Episode #1038
Most men say they’re being real, but deep down, they know something’s off. In this episode, Doug sits down with Eric “The Viking” at the TPM Ranch to talk about what actually changes when you stop hiding, drop the mask, and start showing up as your true self.
Eric opens up about the shift that happened when he finally got honest with himself and others. It didn’t come from a big breakthrough or a single moment. It came from consistent, small actions. Real change showed up in how he led his team, how he connected with his wife, and how he carried himself as a man.
They also dig into why so many guys stay stuck being the “nice guy,” how fear of judgment keeps you silent, and what it looks like to build a life that actually reflects your values.
If you’re feeling like something’s missing but can’t put your finger on it, this one’s worth a listen. It’s honest, grounded, and packed with stuff you can actually use.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
Speaking your truth is one of those things that you don’t know you need until you figure out how to do it.
Eric 0:04
I just never really felt like I fit in. And then going back to, I fit in with me now.
Doug Holt 0:11
But you gave me a list of five key things in your life, right? That they’re super important to you, that you say are the most important things. Let’s see where they’re on the calendar.
Eric 0:21
We’re all stuck with the belief that, you know, if we do more, we’ll get more. So it’s just getting away from that.
Doug Holt 0:43
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the TPM show. Once again, we are at the TPM Ranch, and I have a very special guest for you, a man that has been probably where you have been, and a man that has done the work in coming out the other side. And he’s also an amazing guy that’s actually volunteered his time to be at the TPM Ranch to help nine other men go through a transformational experience that we call The Alpha Reset the one and only, Eric the Viking. How you doing, brother?
Hey, doing good. Good. Glad to be here. Man, this is your third reset.
Eric 1:18
I think. Well, including the one I did, I think this is the fourth third volunteering.
Doug Holt 1:21
Third volunteering. What do you get out of volunteering?
Eric 1:25
Oh, man, it’s just, I get selfish. I get, like, another reset, yep, you know. And it just keeps pulling back the layers of the onion a little bit more and more, and just get that opportunity to really serve. You know, that’s really my heart, is just to serve people and human connection. Yes, and you definitely get that here.
Doug Holt 1:43
You do. You do. Let’s go back to I call myself Doug 1.0, right? So you’re probably at Eric 3.0 at this point. But going back to Eric 1.0, would you have had that same desire, do you think?
Eric 1:56
I mean, as far as the servant heart, yeah.
Doug Holt 1:59
Was that something you were always doing?
Eric 2:01
Yeah, I really do. I’ve been part of different men’s movements and men’s societies and things like this, and some other paths that I was in. Always seemed to rise within those. And, you know, for me, really, TPM just kind of put all of those together. It was like the right correction on the lens, right?
And then from that, moving into The Brotherhood and just getting the support from all the guys the accountability, the community was just really such a pivotal point for me to really shift. And with that, especially here at The Alpha Reset two ago that I volunteered for, Mark Hainsworth was the guy on that, and we were doing an exercise that allowed me to really see some real clarity within myself. And the outcome of that was me speaking my truth, and not only just speaking the truth, but believing it within myself. And from that moment, it’s just been pivotal to my life, and I’m able to show up for myself personally, within my business, within my family, my marriage, all that. I mean, I’m seeing just massive results from it.
Doug Holt 3:03
Speaking your truth is one of those things that you don’t know you need until you figure out how to do it, right? And it’s kind of this idea that everybody thinks they’re authentic to a degree, and it’s not until you really put yourself out there that you find out what being authentic is.
Eric 3:18
I mean, for me, it was like, I always knew my truth. I think most men do, but it’s that fear that held it back from actually speaking it, and just continuing to be nudged and called forward into that, and then really just getting some breakthrough. And it came in millimeters. For me, it was just a little bit here, a little bit there, and the next thing you know, those external things that were telling me that it was good enough, I started to believe it.
