How A Wrecked Car Went From Frustration To Connection

Episode #689

What if rushing through life is causing you to miss out on precious moments?

How often do we succumb to frustration when faced with situations that appear to be unfavorable to us?

Slowing down, appreciating the journey, and fostering deeper connections with loved ones can enhance your relationships, personal well-being, and overall fulfillment in life.

Our mindset shapes our thoughts, beliefs, and actions, ultimately influencing the outcomes we experience in life. By consciously choosing to adopt a positive and growth-oriented mindset, we can unlock tremendous potential, overcome obstacles, and achieve greater success.

In this episode, you will learn how to prioritize the present moment and find gratitude in everyday experiences.

Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

Also listen on:



Doug Holt  00:01

What’s happening, guys? Welcome to another episode of the Powerful Man Show. Tim, how you doing, brother?

Tim Matthews  00:53

I am doing very well. Yeah, very full. After the ranch with you and the other guys was incredible.

Doug Holt  01:02

Yeah. Before we get into that today, what I want to talk about is something that happened to me yesterday, which is essentially wrecking a car and why that was a good thing. But we’ll get into that in a second, guys, and I want to talk to you about why that can relate to you and your marriage and your business, really, in your life, as it goes. But, yeah, being at the ranch, we had almost, I think it was 30 some people there, some men from the movement, some of our staff. We flew in from all over the world. Just an absolutely amazing time!

Tim Matthews  01:30

Yeah. Do you know what? I was reminiscing on the plane back, looking at the pictures all the team had posted, and, yeah, it’s hard to put into words. That’s what I’m struggling right now. I’m struggling to find words to describe the immense amount of gratitude that I have for the time that we spent there.

That picture of us all in the barn on the evening of the award ceremony after just sharing an amazing meal together, recognizing the team. The men recognizing the team as well. The men recognizing each other, recognizing Erin. I mean, wow. It’s just rare to have experiences like that in life and especially such heartfelt ones, and I’ll cherish and remember that for a long, long time.

Doug Holt  02:21

Yeah. We should do a separate podcast just on this topic, because I think there’s a lot of lessons and things to cover going into it. So we’ll do that and put that on the boards. Guys that are in the movement, we’ll post some pictures up for you guys. A lot of the men that attended posted pictures already. A lot of them are in the brotherhood. But either way, guys that are in the movement go to our private community to see some of those. I’m sure Tim and I will be posting some more things, and maybe we’ll do a follow up podcast just to wrap up.

To me, it was a beautiful and amazing experience, had its ups and downs, as all things do, that are worthwhile to me. Speaking of ups and downs, man, just yesterday, last night, so yesterday was the 4th July in the United States. Obviously when this is released, it’ll be later, and my wife and I were going to take the kids to a lake. There’s a beautiful lake that’s up here, Tim. It’s like, it’s a mountain lake. It’s just warm enough to swim in, but it’s got crystal blue water. There’s this really nice resort that’s nearby, but other than that, it’s just all wilderness.

We love taking the kids there. Other families in the community come out there. It’s really just a beautiful place to relax and unwind. And my wife and I had planned to get up early in the morning because we want to get a good spot in the beach and just kind of camp out there all day. And we woke up, we actually changed our mind, decided, hey, there’s a few things we want to do at the ranch.

One of the things that happened, guys, is all the people that they’re at the ranch, we planted twelve of these beautiful trees, the red maples, red blaze, I think is what they’re called, and they go up to 40ft wide, which I think is about 12 meters in width. And when we look at, we want the idea here is to plant the trees, and we got name tags or metal nameplates for everybody that attended, and they were associated with the tree.

And the idea, of course, being that these trees would grow, and they grow to be 40ft. They surround these beautiful ponds and men and their families over the years and decades would come and seek shelter from the sun and be in the shade under these beautiful trees. And these trees would be dedicated to the people that were there for this groundbreaking event at the TPM Ranch. So the TPM Ranch, for those that don’t know it’s, 106 acre ranch that, Tim, that you and I grabbed for the powerful man and the movement that is TPM, so that men could come and have a sanctuary with them, their families, a place to heal and a place to grow.

So we have these trees, but man, it’s in the woods, so deer are there, and these deer had started nibbling on the trees. So my wife and I get up the morning, we’re like, okay, someone’s got to protect the trees, right? Otherwise a week becomes a month, and the deer are going to eat all these trees. And it’s not the vision that any of us have. And we just happen to be the people that are closest to the ranch.

