Episode #1017
If you’re ready to grow but not sure where to start, this episode will help you figure it out. Doug sits down with TPM advisor Christopher to break down the key things to look for when you’re choosing a personal development program. Whether it’s for your marriage, your business, or your own mindset, not all coaching is created equal and the wrong choice can set you back more than you think.
Doug shares his checklist for spotting programs that actually deliver, including what questions to ask, what red flags to watch for, and how to avoid wasting time on quick fixes or hype. They also talk about why so many men hesitate to invest in themselves and what it really costs when they don’t.
This is a no-fluff, straight-talking guide for any man who’s serious about growth and wants to make smart moves with his time, energy, and money.
If your relationship isn’t where you want it to be, start by getting clarity. Go to https://fixmarriage.thepowerfulman.com/scales and get the free training. It’ll show you exactly what’s off and what to do next.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
It bums me out when I hear guys talk about, “Hey, I’m gonna do the $300 program versus the $30,000 program.” And you go, “Well, your divorce is gonna cost you 350–600,000. Maybe, you know, spending 1% of that and investing in yourself might be a good idea.” Not to skimp on.
Doug Holt 0:20
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. Once again, we are joined by Christopher Hansen, one of our advisors and a resident here at the TPM show. It seems like Christopher lives here in Sisters, Oregon, where we have a 106-acre ranch to hold events. Now, I don’t live on that ranch, but it is a place specifically for us to hold events for men like you, so we can have some stuff going on. So Christopher has compiled a bunch of questions that you guys have sent in, and we’re gonna address a couple of them today. Chris, thanks for being here.
Christopher Hansen 1:06
Absolutely. Thanks for having me.
Doug Holt 1:06
Feels weird calling you Christopher, but you know.
Christopher Hansen 1:06
Either one’s fine, really. So man, happy to be here, excited to be back once again.
Doug Holt 1:14
We always get a great response when you come here. The flow is easy. It’s fun. The questions you bring to the table are always interesting to the guys, they’re interesting to me. So it’s fun, man.
Christopher Hansen 1:24
Well, I appreciate that. Awesome. Well, I’m sure people that have listened to this know at this point, or if you haven’t, I talk to a lot of the men that come into the movement. Sometimes I’m the first person that they talk to, so I hear a lot of their questions. And I spoke with somebody recently that found himself in a situation where he’s ready to take action and he’s out shopping for who is the right fit for him. Right, so he didn’t end up coming into the movement yet, he’s doing some research. But the question, I guess, that came up for me is, I’m curious, from your perspective, like, what is it that you look for in a personal development program that would align for you, and that would say, “Hey, yes, this is the thing for me.” Or whatever research do you do, I guess.
Doug Holt 1:58
I’ve been doing business development or personal development, the two of those, since high school. So I’m 48 now, so that’s been 30 years of doing this kind of work. I love it, obviously. So there’s a couple things that I look for.
And as you say, that was coming up for me is something that’s very similar to I was in the fitness industry for a long time, on the academic side, but also ran my own very elite private training studio in Santa Barbara, California. And the reason I bring that up is one thing I look for is, has that person or those people achieved results not only for themselves, but also for other people?
So in the fitness industry, something that’s really unique is you go to a gym, you’re like, “I want to get in shape. Hey, that guy’s in great shape, I’ll just do what he does.” That doesn’t work, right? You want to find somebody who’s gotten results for someone who looks like you and gotten them to where you want to look. And that’s not always the same thing. So you could find a bodybuilder and you want to be a marathon runner, but maybe he’s trained 50 elite marathon runners, because he has the knowledge base. His particular interest might not be in that, though.
So first thing I’m looking for is, has this person either gotten the result for themselves, yes or no? And they have to have gotten it for themselves, otherwise I’m out. Second thing I’m looking for is, have they helped other people like me get the result? So, gotta check those two boxes. If they haven’t checked those two boxes, I move on. That’s just the baseline.
