a sudden you’re together all day, 24 hours. That can create some additional tensions.

Shit tests will come up and guys, this is the holiday season where they’re going to come up more than normal. You’re going to get more shit tests during the holiday season than you’re going to get at any other time of the year. This is probably why divorce day happens in January, because guys don’t pass these tests. And it finally is the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Arthur Magoulianiti  07:40

Yeah, and I think you said it early on. I think planning is key here as well, because if you’re having like, say, people over, family over, it’s going to be stressful, especially when those family members don’t really arrive as well. But in preparation for that, and because there’s often you have parents coming in, someone’s parents aren’t that accommodating as other parents. And maybe there’s previous history, making sure that you can prepare for the day effectively by planning beforehand.

And what I mean by that is sit down with your partner and say, right, this is what’s got to happen today instead of making it up as you go along. Oh, I got to do this. I got to walk through the day. What needs to happen? Half an hour planning session and allocating roles to that. I’ll do this, this, this, you do that, that, that. Good. Then at least you have a sort of a structure where there wouldn’t have been a structure anyway.

Doug Holt  08:34

Yes. This really happened when my family got together for my dad’s 80th birthday recently. We were here at the ranch. My sister in law got one of our big easel boards that we use for coaching and she said, hey, let’s put a schedule together.

Arthur Magoulianiti  08:46

Awesome.

Doug Holt  08:47

Of what’s going to happen. And I was like, well, the teenager in me doesn’t want a schedule, so let’s call it something different. And we were playing around with it, but the reason being is you had some set expectations and you knew what other people were doing that saved so much drama and problems. Like my son had a soccer game in the morning, so I wouldn’t be available. And all the things that people had going on. Everybody now is at least in communication and a knowing of what could be happening and what possibilities were there. And so now you had, well, communication. Right? We often talk about the two things that cause the most problems in relationships. Unmet expectations. Right?

So, meaning I expect Arthur to make coffee in the morning, and if he doesn’t, then I’m upset. And if I didn’t tell Arthur, that’s a covert contract. We call it. I don’t want to go too deep into this, but that causes upset. Whereas if I say, hey, man, would you mind making coffee in the morning? You could say yes or no. Now I have an expectation.

Second thing is bad communication, thwarted communication, and we have bad communication that also causes upset. And usually that bad communication has to do with expectations in the first place, which goes through. So we have those two things in there, right? You have your failure to be grounded, which is your Alpha Rise & Shine. And then you also have. Now you’re in a position when you’re around a lot of people that trigger you, that you love, care, and respect. You’re around them a lot more when they’re stressed out and going through. So you gave some great things there.

The third thing I want to throw out is when I was, gosh, how old was I? I guess I was in high school or my senior in high school or something. I was working at a mall in Orange County called South Coast Plaza. Very well known, very well to do mall. And I was one of the top sales guys. I was also the stock manager. And I would remember, guess what happens on December 23rd and 24th? Guys run into the store. I mean, run into the store, grab anything that’s left on the shelves, check out and leave. Right? And it’s because they’re freaking out because they need to buy holiday gifts for their wife, their kids, their co-workers, and they haven’t done anything. Here’s the deal. Do you happen to know when Christmas happens this year? What date is it this year?

Arthur Magoulianiti  10:56

I think it’s the 25th.

Doug Holt  10:57

Okay. What date is it going to be next year?

Arthur Magoulianiti  11:01

I think the 25th.

Doug Holt  01:02

Again the next year. The point is, you know, it’s coming.

Arthur Magoulianiti  11:07

It’s not a surprise.

Doug Holt  11:08

Yeah, it shouldn’t be a surprise. It shouldn’t be a surprise. And in the corporate world, we think about this a lot, because in the corporate world, sometimes you’re thinking, oh, client gifts. But you don’t think about them till December 23rd. And so we know it’s coming. So back to the lack of planning, and this creates so much problem and stress again. So it’s the first Monday of the new year is divorce day. This statistically, you can Google it. It’s when most divorces are filed. If guys know that’s coming up, wouldn’t you want to plan? Wouldn’t you want to plan it? A protecting yourself, but B preventing it. Right?

