Episode #964
When was the last time you actually had fun with your wife?
Not a “get dinner and talk about the kids” kind of night.
Not a “watch TV and pass out on the couch” evening.
Actual, flirtatious, playful, can’t-wait-to-get-you-alone kind of fun.
In this episode, Chris and I talk about something we don’t hear enough—fun. Specifically, how a lot of men have traded playfulness for predictability… and how it’s killing the spark in their marriage.
We unpack what it really means to become the Chief Fun Officer (CFO) in your relationship—not just with your kids, but with your wife and especially in the bedroom.
You’ll will get some creative (and hilarious) ideas for dates, flirting, and reigniting bedroom passion that feels more like play than performance.
This isn’t about being silly. It’s about being present and playful—the way you were when your relationship first started. Because when you’re having fun, she gets to feel desired, seen, and safe… and everything changes.
It’s not about working harder—it’s about knowing what to work on.
Check out the free video that breaks it all down: thepowerfulman.com/scales
Clarity changes everything—and it starts with this.
Ready to stop guessing and start fixing your relationship?
Hit play on the free training here: thepowerfulman.com/scales
You’ll walk away knowing exactly where things went off track—and how to bring it all back.
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Head over to our BONUS page for special access to some of the deeper tactics and techniques we’ve developed at The Powerful Man.
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Transcription
Doug Holt 0:00
But also, I’ll talk to guys, and they’ll be like, “Yeah, you know, we’re having sex every once in a while… you know, just… yeah, just doesn’t seem interested.” And the truth of it—and I don’t always tell all the guys right away, not because I’m hiding anything, but they’re not ready to hear it; there are steps to the process—but the bedroom is not fun. If you’re not making the bedroom fun, why would she want to go back in there, right?
If you’re a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” type of guy, and you’re not taking care of her pleasure, she’s not going to go back in there. She’s not going to look forward to it anyway. She’s going to put sex with you in the same category as doing the dishes. Yeah, and doing the dishes might actually be more fun for her.
Are you the CFO in your house? Well, on today’s episode of the TPM Show, we’re going to talk about what it means to be a CFO today. And no, I’m not talking about a Chief Financial Officer, but really the Chief Fun Officer in your home.
Chris, thanks for being here again, man.
Christopher Hansen 1:08
Yeah, thanks, Doug. I feel like we’ve smuggled you in or kidnapped you—going back to back with these shows. Conversations are awesome.
Doug Holt 1:10
So we’re talking about this idea—which I really like—and I talked to a guy, actually in Breckenridge, about this: being the CFO of your household and your relationship. Are you being the Chief Fun Officer, or are you just being the boring guy?
So what’s your experience with this as it comes in? Because being the CFO can always be with your kids, right? That’s a place that gets to play. But are you being the CFO with your partner, with your wife? And are you being the CFO in the bedroom?
Christopher Hansen 1:41
Yeah. I mean, there’s so much to this, right? And it’s so important that we get to that place of play and fun and laughter. And the reason being is, you know, when we’re showing up to the house after a long day of work, and you’re stressed out and you haven’t really unwound, you’re not present, your energy is low—it’s not really doing that. But when you come in with this play mentality, if it’s with your kids or you’re kind of bantering and teasing your wife, it lightens it up. There’s this energy and this flow and this fun that happens, and the power of that laughter that can happen—and the connection that goes there.
And we do it with our kids really well. Like, a lot of times, we can get into that space with them because that’s who they are. They learn by play, right? But we lose that in our relationships. And if we think about it, when we were younger and we were dating, it was about the fun—it was about the play, right?
And that’s—we just need to remember that life can be serious and it can be hard, but we can bring that fun and that playfulness into our lives every single day.
Doug Holt 2:42
100%, man. We talk a lot about CFOs, and it was a means for the kids. And some guys, transparently, can’t do it with their kids. But let’s, in this episode, just talk about what it means to be the CFO with your partner—with your wife.
