fbpx

A Woman’s Take – How To Wake Up Before It’s Too Late

Episode #661

What are some warning signs of trouble in a relationship?

Are you spending too much time on your phone? 

If you notice any warning signs in your relationship, it’s time to address the issues immediately so you can avoid more serious problems in the future. Save yourself first so you can be more present with your family. 

In this episode, Nanette, Mo, and Tim are discussing how to recognize the warning signs in the relationship and what you can do to stay engaged in your marriage.

Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

Also listen on:

iTunes
Stitcher
Spotify

Transcription

Tim Matthews  00:51

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. I am joined here with two incredible women: Mrs. Mo Momentum Parks and the Ninja Nanette. So this is gonna be an interesting episode. Because, no, honestly, I put a post out into the team early in the week, when the guys the team know that Mr. Dougie Fresh was going to be aware today because well this week rather, because he’s been delivering an Alpha Reset and offered other women on the team a chance to come onto the podcast and ask them hey, what would you like to discuss? How would you feel like the man needs to hear the ninja the nets, he shared an idea and sorted momentum. So we’re going to take the next two episodes to discuss both of these ideas. The first one, what was the idea for the first one, and that?

Nanette Dib  01:50

It was basically wake up before it’s too late.

Tim Matthews  01:53

Okay, so what’s inspired this topic?

Nanette Dib  01:57

So it just, you know, just from a lot of people that we’ve spoken to and people that we know, you know, for women, it’s very easy for them to, you know, try and try and then just completely check out. And for the guy, he might think that, oh, she’s probably just having a bad day, oh, this is just what she’s like that they don’t really see the warning signs before it gets too far to when they are properly checked out. And it just makes such a difference. If the guy does realize, before it gets to that point, he can just really step up and make changes and just stop it from getting too far. Because when it does get a little bit too far, it is definitely really difficult to get back to where you want it to be.

Tim Matthews  02:44

Okay. I can see you nodding, are you thinking?

Mo Parks  02:50

I’m thinking that the checking out phase can definitely happens after in my experience after the anger, frustration, anxious, sadness phase. And so in my experience with women, and how they experienced that check – checked outedness is really different. And I’d say that Nanette, and I have really different experiences in that as well, too, in the way that we show up when in a particular relationship, or it might be checked out.

Tim Matthews  03:20

Hmm, awesome. Yeah, because I think I’ll be definitely helpful for the guys to hear some of the warning signs and your individual experiences, because I know for myself, I’m sure I can definitely miss them at times. So it’ll be interesting for me to hear these as well. But just give a little intro for each of you, if you will, because let’s say there’s somebody new listen to the show, that have a clue who Ninja is or who Momentum is, going to give yourself. Give them a little bit of an intro as to who you are, why you join the movement as well.

I think it’d be good for them to know what inspired you because you two are both amazing women, you can be anywhere do anything you want to do. And you choosing to be here, there’s a reason for that. I think it’d be good for the listeners to understand that. Because I think that we’ll also call it a perspective that you guys are coming from when you share the wisdom that you have to share. So over to you, Ninja!

Nanette Dib  04:18

Okay, so I’ve actually been with the powerful man for a year now. And it was actually my first job because I was a homemaker. I have three kids, and I was busy looking after them and playing that role. And then, you know, my kids were finally all at school and I realized that I really wanted to do something for myself. And so I found the Powerful Man and I started as a setter, as a postdoc as an advisor. And then now I am just behind the scenes. Just…I don’t know. I’m the ninja.

Tim Matthews  05:02

Yeah you are the ninja. So what is it, about what we do the powerful man that drew you to it?

Nanette Dib  05:10

And just seeing like the results, how crazy I always say like, the Powerful Man is like magic. Just as soon as someone, you know, get started and just starts talking to the coaches and starts putting in the work, how their life completely changes, whether they are, you know, the guys that join or even the, the team members because we are like a family as well. And everyone looks out for each other as well.