And then as I started to believe that I was good enough and that I was worthy of love, and that I was love, I was able to just embody that and start living it in my life. And then when that shift happened, everything else shifted as well too, because I used to believe that if I could change the person, change the bank account, change the situations at work, then I would be okay. But it’s like, when I became okay with me like, truly.
I have a joke that I always say. It’s like, my birthday is 11/10/1972. No, you can’t have my social security number. But you can tell me it’s ’73 all day long, but that’s my truth it’s ’72. So it’s like now I can look at that when that pushback comes or challenge or judgment to where I can just see it for what it is. Like, that’s not my truth. I know it. So then I get to just walk that out and not necessarily brush that off, but just not let it affect me at the level that it used to.
Doug Holt 4:40
How have other people received this kind of, quote, new version of you?
Eric 4:44
Oh my gosh. I mean, I’ve had some conversations with my wife, and, you know, I think there’s a higher level of just safety, I think, in our relationship. It’s the best it’s ever been.
My leadership team just a few weeks ago was literally applauding me in the meeting. Like, “Dude, we’ve seen it. You’re showing up. It’s so awesome.” And just some of the accolades and the acknowledgment from my kids, and just showing their appreciation, and just telling me how much they love me and how proud they are, and things like that. And even just some of the things I’ve heard from the men in the group.
Doug Holt 5:27
That’s awesome, man. How’s it feel for you?
Eric 5:29
Feels amazing. You know, it feels amazing. It’s great to hear those things. But yet it just feels amazing within me, even without it. You know, it’s like, I don’t need the little award.
Doug Holt 5:39
You don’t need the T-shirt.
Eric 5:41
And even with it, with or without it, I’m really, wholeheartedly good.
Doug Holt 5:42
That’s the validation. It’s just like the icing on the cake, right? The cake’s already good. It’s delicious. But when your team stands up and applauds you, and your wife notices, and other people in your life that you care about, and people who know you like, your team knows you, right? They’ve seen you in your worst moments, I’m sure.
As a business owner, you know, we don’t always show up unstressed, not anxious, right? Anxiety comes with the job. A lot of us find ways of getting rid of that and reducing anxiety, but they’ve seen you at all these highs and all these lows. And for them to recognize the man that you are is just a beautiful thing.
Eric 6:19
And not even just noticing that publicly and applauding it. People are just curious. They’re like, “Hey, man, what’s going on with you? You just seem so happy all the time. You just seem so grounded,” and things like that. And then it creates an offer. It’s like, “Well, do you really want to know?” Because I like to keep things just really straight and candid.
And then I start talking, and then next thing you know, a lot of times I’m recommending people to watch the podcast, or just meet guys for coffee. It doesn’t have to be like the structure of any sort of program or anything. It’s like just being open to listen and hear and get curious, seek to understand where a guy’s coming from.
And with that, with no judgment or anything, I can just listen to that and reflect back what I’m hearing. And if anything, they just feel seen, heard, and valued from that conversation. They walk away feeling better.
Doug Holt 7:17
That’s awesome, and the ripple effect that’s going to have, right? I mean, I think men can find it difficult. I get asked this question all the time, like, how do I talk to other people about this? And I think what people forget is a lot more people are going through hard times than we know.
And even if a guy’s not interested let’s just say this show, right, that you said you sent to people, or you recommended if you sent anything to a guy and said, “Hey man, I’m just thinking about you. Thought you might like this,” just the fact that another grown man is reaching out and thinking about you makes us all feel good.
Eric 7:53
That’s bringing up for me right now, Doug, that from my experience, I think so many men feel alone. They do. You know, I know I did. Surrounded by all these people and places and things and materialistic things that were supposed to make me feel good, but, you know, actually, even being part of TPM originally, I did I felt always in groups, especially around men, I always just felt like I don’t fit in. You know, I’m not cool enough or tall enough or whatever.
Not that really I’m short, but I care less. It’s like, to me, I’m six foot tall.
Doug Holt 8:23
Yeah? So I had the same but a gift or a problem, not sure.
Eric 8:27
Yeah, exactly. So, I just never really felt like I fit in. And then going back to, I fit in with me now. So with that said, I do fit in. I fit in wherever I am, because I am, in the fullness of that. I get too down into all the woo woo.