My wife and I don’t live too far from the ranch, so we decide to make a day out of it. We make a day out of going to the ranch and protecting the trees. Protect the trees becomes the mantra. We go to the hardware store. We buy this fencing to put around. We get the tools out, the wire cutters, the whole nine. Pack the kids, pack some snacks and toys for the kids so they’ll have something to do while they’re out there. And we decide we’re going to make a day out of it, working on the ranch, that’s going to be our 4th July celebration.

So we get out there. We’re getting to it. We’re having fun. I think I sent you a picture of me out there. Aaron took one and getting one. I had a joking picture we were going to take and send to you as well, Tim, but decided not to do that. So we’re out there. And the reason this is for you guys is you’re working all day in the sun. And most of us listening to this, we can work hard. We’re also probably white collar workers for the most part, but we’re working out there in the hot sun. It’s in the 90s where we are, and we’re out there for a few hours.

And we started working on some other stuff at the ranch. And then decided to go up to the main house, have some lunch with the kids. I laid down, took a little bit of a cat nap the best I could. I have two kids that are three and six, so they’re loud as heck. And then we go back to the ranch, get a little bit more work done, decide to head home. And this is after hosting five events, back to back to back to back to back. For me, right at the ranch, we have the alpha reset. My wife’s family comes in, then we immediately you come in. Then my brother, and then the staff, and then the team, and then the guys come in, clients of ours who are just friggin amazing!

So it’s a lot going on and planning all these events and making sure everything’s coordinated. I’m just friggin wiped out. I’m exhausted. I haven’t had a day yet of just complete rest. Not yet. So I’m excited to get home and actually just relax. And even my wife’s just like, yeah, just go sit on the couch and just chill. She’s like, you haven’t had any downtime. Because as soon as everybody left from the retreat, I went right into dad mode, right? The kids just couldn’t wait to see dad and my wife, of course. So I went right back into that mode.

So anyway, long story, a little shorter. And guys, you can relate to this. When you’re so tired, you’re rushing to get home to relax, right? How often do you do that? I do it often. I’ll rush home so I can slow down. I’ll rush through a task so I can slow down. Whether it be doing yard work, whether it be doing work at home, multitasking. Some of you probably are listening to this right now, trying to get more done so you can have more time, right? Makes sense? And it kind of doesn’t.

So we get back to our house. Tim my wife looks at me and she said, hey, did you turn off the water? And what we decided to do is put more water into the pond, and we want it to be clear and crisp because we have some other guests. The Inner Circle guys are coming. The Inner Circle is our high level one year mastermind group, where guys have it’s limited to ten men around the world and they just get more access to us. We’re having a private event for them next week, so I wanted the ponds to be crisp. The guys are definitely going to be diving in there, doing our alpha rise and shine. So we turn the water on early in the day.

Anyway, I get back home, I look at my wife, I go, ohh shit, no, didn’t do it. So I know that the previous owners of this ranch would leave the water on all night to completely clear the ponds. But I was like, really? That’s not the best thing to do. Really, the best thing would be to unload the car, get the kids in the house, get back in the car, drive back to the ranch and go through the process of turning this water off. It’s a complete process. There’s dials and stuff that you have to turn in a specific order, or you can break the whole pump.

So I decided to rush down there. I thought, you know what? Instead of walking the quarter mile or whatever it is down to the pump, I’m just going to drive the car. I’m going to drive my wife’s car, which is Toyota Highlander. So I drive down there, no problem, go through the process. I’m sending you messages, Tim. I’m multitasking. I’m getting back to clients. I have a couple clients that I work with one on one, who are having fires go off in their house, so to speak.

There’s things that are going on for them that are hair on fire issues. So I’m just helping them out, right? Getting them through this crises, trying to help them turn the lemons into lemonade, and it’s working, so it’s great. So I get in the car. Instead of reversing the way I came, I decide just to hit the gas, and I hear this huge crunch. You know, that kind of thing where you hit something in a car or any vehicle and you just cringe. You’re like, oh, no.

So I go, okay, it must be a big rock. There’s a lot of rocks on this property. What I’m going to do is just throw it in reverse, back out the way I came, go over the rock, might hear a little crunch again, but it’s probably a skid plate would be good, right? Just the bottom of the car. I’ll figure it out. It didn’t sound like the tires went off again. I am just exhausted, guys. Exhausted. I have nothing left in the tank. I just want to get home, crack a beer, and chill out. All I want to do.