Okay, let’s assume that they’ve checked those two boxes. They’ve gotten the result themselves, and they’ve helped other people get the result. So if I’m using TPM as an example here, I’ve gotten the result for myself. My wife and I went through a lot of marriage problems early on. I was a nice guy, I thought I was doing all the right things. We loved each other, but we couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t connect, and we’ve moved beyond that to one of the best marriages of anybody I know. Not that it doesn’t have its problems, but it’s one of the best, most solid ones that I know of. So that’s one.
Two, TPM. We’ve helped thousands of men do the same thing. So we have those two boxes checked. And again, I’m using TPM more as a relation, but these are the things I’m looking for. So naturally, I always use this as a litmus test for how well we’re doing within the organization, or what we call the movement.
The third thing I look for, Chris, is, have they been doing this for five years or more? Now, the only exception to that is new technology, like artificial intelligence. I’ll give somebody a waiver on that. Though, the person that I currently am studying under in AI has been doing it for longer than five years, and he has a perspective far beyond the tips, the tricks, the hacks that others do.
And so what he teaches me is the why behind it. He says, “Doug, AI is gonna change. So these hacks that you’re learning, great. They’re great for now. Six months from now, a year from now, two years from now, they’re gonna change, but the fundamentals that they were built upon will never change.”
So that’s what I’m looking for: have you done this for at least five years? Because, gosh, man, you know this if you do something for a long time, you learn where the potholes are on the road to success. You learn where the tripwires are. You figure out a lot of things just with experience alone. And that’s absolutely critical.
Christopher Hansen 5:51
, for sure. And as a client, you don’t want to be the person that somebody else is learning off of.
Doug Holt 5:56
No, don’t be the guinea pig, man. , not at all. And unfortunately, in our space, you know, we look at what TPM does. So we have two entry points into TPM, two main programs that men come in on.
One is The Activation Method. It’s a methodology that helps men save their marriages without having to talk about it. So without counseling and such. We have thousands of men that have been through that program. Proven. It’s a proven methodology.
Two is the blueprint, The Ascension Blueprint. That was originally how we started TPM. We also have thousands of men who have been through that, and it helps men get unstuck. They get clear on life. So we’ve done this. We have the repetitions on this.
And again, kind of eating my own cooking, I went through that phase of, “Ah man, there’s got to be more to life than what I’m experiencing.” And I’ve also helped thousands of people go through that, as have our other coaches. So we have that.
And then, have you been doing this for a long time? I’ve been coaching in one way or another for almost two decades, specifically coaching as we do now for 10 years. So yes, we check that box for five years.
That’s what I’m looking for when I’m looking for somebody to uplevel me. Money I can get back. Time you can’t. And so how do I compress that learning curve is something I’m always looking for.
The fourth thing I like to look for is, is the person I’m learning from “in it”? And what I mean by that is, being a businessman for so long, you have so many fly-by-night companies. It’s so easy these days to throw up a website, a podcast, or a show like this, and just do it overnight and say, “Hey, you know what? I woke up today, and I’m going to help men.”
And I think most people probably are coming from a really good place, a heart-centered place. But are they going to be there tomorrow? You give them money today, are they going to be there tomorrow or a year from now? I want to have a relationship with somebody, and I want to work with people I actually like working with.
Again, using TPM as my litmus test, because this is the way I think, so we should do the same things. We invested in this studio. We’ve done over 1000 episodes of this podcast and show to give back free to people. We’ve written a book, which is an Amazon bestseller, so guys can go on there and get a lot of our teachings for free. But also, there’s a book out there.
And we invested in a 106-acre ranch where we run live events. You and I helped run an event just a week or two ago. We have another event here next week. So we’ve invested our money back into the movement. We’ve put skin in the game, serious skin in the game.
So it’s not just a Facebook group or some guy that’s throwing up ads on Instagram or Facebook and just started doing this last week. You want somebody who’s vested. Because when they’ve got their nuts on the line, man, you care a lot more. You work a lot harder. And you can tell if someone’s passionate about it.
