fbpx

A Woman’s Take: How To Handle Rejection From Your Partner

Episode #756

Are you struggling to navigate the complexities of intimacy and connection in your relationship?

Wondering how to break through barriers and create a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner?

Embark on a unique exploration of the intricacies surrounding relationship rejection with Doug Holt and, for the very first time, a truly special guest – none other than his loving wife and fellow coach, Erin Holt. In this podcast episode, the power couple shares unparalleled insights, drawing from their personal experiences to provide a distinctive perspective on reigniting passion and connection.

Join Doug and Erin as they navigate the complexities of rejection, emphasizing the significance of understanding your partner’s world, offering practical steps, and unraveling the secrets to fostering profound intimacy.

In this episode, you’ll learn invaluable strategies for navigating and overcoming rejection in your relationship.

Hungry for more?

Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man. 

Also listen on:

iTunes
Spotify

Doug Holt  00:37

Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of The Powerful Man Show. Today I have the most special guest, my beautiful wife, Erin Holt, who will be joining us. Now Erin is not only my beautiful wife, also the mother of our two amazing children, but she’s also a coach and has been a coach for over a decade. So I brought Erin on today for you guys. So you can get some insights from a woman’s point of view on how to be here and Erin’s company is Sweat, Dirt & Soul. And we’ll give you information if you want to check that out and get other resources available for you and for your partner. So Erin, babe, thanks for being here.

Erin Holt  01:10

Hi. Thanks for having me.

Doug Holt  01:11

Yeah, I am super excited. So this is the, I believe the first episode we’ve done for The Powerful Man Show.

Erin Holt  01:15

It is. 

Doug Holt  01:16

Yeah, I’m excited about this, we’re able to get it together. So as you know, one of the things I did is I asked the men in our private community, so these are alumni, men that are currently going on through a program of ours if they had any questions for you. If you had a woman’s point of view, what questions would you ask? And of course, they’re excited and the messages keep flowing in. But I’m going to read a couple for you, and we’ll just go from there. 

Erin Holt  01:39

Okay.

Doug Holt  01:40

Sounds great. So I’ll pull up my phone and log on to the app, because I am not remembering them all. So this question was a really good one. And I’ll paraphrase it a little bit. And basically, this guy is asking, saying, hey, look, you know, the women in our lives, they want us to pursue them sexually. But oftentimes, then they get rejected. And so he said, hey, look, I know, I spent a lot of time thinking that this was incredulous that both could be true. But I want to know, from a woman’s point of view, what is going on in their head? What is going on in their head?

Erin Holt  02:13

Oh, sex, it’s such a topic, isn’t it? To simplify it, so that there’s always like, needs to get met as well. Let’s just simplify it, men and women. So from the perspective of women want to be pursued, absolutely. We want to feel desired. We want our man’s undivided attention. We want to feel like we are the most important woman in his life, in his eyes and desire world. Absolutely. 

And with that said, for women, I think you’ve all heard this, like sex starts outside of the bedroom, it does for men as well. Also, things that really can set up for success for having sexy time with your wife, intimate time with your wife or partner, is simple things like if you spend the time throughout the week and I believe you teach your men this, of like emptying the berries, or whatever. 

It’s kind of like non-sexy stuff will clear the slate, where it’s like you’re letting your wife talk to you about what’s going on in her world, validating her, feeling seen, like really, like honestly being interested in her so she can clear that energy out of her. So that opens up the space for playfulness, sexiness, femininity, like she can have the — that removed out of her aura, out of her energy, so she’s more available for that and is able to access her desire. 

Also, things like the anticipation is really sexy for a woman. I know it mostly is for men as well, but from a woman’s perspective, like when I know we’re going to have date nights, it’s fun for me to think about like, oh, what do I get to wear tonight? What does Doug feel like I like? He likes this shirt. Like I feel sexy with my hair like this. I get to wear these earrings. It’s very feminine energy to like prep to be on a date with you, which will lead to intimacy. Like that’s fun. 

And like getting a sexy text throughout the day. Like building the energy outside of the bedroom is really sexy for women. Like if I know that’s happening, like that allows me to get in the feminine energy, which also is really attractive for you when I’m in that versus like, oh my gosh, I’m doing 10,000 things I’m handling everything. It’s amazing. It’s great that it’s all getting handled but that is not feminine energy. It just can’t exist at the same time. So yes, really listening to her, getting in her world on a regular basis, planning, setting up the anticipation, super sexy. 