And everyone’s so supportive. Like, it’s weird, like, whenever if there’s a day that I a little off, someone always reaches out from the team, and it’s like they know, and then the coaches will be like, okay, let’s, you know, let’s see what we can do. Or you know, Mo will be like, okay, we’re gonna do this exercise. It’s just like, everyone is just holds everyone accountable and supports everyone. And it’s just amazing to see that in the world that we live in these days. It’s just so nice to be part of such an amazing team, family.

Tim Matthews  06:06

Yeah, it is. Curious, bit of a tangent, but we’ll let it go too far. In your opinion, how important is it to you to be with a guy that’s willing to do the work on himself?

Nanette Dib  06:21

To be with the guy?

Tim Matthews  06:23

Yeah, let’s say you’re in a relationship with a guy, how important is it to you to be with somebody who’s willing to do the work on themselves?

Nanette Dib  06:29

Honestly, for me, personally, I think it’s so important, I think it’s, it just shows that this is a person that knows that there’s always more work to do, no matter how perfect a guy thinks he is, or a person thinks they are. It’s always good that they acknowledge that there’s always room for improvement, and that they are willing to put in the work to really keep growing in, you know, in their life, we have one life to live, you really do want to see the guy that you’re with, like always taking steps forward, rather than just staying still and being comfortable because there’s just so much more to learn, and to experience. And when you ask someone putting in that time and effort, it’s definitely very attractive as well.

Tim Matthews  07:18

What does that do for you being with a guy like that, who is willing to put in the work and continue to improve?

Nanette Dib  07:25

It gives you a sense of safety as well, because it just shows that there’s someone that’s always willing to keep moving forward. And let’s like even in any scenario, like if there’s an issue, you know, that this guy is going to, you know, find a solution. Because even within himself, that’s what he’s doing. So if there’s any sort of any crisis or anything that happens, you know, that he’s also programmed to be like, okay, this is where we’re at. And this is what we’re going to do to get to the next step.

Tim Matthews  07:54

Nice. What about you, Mo?

Mo Parks  07:57

My intro, or that question?

Tim Matthews  07:59

All of it. Yeah, I’m sure you’re tracking.

Mo Parks  08:03

Yeah, so I’m Mo Parks with Powerful Man almost two years now. So great me. And Mama for used to be a stay at home mom for about seven or eight years, husband owned a business. So very similar to a lot of guys that come in here. And we decided to stop and kind of switch roles. So kind of a weird dynamic, but we’ve loved it. And it’s really, really been awesome. As far as a question and I work here as an advisor with a lot of — the other ones that help you. As far as the question it before we got married, I made a list of non negotiables.

And the top of the non-negotiable list was a guy who’s willing to do the work on himself and a guy who’s willing to surround himself with friends that he is talking to, that are playing at a higher level than him. So a mentor, basically. And that was super important to me, because if we ever found ourselves in a place where we were in trouble, I wanted to know there were support systems, not like necessarily specific things but support systems that were in place in his life that were already a piece of the puzzle. So they didn’t even cross through the MO dating pool without those things.

Tim Matthews  09:18

That’s a dating pool. How big was it, dating pool? Okay, fantastic. Well, let’s get into the topic then. So, Net, I’m gonna go first. So explain to me what in your experience or what you or your friends have shared with you. What are some of the warning signs that typically happen for a woman when they’re in a relationship with a guy they’re unhappy? They want things to change. What are some of the warning signs that go on and in your experience, as well how quickly the guys will realize that these warning signs are actually warning signs, do they pay attention? Or do they tend to go unnoticed?

Nanette Dib  10:08

Well, I mean, the warning signs, I guess that it could I mean, the guy, I mean, the thing is, once you’re in a relationship for a certain amount of time, you do both start to get comfortable. And so, you know, you’re both and, you know, everyone’s thinking that the other person is fine, because they’re fine. And then sometimes for the woman when she realizes, like, actually, this isn’t okay, she might try to, you know, be a little bit impulsive, but hey, let’s do this, like, let’s do let’s be spontaneous and do this. She’ll try to, you know, get a little bit off. You know, just try to spice things up and just be like, hey, we’ve never done this, let’s do this. And the guy might just said, oh, no, like, No, not right now. Or like, he’ll blow it off and put it off.