And one thing I’ll talk to the guys about, you know, I think happens a lot too: as we get older and more mature, we do get tired at the end of the day, but we bring our work life into our home life with our partner. And I see a lot of guys—and I was guilty of this as well in the past—especially guys that are managing a lot of people, they come home and they start managing their wife or treating her like an employee or a staff member, and start delegating tasks out, delegating chores. And then their house becomes run like a business and run like an office. And that’s not sexy for anybody, right? It’s not even fun.
Christopher Hansen 3:32
I was notorious for that. I’d come home and she’d be like, “You’re always telling me what to do,” and this and that. And I was like, “That’s what I’m doing all day—sorry about that.”
Doug Holt 3:43
Are you seeing these things? And you done? But also, I’ll talk to guys and they’ll be like, “Yeah, you know, we’re having sex every once in a while… you know, just… yeah, just doesn’t seem interested.” And the truth of it—and I don’t always tell all the guys right away, not because I’m hiding anything, but they’re not ready to hear it; there are steps to the process—but the bedroom is not fun. If you’re not making the bedroom fun, why would she want to go back in there, right?
If you’re a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” type of guy and you’re not taking care of her pleasure, she’s not going to go back in there. She’s not going to look forward to it anyway. She’s going to put sex with you in the same category as doing the dishes. Yeah—and doing the dishes might actually be more fun for her.
Christopher Hansen 4:23
I know—I’m sure it’s the same for you—but the more playful I am with her through the day, it ends up building. And so when you get to the bedroom, it just continues in there. And that desire… adding some fuel to that fire, right?
Doug Holt 4:37
Yeah. I mean, I just got—told you—I got a sexy text from my wife. And those are always fun to get, right? And it’s because, you know, early this morning—my wife and I both got up at 4:30 this morning, we typically do somewhere in that ballpark—and I’m flirting with her, I’m joking with her a little bit. She has a group of girlfriends that come over to our house to work out. We converted the garage to a gym for them specifically, so they could come work out there. And I’m joking with them too, and we’re having fun. So it builds this energy coming up. You know, where—I mean, you’re looking at me now—but luckily for me, my wife goes, “That’s my hot husband.” And it’s not because of my aesthetics, I understand this, but it’s because of the cultivated energy that I bring—of having fun or turning on, you know, funny music or fun music and dancing. I do that every morning.
Christopher Hansen 5:28
Yeah, I think a lot of times with guys, there’s always so much going on in our heads and stuff, and a lot of times we think about some playfulness, even a compliment, and we don’t say it—we don’t let it out. And we hold it in. And they need that. They want that so bad. And so if it comes to your mind and it brings you joy, you know it’s going to bring them joy. Don’t hold that back. Let them have that. That’s a treat for them—and yourself, you know?
Doug Holt 5:52
It is. And so the reason guys don’t do that is because they’re scared. They’re scared of the pushback. And they’ll get safety tested. We used to call it “shit tests,” but it’s really a test for safety—like, “Is this safe?” And if their marriage hasn’t been good for a long time, and they’ve been an asshole or what have you, their wife has got every right to test them. Like, she doesn’t know if you’re coming to this with sarcasm or sincerity when you’re saying something. But when you do it—to your point—when you do it because you want to do it, and it’s innate in you, she can feel that. One, two, is when she tests you, if you’ve learned how to master safety tests, then it just bounces off. And now it can become a fun environment.
Christopher Hansen 6:32
Yeah, and that’s the key—because there’s going to be a little bit of pushback. They’re going to test us in these flirting situations, because that’s fun for them. They want to make sure. And that’s actually part of the banter, right? Like, you say something and she fires back, and you just laugh it off and say, “Whatever, hot pants, I’m outta here.”
Doug Holt 6:50
That’s exactly it, right? So I did a masterclass on it—it’s called How to Handle Shit Tests Like an Aikido Master, and it’s four weeks for the guys that don’t know what our masterclasses are about. But the way I try to describe that—the analogy I use, Chris—is… you’ve seen Meet the Fockers?
Christopher Hansen 6:58
Yep.