And like a third main thing that pops in my head is consistently like touching her in a way, I say this to you a lot, that nobody else touches her. Like, walk by her and grab her ass. Whisper in her ears. Women love that. Like, something sexy that you love about her or just that you love her. Like, touch her in a way that’s sexual knowing that we’re in the kitchen, it’s not going anywhere. 

But like, I’m your man and she can receive your touch like that. And it’s just a really sexy feeling to have your man be there for you that way and like nobody else can touch you like that. So it’s just this low brew of like constant sexuality going on. Even when we have jobs and kids and careers, we’re all busy, right? It’s like, this gets to get attention as well. And those are like the top three things I can think of off the top of my head. So I hope that helps.

Doug Holt  05:35

It does, I love it. Let’s expand on them, because you and I’ve had so many conversations over the years about all of these. And one of the things that you and I have talked about is the idea, especially for moms, right, timing, right? So sometimes, you know, I might be horny or what have you and go, “Hey, like we have a little time away from the kids, you know, let’s go.” We put on a show for 20 minutes, 30 minutes and maybe we can have some uninterrupted time. 

But you’ve also talked to me about other, yourself and also other women you’ve coached. They’re like, “Hey, I need transition time. I’ve just had a kid hanging off me for eight hours.” I remember when our kids were still nursing, right, that was a big issue. Like I’ve had a kid hanging off my boob all day, I need a little time to dip back into my femininity, so I could be there for you, right, so it’s not just masturbatory sex, it’s actually passion filled sex. 

And then this concept of… I’ll come back to that. We’ll start there with this concept of timing, because I think a lot of guys don’t get the concept of timing, and they don’t realize what it is for their wives, especially women who are stay at home mothers, that they’ve been with these kids all day. And so the guy gets off work, maybe they’ve been texting back and forth. And he’s like, all right, I’m ready to go. And she needs this transition time. Talk to us a little bit about that. Sure.

Erin Holt  06:56

Sure. So as a mother, it’s a very nurturing thing to do, but also, in a strange kind of way, it puts us in our masculine, because we’re constantly holding the boundaries, the rules, the containers, keep everyone safe, where we’re going, what we need, who needs what, like nap time schedule, super masculine energy, which I was actually naively surprised about when I went into motherhood. Because we’re like, “Oh, we’re mothers, it’s going to be feminine.” The day to day, daily, daily, very masculine energy. 

For me personally, that can get really tiring. And also breastfeeding increases oxytocin. It’s amazing. It’s wonderful. But the day to day tasks sometimes can reduce oxytocin in women. So I know for me and every single women of my coach, though I think just kind of blanket statement is, we do need that time where it’s like, we need to build our feminine energy backup, by having alone time, whether it’s a bath, a shower, prepping, again, it’s like the anticipation. 

I don’t know, shaving your legs, having time to take care of ourselves, our being as a whole person. Instead of like showering while kids are screaming and somebody’s like punching the other one in the face and you know. We’re not going to be able to get to that level of like, come back to self, come back to my womanhood. Oh, yes, I have sexuality inside of me and just even to be able to find our desire. 

So like prepping, if you come in and you’re like, I got the kids for the next hour, you and I have a date in the bedroom at 06:00 PM. Like, hot, I can transition, I’m anticipating it. I know I can turn off my mom-brain for a minute. That’s really hard to go from having kids needing you all day long to then just go right into the bedroom. It’s very, very hard to do that.

Doug Holt  08:43

It’s a tough transition and it makes sense, right? And I think a lot of guys just don’t get that. And we can talk about the motherhood thing later. So, true or false, based on the women, your girlfriends, women you’ve worked with for the last decade, do you think most wives want to be intimate with their husbands? 

Erin Holt  09:05

Yes, very much so. 

Doug Holt  09:06

Okay. That’s a quick answer. Okay. Here’s another question. This is going to be a little off topic, but I know the guys will appreciate this because I think they’re stunned when I talk to them based on my experience talking to some, and overhearing some of the conversations, not for your coaching clients, but from other women. True or false, most women want to be taken by their man? 