And then say, no, yeah, maybe later. But then it’s like, it just, it’s just another it’s like, almost like she’s trying to do something to change the narrative and just change the comfort zone, which she’s obviously not happy about. And the thing is, for a lot of guys, they just might think that oh, like, maybe she’s maybe it’s her time of the month, and she’s just stressed out, maybe the kids are stressing her out. Maybe this is just like a girl thing, a woman thing where she just needs time, and it will blow over.

And so they don’t really take it very seriously. And then even if she does say, hey, I’m not happy, he might also still be like, oh, it’s okay. And still not take it seriously until she’s really made it obvious. And then by then it’s a little bit like, oh, now you want to be spontaneous. It’s a little bit like, what about all those times where you know, because sometimes for a woman, like, for example, like one of my friends, she wasn’t happy in her marriage. And she felt like she wanted to try to, you know, do something where they could possibly reconnect again.

So she was okay, let’s go on holiday, let’s go do this. This opportunity has just come. I think she wanted to go away for like the Fourth of July. And she had sorted out everything, babysitters, and everything. And she told him Hey, I know it’s last minute. But let’s just go. And, you know, he had said no, no, no. So it almost felt like she I remember her saying that it felt like everything she wanted was sort of being shut down by the person that, you know, shouldn’t really be shutting you down the person that is meant to sort of be your partner in crime, the person that you want to enjoy life with.

And then when you are coming up with an idea to do something where you guys can reconnect and enjoy life, and they’re just saying, no, it makes her feel like, well, maybe she’s not a priority. And maybe he really doesn’t care. And he’s just fine with being, you know, just comfortable and just continuing and counting down the days, until he might feel like he wants to do something, and not really acknowledge that maybe this is her sort of trying to get things to a better place since he can already. I mean, the thing is, a lot of guys just think that everything’s fine. And that’s the problem.

And they keep going and keep going. But a lot of girls as well, a lot of women, they, they also can tend to like, take a lot as well, and they stay quiet and stay quiet. But they’ll do little hints here and there. But if they feel like the guy’s just not getting it, then they just feel like, hey, well, what’s the point? And then that’s when it comes to them saying, hey, I’m not happy. And by then, sometimes she’s already emotionally checked out. And it’s a lot harder to then change things up. And then here’s the problem. It can then be just seen as oh, now he’s doing this just because he knows I’m completely done. So then that also makes it harder to come back from because is it actually genuine.

Tim Matthews  14:12

Oh, you’re nodding your head.

Mo Parks  14:16

Or just that last piece? Yeah, I think that there’s always when you get to that place, there’s always a hesitancy of trust, like trusting someone’s behavior, trusting because they’ve been inconsistent in the past that they won’t be consistent. And so I think there’s always gonna be a little bit of that solid wall.

Tim Matthews  14:34

So you saying when the guy leaves it too late to change you then?

Mo Parks  14:41

Then he’s working in a battle because she’s going to be constantly feeling like I don’t know if this is real, like, is this really gonna last? Is this really something? Is this an identity change? Or is this just a behavioral change? And there’s always gonna be those questions because either they’ve seen them go up and down before it and it’s not been consistent, or they’ve never seen them tried before. And now all of a sudden, because divorce is on the table, they’re gonna start trying, who wouldn’t try in that situation?

Nanette Dib  15:11

Yeah. I feel like a lot of guys that we do speak to. That’s what they also complain about. They say that they’re trying now, but she doesn’t believe it. And she thinks it’s just like their last Hail Mary. And so they’re really stressed out because they’re like, oh, she doesn’t believe the things I’m trying to do now. So that’s the thing. That’s why when they do leave it, so right at the end, like, it is difficult, because then it really is just, is this just to trick me into being happy again for a little bit? And then you’re gonna go back to not caring and just being comfortable and just ignoring the real issues?

Tim Matthews  15:51

What do you guys, what do you do in that? What do you need in that scenario, then let’s say a guy’s in that scenario. He’s left it too late. And he’s beginning to make changes. In that scenario, what would have to happen for you in order to you got to doubt that that’s fine. What would have to happen in order to then have that doubt subside and the reconnection occur?