Doug Holt 8:46
I think you’re spot on. I’ve talked about this before on the show, but, you know, I have young kids, and as it is, you end up hanging out with their friends’ parents, right? And luckily, we have a great group of people that we hang out with.
And there’s one gentleman who I love dearly. He’s a great guy, and he had a few drinks in him, so he started to get a little emotional. And the women in this group have formed a really tight bond. They work out three times a week in my garage, which I converted. They’re really, really close. They’ve been there for each other through some hard times.
And us, a group of knucklehead dads, also get together. And one guy said, “Hey, oh man, I love the bond the women have. I wish we had something like that, guys.”
And so, me being me, I go, “Dude, you never respond to any invitations, any texts. All of us here go do stuff, and we at least message each other and respond. You, notoriously, don’t ever respond. We want you to be in a group, but you’ve alienated yourself.”
And it was like a record skip. The whole place went silent. But you know me well enough to know I’m very direct as well, and just from a place of love. And then the party kind of kept going.
He came up to me. He’s like, “Dude, thanks so much. Thanks for just being honest.”
I was like, “Yeah, man. You know we want you.”
So I think a lot of times us men make up a story that we don’t belong, and we wait for the other guy. Like, “Oh, why isn’t Rick, Charles, Frank, Eric, reaching out to me when he’s hanging out with Coltyn over here? What’s wrong with me?” It’s really us that get to initiate.
Eric 10:23
Or that they don’t have the time, right? “I’m so busy.” You know, there again it gets back to priorities, right? You gotta put the mask on yourself first before you can serve everybody else.
Just to bring it back, it was November of last year that I realized for myself how much I was still being the nice guy, still serving everything and everyone else. And, you know, it’s just like, “Oh, I’m fine. I’m fine.” Really, my tank was empty.
I’m a high-energy guy, but yet, at a soul level, I was just depleted. So, I blocked out four days by myself, and I literally went into my Google Calendar and pushed delete for the whole rest of eternity after that. And I thought it was crazy, and I was like, “Well, if it’s important enough, they’ll get a hold of me and reschedule.”
So what I did was schedule my life first, you know, because it was always everything else. And I tried to squeeze in five minutes here, or five hours there, or a day there. So I just plugged it in literally.
My routine in the morning, some clarity breaks throughout the day, my decompression in the evening, date nights, CFO time with the kids, more times away by myself, quarterly vacations you know, just a lot of different things in there.
And then now I have the opportunity to actually just when somebody says, “Hey Eric, you want to get together on Tuesday?” Well, let me look at my calendar. “Nope, I don’t have time that day, but I can on Thursday at two or four. Which one you want?”
Because there again, it was a mindset that I felt bad, right? I couldn’t say no. So I was the “Yes Man.” And now I just get to serve me first.
And as I’m doing that, a lot of guys will complain, like, “Oh, it takes away time from my job and this and this and that.” Well, if I’m serving me first if I’m at a three, and now I’m elevated to an eight to a ten my work production goes up. My profit margins go up. The connection with my wife, my kids, everything goes up. And a lot of guys, from my experience, just kind of have it backwards. And there’s fear that’s holding them back.
Doug Holt 12:20
It’s fear, and society sells us that, right? I mean, weren’t you? I mean, man, I thought I was gonna retire at 30. I was working seven days a week. I was working double time, and I started a business at a very young age. For sure, 30, maybe 33, I’ll be retired or be able to, right? Not that I’d ever retire.
At this point, it’s funny, because one of the things that happens for a lot of the men that come through The Activation Method in particular and the Acceleration Blueprint but The Activation Method is they come to work on their marriage. And you know the classic line: I came to work on my marriage, and I found myself, or I saved myself. I hear that all the time. Sure, you do too.
