Mastering The Art Of Receiving

Episode #681

Why is it important to cultivate the ability to receive?

How many men struggle with receiving compliments, acts of kindness, and support from others, often stemming from feelings of unworthiness or a need to control situations?

By learning to receive, men can establish a healthy cycle of energy exchange, foster deeper connections, and experience a sense of equality with others. Moreover, practicing self-love and acknowledging one’s own accomplishments is crucial in order to fully embrace and enjoy what has been created.

Ultimately, the ability to receive requires introspection and a willingness to let go of guilt and the need for constant action.

In the latest episode, Tim and Arthur discuss the significance of allowing oneself to receive to have a more balanced and fulfilling life.

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Transcription

Tim Matthews  00:42

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Powerful Man Show. I am your host, Tim Matthews, with my co-host, Mr. Arthur Magoulianiti.

Arthur Magoulianiti  00:54

Hello. Hello. Hello. How are we doing, Tim?

Tim Matthews  00:57

I’m doing well, brother. How are you?

Arthur Magoulianiti  00:59

I’m good, thank you. I’m really good. It’s been a great day.

Tim Matthews  01:02

Yeah. You’ve been leading a lot of coaching calls today.

Arthur Magoulianiti  01:05

I’ve had a few. A fair few. Yeah. And stepping in for one or two coaches that are out and about doing their thing out in the world.

Tim Matthews  01:14

Yeah. So for those of you that don’t know who Mr. Magoulianiti is, I would definitely encourage you to check out some of his previous podcasts because he’s shed a lot of wisdom in the past. So Arthur is one of the head coach at TPM and partners with us as well on some of our coaching programs, in particular The Inner Circle, which is a very high-level mastermind limited to ten men, ten business owners, or people invest upwards of 85 kids be a part of it. So, needless to say, Arthur Magoulianiti is an amazing coach. Family man has an amazing story, which he has covered on other podcasts. So if you want to get to know him a little bit better, either head over to the website, check out his bio, or search those podcasts.

So the thing that we want to talk about today, brother and you came up with this topic after a bit on The Inner Circle call with the men, because it came up there, I think you said it came up as well in another coaching call today.

Arthur Magoulianiti  02:09

Yeah, that’s correct. And it’s the whole subject of receiving of receiving of putting ourselves in a position where we actually stand, sit back and actually receive something instead of always being the ones that actually give and do and provide. And it’s for fun, guys. It’s a very uncommon territory and one that they tend to avoid quite a bit. And so I think that would make a great discussion topic for today.

Tim Matthews  02:38

Yeah, I love it. Let’s do it. So do you want to give those listeners a little bit of context as to how it came up in the coaching calls today?

Arthur Magoulianiti  02:47

Yeah, well, one guy was talking about how he usually, you know, when he invites people over and he likes or he invites people to go out, and he does it fairly often because he’s a generous guy. And he invited these people over. And what they did was they actually snuck away to the waiters, waitress or waiter and told him that they were going to pay for that meal that day, that evening.

And he kind of caught him off guard, you know, just like they paid and yes, that was one where the people he actually made the people, by the way, that he shows up usually to go behind his back to make sure that they pay because he doesn’t really allow that to happen. And it’s interesting because there’s a whole thing in the Greek culture of doing exactly that and we can get on to that.

The other person was the other guy was talking about how — because there’s Father’s Day coming up in various parts of the world this Sunday and how he was really just getting in the space of allowing things to come to him as well as to receive. And his focus this week was to actually put himself in a position of receiving around Father’s Day and just being there open to whatever comes his way.

And it came on the back of a bit of him saying he was actually like loving himself more than he ever has and hence being able to open up to receive more, which is a great connection because that’s where it comes from in part. So yeah, just both those were today, which is quite odd and a few guys have been talking about that in the last couple of weeks as well.

Tim Matthews  04:21

Yeah, a great point. First story there is that big sexy who was sharing that.

Arthur Magoulianiti  04:25

It was indeed yeah, it was indeed.

Tim Matthews  04:29

Nice. Yeah. So I think let’s just touch on let’s define what it means to receive for the listeners so they can really understand itself. So in your opinion, I mean, there is no definition, right, to receive, but in your opinion, what does it mean to receive?

Arthur Magoulianiti  04:44

I would say receiving is being open to others, doing things for you. Yeah. Whether that is to give you a compliment, all right, and you let it land instead of deflecting it, whether other people actually you allow other people to treat you, you know,  with no strings attached and do acts of kindness for you. Those are the kind of things that we’re talking about. Something else that just came shot into my head but I think it doesn’t shot out as quickly as it came in, but it’s really letting people, you know,  allowing people to bestow kindness on you, I guess is a short definition of that.