Nanette Dib  16:14

I think that, for it to be as genuine as possible. I think he’d have to acknowledge that actually, yes, he’s woken up. And he’s seen that she wasn’t doing the right things. Not even doing the right things. But he just wasn’t showing up. He wasn’t present. It was almost like, you know, that movie, click where it’s like Adam Sandler, and he has that like, remote. And he’s like, on autopilot. And he’s just doing the motions, but he’s not really there.

So I feel like for guides to just acknowledge that actually, yeah, you’re right. Like, I haven’t been showing up. I haven’t, you know, we haven’t been connecting, because some guys will they know, what are you talking about? Everything’s fine. But they’re not accepting that actually know, things weren’t like this and now they are. And it’s not good. So I think for them to really accept and acknowledge that, yeah, things haven’t been good. That just shows that they also do. They’re validating how you feel, because they also agree. So that’s a big thing, first, and then to then also be doing the work because they’re realizing that something might be wrong — was not wrong with them. But maybe they also got too comfortable, and they lost track of where they’re at.

So for them to then want to do the work for themselves as well. Not just, like, throw money at you or just like book all these vacations to make it up to like, that’s not going to work, it has to be that hang on, something is wrong, because why aren’t we connecting the way we used to? Why aren’t we enjoying life the way we used to? So maybe that’s something where they need to evaluate themselves, work on figuring out what it is that makes them happy? And how they can also bring that to the table when connecting with their wife?

Tim Matthews  18:09

Hmmm, love this! What about you, Mo? What’s your opinion on this?

Mo Parks  18:13

Yeah, so one of the biggest traps that a lot of guys fall into once they start to make all these changes is that when she gives them resistance, she gets him resistance. They’re they blow up or they become reactive, or they’re like, I’ve been trying it and they try to prove themselves, instead of just being calm, staying consistent, doing the work for themselves, not to impress their wives or to win their wives back. But to do it because it’s what the genuine change they want. Right?

Because she doesn’t want to see a behavioral change. She wants to see a character change. She wants him similar to what Nanette said, to acknowledge that what he did, it wasn’t right, right? Like she comes to you say you’re doing all this new work. And she comes up like, oh, sure, all this great effort now. And a great response would be like, you’re right, like I wasn’t showing up before. And that was wrong, and I shouldn’t have been. But I’m gonna keep doing this. Because I see this is who I am. And I can understand your hesitation. And trust me, and I know it’s gonna take some time and walk away.

Like that is a stable response. That’s what’s gonna make her think that the change and transformation is happening. And she’s gonna do it over and over and over again, because of that, and I probably did it over and over and over again, the test, are you strong enough to hold me? Is this true? Is this real? And it’s not because we don’t want to trust it’s because we want the relationship. And guys think it’s because we don’t. And that’s the mistake that they make. If you’re getting tested in your new efforts, it’s because she cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t mention it at all.

Nanette Dib  19:44

Exactly. And that’s the problem with a lot of guys they get rather than the correct response that you had just shared Mo. A lot of them will get angry and say, oh, well, what’s the point of even doing this if all you’re going to do is complain? And then she’s like, oh, there you go. I knew it. It’s just adding more fuel to the fire.

Tim Matthews  20:03

Ohh, that’s like a trick to me. The tricky trickiness.

Nanette Dib  20:09

Gotcha.

Tim Matthews  20:10

Okay. So, yeah, so the warning signs are, in your opinion, what are some of the warning signs that the guys miss in the early days because obviously, the topic of this episode is wake up before it’s too late. Part of that is helping the guys to realize, hey, there are some warning signs going on. Sometimes you missing them. And here they are from, from a woman’s perspective. And Doug and I have shared some in the past, but it’s totally different coming from you guys.

Mo Parks  20:37

So say the question again, what are the warning that what?

Tim Matthews  20:40

Just what are some of the warning signs that you have heard, or seen men not typically pay attention to in the breakdown of the relationship?

Mo Parks  20:55

Why one that was true for me, is I eventually felt that I couldn’t share any more with my husband. So I just spent way more time with my friends. And that was viewed as oh, like most working on her to be healthy. But really what I was doing was telling them everything. And I think that was like a big warning sign for me that maybe my husband didn’t pick up on another one, let me think.