Doug Holt 6:59
Okay, great. So one of the famous scenes in that movie is where they’re playing volleyball, right? They hit it back and forth, and then they push him, and he jumps up and just slams the ball—hits his fiancée or girlfriend in the nose—I can’t remember what she is—and breaks her nose or something like that, right? But that’s the way guys do it with safety tests or shit tests. And it really should be banter. It should be like playing tennis.
So what most men do is they volley it over, their wife hits it back a little harder, and they just slam the ball or throw the racket and walk off the court, right? Whereas you could just banter back—volley, volley, volley, volley. Then it becomes a fun game of tennis, a fun game of banter, a fun game of flirting. But adding it in there—and compliment your wife. Right? So most of the men that listen to this show are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s—that’s the majority. We have outliers, of course.
But when your wife is getting into her upper 30s, 40s, and 50s, society is telling her that she’s old, she’s over the hill, she’s no longer attractive. You know, who are the attractive characters typically in the movies? They’re women in their 20s, right? Late 20s, early 30s. So compliment your wife. Reassure her. Like—damn.
So I’ll say something like this—and my marriage is in a great place, so I get it—results may vary for most people—but I’ll tell my wife like… you know, she’ll go work out and come out of there, I’ll be like, “Go, babe. I love that you take care of my ass,” you know—slap her on the butt. And she’ll go like, “Damn right.”
And it becomes that flirty banter as she’s walking by versus something else. If I’m just being dry or worried about making a comment, then there’s nothing. Then we’re just managing our kids—I’ve got two young kids—business… then we’re just managing life.
Christopher Hansen 8:54
You definitely have to deliver it with some confidence, because if you don’t, it doesn’t come across right. And so if you don’t have that confidence to deliver it… and sometimes I like to be the over-exaggerator. So, you know, if you’re gonna kiss, I just go way overboard. If she pushes me away, I’m like, “Yeah, it’s too much,” right? Or whatever the case is—it’s just part of that fun and play, you know?
Doug Holt 9:16
Yeah. Well, you gotta enjoy yourself. And I think a lot of times, men—and I’ve been guilty of this, Chris—or at least for me, I’ve been so overly concerned with the other person having fun that I neglect myself having fun. Whereas if I’m just having a good time—and this has happened many times—I can think of dancing in the kitchen as the one I always come back to.
If I’m worried about me and not her, then we’re having a great time. So if I’m dancing, and she’s like, “Get off me,” because she’s mad at me—which I know is hard to believe that she could be—but she’s mad at me… and I just keep dancing anyway and just get goofier and goofier. What happens? My wife starts dancing with me. And now that tension’s broken, and now we’re having a good time. Now we’re laughing, and she’ll even laugh and go, “I’m still mad at you.” “I know you are, baby.”
Christopher Hansen 10:05
It’s almost a test of your confidence in that. And then she can’t break it. What does she do? She’s gotta join it. She’s gotta join it.
Doug Holt 10:12
Get on the fun train.
Christopher Hansen 10:13
I always say that when we’re talking about dates too—always plan a date that makes sense, but also make sure the date is fun for you. Because you want to have that energy, to be enjoying it. If you’re going to sign up for something like… you hate dancing, but you know she loves dancing, well, you’re not going to be able to show up the way you want to show up. So find something—compromise—that you can get into. Edible spaces. Maybe it’s a different kind of dance than you’d like to do.
Doug Holt 10:38
That’s exactly right. Like, when you’re planning something, you want to have a good time. And the analogy I always use is—we’ve all been to high-class parties where the person’s put a ton of time and effort into setting everything up, you know, days and days—and they’re stressed to the nines, right? They’re stressed out: “Are the plates ready? Is the food ready?” And you’re just like… this isn’t enjoyable.
Conversely, we’ve all been to parties—especially friends’—where you show up and they’ve got like five pizzas sitting on the table, you know, and some Solo cups out, and everybody—the host just doesn’t give a crap. They’re just having fun. They’re like, “Welcome to my party.” Or, “Your party? I don’t know. We’re at a party.” And everybody’s having fun. Same people, different scenario. It’s what the host’s energy is like that dictates it. And it’s the same thing for the date—your energy is going to dictate how that date goes.
Christopher Hansen 11:40
Yeah, a picnic and some fun questions.