That was me. And right, the guys are like, holy crap, I’m working less and making more money in my business. I didn’t think this would affect my business. And when something’s going wrong in your life, if you’re a business owner, it’s going to take up headspace, you know. And you, like me and the guys listening to this, when we’re depleted, we always think, all right, I can do a little bit more. And we push ourselves and push ourselves until something breaks.
Eric 13:24
And it’s a 16-hour day we put in. You’re laying there in bed going, “Oh, I could have done more.”
Doug Holt 13:28
You’re thinking about the things that need to get done, the open loops.
Eric 13:32
Exactly.
Doug Holt 13:32
It is absolutely crazy. You know, when you mentioned the calendars, I’ve shared this many times. But before TPM, I used to do this too. I did high-end coaching, and I also used women, so it was business executives and owners.
And one of the first things I would do these are high net-worth individuals. They’re paying six figures for coaching. It’s a big investment financially, also time, right? Time is a big thing for them. And one of the first things I’ll do, and I’ll say, like, “Eric, all right, what are your priorities? Like, you’re reflecting on life. What’s most important to you?”
“Well, Doug,” they start to list family, my dog, vacations.
And okay, great. Pull up your calendar. Excuse me, no, do a screen share. Pull up your Outlook Calendar, Google Calendar, whatever you use. I want to see it now. And then they’ll reluctantly do it.
And I’m like, okay, you just gave me a list of five things, right? And we go into much more detail, but you gave me a list of five key things in your life that are super important to you, that you say are the most important things. Let’s see where they’re on the calendar. I cannot think of one time when I’ve seen all of them on the calendar, you know? And I’ve been doing this for a long time.
So this gives you an idea. Do I see work meetings on a calendar every time? Yes. Occasionally I’ll see, like, a kid’s soccer game or something like that, but that’s also pretty rare. And just show us show me your calendars, I’ll show you your true priorities.
And you can do the same thing with someone’s bank account. Right. “Oh, your marriage is really important to you? Okay, let’s pull up your bank account. Show me date night expenses.” I don’t think you have to spend money on date night because you can do it for free, but let’s be real. All of us are spending money on date night at some point, or on our kids, or the vacation with the family. Let’s see it.
And you hear guys all the time say, “I just don’t have the time for that vacation,” or, “It’s too expensive to do the x, y, or z.” He’s talking to UK guys. But they wait till later to do it, and unfortunately, some guys wait till it’s too late.
Eric 15:36
Till it’s too late. Yep. 100%. That’s bringing up something else for me. I know I’ve been this guy myself too. And there was a guy I was talking to he had just spent a week in Hawaii with his wife. Came back. This was, he got back on a Sunday. This was a Tuesday, you know, and they’re back at it, squabbling. He’s like, “Man, I just spent all this money, did this whole vacation, and she’s back.”
I’m like, that thing has a shelf life. And I said, for that period of time. And so each day you got to show up. Each day. Doesn’t need to be a Hawaii trip every day, but needs to be something. Yes, you know.
Doug Holt 16:09
So we talk about safety at TPM a lot, right? And that was a concept that was so foreign to me. Like, my wife told me she didn’t feel safe. I was like, “What are you talking about? You’re plenty safe.”
But it’s the emotional safety I didn’t understand. And so I was talking to one guy I was working with one-on-one, and he had explained to me that he had been a jerk for a very long time. And so he calls me ranting and raving, “I’ve been so awesome for two and a half weeks,” whatever time it was, but roughly.
Eric 16:42
From his perspective, right.
Doug Holt 16:44
From his perspective, “Doug, I’ve done everything right. And then I finally snapped, like, you know, yelled at her: ‘Why won’t you have sex? Why won’t you do this? Why won’t you?'” And he was going into expletives and very specific things you probably wouldn’t say to most wives, especially if you’re in a relationship that’s not working.
And let’s just call this guy’s name John, and it’s not his name. I go, “John, so you’ve been great for two and a half weeks?”
“Yes, I’ve done everything you’ve told me. I’ve been the best.”
I’m like, “Okay, first of all, it sounds like you’re doing it for something. Yep, right? So that’s not really real. Second thing is, you said you were a jerk, right?”