Nanette Dib  21:33

And I agree with Mo, that’s awesome. That was, that’s a big warning sign when, especially when, you know, your wife, usually, you know, she doesn’t have time for her friends, because she’s, you know, enjoying her time with you when you are home after work, or she’s busy with the kids. And obviously, she still had time for friends.

But when your wife starts to really like, be constantly on the phone with friends and making more plans with friends rather than with you, that is definitely a warning sign. That’s her wanting to be happy and try to find happiness. And she’s not finding it with you. So she’s having to go to her friends, and, you know, make plans to go to dinner with her friends, because you guys aren’t making plans to make dinner.

Tim Matthews  22:18

What about spending more time on phone? Is that…why? (Crosstalk)

Mo Parks  22:21

Oh, yeah!

Tim Matthews  22:12

Yeah?

Mo Parks  22:23

Yeah, just a total nothing out of like, let me escape this world and just get into another one. Not to mention, it’s already like, pretty common. I feel like well, both men and women’s are on phones. But yeah, that incessant need to just have something else to do because she doesn’t want to feel like she has to think about the pain all the time. Right? Escapism, yeah.

Honestly, constantly bringing up the past is a really is one that gets missed a lot. We get I think men get caught in the weeds of handling every past issue as she brings it up, instead of like addressing and acknowledging the reason she’s bringing it up is because she’s starting to get, like resentful about it. And she doesn’t want that she’s trying to clear it, but she’s doing unhealthy way.

Nanette Dib  23:08

Yeah. And also like argument that there might be small arguments, but it’s from the built up resentment, that maybe any small thing that usually would be fine, is now causing like her to snap and like, you know, there’s something else deeper than that. And that’s where you know that I was just like, oh, like, maybe she’s just having a bad day. But then they just add up and add up. And it’s just because she’s secretly crying out for help. But he’s not picking up on that. And he’s just thinking, oh, what’s wrong with her? Rather than like, really being like, hey, let’s sit and talk what’s going on?

Mo Parks  23:48

What do I got another one? (Crosstalk) That I think is really important. A total lack of engagement on the intimacy, but a, what makes it feel will make…Sorry, can y’all hear me? Yes, total lack of engagement from her. But what makes it tricky to catch is that you guys are still functioning in the day to day pretty well, right? Like you’re doing stuff with the kids, you’re taking them. They’re like, Your days are busy. But you actually don’t really connect and you can get caught in this idea of oh, it’s busy.

And that’s why we don’t connect, no woman wants to connect. So if she’s not connecting, it’s on purpose, like she doesn’t like getting close to you. She doesn’t want to share with you. And so if you’re kind of like, we’re good, we’re not bad, but we’re not good. You’re bad. I’m not doing as well.

Nanette Dib  24:37

Yeah.

Mo Parks  24:38

Because that’s what women crave and long enough without that. Yeah, you’re gonna see some other symptoms pop up, whether that’s her going somewhere else for that attention, or whether that’s not to say that that’s right, or that that’s okay, or that that’s fair, but it is sometimes what happens and what we see.

Nanette Dib  24:56

Yeah. And a lot of women like I know, like, I’ve heard stories, like a lot of women will, you know, obviously, the mother is tired, like, it’s been a long day, and she’s been with the kids all day. But if she starts like going to sleep early, or like falling asleep before you come into the room, like, sometimes that can just be also her trying to avoid any intimacy with you, because she’s just doesn’t want to just be intimate as if everything’s good when really, it’s not good. And she just doesn’t want to just give that that away right now. And so she’ll find ways to pretend to fall asleep or just constantly, like, try to be as busy as possible so that she’s not in a situation where she does have to be intimate.

Tim Matthews  25:50

Law warning signs. And if the guy who’s listening to this, you can claim ignorance, right, although I do get the — I kept being scared as well. I’m just thinking of some of these guys that are in the position that they’re in, usually, when they come to us, and they reach out. What advice would you be? What advice would you be? What advice would you give to one of the guys right is in this season, a relationship, or a warning signs going off?