Tim Matthews  05:28

Yeah. And it’s huge. I mean, look and if you a business owner, a guy, someone’s listening to this show and you brush off compliments or someone gives you a compliment and you plate down or you just find yourself, it just feels odd and it just doesn’t sit right with you. These are all signs that you are just pushing away the compliment, and you’re not receiving it, right? Big sexy going for dinner. That person paid for dinner, and he said when he got home, he reflected upon it, and he really struggled to receive their kindness.

He felt guilty, in fact, like he should have paid for dinner. So these are all ways you can really begin to, just as you’re listening, start to ask yourself the question, okay, how comfortable am I with receiving? How often do I allow myself to receive? And you’ll probably find that it’s pretty rare. So a lot of guys struggle with it, a lot of business owners, especially. So in your opinion, then, Arthur, what are some of the consequences of guys struggling to receive? How does this impact them?

Arthur Magoulianiti  06:29

Well, there’s impact on themselves, and there’s impact on others. Yeah. The impact on themselves is if we think of energy coming in and going out, if we are only willing to give out, right? We are stopping that cycle of energy, of giving and receiving, it is a continuum. And so we restrict that energy. If you think about it, you know,, we can’t just keep giving out without bringing in. You know, we can’t keep driving the car without actually filling it up. If we’re only giving, that’s only part of the equation. A healthy, energetic exchange with us and the universe and the people around us.

So I think, for one, is we need that in order to allow for that energetic cycle to continue to complete and again and again and again, to let the energy flow for other people, we actually rob them of the opportunity for them to give to us, to others. And as much as we love most of us love giving. Right? We don’t often put ourselves in other people’s position, thinking, well, they also love giving. And so we rob them of that opportunity by us being pretty selfish about it. Yeah. Oh, no, I got to be the one to give, you know,. Those are at least a couple of reasons why it’s really important to do that.

Tim Matthews  07:46

Creates connection, right?

Arthur Magoulianiti  07:49

It does create connection, and it creates a sense of equality as well, you know. You’re letting other people step up as well. I think sometimes people get caught up in a bit of a level of superiority. Oh, no, I’m the one to provide. I’m the one to give. And whether it’s Ego, whether it’s a potentially confused state of, like, well, I’m the provider, you know, I’m the man, I got to do this. As I was talking about the Greek culture, , you know, it’s like, the guy that pays is the man, you know. And so there are fights about who pays.

Literally, at the restaurant, you’ll see people fighting, no, I’m paying. No, I’m paying. No, I’m paying. And then you have people sneaking off. It’s crazy, but that’s what it is. And so I think ego gets involved a little bit. I think it’s a case of, you know, we want to control the situation. And people sometimes think, well, if I let other people give, then I lose the initiative here, I lose control. It could also be a whole thing of intimacy, right? It kind of forces you to open up, right, and people don’t uncomfortable with that, you know. Some people uncomfortable with that because it gets intimate. If you think about actually receiving a compliment and letting it land, that’s quite an intimate thing.

Tim Matthews  09:00

That’s a big thing, letting it land, right?

Arthur Magoulianiti  09:02

Yeah, exactly.

Tim Matthews  09:05

I think a lot of guys struggle with it as well, right? Because the subconscious narrative there is that they’re not worthy of it. They’re not worthy of receiving the compliment. We spoke about on a podcast, six, seven, eight, a few podcasts ago, Doug and I spoke about self-deprecation and how if you’re doing self-deprecation but you don’t believe it, then can be a bit of humor, a bit of jest. The trouble with a lot of people that do is actually believe it, right? Believe those things are telling them the same about themselves and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Well, same is true here with receiving. Oftentimes the guys struggle to receive a compliment, whatever it may be. Hey, you’re looking good. Oh, thanks for doing that. You’re so kind. Whatever it may, they don’t see themselves as in that way. They don’t see themselves as looking good, been in shape. They don’t see themselves as being a kind, loving man or they don’t see themselves in whatever way they’ve been described, typically as a result that they brush it off. So they don’t feel worthy of receiving. And to your point, energy in, energy out, it becomes a very tiring and exhausting journey, right? When you’re constantly giving and giving and giving and giving and never allowing yourself because that’s all it is.

One, you need to be aware of this concept. Two, once you’re aware of it and you understand whether it’s working for you or against you, the key shift there in my opinion, and curious to your thoughts, is it’s a choice to allow yourself, you give yourself permission to start receiving and it’s going to feel weird at first. That compliment that you receive. When you say yes or thank you, and you sit with it for a split second, you’re going to smile with it and it’s going to feel strange and it’s going to feel like, am I being arrogant? Is that okay? Can I do that?

And it’s also a muscle though. As you begin to do that, the muscle gets stronger and you feel better. Your self-image improves. Weirdly enough, you have less to prove to others, so you tend to stop trying to be the first one to pay for the bill. Right? Because you begin to be more comfortable with who you are. Less to prove, less to hide as this receiving starts to kick in.