Preventing it by joining a program like The Activation Method early on or whatever else it is you need to do. But it’s that planning. If you know Hanukah is coming up, plan ahead. If you know Christmas is coming up, plan ahead and start planning today. Don’t plan tomorrow. Start thinking about the key people in your life, the gifts you want to get so that when you get towards December 12th, you’re not freaking out to make sure that Amazon package is going to come in time. You have it planned out ahead of time. You can also do that planning and that mitigation, knowing the holidays with who’s coming over for the holidays. Talk to your wife about what’s happening.

If you have a history of drinking too much during the holidays, come up with ways to mitigate that. Go out and fill your fridge right now with non-alcoholic beer or alternatives that are going to slow you down. I’m not saying don’t drink, but slow you down or whatever else is you need to do. The key here is we know this happens every year. Thanksgiving in the US, we just had Canadian Thanksgiving. Us thanksgiving is coming up. We also know that after that you have Christmas, Hanukkah. I can’t think of the Muslim holiday that’s around that time. But you have these things and they come up every year at the exact same time as with New Year’s.

Plan ahead. Put things in place that allow you to thrive in all five territories. And one of those five territories guys is self. How are you taking care of yourself? Because if you’re diminished, you’re going to crack, you’re going to have a fight with your family, there’s going to be a blow up and it’s going to be a problem.

Arthur Magoulianiti  13:17

Yeah, exactly. So a lot of it comes down to planning, as you say, because as well, during those times, everything gets busier. Yes. Everything gets more stressful. People on the road are crazy. And so if you can avoid most of that, you’ve already won half the battle. I think the other thing that’s key, and we always talk to the guys about being the CFO, the chief fund officer. When we bring fun to anything and we can bring it to pretty much everything, it changes everything and it just makes everything flow so much easier.

And so labelling stuff and carrying that identity on the day I’m the CFO, I’m going to bring fun to this day. Helps you to handle those stresses, helps you to handle those people that you might not get on with. And you do that by not engaging. There’s going to be people that are going to say things because they say it every year. And every year you’ve got triggered. This year, just decide they’re going to say it. And I’m not going to get triggered. I’m going to be the CFO. I’m going to laugh it off. I’m going to make a joke. I’m going to move on. I think if we don’t add to the stress but bring some laughter and fun to the game, then we help the situation automatically.

Doug Holt  14:26

Yes. And how do you do that? Right? You do that by making sure you’re fulfilled in all five territories. Not just one, not just two, but all five. So again, boys, that’s self-right. How are you filling your own cup? I think the Alpha Rise & Shine to your point is the best way. I’ll throw in the decompression in there because I think that’s still important. So we have the alpha decompression, which is how you release the pressure valve before you go home and walk into the house. You still can have that even if you’re not going to work. An evening walk is a great way I do it with my family and.

Arthur Magoulianiti  14:56

I’d say just to b*** in there quickly, you should build in some decompression during this time because in the evening, in the afternoon, you may need an energy boost. So schedule something just for you. 5 minutes. Take a breather, have a coffee or whatever. And then keep going.

Doug Holt  15:14

Yeah. And it comes down to knowing yourself. So last night you’re visiting. Tim’s visiting. Colton’s here. You guys are out having dinner. I had this deep desire to rush to come see you guys, but I also knew I needed 5 minutes by myself just to take a deep breath. We were traveling. We had been a….

Arthur Magoulianiti  15:31

Busy time.

Doug Holt  15:32

Yeah. And I was with my family before that. And by the time you guys came back, I felt 100% filled. I only needed 5 minutes. But when you need those 5 minutes, take it. In the past, I have a history of going, okay, I can handle it. Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it. I can handle it.

Arthur Magoulianiti  15:50

Until you can’t.

Doug Holt  15:51

Until you can’t. And that never is pretty.

Arthur Magoulianiti  15:53

That’s never pretty. Exactly.

Doug Holt  15:55

So then we also have health, right? This is a time when a lot of us eat more, we drink more, we do all of those things. Find ways of mitigating those extra pounds, enjoy life. I’m a big fan of that. Sometimes eat dessert first. And also, what are your goals and how can you set one realistic goals? This is not the time probably to go on an extreme weight loss diet and so many people do. This is a time to figure out what those realistic goals and how can you mitigate that? Eat the protein first, right? Have some fibre, like learn those strategies that fitness models or other people do. Just don’t take it to the extreme.