He wants to fix a relationship. However, he’s made attempts he’s been rejected several times. Maybe it’s just been a test, right? But he’s seen it differently. He’s felt rejected. So therefore, he’s thinking, well, maybe it’s just easier if I don’t say anything because that way, then we don’t argue that way. Don’t rock the book. Right? But he wants to fix it. And part of his worry.

And we’ve heard this before with guys joining the program, right? Part of my worry is, if I invest in this program, it may rock the boat a little bit too much. Right? So what advice would you be? Keep saying what advice would you give to a guy that’s in that position from your perspective of wanting him to really step forward and serve it?

Nanette Dib  27:13

I mean, I, yeah, sorry, I was gonna say, I think one of the issues is that, like you said, like, a lot of guys will be like, okay, I’m just gonna leave it alone, and not do anything and hope that it blows over. And I think that’s the worst thing to do. Because all a woman really wants end of the day is just to be heard and validated. And the same goes for men as well, like, you just want to be heard. And you want them to acknowledge that, you know, things aren’t the way that they should be.

And this isn’t okay, that we just keep letting it drag on and you’re still not going to say anything, and just hope that all of a sudden, I’ll just wake up and all be good. And I’ll accept that this is just what the new norm is. When it’s like, why does that have to be the new norm, like, maybe that’s not good enough? And maybe that’s just not what you signed up for at the beginning.

Like you, you know, you get married because you love each other because you want to create a life together, you want to family together, you want to enjoy things together, whether they’re small things, or big things, like if those things just aren’t happening anymore, and then he still just wants to keep quiet. Like, that’s really not going to help at all.

And at the same time, if he’s all the sudden, trying to do these big gestures, like that’s also like, it’s also like, going out these guys, but that also like can be tricky. That’s why it’s so important. Like, I it’s so important for a guy to always be checking in on the relationship. Like, are you guys spending time together? Are you making time together? Are you taking time to say to check in and be like, hey, how are you doing? Or like, just check in rather than just, you know, everyone’s busy? Yes, of course. But the most important, really, the most important thing is your relationship with your spouse. And if you’re not taking that time to really check in and see are they really okay, rather than just being like, oh, they’re probably just stressed out about the kids or this will blow over. Like that just makes things so much worse.

Tim Matthews  29:25

Well, I used to pretend either wife of one of these guys and then that what advice would you give him? Right? You’re in this relationship. You want to fix it? He wants to fix it. He’s going a little bit too late. You’ve been waiting for a while. The one for out, one for instill, but one for out. What would you say to him?

Nanette Dib  29:51

I would really want him to acknowledge that, yes, I’m not the crazy person here that has just made…

Tim Matthews  29:58

I want you to say so you speak into him like, imagine in front of you. That’s what you’d want to say.

Nanette Dib  30:05

Okay, I would say, I really need you to let me know that this isn’t just me that I’ve just made this up. Because this was not what life was at the beginning, this is not what we signed up for, you know, I want to enjoy my life with you, I want us to constantly be growing together rather than growing apart. And yes, you’re busy with work, yes, I’m busy with the kids that we should always still make time for each other. You know, we are each other’s not just, you know, we are each other’s best friends.

And we are also, you know, lovers and just everything and we need to keep checking in and I need you. And since that hasn’t been happening, I need you to firstly just acknowledge that, yeah, things haven’t been good. And I don’t need you to all of a sudden, like, suffocate me trying to make up for it in a week of like, okay, we’re doing this, this, this, this this, like, No, give me some space acknowledge, give me the space to see that you are acknowledging it.

Let me look from far and see that you are putting in the work now. Because you are realizing that it’s a wakeup call for you as well because it can’t just be that one of us. This just this isn’t working, it has to be that 100%, like, it takes two to tango, if one person isn’t good, then the other person can feel it. But the other person as in like, you are just trying to, you know, just push it under the rug.

And that doesn’t work. That’s only going to make things worse. So I need you to firstly, validate and agree that I mean, agree if you agree that yes, things haven’t been the way they should be. And then just basically, you know, let me see for myself that you have seen this and that you are willing to put in the work and that you do want to make things better on your own, to then make things better together.

Tim Matthews  32:11

What about you, Mo?