Erin Holt  09:27

100%. 

Doug Holt  09:28

Not 99%, 100%. And see, I think guys miss that a lot. So let’s clear that up a little bit. Well, first of all, tell me what that means to you or to women in general. You are now the representative of all womankind. What does that mean to you to be taken? And the secondary question is, what would be going on within the marriage for the woman to resist?

Erin Holt  09:52

Oh, gosh, that’s a huge question.

Doug Holt  09:54

Well, I’ll narrow that one down a little bit. But let’s start with the first question, then I’ll narrow it down because I have some ideas. 

Erin Holt  10:00

What does it mean to be taken? Okay. There’s a lot of… [crosstalk]

Doug Holt  10:04

Keep it PG.

Erin Holt  10:06

Yeah. There’s a lot of ways this can happen. But… 

Doug Holt  10:08

Energetically. 

Erin Holt  10:09

I was going to say first and foremost, it’s energetic. Like, as women, we are always attuned to our man, our provider, our protector, like always. So we can feel when your energy, when you’re showing up in the room, like, you’re confident, you want her, not just you want to get laid. Such a different energy. So if you’re like, she can feel like you want her, you want to be with her, you want to have sex with her, you want to do all the things with her, she can like, relax, go into her feminine energy and like receive that, but also, like, show up for you with that energy. 

And that’s just like a hot, passionate, connected, like, we are both saying this in a clean way where our feet are, we’re not thinking about the business meeting or the kids or whatever. And the man like know how to please her, but also like, take charge and lead. That’s just very, very sexy. And we can turn off the doing part of us and kind of turn into like the being, like feminine and receiving and receive more pleasure that way, just better for everybody.

Doug Holt  11:15

So this is perfect, because I know early on in our marriage, you know, this is what this person is asking in the question is that a man, or I would pursue and then when you get rejected, or you’re feeling rejected, it could be a myriad of things, right? You could have had a bad day, you could just be emotionally drained. We could have been fighting and you’re still not over that fight or that argument. Something in your personal life, it could be a hygiene issue that you’re embarrassed about, or whatever else could be coming in. 

Then a lot of times the men will internalize that rejection, which will make them less confident in maybe the next approach or in the bedroom. And you as a woman, you can pick up on that, right?

Erin Holt  11:56

Yes, for sure. Is that a question?

Doug Holt  11:58

I’m getting you to expand upon it, I guess because I know it to be true. Because we’ve had so many conversations. And when I talk to the guys about this, they hear my perspective on it. Which is basically me talking through what you’ve shared with me and telling them and what’s worked for us and other couples. But I’d love to hear it from a woman’s perspective. What is it like when I used to come into the bedroom and you could tell I was timid because I was like, “Why even try?” You know, it’s just going… 

Erin Holt  12:27

Defeated? 

Doug Holt  12:27

Yeah, defeated attitude, not as confident.

Erin Holt  12:32

And it’s like, look, women go through this too. It’s like we [crosstalk] have body issues and all the things that come in our head. So it’s like, I’m not expecting you men to just walk in the bedroom 100% like, dud every time, right? It was really challenging. It was a challenging time in our relationship. And it was really just not that attractive. It wasn’t that I didn’t find you attractive, it was the energy or showing up wasn’t attractive. So it just made me feel kind of like, okay, we’re both kind of half-ass here. Like, we should be doing this, we’re married, let’s do it. And that was kind of how it was, this level of excitement in my voice, right? It’s like…

Doug Holt  13:11

Exactly. Which then, right, it perpetuates this cycle, right. Because the man — I could pick up on that, you weren’t as into it as you used to be. Then I would be even less confident and be like, crap, I’m crushing it in business, I’m crushing it everywhere else, you know, at the time I was playing sports, I’m doing well in all of these areas, seemingly. And here in this area, it’s just not working for some reason. And so what tends to happen for couples is withdraw, right? It creates more of a barrier between them unless they can resolve that, which we were able to do.  