And then also, how can you get your workouts done? I know for me, if I lift heavy weights, which we and I talked about, but this works for me. If I lift heavy weights, it reduces my stress. I’m a better human being to be around. Whereas when I skip my workouts or I skip things, it sets me back a notch and I don’t show up as the best version of myself for myself or for anybody else.

Arthur Magoulianiti  16:54

Yeah. I like that idea of find something that’s going to boost you, that really works for you, but also get smart with how you’re eating. I’m also a proponent of don’t carry your diet on or don’t be so strict through the holiday period. It’s just not going to work. You’re not going to have fun. So let yourself go a little bit. But you can be clever about how you do it. There’s a way to eat, as you say, stock up on the protein first, put the sugary stuff at the end. That’s going to help.

Maybe you want to figure out what drinks are going to work better for you instead of just drinking whatever’s in front of you. Maybe a clean spirit if that’s what you want, over a beer or something might work better for you. So once again, planning have a strategy on how to manage the food that is inevitably going to be tempting you throughout this time period.

Doug Holt  17:46

Yeah. So for my previous life and just knowing and still knowing so many guys that are fitness models, one of the guys that I worked with was on the cover of most covers of men’s fitness. And so some of the things that he would do as an example, and I’ll just give a couple of quick strategies, is he would fast until Thanksgiving dinner. Right? Still exercise, work out. And the thought process is think of your body as a fuel tank. Maybe you have 3000 calories and then once you have anything more, it overflows and that’s fat.

And so instead of having eating breakfast, lunch, and then this huge Thanksgiving meal that we have here in the states, he would wait and just have that 3000 calories for dinner. This is why often you’ll see these fitness guys eating ice cream and pumpkin pie and all these things that most people are like. How does he maintain that? It’s because he’s being strategic. He doesn’t have pumpkin pie every day, but he’s having it now and he’s being strategic about it.

Those guys also, those are the people you’re going to see in the gym on the holidays. They go in the gym, they hit it hard, or they do it at home. They get their metabolism revved up and so that they can have the beers with the boys and the pizza or whatever else comes up for whatever holiday they’ve just planned ahead, they’ve been proactive rather than reactive.

Arthur Magoulianiti  18:59

Yeah, I love that. I think that is so powerful. Intermittent fasting. And you can have the dessert. All right. As long as you’re not having the dessert three times a day.

Doug Holt  19:14

Wait a minute.

Arthur Magoulianiti  19:17

And then I think you also got to just know that we spoke about this previously. It can’t be perfect. It’s not going to be perfect. You got to retain a level of flexibility throughout the day as things are going. So even if you’ve done your planning and even though everything is kind of in place, you’re still going to have some funny stuff coming up and people reacting or whatever it is, you’ve got to retain a level of flexibility and just say, okay, there’s nothing perfect about this. You got to flow with it. So I think having flexibility, being the CFO, doing a lot of planning, pre planning, that’s going to pay dividends for sure.

Doug Holt  19:59

I agree. So we’ve got self, right? We’ve got health. Now we have wealth, which wealth within the powerful man isn’t just about money, it’s about abundance. Right?  Abundance of energy. It could be spirituality as well. Right? This could be a great time to do reflection, to double down on whatever spirituality means to you, whether it be reading the Bible, prayer could also be the universe, whatever it is for you. But really doubling down on this idea of abundance coming through, and I think a great way for men to do it, this portion of the year is through reflection.

Arthur Magoulianiti  20:32

Yeah. And part of that as well is the gratitude around that. Reflect on the gratitude that you have for the moment, for the day, whatever the day is for your family, for having all this family. Often we can get like, I’m going to do this again. But actually you get to do this again. You get to share this time with these people that are obviously important in your life because they’re in your life. And so you have to cherish that. And the only way to do that is to actually appreciate it and be intentional about being grateful for it.

So whatever your grateful practice is, I mean, gratitude is a scientific thing. It actually boosts your psychology. It’s proven. So we should be doing it, but do it properly. It’s not about making a list. And I’ve say I’ve done my list. It’s about writing down something and actually just feeling into that and saying, actually, that’s quite cool. I get to travel. That’s quite cool. I get to meet up with my family. And so gratitude is a key part of that reflection for me.