Mo Parks  32:13

Yeah. So if I were speaking as a guy, I’d say, it seems like in every, every other area of your life, you’re willing to do whatever it takes, so that you can put your head on the pillow and at night and know that you’ve tried everywhere. And for some reason, you won’t do that here. And you won’t do that for me. And you won’t do that for yourself. I mean, it’s not like it’s just me struggling here. Like I see you hurting, I see you numbing out with all that hurt with several.

Whatever the addiction of success, the addiction of to cheat achievement, the addiction of alcohol, and all these things, instead of just feeling it and I want to hear your feelings, I’m so tired of a life where you just keep leaving ours, like life isn’t good enough and like I’m not good enough. And I’m only going to know that you care about me, when you start caring about yourself, when you start taking things in your own hands and deciding and committing to growing your life and our life together in a direction that helps me feel safe. That helps me feel seen, helps me feel validated.

But you can’t give any of that to me because you don’t, you don’t have that for you. And so I’m only going to be convinced that you can see our relationship as enough and me as enough when you see yourself as enough. And so if you do anything, just work on you. Like there are pieces from your past that I can feel in our relationship in our living room. Like through you. I can feel your hurt from your mom, from your dad, and I’m tired of, of not living our life anymore.

So work through your baggage work through your junk and tired of carrying it and the mental load is hurting me, it’s hurting our kids and it’s hurting you. And I don’t want to pass this on. I think that the generational pain just has to stop here. We can’t we’re not living fulfilling lives. We’re not living satisfying lives. And I’m tired of it.

Nanette Dib  34:42

I just want to jump in quickly what Mo was saying because that’s the thing like we also see like exactly what you’re saying, like, you can see that he’s stressed he’s going through stuff. He’s got things that he’s dealing with and all we want to do is take care of him and be there for him. But end of the day no one can save anyone, like as much as you try. If he’s not willing to save himself and do the work for himself, like, it doesn’t matter if you intervene if you call family members, if you surprise him with things, if he’s, if you can feel that he’s not happy and something’s wrong, it doesn’t matter what you try to do, if he’s not going to save himself. That’s it. You can’t save him. And he needs to save himself so that he can also save the marriage.

Tim Matthews  35:35

Final words? No? Guys, as you’ve heard it, the title of this episode, as you know, is ‘Wake Up Before it’s Too Late’. You have been told some of the warning signs from a woman’s perspective. I didn’t know some of us. Definitely news to me, I’m sure they are to you as well. I think what you guys said about the way that you see the guy as well, I think is spot on. I think that’s very much a conversation, a lot of guys heads about how they’re showing up and they will do anything to lay their head on the pillow at night. No, they crushed it at work or in business or whatever it may be.

And for the wife to then not see them making that same effort in a relationship. Yeah, it can be tough. And you know, often as guys, we don’t always consider that necessarily. Honestly, work can be a bit of an escape. It can be the place where we can go and we can get a lot of our needs met. Need for significance, adventure, growth and certainty, contribution, all sorts. You guys make some really compelling points, the need to wake up before it’s too late. What you want to see, or what you might, you might see in the process, the warning signs that go off.

Now often guys think that it’s a good thing when the arguments stopped, but like you guys said, it’s not at that point, it can be too late, right? She can have, she might have checked out. And again, to your point, it can be a lot harder to recover it in that scenario, right? You don’t trust it as much maybe he’s doing it now because I’ve said all these things.

What I really love about what you guys said as well. What just kept coming to me was when you were talking about getting rid of the resentments and taking responsibility and been able to connect and communicate and there was a lot of the pieces would give the tools we give the guys in activation method between levels of King system, hidden motives, clean slept, when Holloway the guys tend to get such fast results in the program because it hits on a lot of what you guys are saying, which is great.

So yeah, guys, if you’re listening to this and you’re resonate with this, and you’re in this position, I would encourage you to please, please, please wake up before it is too late. For it is beyond repair. You don’t want to be in that position where you’re just regretting it. Wishing you could have done something different wishing you would have said something different wishing you had more time. It’s an awful place to be and like Mr. Dougie Fresh likes to say, ‘In moment of insight, take massive action’.