He said, “Oh yeah, I was a jerk for over a decade. I was the worst guy ever. I missed this, I missed that births of kids, weddings, I missed everything, out all night. Like, all of these things. I was the worst.”
Okay, so your wife’s got 10 years of evidence of you being an asshole, right? And you couldn’t even go two and a half weeks. What are you expecting? Right? Trust is pretty small. The trust is going to be extremely small, none, because you need that consistency. Like you’re saying, you can’t just buy the Hawaii vacation and expect that that’s going to all of a sudden, “Hey, I spent three grand, six grand, whatever, on the vacation, therefore you owe me.”
That’s horse trading. It’s a transaction. You know, now you’re in a business deal, not a relationship.
Eric 18:05
100%. I mean, I can just relate that to my business, where I’m at it literally today. You know, the version of Eric that wasn’t showing up for himself from two years ago I am reaping the fruit or bad fruit of that today. And then so now this new version gets to…
Doug Holt 18:27
Hey guys, I just want to share something with you. I’m sure we can both agree that in order to fix something, you need to know what’s broken. And not only do you need to know what’s broken, but a step-by-step methodology on how you can fix it. That’s the easiest way to do it, right? Otherwise, you’re gonna be toiling with things.
That’s why I created a free training. A training that not only shows you how you got to where you are, where your relationship is missing that love, respect, admiration, and even intimacy that it used to have, but also how you get it back.
How do you retain that, where your wife’s looking at you the same way she used to look at you when she said, “I do”? You know, I don’t know about you, but for me, when my wife looks at me like I’m her man, I feel like I can conquer the world. And I want that for you.
Simply go over to thepowerfulman.com/scales. That’s thepowerfulman.com/scales. And I have a free video training for you. You can just click play and see if this resonates for you.
Now, back to the podcast.
Eric 19:29
You know, take us to the future. So that’s exciting and challenging at the same time. Sure, because, you know, you’re just dealing with all those energetic holes that are in the boat that were created people or process and you know, now just bringing it full stern and trying to make it happen.
Doug Holt 19:45
Congratulations, by the way. I mean, so many guys we get several thousand guys inquire every single month, right? And how many of those guys actually take action? And of those guys that take action, how many actually do the deep work? And you have, right? So kudos to you.
It’s scary going outside your comfort zone. Oh, it is. And it’s easy to say, “Okay, I already got it right,” which is what a teenager does, right? Teenagers think they know everything, and they’re the most dangerous people. You don’t want a teenager anywhere near your business, your car, or your family. She’s not making decisions.
So kudos to you for doing that. And I think what scares guys is the unknown on the other side. Yep. You’re gonna make changes. You’re gonna have to clean some stuff up if you know you haven’t been showing up the way you need to show up.
And where you are today, I hope you get to look back at where you were two years ago when you joined TPM and laugh. Lovingly laugh, like, you know, I hoped I always talk about this. So I’m 48. When I turn 49, I hope I laugh at the 48-year-old version of me, excited because I’ve grown. Yep, right? And the decision to have more wisdom.
And while I have to clean things up, probably, that’s a beautiful… We’re still human, right? We’re all on this journey. Man, I’m certainly not perfect. I’ve never claimed to be. But I’m on a journey of bettering myself towards my personal goals not yours or anybody else’s.
And I think that’s where a lot of us can flounder a little bit is chasing that, you know, the dream that’s been sold to us.
Eric 21:19
Or that it has to be this way, and if it’s not, then there’s something wrong with me, right?
Doug Holt 21:23
Absolutely. You have to, you know, you’re a business owner, you need to be working 60 hours a week. That’s just what business owners do.
Eric 21:31
Somebody keeps throwing this one book at me. I’m sure you’ve probably heard it with The Four Hour Work Week. I haven’t read it, but I’m just like, that’s what I’m talking about.