Doug Holt  21:37

I love that. I love that a lot. I remember a comedian talking about gratitude, and I’ll relate this and how you’re never supposed to tell comedians jokes, but he’s talking about people and he’s on a plane when Wi-Fi first comes first. Like one of the first flights with Wi Fi, maybe you’ve heard this, it’s hilarious. And he’s talking about, I think it’s Lewis CK that does this joke. You guys can look it up on YouTube. And he’s talking about they’re on the flight and like halfway through the flight, the Wi-Fi goes out and the guy next to him starts yelling and complaining about the Wi-Fi going out.

And he’s like, you’re in a chair flying at 700 air, and this new thing, all of a sudden you have connected to the Internet comes out and now you’re upset about it. But you can think about that with all kinds. I often think about with young kids traveling. I’m literally in a chair in the sky. I don’t know how this all works. I have the basic theories, but I can’t go build a plane myself.

And so making it easy to find gratitude is my point. Making it easy wins for yourself. Pro tip here though as well, is if your wife or your mother in law, if she’s the one that triggers you the most, or your kids or your father in law, or whoever it be, if whoever it is that usually triggers you the most during the holidays, do a daily gratitude practice around that person and the holiday will go much smoother. Right? That’s a key trick.

Arthur Magoulianiti  23:01

Yeah. Love that. I love that. One more thing is get rid of your expectations for the day. I think often we expect things to happen like this, like this. And maybe this taps into the earlier point I made about flexibility. They go hand in hand, I think, but don’t have these expectations for the day. Just let the day flow. If you let the day flow without having that expectations, I think you just don’t set up yourself for any failures down the line, because a day will go one way or another. It could go multiple ways, but if you’re in an expectation, it’s got to go this way. Then you’re holding yourself to a high standard for what potentially is a very, very difficult day.

Doug Holt  23:40

Yeah. Which is supposed to be a celebration.

Arthur Magoulianiti  23:42

Which is supposed to be celebration. Yeah.

Doug Holt  23:44

Ironic, right?

Arthur Magoulianiti  23:45

Yeah.

Doug Holt  23:46

So we’ve got self, health, wealth. Now, the fourth territory, the one that trips most men up, relationships, which we’re kind of talking about with a lot of these things as you’re coming in, what are some tips for these relationships?

Arthur Magoulianiti  23:58

Communication is key. Yeah, I think. And that goes back to the earlier point of planning, sitting down, having a conversation, and really just owning the roles. Right? I think that’s key. And not just on one of these days. I think as a whole in your relationship, you should have clear roles. I do this, you do that. Right?

Because that just clears up so many problems and so much confusion. So having clear roles, being once again the CFO, I think communicating through the day and just sitting down during the day and saying, all right, can we just grab 5 minutes? Where are you? Is there anything else I can do for you? I think we know the three words that the feminine wants to hear is, I got this, right? If she hears I’ve got this, then she can just go and just take that breath.

So, touch points during the day. Is there anything else that I can do for you? Is there anything else I can help? Just being there, especially if, like, my wife, she’ll cook, right? And she cooks a feast and she’s in the kitchen, and you don’t want to go in the kitchen when she’s cooking. It’s her domain. You stay out. But if I poke her my head in and say, like, anything I can do for you, there’s usually one or two, three things that she’s thinking about that she can’t get to because she’s in the mix of things that I can just take off her plate that helps her relax.

Doug Holt  25:17

Called partnership.

Arthur Magoulianiti  25:18

Yeah, that’s it. That’s it. Exactly that. So just being aware of what’s going on and who needs what and checking with those people.

Doug Holt  25:23

Yeah. And to tie into that, my wife cooks, too. What I’ll do sometimes if she says no, depending on the time of day, of course. Obviously. Sometimes I’ll pour her a glass of wine and just walk by or a cup of coffee. I’ll walk by, just set it down, give her a quick, I won’t say a word, kiss on the cheek, and I’ll walk away. Right? And even if she didn’t want the coffee, just knowing that we’re thinking of that person and whoever it is could be my brother, whatever. I don’t kiss him on the cheek. But you get the idea. They’ll get the idea, they’re thought off.

Arthur Magoulianiti  25:23

Yeah, that’s it. Consideration and assistance and support. Okay, I don’t need Doug right now, but I know he’s here, and so if I need to, then I can just reach out. The worst thing we can do is just disappear into your office. I got 5 minutes. I want to go do some work. And you lose out on that connection and that feeling that you’re on for her.