Doug Holt 11:42
Fun questions, fun foreplay. All kinds of good stuff. There’s a lot of things you can do. But again, it’s keeping that spark alive. And you said something before the cameras rolled about the importance of flirting, right? You get to flirt with your wife. Flirt with her. Act as if you don’t know her. Role play a little bit if you need to. But flirt with her and make her feel special.
Christopher Hansen 12:05
Yeah. And if you don’t feel confident in flirting, there are so many great books out there that can teach you how to flirt. And it is fun. Once you get that down and you get the mastery of that, it’s such a great play.
Doug Holt 12:17
It is, yeah. And I’ll tell you what—if you’re not flirting with your wife, somebody else is. Right? Well, somebody is, even if you are—probably—yeah, just how she… if she’s needing it because you’re not giving it to her. And that scares a lot of guys, but that’s reality. I worked at a gym for a long time and been in gyms for most of my entire adult life. And even more obvious to me now, as someone who just goes to a gym regularly—there are guys at the gym, there always are, who are flirting with every woman that’s in the gym. And you’ll see these housewives, these married housewives, just eat it up. And look, man, not all guys have the same scruples and morals that we have, right? And so you might find yourself on the wrong end of that situation.
Christopher Hansen 13:06
I think sometimes men—we don’t realize—if a man joins a dating site and a woman joins a dating site, and they’re looking to see who’s going to get the most messages… oh, come on. Your wife has 100 more options than you’ll ever have in your life.
Doug Holt 13:23
Every day. Every day. It doesn’t have to be the gym. It could be the grocery store. It could be all these places. Guys, look around—some of your guy friends, they’re predators. They are. And some guys won’t do anything—they’ll push it to a certain level—but opportunity… and some guys will. That’s their challenge, and they’re out, and they’re there. And they’re not stupid. They know where married women are. And some guys are attracted to married women. I’m not saying this to scare guys, but the point is: when you fill your partner up, you’re flirting with her, you’re making her feel fun, she no longer has the need to go out there. It’s not like a star… What I picture, Chris, is someone in a desert, right? And they’re so thirsty for water, right? And the person they’re with won’t give them any. And so they divert a little bit. Next thing they know, they see somebody with a big tank of water—they’re gonna drink from it.
Christopher Hansen 14:12
Yeah. I think we, as men, when our wives come to us—or I hear this quite often—like, “Yeah, she wants a date. She wants a date night. She wants to date again…”
Doug Holt 14:21
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Christopher Hansen 15:14
She’s actually not saying, “I want a date.” She’s saying, “I want to flirt.” And I want to flirt outside of the house, so take me somewhere to go flirt.
Doug Holt 15:20
Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. And oftentimes you’ll hear guys say, “Yeah, my wife wants to date again, but she doesn’t want to date anybody else,” and they don’t get it. Like, “I’m so confused.” Dude—start dating her. She’s calling you forward. That’s what she’s doing. She’s saying, “Hey look, buddy, I’ve been trying to suggest this for the last 10 years, probably. I’m at my limit.”
Christopher Hansen 15:39
Yeah, and I want to make it very clear, guys, that dating isn’t going out to dinner. That’s called eating. Yeah. You can make that… you can make that a date. You can. But if you’re just going out because you didn’t make dinner and you’re just going out to do that… You can turn that role into that, but just don’t assume that you went out and talked about your day and the kids—that was a date.
Doug Holt 15:59
So define what—how would you change that easily?
Christopher Hansen 16:02
You bring the fun and you bring the play into that. If we’re going out, then we’re gonna play. We’re gonna flirt. It’s gonna be… and if she’s not laughing and having fun, then this isn’t a date.
Doug Holt 16:13
Yeah, right? Yeah. That’s the number one thing—we talk about dating or flirting—it’s: can you get the girl to laugh? Can you get women to laugh? If you can get women to laugh, you’re in. Right? And that’s the deal. So what are some other ways men can be the CFO with their partner?