Doug Holt 21:38
So I read that when it first came out. That actually sent me on one of the books that helped me go on my journey. Gosh, I was in my 20s. So that’s how long that book…I believe that’s how long that book’s been out. Funny thing total change of subject but Tim Ferris, who’s the author of that book, the book has nothing to do with working four hours, just so you know. He tested using Google ads a bunch of titles, and whichever one people clicked on the most, he just called the book that.
It’s really about automation and systems, right? And systems that was what I took out of it. I’ve read it probably four or five times early on in my journey trying to figure things out. I used to read, I’d walk for an hour a day, listen to an audio. That’s a great book. I mean, you get to figure out how to live your life. And for someone that’s been at your stage of your career, you’ve paid your dues. Right, you’ve paid a lot of them anyway.
Eric 22:37
And I think what I’m trying to say there, Doug, is that it’s like, you know, less is more, you know. Because I think we’re all stuck with the belief that, you know, if we do more, we’ll get more. So it’s just getting away from that.
Doug Holt 22:55
I look at it I agree with you and I look at it slightly differently. I think you get to determine the rules of the game, right, and what game you’re playing. And so for some guys, you work more because you want to, right? I work a lot, but I choose to. I get to do this hang out with cool guys like you, have great conversations but I choose the name of the game that I’m going to play.
You know, no, I’m not going to be here at four. I’m going to come here when dinner’s ready, and different things like that. And you get to decide what it is you do. Are you coming up tonight?
Eric 24:21
I’m coming tonight. Good.
Doug Holt 22:55 (cont.)
I know you have a big business conversation coming on, so thanks. It’s all good. I think we as men or business people get to determine the rules of the game. And in your marriage, like, what game do you want to play? Like, there’s something my wife and I have done hey, let’s rate our marriage, scale of one to 10.
And it can be hard though. Sometimes she’s like an eight and I’m a six. Sometimes I’m an eight and she’s like a four or a three. And so it can be a tough pill to swallow, but the more grounded you become, you take it as just data. Okay, what’s coming up for you? And you’ll find out what it is, and you learn quickly. It doesn’t mean I’ve done anything wrong or right for that to happen. It’s just where she’s at at that moment.
Eric 24:21
I’ve just noticed that myself in regards to the relationship. It just feels like, at least to me, from my perspective I mean, if Heidi was sitting here, she might say something different but there’s just been more playful, lighthearted, just not so serious, not having these expectations, right?
You know, because the guy’s driving home, he’s like, “When I get home, this is gonna happen, this is gonna happen. Then I get tonight and get to bed, this is going to happen.” And it’s just like, how about just going with the flow? And then, you know, what’s really been crucial is that decompression. It’s just, like, literally sometimes, like, it’s as simple as just changing my shirt. You know, I got a logo shirt, I’m taking that off, and maybe I’m going the rest of my shirt off, or I’m just putting another shirt on, just to I just have a practical thing of switching gears.
Kind of like Over the Top when he switches his hat around, right? 100%, I’m ready to go. So it’s just actively doing that and just that mindfulness and that awareness around honoring myself in the feelings that are going on within me.
Lately, I’ve been talking about, you know, there’s the high energy, just the person that comes out forward, but then underlying there’s these undercurrents, right, of maybe joy or fear or anxiety or sadness, and they’re down there, just waving a flag sometimes. And as men, we’re taught to just like, oh, especially around anger, you know, you got to suppress it.
So I find myself, as I’m driving and things like that, as life is squeezing me, instead of just pretending that that’s not happening, it’s actually just moving into that energy and embodying it and using it as fuel to just do whatever I’m doing, or some sort of release. You know, it might be just yelling or just honoring, or just acting out in a way just kind of a nervous system reset. And that’s really been beneficial as well, to just honor who it is and allow it to flow through me, instead of just suppressing it as it builds up.
Doug Holt 26:17
It not does it build up, but it comes out at the most…
Eric 26:23
Like the slightest little thing just pow! and then finally, you’re done. Then you’re trying to fix it.
Doug Holt 26:31
Well, I call it the guilt I mean, I’m sure it’s not my thing but the guilt-shame loop, right? So I’ll describe it for me. I won’t put it on anybody else, but I’m pretty sure most men can relate.