Erin Holt  13:43

We were. Yeah. And I mean, if we want to go a layer deeper, which I know feel like men who listen to this really want to grow. They want to grow. Their capacities are really big for a lot of areas of life. So it’s like when a marriage is really struggling, like most of the time, not all the time, the sex life is really indicative of that. So it’s just like for a man and a woman, anytime you can remember, like, the more whole and happy and the more you love yourself, like the more you’re able to bring the best version of you into your relationship, but also the best version of yourself into the bedroom. Like, we all have been through different phases of our life. Like, really clear example for me, postpartum, not feeling my most sexy, super proud of my body, super amazed, so glad we did it for sure, not feeling my most sexy, super challenging time for most women. 

Men, you guys obviously go through challenges too, where you’re just not feeling the best by yourself. Like you’re not going to show up your best version yourself in bed, like just keeping it really simple. But yeah, as always, the more we take care of ourselves emotionally, physically, spiritually, and are responsible for our own happiness, and responsible for how we show up in our relationship and really realize how important that is. Like, if you’re doing amazing, I’m just going to use business, but then you walk in your house and you’re kind of a jerk, like that’s not going to get you the results that you want. As we know that if you walk into a meeting, and were a jerk in business, you won’t get the results you want, right? So it’s just remembering to bring the best parts of yourself into all areas of your life.

Doug Holt  15:20

Okay, I like that. And now I’m going to expand because I’m going to expand because I know what some of these guys are thinking right now because I have these conversations every day. 

Erin Holt  15:25

Sure, sure. Yeah.

Doug Holt  15:28

It’s almost funny talking to you about these because I know you know the answer, you know I know the answer, but we have to act like we don’t to get the conversation going for the men. So for a guy, true or false, do some women, you think, have the classic whore Madonna complex, where sometimes they feel they have to reject their man because they don’t want to seem overly available to them? And on top of that, do you think some women reject their man in a sense of almost punishment or control?

Erin Holt  16:03

Wait for the first one, I actually have never heard that, so I don’t even know what you mean.

Doug Holt  16:08

Okay. So, this is — I’ll explain it to you because I’ll explain it for the guys. This is usually for men. So a lot of times what happens for men is when they get married, and/or work, even more so when their wife has kids, they’ll treat their wife like the whore in the bedroom, so to speak. Like that’s, you have sex, they’ll take the lead. And then afterwards, they get married and/or the kids will come. They treat her like Madonna, the saintly, right. 

And so then the man stops wanting to do — has less of fantasies about his wife in like kinky sex or things that are, quote, “taboo” in a puritanical type society. And so he takes those elsewhere and is too scared, right? I’ll use a drastic version, a guy might, what we would call vanilla sex, right, might be doing that just with his wife. And he’s too scared to suggest to her that they do something a little bit more provocative because he has this idea that she’s not going to accept it. Here’s the mother of my children, yada, yada, yada.

Erin Holt  17:11

So, another, like most people on here in some sort of long-term partnership, like, life’s going to change. We’re going to go through evolutions, we’re not going to be the same people we were when we first started dating. And it’s like, I think it’s one of the biggest gifts, hardest, but biggest gifts we can do for our partners, like, if you’re in a monogamous relationship, or even if you’re not, but if whoever you’re having sex with, it’s like, really just the really sexy thing to do is to be able to talk about it with your partner and be like, “Hey, I’m really want — would love to do this with you” and like, share your desires, your wants. Like, how can we make this work where it feels good for both of us? Like, how can we set this up for success, for win-win-win for everybody? 

Like, I think where really dangerous territory can happen is withdrawing and not sharing what you actually want, but then holding like secret resentments. Because if you don’t share what you want, how does she or he know? And then a lot of stuff gets made up, because there’s no communication, and then distance and withdrawing and resentments, and nobody’s needs are getting met. So I think it’s actually a really big skill to be able to communicate your needs and wants and desires in the bedroom, for sure because it’s intimate. It can bring you a lot closer, and also bring you a lot more pleasure and satisfaction as a couple.

Doug Holt  18:25

I love it. And what advice would you — So what advice would you give to a guy who, look, he’s pursued his wife, keeps trying to pursue her, but I’m going to make up the number, 70% of the time she rejects him. What advice would you give him from a woman’s perspective?