Christopher Hansen 9:06
, for sure, . And I think at the end of the day, where a lot of guys, that fear pops in a lot in these situations, and they…
Doug Holt 9:17
I want to buy you a gift. Look, if your marriage is struggling, and let’s be real, every marriage struggles at some point, but yours is struggling where you’ve lost that love, admiration, respect, I want to help you. I want to buy you a copy of the book that I wrote, A Man’s Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It. In here, I’ve distilled over eight years of programs that we’ve developed at TPM to help men just like you save their marriages without talking about it. There’s no fluff, no BS. It’s an action plan that you can start using today to actually save your marriage and bring that love and respect back into your family, back into your house. You deserve it. Look, all I ask is you pay the postage, you pay the shipping. I’ll buy the book for you. That way you can take massive action today. Click the link or find it in the bio and get your copy now.
Christopher Hansen 10:11
They feel like they’re gonna, if they don’t make the right choice, then, you know, that’s paralysis by analysis, right?
Doug Holt 10:22
, 100%. So the way I look at my growth at this stage I used to be, in my 20s, I chased the low deal. Right, shoot, off air I was talking to our producer, Colton, about this. We were talking about medical, right, blood tests, blood work, things of that nature. And I’ve learned at 48 that I don’t want to skimp on my blood work. I don’t want to get the doctor who’s like, “Hey, I will check all your vitals for $29.95.” I want to get the person who says, “Hey, I want to be thorough.” And again, they check the boxes they’ve helped cure, or are in good health. At the same time, they’ve helped other people like me be well, continue to be well. I don’t have any major sicknesses or illnesses, but I want to maintain a healthy lifestyle so I can play with my kids. And so that checks that box.
And I want to make sure that they’re vested and they’re in this. So all the same things come with my medical professionals that I work with. I’m not going to skimp money. You don’t do your own dentistry. You have a professional do it. And you don’t want, necessarily, the cheapest doctor you can find who’s not going to give you any Novocaine. They’re gonna give you a shot of vodka and say, “Good luck,” and they’re not gonna be there tomorrow in a back alley. You want a professional.
Christopher Hansen 11:40
. And, I mean, you know, how many guys, if somebody’s selling a $300 program promising you to get a result that, you know, a $10,000 program is promising to get you, how many people do you think choose that $300 path? And then, at that point, like, what level of support are those people actually getting, right? Because that, fundamentally, from a business standpoint, is you’re not gonna be able to support people the way they need to be supported in whatever it is that you’re learning.
Doug Holt 12:09
Well, , as a businessman, there’s hard costs, , right. So with TPM as an example, we have coaches. We also have an entire client success team that makes sure every guy gets through the program, double checks on them. We have an advisory team, which, you know, you lead part of that team. We have, of course, finance, operations. We have 36 people right now, maybe 37 as of recently, right now, that are behind the scenes making this work. It’s not two guys in a basement, you know, making it happen.
And so when you look at something, when I’m looking at something like my personal growth, that’s important to me, man. Like I’m, you know, I’m 48, I got two kids. I don’t want to spend my time online watching videos or talking to a coach who’s not going to move the needle. For me, it needs to move the needle, and I’m willing to invest money to shorten time to move that needle, because I know on the other side of that, I’ll make more money, I’ll be more fulfilled, life will flow a lot easier. And so that’s the key, right? You got to be willing to make that investment.
So to your point and your question. TPM started eight years ago, more than eight years ago. Excuse me, I got involved eight years ago. So TPM has been around longer, since before my son was born, and that’s what I use to kind of judge this my son’s my oldest. There were maybe a couple people doing men’s work, like we call it, or working with men specifically. Fast forward to today, there’s probably 50 people out there. They copy our exact verbiage, which is flattery. We were just in a meeting looking at like four people that have been called, quote, competitors, that I’ve never heard of. They just popped up recently, and they’re literally using the same verbiage that’s on our website.
And again, somewhat flattering. I’m not going to lie and say it’s completely flattering, but I also know they won’t be here a year from now. They’re trying something out. It won’t work out as well. And unfortunately, this is my legacy work. So this is what I’ve chosen to do. I left a job that paid me a lot more, my own company that paid me a lot more than TPM could ever pay me, but that’s not why I do this.