You hold it all in because you’re being a nice guy, right? You bite your tongue. “All right, all right, all right, I’ll take the truck, okay. Yep, I’ll change the oil on the truck, okay. All right.” And then eventually, you know your cup is empty, you’re depleted, and you’re kind of like, “You know what? I work all day, and you’re staying at home. Why shouldn’t I have to do any of the dishes?” And you go off, and your wife is now upset.
Now you’re disconnected. You’re like, “Oh, I’m an asshole.” Then you feel shame, and then you feel guilt, and then you get angry at yourself. Stuff it down. That cycle repeats. It’s like an eddy, right? Like being in this loop, this crazy loop over and over again, where emotion is energy in motion.
So I think of it, you get to transmutate that energy and do it in other ways. Sometimes you can just have a conversation. I’ve got a Thai kickboxing bag in my garage. Sometimes I’m like, “You know what, I just need a minute.” And I’ll go out there. My wife can hear the whole garage shaking. She knows what’s going on.
But she’d much prefer I take that anger and upset out there, and I’ll come in, “Okay, I’m better. Let’s talk.” But you got to get it out. And as men, as you said, and you know this all too well, we stuff it down. You and I doing the TARS and other things that you’ve been through, I’ve seen men that have stuffed stuff down since childhood, right? And deep-seated things that just need a safe place to release.
I’ll share one more story that I share often. There was this gentleman that was at one of our events. Big guy, big old boy. And his kind of, I think what he took pride on is he was the baseball coach, the football coach, the basketball coach. And he was a big, strong dude, and he would protect children, no problem at all. He was that guy.
And so I looked him in the eye and said, “You’ll never go near my kids. I don’t trust you.” And it just crushed him. He was like, “What?” Because you can’t control your anger. I can see it in you, right? You’re stuffing it down. You’re looking at me, and he had this stance, and he’s like, “What do you mean?” with a smile, this huge smile on his face.
But you’ve done this enough to know that I can see through the mask. I can feel that. But also his left foot was forward, his right foot was back. He was standing at an angle, just like if you were throwing a punch. He’s like, “I’m not angry.”
“Dude, I can see you’re pretty pissed at me right now, and I’m okay with that. You need to learn how to release this and control it.”
And by the end of the event, to his credit, I go, “Dude, you could watch my kids, hang out with my wife without me anytime. I completely trust you.”
Eric 29:20
Isn’t that amazing? They come in one way and just out another. I mean, you can just see it on them, and then when they leave, it’s just so in only three days. Beautiful. It’s like a year’s worth of therapy in three or four days. It’s crazy.
Doug Holt 29:33
We had a guy one time overcome 20 years of therapy an issue he had for 20 years and had been going multiple times a day for 20 years for one specific thing that had been holding…amazing businessman. You would never know what. I’m not going to say what his issue was, but you never would know what it is. But I will tell you well anyway, you never know what it is.
And I started crying when he shared it with me. I had just tears in my eyes because I had no idea. Then when it came out for him, and he had overcome it, it was just such a joyous occasion. And was he beautiful talking to him afterwards. He’s been so free. It’s an awesome thing. You’ve done a great job. Thanks, man. Well, I mean, it’s men like you they’re doing the work, and you’re coming back.
I mentioned this to coach Steve earlier, but I hope someday you realize the ripple effect that you’re having. I know you kind of know it, but that you see you know, have nine guys coming. These nine guys are going back to families with kids and going back to businesses right there. And that ripple effect is spreading out. So those nine guys might be 90 people touched relatively quickly. You know, and you’ve done this four times.
Eric 30:46
Yep, I look forward to Alpha Rising in October and recent other Reset volunteer in December.
Doug Holt 30:53
Are you?
Eric 30:54
That one’s scheduled, so cool.