So I throw the car in reverse, hit the gas, and then the sound is much louder. And that’s when I know, okay, I’ve got a big problem. So I get out of the car again. It’s in the 90s. It’s hot, no shade. I didn’t plan on being out there for very long. And all of a sudden, I realized what I’d run over was one piece of piping that was left in this small segment of this huge field, right? Again, 106 acres. There’s just one piece of piping that was covered in brush that I didn’t see right long. And it attached itself, the tip of it, to part of the bumper. And when I reversed, it ripped off the bumper of my wife’s car. Headlights sitting out. The bumper is there. Part of the bumper is still attached, but not all of it is.

And that’s when I just go, okay, now I got to walk that quarter mile back to the barn, get into the barn, get the tools, come back to the car, take that section of the bumper off do what? I can to replace it so I can see if my wife can use the car because she’s got to take the kids to soccer camp. She’s got a couple of doctors’ appointments today that she needed to use that vehicle for. And now I got to see what’s going on. And then you know what hit me more than anything, and I know you said before we started recording how you would start kicking the car, I started laughing.

And the reason I started laughing isn’t just out of a survival mechanism, but I started laughing because what a great lesson. What a great lesson for me, And the lesson is I’m rushing through everything just so I can get home to relax rather than enjoying the moment. And what I got in was the fact that I was really just working for the future. Right? I was doing everything for this future reward rather than focusing on the basic journey that was set in front of me. By missing the basic journey was in front of me, I caused a couple of don’t know what it costs to replace a bumper.

I’m sure as heck not doing it myself. It’s going to cost a couple of grand to fix that thing. It’s not about the money, but it’s money that I wouldn’t have had to spend had I just been conscious. And either gone out there knowing that there could be an issue not driven through a part of a field that I couldn’t see what was underneath it. Not knowing the field because it’s a new ranch for us as well as I could.

And I had to lay under this car in the weeds, hot sun, find the socket that fit the bolts that I needed to take apart, and start taking apart this bumper piece by piece because they’re module, apparently I didn’t know that. And then start putting things together so I could make the ride home. And what a lesson, man. What a lesson for me, at least, Tim and you actually came to mind. Now, you say something quite often, and I quote you a lot on this because I like it. And it’s what if what we’re chasing in life. So, guys, this could be an amazing marriage. This could be the business deal, this could be a woman in your life for those guys that are single. This could be maybe you’re chasing this idea of being an amazing father and you’re working so hard on it. What if that thing that you’re chasing, for me, it was relaxation, is actually waiting for you?

So in other words, you need to slow down to allow it to catch you. And if I would have slowed down and just relaxed through this whole thing rather than rushing, this never would have happened. Most likely. Most likely, I would have calmed down there calmly, probably would have reversed slower or at least got out and checked to see what the heck I was on and gone through, and I would have been able to mitigate the situation. Maybe it still would have been an issue, right? But maybe it wouldn’t have been.

And it reminded me of how often I neglect to stop to smell the roses, whether it be rushing through an event, rushing through a conversation, multitasking on a zoom meeting as often we do, or even rushing just to get home to relax. And what a paradox that is for us. As businessmen, as fathers, as husbands, we have so much on our plate, so many demands, yet how often are we actually rushing through things in order to be able to slow down rather than just slowing down in that moment?

Tim Matthews  14:07

Beautiful, beautiful lesson! Definitely handled it with more wisdom than I would have done in that moment, given how your day went, I think, and given what you’ve been through over the past six weeks, say six weeks. Six months. So, yeah, well done, sir. I mean, you handled it like the master that you are. I’m sure you would have had your moments of frustration, and at the same time, the perspective that you have on it is a beautiful one, and what a beautiful lesson to come out of. It kind of similar to something that came up in a circle call today.

One of the guys was talking about how he took his partner, his girlfriend, to Niagara Falls. Now, they both live right next to Niagara Falls, but she’d never been. Yeah, big, sexy, she’d never been. And he said it was this amazing experience, and how often do we just disregard what’s right under our noses? And it led to, like, a five minute conversation all around just appreciating what’s going on in life.

Even I then brought up the fact that, hey, look, we’re on this call right now with men from all over the world who are performing at a significant level, who are all heart centered guys. And we’ve got this space where we can all show up, be honest, be open, get called out, get called forward, whatever it may need in the moment. And how incredibly rare is that?

Let’s just take a moment and be grateful for this space right now, rather than just checking it off like, oh, it’s just a thing I do in the week. But he goes to your point. Right? I’ve been able to stop and smell the roses and just have a little bit of perspective at times. I know for myself, it’s a basic, right? It’s easy to do and easy not to do. So easy to do, so easy not to do. But I know for myself, whenever I do it, my mood is just completely different, completely elevated.