Doug Holt  26:12

Yeah. You and I can go hours on this topic for any of these categories, but I’m going to give one more tip that I see happen a lot. Oftentimes arguments happen during the holidays, right? We have different political opinions, or maybe we have different religious beliefs, or maybe it’s different sports, whatever it is. And people start fighting because they want so badly for the other person to understand them and realize that they are right.

So first seek to understand, then be understood. And you can even throw out the second part. You could throw it out the window. So as an example, my in-laws have very. How can I say this? They have very strong. Steadfast is the word I’m looking for political beliefs. If their political party of choice says go dance on 1ft, they would dance on 1ft. If it right away says the left foot’s horrible, dance on the right one, they would switch, and that’s the one to do. So it used to just drive me nuts, mainly because do you think for yourself would be what I was thinking, I’m going to get in trouble for this, but that’s okay.

Then when I started coming from a place which created a lot of disconnect from us, right. Just tension that they probably didn’t know why, but there was just tension. Then when I came from a place of just trying to understand, what did your parents believe? Oh, interesting. Where did you adopt that thought? Okay. Then it became connection. I came from a place of just trying to get to know them rather than the thing that they were talking about. Right?

I could agree or disagree. In this case, I didn’t agree with what they were talking about. However, when I came from a place of trying to understand them, I came more connection. Then the conversation went from politics to their childhood. How was it growing up on a farm? Oh, it was a dairy farm. Okay, cool. Did you milk cows a lot? Right? And then it changes. One is it changes the subject from a hot one to understanding where their political beliefs or religious or whatever else comes in. And I think when you can come from that place, one is it helps the other person. Two, it diffuses the whole conversation, but you also are able to redirect the conversation on something that’s more productive.

Arthur Magoulianiti  28:24

I love that. I love that. And you’re talking about curiosity.

Doug Holt  28:26

Yes.

Arthur Magoulianiti  28:27

If you’re just curious about why that person believes what he believes, as you say, then you can guide the conversation. It’s not about you proving yourself and them trying to prove themselves. You don’t have to prove anything. You can believe what you can believe and they can believe what they can believe. All right. But you don’t have to settle it there. And so I love that. Get curious, understand where they’re going, where they’re coming from with that thought. Divert the conversation or just don’t go into politics. Don’t go into politics. Don’t go into any of the contentious subjects and try avoid it.

Doug Holt  29:02

Yeah, well, sometimes you can’t. Right? And that’s the deal. But yeah, you be yourself, but also know your audience. Right? You know if it’s going to cause a problem or not. And if you believe something steadfastly, you don’t need to prove it to somebody else. Right? You don’t need to prove your religion is better. If you truly believe your religion is great, then et cetera. Okay?

So got self, got health, got wealth, we got relationships. Now the fifth category, business. This is the end of Q4. A lot happens at the end of Q4. Business tends to slow down, revenue tends to slow down and, or depending on your business, it also could be a quick time to get those final contracts in and signed before the actual year ends. So what are some tips for these guys on how it would handle the business? They’re away from the business in terms of time because they have constraints from the relationship and we’re coming to the end of the year.

Arthur Magoulianiti  30:00

Yeah, well, one of the things is, you know, December is going to slow down. Everyone expects in December to slow down.

Doug Holt  30:09

Except for business owners.

Arthur Magoulianiti  30:11

Yeah. But don’t be that guy that actually slows down, which once again is going to come down to preparation because, you know, you’re going to have time off. But what happens if you step up in that last month? You make plans to step up when everyone’s slowing down. You step up so that you can hit January on an upswing instead of you starting January from ground zero. So I think one of the things is don’t treat December like December. Treat it like another great month. And obviously some businesses, December is their great month. But treat as a platform instead of an end of the year thing. That’s number one.

Number two, planning, planning, planning, planning. Because you’re going to have time off. You’re not going to be able to do everything you usually do you want to do. And so what needs to be done, right. And I think making a list of what needs to be done, what would be nice to be done and then separating that so you get the critical stuff done. You got that ticked in the box and if you have some time then you can do the rest of the stuff. But you’re going to have to obviously trim down what you normally do, especially if you got staff going off around that time as well.