Erin Holt  18:40

Whew. Without any background or context. I’m going to assume, for whatever reason, she’s not feeling emotionally safe with him. Not that it’s all his fault, but just the dynamics that’s created. With that, it’s like what does she need to feel safe so that she can let go and lean into him? It seems like simple things where it’s like, really listening to her, really getting in her world, as I mentioned before. Like, you know how it feels when you’re talking and having a conversation with somebody and you’re like, “I feel like I’m like the only person in the room right now. This feels so good. Like, I feel so lit up and energized by this conversation.” 

Because when you actually get in somebody’s world and genuinely care what happens is your two right brain, their hemispheres, like they light up and you get energized because you’re sharing an experience. And it feels good for everybody involved and it really lets a woman feel emotionally safe. And whenever a woman feels mostly safe with her man, more than other people, but with her man, it just brings out a side of her where she just wants to have sex with him. Like, you’re like wow, like I feel really attracted to you. I feel really seen, I feel sexy in your eyes again. Like, it’s really, really important.

Doug Holt  20:01

Do you think a lot of guys screw up, I know I did, by kind of sarcastic banter, or you know, you and I talked a lot about early on in our marriage of like, hey, you know, I’m not your brother, you’re not my sister, let’s stop treating ourselves that way. And little comments here, and there or negative things. Because what happens for a lot of guys is once they feel the rejection, they internalize it and eventually that turns into resentment a little bit. And it comes out sideways in these small little micro-aggressions that add up over time.

Erin Holt  20:34

Yeah, that’s damaging from both sides, right? It’s just like, oh, let’s just laugh and joke it off. But like, you know, whatever the thing is, a hundred little cuts and you’re bleeding a ton or whatever it is, I say wrong. But like…

Doug Holt  20:45

Death by a thousand cuts.

Erin Holt  20:46

There we go. It’s like it just… Like, you’re doing the opposite behavior of what you want. Like I get it happens, I do it, you do it. And then whenever I do, it’s kind of like cringy, we can — we’re really good at catching it and now we’re like, okay, let’s stop this before it goes too far because we know the result it produces is the opposite of what we want. When stuff starts coming out, sideways, it’s like really good time, maybe it’s like, hey, let’s just take a pause, go do something positive, workout, get outside, listen to something positive, I don’t know, just like do something to get you in a better mindset, a better mood, so you’re not taking out an acting out towards your partner.

Doug Holt  21:24

I like it, and it’s definitely true. What do you think about a guy going, hey, look, things haven’t been good for years? He’s going through the program, so things are back on track, usually about week two for most guys, some guys, it’s week six in the program, things have flipped around in the marriage. She sees things differently. Would you advise, would you say from a woman’s perspective… So, I’ll set the scene to give it even more context. Things haven’t been good for a while. Maybe not horrible, they haven’t been good. Now, they’re on the right track. So he is now showing up as the man that she’s probably already always seen with inside of him, but he’s still getting rejected. Do you think it would be good for him to get the babysitter, get her in her femininity, whichever way we want to do that, draw the bubble bath, take her out on a date, and then have an honest, open conversation with her, saying hey, I want to make sure we have… I’ll tell you what I would do. But let me ask you first, is that a good idea for a guy at that stage to bring that up? Or is that still too triggering?

Erin Holt  22:24

Well, general blanket statement, yes. It’s like you get to start creating the marriage you want. I would say yes. I can expand on it, but…

Doug Holt  22:32

Yeah. Well, if you want to, please.

Erin Holt  22:36

If you’re going to be in a long-term partnership, which I feel like a lot of the listeners on here are, you’re going to have ups and downs, you’re going to hurt each other. So just like, I think a lot of times, like I know I went in naively thinking like, now that we’re married it’s going to be great, this will be easier. Opposite is true, right? It takes an intentional effort to maintain a type of marriage that you actually want to be in that’s fun and that feels good. 

So like, I think a lot of times I talk to my clients, I mean, just knowing that you’re going to hurt each other, it’s just you get to also repair. And then you can also have seasons that are really hard. It won’t last forever. You also get to be intentional about creating the marriage you want. So it’s like you can’t just be on cruise control and expect something different to happen. So yes, make the effort, be the best version of you, be kind to yourself so you can be kind to her. Love yourself so you can love her more, receive her love more. 