Doug Holt  16:13

Yeah. You know, when things like this happen for me, I want to learn the lesson from it. I want to take the lesson and the gold out of it. It’s easy to get frustrated and angry and guys, I do right? Like, guru on the mountaintop. That’s perfect. In some way, shape, or form. I’m not at all. I’m a work in progress. I always jokingly say that in business, I was a high paid business consultant, because I made every mistake at least twice, right? Sometimes three times. It takes me a longer time to learn them, but I fail so fast and recover quick. It’s the same thing in life. Right?

So I could have been there. I could have kicked the car, causing more damage to the car, probably my foot, and maybe a younger version of me would have done that, for sure. Instead, I took the opportunity. Right? I started really trying to find the lesson in it. Like, oh, I didn’t know that bumpers were modular. I didn’t know that yeti. How cool is this that I’m under the car and I’m taking this thing apart? I was just trying to find those things. I could have focused on how friggin hot it was that I’m in these. It’s a hay field, but it’s also got nettles and things, so it hurts. My legs are getting cut as I’m walking through this.

And of course, I’m a Southern California by nature, so I’m wearing sandals or flip flops if you I at shorts as I’m walking through this stuff. It doesn’t feel good. Right? And I’m just trying to find the good side, the silver lining. And part of it was reflecting back at this time, and we’ll talk about this in another episode, but earlier that day, and I didn’t share this with you Tim is, I’ve heard the conversations and the joking, but also the depth of conversation that were happening at the ranch, particularly in between the men, the men in the brotherhood & inner circle that came, that were there just out of their goodness of their own heart to help the movement, to help build the ranch out for the groundbreaking.

And it brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes at the same time because it was such a beautiful thing to me. So as I’m walking back to this barn pissed off, I’m also reflecting on how lucky I am, how amazing it is now. It’s easy, right? There’s two sides to every coin. It’s easy to be just pissed off, mad. There should have been somebody else here to do this. It shouldn’t be my responsibility to have to take care of this place by myself. Yada, yada, yada. There should be this, there should be that. I shouldn’t have to do this on a holiday. All of these stories, and they all came to mind, by the way, but it’s also just as easy for me to be in, really, a reflection of gratefulness and gratitude, I guess, is what word I’m looking for.

 And I’m looking at this land on this beautiful piece of property that’s already hosted an Alpha reset. It’s healed literally, at this point, probably about 30 people’s lives or so. And it’s just getting started, right? We got another event coming up pretty soon. In fact, we have one next week. So when I start thinking about it that way, the $2,000 for the bumper, the inconvenience of time is not going to be an issue. I’m also thinking, crap, my wife’s going to be pissed, right? Because she already knows I’ve had kind of when I’m having a hard day, my family feels it. They know it, right? They just know it.

And here I am just taking I took her car out, the one that she drives, and I just ripped the bumper off of it. So I get to have this conversation with her. Luckily for me, guys, and maybe you guys aren’t in this situation because I wasn’t my wife. And what we call Marriage 1.0, we’re now in Marriage 2.0. Marriage 1.0 would have been a fight, right? A huge fight. She would have yelled at me, or I would have yelled at her, and we would have got after it. Like, how stupid was that? And I would have told her that she should have done it instead, whatever it would have been. It would have been an argument.

Instead, I came home, I told her what happened, and she just gave me a hug. Just gave me a hug. She’s like, wow, you’ve had such a long day. Wow. There’s been weeks. There’s been weeks for you to be able to relax, and this happens, and we kind of started laughing about it, right? We sat in our porch and laughed about it for a little bit and I fired up the barbecue and we cooked burgers for the kids and for ourselves and we had a celebration. We had a glass of wine together and really enjoyed the evening and made the best out of it.

And it kind of became a joke. Right? We’re laughing about it. And today my wife’s going to take the car in and tell the people mechanics what her husband did. Right? And it’s funny, we were laughing about it this morning. The kids started making my kids are six and three and they’re making jokes about it. And so when I reflect on the ability to turn that corner and the work that it took to get here, it really reminds me of the men who are listening to this right now. Probably if you’re like me, you’re probably listening to this at 1.5 to 3 X speed because you want to get through it and get to the next podcast or whatever else it is because you’re going fast so you can slow down. I get it.

But also reminds me of the men that are listening to this that are having problems in their marriage or problems in their business and have not taken the Activation Method. Right? The Activation Method is your foundational step. It’s an eight week course. It’s your foundational step to get through and become reactivated and actually get into a place where you can start having these paradigm shifts quickly.