And so it bums me out that we have so many guys come to us and say, “Hey, I’ve already tried X, Y, Z programs. They didn’t work. What’s going to be different here?” And luckily for us, we can point to hundreds and hundreds of video and text testimonials from guys going, “Whoa, this blew my mind.”
Again, just to answer your question, if you’re looking for growth, there’s really a couple things. One, again, have they done it themselves? Two, have they helped somebody like me achieve the goal? If the answer is no to those two, walk away. Third one is, have they done this for at least five years? That’s mine. I want somebody who’s got that experience to guide me, because you’re going to hit some potholes along the way.
And if it’s an area like your relationships, well, geez. I mean, your health and your relationships are probably your two most important things in life, and you should be investing in those two areas. Don’t skimp on that, man. Like, you know, it bums me out when I hear guys talk about, “Hey, I’m gonna do the $300 program versus the $30,000 program.” And you go, “Well, your divorce is gonna cost you 350–600,000. Maybe, you know, spending 1% of that and investing in yourself might be a good idea not to skimp on.”
And so then I’m also going to look at, are they vested, or is this just a fly-by-night Facebook group type thing? We have our own app, as you know, so we’ve invested a lot in this. We’re sticking around. We’re going to be here. And I also want the people I work with to be the same thing.
So again, the guy I work with in AI has been around the industry for a long time. He checks all those boxes. He’s not going anywhere. He’s an AI guy. I mean, he’s a dork, like he’s the dork in the class, which I love, by the way, , in the most classic sense. But he also provides me such a perspective that I would never get if I was just watching YouTube, or even Y Combinator, or the Harvard Business Review. This is the guy that they go to, and that’s the guy, when it comes to my knowledge base, that I want to learn from.
, and when it comes to health, as I was talking to Colton earlier, I want the best doctor looking after my health, man. I don’t want the guy to go, “Oh, sorry, I missed one of your markers. You actually have terminal cancer now. Apologies.” Same thing with my marriage. I don’t want someone going, “Oops, sorry. What advice we gave you wasn’t good, or the techniques weren’t that great, and now, you know, you’re eating TV dinners and you’re seeing your kids 50% of the time.”
, it’s wild. Absolutely. . So you’ve got to invest in yourself, and I think you continuously do so just like you would your business. That’s the key.
Christopher Hansen 17:08
Nice. Thanks, man,
Doug Holt 17:09
You got it. I love the questions, buddy.
Christopher Hansen 17:11
, for sure.
Doug Holt 17:13
Gentlemen, keep your questions coming in. I’m going to keep trying to get Chris to come back here to the TPM ranch. I grabbed him quickly for this episode, because we want to get these questions answered. We’re busy. You’re busy, but you, like me, want to get the most out of this life. If you’re looking at growth, whether it be growth in your business, whether it be growth in your health, whether it be growth in your relationships, don’t skimp out. Look for those key things again.
Number one, have they done it for themselves?
Two, and probably more important to me is, do they have a proven track record for helping somebody just like you, or in my case, just like me? My guess is we’re probably very similar.
Three, right? Three is, have they been doing it for five years or more? If they haven’t, you might want to wonder, why? Right? Why are they jumping in the pond right now? It’s really interesting to me when I look at TPM. You know, we have a number of people, competitors. One of the top people that claims they do what we do, he’s never been married. It blows my mind. It’s like me giving parental advice, which I did before I had kids, and now I laugh at myself. You know, kind of the idea of, “My kids will never have screen time.” And then you have kids, you’re like, “The screen is the babysitter.” I get it. You change your mind.
You have to have walked the walk. So we have: have they done it before themselves, right?
Number two, have they helped other people? And I would do a significant amount of other people, right? More than 100, because that’s when you get past coincidence.
Three is, have they been around?
Four is, are they vested? Are they putting their money where their mouth is and actually investing? And so they’ll be around tomorrow.
Whatever you do, guys, keep growing, because if you’re not growing, you’re dying. And remember, send your questions in to VIP at thepowerfulman.com. We’ll get those answered for you. Hopefully get Chris back here at the ranch more often, and we’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