Christopher Hansen 16:28
Well, obviously taking the lead. I mean, that’s the one thing you have to do. You’ve got to take the lead first on all that, because you have to build that experience. So you have to design what that experience is going to be. Because if you’re not designing that idea and that concept, she’s staying in her masculine. And so you do have to be creative in that aspect. And that’s one of the most common questions I ask is, “Hey, when you guys go out to date—” these are the sales calls—“what’s that look like? Who’s planning that?” And they’re like, “Oh, usually she’ll plan some. I’ll plan some. Back and forth, back and forth.” And I was like, “Okay, I know what’s going on.” And they’re like, “Oh yeah, we do it like three or four times a year.” I was like, “Okay…”
Doug Holt 17:05
Yeah, that really means one. Yeah, she’s planned.
Christopher Hansen 17:09
Take the initiative and have fun with it. Have fun creating the experience. And that’s like when I told you about making the list and handing it to the host for the food—that was my fun creation, right? I enjoyed creating this experience for her. And so, instead of the mindset of making this a task that I have to do, you’ve got to make it fun for yourself too, for sure.
Doug Holt 17:30
Don’t be afraid, guys, to do what I’m going to do and steal Chris’s idea.
Christopher Hansen 17:35
Yeah. And like we’ve said before, when they light up and they melt, you feel more like a man than you’ve ever felt.
Doug Holt 17:40
100%.
Christopher Hansen 17:41
And it becomes addictive. And then it’s now—it’s like this game that you just don’t want to stop playing.
Doug Holt 17:48
Exactly. 100% agree. But a lot of times—and I can fall prey to this—is coming up with ideas. Sometimes it is tough. Sometimes I’ll be like, “Date night’s here. Shit. I didn’t plan anything. I gotta go to the well. I gotta pull out something big.” And I’m just tired. Don’t have the energy. What do you do when that comes up for you?
Christopher Hansen 18:02
Sometimes I like to take a basic idea and then put a spin on it.
Doug Holt 18:06
Give me an example.
Christopher Hansen 18:08
Going bowling. Okay, we’re gonna make some wagers, and that’s when we bowl.
Doug Holt 18:14
All right.
Christopher Hansen 18:17
But yeah, it could be, “If I knock down these nine pins, then you owe me something,” or like it comes into this truth-or-dare scenario based off your performance on your bowling, right? You can take something simple and turn it into a game, because the game is play.
Doug Holt 18:33
Yes, it is. And I think that’s the key—not trying to make it overly competitive.
Christopher Hansen 18:38
Yeah.
Doug Holt 18:39
Right? Unless your wife’s into that—and some women are—but some guys, I’ve seen them try to be overly competitive. And I remember my wife telling me this early on, Chris. She’s like, “I’m not your bro. I’m not like your brother or one of your boys. I don’t want you to be my brother. I want you to be my sex partner,” or whatever. And I think we all fall into that at times, especially when you’ve been in a relationship for so long, you’ve known that person—you fall into habits. And we start to think we know what that person’s thinking, as if they haven’t evolved and changed.
Christopher Hansen 19:11
Yeah, and I think too, like bringing new experiences to the marriage, to the relationship. And not every date is gonna knock it out of the park, right? But if you’re going and exploring new experiences, you guys are evolving and moving together. And I like that too. And so that can be a lot of different things.
Doug Holt 19:33
Like, definitely can. And I think also, I’m gonna go back to one that I think guys miss—and it’s the bedroom—is, do you know what turns your wife on today? And something that I’ve talked about previously—so, my wife’s in a women’s group. It’s a clan of these women. They all hang out and have fun, they drink wine, they’ll go hiking, they’ll do everything. But they have a book club.
Yeah, and in that book club, they’re reading books. And so I went over and picked up one of the books. I was like, “Oh, what’s this about?” You know, flip it over, read it, and it is—it’s non-fiction, it’s like highly rated erotica, right? And the books that these women are reading in this particular group—and these are best sellers, so there’s a lot of women reading these books—but they’re essentially fantasy books.