And think about, write about, journal about, speak about all the things about the type of marriage and relationship you really want and desire and share it with her and create the date nights, or whatever life is… Like, I don’t know what season of life these people are in, but create experiences. And shared experiences together are really, really special because we get busy. We have kids, we have jobs, we have businesses, we have all the things. So it’s like you know, trip to Switzerland would be amazing, but can’t do that every week. So it’s like yeah, a date night. Hey, I know you really like to go see the Nutcracker on Christmas time. Probably not most guys’ favorite thing, I’m aware of that. I’m just using it as an example.

Doug Holt  24:06

I’m laughing because we had a client fly into The Ranch as you know, he made a funny joke about Nutcrackers.

Erin Holt  24:12

Okay. I’m just thinking of this time of year like I bought tickets for us for this weekend and the babysitter’s handled. Like that, you don’t think about anything besides just put on a nice dress and blah, blah. Or I know you love skiing. I booked a weekend away for just you and I. I handled, you know, just whatever. Like, you know your partner and it’s also, yes, it’s really important to do things for a shared experience together.

Doug Holt  24:37

I love it. Can I give you an example conversation of how it could work and you can tell me if I do it okay? 

Erin Holt  24:43

Yes.

Doug Holt  24:44

Again, blanket statement. So something that you could do guys would look something like this, I’m going to do it off the cuff. I could say if you and I are in this situation, take you aside, go get a glass of wine, something you and I have enjoyed doing in the past and say babe, first and foremost, I want you to know I love you and I want to be with you and you only. And I’m guessing you, like me, want to create some more intimacy in our marriage. What are some things that I can do to help support that so that we have an environment where we can be close together where you feel safe to be intimate, and we can actually get that spark alive a little bit more? Is that a good…?

Erin Holt  25:20

It’s pretty good, it’s pretty good. No, it’s pretty awesome.

Doug Holt  25:25

So that’s, guys, what you could do is something, obviously, use your verbiage, but something along those lines to initiate the conversation. And you correct me if I’m wrong, Erin, but you want to make your woman feel safe, you want to make her know right away that you want to be with her and only her. So she’s not going, “Wait a minute, we haven’t been having sex. We’ve been in a sexless marriage. If he’s been having all these thoughts, is he out somewhere else getting his needs met?” 

And that’s probably a concern she already has, right, and he has as well. So just alleviating that concern to create that safe space, first and foremost, would be a good idea to set her nerves at ease, and then jumping into the dialogue. Because a lot of couples, you know, you and I have these conversations all the time, not all the time, but often, and we’re very comfortable with it, but a lot of couples aren’t. They probably have never had this conversation in their marriage.

Erin Holt  26:20

Yeah. One thing that just keeps coming up, and you think about it is also, I’m sure, in that conversation somewhere of like an apology. Just like, I know I’ve made mistakes and I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. Like, not taking all the blame, she plays a role. But the power of a true apology can just, speaking of nervous system, can really relax everyone’s nervous system. Like, you know how it feels, if I apologize. And I’m like, “Whoa, I’m truly sorry, that I did that.” And let go without being like, but you’re being mean so, you know, it’s like…

Doug Holt  26:57

We call it the hidden motives tech… Guys in the program, we teach them an advanced version of this, so they know it well, if they’re applying it, called Hidden Motives Technique, it’s really

Erin Holt  27:05

It’s really a life skill. And it has a lot of positive impact on your wife, and on you honestly, like, you get the benefit back.

Doug Holt  27:15

Yeah. And it’s probably one of the best skills I think you can ever learn. And guys, if you’ve been through the program, you know, go back, review the material that we teach you in the Hidden Motives Technique, and talk to your coaches, and practice this. And if you guys haven’t, I talk a lot about the Hidden Motives Technique in the book, “A Man’s Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Having to Talking About It, that’s on Amazon. The book’s as cheap as you can possibly give it on Amazon, because we want more men to have access to these tools that are out there. 

But it’s exactly what it is. And it doesn’t even have to be an apology for something you did, but it could be an apology of the way it impacted on somebody. Because even if I’m not sorry for my action, I can be sorry for how it was received, you know. And I can apologize even for that, like, “Hey, I never meant to hurt you. What I want is always for us to be connected and loving and have great conversations.” I don’t have to apologize for the action that resulted in you feeling that way, if I don’t agree with that. Because that would be disingenuous and I would, we always want to be in integrity as a couple. 