Arthur Magoulianiti  11:17

Yeah, it’s definitely an inside job. Once again, as most of the stuff is, and I think it actually starts with you giving to yourself as well. That’s where it begins because, as you say, it is a case of many guys feel unworthy. And we often find this and that guys work really hard to create amazing results, but they never really enjoy them because they don’t allow themselves to enjoy it because that would be what? That would be like, letting them myself off the hook kind of thing. And like, no, I don’t deserve this. So it’s unworthiness. I don’t deserve this. I got to work harder, you know,. Boom, boom, boom. Like getting smacked over the head continuously. At what point do you actually say stop and say, actually, I’ve created a lot here. I’ve done a lot. I’m a good guy. I get to enjoy what I’ve created and what I’ve produced here. And that means actually receiving, you know.

And so receiving starts with you. I mean, the irony is I’ve got, like, a reminder here that comes up, you know,  every now and then that says, like, how can I receive more in this moment? Because this is some of the work that I’ve been doing. And it’s amazing. Sometimes in the moment, I’m thinking, like, there’s nothing I can do right now, you know, and that’s fair enough. And sometimes, actually, I’m going to stop feeling guilty about what I’m doing right now and just enjoy doing that because I think a lot of guys feel guilty, number one, about what they perceive as, I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be working. I should be doing this. I should be providing I did crap with my partner today. No, I don’t deserve any goodness. And that’s not true. And unless we actually go out there and actually answer the question, how can I receive more for myself? We’ll never accept more from other people, and that energy just breaks down.

Tim Matthews  13:03

Yeah. And the thing is, as well, when we look at ourselves through that lens of essentially not enough, I don’t deserve this, I need to work harder, basically not receiving things. You look at other people through the same lens as well. Right? It’s very difficult to praise your wife if you’re looking at yourself through a critical lens. It’s going to be far more likely if you’re looking at yourself through a critical lens, which means you’re not going to receive. You’re going to also look at your wife through a critical lens, look at your kids through a critical lens. You’re going to look at your staff through a critical lens. Right? And it’s going to create distance between you guys as well.

Arthur Magoulianiti  13:43

Yeah. I mean, whatever you’re doing to yourself, you’re doing to everybody else. You’re judging yourself that harshly. You’re judging everybody else that harshly. It begins with yourself. And it’s imperative, I think it’s a key skill, to be honest, that we develop being able to receive. It’s not a nice to do or I should do. I think you have to do it. You have to do the work to be comfortable saying, thanks for the compliment, you know, I feel it, you know. Thanks for dinner, you know, I appreciate it. And be good with it. Not just words. Be good with it here, Because I mean, [inaudible 00:14:15] in the head, I got to do this, I got to do this. [inaudible 00:14:17] but to actually land, you know, and really be appreciate, you know, appreciative of it. That’s when it really starts hitting home.

Tim Matthews  14:29

Yeah. And when you actually choose to begin mastering the art of receiving, that’s why, you know,  there’s a reason why we use the word art to receiving, right? Because it is. It’s an art, really. It’s going to ebb and flow and change and look different and feel different. And it’s not a mechanical, logical thing. Yes, become aware of it. And that’s going to take some conscious awareness, if you will.

But it’s really about being it’s about doing less and being more and allowing those things to land. I think that’s the key word, right? Because you can’t convince yourself, you’ll know, if you’re receiving something, because you will feel better on the side of it, you might feel happier, you might feel more energized, you might have more clarity. There’ll be a whole host of things you’ll feel, right? As a result of receiving.

If you try and convince yourself you’re receiving by telling yourself you are, but it doesn’t land for you, you’re not going to feel any different. I know there’s a lot of guys in the movement that we’ve spoken to about this. As a result, their self-image improves, how they see themselves as they begin to really say yes and thank you and more and whatever it might be to the universe, let’s say, because they’re receiving things, it’s one way to receive.

It could be a project, it could be a great employee on your team, it could be a loving partner, whatever it may be, right? It just seems to have crossed your path. A lot of the guys will speak into existence and say, yes, thank you more, could be a compliment, thank you, could be, to your point, accepting dinner. But as they do this, as they break down the walls that they’ve put up between them and making life hard, they begin to see themselves differently, begin to feel differently about themselves and about life as well.

Typically, their mood goes up, they get happier, they get more playful, they become more relaxed. That little bit of playfulness and cockiness tends to come back for them. Life tends to have a little bit more color to it. They begin to say yes to themselves, bigger things as well. It’s a muscle that tends to grow. That project or that business or whatever it may be, they’ve been resisting, they start to give themselves permission to dream and go after it.