And I’m like, “Okay, can I take what my wife and her girlfriends and everybody’s talking about and reading and apply that to fun in the bedroom? Can I take this one step further and have this whole continuum of adventure for her and let that fantasy play out? Am I making sure she’s having a good time in there, that she’s orgasming? Yeah. She’s doing everything that I want. This exchange, yeah, energetically and physically— is she also getting it?”
Christopher Hansen 20:50
Yeah, and to make sure that just because you’ve learned a certain way to get her to that spot, it’s not always a rinse and repeat. And that’s what happens as men—we figure out a certain way to get them to that climax, and we’re like, “Oh, we figured this out,” and now we’re just gonna keep doing this over and over. And you can’t. You have to bring variety and fun, and understand what makes sense for you guys, but also make that an experience. Bring that fun—whatever that means to you guys. Like everybody’s fun—if it’s toys, if it’s role-playing, if it’s dress-up, music, whatever the case might be. But yeah, just make sure it’s not the same thing every single time.
Doug Holt 21:33
100%. Like vanilla ice cream.
Christopher Hansen 21:36
Yeah.
Doug Holt 21:37
Right? Eating it all day. I get it. My wife told this to the guys in Breckenridge. We were there—she spoke to them for three hours. She was like, “Look, your ladies want you to tell them what you want to do to them, where you want to do it, how you want it done, where you want them positioned.” You know—now, there’s going to be outliers if there’s sexual trauma and things in the past that may be different, but—take the leadership role. Take the charge in the bedroom and take command. Show her who the leader is.
Christopher Hansen 22:04
Yeah, yeah.
Doug Holt 22:05
And do it lovingly—you know, again, depending on what you’re into. The Erotic Blueprints is a great thing to throw in there. You’ve done the Erotic Blueprints?
Christopher Hansen 22:15
Yeah, I love that. You know, it’s really about—it’s like the love language of your sexuality. And I think for couples, if you get a chance to go, they have a test you can take on there, and you really start understanding who you are as a sexual being. It opens up conversations about your needs, wants, and desires. And you start learning about things that you wouldn’t realize—like, “Oh, wow, you have a kinky side, and I didn’t even know that.” Like, “You’re interested in that? Let’s talk about that a little bit more.” That alone—I love that, because that can light little fires. That’s play and joy, and all of a sudden you’re like a kid. It can go a whole different kind of fun ways.
Doug Holt 22:54
Yeah, it reminds me—so guys, if you’re looking for a fun date night thing, we have the Yes, No, Maybe checklist. Bring that to dinner.
Christopher Hansen 23:01
Yes.
Doug Holt 23:02
Right? And start filling that out at dinner, then exchange. That’ll bring some conversation up. Yeah. You ever done the Yes, No, Maybe?
Christopher Hansen 23:08
Yeah.
Doug Holt 23:09
It was awesome. My wife filled it out once when I first introduced it to the group, and we exchanged. And I was like, “Oh, that’s a maybe? All right. That’s on the menu. It’s on the table. All right—game on.” But it brings that light, jovial humor and curiosity. And when you give it—if I were to ask her today versus a couple years ago when I gave it to her, I might get a different menu.
Christopher Hansen 23:33
Yes. And that’s the thing we have to realize too—like, understanding your blueprint, your Erotic Blueprint, or even your love language—those can change. Like, we aren’t the same people we were five years ago.
Doug Holt 23:44
Thank goodness.
Christopher Hansen 23:45
So, yeah, right? And so it’s important to kind of go back and review those and continue those conversations. Just don’t think you’ve figured out that puzzle, because that puzzle is always changing.
Doug Holt 23:55
100%. It’s always changing. And this is another way you can bring fun in, right? You can be the fun officer. Tell jokes. Be jovial. Don’t take things personally.
Christopher Hansen 24:05
Be the detective. That’s always the fun.
Doug Holt 24:08
Curiosity—maybe that’s a great one to do. I love these things. So is there one thing you’d want a guy to focus on if he’s like, “Okay, I’ve kind of been that boring guy at home,” you know, kind of that stereotypical office worker, if you will, but I’ve been at home just sitting on the couch watching the tube. What would you say?