Now, again, it would have been back in the day, my wife and I would be fighting about this for a month legitimately, a month of arguments around the bumper. It would have been brought up time and time and time again, she would use it against me. I would have brought it up. Then I had to go back or whatever. And instead of a month of disconnection, my wife and I have had 12 hours, maybe more than that, hasn’t been 24 hours. Right? So a little bit of laughter and connectedness.

Now, think about that for a second, guys. As a business owner, what I knew to be true is when my wife and I were disconnected, it affected my business prowess. I wasn’t as good at the office, I wasn’t as good in negotiations. Yeah, I could suck it up and step it up, but I also wasn’t at my full potential because my mind would escape to what was going on at home. I didn’t have that support that I wanted. Right? I felt disconnected. I was thinking about the issues I was having with my wife, not the other things that were going on.

Now, fast forward to Marriage 2.0. After using the tools and the Activation Method and the things we teach the guys and our other mastermind groups is I take that month of disconnection to a place where I’m now talking about it, laughing about it with you guys and with my wife and with my kids. It’s now we are more connected, not less. And it’s through this paradigm shift, through these choices, using the tools that we teach and the ones that we live by. Tim and I both live by these. Neither of us are perfect, but by living through these tools, it allows us to take that month of our life that we can never get back that was going to be complete crap. And turning it into a time where there’s more connectedness, laughter, joy and love filling my house. That’s the time I want. And that is worth it every time.

Tim Matthews  23:30

Kudos to you, brother! Aaron responding in that way is definitely a reflection of the work that you guys do on the marriage, both of you guys, you know, which, again, is a testament to the way you show up as well, right? She feels safe and connected to you to then also want to reciprocate and respond by also showing up in a certain way. It’s beautiful. On the inner circle call, which is the call before this, the inner circle is one of I think you mentioned earlier, right?

One of the higher end masterminds limited to ten guys. But, yeah, one of the guys on their chief, it was — was talking about there was a moment at the ranch which I won’t dive into too much because we’ll do another episode on it where Heron was being recognized for efforts and, yeah, really for her efforts more than anything else in the ranch and the role that she’s played and such.

And she said how all the men sat around the table were watching at how she was looking at you and the look that she had in her eyes. And it made a lot of the guys emotional because the way that they saw Erin look at you is what they want, essentially, that look of admiration and support and just respect and love and all those things that go with it.

So, yeah, look, it’s a testament to you. Walk the talk, you do the work. By no means are you perfect. No one is. But at the same time, you stick to the journey. You’re open minded, open hearted, you make course corrections and you do the same in your marriage. And I love that you got the response that you did from Erin. I love the fact that the kids were laughing, too. I’m sure they had a lot of fun with that. I don’t know if you mentioned to them that it was the second time you’ve caught something in that field, probably good time to admit.

Doug Holt  25:35

So I chose not to mention that. Yeah.

Tim Matthews  25:38

But nevertheless, brother, look, I love it. It’s amazing. Kudos to you for being wise enough and open enough to make that shift last night and then have the fun and laughter with Erin and the kids as well.

Doug Holt  25:50

Awesome, brother. So, gentlemen, what I’m going to ask you guys is where in your life right now are you going fast. So you can slow down later. Where are you speeding up and missing your opportunity to smell the roses? Where are you not taking the opportunity to change things, right? Don’t have to tear your bumper off to learn the lesson, guys, like I do, they’re remembrances, right? There are times that we forget things, so we get to go back to our core and remember them.

And guys, if you haven’t been in the Activation Method, it’s something you’re interested. Just go over to thepowerfulman.com there’s a Get started button or Learn more button. I don’t remember what it is. One of those buttons. Click that and it’ll take you through an application process. At this time, we only work with business owners and executives. That’s the only people that we’re working with right now.

So go ahead and click that button. There is an application. Fill that out and you’ll have the opportunity of talking to an advisor to see if we believe that the Activation Method can help you with your specific problems, what you’re going through. Specifically, our groups are maxed out of very small groups of men each and every time. But that’s also why we have a 4.9 out of 5.0 rating on our Activation Methods programs over the last several years, right? This actually works.

You can also go over the website, see, testimonials of men just like you. I don’t say this with hyperbole, but I’ve say this, man, marriage 2.0 is so much better than Marriage 1.0. And I didn’t have to get divorced to do it. I was able to pull back the airplane from crashing in my marriage and also in my business. And I want that for you guys as well. Gentlemen, in the moment, insight, as we say, take massive action. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.