Arthur Magoulianiti  16:48

I love that, what you said. They’re saying yes to themselves, right? Saying yes to themselves because as so many guys are just saying no continuously to themselves, right? No, I can’t do that until this, until this, until this, until this, until this. But most of the guys in the movement have done such great work to get to where they are, you know,  and at one point do they actually decide, actually, I can reward myself, I deserve more, I can enjoy more of what I’m creating. Saying yes to yourself, it’s opening doors for you.

But also as you shift, as you change, everybody around you is going to start shifting and changing, and suddenly you lift everyone around you as well, you know. Yeah, I guess the key question is here is like, how can I say yes to myself more often and how can I get to receive more in this moment? I think both those two questions are something that you guys get to put on your phones as reminders twice a day or something like that, just to be reminded in the moment.

And maybe in that moment, there’s nothing more than to just say thank you, thank you for everything that’s in your life. Or maybe in that moment, it’s just like, hey, yeah, you know, we’re, you know, going to go for the walk or stay up longer or do something else that’s just going to bring some joy at some level of joy, some level of love, some level of appreciation to your life more so than before.

Tim Matthews  18:09

Yeah. What comes to mind for me when you said that as well, is that the levels of consciousness, right, different emotions carry with them, different levels of energy, if you will. Heavier emotions that we feel like guilt, anger, frustration, apathy and such, they tend to vibrate at a lower frequency, hence them in heavier. The way is down. On the flip side, on the top end of the spectrum, you’ve got love, joy, peace, and they vibrate a much higher frequency and a much lighter and uplifting.

And that came to mind, as you were saying, about what enters into your life as you start to receive more, because you definitely begin to experience more joy, more gratitude, more happiness. And I can remember when I first heard this. It was such a strange concept. What do you mean receive? Like, what do you mean intentionally receive? And I just gave it a shot. I just gave it a try, and it had a profound impact on my life. So let’s leave the listeners with three practical things they can do right now to begin mastering the art of receiving.

Arthur Magoulianiti  19:14

Okay, so one is like I just said, I think a reminder to actually be in that conversation. Whether it’s a reminder on their phone, it’s a posted on their computer screen, it’s like, how can I receive more? How can I be open to receiving more? Just as a memory jog and for me, it works great on the phone. That’s number one. I think number two is next time someone gives you a compliment, don’t deflect it. Right? Don’t deflect it, don’t joke about it, so much. We hide so much with humor because we don’t want to open and go into that intimate space. Rather just take a deep breath, say thank you, and just feel the good intention that that compliment was meant for, you know,  as and then land on your heart. I think those are two good ones. A third.

Tim Matthews  20:06

May I give a third?

Arthur Magoulianiti  20:08

Yeah, of course.

Tim Matthews  20:09

Yes. This was something that I haven’t done for a while, actually, but I used to do pretty often the idea of mindful eating, right? So it’s the idea of when you’re with a meal, just being with the meal now, you don’t have to do this every meal, right? Maybe pick one meal in the day or practice it a few times a week, whatever.

The point of it is that you’re going to be present with the meal and you can actually receive the smell, the taste, the flavors, and just almost like sitting in gratitude for the meal as well, but instead taking it a step further, actually receiving the taste and really being there with it. And whatever sound you may make, emmmm, be it whatever you may say thank you, whatever it is, right? Just practicing the mindful eating is a great way for you to be active, receiving.

Arthur Magoulianiti  21:00

Love that one. Love that one. I tend to walk my food down too quickly at times, and I get to be a lot more mindful of it.

Tim Matthews  21:10

Me too. Even just considering how the food made it to your plate, like the effort going all the way back to the farmer or even the energy from the sun to grow the crop or whatever it is you’re eating. Whatever, right? So much effort has gone in, that meal been on your plate. Even the effort you’ve put in to have the money, to be able to have it there, even maybe the chair that you sit in on, table that you sat at, the house that you’re living, the electricity that’s lighting.

There’s so many things to be grateful for in that moment and to receive and give thanks for that. Your mood is going to be drastically different after that ten minutes of eating if you do that, than if you just sit there with the TV on or scrolling your phone or whatever it may be. Creativity levels go up, productivity goes up. This is often how guys end up making way more money with far less effort because their ideas are obviously much better and they have the energy to your point, energy out, energy in, to actually follow through on them.

Arthur Magoulianiti   22:11

Yeah, I love that. And then giving yourself a bit of time as well to enjoy it. Because I think that’s the other thing around rushing food is like, I got to eat quickly because I got to get back to it. No, you get to receive, you get to receive and so….

Tim Matthews  22:27

I’m worth this moment, I’m worth this time.

Arthur Magoulianiti  22:30

Precisely. Yeah.

Tim Matthews  22:32

Beautiful. Well, thank you, brother. Appreciate your insights, as always, and that’s a wrap for this episode, the Powerful Man Show.