Doug Holt 30:57
That’s awesome. We’ll build you a little house on the property, right? Got 106 acres. Make it happen. No kidding. That’s great. The Rising so for guys that are listening to this that don’t know, the Alpha Rising because we don’t talk about that much is the second phase of the Alpha Reset. So men have got to be in their year two of our programs to even go to it. And it’s going to be an amazing event. I’m excited for you.
Me too. Take it to the next level. It will for sure, for sure. And of course, we told you everything about…
Eric 31:27
Oh, right.
Doug Holt 31:29
So if you could imagine a buddy of yours, Eric 1.0, one of these guys that you sit down a guy listening to this right now you know, I would be the guy walking, listening to a podcast, or on the treadmill maybe, or maybe my car. If you could impart a piece of wisdom one, two, three, whatever, whatever calls to you what would you like to be able to sit down and say to them?
Eric 31:51
What’s first popping in my head is just and most of us like to think we’ve got it all figured out but then we look at, you know, then we look at our joy level, our peace level, our happiness, you know, and they’re at an all-time low. And it’s like, oh, well, if you got it so figured out, well then how come things aren’t better even your marriage, with your communication, with your kids, and your job, and your body, you know?
And it’s really just getting honest with yourself and just going in and surrendering surrendering to you. You know, I’ve had issues in the past with some things, and it’s like I had to surrender. It’s like I really had to go somewhere for help. I just surrendered to help, like, “Doug, man, I’m really struggling with this.”
And just, if it’s just one man to start with, just to share that, share that unpleasant truth that’s hidden unmask it, unreveal it, bring it into the light. And the truth will set you free, as they say. And you know, reach out to somebody you know. It doesn’t have to be a TPM guy whatever it is, the pastor, a friend, a therapist just start doing something. Or even just picking up one of these books or something.
And from that, just not being so fearful of the judgment that we perceive that others are putting on us that’s usually me judging myself from my experience.
Doug Holt 33:13
Let me ask you this: do you like it when someone comes up to you and asks for your opinion or advice? Everybody does. We don’t want to…so by not asking for help, we take it away from the other person. Right? We take away a little bit of their joy by not asking their opinion or their advice, because every dude likes giving their opinion and their advice, right?
Eric 33:39
Mansplaining, I think they call it, right?
Doug Holt 33:42
Just telling how it is. So instead of being worried about it or what people are going to think of you, just think of yourself listener, guy listening to this or watching this on YouTube or wherever you can give somebody else the opportunity of having that joy of giving their opinion or their advice. Doesn’t mean you have to take it, right? There’s no rules on that. But you can at least just get some collaborative information out there.
I love that. Awesome, man. Well, thanks for everything you do for the movement, yourself, your family, for your community. You’re making a difference. Man, I know you know that. And again, like I said, I would love for you to see it to the fullest level that it is.
Eric 34:24
I appreciate it. It’s my pleasure.
Doug Holt 34:26
Awesome, brother. Gentlemen, as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. I mean, Eric is an example of what we call the lighthouse. And a lighthouse is simply a man that is shining so brightly and guiding ships to safe harbor not going out there and trying to rescue ships like a tugboat, but actually staying on.
And I can’t tell you guys how many times I was the lighthouse that would just turn off when it was inconvenient. Eric’s an example of that man that just stays on regardless of the storm, right? He’s got backup generators just in case, ready for him to go.
So how are you going to be a lighthouse in your environment, in your world? And like Eric said, start by talking to somebody. It doesn’t have to be TPM. If it is, contact one of our advisors. It’s just a phone conversation. I mean, you can even hang up if you wanted to I’m going to ask that you don’t be rude. Those are people with families as well. Most of our advisors have been through our program, and they’re men just like us like you, like me and so please treat them with respect.
And anywhere you go, you should do that. But also, if it’s a pastor, a priest, a rabbi, if it’s a buddy just grabbing a beer or grabbing a cup of coffee, just really reach out to somebody. And remember, if you have hesitation, just remember how you feel when somebody reaches out to you. You feel great, right? You feel honored and respected that they took the time to talk to you. So maybe you can do that for them.
Anyway, you deserve more than average. We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