Doug Holt  31:25

Yeah, that’s what I was going to say is the latter. Realize that your staff is going to be taking time off, too. I’ll speak for myself as a business owner. Oftentimes during the holidays I’ll keep working. Right? And my wife just knows that’s me. Right? So I might get up at four in the morning on Thanksgiving and put in 4 hours of work before everybody starts getting going, whereas I can’t expect everybody else on my team to do that. Right? That’s just not who they are. That’s not the expectation. It’s not what they want. So you get to set that expectation of them as well. So even if you’re going to crank things out and you’re going to push those projects or initiatives or sales forward, you got to realize you’re going to have probably less resources at your disposal when you have a question or what have you and, or communicate it.

So maybe there is a possibility of like, hey, take a week off and I’ll only reach out to you in the case of emergency. But my expectation is you get back to me at this time and maybe that’s the relationship you have within your organization. That’s one I usually set is I’m going to try not to reach out to you, but if I do, you’re going to know it’s important and therefore you can also rest assured that you don’t have to worry about the other things.

But like you said, when does Christmas come December 25th? You know this is coming, guys. You know this is happening. You know there’s going to be relationship problems or could be right if you don’t mitigate those problems. So you got these things coming. This is a great time to reflect and plan the new year ahead of time. Reflect on the closing.

Yes. You don’t have all your numbers in, I get it. But you have a pretty friggin good idea. And you can use this as a time to reflect on what worked. What are the lessons where you want to go and take some time to unplug from the computer or from whatever it else is and think about, hey, is my business serving me to my highest level? Am I serving the world through my business at the highest level? And if the answer is no, start looking for something else.

I think all too often, well, we talked to thousands upon thousands of business leaders. A lot of men feel they’re stuck in their business because they’ve been doing it for 20, 30 years. You’re not stuck. You can pivot, you can change. This is a good time to reflect on that. Where do you want growth to be in 2024? Where do you want it to be? Do you want it to be in your relationships? What is it? Maybe if your marriage isn’t, on average an eight out of ten most of the year, better change something about that. Right?

You better get on there because divorce day is coming in January, so then you can start planning, sign up for a course, get on a call for the activation method. I don’t want this just to sound self-serving, but I do think it’s the best thing out there. But maybe it’s something different. Maybe you want to get fitness. You don’t have to wait till the New Year to set a new year’s resolution for fitness. If you know, hey, you know what? In January, I’m going to start working out regularly. Do it now.

Arthur Magoulianiti  34:16

Yeah. Or book that trip and surprise her with a trip in the future.

Doug Holt  34:19

Yes.

Arthur Magoulianiti  34:20

Something to look forward to.

Doug Holt  34:21

That’s right.

Arthur Magoulianiti  34:22

Yeah. One thing as well is there’s going to be the inevitable fights, disagreements during the day. And I think you just get to clean that up pretty quickly. Don’t let it stagnate because it’s just going to multiply and expand. And so definitely just if there’s a disagreement, sit down with your partner, sort it out right then and then. So then you can, guys can bounce off and carry on and have a great day instead of spoiling the whole day because of one little disagreement.

Doug Holt  34:50

I agree. Yeah. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff.

Arthur Magoulianiti  34:54

And it’s all small stuff.

Doug Holt  34:55

And it’s true with all those areas. So, guys, there you have it. You have five areas. Five areas that you can work on. Self, health, wealth, relationships, and business. We call them the five territories within the powerful man. It’s a great starting place and a foundation. And, you know, these holidays are coming. You know it. So it’s on you. If you don’t take action right now, it is on you. And I’m calling you forward because I’ve been there. I know Arthur’s been there, where you’re like, oh, like, how is this happening again? Start prepping today. Start prepping today. If there’s an area that you’re weak in, start working on that today.

What are the five territories are going to cause you the most problems? Or, said another way, what are the areas of the five? What? What are? Which one of the five territories again, self-health, wealth, relationships, and business are going to give you the most fulfillment. If they’re going really well coming into the new year and the holidays, take action now on that area. Whatever it is, plan and take action. If it’s getting an expert to help you in your health or your relationship, do that today. Don’t wait. Do it now. If it’s something with your business, do it today. Don’t wait. Do it now.

This is coming on the other side of this is divorce day. 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. 90% of the divorces are initiated by the wife. If she’s got a college education or greater, nobody thinks they’re going to be one of them. But over 50% of marriages ended divorce boys. So it’s time to make sure you’re being proactive in saving yourself, saving your marriage, and also saving your family. As we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.