Erin Holt  28:17

Yeah.

Doug Holt  28:19

That’s awesome. So to sum this up, let’s give this gentleman and the 100,000 other men that are going to listen to this. And we have a lot of women actually, looking at the stats, that listen to this podcast coming through, so shout out to the ladies. Let’s give them a couple steps real quick that they could do if they’re in the situation where they’re gone, “Man, I keep pursuing my wife. I know my wife needs to be seen, heard and desired and I’m pursuing her but she’s rejecting me.” What are a couple of things that they could do today in the moment of insight? Give me one or two and I’ll throw out one or two before we close this off.

Erin Holt  28:52

Okay, things that happened before the bedroom like what we talked about before, like letting her — get in her world. Like whatever it is, even if you think you know her, ask her constantly about her day, how she is, how’d the meeting go, and get the details. Let her share her world with you so that she feels safe with you. 

Doug Holt  29:10

Collect the berries. 

Erin Holt  29:11

Yeah, so that she has room, that’s out of her, so she has room to access other parts of her sexuality, sensuality, femininity. Yeah.

Doug Holt  29:20

Anything else you want to leave them with or do you want to start there?

Erin Holt  29:22

I thought we were going to go back and forth.

Doug Holt  29:24

Ah, no. I’ll let you have a couple and I’ll just…

Erin Holt  29:27

Yeah. And the other thing is, remember, like you being the best version of you, is really sexy, and she can feel that. So when you are really attuned to yourself, taking care of your health, taking care of your emotional world, your mental world, and being responsible for that, your own happiness and bringing that part of you, like the best part of you to her, she’s not getting the leftovers of you after work. Granted, some days you’re going to be tired, we get that, we all are. But if you just break that pattern and bring home the best part of yourself to her, give her your energy, your sexual energy, your desire towards her, like the compound impact will be amazing. 

Doug Holt  30:07

Based on all the women that you’ve worked with over these last 10 plus years, how many of these women do you think would find it sexy that their man was working on themselves?

Erin Holt  30:15

Like a hundred million percent.

Doug Holt  30:20

A hundred percent. So guys, you’re doing that now by just listening to this conversation that Erin and I are having and guys that are going through The Powerful Man program. This is what’s happened. This is one of the reasons some guys, as soon as they sign up and start doing the steps, their relationship changes, it’s because the wife has seen you take action. It’s attractive, it’s sexy. I always use this analogy, babe, that the woman seeing the man’s stock go up. Like, you don’t want to buy a stock that’s going down, you want to buy one that’s on the rise. And when she sees the stock rising, she takes interest. She’s like, “Okay, this is sexy, I’m going to get a better version of the man that I’m with.” 

And on that note, I’m going to close this out with, guys, taking massive action is always talked about, but also lead, right, you talked about it earlier how sexy it is for the man to lead in the bedroom. And leading, not as a jerk, give the guys and this is, you know, some guys swing the pendulum too far. But lead with love, lead with love, confidence and passion, and it starts with also being decisive, right. 

So guys, if you’re sitting on the fence about The Activation Method, or anything else, I’m going to call you out now. And you’re hearing it, we didn’t plan this at all, but this is time for you to take action. If you’re already in the program, go back and review. Like, these are the things that you get to do. And for the gentleman that actually posted this question, sir, don’t give up. Just keep, keep pursuing, figure out what’s going on, and you’ll get the best.

Erin Holt  31:39

Yeah. It’s just like, thank you. Thank you for writing questions. Thanks for having me on. It’s like a really big honor to come into the world. Like, I know this world through being married to you, honest — and being able to come to some of the retreats that you have. But thank you, I really appreciate this. 

Doug Holt  31:54

You’re welcome. I love having you here. 

Erin Holt  31:56

Yeah, and thanks for asking the question… 

Doug Holt  31:58

Yeah. Well, we got a bunch… [crosstalk] 

Erin Holt  32:00

It’s really an honor. 

Doug Holt  32:00

We got a bunch more, so we’ll have to do part 2, 3, 4, and I have a feeling there’ll be plenty more. You’re awesome as always. I love you. Gentlemen, as we always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action, and we’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.