Christopher Hansen 24:28
I would definitely say, wow, bring some new energy. Be funny. Just try to throw it out there. Just be creative on how you show up. If you’re showing up the same way every single day, mix it up somehow. Just think about being a kid sometimes. And what would it be like if you were 16 years old again? I like when I go back to when I was 16—what would I do? You’re goofy, you’re silly…
Doug Holt 24:57
Yeah, you’re outrageously horny.
Yeah, no doubt about that. I—yeah, I like that a lot. And sometimes you got to fake it till you make it, right?
Christopher Hansen 25:01
Totally.
Doug Holt 25:02
If you got caught in that area. Yeah. One thing I just—for some reason, not the horny part, but the “16” made me think about it—is when I’ve had a rough day. Like, you know, we all go through those days, you’re grinding it out or working or whatever’s happened. If I want to change my mood, I watch comedy. I watch stand-up comedy or listen to it.
Christopher Hansen 25:25
Yeah.
Doug Holt 25:26
And I’ll get myself to start laughing. Then I bring that energy back to where I’m going. That’s a great thing to anchor me. Music is another great one that you could use as an anchor.
Christopher Hansen 25:34
It’s kind of like your decompression. You have to do something to kind of switch that mindset.
Doug Holt 25:39
100%. Leave what happened at the door. Come with the new version of yourself—the CFO.
Christopher Hansen 25:45
Yeah.
Doug Holt 25:46
And well, one more. A buddy of mine, who does this really well—he worked from home, and so your hat made me think about this. He wore a hat all the time, like yourself, and the hat face that way meant he was in work mode. He was “Dad who’s working,” and kids know—leave him alone. So as soon as he was done working, he would change his hat and change his glasses. He’d actually do a whole outfit change, but his hat was the real one that stuck with me. He’d turn his hat backwards, and when his hat was backwards, he was the funnest dad in the world.
Christopher Hansen 26:20
I just used that analogy the other day. We’re with the group. We’re doing that, and they made the joke because I go, “When Chris’s hat’s forward, he’s talking business. When it goes backwards, the 40 guys out here…”
Doug Holt 26:30
Yeah. Well, it’s true. But you can use that as an anchor, right? You’re not only telling everybody else, but you’re telling yourself that I am changing roles. I have a sign—being from Southern California on the West Coast, nobody’s got a basement. I have a basement here, and that’s like my man cave. And so when I come out of that basement, I have a sign that says “Change of priorities ahead.” It’s like a metal sign you’d hit in football. I tap that sign. I’ve got letters from my kids around it and everything, to remind me that I’m no longer Coach Doug. Like, I’m not coaching these high-end business guys where I’m very stern—“Look, you’re messing up. This is what you got to do.” Because that doesn’t go over well with kids.
Christopher Hansen 27:07
Yeah.
Doug Holt 27:08
I do that, and I switch back to what’s really important to me, which is my kids, having fun, enjoying the moment. And I use that as my anchor—hitting that sign each and every time. So find out what works for you to allow you to transition. Whether it be the hat backwards, the sign, the comedy—so you can easily decompress and go into CFO mode.
Christopher Hansen 27:30
Yeah, I love it.
Doug Holt 27:31
Awesome, man. Well, gentlemen, as I always say, in the moment of insight, take massive action. I want to know how you’re being the CFO. Right? Truthfully, I want to steal some of your ideas. Let’s share those ideas.
If you’re not in the app—the TPM app—yet, don’t worry. We’re talking about ways to get more people in there. But we do have a free Facebook group that you can go to and share your ideas. Now, if you are in the app, Chris or I will start a thread. We’ll start a thread about being the CFO—date nights and things—so we can all get great ideas. Like Chris was saying—handing the note to the hostess, so you don’t even see the waiter and your food just comes out.
What else is there? I love how this brain trust of men comes together in the community—really amazing men coming together and sharing. So we’ll find that in the private app or in the Facebook group. But you’ve got to take action to be one of those guys that actually puts yourself out there and shares an idea. And if you don’t have an idea right away, read them and comment. Let everybody else know that you’re on board. Get off the fence and take some massive action.
We’ll see you next time on The Powerful Man Show.
